The most serious dafuq ever had

I swung my mighty sword, cleaving the head of the nearby orc in two.  Seeing another trying to sneak up behind me, I turned around and through my sword at him, impaling him through the eye.  He made a sound akin to the wail of a thousand baby seals and fell over dead.  I drew a knife from my belt and prepared myself as the orcish horde closed in around me.  One of the green bastards sparta kicked me into the pit which I have failed to mention up until this point.  I fell for a about 5 seconds and hit the bottom.  It was at this moment i woke up from my relativley interesting dream.  I could feel someone kicking me in the side.  "Unless the great lord Billy fucking Mays has risen from his grave and given you the cure for cancer,  I don't care what you're trying to sell me" I said to whoever was kicking me.  "Who the hay is Billy fucking Mays"?  The voice sounded like it was autotuned, distincly female, but definetly autotuned. I finally opened my eyes and was greeted by what could only be described as a 5 year olds imagination.  Standing in front of me was a white unicorn with a large pair of purple glasses staring right at me with an amused look.  I nearly jumped back and had a sudden nerdgasm having just seen my favortire pony standing in front of me, I mean seriously if you were in this situation you would also gawk and stare at the coolest pony in the show...wait...if she's standing in front of me that must mean.  I raised an arm and to my excitement a maroon hoof appeared and obeyed my every command.  The white mare in front of me spoke up, "miss are you ok"?  "Yeah i'm fine" I replied...wait back that up.  She called me miss.  A quick glance at my underside confirmed my fear.  I proceeded to have the inevetible mental breakdown one would expect in a situation like this i hyperventilated a lot and then passed out only to wake up in my bed.  "Phew that's over" I said to no on in particular.  "Oh it's far from over" came vinyl's autotuned voice from the blankets next to me.  I hit my head on the floor after sreaming and flailing my arms about after waking up from a dream within a dream within a dream and thought to myself "I could use a damned dup of coffee".