The Life and Times of Mr. Sneevil
Place: Earth, New York City
Year: 1950
Well, so here is where it all ends Roy old boy. Strapped down, shaved bald, with a rubber diaper, waiting to send more volts into you that the ball in time square. I'd say it would be cheery if I didn't have to look into the ugly Mug of Big Slim and his thugs.
“Yeah I see you there you mutts! Thinking you got best of ol'Sneevil?” I yelled as loud as I could, only to see Big Slim smile the whole damn time.
I remember before this whole thing started...I was within the dank darkness of an abandoned warehouse from back during the war, wearing my best ink black and yellow suit, a bowler hat I won in a card game, and a devilishly handsome mustache. I was sifting through old papers and documents, making sure there be no problems when the cards hit the table. I went over my ‘master plan’ for my new future...only to soon have it blow up in my face all because of a ‘friend’.
I was known in the darker parts of the big apple as Roy Sneevil, but most call me Mr. Sneevil. Before this point in time when I was younger I was a street who got by on stealing from the pockets of rich fools with elaborate scams and cons. From senators, to millionaires, I would trick these mucks into giving their money to me. However one of these fools, a lawyer with some weird tastes, had friends in dark places. Thus I found myself indebted to the Mafia. From that point I worked my conman’s games in service to the Mafia Boss, Big Slim who use dark secrets to run the city his way.
Over time however I would be free of my debt, but remain with the Mafia as I thought of the greatest last scam to end all scams. Stealing the Mafia from Big Slim and becoming the next Big Boss. I had used many connections in the underworld to create my ‘Master Plan’. During my planning I had a ‘friend’ who was supposed to help with this plan of mine. His name was Paul Deison, a fellow mobster who I met during a job. Paul and me hit it off like nothing, we had same taste in booze, women, and money. I thought he had my back on this plan, until...
Within an instant my vision darkened and everything went south…It would be hours later that I awoke to find myself in some very hot water…Paul, that snake, on the orders of Big Slim had thrown me into the hands of the police with enough evidence to convict me of hundreds of heists and crimes I didn’t commit. With some bribed judges and witnesses, I was sentenced to death by electric chair.
It had been a year ago today since that terrible night. I had seen better days as I spent my time in a one prisoner cell for all that time. One rainy day the guards arrived with a priest of the faith to escort me to death's door, the electric chair. After walking thru the prison I entered the room to see the rows of people behind bulletproof glass.
There on the right back row was my lawyer who happens to be my half sister, Bonnie. Not many people put faith in lawyers, less of all one that was a dame. But she was family, didn't have any to speak of to begin with, but she was top of the 'worth a damn' list. How she fought for me. Despite it being a man's world, she's gonna push and make something of herself, not unlike her good for nothing brother. There on the left front row was Big Slim and his goons, Slim always did have one rule...make sure your enemy is dead in front of your own eyes. I was hooked up to the chair, the stench of the guy before me was lingering, and the metal restraints felt a bit warm around me. Once everything was ready I was giving my final words.
“By the word of the maker, even in sin one may find redemption and peace on the other side...what are you final words?” The Priest asked. I looked around at Big Slim and noticed next to him, hiding under his hat was Paul, by the look of his new suit I figured the boss gave him a promotion for what he did to me.
“I don’t know about peace and redemption, I just tried to play the game only to lose everything. That's what I get for going soft, Who needs friends?!” I yelled at Paul who gave me this sad look. Like I would understand why he betrayed me.
“So throw that switch...there waiting for me down below. “ With that the guards pulled switch, I lite up like a christmas tree.
Thus ends the life of Roy Sneevil.
. . . .
It had been a few hours since I woke up here, I looked at the pond that was next to me. My reflection is looking right back at me. 'Damn it.' I thought to myself. The creature that stared at me was not me, it was some kind of cartoon pony, like somethng from a comic stipe in the Sunday paper. I had my bowler hat and part of my black and yellow suit, but the rest of me was like a nightmare. A grey pony with a black tail in the same twist as my mustache, and a strange picture on my rump in the shape of a goat skull. Well looking at my reflection will get me no where, so I looked around at my surroundings.
This is nothing like New York City. There is nothing but trees for miles around. At least, I assume it's for miles. Questions filled my head, Who am I alive, Where the hell am I, and more importantly Why am I a horse? I decided to not dwell on that for now and tried to figure out how to walk in this damned body. Walking on four legs is unnatural for a human, or should I say.... former human. But I eventually got the hang of it.
"Okay, I checked off walking off the list. What's next?" I thought about this for a while. I tried to look at the sun. Oh right, thick canopy, but there was just enough sunlight passing through the leaves for sight.
It was then that I saw some birds looking at me warily. Once they they knew that I noticed them, they flew off, a few feathers drifting towards the ground in front of me. I decided to Follow the feathered rats, maybe I'll get lucky and stumble on some civilization.
Later on...
After at least a couple of minutes of straight running to catch up, I saw where the birds retreated to, A cottage of sorts. Pretty primitive home compared to my old New York apartment, But it seems cozy. I tried to catch my breath with the running I did, I continued to scan the area.
The birds landed on the back of a yellow horse creature, with a pink mane and tail. This pony walked towards me thougth Im not sure if it saw me behind this bush. The world seemed to slow to painful speeds. The only way to avoid confrontation is to run. I high tailed it out of that scene as the pony looked on like she didn't know what was running away, only that it made a lot of sound as it rushed onward into the Everfree Forest.
I managed to get away but now found myself lost in a god forsaken forest and I'm sure night will fall soon. However fate may be shining on me yet as I seemed to have stumbled onto a natural cave I could stay the night. I found a large leafs and made a blanket out of it, figured this would keep me warm. As I laid down to sleep I looked at the night's moon and stars thinkin to myself.
“Well, I can't decide if I'm in Heaven...or Hell.”
