XP

Ch1

(WARNING! If you do not know the beast Titan's full identity, do not continue reading if you don't want spoilers.)

  It's a sad day.

  The weight of unending sorrow pulls him down, brings him to a conflicted state. And he is lost now. What is he gonna do now that such pain is clawing at his heart? How will he continue, progress in life after all of this?

  It's so bright today, blinding, beautiful, too beautiful. The sky is blue, tinted with a glorious pink that glows through the thin clouds, and the trees are in bloom. Birds chirp loudly in the trees, and children laughing while playing in their backyard reaches his ears.

  It's not supposed to be like this. Why isn't nature sharing the sorrow of today, of tomorrow, of the remaining days of his life? Why can't it understand him?

  Where is the rain that represents his tears, the thunder that shows his anger and conflict? The deafening silence, where was that?

  Whenever something bad happens, it always rains, the clouds are always gloomy, and the sky darker than ever. But the world decided to be happy today, something the young teen doesn't mind, but still finds himself wishing nature would at least comfort him with sweet sounds of water trickling to the ground from the heavens.

  Propping his cheek with a fist Eren stares out his seat window, his green eyes are empty, and no sign of tears were left to scar his face to show his sadness. In front of him was a stranger, in the driver's seat he drives to take Eren to his brother's home.

  Looking down he eyes his black, expensive outfit, a black suit specifically worn for those type of days. Eren didn't like it, it was so dull, and plain, and not to mention uncomfortable. It was almost too tight in some areas.

  Eren would have requested a change of clothing before leaving, but due to the fact that they were on a tight schedule, and all his belongings were no longer at his used to be home, all being transported to his brother's house, he decide against it. So after the funeral he had to go straight into the transportation car with the rest of his luggage, dumping it in swiftly, and preparing for a long journey ahead.

  So for hours he was sitting here, his butt was sore, for the seats of this damned car were definitely cheap. It was good he hadn't drunk any liquids this morning, otherwise he would have most likely asked to pull over at a gas station, more than twice at that. He just wanted to get this over with so he could find a bed, and proceed to collapse and fall into a deep sleep.

  It took all day to get there, but Eren didn't care. Because he didn't want to be there.

  "We're here sir."

  Pointing out the obvious, Eren sighs.  Seeing the expecting look on the drivers face as he stares through the review mirror and right at him, Eren knows he isn't getting out to help him.

  Eren opens the door and grabs his red suit case and back pack. He struggles to not hit his head upon getting out, the car so low to the road.

  There was no need to pay the driver, for he was already given the money from his Aunt. Aunt Faye was the second to only family he had left. He would have gone with her if he had a choice in the matter, but he didn't.

  The child never gets to decide now do they?

  Since his Aunt is busy on a trip far away, she was sadly unable to take him with her. She wouldn't be back for a long time, Eren was unsure how long a "long time" was, but the sooner she got back, the better.

  Once the door to the car was closed, and he was sure that he wasn't forgetting anything, the car went driving down to make a turn in the cul de sac and leave. It's red lights were bright as he stops at the sign, and Eren kept his eyes on it till it was gone.

  The street light above flickered, making Eren come away from his thoughts as he looked up at his new home. It was a small house, a one story with a small backyard. It was very simple but very well taken care of. The paint was clean, the lawn of grass was cut and free of weeds, and the Rose bushes fully trimmed to perfection.

  Pulling the handle from his suit case he rolled it as he walked up the concrete driveway and onto the sidewalk leading to the entrance of the house. The sound of crickets, his footsteps, and the wheels of his case was all that he heard.

  A very quiet neighborhood, at least at night.

  When Eren came face to face with the door he didn't hesitate to raise his hand, and thrum his knuckles against the oaken colored door five times. Nothing happened. He rung the door bell. Nothing happened. A few more knocks. Then he waited, for around twenty seconds, then the door opened.

  "Oh, hi Eren," Zeke stood in the doorway, the man clearly just about to head to bed was standing out of the way to let him enter. "You're rather late."

  Eren didn't say anything to him, just walked passed and took in his surroundings carefully. Surprisingly to what he was expecting, it was clean, and well organized. Eren himself was quite messy unless frequently told to clean his messes.

  As Zeke closed the door to lock it, Eren was observing the fairly large living room he walked into. A flat screen TV sat against the wall, speakers surrounding the sides and ends of the leather couch across from it and by the end of the wall. To the right was a kitchen, the floors were a white tile, and counters were a black marble. That was all he could see from where he was, the wall of the entry way blocking his view.

  Then there were stairs, that made Eren furrow his eye brows. He thought this wasn't a two story. The stair way was carpeted, and the wall covered the side, a black rail nailed to the side of it.

  "Your things haven't arrived yet. Apparently there was a delay and it won't be here till tomorrow or the day after." Zeke explained as he looked around the room.

  That's when Eren actually noticed his brother's full appearance. No shirt, loose pants, and his hair was ruffled along with strange red marks on his neck.

  "Do you have company?" Eren asked as Zeke looked for a shirt briskly. Eren was just fourteen, but he by no means was a stranger on certain subjects.

  Zeke chuckled at him and apologized, but not answering him as he picked up a shirt from the couch, and threw it over his head, then pulled it down to cover his toned torso.

  "Do you need anything? You hungry?" Zeke started heading to the kitchen, walking past Eren on his way.

  Eren slowly followed him, keeping his back pack slung over his shoulder, and bringing his case with him.

  "No I'm fine." Eren replied simply, not sure what to do or say. After ten years of absolutely no contact from your brother, it becomes a bit strange seeing him again. Especially now of all times.

  Zeke returned with a glass of water in his hands.

  "Your room is upstairs. It's a guest room so you have a bed and blankets."

  Zeke seemed casual so far, while Eren just wanted to go to sleep. The first time seeing him since he was four, he left a strange first impression. A tidy man with a muscular build and obvious "I just got laid" signal coming off from him. Everything else was fine, but he thought he would see him in different circumstances. Like perhaps opening the door, and not smelling of sex and leave him waiting outside while he finished whatever he was doing.

  As they went up the stairs Eren heard a voice come above and after coming up that last step he saw a woman leaving a room. He hoped it wasn't his room.

  "Rico this is Eren, Eren-Rico." Zeke spoke, hand waving between the two as he introduced them.

  The woman was actually completely dressed and way more presentable than his brother. Her hair was messy, and probably smelled, but at least she had the decency of not coming out in a bra and underwear.

  "Ah so this is him huh? Well, nice to meet another member of the Yeager's, finally." Rico said while extending a hand to Eren.

  Eren gave a hesitant smile and gave his hand to shake. "Nice to meet you."

  Rico gives a half smile and nods, pulling back before giving Zeke a half hug and walking past them.

  "I gotta get home to take care of my mother. See you both soon." Rico waves as she rushes down the stairs.

  It was silent for a moment, and until Eren heard the sound of the front door opening and closing upon her leave, he then spoke.

  "Are you and her-" Eren glanced back down, and pointed his thumb over his shoulder.

  Zeke shook his head as he turned to walk along the hall. "Me and her are just close friends. Your room is over here. Usually Rico sleeps here but since it's yours she'll be using the couch."

  "Ah." That's all Eren said after that, not feeling the need to say anything else at the moment. So this Rico and Zeke were friends with benefits? Another great first impression.

  "The only bathrooms are the one in my room and downstairs. So if you ever need to use the shower just ask and you can use mine."

  Eren plopped his stuff down and went to stare out the window of his small room.

  "Well anyways, goodnight."

  Zeke closed the door behind him, Eren looking back before groaning, and plopping on the well cushioned bed that creaked upon the new intrusion.

  He curled up, not bothering to turn off the light, or get out of his clothing. He just wanted to get some peaceful, and hopefully dreamless sleep.

*

  Today is his birthday. Eren hadn't realized it till he was awake and pulled his phone from his dejected back pack and saw the date. He gulped, finding unwanted tears dancing in the corner of his eyes.

  This was gonna be the worst birth day of his life. Because this would be the first one he has alone. His mom was dead, his dad was dead. His friends, all way back home, far away. Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Marco, Connie, Sasha, Mina, Marlow, Hitch, and Hannah. They had been all that was left, and he was stripped away from them.

  Clenching his fists he shot up from his bed. He hated feeling like this, so weak, so vulnerable. He needed to treat it, and he knew just how to make it better.

  This bad habit all started when his mother died, but it wasn't as fierce as it was about to get. His dad had caught on it right away and helped him get away from it, to abandon the need to do such horrible things to his body. His friends helped him through it with such love and comfort, but they were all gone now. No one was here for him.

  Pulling off all his clothes he was left in his black boxer shorts. Glancing at the door he didn't bother locking it, as he doubted his brother would barge in, at least, that is what he hoped. Opening his back pack, he scurried through it to find a swiss Army knife hidden under all the clothes stuffed inside.

  It was what most children had, meant to defend oneself from cruel people. But Eren used it for unhealthy purposes. It was black, thin, with silver lining. He quickly found the knife and brought it out from it's folded position.

  He needed to get rid of this pain by directing his mind to something else. This anxiety over how he is going to survive this unfortunate event was pricking at his skin and he had to get it out.

  Looking at his wrist he examined the long forgotten, and faded old scars from his first time falling into depression. There were only a few, but he intended to put much more.

  So he did, hissing as he took the tip of the sharpened edge and running it right over the old scar, breaking it's bondage, and letting blood seep out of the open slit near his wrist. He did it again.

  He was starting to calm down, feeling his heart rate drop back to normal, and both his pain and his unease slowly faded away as he focused on the blood that unintentionally dripped onto the carpet, staining that spot Crimson.

  He reopened all of them till he was a bleeding mess. No doubt he would have to wait to go out. The bathroom was downstairs, so he couldn't just go down in nothing but boxer shorts, and blood dripping down his hip and wrists.

  So he did whatever he could do, and took one of the neatly folded towels he found after a bit of exploration that were hidden inside a dresser drawer. He would need to sneak that in a load of dirty laundry once he got the chance. Mentally he made a note to use this towel specifically when he needed to do this, relieve his stress.

  Eren didn't like to do it, it was scary. But it was the only medicine he had for now.

  After the bleeding went down, he decided to wear a loose hoodie and black pajama pants. That way the fabric of his clothing wouldn't run against them, and he wouldn't end up bleeding in front of his older half brother.

  When Eren was dressed, he grabbed his phone, and found his tooth brush to go clean himself up. Before leaving his room though he picked up the towel with a sad and lonely gaze as he tossed it under the bed.

  With that done he opens his door to leave after finally turning off the light that was on all night from his laziness.

  He immediately smelled something. Bacon and eggs. As he came to the stair step he looked up at the window at the wall above, wondering exactly what time it was. Didn't matter though.

  Once down the steps he folded his hands in his white hoodie pockets, and came to sit on the couch, looking up to see the news, something about robbery and murder, or some crazy shit.

  "Oh, you're awake." Zeke seemed to finally notice his presence after that long five minutes. "If you're hungry there is plenty of leftovers in there"

  Eren nodded at him while thanking him, sighing as he got back up and went to get himself a plate of whatever was in there. It was a bit difficult, it being a whole new house and all, took a good while finding where everything was. He almost stuck with a bowl for his bacon, eggs, and toast when he couldn't find any of the plates.

  After that, he came and sat back on the couch where his brother was on a laptop typing away. He ate silently.

  "Do you have wifi?" Well there is something. Eren looked up to see Zeke turn his head to him.

  "Hmm?...oh yeah sure just one sec." Zeke replied while running his finger over the mouse pad.

  "Alright. Do you mind if I change the channel?" Eren asked after feeling as sense of discomfort at what just came on.

  The remote was tossed to him and he quickly began to scan through the channels. Maybe he should check animal planet, maybe some cute puppies could lighten his mood, or perhaps distract him.

  "I'm heading off to work after breakfast, and won't be back till late afternoon." Zeke said as he rose and had asked to see Eren's phone to give him his wifi. "Will you be alright on your own."

  "Sure, whatever." Eren shrugged as he thanked him and took his phone back, finding himself disappointed when the message app showed no new notifications upon entering his pass code.

  Zeke left a little while after that, and now Eren was laying down on the couch scanning through Facebook. He didn't usually use the site, but he found that it was giving him more comfort than the TV. Why? Because all his friends, one by one, were commenting on his timeline, all calling out on his birth day and Mikasa even sent a video.

  Excited to just see their faces he quickly pressed the video and let it play.

  "Hey Eren!"

  Eren felt a small smile at the sight of his blonde friend Armin who was holding the phone. It looked like he was at Mikasa's right now by the familiar house furniture in the background.

  "Mikasa and I just wanted to know how you are doing. And of course tell you-Happy Birth day!"

  Mikasa and Armin both said the last words together at the end, Eren watching the loving smiles on their faces.

  "We really miss you! And please talk to me if you need anything Eren. We love you so much." Mikasa was still trying to be motherly by offering comfort to him even though they were so far away. That made Eren chuckle.

  "We hope you'll be happy living with your brother! Face time us back soon!" Armin's finger came in view of the camera as he went to turn it off.

  Eren dropped his phone and rolled to his side, feeling all the depression from yesterday come back in waves.

  "I miss you too guys."

•

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Authors Note: The knife that Eren uses in this story to cut himself looks like the one he used to kill the kidnappers. Right now Eren just turned fifteen, and in this story Zeke is 25 instead of 34. This chapter may change, if it does then I'll just tell you when the next chapter is out. This story is just something to put out there I guess. I wanted to write this after going through a situation of wanting to cut myself. That's it for now.