ApplePie: A Deconstruction of the Democracy Movement in Post-Soviet Romania
Hey Now, You're an All-Star
So I went into the segway store, thinking they might sell those hover boards that keep exploding. But after I forgot my wallet at home. If all pork chops were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs. In this case the porkchop is me having my wallet. This gives me an excuse to go to Equestria and steal money from ponies.
Upon arriving at the mirror I check my blind spots. It’s now safe to make a left turn. As I drove my van into your heart I peeked my head into the mirror because I have had no experience or prior training as to going through magical mirrors. My friend Super Trampoline already has, but has neglected to show me how. So I plunge headfirst into the mirror and this awful story.
Once I landed In Equestria, I was craving a waffle. Just one. So I needed to find out if there were any Waffle Houses in Equestria. Given that Equestrians are vegetarian, I assumed Roscoe’s would not be present. Speaking of which I’ve never been to Roscoe’s, but I always hear about it.
Anyway, next paragraph. Wherever would I find information pertaining to the location of the nearest Waffle House. Thinking rationally I looked around for somepony to tell me. And as I recall the prophecy, SOMEPONY ONCE TOLD ME, THE WAFFLE HOUSE WOULD ROAM ME. And that’s, basically. I hope you weren’t expecting some long epic prophecy. Also Smash Mouth is relevent once more. I asked the first pony I noticed, “Where is your nearest Waffle House?” I said while pointing a Colt M1911 at them. They just ran away. So moving on to the next pony I saw, I asked the same question without the gun. It was few blocks down from Twilight’s Castle. “Oh, you have the Twilight here?”
Walking sucks so I used my segway to roll on up to Twilight’s Castle and ask for directions. And a Twilight fumbles out of the castle. I bet she’s in a hurry for something important. Probably on a date with Super Trampoline. But nevertheless I developed a slight crush on her. So after my segway exploded I walked towards Twilight, also hey I’m a Griffoncorn, cool! Twilight stares at me because I don’t say anything. And then Applejack flies out of the castle. It’s kinda loud like you can hear her screaming. She’s flying because like R. Kelly, she believes she can fly. And Twilight sees Applejack and just ignores her. The right choice. Shen then turns to me and says “I am psychic, and I know you are looking for a waffle house.” Twilight stated, “I have been searching for a waffle house myself, but I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” I tilt my head and ask, is that an innuendo, or a reference to U2. “I actually listen to U2 on Wednesdays, from 9:12 to 9:30 PM. “Gravy” I say. Internally I say, “I was gonna beat you up and get myself a waffle with your money, but instead I would like to show you where we have waffle houses in the human world…” And then Twilight reminds the Griffincorn that she’s psychic, again, for the the third time. No wait second time. “Well good thing you forgive ponies, in my case Griffoncorns very quickly like acts of brainwashing an entire town in order to drown them, starting a cult and stealing ponies cutie marks. Or Industrial Sabotage.”
Getting on with this story, Twilight offers a proposal. “Lead me to a human world waffle house, and I will pay for your waffle, just this one time.” I forgot where the mirror was. “Hey Twilight,” I asked, do you know where the mirror is?” Twilight always knows where, she has gps. That she stole from me. Which is why I get lost so easily. Twilight says “Her we can take my car to the mirror.” I cry inside because it’s actually my car. She crashes the car into the mirror, it shatters just like my dreams. And now we have to find a waffle house in Equestria, or build our own. I don’t jack about building waffle houses. But you know who does? Jimmy Carter’s OC! So we Charleston danced ourselves over to Jimmy Carter’s OC’s house and asked him to build a waffle house. But he said, “Somepony once told me that building a Waffle House is nearly impossible. You might as well be walking on the sun, that’s how hard it is.”
Fortunately we, all know a pony who can do that, and her name is JOHN CENAAAAAAAAAA (Trunmpets blare distortedly).
Just kidding, her name is Celestia. We trot over to her place because we can’t all fit on the segway and also it exploded and also Twilight drove my car into the mirror, breaking it, just like my heart. But Jimmy Carter’s OC is like in his eighties or something by now, so we called a Lyft for him. We waited five to nine minutes, but it took a little longer because the Lyft driver had to build new mirror portal first and also it had to be large enough to fit a car, a car I should mention that was a Hyundai Santa Fe covered in bumper stickers. It was Super Trampoline Himself driving it. What a coincidence.
“Yo, Yo, Yo, I’m currently in human form in the human world, but I hear all y’all needed a ride to the waffle house. So hop inside!”
So I (I just want to remind you I’m a griffincorn), Twilight, and Jimmy Carter’s OC hopped into his car. We drove back into the human world and ran into a problem. Super Trampoline, when in human form, lives in Southern California and the nearest Waffle House Is in Goodyear, Arizona. That would be a very expensive Lyft Ride. Fortunately, Twilight Sparkle is a Princess, and also Jimmy Carter’s OC Turned into a clone of Jimmy Carter When we got back into the human world and so he got a government stipend, but it was only one third of that of the original stipend, setting up a legal showdown resolved in Carter vs. the United States Government and advancing clone rights. The point is, we had money to burn. So Super Trampoline drove us to the Arizona Waffle House. To get there, we followed these directions:
Get on I-5 N from Pioneer Blvd
4 min (0.6 mi)
Follow CA-60 E and I-10 E to N Dysart Rd inMaricopa County. Take exit 129 from I-10 E
5 h (351 mi)
Use the right lane to turn right onto N Dysart RdDestination will be on the right
26 s (0.1 mi)
820 North Dysart Road
Goodyear, AZ 85338
Having gotten there, we ate waffles. The End
Oh, also, Romania had a brutal dictator, and also a gymnast who did really well at that one Olympics.
Author's Note
Super Trampoline really does drive for Lyft in a Hyundai Santa Fe covered in stickers,
