Before I begin, I want you to know what I am about to tell you I do so in utmost confidence. It’s a personal matter for my sister in several ways, and as such, I would prefer that you do not relate this to anyone else, at least not without her permission. I wouldn’t be telling you this unless I felt it was worth you knowing, and I had already asked her permission.
Now, there is a… let’s call it a place, if you will forgive me for being a little vague. This place appears different to every pony who finds themselves there, some see it as a forest, as a river, a plain, a desert. It’s always vast and always directionless. Two years ago, Twilight found herself there, and in her case, it was a black forest, drowned in gloom.
Those who find themselves in this place often find themselves lost, and the same was true for Twilight. She had wandered for some time, alone, most likely not even aware of her surroundings, when she finally came upon something that was neither tree nor dirt. Luna had finally found her.
The two shared greetings and Twilight, no doubt noticing her odd situation, asked where she was, and Luna, perhaps as a small mercy, or perhaps as some call to form, told her she was dreaming. Which, according to Luna, wasn’t a lie, but we know how you feel about half truths.
Twilight was sharp and spotted the misdirection though, so Luna was forced to be honest with her;
Twilight was dead, and Luna had come to guide her soul to the other side.
Luna told me Twilight went slack with shock, as ponies in her position often do. They often have trouble remembering their own deaths at first. It’s part of what Luna does for them. No doubt that last night in the hospital was rushing back to her.
Of course, Twilight being Twilight, her immediate reaction was to mostly be embarrassed and apologize for letting her own demise slip her mind.
Which, I suppose, didn’t do my sister any favors. She… she likes her theatrics, as I’m sure you’re aware. Part of that means setting up events ahead of time, like a director staging a play. She’s also a creature of habit, and has been offering guidance to lost souls for some time. All of that meant that she was not terribly prepared to deal with the simple fact that she was now standing before the very fact of the mortality of her first and closest friend besides myself, and that friend was apologizing for forgetting the death Luna had to witness a few hours prior.
So Luna defaulted to what she does when she’s confused: self-hatred. She saw within herself the spark of self-interest that made her want to see to Twilight’s passage personally, and used that as a justification to lay into herself as being selfish. Thankfully, she had the elder Princess of Friendship on hoof to comfort her.
Personally, I find something both touching and amusing about the Shepherd of Souls receiving comfort and wisdom from a soul she had come to protect and guide. Of course, Luna also noticed the irony of the situation, and when she commented on it, Twilight merely shrugged it off as the generosity she had gotten from her lifelong association with Rarity coming to light.
Luna suggested they press onward. Twilight had been curious about her comment regarding this being a dream, and so tried to engage her on that. If you asked Luna, she would probably say the concept is somewhat hard to explain, so error is to be expected from time to time. Just between you and me though, she has a whole ‘Mysterious Pony of Death’ act she likes to go through, and she mostly just tripped all over herself because she was still emotionally off balance after what had just happened and was just generally embarrassed about acting like that towards someone she knew.
If you pressed Luna she would probably explain first that there is a connection between death and dreaming. That, much like death, when a pony dreams their soul waxes and becomes less attached to their bodies, and makes contact with another realm she calls the Dreaming where they form dreams around themselves. When a pony dies, they simply become untethered entirely until Luna either finds them, or they move on to a place she calls the Far Shore and pass on to the realm of souls. I personally haven’t experienced it much first hand, although to me I find it incredibly… Luna that she would choose to describe death in terms of dreams and lunar and oceanic imagery.
Granted, even she would admit that describing these things in terms of places a soul goes or does is a poetic flourish on something more abstract. Which is mostly what Twilight finally got her to confess after they beat around bushes of rhetorical questions and metaphors.
So they wandered on through this “place” Luna calls the Dreaming, talking about the nature of things when Twilight came to halt, her face falling. So caught up in Luna’s self-doubt and the curiosity and ambition to know that defined her as a filly that she hadn’t take a moment to consider what being dead meant. Her family, her friends. You, I. She had left us there, crying in that hospital room, and here she was, heading off on some other adventure with a friend.
Of course Twilight would only care about her own death when she realized it would be a bother for the rest of us.
It was real to her then, her death and what that would mean, and like most ponies she was overwhelmed. Luna held her then, and comforted her, both through the loss and immensity of the thing, and for her embarrassment for crying now, after she had assumed she had made peace with what was and had now happened.
“Death is not an easy thing to face, Twilight,” Luna had said. “And you have faced it with more dignity than many.” Twilight floundered then, claiming that now her death was real and nothing she could do could change that. Luna told her that she had done much in her life, for her friends and her family, and that we would carry on.
The two huddled together like that for a few moments more, and Twilight eventually calmed. She thanked Luna and told her that she was wrong, that she was not selfish for having offered to guide Twilight in this, and her comfort had been needed on the journey. Luna, no doubt embarrassed, accepted, and the two moved on.
The two carried on a bit more about questions of metaphysics and my sister’s chronic struggle with metaphor when something caught Twilight’s attention. Something she had not heard in years, but she would recognize even if it had been a century.
… It was Pinkie Pie’s laughter.
Twilight rushed ahead, and Luna after her. The trees broke and they came upon a shore of white sand and a sea of mother-of-pearl light. Luna grabbed Twilight and restrained her, asking her to stay for a moment more. I suppose it says something to the dedication of Twilight to her friends that she held on, even with Luna’s help as her lost friends called her on to where she needed to go.
Luna struggled in that moment, panicking by her own admission, but Twilight was ever full of grace. It was, as Twilight pointed out, not every day Luna had to say goodbye.
Of course, it wasn’t that simple for her. Twilight was in many ways her first friend after I tarnished that title, and it was through Twilight that Luna was returned to herself and the world. Even all of Luna’s other friends are only hers because of the courage and guidance Twilight gave her. It’s no exaggeration that Luna owes the whole of her life to Twilight. So, immortal goddess of dreams and death or not, this was not easy for her. It wasn’t fair is what she told Twilight, and it wasn’t. Twilight was going to a place Luna could not, and so Luna had to say goodbye to Twilight as she knew her. For good.
That is the way of things though, and unfortunately if the world was perfect, I would be out of a job.
Luna extracted a promise from Twilight, and it’s part of why I’ve told you this tale. Luna is often happy to comment that another way in which death and dreams are connected is that there is too an awakening from death. Ponies come back from the shore beyond the sea, to live a new life much as they wake from dreams to live a new day. She made Twilight promise then to come back when that dawn came to her, and to seek Luna out. Of course, it was a foolish thing to ask.
As if Twilight Sparkle would ever pass up a chance to go on an adventure and see her friends again.
A promise made, Luna let her go. Twilight told her to tell you and the rest of us that she loved us and that she would be waiting for them as the rest of your friends were waiting for her. The two said their goodbyes, and Twilight turned then, first trotting, and then running out across the shimmering sea. She became a bolt of light as other bolts of light came to her, flying and weaving around each other as she and her friends fled to worlds beyond.
And so ends our tale, with Luna crying on her uncrossable shore, broken, but with hope, at least.
-
I watched her stare pensively at the gameboard as I finished.
“That’s it, then?” Applejack asked.
“Yes. That’s it.”
“I see.”
We were having one of our weekly games. As the others passed, especially Twilight, I had made a habit of these. I valued a pony who could be glib and frank towards me, and in my own way, I was making time and holding onto a part of my life that was slowly becoming the past.
Luna has her shepherd of souls act, I have Go with Applejack. We make do as best we can.
“It’s a lot to take in.” Applejack finally said.
“It is,” I replied.
“So… When Luna came up to me at Twi’s funeral an’ said Twi loved me and would be waiting ‘fer me on the other side-?”
“She was making an informed observation, yes.”
“Huh.”
Back to the board she her gaze went.
“What is on your mind?”
“I dunno, I jus’...”
“Thinking of taking an early retirement to see the beach with some old friends?”
“Wha-no! I wouldn’t…” she trailed off, and mumbled to herself.
“What was that, Dame Applejack?”
“I said, ‘sorta,’ Princess.” She glared at me. I smiled back, and then took a sip of tea. Mmm. Cold now. I poured myself another cup as I leaned back, looking at her.
“There would be no shame in it. You’ve lived a good life.”
“I still got kin. Plus, it’s not that, I just…”
“Miss them and want to see them again?”
“Yeah.”
“Of course you do. Just like I do. Just like I will miss you when you too leave me.”
“I see.” She shuffled her little stones around in their basket, staring at the board without thinking about it. I kept watching her, trying to think her thoughts along with her, trying to see if there was something I could say to help whatever was on her mind.
Eventually she just sighed.
“It’s a lot to take in. Horseapples, I don’t even know if I really believe it… or if’n I’m being honest, if I really want to believe it.”
I frowned, and then smiled, taking another sip of my tea. Luna liked playing at mystery, but I had a much longer time to practice. Plus, as Twilight had told Luna during that journey, teasing was the mark of a good friend.
“Well, it’s up to you how to take the story. If it upsets you though, consider this; Luna admits freely that what she does and says is as much poetry as fact. If the story is troubling to you, then consider it just another dream or fable of hers, with as much truth as those things often carry.”
“That’s an awful lot of a trouble to have gone to tell me a ghost story, Celestia.” She glowered at me.
“Ah, but stories or no, the best ones are often worth the trouble!” I said and grinned.
