Fluttershy was laying in her bed, even though she wasn’t tired. She just didn’t want to do anything. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened today, but “ordinary” wasn’t often happy. When she had gone to a doctor a couple of months ago, she got prescribed a couple little pills that didn’t help her much anyway. It happened again today, and this time it was a filly with her parrot. Most of the time, it was fishes, and that was easier, but this one was different.
The filly was Lily Longsocks, and she shared Fluttershy’s love of animals, and after getting her hedgehog cutie mark, she had collected a fair share of pets for someone her age. The first pet her family had was a parrot, who was almost as old as her grandparents. It had learned a couple of words in its years, and she was really attached to it.
~~
She decided that a walk would calm her nerves a bit. She got out of the blanked and got out of the bed. Her wings had been uncomfortable and were a bit stiff now, but it wasn’t important for now. Flying was exhausting, and she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts, without tiring her body.
She took a look at her pets - most of them were either resting or outside, nothing seemed to need her immediate attention. As she was heading outside, a voice disturbed her thoughts.
“Hey, Fluttershy, what’s up?”
“Oh, hi, Rainbow Dash. I decided to go out to walk a bit and think about some things.”
“Wanna come up and see some of the stuff I’ve been working on? I promise you, it’s gonna be awesome. It’s sure to get you pumped, y’know?”
“Sorry, Rainbow, but I’d rather just walk this time. I happen to be in a more of a mood for a walk.”
~~
With the cutie mark came a lot of interest about all sorts of animals, including the parrot. She was eager to help animals with every little thing, without the actual know-how. Still, having an extra carrot or being washed for just a bit more doesn’t really hurt animals. However, when she started experimenting with their diets a bit more, some of them developed rather nasty stomach aches.
Fluttershy was able to to help the animals a lot, and she was very happy to see a filly have such a profound love for them, even if it resulted in some pain. Lily was smart, and she had kept some of everything that she fed her pets. In most cases, it was food that the animal didn’t like, but only ate out of hunger, which lead to some pain, and that was easy to fix with explaining Lily that most animals have very specific diets.
~~
“Hm, so you really are down, huh?”, said Rainbow Dash, frowning.
Fluttershy gave her a puzzled look, “Where did you hear that from? Did Twilight talk to you?”
“Yeah, she figured you could use a little cheering up. She never did tell me what happened, just said I should talk to you. What is it, ‘Shy?”
“Rainbow, why do you like your job? What makes it so fulfilling for you?”
“What? How is that related to anything? I mean, I love being in the air and feeling like I am truly free. Even though I have things that I am supposed to do, being able to fly while doing them makes it so much better. It’s just what makes me happy, I guess.”
“And taking care of pets is what makes me happy. Imagine what would happen if you could do your job, but once in a while, you'd have to let yourself be struck by lightning.”
~~
She was a quick learner and scribbled down notes from Fluttershy, with extra unrelated questions added. When Fluttershy saw what had been fed to the parrot, she was confused at first, and terrified when she understood what it was. She had fed it castor beans, about ten of which would make a full grown stallion sick, and she had fed it much more than that! Most of the seeds would be fully digested at that point, but Fluttershy still did what she could.
She did her best, but as it often was in these cases, the damage was done before she could do anything, so all she could do was make the passing easier. The confused filly seeing her cry didn’t help much, either. Most adult ponies didn’t need explanations for things happening, and they usually took it well, but explaining the sad realities of life to a filly wasn’t something Fluttershy really wanted.
~~
“But that makes no sense! How could I enjoy something if I had to endure harsh pain just to do it?”
Fluttershy looked down for a moment, “Maybe because that is the only way you could do it? What if the only way of doing what you love was also doing something that you hate so much, so much that it makes you want to cry?”
They walked in silence for a moment. The sun was getting low, and the world was getting darker. As they were going up a hill, Rainbow Dash was looking for words, but couldn’t find any. When they were on top of the hill, Fluttershy motioned towards the tree that was on it, and both mares sat down, looking at the sunset.
~~
Fluttershy remembered when her first pet died. She remembered how guilty she felt for weeks, months, even. She was afraid that she had murdered it, and every time she saw a police pony, she was afraid that they would find out and lock her in a dungeon. As time went on, she understood that what had happened was a part of natural order, and she couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. Still, the experience changed her, and she knew that something like that could make someone afraid of helping animals for the rest of their lives. She couldn’t think of anything worse for the poor filly.
When the filly understood what she had done to the parrot, she broke down in tears and swore to never touch another animal in her life. She had already felt guilty for causing the stomach aches of so many animals, but this was much worse. Fluttershy did her best to comfort her, and she convinced her that she wouldn’t be in trouble for this, but in reality, Fluttershy felt like it was also her own fault.
~~
“Do you know what is the most common thing pet owners come to me with that everypony seems to forget?”
“I dunno, stomach pains?”
“Dying pets, Rainbow Dash. Sometimes, of old age. Sometimes, they eat something they can’t digest and poison themselves. Sometimes, they have been attacked by other animals and their pain can't be stopped, only reducte. That is what everypony forgets.”
“Oh. I guess I, uh, never thought about it that way. Did you have to, y’know, put a pet down today?”
“Today, last week, probably next month and hundreds and hundreds of times in the time I’ve been helping pets. I'll outlive all but few of my pets, and I have no choice regarding that.”
~~
Lily felt much better when Fluttershy brought her back to her home, but Fluttershy herself wasn’t so sure about what to do. When Lily asked about how she managed to push through having to see so many critters die, she claimed that the happiness is all worth it, but on her way home, she felt herself questioning that.
All creatures are bound to die at some point, Fluttershy had known that since she was a little filly. She might be helping animals prolong their lives, but how much did it really help? The parrot was old, the most it could have lived was a couple of years, most likely each one sadder than the last. Where did most animals get joy from, anyway? Was she just prolonging their suffering? Pondering about whether her actions have a real effect on life, she wrapped herself in a blanket and stared at the ceiling.
~~
"Sometimes, it feels like all of this has no real point. No matter what I do, the most I can achieve is delaying the inevitable, or making it just a tiny bit less painful." Fluttershy sighed, staring at the ground, and continued, "IS there a point to what I do? At times like this, I don't know anymore"
Rainbow Dash was trying to find words to console her friend, but couldn't find any. After a couple of attempts that didn't get a full word in the sentence, she changed her strategy and instead started dragging her towards Ponyville.
"Rainbow? Why are you taking me there?"
"Just come, there's something I think you need to see"
As they got closer, Rainbow Dash stopped on cloud, from which the entirety of Ponyville was visible and pointed towards a pony walking a dog with his son, talking and laughing.
"Could they still be having this fun without you? Could you call this nothing? Sure, they might be having some light and shallow fun, but aren't moments like that what we ultimately live for? Can you say that I can do anything special as a wonderbolt? All I do is provide a bit of fun, and even so I am just one member of a whole organized team. You bring ponies years of memories with their pets, and when their time is over, you always make sure they pass easily and give peace to the families. Just think of how much more pin there would be without you. And that's not even mentioning you as a friend."
In silence, Fluttershy hugged Rainbow Dash and held her tight, lightly sobbing.
"Thank you, Rainbow Dash. I really needed to hear that from somepony."
"Always here for you. Now, how about I show you the moves I talked about earlier?"
~~
Author's Note
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/679909/one-down
