Rainbow flicked open her knife and slit the top of the envelope, opening it and pulling out the contents. There was folded letter wrapped around something dark, which she could see through the paper. She flopped down on the couch, flicked on the TV, and began to read.
'Hey there, metalheads! Gluttons For Anger will be performing live, free, at the Ponyville Auditorium, tonight only! Bring your friends and family for a night of fun and music! Liquor will be available at no extra charge, so keep those kids at home, and get your Uber driver on speed dial! See you tonight!"
Rainbow Dash looked at the letter, then glanced at the ticket. She picked it up and inspected it. It looked official enough, exactly like the tickets for those symphonies Rarity kept dragging her to. Instead of something like 'Fillydephia Philharmonic', the name Gluttons For Anger was printed across the top. The bottom had a dotted lines, where ponies could write their names. Some stupid system the Auditorium's owners were using, trying to save on printing costs. She just couldn't wrap her head around that decision. Anypony with an eraser could swipe someone's ticket and get in for free. At least with regular, pre-printed tickets, they'd have to steal the owner's ID card as well.
She shook her head. There was a pen on the side table, so she could easily scribble down her name if she so wished. It wasn't like she had anything else to do tonight, but something about this situation didn't sit well with her.
On one hand, no self-respecting band would distribute free tickets to random ponies. But on the other hand, the name Gluttons For Anger did ring a bell. A light went on in her head. Of course! She'd heard about them on a music site! Apparently they were some kind of rising stars, selling out concerts and making friends in high places. They already had a label deal and a new CD out, and they'd only been together for a few months.
Rainbow smiled, deciding to give them the benefit of the doubt. If this was how they advertised, she could get behind them. Sliding the ticket into her wallet, she looked at the clock. Five hours until the concert. She picked up her phone and punched in Twilight's number. Concerts were best enjoyed with friends, after all.
Hours later, Rainbow Dash and her friends stood outside the Ponyville Auditorium, waiting in line. The building was fairly large by Ponyville standards, able to seat several hundred ponies, but from the size of the crowd around her, she wondered if they'd have enough room. It was like half the town had shown up to see the show!
"I hope it's not too crowded," Fluttershy said, "I really don't like crowds."
"I agree, darling. While I'm mostly here for the symphonic element, I would hate to spend the evening pressed against some unwashed pony's backside."
Rainbow snickered, but she knew it was true. In an audience like this, there was no way they'd comfortable. In fact, some of these ponies didn't seem to be from Ponyville at all. Rainbow noticed one familiar face, an earth pony named Coco Pommell, who was friends with Rarity. Only, she looked rather different from the last time they met.
Coco used to be such a thin mare, Rainbow half expected her to blow away in the wind. Now, she was massive! Her denim vest was tight across her belly, with beige flesh sagging out the bottom. Her camouflage pants were low on her hips, exposing several inches of plumber's crack. Her face was puffy with cheeks and jowels, and her bowl cut mane had been replaced with a ragged-looking mohawk. Rainbow nudged Rarity's shoulder and pointed at the mare, causing her to gasp. How had the mare let herself go so badly? She worked her way through the crowd over to the mare, with Rainbow keeping an ear open over the murmur of the crowd.
"Uh, hi, remember me?" Rarity said, tapping Coco on the shoulder.
"Huh?" Coco said, turning to face her, "Oh, hi, Rarity!" She smiled, "How are you doing?"
"Just fine, darling, just fine," Rarity replied, "How about you?"
"Wonderful!" Coco replied, before pausing and giving Dash a once-over, "This your first Gluttons concert?"
"Um, yes, darling," Rarity said in an uncertain tone, "Yourself?"
Coco spat on the ground at her feet, and Rarity noticed the massive, spike-covered combat boots the mare was wearing. "This is the second show I've seen this week!" She said, "I came all the way from Manehattan just to see them again!"
Trying to shift the subject, she said, "I never thought you'd enjoy this kind of music, Coco. Do you listen to any other bands? Lunawish, perhaps, or Cumulovarius?"
"Other bands?" Coco nearly spat, "Who needs other bands?! Gluttons For Anger are the only band I need!" The obese mare turned her back on Rarity, revealing a huge patch on the back of her vest with the Gluttons logo.
A tingle ran down Rainbow's spine as she heard that. She'd heard of groupies, but this was getting reaching Opera Queen levels of creepy. She watched as Rarity weaved back through the crowd, no doubt hoping Coco wouldn't find her. Rainbow couldn't find her either, as the white mare had melted into the crowd. She glanced at the time. Fifteen minutes till the doors opened. She could still leave if she wanted. Dash reached into her pocket and fingered her ticket. Going home and playing games for the rest of the evening was an alluring prospect, but then again, she'd already come all the way there...
While she was more than a little freaked out by Coco's outburst, but then again, any band that inspired such loyalty had to be decent, right? If she left now, she'd never know what she had missed. Good or bad, there were definitely worse ways to spend an hour or two. She glanced around and noticed that the crowd had moved on as she stood there, her friends now nowhere in sight. Great. Hopefully they'd meet up again inside.
Shrugging her shoulders, she pulled out her phone and started tapping away at BeGemmed. Whatever the night threw at her, she'd be ready.
From her spot in the middle row, Rainbow had a good view of the band. She was unimpressed. Four ponies, ranging from simply chubby to downright obese, were standing on stage fiddling with their instruments. Shouldn't they have checked them before the show instead of wasting everypony's time? Rainbow 'hmmph'd. They probably figured, since nopony had paid, they could waste as much time as they liked. Already, murmurs of discontent were rumbling through the audience.
The singer, a portly mare who seemed to be around 300 pounds, noticed what was going on and addressed the assembled ponies. Her torn and tattered t-shirt clung desperately to her rotund frame, threatening to tear off with every slight motion.
"Hello Ponyville!" She shouted enthusiastically. Her voice was deep and scratchy, as much from the fat pressing on her larynx as her singing, "Are you ready for some heavy metal?"
A resounding cry of "YES!" echoed through the hall. Rainbow kept her mouth shut. Something about how the mare said 'heavy metal' sounded weird, like she'd put the emphasis on the wrong word. Maybe they were foreign, like a lot of metal bands these days. The mare probably had enough trouble translating her thoughts into Equish speech, let alone worrying about which syllable to emphasize.
"My name is Bloaterella!" She sing-song shouted, ending in a shriek that would give Rob Trotford a run for his money. She clapped and gave a small hop that made the floor shake and caused her body to ripple. Rainbow groaned. This was the kind of wit she had to put up with all night? Maybe coming here was a mistake.
"I'm Nosfatratu!" The guitarist, a downright obese stallion wearing nothing but jeans said into the mic. Rainbow couldn't help but watch his moobs jiggle as he waved. Did he even realize how ridiculous he looked?
"Call me Gorgifer!" The bassist called out. Rainbow, and most of the audience, no doubt, were just grateful for the suit of platemail armor she wore, covering up her huge body. Seriously, the mare's belly looked like a big round pot in that thing!
In the back, a spotlight switched on, illuminating a brown mass that Rainbow assumed was part of the disgusting stage curtains. The audience gasped when it began to move, two blubbery arms slowly raising into the air, crossing drumsticks above a small lump that seemed to be a head. It was clearly apparent that this pony couldn't move. They'd probably spent most of the pre-show just moving 'them' into place, which explained all the gear-checking going on a minute ago.
Bloaterella trotted over to the blob of a pony and thrust her microphone toward the lump that Dash assumed was its face.
"Meat," A deep voice boomed out. Whether it was male or female, nopony could tell. All they knew was that this was the strangest collection of musicians they'd ever seen. Rainbow couldn't even snicker at them, after seeing that mound of flesh. The only reason she didn't turn and flee immediately was the sheer amount of ponies boxing her in. She could barely move her arms in this crushing mass!
Rainbow began to hyperventilate. She knew she should've left before, she should've torn up the ticket, she shouldn't have even picked up the mail today! And now, she was going to die here, crushed to death in the audience of the weirdest metal concert in Equestrian history. Tears welled up in her eyes as she panicked, searching desperately for a way out. There was none.
And then, Bloaterella began to sing, and the audience fell silent.
"Mighty heroes walked this land in long days of yore. Epic battles, noble quests, that's what came before."
"But after the warfare, after the fight, a wounded colt to Canterheim, home came one night."
The guitarist began strumming a slow, sad tune, and Rainbow felt a tingle across her scalp. This wasn't so bad after all, if you could ignore the way the singer's jowels shook with every word.
"A warrior was he, a fierce and mighty sword, blood poured from his wounds and splashed upon the floor."
"Before he shut his eyes forever, he made one last request. Throw a feast in his own name, and may it be the best."
"Ponies came from all around to celebrate that man, his kindness and his mighty name were known across the land."
"Mead was poured and plates were cleaned, a full measure of wealth. And at the head of the table, sat the man himself."
The guitar began to amp up in volume, the bass deepened, and the singer paused for a moment.
"A mare looked up and shrieked with fright and fainted dead away, for the hero's ghost had taken time to visit them that day!"
"He said, still your tongues and drink your wine, for you are still alive! You'll never eat another crumb when your time has come to die!"
The music suddenly shifted, the slow, heavy beat turning into a full-on roar. The guitar screamed, the bass pounded, the drums crashed. Rainbow felt her heart leap in her chest. Now this was metal!
"The ponies turned toward themselves and shared a frightened beat! Each one of them grabbed their plate and then began to eat!"
"They ate cakes and pies and pork and beer and many bales of hay! The food did flow till morning, at the beginning of the day!"
"With drum-tight guts and heavy souls, they made their way back home! From the hero's ghost, a lesson learned, they would never feed alone!"
"... What," Rainbow muttered to herself, but everypony else was far too into the song to care. She was beginning to feel it as well, like a hot pressure inside her chest. She felt something soft and warm pressing into her side, and she glanced over to see an extremely chubby stallion brushing against her as he bobbed with the beat. It was strange, she hadn't noticed him before, and his clothes seemed at least a size to small on his large frame.
"Live your life, enjoy your time, forget your fears and pain! For when you're dead there's no more feast, no more weight to gain!"
Bloaterella turned around and bent over, her fat ass pressing against the mic, and loud static noise blasted through the hall. Rainbow was confused for a second, until she smelled it - The mare had just ripped one, on stage, into the microphone!
That was it, she decided, and turned to leave. But she couldn't move, the crowd around seemed thicker than ever, in both senses of the word. While many of them were chubby when they entered, now, many of them looked downright obese! Her eyes darted across the throbbing crowd, searching for a way through- Nothing. There was no way for her to escape, but that didn't mean she wouldn't try.
With a tremendous heave, she tried to push her way between two mares behind her. One of them was headbanging, her mane flopping up and down. It almost seemed to be getting longer as she went. The other one had her arms in the air, and didn't give Rainbow a single glance as she pushed.
Suddenly, one of the mares moved, and Rainbow fell forward. She flung her arms out to catch herself before she fell, only to land face-first in the second mare's exposed armpit. Rainbow felt the mare's grimy hair against her face and immediately tried to pull herself out, only to be trapped when the mare's arm flopped down.
"Y'like it?" She heard a muffled voice shout over the music, "That's what a real mare smells like!"
If that was a real mare, Rainbow didn't want to know what a fake one smelled like. Pushing hard, she managed to pull her head out from the mare's disgusting pit and looked up - A familiar face stared back at her, framed by plump cheeks and saggy jowels. "Aw, Dashie, I knew you'd like my pits!"
Rainbow was going to be sick. She began pushing back through the crowd, paying no attention to the dismayed grunts of the ponies she was moving through. She couldn't see where she was going, and she didn't care. Anywhere would be better than back there. She wiped her shirt collar against her face, trying to remove some of that disgusting sweat that clung to her, and opened her eyes.
She was at the front.
Bloaterella was banging her head vigorously as her bandmates shredded, her long, greasy hair flying up and down. Then she looked up and seemed to focus on Rainbow. Her eyes seemed to glow for a moment, and Rainbow panicked. The blue mare turned and tried to push her way back into the crowd. She no longer cared what happened, she just wanted out. But the front row crowd was too tightly packed, hundreds of flabby mountains blocking the way to the exit.
She felt a hand on her back and turned, Bloaterella standing there with a grin on her face. By Celestia, it was like one of Fluttershy's predator friends looking at freshly killed game. Then the mare pressed her mouth against Rainbow, giving her a passionate kiss on the lips. Her legs went limp, and she allowed the mare to pull her onstage. She stood there next to the singer, leaning on her flabby side for support, and gazed out into the audience.
They were all like the band now. Sweaty mounds of fat pressed against one another, airborne hands shaped into devil's horns, heads thrusting up and down with the music. Somewhere near the back, she saw a tall, purple blob with wings, waving a hand at her. Rainbow seemed to be the only pony in attendance who had retained her original size. Then she glanced down, and realized that wasn't right, either.
Her belly bulged against her shirt, patches of blue visible through the various tears and holes. When had this happened, she wondered dully. Her breasts sagged down slightly, and she began to wish she had worn a bra tonight. But what would she do if she had? Throw it onstage, show off her fat, saggy tits? That might get one of their attention, and she could look forward to a little aftershow action.
It didn't occurred to her how strange these thoughts were. She could barely think with the music pounding in her ears. If anything, she was more enraptured by Bloaterella's huge rack jiggling up and down. Rainbow threw her chubby arms in the air, making horns as she began to bang her head as well. The singer smiled and slid an arm around Dash's shoulder, grabbing the microphone with the other, and launched into the next verse.
Rainbow just banged her head and sang along.
A week later, Rainbow was standing in line outside the Canterlot Musical Conservatory. It had been a long train ride getting there, pressed into a tiny seat on a carriage that didn't even serve food, but deep down, she knew it was worth it. Lifting her arm to scratch an itch, she caught a whiff of her unwashed stink. Her pits were really bad today. Like most days, really. She didn't feel the need to spend money on deodorant, when she could spend it on fast food instead.
After all, life was too short to worry about how you smelled, when you only had a few short years to fuck and fight and feast. That's what was printed across the back of her shirt - 'Fuck, Fight, Feast'. It was limited edition, but she had waited outside Trot Topic for two hours to get it as soon as they opened. After all, she was nothing if not loyal. What showed her loyalty more than getting a shirt from her favorite band?
Rainbow felt a grumble in her vast stomach. The girls had left to get some pre-show snacks at Donut Joe's, leaving Rainbow alone. She hoped Applejack wouldn't forget the crullers again. Those ones were her favorite!
"Rainbow Dash?" A voice asked incredulously, "Is that you?"
Rainbow looked over and saw a familiar yellow pegasus standing next to her, a look of disbelief on her face. She was thin and athletic as ever, dressed in athletic shorts and a sleeveless shirt with a Wonderbolts logo in the corner, attire that stood out like a sore thumb against the sea of massive denim- and leather-clad ponies.
"Spits!" She laughed, giving her former boss a hearty slap on the back, "How ya been, Cap'?"
Spitfire looked distinctly uncomfortable as she responded. "Oh, I've been good," She replied slowly, "Are you, uh... Here to see the concert?"
"Fuck yeah!" Dash shouted, hugging the mare tightly against her sweaty side, "Gluttons For Anger rock!"
Author's Note
A big thanks to my close friends, insomnia, the common cold, and shitty metal playlists on Spotify.
Seriously, I know everyone's got their own tastes, but whoever keeps putting Linkin Park on black metal playlists should get smacked with a newspaper, cause they bug me.