What happens when the fire dies?
"Luggage, check. Double check the checklist, check." Twilight rolled up the scroll, placing it in her saddlebag. She looked up at the crystalline castle she had called home for so many years. Her eyes began to water as she remembered all the good times she'd had, all the memories they had made. Her tears flowed, the dam they had been hidden behind crumbling. This was it. She had already spoken with Celestia, the post office knew where to send all of her mail, and she had already shipped most of her belongings ahead of her. There was just one more thing she had to do. She had purposely put it off until she couldn't anymore. She entered the castle for the last time. A silence that pained her hung in the air as she trudged towards the throne room.
On her throne was a bit of parchment, an inkwell, and quill. She had set them there for a very specific letter. The silence of the castle was deafening now, the only was the beating of her own heart... and it was racing. She was dreading this. It wasn't like she didn't know what to write. On the contrary, she had spent the past few weeks putting the words together in her mind. Reluctantly she engulfed the quill in her magic and began to write.
"Twilight, I'm home," Spike called as he folded his giant wings, entering the castle. No response. "Twilight? Sweetheart? Are you here?"
The castle held an eerie stillness, like the pregnant pause after a tragic happening. It was unsettling and Spike couldn't help but feel a sense of dread wash over him. He started off towards his bedroom, hoping to find his lavender love napping peacefully. As he passed by the throne room, he noticed the door was left open. He peaked his head in to check it as he passed and stopped. He noticed a glowing scroll set upon Twilight's throne. A lump formed in his throat as he strode over and plucked the scroll from its perch. A scent drifted to Spike's nose. Blueberries, Twilight's favorite. He opened the rolled parchment and began to read.
My Dearest Spike,
If you are reading this then I have already left. I hope you are well. Celestia told me that your most recent trip was a dangerous one. I wish you weren't a part of her elite military squadron. Maybe things would have been different. I still remember the first time I realized that my feelings towards you had changed. It was about 78 years ago, if my memory serves. You had just returned from one of your many diplomatic stays with Dragon Lord Ember. Those 15 years were turbulent ones for me, having just lost Pinkie Pie. It still hurts when I see the new bearers of harmony. I see our friends in each of them. Dealing with that pain atop not having you to talk to. Perhaps that played a part in my change of heart. When you came back to me I no longer saw the baby dragon that was my number one assistant. I saw a handsome, maturing dragon who I cared for more than words could say.
Our relationship was never perfect, none ever are. We had our euphoric highs and our manic lows, It's been quite a ride. The lows were, unfortunately, too much for me. When you started working directly for Celestia we started fighting more and more. Honestly I don't remember what half of those arguments were about, or who was right. You started spending more and more time away. I felt a gap begin to grow between us, slowly at first, and before we knew it it had become a chasm. Words no longer comforted, gestures held no meaning, touch had no spark. Somewhere along the way our fire had died, no more was there warm feelings in me when hearing your voice.
And so it is with a heavy heart that I write this letter. It's over Spike. I'm not coming back this time. I've already made arrangements elsewhere. Please don't come looking for me. This is hard enough as it is without thinking that you will spend decades searching. I'll always love you Spike, but we both know that whenever we are around each other we are either fighting or intimate. That isn't a real relationship and you know it. So this is goodbye.
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle
Tears stained the scroll as Spike crushed the letter in his claw and placed the other on his face. His knees crumbled and he fell to sit on the floor. The tears were flowing freely as memories began flooding his mind. Their first kiss, the trip to Saddle Arabia, the first time they had become intimate, when they finally told their friends.... there were so many. He loved Twilight so much and for her to just be... gone. The lump in his throat had moved to his chest while he read, now feeling more like an emptiness.
"Twilight.... " Spike whispered "Come back, please." He looked up entreatingly, " Please come back to me. I.... I don't know what I'll do without you."
Celestia had just closed open court when a frantic royal guard ran up to her throne. He bowwed low before speaking.
"Princess, Spike has flown into the royal garden and is demanding an audience with you."
"Show him in."
Several minutes later a purple dragon was escorted into the throne room. He stood quite tall, at least a head taller than she was. He glared daggers up at her as he spoke.
"You knew, didn't you?"
"Knew what Spike?"
"About Twilight. You knew about her plans?"
Celestia regarded the dragon with caution. She knew should she misspeak that the harsh anger in his voice would become a boiling rage. She saw the guards near the door tense and lower their spears. With entreating eyes and a silent shake of the head the guards returned the spears to a standing position. Her attention returned to Spike as she steeled her gaze.
"I did. I was entrusted to secrecy by Twilight and you were on a mission overseas and you..."
Spike interrupted her, eyes flaring in anger. "She is the LOVE of my LIFE!!! AND YOU COULDN'T TELL ME SHE WAS THINKING ABOUT LEAVING ME?!?!?!" His teeth were bared and his eyes had narrowed into slits. His posture shifted slightly as his leg muscles tensed and his wings extended slightly. A rattling of armor was the only constant sound now as the ferocity in Spike's words had rattled the guards. Celestia sighed, rising from her throne.
"Had I told you, what would you have done differently? The rift began when you started working for me... but you love what you do and the ponies you do it with. Would you have really given that up willingly, even for her?"
Spike grimaced as her words struck him. Her words rang with a bitter truth to them. During the fights with Twilight the subject of his job had come up very frequently. It was one of their staple points. Was he simply deluding himself? Could it really have played out any differently? The answer broke the wall, and tears streamed down his face for the second time that day. He slunk to the floor, folding his wings beside him as he sobbed into his claws. Celestia strode over and was about to wrap Spike in her wings when she heard him mumbling something that sounded as if it had been a question.
"What is it Spike?"
"Why does it hurt so much?" Spike asked, barely audible. She was taken aback by the seemingly obvious query.
"What... what do you mean?" she asked genuinely confused.
"If I would have given up on Twilight," he sobbed, "then why does it hurt so bucking much? Why do I feel like I can't breath, like there is an empty pit inside me swallowing my heart?"
Pain filled Celestia as she watched Spike mourn. "Because even though you love your job more... that doesn't mean you didn't love her." The heartache was palpable and for the first time in decades, Celestia was lost for words.
