The Great army

by tgrtyhythrth

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Princess Luna, Thriller, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Sex, Human, Main 6, Lyra
Length: 1183

Discord sets up an army, so Celestia gets humans for an army

Discord has an army that is planning to attack Equestria. she decides to use humans for an army. Using a man named Daniel for a general. Bad choice.

The memes are coming.

(sorry if story is shit)
Rated M:For some sexual themes,lots of blood and strong persuasive language
Book 2.5 of the I.F.S.A.W series
On hiatus due to breakage of Computers
It will be coming back soon.

Published 2016-10-10 14:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-10 14:40:01 UTC

The Worst Thing Ever

"How to prostitute," Twilight said as she read through the book with her stupid horn. "One. Go up to a—"

"Twilight!" Rainbow Dash yelled.

"What?" Twilight yelled back.

"You need to come right now!" screamed Rainbow Dash.

"But—"

"RIGHT NOW!" she yelled, really loud.

"Jeez! I’m coming!"

"We on are high alert," yelled Celestia. All of the Mane Six were there... except for Fluttershy. "We got this video from Discord," said Celestia. She started up the video.

Discord was in a middle of a field. "Hello, pony fags!"  said Discord. "I have an army of many new minions, triple the size of yours!" All of the ponies winced in anger.

"YOU HAVE ONE FUCKING MONTH TO GET YOUR ARMY READY! And, if you do not comply, I have something that will..."

Every single pony in the room screamed. Fluttershy was trapped in rope and had tape over her mouth.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" she screamed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU CUNT!" Discord yelled at Fluttershy. "OK, if you don’t comply, I will have to kill her. And I am not joking."

Discord pulled out a big knife.

(WINCE ALERT!)

Discord licked his lips in evil. His saliva fell from his mouth as his breath that smelled like horseradish (no pun intended). Fluttershy screamed in horror, muffled. Discord put the knife up to her face and started moving it down. Blood started dripping from her cheek. Discord laughed sadistically. Fluttershy was screaming under the tape. Then he stopped.

"OK, if you get your army ready she won’t d—" Discord couldn’t finish his sentence. Blood started squirting out from Fluttershy’s cheek.

"AHHH!" Discord screamed in anguish. Then the video ended.

"I told you I wasn’t fucking around," said Celestia.

Then many questions started floating around the room: "What are we going to use for Fluttershy?", "Where are we going to get our army?", and sadly, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA IS GOING ON!"

"All right! Stop! Stop!" yelled Celestia. "I know where to get more ponies."

"Where?" everybody said.

"Earth, Dimension C-137: humans. We can turn them into us," Celestia said with cold breath.

"Who’s going to lead them?" asked Applejack.

"GUARDS!" Celestia said. "Randomizer!"

"YES MA'AM!" The guards pressed the button to activate the randomizer.

Now It could be anybody in the whole damn world—Bill Gates, Katy Perry, anyone... But who was it? (drumroll, please)

*DRUUUUMMMM*

It was me! Daniel Tipen. I was to lead the big fucking army into wherever the fuck Discord had his army.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"Oh my god, this kid is so cringe, it makes me want to drink bleach, hang myself on a rope and shove a shotgun down my throat and pull the trigger. THIS IS SO FUCKING CRINGE!"

I used to like Leafyishere at this time. Do I like him today? Sorta. I decided to put on AVGN—but then I saw the clock.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, HOLY SHIT, OH MY CUNT! IT’S TIME TO GO TO MY FIRST CLASS!" I screamed for no reason. I watched videos really early until dorm. My roommate was a really really heavy sleeper. He was one of the only kids who got an extra hour.

I tried to open the door, but it wouldn’t budge. I thought it was just locked, so I grabbed my keys and tried to open it. Strangely, the door was unlocked, so I checked the door crack and tried to see if anything was there.

I felt a sudden warmth on my back for a weird reason. I turned around. What I saw was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. There was a bright light in front of me and I had no clue where it was coming from! It was so fucking weird!

Then I got dragged closer to the light. I tried to grab on to the nearest thing I could, but I couldn’t see anything. I slipped, and I flew into the portal.

I saw white for a while. Many thoughts went through my head: Is this a vision? Am I dreaming? Am I getting high off some weed? Then I woke up, expecting it to be just a dream. But then something even weirder happened.

When I woke up, I saw a bunch of ponies. They looked like the ones from that stupid show My Little Pony show... Wait, it is—No, no NO!

"BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! STRANGER DANGER!" I yelled.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Twilight gave Daniel a funny look. He was not a creature like them. He didn’t have a tail, he had no hind legs, and his proportions were different.

"Daniel! Daniel! Calm down!" yelled Celestia. "You have been brought here to lead our army of ponies."

"First of all, what the fuck are you, and second of all, where’s the army?" asked Daniel.

"The army is going to be of human ponies," said Celestia.

"Oh my god, great Jesus, son of Mary, wife of Jesus!" Daniel yelled.

"What are y—"

Twilight was cut off by Celestia. "It’s his religion," she whispered.

"What did you say?!" yelled Daniel.

"Nothing. We were just talking," said Applejack.

Then Celestia told Twilight and the rest of the ponies to come over to her.

"We are going to have to turn him into a Alicorn! It will be perfect for our general!" Celestia said. "We will have to use our rainbows to turn him into one, but only hold it for five seconds!" she quietly added.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

All of those stupid ponies turned to me and said, "We have a surprise!"

Oh shit, oh shit, what the fuck was it? All of them started to form rainbows. "No! No! NO!" I yelled. "Not the motherfucking rainbow!"

All of them pointed it at me.

Prolouge

Hello! Let me tell you a story of the weirdest fucking thing that happened to me.

But let me make one thing CRYSTAL CLEAR: I don't like MLP."WHAT!" you said as you madly disliked this shit story.

If you like it, I envy you. But the most weird thing about this story is that it has to do with My Little Pony.

"So, LETS GET ROOIGGGHHTTT INTO THE CANCER!"