Terrible Dating Advice

by EntityRelationship

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Shadowbolts (EqG), Romance, Equestria Girls, Comedy, Random, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Sunset Shimmer
Length: 5513

Twilight has a date with Sunset Shimmer...maybe. Can the Shadowbolts help her prepare? No...not even a little bit.

Twilight has found herself asking Sunset Shimmer out on a date...accidentally, but it happened. The Shadowbolts all have advice for her, but it's all rather...horrible. Can Twilight survive her friend's relationship advice?

They mean well, that should count for something...shouldn't it? Shouldn't it?

Published 2016-10-03 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-03 22:20:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Lemon Zest bobbed her head along with the music as she scratched out the last line of the math proof on the worksheet. She took a moment to look over her solution, and nodded, confident that there were no gaps in her logic. She would get full credit for the problem...assuming the teacher could read her handwriting. And that was a big assumption.

Turning the page of the textbook, Lemon Zest adjusted her headphones. This pair seemed to be dying, there was a faint buzzing going behind the pounding rock music. Not really a big deal, Lemon Zest thought as she shrugged. She practically lived with headphones on, she had gone through more pairs than she could count. She had another three ready on standby, ready to replace this pair the moment they started to fail. She’d swap them out when it was time for her next study break.

As she read through the needlessly complex word problem Lemon Zest snapped open a can of soda and took a long sip. Caffeine and sugar rushed into her brain, mixing with the endorphins and adrenaline the steady stream of rock music was generating. The result was a rather intense state of focus, very useful for studying, even if the crash afterwards was a woozie.

Lemon Zest pursed her lips into a frown. The headphones must have been dying faster than she thought, there was a dull pounding on one side. This was one of her favourite songs too...alright, she decided, next study break starts now, and she disconnected the headset from her MP3 player.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Lemon Zest heard, over the pounding on her dorm room door, and suddenly realized that there was nothing wrong with her headphones. Someone was yelling like an insane woman at her door.

“Who in the world-Twilight?” Lemon Zest asked as she opened her door. Twilight ran into the dorm room, slamming the door behind her and cutting off the rather confused stares of the other students in the hallway.

“Lemon Zest!” Twilight said, grabbing her by the collar. “Thank goodness you’re here! You’ve got to help me!” She looked down at the half-finished math assignment on the desk and, after barely a second, said, “You got the third question wrong.”

“Twilight,” Lemon Zest said, hurriedly wiping aside the papers and making a mental note to go back to that question and find her mistake later. “Focus. Why were you banging on my door like it’s a bomb shelter and you just saw Sour Sweet miss one-out-of-ten bullseyes?”

“Okay, okay,” Twilight said, putting a hand on her chest and performing the breathing exercise Dean Cadence had taught her. Breathe in, extend her arm, breathe out. That helped...a little. “Okay...so, I miiiiiight…”

“...yes?” Lemon Zest asked, folding her arms in annoyance and tossing her long, green hair a little to emphasize her impatience.

“I miiiiight...haveaskedSunsetShimmeroutonadate…”

Lemon Zest blinked. “Well, did you? Or didn’t you?”

“Uh...I think so?”

Lemon Zest sighed and shook her head. “What do you mean you, ‘think so’? Either you did or you didn’t. How can you not be sure?”

***One hour earlier

“And you’re sure you’ve packed everything you need?” Twilight asked, panickedly running around the redhead who was walking with much more composure and calm.

“Twilight, I’ll be alright,” Sunset Shimmer said, her hands clasped behind her back as she walked towards the pedestal that held up...well, whatever remained of the Wondercolt Statue after Midnight Sparkle’s rampage.

“Are you sure?” Twilight said. “You’re about to travel to another dimension, your body will be completely recreated to fit into that world. You’re going to have to adapt to walking on four legs instead of two again, you’re going to have to get by without hands, you’re-”

“Twilight, I grew up there,” Sunset Shimmer said. “And this isn’t the first time I’ve been back recently. Yeah, turning into a pony again takes a little getting used to, but it’s really not that bad.”

“Oh...right,” Twilight said, blushing a little before jumping right back into her lecture. “But-but still! We don’t know the effects! Who knows what could happen if something freaky happens with the portal halfway through! Or-or what turning back and forth into a pony and a human could do to your health! You should really see a doctor before-”

“Don’t worry SciTwi,” Sunset said, giggling a little as Twilight rolled her eyes at the nickname. “Twilight, Starlight, and I all did in-depth research on the portal before we started using it more often to determine the exact effects it has on us.”

Twilight’s eyes gleamed, for a moment her concerns lost in her hunger for new knowledge. “And-and what did you find out?” Sunset Shimmer shrugged.

“Our official findings are, ‘it’s fine’. No noticeable negative effects from portal transit besides some immediate disorientation. You’re in more danger crossing the street than walking through this portal.”

***One hour later

“Wait a second,” Lemon Zest said, holding up her hands in a ‘stop’ gesture. “There’s no real evidence that the portal’s dangerous at all. Ponies have been jumping back and forth through it like a game of interdimensional hopscotch. Why were you suddenly worried?”

Twilight blushed deeply, pulled her arms together to shield her chest and shuffled uncomfortably in her chair. “I’m...always worried when Sunset goes back to Equestria.”

“Why? Because it’s more dangerous there? She’s got pretty powerful magic I hear, I’m sure she can take care of-” But Twilight shook her head.

“No...I’m afraid she’s not coming back.” Twilight sighed, a little ashamed at the confession. “It’s stupid, and selfish, but...I keep wondering if she’s someday going to realize that she can just...stay in Equestria. She was only staying here at first because the portal was closed, right? And because of her falling out with that world’s Celestia? But she’s made up with Celestia now, and she can go back at any time. So...what if she decides she’d rather be back home? I…” Twilight suddenly found her shoes very interesting. “I don’t want her to leave.” She looked up at Lemon Zest, her fingers shaking. “Does that make me a bad person?”

Lemon Zest shook her head. “I don’t think so. It makes you kind of an idiot, but not a bad person.”

“Hey!”

“Sunset Shimmer’s been able to go back to Equestria for a long time now. I think I heard she was even considering it for a while. Until a certain purple-haired nerd fell into her life, that is…” Twilight grinned, embarrassed but clearly happy. “I mean, I’m not exactly close with her, but from what I can tell she’s not here because she has to be. She’s here because she wants to be. I think this is her home, now...with occasional visits back to where she grew up.”

Twilight sighed, clearly relieved to have that off her chest. “Okay, so, like I was saying…”

***One hour earlier

“Well...if you INSIST on going…” Twilight said, opening her backpack and shoving a pile of electronics into Sunset Shimmer’s arms. “Would you mind taking a few readings for me? Magic’s just SO much more common over there, even a few days of data from over there would be worth months of research.”

Sunset heaved up the equipment under one arm and examined it. “Is this...a decommissioned sonar? And pieces from a spectrometer from...twenty years ago? Where do you find all this stuff?”

Twilight scratched the back of her head awkwardly. “I...may know a guy who has a cool lab of his own. Obsessed with time travel, but he lets me take some of his old gear if I need it.”

Sunset smiled coyly. “So, you came with me to get data for your magical research? Twilight Sparkle...I’m surprised at you, really. Here I thought you were genuinely concerned for my wellbeing.”

Twilight waved her hands defensively. “N-no-no-no, I am! I really am! But, I figured...since you were probably going ANYWAYS, and AGAINST my recommendation, you may as well bring this stuff with you. You know...to make me feel...better about you going?” Twilight gave a very unconvincingly innocent smile.

Sunset placed her hand on her forehead in the most blatant, and playful, impersonation of Rarity she could manage. “And here I thought you wanted me for my mind! It turns out, all along you were just after what all girls like you are after. Scientific data.”

Still not fully catching onto the joke, Twilight shook her head and waved her hands. “No, no, no, I DO want you for your mind. I just...I also...I...I...I’ll buy you dinner when you get back if you do this for me!”

Sunset Shimmer gave a happy smile and hoisted the equipment up a little higher. “Alright. I’m going to hold you to that, then.”

“So you’ll do it?” Twilight asked. Sunset Shimmer nodded.

“Someplace vegetarian, okay?” Twilight bobbed her head happily.

“You got it! I’ll find the perfect place!”

“Okay, it’s a date,” Sunset Shimmer said. She waved and stepped through the portal, vanishing from this universe in a flash of rippling stone.

It took a moment for Twilight’s normally very efficient brain to catch up to what Sunset Shimmer had just said. “...a DATE?!”

***One hour and fifteen minutes later

“So,” Indigo Zap said, spinning around absently in her chair. This was Twilight’s second time retelling the story, and her face was quite red by this point. After hearing it the first time, Lemon Zest had insisted that they call for ‘backup’, and had convened the rest of the Shadowbolts to her dorm room. “You offered to take Sunset Shimmer out to dinner in exchange for scientific data about Equestrian magic.” Twilight nodded, too embarrassed to speak.

“After you told her that you ‘want her’.” Sour Sweet added. Twilight nodded again, turning an even deeper shade of red.

“You realize what happened here, don’t you?” Indigo Zap said. Twilight shook her head.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Sunset Shimmer totally set you up,” Sugarcoat said, leaning up against Lemon Zest’s desk.

“Huh?”

“Twilight, darling,” Sunny Flare said, filing her nails as she spoke. “Sunset Shimmer clearly put on that whole, overly dramatic display because she knew it would fluster you.”

“She’s one to talk about, ‘overly dramatic’,” Indigo Zap mumbled, but stopped when Sunny Flare shot her a dirty look.

“Then the semi-flirtatious addition of, ‘thought you wanted me for my mind’? She was pushing you to say something like you did.”

“And you fell right into it,” Sour Sweet said. “She’s good…”

“G-guys, I don’t think-” Twilight mumbled.

“That’s our Twilight,” Indigo Zap said, sliding next to Twilight on the bed. “Can’t keep the girls off her, huh?”

“Of course, this was just the opening move,” Sunny Flare said, resting her chin on her forefinger in consideration. “And first point Sunset Shimmer, I must say. But as impressive an opening as it is, we’re in mid-game now. It’s time to react!”

“Ball’s in your court, Twi,” Indigo Zap said.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“They MEAN that you’d BETTER NOT SCREW THIS UP,” Sour Sweet said, jabbing her finger against Twilight’s chest. Her tone immediately changed from hostile to loving. “Because we’re all so supportive of you, and just want you to be happy.”

“Clever move, her getting you to plan the date,” Sunny Flare said.

“It lets her figure out more about you, and what your intentions are, based on what you decide,” Indigo Zap explained as Twilight just looked confused.

“She’ll be able to deduce if you’re completely smitten with her, if you only have a casual interest, if you’re well versed in the art of dating, or if this is your first date.” Sunny Flare squinted and leaned in close to examine Twilight, who was sweating heavily. “This...is your first date, isn’t it?”

“Uh...well…” Twilight trembled nervously in place under the gaze of her...well, she supposed she could call them ‘friends’, even if right now they felt more like interrogators or drill sergeants. Resigned, she sighed. “Yes. It’ll be my first date.”

“Wonderful!” Sunny Flare said.

“Oh yes! Absolutely WONDERFUL!” Sour Sweet said, changing from cheerful to aggrivated halfway through the sentence. “Because nothing says, 'she’ll do a great job' like having NO EXPERIENCE!”

Sunny Flare crossed her arms and glared at Sour Sweet. “It’s WONDERFUL because it’s ROMANTIC.” She immediately composed herself and turned back to Twilight. “And we’ll help you. We’ll teach you sophistication. Elegance.”

“How to sweep that girl off her feet!” Indigo Zap said, slamming her hand down on the bed, causing Twilight to jump with a tiny squeak.

“You’ll have her eating out of your hand by the end of the night,” Sour Sweet said. “It’ll be SO SWEET!”

Twilight gulped. These were her friends, she told herself. They wanted to help her.

...even if they were gathered around her like a pack of hungry wolves who had just stumbled across a very wounded, very delicious looking lamb.

***

“Now, dearie,” Sunny Flare said, pacing around the room as Twilight sat very stiffly in the desk chair. For the sake of everyone’s sanity the Shadowbolts had decided to split up and do one-on-one coaching. “Before Sunset Shimmer came to this world, she was the chosen apprentice of some kind of princess, isn’t that right?” Twilight nodded.

“Yeah, that world’s version of Principal Celestia.” Sunny Flare lifted a finger and absently waved it as she spoke and paced, like she was conducting an invisible orchestra.

“So she was raised in high society. Surrounded by culture and art and men and women of only the highest social standing.”

“I...think they’re called mares and stallions,” Twilight said. Sunny Flare huffed, briefly breaking her composure, then continued.

“The point, dearie, is that Sunset Shimmer is clearly a girl of good breeding and sophistication. The poor dear must be going simply mad being stuck at...Canterlot High School,” Sunny Flare opened her mouth and pointed inside in a ‘blech’ gesture. “Simply starved for culture, I’m sure. Which is where you come in.” Sunny Flare spun around and pointed directly at Twilight.

“Uh...me?” Twilight asked, pointing at herself.

“That’s right,” Sunny Flare said, practically dancing with excitement. “You will be the perfect, elegant date. Everything she’s been missing since she came into this world. Romance! Class! A true, fairytale date! Oooo! You’ll meet her at the portal when she comes back. A hansom cab waiting for her, red carpet, rose petals!” Twilight raised a hand. “Yes, dearie?”

“Aren’t hansom cabs pulled by horses? Couldn’t that be...uncomfortable for her? You know...considering?”

“I think I heard they have carriages pulled by horses in Equestria,” Sunny Flare said. “But fair enough, make it a limo to be on the safe side. Get something classy to drink...Applejack has some rather high-quality apple cider, doesn’t she? Keep a bottle of that on ice in the limo. Then you take her to an elegant ball!” Twilight raised her hand again. Sunny Flare rolled her eyes. “Are you serious with the hand raising? What is it?”

“I don’t think we have any balls around here...dances, sure, but not really a traditional ball or anything like that. Especially not on whatever day Sunset Shimmer comes back.” Sunny Flare gave an aggravated groan.

“FINE. Dancing, then. I’m sure we can manage dancing.” Twilight tentatively raised her hand again. “What is it now?” Twilight looked down at the ground, a little embarrassed.

“I...don’t know how to da-aaaaaance!” Without a moment’s hesitation Sunny Flare grabbed Twilight by the hand, pulled her to her feet and led her in a very skillful, if simple, waltz. “Sunny Flare...how do you know how to-”

“Dearie, you can’t perform in as many plays as I have without learning how to dance,” Sunny Flare said. “And if you know how to dance well, you can lead just about anyone else through it.” Demonstrating her point, Sunny Flare gave Twilight a little spin, then pulled her in close. Uncomfortably close. “See? Easy.”

“E-easy…” Twilight said, blushing.

“Of course, you’ll have to learn how to lead by the time Sunset returns.” Twilight raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Lead?”

“Why yes, dearie. Sunset Shimmer was the apprentice of a princess, right? From what we’ve heard, your alternate from that same world, who happens to be Sunset’s successor, eventually became a princess herself. That makes Sunset Shimmer practically royalty.”

“I don’t think it works that wa-”

“And as royalty,” Sunny Flare said, interrupting Twilight by dipping her, “she needs to be courted. Swept off her feet. Charmed and pursued. You need to show her a magical night.”

“Let me guess,” Twilight said with a sigh. “I need to get a...gown?”

“Oh, no, of course not,” Sunny Flare said, waving her hand dismissively and chuckling. “You need a suit.”

“A SUIT?!”

“Yes, of course! You need to be her prince...so to speak.”

“I’m not a-”

“And a PRINCE wears a suit, picks their princess up in a carriage, leads in the dance, and makes everything absolutely perfect. Every. Little. Detail.”

Twilight gulped. “I-I don’t know...Sunset Shimmer ran away from all that. She didn’t go into detail, but I think she found that life kind of...restrictive. I mean, she rides a motorcycle and wears a leather jacket. And has...gorgeous eyes and hair that-”

“Twilight! Focus!”

“Right, right...my point is, I don’t think this is really...well, her. Maybe we could do something a little more...casual?”

Sunny Flare’s eye twitched. “Casual? Casual?! Twilight Sparkle, you are courting borderline ROYALTY. There is a PROCEDURE here! There are RULES. And we are going to make this night PERFECT and ELEGANT and ROMANTIC because THAT is how THINGS ARE DONE!”

“Gaaaaaah!” Twilight ran out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

***

“Okay, here’s what you do,” Indigo Zap said, spinning the chair around and sitting backwards on it. “First, don’t pick her up at the portal. You let her get back, go home, maybe get comfortable, then-” Indigo Zap pulled out her cell phone and shoved it in Twilight’s face. “Bam! You send a text. Something super casual, like, ‘Hey, SS, hear you’re back in town? How about dinner?’”

Twilight bit her lip. “I...think I should pick her up at the portal. I told her I’d meet her there…”

“That’s exactly it!” Indigo Zap said, jumping up on top of the chair in excitement. “You have to make it seem like you forgot all about it. Then, when she’s sitting at home, wondering if you remembered, you come in and invite her out. She’s all eager, and you’re in control!”

“In...control?”

“Yeah!” Indigo Zap said and she pumped her fist. “That’s what dating’s all about. You’ve got an alpha, and a beta. You want to be the alpha.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.”

“It’s TOTALLY how it works!” Indigo Zap said, plopping herself back onto the chair. “You’ve got to keep it casual. No dressing up, no fancy restaurants. Just take her to the burger place.”

“Sunset’s a vegetarian…”

“Perfect! Gives you the edge.”

“I really don’t want to make her uncomfortable…”

Indigo Zap sighed and rolled her eyes. “They’ve got veggie burgers there, she won’t starve. Wimp.”

Twilight scratched the back of her head awkwardly. “And this is my first date...I sort of want it to be a little nicer than that…”

“WRONG!” Indigo Zap yelled. “Dating is about WINNING. Not romance or ‘having a nice time’ or any junk like that.”

Twilight started to stand up, but Indigo Zap jumped across the room and leaned over her, pressuring Twilight down into her seat. “Now, let’s talk about getting her eating out of your hand. You’ve got to be calm. Casual. Ignore her as much as possible.”

“That seems like the sort of thing a jerk would do…”

“You’ve got to talk down about anything she mentions. If she likes a book, you hate it. If she’s wearing a new shirt, it’s, ‘okay’. She’s a vegetarian? You can’t LIVE without a good burger. Got it?”

“I’m actually not big on eating meat myself…”

“Twilight, you’re not going to win at dating with that attitude. Now, clothing. If you were in a sports club, I’d suggest wearing your uniform. It makes it seem like you just dropped by after you got out of practice. Plus, they show a little skin, and that can’t hurt you-”

“INDIGO!” Twilight yelled, her face bright red.

“Alright, alright, geeze...anyways, if we can’t swing that, you want something that highlights your attractive traits. You got contacts?”

Twilight looked around the room. “Uh...no.” She took off her glasses. “Something wrong with my glasses?”

“Glasses are fine, but kinda nerdy. You want to show off your physical traits. Dating’s really all about attraction, at least at the beginning.”

“R-really?”

“Really,” Indigo Zap said, nodding. “How about your archery outfit from The Friendship Games? That was kinda awesome. Oh, but then she might remember how bad you were at it...maybe just your Crystal Prep uniform, then? It’s what you were wearing when you beat her in the Academic Decathlon, so that’ll give you the psychological edge. Oh, or-”

***

“If there’s one thing I know about dating, it’s that you gotta send. Mixed. Signals.” Sour Sweet pounded her first into her palm on the last two words to make her point.

“Uh...mixed signals?” Twilight asked. Sour Sweet nodded. “That sounds...counterintuitive.”

“Aww...she thinks it sounds counterintuitive…” Sour Sweet said, pursing her lips and talking in a high tone like she was speaking to a dog. Then she gritted her teeth, and said in a deep, growling voice, “Listen up! You got to keep her on her toes! If she’s not engaged, she’s bored, and that’s the OPPOSITE of love! If she thinks you’re a jerk, then at least she cares. But if she loses interest, you. Are. DEAD!”

Twilight jumped in her seat as Sour Sweet yelled that past point. “D-dead?”

“Dead! So, you’ve got to walk a fine line. You want her rocking back and forth from one emotional extreme to the other. One moment you’re in love with her, the next, you HATE her! Never let her get a real handle on what you’re feeling. Confusion is your greatest ally here.”

“...this is your dating advice?” Twilight asked.

“Yup,” Sour Sweet said with a nod.

“...care to tell me how long WE’VE been dating, then?” Twilight added. A flash of anger flew through Sour Sweet’s eyes, and Twilight gulped before it subsided.

“Oh...trust me,” Sour Sweet said, pinching Twilight’s cheek. “If we were dating...you’d know it.”

“U-understood.” Twilight sighed with relief as Sour Sweet sat back down.

“You’re going to need to make plans, then cancel them. Then make new plans, then cancel again. Show up late, then change what you want to do. You can’t let her have a moment to get a game plan of her own going. THAT’S the key to dating: constant pressure!”

“Yeah,” Twilight said as she tucked back a lock of hair. “I’m feeling the pressure.”

***

Sugarcoat sat in her chair, arms folded, staring at Twilight. Twilight coughed to break the silence, but it only highlighted the awkwardness of the moment. In the background, an analogue clock ticked away, marking the silent moments passing.

“Okay,” Twilight said, tapping her notepad with the end of her pen, “Let’s go over what we’ve got so far…'Go on a date with her.'”

“Yup.”

“...And that’s all you have?”

“Pretty much.”

Twilight tapped the pen against her forehead and closed her eyes. “Honestly, I sort of hoped you’d have a little more for me. Near as I can tell, you’re the only one of us who has any sort of actual, real-life romantic experience.”

“Yes. And I gave you everything I learned, right there.”

“Okay…” Twilight said, breathing out slowly. Calm, calm down. “Let’s take this from another angle. What TYPE of date should I take her on?”

“Cookie decorating. Pie eating contest. After-hours amusement park.”

Twilight wrote down the suggestions in her notebook, then raised her index finger. “Question...have you ever dated anyone besides Pinkie Pie?”

Sugarcoat raised a questioning eyebrow. “Why would I want to?”

Twilight sighed. “Yeah...this isn’t going to be that helpful…”

***

“A concert!” Lemon Zest said, grabbing her guitar and playing a long, reverbing chord with a wide grin on her face.

“Okay...Sunset’s in a band so that’s...actually kind of constructive,” Twilight said. “I’m not sure what will be playing when she gets back, but I’m sure I can find something.”

“Oh no,” Lemon Zest said. “Not one of your lame symphonies or whatever, or a school band. A real concert. I’ll set you up.” Lemon Zest walked over to her desk and pulled up a black sheet of paper.

“Uh...Lemon Zest?” Twilight asked. “That’s...blank.”

“It is right now,” Lemon Zest said, then hit a switch on the wall. The lights turned out, and Lemon Zest turned on a blacklight. Glowing, purple ink appeared on the page, revealing a skull and crossbones and dripping, gothic lettering. “It’s an advertisement to a seeeeecret underground club! Just what you need for an exciiiiting evening with your new girlfriend.”

“Sh-she’s not my-”

“A little danger in the evening, she grabs your arm, too scared to be separated from you. Next thing you know, she’s just holding onto you because it feels nice…” Lemon Zest noticed the disturbed look on Twilight’s face. “What? We both know that fear triggers romantic attraction. This is perfect.”

“This sounds...kind of illegal,” Twilight said, shaking her head. “I don’t know if Sunset would be comfortable with that.”

“Wasn’t she a criminal in her home world?”

Twilight coughed to cover a blush. “She was pardoned…” she said. “And she’s trying to leave that side of her behind. I’d...rather not expose her to anything that’d make her uncomfortable.”

“Oh, trust me on this: it won’t make her uncomfortable,” Lemon Zest said, giving a mischievous grin. “Girls like Sunset Shimmer YEARN for a little danger in their lives. She may have given up on the dark side, but she misses it. She misses being the bad guy, she misses the excitement of it all, she misses doing things she knows her precious little friends won’t approve of. You can give her an outlet for that. Let her be her old, bad self for a little bit.”

“I really don’t think she'd want that,” Twilight said, looking down sadly. “I know I wouldn’t…”

“Yeah, yeah, you turned into some reality warping demon-thing, that’s not important right now. This is about dating, Twilight. It’s serious business. Underground club, that’s the way to go.”

***

“Okay, I’ve reviewed all of the suggestions you’ve given me,” Twilight said, looking down at the pages of notes that she had taken. “And I’ve come to my conclusion: your advice is all terrible.”

“Whatever do you mean, dearie?” Sunny Flare asked. The Shadowbolts were sitting together on Lemon Zest’s dorm room bed, as Twilight stood in front of them like she was giving a presentation.

“I mean it’s horrible. Just, the worst. I’m sort of terrified that you all came up with these suggestions. They were either completely impractical, not the sort of thing either Sunset or I would like to do, involved toying with her emotions to get her to like me more, or, in some cases, outright illegal.” Twilight shot Lemon Zest a very pointed look at the last part, then an even more pointed one at Sour Sweet.

“It can’t have been that bad,” Sugarcoat said. Twilight turned her notes around to show the group, who read them and then awkwardly avoided eye contact with one another.

“Well...none of us really are the best at this,” Sour Sweet said.

“We don’t really know how friendship works, much less romantic relationships,” Lemon Zest added.

“Speak for yourself,” Indigo Zap chimed in. “MY advice would’ve worked.”

“I know you all were just trying to help me,” Twilight said, dropping the papers. “And maybe this stuff works for you guys. I don’t know. But...I think I’m going to just try being honest with her and see where that gets me.”

“Seems like a good approach to me,” Sugarcoat said.

“Hold on,” Sunny Flare said, sighing. “If you INSIST on doing this improperly...Sunset’s a proud girl. She doesn’t like to show it, but she’s proud of her intelligence and athleticism. Show her you notice by complementing those attributes.”

“Even if she’s vegetarian, she does love good food,” Indigo Zap added, crossing her arms and grumbling as she offered her advice. “There’s a new restaurant in town called ‘The Tasty Treat’. There’s a lot of vegetarian stuff there, and it’s surprisingly good. You know...for vegetarian.”

“Let her drive,” Sour Sweet said, avoiding eye contact. “She loves riding that motorcycle, and she’ll love an opportunity to show off for you.”

“She likes you. Just be honest with her, and you’ll be fine,” Sugarcoat said.

“Go to a horror movie afterwards. And pretend you’re scared. That’ll give her an excuse to get close to her,” Lemon Zest said. “Underground party would be BETTER, but…”

“Thank you, girls,” Twilight said. Her eyes were tearing up with gratitude. “Really...thank you. That’s...actually pretty helpful.”

“What’s Sunset even going back to Equestria for anyways?” Sour Sweet asked. “Seems sort of out-of-the-blue.”

“Apparently, her world’s...version of me called in a favor. There’s some kind of crisis going on, one that requires three of the smartest unicorns alive to solve. Fate of the world, that kind of thing.”

“Wow…” Indigo Zap said.

“Sounds like the sort of thing only a talented storyteller could do justice to,” Sunny Flare said.

“Too bad we’ll never hear about it,” Sugarcoat added.

***

Twilight stood at the edge of the portal, breathing in and out, slowly and deliberately to calm herself. Before she left Sunset had lent Twilight the book that she used to communicate with Equestria so Twilight would be able to get in touch with her if she needed to, or to tell her when she was coming back. This morning the book had started to vibrate, and a short, simple message appeared.

“Should be back tonight. Looking forward to seeing you.”

Twilight felt her heartbeat increase as the redhead appeared through the stone base where the Wondercolt Statue had been, waving backwards before turning around. “Oh, it’s good to have hands again,” Sunset Shimmer said, flexing her fingers before waving to Twilight. “Hey there!” she said.

“Hi Sunset!” Twilight said, running forward. She noticed that Sunset was carrying her measuring equipment under her left arm. “Oh! You took readings for me?”

“Sure did! Equestria’s Twilight says hi, by the way.” Twilight reached out to take the equipment, but Sunset Shimmer quickly tugged it away. “Uh-uh, nope. I’m holding your precious data hostage until you get me that dinner you promised me.”

Twilight giggled. “I’ve got just the place. Hungry?”

“Starving,” Sunset said, rubbing her stomach. “Equestria food is good and all, but I didn’t get a chance to grab anything before coming home.”

“Then I won’t keep you waiting,” Twilight said. She turned to start walking to the street, but stopped. “Um...Sunset...could I ask you something?”

“Sure Twilight,” Sunset said, a concerned look crossing her face. “What’s up?”

“Did you set me up?”

“Huh?” Sunset asked.

“I mean...did you…” Twilight blushed heavily. “I-I don’t know exactly what you were thinking, but...you said it was a date before you left, and...well...did you mean to get me to ask you out?”

“Totally,” Sunset said, completely unashamed of herself.

“O-oh,” Twilight said, blushing even harder, but smiling. “W-why?”

Sunset shrugged. “I like you. And unless I’m reading this totally wrong, you like me too.”

“W-well, y-y-yeah…”

“I didn’t exactly want to pressure you or anything, but you were taking forever to make a move. So I figured a little flirtation was in order. If you weren’t ready, you wouldn’t respond, but if you were but were just scared, maybe you’d take the leap. I didn’t expect it to work out as well as it did, but I was happy with the results.” Sunset gave a little, vulnerable look and added. “I...wasn’t always the best person, I think you know. I manipulated a lot of people for some petty reasons. I’m not proud of it, but I’m good at it. I figured maybe I could use that talent for something good this time.” There was a pause, and Sunset added. “Are you upset?”

“No,” Twilight said immediately. “I...guess I needed a push.”

As Twilight and Sunset laughed and continued down the street, five sets of eyes followed them from a nearby hedge.

“Operation, ‘Stalk Twilight and Sunset’s First Date’: begins!” Indigo Zap said.

“Can we at least call it something else?” Sunny Flare asked.

“No.”

Author's Note

So, I hadn't actually planned on writing a SunsetXTwilight piece for a while, but this one sort of all came to me at once. I really wanted to explore how The Shadowbolts would give dating advice, and the answer I came up with was, "badly". I had a lot of fun writing this piece, it all just sort of came at once. I hope you like it! :twilightsmile: