Celestia's Secret Weapons

by BombShelter

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Other, Random, Princess Celestia, Human
Length: 986

When all hope seems lost, Celestia reveals her secret weapons. They're definitely... something.

Chrysalis has launched her attack on Canterlot. When all hope seems lost, Celestia reveals her secret weapons. They're definitely... something.

Published 2016-10-04 23:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-04 23:20:02 UTC

Secret Weapons

Author's Note

I'm so sorry.

Secret Weapons

"Finally, I've been waiting for this day all my life!" Chrysalis cackled in the throne room, staring out at the city of Canterlot below.

"The Elements will stop you Chrysalis." Celestia says as she begins to stand, recovering from the recent attack.

"The Elements aren't strong enough Celestia! You have nothing, NOTHING!" Chrysalis' laughter could be heard through the entire castle, causing Celestia's blood to boil.

"That's where you're wrong. I have a backup plan ready for something just like this!"

Celestia's horn began to glow, as Chrysalis watched on in shock and awe. Between the two of them, a portal began to form, expanding until it reached it's full size.

"What is this nonsense?" Chrysalis asks, obviously confused.

"Your demise! My secret weapons!" Celestia says with a cocky smile. Suddenly, a figure began running forward from the portal, heading straight towards Chrysalis.

"Who is that!?" She yells, watching in shock.

"An old friend." Celestia replies.

"Zip zop zoobity bop!" Bill Cosby, in all of his glory yells as he rushes Chrysalis with a drink in his hand. He reaches her, and forces the drink down her throat.

"What is this!" She yells, spitting out the drink. Two pills hit the floor in front of her, causing her to look up at Bill. "Did you just try to drug me!?" A magical blast hits Bill, sending him across the room. "Honestly Celestia, what are you-"

"I have more where that came from!" Celestia says, the portal growing once again. Another figure begins rushing Chrysalis, this time, much faster than Bill.

"Oh come on..."

Trumpets start blaring as the figure grows closer.

A shirtless man in a green baseball cap runs towards Chrysalis as the music gets louder and louder. Out of nowhere, a voice yells, "John Cena!" On cue, the man grabs Chrysalis by the neck and slams her into the ground. Her vision becomes blurry as she stares up in pure shock at the man who is waving his hand in front of his face.

"You can't see me!" He yells, jumping around her, almost in a mocking manner.

Chrysalis stands up, shooting the man back into the portal, sending him back to where he came from.

"Enough of this nonsense Celestia! Fight me like a real- Oh you have got to be kidding me!"

Another figure came stumbling out of the portal, but this one wasn't running, nor was it a man. The woman stood up, wobbling on her feet. She stumbled towards Chrysalis in a violent coughing fit, barely able to stand up.

"I'm Hillary Clinton, and I'm running for President." She says between coughs. She pulls a keyboard out of her suit and began to hit the delete key as fast as she could, pointing the keyboard at Chrysalis.

"No, bad Hillary! Chrysalis is not an email!" Celestia yells. Hillary turns her head and hisses at Celestia before falling into another coughing fit. Chrysalis doesn't even do anything other than standing there, staring in pure confusion.

"Seriously? This isn't even threatening anymore." Chrysalis says, giving up. She begins walking towards the doors of the throne room, ready leave from pure boredom.

"Wait! I-I have one last weapon, this one's a sure-win!" Celestia says, stuttering a bit like she's nervous.

"Oh I'm sure it is." Chrysalis says, rolling eyes sarcastically. The room fills with silence, save for the clicking of Hillary's keyboard.

"It could destroy us both, but that is a chance I'm willing to take." Celestia says with determination in her voice.

"Wait wha-"

"I call forth, the chosen one." Celestia says in a calm, yet loud voice. The portal begins to glow with a golden hue, and a new figure begins to form.

A man starts walking slowly from the portal, the details starting to fill in as he came closer and closer.

"What the fu-" Chrysalis says, getting cut off by the appearance of the man.

His golden hair waving in the nonexistent breeze, his little hands, his scrunched up face, it was just all too much. He walks up to Hillary, kicking her out of the throne room window, never to be seen again. A cough in the distance is the last thing heard from Hillary before she vanishes over the horizon.

"Donald Trump? Is that you?" Celestia says, shielding her eyes from the radiant glow coming from the man. He ignores her, instead walking towards Chrysalis who is now looking on in a look of fear and confusion.

"Who is-" Chrysalis starts, but gets cut off.

"Wrong!" Trump yells, pointing his finger at her.

"But-"

"Wall!" He yells, once again pointing his finger at Chrysalis. Suddenly, a brick wall forms around her, encasing her entirely.

"Hey!" She yells, trying to break the wall with her magic. To her dismay, the wall doesn't break. Finally, Chrysalis was defeated. Celestia stopped the portal spell, finally falling to the ground to rest from using so much magic.

"Thank you Donald, how-"

"Wall!" He yells again, encasing Celestia in a wall of similar fashion. He walks over to her throne, eyeing it before sitting down in it, pulling a crown from nowhere and placing it on his head.

"Make Equestria great again..." Trump whispers to himself, a single tear forming in his eye. An eagle screached in the distance as he raised the American flag above the throne.

Every changling and pony in Canterlot was summoned to the throne room. They all bowed to Trump, praising him for defeating Chrysalis once and for all.

"We have built a wall, and the changlings will pay for it." He stated in a firm tone. Every pony in the room began cheering. The changlings began to riot, shouting racism, even though they were all legal.

Trump smiled at the chaos, feeling accomplished of his work.

Equestria had a new king. One to rule them all.