I Wish I Didn't Hear That

by TheCamel

Rating: teen
Tags: Big Macintosh, Anthro, Applejack, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2846

Apple Bloom didn't mind Applejack's room being next to hers. That is until Big Mac started paying AJ late-night visits...

Apple Bloom's room is right next to Applejack's. It was never a problem until one night she hears Big Macintosh come over and... certain sounds follow. After a few nights of the noises continuing Apple Bloom can't take any more; she has to confront her siblings and end their late night antics.

A short, stupid story with a surprise ending. Rated PG-13 for implied topics.

Published 2016-10-07 09:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-07 09:30:01 UTC

Keeping Ponies Awake

'Celestia's sake, not again!'

Apple Bloom groaned and shoved her pillow over her head but she knew it was a lost cause. The subtle but distinct sound of the door to the room next door opening and then closing signaled that she was in for yet another night of disrupted sleep.

But it wasn't due to the noise level of what was going on next door that bothered Apple Bloom; it was the ponies responsible for the noise and what they were doing.

'Gosh darn it, it's the fourth time this week.' Apple Bloom grimaced as she pulled the pillow tighter against her ears. She could still barely make out the muffled hoofsteps of Big Macintosh crossing the hard wood floor which was soon followed by the soft murmur of conversation between him and Applejack. She was sometimes unable to hear what exactly they talked about though she had little desire to ever find out, especially with what was due to follow shortly.

Roughly ten minutes passed before the conversation died down. A few creaks of wood being put under strain followed shortly after, then began the noise Apple Bloom dreaded most of all:

*Thump*

*Thump*

*Thump*

With her pillow still covering her ears, Apple Bloom gave a forlorn glance at the far wall across the room. She had contemplated moving her bed against that wall to escape what was going on in Applejack's room but Granny Smith's snoring was completely unbearable and continued throughout the entire night. That left her no choice but to place her bed against the wall that split her and her older sister's room; the same wall AJ had her bed next to. At least with what was going on in Applejack's room lasted an hour or two at the very most each night, but it was still horrifying to think about, especially once...

"Big Mac... a little harder..." Applejack's muffled voice sounded through the wall. Seconds later the dull thump of wood against wood increased in volume.

Apple Bloom banged her head against the mattress a few times in frustration as she once again struggled to grasp what the hay was going on just on the other side of the wall. The first night she heard the commotion she almost cried out in shock once she realized what her own two siblings were doing. Yet almost every night since then the same scenario would play out, forcing the image of Big Mac and Applejack... together... in bed... doing...

'NO!' Apple Bloom's mind screamed as the taboo thought once again dominated her mind. 'They really can't be- I mean, they're brother and sister. MY brother and sister!'

Yet despite her denial, the sounds next door led to only that conclusion. The dull thumping noise accompanied by the occasional disturbing noise coming from one of the two ponies...

"Ah! Slower, Big Mac. Don't be too rough."

"Eeyup."

Apple Bloom's face turned red as her mind pictured about ten different scenarios that could possibly accompany what she just heard. She remained unable to comprehend how her family could be so normal during the day but once the sun set this shocking late night rendezvous could be taking place. They acted completely normal during the day and out in public so well it didn't seem like anypony else held any suspicions of Big Mac and Applejack's relationship either, not even Granny Smith.

Of course there was no way she could talk to anypony about this, not even her two best friends, but the dark secret was beginning to take its toll on her mental state. She found herself having trouble paying attention in school, not to mention she couldn't hold any sort of conversation with her two siblings or even look them in the eyes. Anypony willing to offer advice, or even just listen to her concerns would be a welcome relief to Apple Bloom, but for now it seemed she was meant to suffer alone.

"Slow down, partner. Ah ain't finished quite yet." an out of breath Applejack said from the next room over.

The young filly groaned in frustration as she tried her best to erase what she just heard from her memory. Applejack, the most caring and loyal mare she knew in all of Equestria, and Big Macintosh, her brave, bold, strong big brother... right next door, together late at night... doing... with each other... 'Discord, kill me now.'

A few more relatively quiet moments passed before Apple Bloom heard something that almost stopped her heart. "Dang it, Big Mac! Ah told ya not to get that inside!" Applejack hissed just loudly enough for Apple Bloom to hear clearly.

A rather disturbing mental image dominated Apple Bloom's mind, quickly followed by an image of the Apple Family growing in size roughly nine months from now. She couldn't help but let out a cry of shock and jolt upright in her own bed, one or both actions being just loud enough to cause all noise in Big Mac's room to abruptly cease.

All three ponies on both sides of the relatively thin wood wall held their breaths for a few tense moments before Applejack spoke up. "Ya think she heard us just now?" AJ whispered.

Apple Bloom quickly laid back down and shut her eyes as she heard somepony next door walking slowly across the room and back out into the hallway before stopping in front of her own room. After a brief pause she heard her bedroom door creak open followed by the deep, whispering voice of her brother.

"You awake?" Big Mac asked. After receiving no answer he asked the question again, but upon receiving no answer a second time he shut the door and returned to his other sister's room.

"Ah told ya it would be too risky doing this in mah room." Applejack hissed at her brother once he was back.

"No other safe place to." Big Mac replied.

A short pause followed. "Well, ah suppose ah should get this mess out'n cleaned up." AJ sighed. "Ya'll should get back to your room 'fore we really do wake Apple Bloom. 'Night, Big Mac."

Without further delay Big Mac returned to his own room. Some shuffling noises could be heard before Applejack finally retired for the night, leaving Apple Bloom alone in shock at what she had just heard.

'Did they really just... Did I really hear them... he really... INSIDE?!' she thought in horror. A newborn foal being born to a pair of siblings would surely be one of the biggest scandals to hit Ponyville ever and there was no way Apple Bloom would be able to survive that embarrassment. She loved her family more than anything else in all of Equestria, but something of this magnitude would surely leave her no choice but to move as far away as possible, not to mention Sweet Apple Acres would surely be shut down and the family name tarnished for generations to come. Still, Apple Bloom had absolutely no clue how to prevent such a catastrophe or stop her siblings from... seeing each other at night, but action had to be taken.

'I'll talk to them in the morning.' she eventually decided before finally drifting off to sleep.

The sun was already rising into the sky by the time Apple Bloom climbed out of bed and made her way downstairs. Granny Smith had just finished preparing breakfast while Applejack completed setting plates out. Big Macintosh also entered the room, having completed his early morning chores. Their morning meal went normal as usual, though Apple Bloom did notice one odd look between Applejack and Big Mac right before cleanup began.

"Hey Big Mac, ah need ya'll to help me for a sec out'n the barn." AJ said once she had finished putting away the last dish.

Big Macintosh nodded but Apple Bloom spoke up as well. "Ah can help, too." she offered.

"No! Uh, ah mean..." Applejack said a bit too quickly, grasping for an excuse. "It ain't nothin' interestin'. Just, uh, discussin' crop numbers'n such."

"Okaaaay." Apple Bloom replied doubtfully.

Without further delay the two older siblings departed for the barn. Once Granny Smith had left the kitchen Apple Bloom carefully slipped outside and followed AJ and Big Mac's path but upon reaching the barn found all the doors shut and locked. She tried eavesdropping from outside but could barely make out any sound; if she wanted to know what they were discussing during their secret meeting she would have to find another way inside.

'How am I gonna... can't go through the windows. Maybe if I... yes!' she thought triumphantly as she found the perfect secret entrance; a small makeshift escape hatch Big Mac had crafted for any creature trapped inside the barn in case of an emergency. It was in the stall farthest from any other door, making it the perfect location for Apple Bloom to slip inside unnoticed. As expected the hidden door swung open with ease and the young Apple sibling slipped into the barn unnoticed.

Carefully peeking around the stall entrance, Apple Bloom found her two elder siblings in the middle of the barn speaking in a hushed tone. Still just out of ear shot, she concealed herself in a pile of hay and smiled as she finally heard the conversation.

"...too far now to stop."

"Eeyup."

"Ain't no other place to do it safely. Granny Smith or Apple Bloom may catch us or find evidence if we do it anywhere else. An' your room is jus' too messy."

"Eeyup. But Apple Bloom may..."

"Don't you worry none about her. We'll just have to be quieter next time. Ya still wanna try again tonight?"

"Eeyup."

"Just remember to be careful. We ain't got any more protection, so no more slip ups like last night, ya hear?"

"E-eeyup."

Apple Bloom's face burned red at the last four sentences. Luckily for her the conversation ended and her older siblings left the barn to head out into the fields. Once they were gone Apple Bloom finally emerged from her hiding place and began pacing back and forth in near panic.

'I can't believe they're still going to keep doing it! And with no protection!' She made almost a dozen rounds inside the barn before she finally made up her mind. 'I... I have to do something. I can't let them destroy their lives. I gotta help them.'

Finally exiting the barn herself, Apple Bloom gazed out at the farm she called home and nodded in resolve. "Ain't nothin' stronger than family." she reaffirmed before rushing off to gather what she needed.

Not wanting to chance being interrupted by anypony else, Apple Bloom decided to wait until night fall to confront her brother and sister. It was just after midnight when she heard Big Mac enter Applejack's room once more. Not wanting to wait too long and wind up catching them in a more awkward scenario than what was about to occur, Apple Bloom quickly grabbed a small plastic bag by her bad and dashed out to Applejack's bedroom door.

"AJ? Big Mac? Ah need to talk to ya'll." she announced before taking a deep breath and opening the door.

Apple Bloom heard a panicked flurry of activity inside the room and just as the room came into view she saw the two ponies inside quickly covering something with a large blanket. 'Oh crud, don't tell me they're into that kind of kinky stuff!' Apple Bloom thought in alarm.

"Uh, Apple Bloom! What're ya'll doing up so late?" Applejack asked, attempting to act normal, yet the look of guilt at being caught was clear on both her and Big Mac's face.

"Ah need to talk to ya'll." Apple Bloom repeated herself. "Look, ah... ah know we're all family, an' family is supposed to love each other, but..."

"'Course we love ya, Apple Bloom. Lookit, if this is 'bout something ya think ya'll will get in trouble for, ya'll know me'n Big Mac'n Granny Smith will still love ya-" AJ started saying.

"No, that's not what ah mean." Apple Bloom interrupted. "Ah mean, ah know 'bout you'n Big Mac. Ah... kinda have heard ya both every night he comes over."

Applejack's and Big Macintosh's faces turned red. "Look, Apple Bloom..." Big Mac started.

Apple Bloom held up a hoof. "No, it's alright. Really. But ah... ah ain't sure what to think of it just yet, but ah can't let ya'll risk having an unplanned foal."

Before Applejack or Big Macintosh could respond Apple Bloom reached into her bag and revealed the items inside. "Ah know ya'll ran out, so ah picked up some protection for ya'll. Ah think these condoms should fit Big Mac, and just in case ah got ya some mornin' after pills too."

"Uh, Apple Bloom-" Big Mac tried saying.

"Ah won't tell anypony. Promise." she said. "If ya need me to pick up more just lemme know and ah can."

Applejack wasn't sure whether she should laugh, cry, or be mad, but before Apple Bloom could turn and leave she placed a hand on her shoulder. "Look sugarcube, ah don't know what ya'll are thinkin' me'n Big Mac are doing, but we AIN'T having relations like that."

Big Mac quickly nodded in agreement, happily tossing the box of condoms aside. He looked at AJ and received a nod of approval, so he reached over to the shrouded item and pulled the blanket off of it.

Wincing at first, Apple Bloom saw an antique cedar chest underneath. It was definitely old, but about fifty percent of the exterior was covered in wood varnish to make it appear almost new. "What the... what's this?" she asked.

Applejack gently touched the lid of the chest. "Auntie Applesauce sent it over, said it's been in the family for at least eight generations. She found it completely taken apart though, so me'n Big Mac here have been puttin' it together the last few nights to surprise ya."

Big Mac nodded in concurrence, but Apple Bloom still had some questions. "But... but what about all the banging and thumpin' ah heard?"

"This here chest was made with no nails, just wooden dowels an' notches, so that was the banging noise ya heard. Some of the larger pieces were right stubborn an' had to be secured in place with a mallet." AJ explained.

"Okay, but what about... last night ah heard you say, er... how Big Mac, ya know... got it inside... an' ya had no more protection?"

All three Apple siblings turned red in the face and after a momentary pause AJ spoke up again. "Er, well, Big Mac was starting to coat the outside with varnish but he knocked the can over an' it got all inside." she said, pointing inside the antique chest. "Can't have any in there since it may damage any cloth ya put in there, so ah had to scrub it out before it dried. Had a tarp to keep any spills out before but Fluttershy borrowed it a few days back for her chicken coop's roof."

Apple Bloom let out an audible sigh of relief. "Thank Celestia." she said happily before sheepishly facing her family members once. "Er, sorry ah jumped to conclusions. Ah just thought- ah mean, ah was afraid that..."

Applejack offered her sister a pat on the head. "We know ya had the right intentions an' all. But don't you worry none, ah promise me'n Big Mac here ain't gonna start datin' like that anytime soon."

"Nnope." Big Macintosh finally spoke up, shaking his head.

With a huge wave of relief finally washing over her, Apple Bloom hugged AJ and Big Mac before heading back to her room. With all her worries now put to rest, she closed her eyes and finally found sleep quickly, her slumber finally going uninterrupted.

"...an' it turns out the chest was a family heirloom an' they had rebuilt it in secret as a surprise."

A few weeks had passed since Apple Bloom discovered the true reason behind the noises next door and was comfortable sharing with her two best friends the somewhat embarrassing assumption she had made. Scootaloo couldn't help but giggle at the conclusion of the story, turning Apple Bloom slightly red.

"Don't worry, I'd think the same thing as well. I gotta admit, that was kinda hot." Scootaloo said somewhat absentmindedly.

Giving the pegasus a momentary off look, Apple Bloom turned to Sweetie Belle, who had remained surprisingly quiet throughout the story. "Something wrong?"

Sweetie Belle remained silent for a few moments before speaking up. "So... what would you have done if they were doing that?" she asked surprisingly timidly.

"Well, they are family an' all." Apple Bloom said after some thought. "Ah guess... ah'd probably be okay with it since they love each other. Why?"

Sweetie Belle looked down at the floor and sighed heavily. "Well, whenever my parents come visit me and Rarity in town, I hear my dad go into Rarity's room late at night..."