Chapters Chapter 1
“Ah guess it's true what they say, 'Every cloud has a silver lining.' Sometimes it takes a terrible loss, to find what you've always wanted.” -Applejack
“Winona is perfectly healthy, AJ,” Fluttershy said, setting the excitable dog on the floor of her cottage. Applejack had showed up unexpectedly, pleading with the pegasus to check the canine over. To make sure there was nothing wrong with her. Shy had been able to tell immediately that the little dog was the picture of health, but she could tell something was bothering her friend, and so chose to humor her.
“Oh that's a relief,” Applejack said, wiping her brow with a forehoof, “ah just wanted t'make sure.” For a moment, neither pony spoke. As the silence lingered, Applejack's forehead sprouted numerous beads of sweat.
“Is... something bothering you?” Fluttershy asked, knowing something must be wrong. Applejack shook her head,
“No no, nothin's the matter. Come on Winona, we got work to do!” As she headed out the door, she called back,
“Thanks Shy!”
“No problem...” The butter cream pegasus scarcely more than whispered, as the door closed behind her orange friend.
Should I tell the others? She wondered, unable to shake the feeling that something was troubling the earth pony. In the end, she opted to let it go.
I'm probably just imagining things.
Applejack had been making good time, heading back to the farm at a brisk trot. As she neared her destination, however, her hooves began to drag, and soon she was barely more than walking. After some time, her eyes fell upon the house. Her home.
The sun was shining brightly in the clear blue skies, as birds sang in the trees and the plants soaked up the light. By all accounts, it was another gorgeous day in Equestria. Applejack shivered, her flesh prickling with goosebumps as the cold chill moved through her.
She's strong! This is just a little case of the sniffles! Somehow, the thoughts did nothing to allay the cold prickling through her. Finally, she reached the front door. Raising a hoof, she hesitated.
Come on now Applejack! She chided herself, There's nuthin to be afraid of! Still her forehoof waited, unwilling to press the lever. After what felt like an eternity, she lowered it, and turned from the house, choosing to head out to the orchard and see if she had maybe overlooked something in her chores. The cold lump in her chest told her she was merely delaying the inevitable.
"You can't run forever," It seemed to say.
As the sun was setting, AJ found herself once again standing before the door to the house, hoof raised. She'd run out of excuses to stay out, and she had to sleep sometime. Gathering her resolve, she entered her home. It was eerily quiet in the place. Normally, Granny Smith would've greeted her in some form or fashion, even if it was a simple “Whuzzat?” before nodding off again.
The orange mare smiled at the memory, but as her eyes drifted to the staircase she'd have to climb to get to her room, her smile died. With cold dread in her chest, she began her ascent, moving painfully slowly, so as to make as little noise as possible. With careful, deliberate steps, she walked up to the door to Granny Smith's room. The house was silent.
Her breath became labored, and she had to gasp to get enough air. Panic tightened her chest, as she raised a shaking hoof to the doorknob. Her vision was beginning to swim from hyperventilating, and she had to focus on her hoof to make it turn the handle. When the door at last swung open, she saw...
Granny Smith lay in bed, eyes closed, the corners of her mouth turned up in an easy, peaceful smile. Tears sprang to Applejack's eyes as she stared at the unmoving covers.
No! Her mind rebelled against reality, struggling not to comprehend the scene before her. With slow, wooden steps, she walked up to the bed, as silent tears dripped off her face, landing with small plips on the hard floor. As she stood beside the inert form, her heart pounded in her ears. A shaking orange hoof rose from the floor, hovering above the old mare. After several long seconds, AJ finally touched her grandmother's foreleg.
It was dry. And cold. She sobbed then, as her hind legs gave out from under her, causing the orange pony to lower down to a sitting position beside the bed. Her shoulders heaved as she tried to restrain her cries, but this...
She wept, head in her hooves on the floor, alternately screaming and crying, until her voice grew hoarse, and her cries cracked as her vocal cords gave out. Nopony was in the house to hear her. Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom had left for Appleloosa just four days ago, and wouldn't return for another three at least. But just after they'd departed, Granny Smith had come down with a cold.
From the start, the old mare seemed to know that this was the one. AJ stubbornly refused to admit that the stalwart old pony could ever be done in. Now, as she rose to her hooves, and gazed upon the still form of her beloved ancestor, she realized what a foal she'd been.
You left her alone . Her traitorous thoughts told her, Left her here to die. Applejack took a step back from the bed.
“No... Ah didn't... Ah mean...” Horrible scenarios plagued her mind, of Granny Smith, desperately calling for her, calling out for anypony to help her. She saw the green pony looming over her, impossibly massive,
“Why'd y'all leave me AJ? Didn't ya love me anymore?” it bellowed. Terrified, the orange pony ran from the room, the sound of her hooves deafening in the empty house. She imagined she heard the dead pony rise from the bed, and give chase through the hall. Turning her head to look over her shoulder, she saw only emptiness. Then the world tilted forward as her front hooves landed on empty air.
Thud-thump-whump-thump-thud . AJ tumbled down the staircase, landing in a heap at the bottom. Blood dripped down into her right eye from a cut, and her left shoulder felt badly bruised, though her adrenaline kept her from feeling much pain. Bursting through the front door, she ran. It was full night now, and the pony could barely see where she was going, but the fear hounded her. As the familiar burn of physical exertion began to spread through her limbs, the terror slowly receded.
Her breathing was ragged when her legs finally stopped obeying her, forcing her to slow to a canter, and then a walk. Sweat soaked her coat, as she slowly made her way...
“Applejack!?” The soft voice was suffused with panic, as the yellow pegasus galloped down the path to meet her. She skidded to a halt before the fatigued pony, fear evident in her features.
“Granny... Smith...” AJ managed between gasping breaths, before the full brunt of the days events finally caught up with her. She thought the yellow blur said something, but it sounded so far away as she fell over onto the soft dirt. Dimly, she was aware of the sensation of floating, like she was flying, before sinking into the blackness of sleep.
When her eyes opened, it was still night out. Looking around, she realized she was laying on a couch, with a mug of something on the coffee table beside her.
Ah must be in Fluttershy's cottage ... she thought, wondering how she'd ended up here. Sitting up, she reached out and grabbed the mug, taking a ginger sip.
“Bleh!” She stuck her tongue out, “Tea.” Despite her dislike of the beverage, her raw throat and dehydrated body demanded she drink, and soon the cup was empty.
Why am ah so thirsty? She wondered, looking around the room once more. In the darkness looming before her, she saw the memories her mind had struggled to hide from her. The house, the stairs, the room... Granny Smith... The mug crashed to the floor as her hooves rose to her face, sobs escaping her once more.
With a flurry of hoofsteps, a light bloomed upstairs, and Fluttershy came running down, a lantern held in her mouth. When she looked into Applejack's eyes, her jaw dropped. The lantern clattered to the floor, but did not break, as the pegasus rushed over to her devastated friend. When the cream-colored pony wrapped her hooves around AJ, the earth pony tried to pull away, embarrassed to be showing such weakness.
“Y'all, y'all don't hafta,” she protested, trying to push the other mare away, “ah don't need any-”
“You don't have to be strong all the time.” The words, spoken so softly, directly into her ear, seemed to break something within the stubborn pony's mind. The fight left her, and she went limp in Fluttershy's forelegs. She remembered the Applebucking season when her brother had hurt his back.
Ah'm always there. The rock everypony depends on . With a sniff, she slowly wrapped her forehooves around the other pony.
Isn't it unfair if I never have a rock to hold on to? The dam broke, and for hours the two friends sat, as Applejack cried into the soft, pink mane. She didn't talk much, her few attempts to explain resulted in her dissolving into tears again, and by the time she'd calmed down enough to voice her thoughts, she was far too tired.
“Ah jus...” AJ whispered, as Fluttershy slowly lowered her back down onto the couch, “what am ah gonna do?”
“Shhh,” Fluttershy said, as she gently pulled the blanket back over her exhausted friend.
“Hush now, quiet now,” she sang softly, “it's time to lay your sleepy head.” Applejack's eyes drifted closed, as the song pulled her back to sleep. Fluttershy sang for a long time, her voice slowly growing quieter, until she was merely moving her mouth to the words, silent tears of empathy rolling down her cheeks for the poor earth pony.
The remorse of the living
Chapter 2
Mr. Rooster crowed when the sun came up, waking the two ponies in the cottage. Fluttershy quickly made her way downstairs, her mane still a mess from the night's sleep. Applejack looked admittedly better than she had last night, though she still had bags under her eyes, and her muscles were screaming in agony from the abuse they'd endured. She was gingerly stretching her legs out when the pegasus descended the staircase.
“Good morning Applejack,” she said, pausing at the foot of the stairs, “would you like some breakfast?” The orange pony opened her mouth to decline, not wanting to impose further, but the thought occurred to her that, the sooner she left Fluttershy's cottage, the sooner she'd have to go... With a sinking feeling in her gut, she realized she couldn't even think of it as home anymore.
“Yeah... thanks,” she said instead, resuming her stretching. Fluttershy beamed a smile at her, and bustled about the cottage, making all manner of food for the various creatures she tended. It was a strange sensation for Applejack, watching somepony else work without helping, or at least offering to help, but, as she looked on, she began to notice the methodical way the pegasus went about her business.
It's the same way ah do my chores around the farm ... The orange pony chuckled to herself at the comparison, and Fluttershy paused to look up from pouring some pellets into a bowl for a decidedly displeased looking Angel. With a wave of her hoof, Applejack explained,
“Jus noticing how y'all kinda do your chores the same way ah do mine. Ya know, careful like,” she struggled to find the words for what she was trying to say, a frustrated blush rising on her cheeks,
“like ya gotta system for each thing, and ya do it... right,” she finished lamely. Fluttershy's own cheeks turned slightly pink at the compliment,
“Oh, thank you. I've been doing this for a while so, it just kind of became a habit.” She gestured a hoof at the various creatures around the cottage who were eating something or another,
“If I don't feed them right away, they usually wander off to look for food, and then they might get hurt worse.” Applejack noticed that many of the creatures bore some sort of bandage or injury, and smiled as she saw the easy way they behaved around the little pegasus.
“Ah reckon they must trust you something fierce to all let their guard down like this.” Fluttershy smiled with pride as she resumed pouring for Angel.
“Yes, I'm very careful to make sure that nothing bad happens between them, so they all know they're safe here.” For a time, AJ watched in silence as Fluttershy finished setting out food for the various critters. Finally, she approached, setting down two large bowls of salad on the table. She looked from Applejack, to the empty spot on the couch beside her, back to her.
“Umm, is it alright, I mean, you don't have to, but, if I sat next to you while we eat?” Applejack gave her friend an incredulous look.
“Ah'course it is sugarcube! It's your house after all, an you made all this,” she said, gesturing to the food all over the cottage. With a small smile, she sat down beside the orange pony, and the two dug in. During the meal, the silence hung heavily between them. Since the animals had gotten their food first, most finished and left before the two mares had completed their own. Finally, when the salads were little more than scraps in the bowls, the two ponies sat beside each other, carefully avoiding looking at one another.
Fluttershy patiently waited, not wanting to pry, and sure that her friend would open up when she was ready. For a time, it seemed like everything was better now, that AJ was back to her old self, as she sat on the couch, hooves resting on her full belly.
Sniff. Fluttershy looked over at the orange mare, and saw fresh tears leaking down her face.
“Oh AJ...” she said, wrapping her hooves around her friend once more, as Applejack fought back her sorrow.
“It... it all happened so fast...” she choked out between sobs, her face buried again in the pink mane, “She seemed fine when ma brother an sister left. Then she just got a little summer cold. Nothin to worry about...” For a time, she couldn't speak, her sorrow choking her so that she could scarcely manage to breath.
“Oh Celestia why!?” she cursed, bitterness creeping into her voice, “I abandoned her! I left her to die alone! I'm a monster !”
“You stop that right now!” Fluttershy said, her voice low and hard as she pushed AJ away to look into her eyes. Tears rimmed her teal gaze, but there was no mistaking the intensity behind her stare.
“You couldn't have known! And who could honestly say that they wouldn't have done the same?” Applejack looked shocked, her eyes red from tears.
“You weren't there!” She shot back, anger in her tone, “Ah ran away! Ah knew it was more than just a cold, and ah stayed out, makin excuses so ah wouldn't hafta... hafta see...” Her anger withered and died before the look on Fluttershy's face.
“Do you think I don't know?” She whispered, her voice quiet and calm.
“Look at these poor creatures AJ. Do you think I can save them all?” For the first time, Applejack really took notice of the wounds. She wanted to smack herself for not seeing it sooner. Many of these critters were not long for this world. She'd seen similar injuries on the farm, wounds that would fester, would close up on the outside, only to rot within. Even with magical assistance from Rarity or Twilight, there was only so much that could be done. Her gaze returned to the pegasus'.
“Do you really think Granny Smith would've wanted you to spend your time sitting beside her, waiting for something you knew was inevitable?” With a small smile, the yellow pony continued,
“Or do you think she'd be more proud of all the work you got done yesterday because of her?” Applejack had to smile too. She was right, of course. Even in death, she'd been able to force the little mare to get her chores done, and more, making sure every last task was taken care of. As she watched the other pony's features soften once more, AJ felt a bloom of respect grow in her chest. She'd always harbored some belief that Fluttershy was strong, but she'd never imagined the willpower that must dwell within the little thing to be able to cope with the losses she must see in her line of work.
“Ya know Shy, I'm startin t'think maybe y'all didn't need that Iron Will training after all,” she said with a smile, causing the other mare to blush. For a time, the two sat in silence, until, with a sigh, Applejack rose to her hooves.
“Well, ah guess there ain't no sense in waitin an puttin this off.” Despite her words, tears started to form in her eyes again. Still she struggled ahead,
“Better get on back to... to the house... an... move the... the...” She couldn't bring herself to refer to Granny Smith as a body. She couldn't walk out that door, knowing what awaited her.
I bucked almost that whole orchard by m'self, an now ah can't even go back to mah own house because ... She felt a hoof on her shoulder, and turned to see Fluttershy standing beside her.
“There's really no reason to hurry, either,” Shy said, as she gave the earth pony a reassuring pat on the back, “and there's no reason you should go alone.” With a thankful smile, AJ nodded her head, and, together, the two ponies left the cottage, heading down the road towards Sweet Apple Acres.
Chapter 3
The funeral was a massive affair. Granny Smith had been one of the original settlers of Ponyville, and her zapapple jam had become the stuff of legends. Apple Bloom had struggled not to sob, her face hidden by the black veil she wore, but the loss was too sudden, and too severe. Big Macintosh had stood beside the podium, where Applejack had given her speech, tears streaming down his face in the light rain.
It seemed appropriate to have rain, Applejack had explained, it was a sad day, and even the skies should weep for the loss. AJ stood before the grave, the casket long ago having been lowered, and then entombed, within. The other ponies drifted away, offering their condolences before returning to their largely unaltered lives. She struggled to fight down the bitter anger.
Easy for them! 'So sorry for your loss, gonna have those zap apples on time this year?' Her mouth turned from a frown to a snarl as she thought of how little they understood.
Don't you know what this means?! Everything is different now! Nothing will be the same! But she knew it would. Everything would keep moving. The trees would keep growing, and the chores would need to be done. She'd already been spending too much time moping and planning the funeral. Big Macintosh had been shouldering both his and her portions of the chores without complaint, and it galled her that she'd let him do it.
Ah'm so... ah'm so sorry Granny... ah should've been there. Ah should'nta left your side. Ah know ya wouldn'ta wanted me just hangin around ya... but... but time is precious. There's so much ah never got to ask ... She sank to her knees, and cried once more, shoulders heaving as the sobs rocked through her. How long she spent there she'd never know, but, at long last, her sorrow and rage were expended. Feeling hollow, she rose to her hooves, and turned away from the tombstone.
And found herself looking straight into Fluttershy's eyes. The two stared for a long time, then, without a word, they headed back to her cottage. As the ponies sat in Fluttershy's living room, sipping their tea, Applejack thought about all the things she'd never gotten to learn about her grandmother.
All that time... Ah thought ah'd have more time to find out. Ah just kept puttin it off, figurin ah could always do it tomorrow ... She took another sip of the spiced apple tea, Fluttershy finally having found a flavor the earth pony enjoyed. With a forehoof, she rubbed her eyes.
“Ah'm such a foal,” she muttered, causing the other mare to look up from her own cup of tea, “ah kept puttin it off, talkin to Granny Smith. Jus kept waiting, tellin mahself ah'd do it tomorrow...” She gave a solemn shake of her head.
“An now it's too late.” She almost felt tears rise again, but she seemed to have run out. The hollowness inside her remained, and any sorrow that might have welled within her, was ousted by its unfathomable depths. Fluttershy reached over, and pulled the mare's head onto her shoulder.
“It might make her happy if you learned something from that though...” she said quietly, “about not putting things off that you mean to do.” For a time, the two sat in silence, Fluttershy's foreleg wrapped around Applejack's shoulders. Suddenly, the orange mare stiffened, then sat upright. Foreleg still resting on AJ's back, Shy turned and regarded her with surprise.
“You're right...” Applejack said, seemingly to nopony, eyes straight ahead, “Ah may not need to do everything all at once,” her voice had risen, but now dropped back down to just more than a whisper.
“but ah ain't gonna sit here while mah life passes me by.” She turned to face the startled pegasus, a fire dancing in her eyes.
“Listen Fluttershy, ah been thinkin. Ah don't know how y'all...” she paused, struggling for words, “feel bout these sortsa things, but ah gotta get somethin off mah chest.” For a time, she sat, trying to pull her courage together, while Fluttershy waited, honestly not knowing what to expect. With a heavy sigh, the earth pony plowed ahead,
“Ah ain't like other mares.” She rubbed her mane with a forehoof, dissatisfied with her choice of words,
“Ah mean, ah don't... ah'm not really into...” This was turning out to be much harder than she'd expected. She rubbed her eyes again, trying to figure out the words she wanted to say.
“Remember when Dash an I were competin' in the runnin of the leaves?” Shy nodded, still unsure where all this was headed.
“Well, that weren't just some, willy-nilly competition. It was more like... Well like, when birds dance and sing in the spring time...” She trailed off expectantly, eyes pleading that Fluttershy would catch her meaning. The cream-colored pegasus' eyes widened as she grasped what AJ was saying.
“Like a mating ritual?” Applejack flushed scarlet, but gave a firm nod, too embarrassed for words.
“Did... did it work?” Applejack rubbed her mane with a hoof again, face still burning.
“Well, to be honest, Dash ain't exactly... stable material. She don't really have that knack for keepin a clean house, or takin care of her own problems...” Applejack's heart was pounding in her chest. Fear clawed at her mind, screaming at her not to continue, to just turn back now and try to minimize the damage.
“You can do this another day,” it seemed to say.
No. Ah'm not puttin things off anymore. Ah lost one o the most important ponies in mah life to learn that lesson, now ah'm gonna use it!
She forced herself to look straight into Fluttershy's eyes. With a gulp, she said,
“Not like you do.” Fluttershy was shocked. For a long moment, neither spoke, both staring into the other's eyes. Applejack's chest grew cold with apprehension, then fear.
Oh Celestia what have ah done!? Now ah've gone an lost one o the best friends ah had! Me an my big stupid mouth! Ah shoulda known. .. As she berated herself in her mind, she got up off the couch, and started to walk towards the door. She reached for the handle, intent on getting out of there as quickly as possible. She just wanted to go home, go to bed, and cry herself to sleep.
Fluttershy stepped in front of her, causing her hoof to brush against the yellow mare's face. Applejack was too surprised to react, as the pegasus leaned in, and planted a soft, impossibly light kiss on her lips. When those teal eyes opened, after she'd pulled back a fraction of an inch, AJ's faculties kicked back into action.
“Buh?” Fluttershy giggled, placing a forehoof over her mouth, causing both ponies to blush furiously. Applejack wrestled with her mind for a moment before she could finally put together a coherent sentence.
“Does that mean... Well ah guess it would mean y'all'd be willin to give this a try?” In response, Fluttershy kissed her again, more forcefully this time, pressing her mouth against the other mare's. Applejack wasn't quite as off-guard as before, and returned the kiss, placing her forehoof on the back of Shy's neck, caressing her soft mane.
When they broke apart, both were panting slightly, not used to holding their breath for so long. With a smile, Fluttershy took a step closer, and nuzzled up against AJ's neck.
“Yes,” she said softly, her breath tickling the earth pony's ear. With a goofy grin plastered on her face, Applejack hugged her new marefriend goodbye, promising to come by when she finished her chores tomorrow. Fluttershy returned the enthusiastic embrace with a little giggle, then watched as the orange mare made her way down the path from the cottage.
When AJ turned to wave one last time, Fluttershy raised her hoof and blew a kiss, which caused the other pony to make an exaggerated pantomime of catching it. Giggling once more, Fluttershy shut the door to her cottage, heart soaring as she went about preparing for bed. She couldn't help but sing a little.
As Applejack trotted back to Sweet Apple Acres, she reflected on all that had happened. It had only been two weeks ago that everything had been following the same routine it always had. In that time, everything had been turned upside down. She looked up at the sky, the last vestiges of sunlight disappearing beneath the horizon. In the clouds, she imagined Granny Smith, smiling down at her.
Dear Princess Celestia,
ah guess this time ah did learn an important lesson. Maybe not about friendship, but definitely about life. Ah learned you never know when something you have is gonna be taken away from you. That you need to get out there and make your life into what you want it to be, and not sit around waiting for the things you want to come to you. Puttin stuff off just makes it more likely that y'all'll never do it, and that the chance will pass you by before ya realize what you've lost.
Losing Granny Smith may have been one of the most painful experiences of my life. But it was the push that made me realize that, if ah want my life to be filled with joy and laughter and good memories, then ah need to be makin sure ah'm havin joy and laughter, and makin good memories.
Satisfied, Applejack put the parchment down on the night table beside her bed, and stoppered the ink well. She wiped the quill off, and put it away, as well as the ink pot and letter to the Princess. She'd have Spike send it in the morning.
“Hmmm, you finished with your letter?” Fluttershy mumbled, her head nestled on AJ's lap. She looked down at the pink-maned pegasus, as she lovingly brushed an errant strand of hair off her face. Fluttershy smiled at her touch, and gently nuzzled against her tummy.
“Yeah, ah reckon it's time to go to sleep,” she said, leaning over and blowing out the lantern. As she slid down beneath the covers, Fluttershy moved to a more comfortable sleeping position...
“Woah nelly !” Applejack exclaimed, her face flushing.
“Oooh, maybe, ah, maybe it's not, quite time to go to sleep.”
The End