I could tolerate many things quite well. I could deal with constantly being unseen, the lack of sleep, and making mistakes every once in a while. I could tolerate the fact that I didn't always get what I wanted. I could withstand getting scowled, or just receiving punishment for doing something wrong in general. Because I knew most of the time, I deserved it. I could stand that I could bemean at times, and that I wasn't always 'normal' as I would like to be; let's face it: I'm not a perfect pony by any stretch of the word. But even I could break. It was my fault…My fault…
There were things I had a hard time tolerating, but the list was much shorter than the former.
I couldn't tolerate not knowing what to do, or seeing Celestia sad: especially if it was caused by me. I could not put up with constant fear. But, that's give or take: since coming to a conclusion with your fears can make you stronger in the end. I hated the thought of me not being there for my Sister when they need me. And I absolutely would not accept her getting injured on either my behalf or because of my own stupidity.
I was so stupid! How could I ever let something like this happen? Celestia's condition wasn't as bad as I thought. In truth, the worst injury was a slightly deep wound in her side that would be completely healed in a few days or so. Even if I were to realize the lack in severity of her injuries, I still never forgive himself. There was still a chance she could've died there. I shouldn't have betrayed her! It was all my fault... I doubted I would be able to sleep that night, but finally, at maybe very early in the morning, I drifted off, still up to the brim with guilt.
* * *
"Sis! Sis, answer me! Don't leave me, no! Please, Sis! You're all I have!"
Why was my vision blurring? And the black splotches that were covering my sight, what the heck were they? All I could hear was the sound of own own breathing, ragged, quick-paced gulps for air, my hoarse voice, and my sis's very faint pulse.
"No…Sis…"
I gently shook her while calling out her name. Her dull eyes were half-lidded, and silence settled over the two of us. Suddenly, she twitched.
"Sis?"
"Luna."
She opened her eyes completely, but they were lifeless and filled with hatred.
"Why would you let that happen?"
My breath hitched.
"Why'd you hurt me, Luna? Do you really hate me that much?"
"What? No, I—"
"Don't lie to yourself. You know you never really cared about me. I've known all along that you've been keeping secrets from me because you don't see me fit enough to trust. I'm no fool, Luna. You should know that by now."
She sneered and stood up from her slumped position on the wall. Though slightly reluctant to do so, I stood as well.
"You're stupid if you think I don't blame you. It's your fault I am hurt. Every time I get hurt, I blame you and you know it. But that's because you know it's the truth. All you are…is a foolish, weak pony."
She raised her hoof. I felt her hoof hit me. I winced as my head was tossed to the side cold-heartedly. I set my jaw and turned back to face her, my very heart stinging, but she wasn't there. In her place stood a tall, Dark blue mane with a scowl on its face.
"I told you I'd give you power. I told you you'd become stronger by coming with me. And now look at what you've done! You're Sister is dead. You can do nothing about it. You're useless, and there is no one here to blame but yourself." It said, coldly.
It was Nightmare Moon... The other me.
"I-I know…I know it's my fault…But…I…I just won't give into you." I said, muttered.
"What are you going to do now, Luna? What now?" She asked.
I opened my mouth and closed it again. What was I without my Sister, anyway?
"Why don't you just go on and hand over your life to me now? You have no more reasons left to live."
Suddenly, every object around me disappeared.
"But I suppose I can just take it from you by force." The other me voice was load and colder now, making me shiver. The photos around me faded and changed into her next to my Sister's dead body. I backed up from myself, only to feel the darkness behind me as well.
"She's waiting for you, Luna. She wants you to come die, too. She wants you to feel her pain."
My pupils got three sizes smaller at the sight of my Sister, on the other side of the darkness behind my other self, reaching out a blood-covered hoof to me. She had a mad smile on her face. My lips parted and I took in a gasp of smoke-filled air. She was inches from my and I screamed, trying to get away.
* * *
"Don't do it!"
I woke up feeling my lungs and felt my throat burn. It took me a few seconds to silence myself. My breath were ragged and short and I pulled my hooves up to my chest into a fetal position. I buried my face into my knees—W-Was that was all just a dream?—and my hooves found themselves tangled up in my sweat-dampened dark Blue mane. After a few seconds of silence, I heard a light tap on the door.
"Luna, you alright?" She asked.
I didn't reply. I saw my door opened and the moonlight that was in my room ate up the darkness in my bedroom—my curtains were closed completely? I could hear her hoofs quietly padding on the floor, she walked over to me and I saw her. I could hear her breathing clearly, and I was shaking still. She disregarded personal space and I felt broken and scared. Before I knew it, she was up on my bed and beside me, her knees pulled up to her chest as well.
"It's okay, Luna. It's okay." She said, trying to confront me.
She said this in a barely audible, soothing whisper.
My shoulder's relaxed—when did she get here?—and my hoofs unloosened from their death grip around my mane slightly. She closed in the gap between us and wrapped her hooves around me, to let me know she was there, and everything was alright. I glanced up at her above my knees, my eyes felt dull and filled with despair. I opened my mouth to say something, but then closed it again. She shouldn't even be there, a little voice in the back of my head told me; I was too weak, too venerable. But even I couldn't avoid the fact that I loved her presence.
"Bad dream?" She asked quietly, looking into my almost hidden eyes, cringing at the emotions that they gave off.
I took in a raspy breath and leaned into her a little, unintentionally.
"You…You were—…"
I dropped to silence and then started again, furious at myself as the dream flooded back into my memory once again, and in slight hysteria as her scream rang through my ears, over and over again, along with her harsh, cruel words.
"I shouldn't have done it! It's all my fault, Sister! All my fault! You shouldn't have gotten hurt, and all because of my weakness! I—"
I ducked my eyes back behind her knees, escaping her gaze. She embraced me a little bit tighter.
"It's never been your fault, Luna."
That's a lie. A silence settled over us. But, abruptly, she took in a breath.
"Luna, it has never actually been your fault. No matter which way you look at it. You always say it's your 'duty' to protect everypony, but I'm too head-strong for my own good. I got myself trapped, and there wasn't anything you could've done to stop that. Just be thankful we're both alive and don't take all of this on yourself."
I could feel my anger slowly begin to subside away, but despite her words, the choking guilt remained.
"Because you of all ponies should know I'm here for you, and that I'd go to Tartarus and back just to help you. And I know you'd do the same."
I glanced up at her, and my hoofs released my mane and draped over my knees.
"Luna, please don't do this to yourself. Even if you feel guilty, please don't keep this up. The only one who thinks you did anything wrong, Luna, is you." She looked at me with a soft smile. "You saved me. You saved me from whatever might have happened. Isn't that good enough?"
Not even noticing, my head was now on her shoulder. My voice cracked, but I said,
"Don't you ever be so reckless again, you hear me?"
She giggled.
"Alright, I promise."
She gazed into the pale moonlight that was unable to fill up the entire darkness that was my room.
"You should probably be getting to sleep, Sister, you deserve the—" I was cut off by light, harmless snore coming from beside me. I smiled. Leaning her head into my mane, I took in his scent and warmth, pulling the blanket from my bed around them. Sleep found its way to her, and I began to drift off.
"Thank you... Big Sister." I whispered.
