Psychosis

Naturally when someone has no emotional connection at all and lacks in trust they develop some kind of mental illness. In my case I got depression. First off, no I am not one of those attention seekers who looks up what depression is and self-diagnoses. I went to a psychological professional who charged me one hundred and twenty dollars a session and sent me away after fifty minutes of talking. After a month of having two of those a week, two things happened: My wallet had gotten considerably thinner, and I got a nice little slip of paper that said something like “This loser is depressed,”

I tried to say that I wasn’t and that I’m just not particularly happy with life the way it is. But like a man with a diploma charging a hundred plus dollars for fifty minutes of emotional roller coaster would, he didn’t care. I then had to go to my local pharmacy and say something like “Prescription for TJ,” and walk away with a little orange bottle of motivation pills that I would pretend I took the next week.

In all reality, I probably should have taken those pills. I have no idea what they did, and I was paying insane amounts for them, but maybe they could have prevented whatever psychological issue I may or may not be suffering from now. But it’s not quite time to talk about that yet. There’s still so much I can say about how I go here!

I took up many hobbies, crafts, and arts, just to try and distract myself. Make me forget how lonely I was. I still watched the show, but I also did other things. I baked, I carved, I engineered, I sewed, heck I even took up running. Honestly, I had a preference to running because I thought that if one day I were to meet rainbow dash we would get along better if I could keep up. I still practiced all the other hobbies and got quite good at all of them. My physical shape improved from crap and I became quite healthy.

As my physical shape went from a food deprived boy shape to a meat on a stick shape, kids at school started talking to me again. My family was still not pleasant, but I at least felt welcomed somewhere. I’m sure if I tried I could have gotten a girlfriend. For some time I actually smiled when I got home. I didn’t know it at the time, but my sense of humor was a little dry, and actually got me into a few arguments.

For the first little while, people just dismissed it. However eventually one person got so unbelievably offended over something so small and it cost me the social life that I had just earned myself. I don’t even remember what the joke was, but I do remember that I was getting my wisdom teeth out and I joked that I was getting some kind of transplant. I’m honestly surprised that they took me seriously, I told them before the end of the day that it wasn’t actually going to happen.

They got so pissed, called me a child, and completely erased me from their social circle. It was then that I was sure I was depressed. I tried hard to try and make amends, but just like I was determined to not take my pills, they were determined to not like me. I went a few months with my sanity in tact, I kept practicing my hobbies. But no matter what I did, life just wasn’t the same. Once you have a group of friends, trying to live without it is like someone with a kidney failure knowing that there’s just one person in front of them in line for a transplant, but they won’t live long enough to get theirs. It sucks.