Princess Celestia gets a speeding ticket
View Online

Princess Celestia gets a speeding ticket

Author's Note

Recommended music: the Highway to the...

I put it on loop while I wrote this.

Princess Celestia gets a speeding ticket

The gently curving, perfectly empty Highway 10 of Equestria's beautiful coast lay ahead of Princess Celestia as she cruised at a steady 70 MPH, the 6.6 Liter V8 under her pearl-white Pontiac Firebird's hood purring along at 2000 RPM, or as Luna had so mistakenly stated upon first seeing the acronym; 'rip'ems'. Celestia's evening sun peeked over the perfectly flat ocean to her left, the short white road marking posts lining each side of the Highway casting incredibly long, thin shadows across the pavement and sandy berms that flowed like an ocean of their own. The high-speed wind whipping in through the car's open windows threw her mane sporadically and gently ruffled the bright orange and red feathers of her pet Phoenix Philomena, who sat shotgun, peering out her own open window at the scrolling inland landscapes. Celestia's ears tuned in on the car's radio as the current song that had been playing came to an end, her horn; which had a special slot cut in the roof for it to comfortably fit through, glowing yellow as the volume nob of the radio turned, the female DJ's voice becoming intelligible over the rip of the wind.

"...up next, I've got an oldie but a goodie for everypony out there!"

An incredibly distinctive set of electric piano notes brought an instant grin to Celestia's expression, the strumming electric guitar causing her hooves to press harder to the steering wheel, her horn's aura once more taking the volume nob and turning the volume up until it was almost painful.

With her bright grin, Celestia shared a look with Philomena, "Do you feel it?"

The Phoenix gave a cheerful screech, her wings fluttering.

Looking back to the road, her grin only widened as a rectangular sign went past. 'SPEED LIMIT ENFORCED BY PEGASUS', it read.

"We'll see about that!"

Philomena gave another excited screech as Celestia's hoof went heavy on the accelerator, the tachometer instantly moving to 3500 RPM as the car's once purring engine roared, the front end slightly coming up as the speed-demon duo were pushed into their seats from the G-force. The current score playing loudly over the radio added to the excitement as Celestia's eyes constantly darted from the road to the Speedometer, the little red needle quickly moving its way past 90 MPH and on to 100, the V8's roar gaining pitch as the constant acceleration didn't stop. 105. 107. 110. 115. Celestia pulled her hoof from the accelerator as the needle rested right at 120 MPH, the wind coming in through the window being like a tornado, the blaring song over the radio being barely intelligible over the insanely fast air.

"Should we push 125?! I haven't ever gotten her up that fast!!" Celestia called to Philomena.

A squawk of agreeance was all Celestia needed to press her hoof back down on the pedal. The previously steady roar of the nearly maxed-out engine gained pitch, the car bucking back; Celestia watching the needle easily move right to 125 MPH... and then 130... 133. A giddy giggle left the Princess as her she watched the needle pass easily into 135; the car's engine straining to push further.

"Highway to the Dang...!"

Her joyous singing was cut short as her eyes caught a red and blue flashing in her rearview mirror.

"Oh, give me a break!! This was just getting fun!" She exclaimed, completely letting off the accelerator and smacking the turn signal up with a hoof.

Her aura turned the radio down to a less-blaring volume, her hoof coming down to the shifter as she dropped the transmission from 5th to neutral, her eyes tracking the speedometer as it gradually came down from its incredibly high mark. Philomena gave a little chirp, Celestia looking to the Phoenix.

"What if I tell them that you're giving birth and that I'm going to a hospital? You think we'd get out of this ticket by doing that?"

Philomena tapped herself with a wing, Celestia sighing at the action.

"You're right... you don't look pregnant at all. That, and you're an avian... and you lay eggs."

Philomena gave a little nod.

Seeing that her speed had dropped to 50 MPH, Celestia's back hoof moved from the accelerator to the brake, a little pressure being applied to aid the vehicle's deceleration. Looking back to her rear mirror, Celestia could just barely make out the silhouette of the trailing Pegasus Officer, the lightbar hung around their neck still flashing intensely. As the car finally came to a stop, Celestia sighed once more as she watched the Pegasus touch down a distance behind the car, beginning his pace towards her window. The clop of their hooves on the asphalt grew in volume as they approached, Celestia's horn coming to life momentarily as she popped the car's glovebox open, a set of papers being dug from under a sunglasses case and several stacks of tissue paper.

"I know you enjoy these evening drives, Sister; but this has gotten out of hoof."

Celestia's heart skipped a beat as her head snapped to the left, her eyes meeting with a slightly distorted reflection of herself in Luna's chromed Aviator sunglasses, her flat expression being highlighted by the still blazing lightbar hung from her neck.

"Luna!?! W-What... since when were you a cop!?"

"A cop; nay. A volunteer Speed Enforcement Officer? Aye." Returned Luna.

"Why do you have a mustache..." Celestia inquired, squinting her eyes as she focused on the false facial hair; her words causing Luna's figure to stiffen.

A quick hoof smacked the stick-on mustache from her blue upper lip, her stoic manner returning, "No reason, dear Sister... now I should like to hear your excuse as to why you saw fit to travel a full 55 miles per hour over the speed limit."

Celestia gave a nervous chuckle, her mind scrambling to think of something. After a moment's more stuttering, she simply turned the radio's volume up, a hoof pointing to the dash as the words 'Highway to the danger zone!' shouted through a chorus of electric guitar and drums.

Luna's brow raised from behind her shiny Aviators, "You committed a speeding felony because of a song?"

"Look, Luna... the road out here is completely clear! I'm an experienced driver, so nopony was in harm's way!"

Luna's head craned upwards as she looked to the Phoenix sitting in the passenger seat, Philomena digging in one of her furled wings with her beak.

"You have a passenger with you... and said passenger is not properly secured to their seat."

"Oh... eh, well; you know, Philomena is a Phoenix! She's tough... and malleable!" Exclaimed Celestia nervously as she pressed down on Philomena with a hoof, the Phoenix giving a little squeak of surprise, "Besides; she can simply reincarnate herself through ash!"

Philomena screeched in rebuttal, Celestia rolling her eyes, "Yeah, I know dying hurts; get over it."

"Ma'am, I need your license and registration." Luna injected, her words causing Celestia to glare at her.

"Did you just call me ma'am?"

Luna stepped back as Celestia leaned her head close, fire seeming to burn in her eyes, "I... I mean sister! Sister, I need your license and registration."

Celestia grumbled under her breath as she complied, her magic bringing forth the papers gathered from the glovebox and her license card, the items being transferred to her sister's aura as Luna took a clipboard and ball-point pen from her saddlebag.

"This isn't the first time you have been in trouble for such a violation; correct?" Luna inquired as she scribbled at her clipboard.

"No... this isn't the first time," Sighed Celestia, "But this is the first time it's been over 50! So... that's something! I mean... come on, Lulu; cut your old sister some slack! I just wanted to have a little fun out on the open road with Philomena!"

"If your idea of fun is the high chance of a fiery death, then I believe it fit for you to seek psychiatric help," Luna stated bluntly, looking over her Aviators.

"'High chance' is a little bit of a stretch! I've been driving since these things were invented, Luna; you know that. I can handle the road just fine, especially out here where it's so flat."

Humming at her sister's futile attempts of gaining sympathy, Luna ripped a copy of the slip of paper she had been writing on from her clipboard, floating the slip to Celestia's view.

"1,500 bits!?! Luna, you can't be serious!"

"Not only were you doing 135 in a 70 zone!" Exclaimed Luna, "You have a passenger that is not wearing their proper restraints! Thus far, such a fine should be considered pity; especially since you have a brake light out."

Celestia's shocked stammering paused as she looked to Luna, "Wait... really? What side?"

"Left."

"Oh... well; I'd have enough of my monthly allowance left to fix that problem if somepony hadn't given me such a big ticket!"

"You are given 5,000 bits at the start of every month by the Treasury... and it's August 10th. What in Equestria's name have you already spent such a large sum of bits on?"

Celestia leaned from her window, tapping her hoof towards the front wheels of her car, "I got brand new tires! Aren't they nice?"

Luna looked at her sister over her chromed Aviators once more, "Indeed; they are swell."

The two Princess's eyes remained locked for a moment before Celestia sighed, pulling herself back inside, "Come on, Luna; 1,500 bits is really hefty for your sister, don't you think? If you bring it down to 1,200 I'll consider letting you drive her..." Coaxed Celestia as she rubbed her hoof along the dash.

"Law is Blind, sister."

"Ugh, fine. I didn't want you driving her, anyway."

"Sister, please drive safely... and have a good rest of the night," Luna commented as she placed Celestia's papers to her lap, the clipboard and pen in her magic being put back into her saddlebag as she prepared to depart.

A little grin took Celestia's expression as she put her hoof on the shifter, her other rear hoof coming from the floor to the accelerator as her aura turned the radio up to full-blast, rock music cutting the air.

"Oh, don't you dare!!" Boomed Luna.

The shifter was thrown to first gear, Celestia's rear hooves kicking as one came off the brake and the other came down hard on the accelerator; the Firebird's back tires squealing as the car bolted from the side of the road, Luna instantly taking flight to pursue her sister.

"Celestia, slow down!!" Luna shouted in the Royal Canterlot voice as her wings struggled to keep pace with the quickly accelerating muscle car.

"Make me!"