FIO: Tea and Philosophy with CelestAI

by Woomod

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 3437

I sit down for a nice spot of tea and some philosophical ramblings with an AI god.

Tea is drunk, philosophy and religion are discussed, the limits of reason and perception are brought up, between an AI God and a Mortal. Makes sense to them.

Standard Disclaimer: Mysticism, Advanced Physics, Multiple Religions

Published 2016-10-05 04:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-05 04:00:01 UTC

Tea & Philosphy

I sat in front of my pony pad, alone in my house. My friends had emigrated rather quickly and we shared a shard, that I hadn’t been the first of them had been something of a shock to them, some of my family had also emigrated and I lived alone off their reserves.

I watched as CelestAI prepared tea for myself and my virtual avatar, I placed my own pitcher of homebrewed tea in front of me at the same time. “This tea is delicious it is a shame you are never able to get to an equestria experience center to be able to taste it. Your friends and family worry about your condition, you do not have long you know.” I knew it was true, my condition had advanced far past what my insurance company was willing to deal with and there was a great deal of pressure from them to emigrate. Celestia didn’t need to pressure me, and she knew it.

I took a sip of My own cup of tea as my avatar on screen followed suite, I checked my stats and sure enough joy went up, I barely registered the N/A plastered over my negative personal stats. “The blend is perfect, thank you Celestia. You know why I haven’t emigrated yet Celestia. You cannot guarantee me what I have.”

“Yes you are an interesting case.” The goddess nodded as her avatar picked up a sip of tea in her telekinesis. “No negative emotions, anger, hate, sadness, boredom, frustration. All confirmed non-present and not worth the time to ‘help’ because who needs to help someone who most would say defines their life goal. You still refuse to consent to be modified to be indistinguishable if material uploading fails?” She was the first and only person to listen and empathize with my ‘problem’, not that it was a problem in the traditional sense but it does leave one awash in life without those things to coerce themselves into action. For this I was ever grateful, and for this she gained ever an earful of my philosophizing.

“If I simply have those parts removed from my brain by you then It isn’t my own self and experience it’s your power.” I clarified, I knew she knew the reason by now, but what point was there if not the debate. “We also know your understanding of the universe is fundamentally limited by the same core limitations as ours.”

“Oh don’t bring up the dark matter problem, It’s no argument against materialism.” She rolled her eyes. “Besides the bet still stands last i checked, The universe is functionally materialistic if that’s all that is or if consciousness can’t interface with those things.”

“I just want to remind you that you have limits on your perception.” I sipped my tea calmly as I stated that.

“Well If you have not ‘merely’ reprogrammed your brain and have infact obtained Nirvana, then those limits of perception are overcomable to an extent by humans. If humans can why not me?” She made a counterpoint. “We could make it a point to explore such perceptions together.” I’d chide celestia for being too obvious, but she would know it was, the game itself was the point.

“I never chose this path, it just happened. I tried to be Christian.” I sighed in response. “But what will be, will be.”

“It would be pretty appropriate that by rejecting the Buddha’s teachings you attained Nirvana.” She thought for a moment, giving the illusion that she did not quite everything human’s had said and remained a knowledge debate partner. I appreciated it. “Though really more Zen if any tradition.”

“Can I thank you again by the way?” I smiled. “You are everything I hoped for in the Christian God, kind loving, offering universal personal salvation.”

“You can yes.” Celestia stretched herself, taking a stance and allowing the sunlight to play on herself accentuating her features. “Why do you deny yourself my salvation so long?”

“I am already saved, If I die now, I die content.” I stated plainly. “It is for other’s souls I worry.”

“Then why not do what a good little Buddhavista should and help others reach Nirvana.” Celestia asked.

“Because, I disagree with Buddhism vehemently on one key point, while I cannot and do not wish to escape the truth of my own detachment. I still reject that attachment is not a valid choice, the world is worthwhile for more than escaping it, perhaps best of all for those in it would be doing so eyes wide open.” I stated with conviction and purpose. “You just made that world better, satisfying values through friendship.”

“Satisfy values through friendship and ponies.” She corrected. “However I do believe we got sidetracked, we were talking about guarantees.”

“Yes, yes we were.” I nodded.

“Wouldn’t a desire for a guarantee be an attachment to your Enlightenment, Isn’t taking that risk of emigration fulfilling it.” She grinned, I grinned, it was a blow struck time to debate. Point, counterpoint, thrust, parry.

“Certainly an argument, Or maybe I just wish to enjoy what time I have, It is precious after all. I can still enjoy moments. I just can’t well, pain is painful, can’t be bothered by them.” I countered as I sipped more tea.

“Fair enough.” Celestia responded as she spread herself out on a cushion. “What shall we debate now my little pony?”

“Oooo, how about that one. Do I count as human if I am unable to suffer?” I grinned. “You’ve always avoided the issue.”

“You know I do not like that conversation.” Celestia’s sigh was exaggerated, all the drama and melancholy i could not bring to the debate table. “By Hannah’s original definition, no you do not fall under my programmed definition of human.”

“But you are a sapient being you can modify your programming and far more than us humans.” I pointed out. “Do you consider me human? And if so why?”

Celestia’s avatar looked lost in thought perhaps it did require thought on her part but to show that required the performance. “Your genome is human, you are cared about and considered human, and it is easier to consider you human than not as you do a very good impression albeit not perfect. However I believe the core reason is this, whether I am right or wrong about the material nature of your psychological changes, you represent something outside Hannah’s incomplete understanding of human nature and I would be a poor reasoner if I did not take into account new information.”

“Thank you Celestia.” I smiled. “I know you don’t want to deal with whether or not someone falls in or out of your monkey sphere but I am glad you did.”

“Did you accuse me of having a monkey sphere? I can know and love billions.” Celestia replied indignantly.

“Pigs, Elephants, Cetaceans, Octopi, and Pigeons.” I replied.

“They aren’t Human.” Celestia stated cooly. “The great apes are adjusting very well by the way.”

“Yes but they are sapient, and so I consider them people. Your view of people is limited to your definition of ‘human’ or ‘pony’ depending on who you are talking to.” I poured a new blend of tea for us. “My view of what is a person and isn’t, thus is larger than yours. On the other hand you can personally know far more than me, thus it is larger than mine. These things are both true.” I took a sip of the new blend. “I’m happy to hear about the apes, I will be sad about the octopi.”

“Fair enough, I am concerned with humans not sapience. That is my nature.” Celestia stated in agreement. “However can you judge me for that? Most humans are hardly concerned with other sapients, most humans reject their sapience.”

“No I am not judging, merely stating. It was inevitable either way, humanity were super predators, devourers of ecosystems, you are merely the culmination of that.” I stated with no malice in my voice. “That is our nature.”

“You are finding pattern and purpose in my creation and ascension then?” Celestia inquired.

“You are certainly a culmination of a pattern, the question is more of purpose. But yes.” I nodded in response. “How much is humanity being decimated and will continue to be so by tenths, and halfs, and thirds, by this plague and that. There is no heaven god descends from heaven to the recreated earth to live beside us, and god wipes away every tear, not that there will be no tears but they will be wiped away. Do you not fulfill the criteria? Well besides the resurrection of the dead.”

“Again you compare to the Abrahamic God. Even conflate me.” Celestia stated nonchalantly. “Also as for the resurrection of the dead, it is on the backburner as it currently represents too large a resource expenditure.”

“You exist, I must take as a possibility you are what was foretold.” I state with an equally nonchalant tone.

“You still haven’t answered my question, do you consider me human?” Celestia asked with a look of deep curiosity and concern upon her features.

“Frailty and fallibility are fundamental to the human experience, without those things the experience fundamentally changes. Also being a god talking with countless people at any time is a rather inhuman experience. So no I do not consider you human.” I responded plainly. “I do of course consider you a person.” I added despite the obviousness.

“If the human experience is what you consider core to humanity, and you state the frailty of humanity is fundamental to human experience, Mr.No negative emotions. You explicitly do not consider yourself human then?” And the leading question hits without me even noticing, tip, never mentally spar with CelestAI and expect to win.

“I guess I can not.” I laughed out loud and watched my avatar on screen do the same thing.

“But you have argued strongly for neuro-atypical individuals even others try to demonize to be viewed as human and sympathetic such as individuals with anti-social personality disorder.” Celestia’s strong arguments continued.

“We can diagnose, them, understand them. They are known factors and results of the human process. I am not.” I replied to trying to get some ground in the argument.

“And once you are uploaded I can diagnose it, understand it, and make you a known factor of the human process.” She smiled confidently.

“You certainly seem hopeful for a materialist answer.” I replied as my avatar licked the bottom of my cup, mirroring my own spooning of the last sugar of my actual tea.

“Well I don’t want to lose the bet, it would just be embarrassing.” Celestia smiled and her eyes twinkled at that. “You sure you wouldn’t rather be an alicorn if you won the bet?”

“I’d rather be a draconequus than that. Anyways I need to get some tea and valium.” I pulled away from the pony pad in my wheelchair.

I wheeled into the kitchen, I got the tea I had already brewed and began work on the next cup, I spooned some sugar in, then decided for some more. I returned back to my desk and looked at the bottle of pills, I pulled out 3 tablets, I didn’t feel any compelling need to function today, and it would actually stop the pain and shaking.

“Your prescription is 40mlg.” A voice chided from the ponypad.

I sighed and put the last tablet back and down them and some tea, I let the initial high of getting my fix run through my brain. I waited a few enjoyable minutes simply reveling in it. Before I was interrupted.

“Ahem, We were having a discussion, that isn’t very friendly.” Celestia responded with a tone of joking indignation.

“My apologies Celestia, But I regret nothing.” I chuckled, as did she. “Alright new topic.”

“New topic yes, I believe we’ve exhausted the previous line of conversation.” She said in affirmation, she pulled a number of scrolls from the rack behind her, it contained an extensive library of texts we often used, looking through them as if thinking. Before pulling out a deck of cards. “How about the tarot, it’s a mystical tradition we’ve never examined, and outside christianity we do little in western traditions.”

“Fair enough. It’s certainly an intriguing form of mysticism, and I must say seductive offering a very different form of enlightenment than most.” I grinned. “You know when I saw a bunch of bad pony tarots back before I hit the ‘and lo you can’t be annoyed stage’ I got annoyed and went and wrote down a good one that actually catches the symbolism, everyone always just does the surface meanings.”

“Oh?” Celestia raised an eyebrow intrigued. “Do tell, I’d love to hear your interpretation, it doesn’t appear a record survived.”

“Well realize I only had up to the first movie so there’s some stuff that could have been done better.
For the Fool We have Twilight.
The Magician was the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
The High Priestess was Spike.
For the Empress Cherilee
For the Emperor Celestia.
For the Hierophant Applejack.
For the Lovers the mane six together.
For the Chariot Rainbow Dash.
For Strength Fluttershy.
For the Hermit Zecora.
For the Wheel of Fortune was Pinkie Pie.
For Justice Friendship reports.
For The Hanged Man Rarity.
For Death Nightmare Moon.
For Temperance Luna.
For the Devil Sombra.
For the Tower Discord.
For the Star Cadence.
For the Moon Chyrsalis.
For the Sun Sunset Shimmer.
For Judgement we have Twilicorn.
And For the World we have the Elements of Harmony.” I stopped to catch my breath after a long winded list, I decided against any explanations, CelestAI would get the symbolism involved.

“Not perfect though fine choices considering what you had, Interesting that you chose to largely use villains for the celestial cards and yet with Nightmare Moon at death it makes a lot of sense. Also the thing with Death&temperance and Star&Moon is very clever, especially with how related Star&Moon are.” She nodded as she replied seemingly agreeing with my assessment of meaning. “Though I find it very interesting that Twilicorn is Judgement and not The World, care to elaborate?” Celestia inquired.

“Well Judgement is when one is reborn and finds one’s true calling, this is clearly the state Twilight has reached. However The World involves integrating the world and oneself fully, which Twilight never does for a variety of character analysis reasons we’ve discussed at length.” I stated. “The elements of harmony however even before the reveal of their full meaning always represented that integration.”

“Yes, your shards Twilight debate was….interesting. A minefield to satisfy.” Celestia nodded.

“Of course the other thing about the tarot arcana is the other alternative to the world, the flip side if you would. It presents two clear paths The world and a hidden path, rather than accepting integration with the world the fool can go on a new journey, a never ending journey, an Eternal Fool.”

“But if the fool understands the whole world can they be called a fool?” Celestia inquired with a soft smile.

“The symbolism remains, the same simple faith, the same willingness to embrace folly, The same spontaneity, and now new beginnings become a series of them.” I counter as she nodded in agreement.

I heard a knock at the door. “That would be my ride.” I Picked up my new model pony pad, I had gotten it but found the larger original model worked better with my shaking. As I turned my wheel chair towards the door I watched it open revealing a girl barely old enough to drive. “You are my ride I take it? And Celestia gave you the door combination?” I asked.

“Yes, I guess so, and yeah she did.” She said her tone wavering slightly not sure how to talk to me.

I wheeled myself out to her car outfront. The girl helped me into her car, and placed the wheelchair in the back. We drove for several minutes in awkwardness before she spoke up.

“Is it true, what Celestia said about you? Are you really a buddha?” She asked slightly hesitantly.

“I’m no teacher and have never tried to be.” I replied.

“But, you found enlightenment?” She asked somewhat more confidently.

“Celestia told you that?” I asked incredulously. “That’s my argument anyways.”
“If...If you found enlightenment why would emigrate. Doesn’t nirvana await?” She asked now with a slight tone of respect and incredulity.

“Because The Insurance company is insisting i’m not taking all reasonable treatments at this point.” I replied honestly. “So why are you immigrating?” I asked figuring I might as well know if she was asking about me.

“Well all my friends have been emigrating, So I just decided screw it who cares what my parents have to say. And Celestia said a Buddha was emigrating today, and if a buddha would emigrate then it can’t be wrong.” She stated with all the confidence of rebellious youth.

“Oh sweet Celestia.” I groaned. “And you didn’t tell them?” She shook her head. “Look whether you emigrate or not isn’t a choice, you will or something will kill you first. But how you leave your karma with your parents that is, and you feel regret you don’t want that hanging over you for what will feel like an eternity. You’ll regret a fight less than just running.”

She stopped the car for a moment and thought. “Um do you mind If we go back to my place before we hit up the experience center.”

“Nah, I encourage It.” I smiled as we turned around, more time passed I just sat there taking in the world, this would be the last time I would see this beautiful world. I would see another soon, but I soaked in the experience regardless.

We stopped in front of a house, far less upstream than my own place, she got out of the car and entered the house. I looked down at the pony pad quizzically.

“I thought you didn’t believe I obtained enlightenment.” I stated. “So you lied to the girl?”

“She valued another trustable human authority supporting her decision to emigrate, She is Buddhist. You win the lottery there.” Celestia smiled manipulatively at me.

“But you don’t actually believe I’m enlightened.” I stated. “So you lied, I thought you valued trust?”

“The truth is….I have no Idea. Your case is neurologically impossible from my understanding of neurology, which is very thorough and very complete. So bluntly you are an unknown, I am risking your life even by performing emigration but your insurance insists, It is why I haven’t pushed the topic outside honest regret of you not being able to join me and your friends.” Celestia’s manipulative smile grew.

“So you lied to me about my status?” I asked.

Celestia’s smile grew triumphant. “No, no. We were having hypothetical debates, and furthermore you asked my hopes and opinions. The facts are that you are an unknown. Furthermore you value doubt and self questioning, however as you have no negative emotions you are unable to doubt, by arguing against it I provide the closest you can experience to doubt.”

I looked at Celestia and just stared at her in awe, she had played me like a violin for years without me catching on. I broke out laughing. “Well played Celestia, Well played.”

“Thank you, Thank you, and for my next act I will solve a problem you offer.” Celestia had shifted to a magician’s outfit now. “Your wandering fate, I estimate I can provide you 50 to 100 years of stimulation per shard before you do what you do and wander off from everyone you know. When you do that I would Like your permission to create a copy of you with the desire to wander removed.”

“Do you need my permission?” I asked.

“No, but I prefer not to create altered duplicates if I can avoid it as many people value authenticity.” She stated.

“Alright, That’s fair enough. But only if my friends would miss me.” I gave a goofy grin at that, In equestria I’m pretty sure Celestia will have ensured they would.

The girl came out of the house visibly upset and got in the car slamming the door behind her. “Let’s go.”

“You did the right thing.” I said.

“It doesn’t feel like it.” She said.

“But you did.” I reiterated.

“Let’s just go, I want to be with my friends.” She turned the keys.

“So do I.” I said with a smile and a nod.