Welcome To Las Pegasus! Under New Management.
You enter the strangely abandoned, extremely subdued, large scale venue of Las Pegasus. You heard recently it came under new management, and are eager to see all the supposed changes inside.
The first variation you notice is that chintzy golden statue of the previous incumbent has been toppled from the centrepoint. Good stuff. He always was nothing but an unattractive, unappealing stallion, with his non-stop grunting and quiffed-up hair.
The strange thing is though... everything is very quiet. Eeerily so. No rambunctious ponies running about in high spirits, no crackly voice addressing them from the intercom, no obnoxious arcade machine noises emitting from the gallery...
In fact, the experience is more akin to studying in a library, instead of staying at an alleged party resort. Could you have taken a wrong turning, and ended up in a ghost town by mistake? You're just about to check your map, when...
"Why, who's this young fella-me-lad, Flim? Could he be here to sample the subtle seduction of the latest and greatest attraction in the history of our distinguished partnership?"
"I don't know, Flam. Hey, you there, do you feel like embarking on a fantastical frolic that will surely revolutionise the way you perceive the world, and everypony in it, forever?"
WOOAH!! You topple down in surprise, dropping your map in the process. These two yellow stallions crept up right behind you, started their grandiose sales patter and completely scared the bejeezus out of you.
Still a little dazed, you see one has a scarlet moustache to match his mane, but otherwise the pair are virtually identical. Twins, obviously. The one absent of facial hair goes to help you up, while his brother begins to prattle on once again his well-rehearsed pitch.
"Whoops, sorry about that, friend. We do have a tendency to catch others unawares. Just like our low, low prices do. Tell you what, for that unforeseen fall we caused there, your first trip to our stadium of subconsciousness will be a third off..."
"What are you saying, sibling of mine? From where did you inherit this mean streak, because it certainly wasn't my side of the family. Look at this poor, unfortunate bipedal, brushing the dusty dirt off his limited form. I say we give him half-price tickets, and not a bit less."
"Are you crazy, Flim? Did our dear mother drop you on the head as a foal? We'd go out of business tomorrow, if word got around. Such an outrageous discount is practically unheard of. I insist we stick to my original price, lest we end up queuing at the soup kitchen this time next week..."
"I'm sorry Flam, but my mind is made up. Sir, tell this penny-pinching progeny of mine I'm about to disown permanently that you demand a fifty per cent reduction in your entry fee, with no further negotiation. Otherwise, you'll take your valued business elsewhere, and nopony can blame you for that."
Emboldened by the generous stallion known as Flim, you tell his no-good brother that there's no way you'll tolerate his contemptible customer service, and insist on him emulating his sibling's altruism.
It seems to work, as Flam's eyes quickly fall to the floor in implied defeat, and you share a triumphant look with Flim to celebrate your glorious victory. Soon however, the cheapskate perks up again and starts to talk, this time in a far more congenial voice.
"You know what, Sir? I like the cut of your jib. We've had so many dear customers trot through our doors since we arrived to run things here, and none of them has impressed us anywhere near as much as you have. Tell you what, Flim... I have a very special proposal to put to our friend today..."
"Ooh, tell us what it is, Flam, we're all ears!" Flim smiles at you, very excited all of a sudden, and you must admit... his enthusiasm is contagious.
"How about we offer him a whole season discount... that's the entire year, not just Spring, Summer, Autumn or Winter... for half price as well? I know I'm going to regret this in the morning, in fact, I may just change my mind five minutes from now, but the words have already come out, I can't put them back in."
"Sibling of mine, I profusely apologise, for I have completely misjudged you. Your wear your heart on your sleeve, and very nice sleeves they are, too. Listen Sir, my benevolent brother has these random moments of charity, and it's best to take advantage of them before he regains his clarity. What do you say?"
"Yes, yes!" You don't even need to think about it once, let alone twice. Such a rare opportunity may never come around again, and you'll be kicking yourself forever if you miss out. All your friends in high school thought you were too safe, never took any risks, a total wet blanket... you just showed 'em!!
"Best choice you ever made, my friend..." your new best pal Flim is suitably dazzled by your decisive nature. "You can pay us on the way out. In the meantime, let us show you our extraordinary exhibition: A captivating spectacle that will mollify the mind, spellbind the senses and leave you begging for more..."
"Just step through these double doors here, please..." Flam is now to your right, gently pushing you forward. "And the illusionary itinerary can begin. If you feel you're having too much fun. please let us know. After all, it's a little known fact that too much pleasure can kill a pony, or in your case, a primate. Now, brace yourself..."
Wondering what exactly it is you parted with so much hard-earned coinage for, but thrilled at the prospect of finding out, you step through the portal, into the darkness...
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"Is this all it is?!" You can't contain your disapproval when you see what lays before you.
Many, many ponies sitting around a giant, featureless auditorium, doing precisely nothing. Some are making funny cooing noises, while other just have broad smiles on their faces, but they all have their eyes closed and don't even acknowledge your presence as you step in.
"What do you mean, 'Is that all?' " Flim looks aghast, as if you've said something horribly offensive. "This is a theatrical extravaganza beyond your wildest dreams! Anything you could ever want is in this huge arena, yet you're not completely satisfied? Hmm, perhaps we made a mistake with this one, Flam..."
"I'm beginning to think the same, Flim..." Flam shakes his head in sheer disappointment. " I thought you were a cut above the rest, Sir. A step up in class. But now that I actually see you up close, you do seem shorter than I remember. And is it just me, or is your posture somewhat... crooked?"
"If this bipedal doesn't appreciate the considerable time and effort we invested into making the Tent Of Wonders the best experience anypony could ever wish for in their mediocre lives, and say we reimburse him fully and send him on his way. We don't need his cynical negativity dragging everypony else down, do we Flam?"
"My thoughts exactly, Flim. Come on, Sir. Apparently getting everything you've desired isn't enough for some creatures. Oh well, their loss. I just hope our former friend here doesn't regret it on his deathbed, when he's thinking about all that he could've done differently, and missing out on this chance of a lifetime doesn't pop into his head..."
"Aargh!! Okay, I'll give it a go!" Fed up of being belittled by the two fast-talking stallions, you grit your teeth and step forward. Surely with the amount of advance build-up they've giving the attraction, it has to be utterly spectacular. Despite at first glance, looking like nothing more than a creche for adults.
"That's the spirit, Sir!" Flim cheers up again, before pointing to an vacant spot in the corner. "Just sit over there, and let your imagination take over. Literally anything is possible if you believe, so feel free to envision whatever you want, regardless of how outlandish or depraved the scenario may seem. Nopony is going to judge you here..."
"If you need any help with your daring delusions..." Flam grins relentlessly by his brother's side. "Warm soup and hot chocolate are for sale in the foyer. Just relax, chill out, while we go and count our... blessings that we have so many loyal paying customers. See you later..."
And with that, the twin businessponies depart, chortling about something en route, no doubt the happiness they feel at delivering such a unique tableau for all of their valued clientele. Stand up ponies, the pair of them.
Still, you remain somewhat skeptical. You stroll over to the placement you were allotted and ensconce yourself on the floor, wondering how on Equestria this magical marvel of mentality is supposed to work. Is somepony going to flick a switch, and suddenly you're in nirvana with the rest of the equines surrounding you? Only time will tel...
WOW, did you see that? You just got a peek of your one true love, the night you had your first... intimate encounter together. The way she peeled off everything so slowly...
AMAZING!! You glimpsed your beloved childhood pet, who passed away in a tragic steamroller accident when you were just a babby wabby. You miss Mr Snuffles so much...
Now that the faucet is on, the flood of thoughts just won't stop. Not just real memories either... you see yourself as a musclebound hunk, rescuing the princess from a giant spider web. Then, you're a knight, fighting a gold-stealing dragon inside his dingy cave. Next, you're an eagle, soaring high in the sky, looking down at the madness that is the world below, your worries and cares a million miles away...
This is great!
And you haven't even closed your eyes yet!
You shut your peepers tightly and let your fabricated reverie sweep over everything else.
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"That was incredible! Better than a thousand dodgem rides! Superior to a million rollercoasters! One of the best experiences of my life! I'm coming back again tomorrow, the next day, the day after that..." I think it's safe to say you enjoyed that.
Flim and Flam just smile and nod with contentment as you extol the virtues of their cavalcade of creation. "You should never have doubted us..." Flim states with complete confidence. "We have a notorious track record in the industry that is beyond reproach. Just ask the citizens of Canterlot, Fillydelphia, Manehattan, Ponyville..."
"W-well, perhaps not Ponyville..." Flam seems slightly nervous all of a sudden, and gives his ailing brother a little nudge. "Anyway, now that you're leaving us, it's time to pay up. As promised, we'll be giving you the annual pass at fifty per cent off, which arrives at..."
You look at the receipt he gives you, and gasp in horror. Even with the alleged discount, that's still a huge chunk o'change. There goes your college fund. Still, considering what a wonderful time you had, who cares? Sure beats cramming for pointless exams, any day. Decent grades? Who needs them! Future stability? Totally overrated!
"Here you go..." You hand over your life savings, trying not to feel so bad. After all, you're going to be returning here an awful lot, and this isn't the sort of thing you can do in the comfort of your own home, right?
"Thanking you kindly!" Film snatches away the coins, and deposits them in a pouch around his neck. "We can't wait to see you again, but next time you show up, we'd like to get your arm stamped, so we know you're a long term customer. That way, you can stroll around the grounds at your leisure, and enter into your private world of make-believe wherever and whenever you want! Flam, show him what the press looks like..."
"Here you go..." Flam produces a small stamp, with a single word etched into the metal. "The green ink is easy to wash off, so when you return to your humble dwellings, just immerse your arm in warm water, and it'll be gone in two shakes! That's all you need to know. Don't be a stranger, and come back soon!!"
You vociferously wave to the twins as you leave, your mind still reeling from the wonderment you've experienced. The Elements Of Harmony, Rainbow Power, Celestia in all her splendour... all pale in comparison to the miracles that lurk inside the deceptively simple facade of Las Pegasus.
Through all your besotted stupefaction however, there is one thing that puzzles you. The word you noticed carved on that stamp, written backwards of course...
What exactly is a 'patsy', anyway?
Author's Note
My first Anon fic. Woo hoo. Sorry if he seems a bit dim, but the fic wouldn't really work without it, wouldn't you agree?
Possibly my last story based around the events of Las Pegasus. It's been such a happy breeding ground of creativity for me too... four fics so far. Oh well, we must all move on at some point...sigh
