Chapters Author's Note
I'd like to start with a huge thanks for everyone who liked my Rejuvenation Play.
Prologue
"Why...Won't...You...Die?!"
The black-and-blue hippogriff, flail shaking in his claws, screeched at his opponent as his equine back-legs buckled with fatigue.
The mighty alicorn princess, crimson-mane blazing with flames, pointed her great sword out before her as the great Battle of Faceless Rock thundered on around them.
"Why don't I die, Anzu?" she asked, breathing heavily, fighting exhaustion "Why would I with so many things worth living for?" She gestured with her blade "Stand down. I promise you'll face swift justice"
"Pony scum!" the hippogriff flung himself at his foe.
A halo of burning gold laurels lit up above the alicorn as her horn glowed in a blinding light.
As her blade met his flail, the light enveloped the hill they stood upon.
Anzu screamed as his spiked armour shattered around his body and his wings were scorched with holy fire. The ground rushed up to meet him as he choked and scrambled in the dirt.
"It's over, Anzu!" The alicorn towered over him. In the grim darkness of the battle, she appeared immolated "You and your master are finished. Surrender. Now"
The deranged hippogriff slowly began laughing. It was the laugh of a mad beast.
"You pathetic little nag!" he cackled "You think you've won?! You think the master can't crush you like we did for Pansytown and all the little vermin we found within?!" He coughed blood as he laughed, his cold, empty eyes bulging.
"Twinkle-Wish screamed as she died!"
The blade of the alicorn princess swept through the air as Anzu's head, visage locked in a sadistic leer of triumph, bounced upon the hill. His body slumped to the ground as his slayer turned away.
'So much death'" she thought " 'Just when I thought it was over'"
"Princess Laurelore!"
The echoing cry of a dear friend thundered from the sky as a gigantic frost dragon landed before the alicorn and bowed his head.
"Sigurd" she smiled at one of her few centuries-old friends "How goes the battle?"
"The Elements fight on and claim precious ground. Iris has led the Wonderbolts to victory and Nuzzle has arrived, a dragon army beside her" the dragon reported "Cornflower broke through the enemy lines in a charge. Adamanta has brought down the towers. And Zipadee's sabotage of the foundry was successful. The trench is ours. Baigujing, Sartorius and Dr. Poddle are our prisoners and Arkham the Ghoulking is dead. But your highness..." he paused, catching his breath, snowflakes pouring in and out of his mouth "Aurora has gone missing from the battlefield. Her Element has not been extinguished. I fear she may have been...captured. Your highness, I fear what might happen to her"
"Nothing will happen to her, Sigurd" Laurelore the Firsticorn sheathed her sword "We're ending this right now. All of us. If not..." she looked up at Sigurd and rested one hoof on his gigantic muzzle.
"It was a joy to know you, old friend"
"Princess! Princess!"
An indigo unicorn mare, dressed in a golden wizard's hat and cloak, bounded up to her Princess.
"New Tricks" Laurelore addressed the newcomer "I'm glad to see you..." she glanced down and saw that, gathered up in a sack slung over the sorceress's shoulder were the remains of the fabled staff of her teacher, Ozymandius, the mad wizard.
So there was no reasoning with him.
"You did well" she said.
New Tricks was breathless and stammered out a report, barely noticing Laurelore's sad gaze.
"Princess Laurelore, the Amazing New Tricks can barely believe her eyes! The Amazing New Tricks never even thought it possible. It's left the Amazing New Tricks completely-"
"Slow down" Laurelore commanded in a calm but firm manner "What have you seen?"
"It's him, your highness" New Tricks's eyes, one red, one blue, shone with wonder "The stallion in the blue box. He's taken to the field"
Laurelore was silent. Turning away from both Sigurd and New Tricks, she stared out deep into the battlefield.
"He came back"
"As the prophecy foretold" Sigurd mused "Very appropriate in this case"
"The old saying" New Tricks added "The oldest in fact"
The three of them recited it at once.
"Demons Run When A Good Pony Goes To War"
*
"This...is one of the most shameful cases ever to come before this bench!"
The court was silent but for the histrionic soliloquy of the lean, peevish judge, thin and white of mane with a sickly-green coat mottled with dark grey dots. The reedy, pop-eyed Right Honourable Lord Magistrate Nitpick, Sixth Earl of Speck, had a hammy and melodramatic manner that would rival the Flower Trio of Ponyville.
"In all my years as a Magistrate, I have seldom heard a tale of such heinous iniquity!"
An orange pegasus, scruffy and swaying groggily, ruffled his blue mane and opened his mouth to speak.
"I-"
"BE QUIET!"
Nitpick's voice was not good for his hangover.
The defendant's head swam as the events of last night's caper were brought up in a volley of rebuttal.
"This...parasite...can think of no better way to end an evening's hooliganism..." He made a show of appearing heartbroken, shaking with dismay "...on the night of the Preparatory College Boat Race..."
'Why doesn't this flank-head shut up and become an actor or something?'
"Can our seats of learning produce barbarians so lost to decency that their highest ambition is to steal a respected noblemare's wig and make off with it?"
"I was gonna' give it back"
"SILENCE!"
The pegasus's hooves flew to his ears.
Last night was, without a doubt, the last time he and Stumbler would challenge Cloud Chaser and Flitter to cider-drinking.
"I find you guilty as charged, Flash Sentry" Every word the Lord Magistrate spoke was rolled around his mouth like a Yak Throat-Singer "and have no alternative but to fine you the sum of five hundred bits, dishonourably discharge you from the Royal Guard and sentence you to three years in prison"
"Wait-WHAT?!" Flash Sentry was jerked back into sobriety in an instant "You gotta' be freaking kidding me! This is bull-"
"I ORDERED SILENCE!" The Lord Magistrate turned red as a plum, his gavel slamming furiously on the bench.
"Take him away!"
"Listen, you can't do this!"
"AWAY I SAY!"
Nitpick's voice was drowned out, a difficult feat, by the sound of the court doors flinging themselves open as a white-coated unicorn stallion, adorned with the gilded armour of the Royal Guard, strode into the court, his face steely and determined.
"Lord Magistrate" he sounded, calm but loud enough for the court to hear "Private Flash Sentry is to be given unto my authority as his Commanding Officer. I have been informed of the charges and can assure you I will deal with them"
"And what do you mean by intruding on matters of royal judgement?" Nitpick bristled "Who are you, young stallion? Speak!"
The officer removed his helmet, releasing a long shock of navy-blue mane.
"I am Sergeant Shining Armour of the Royal Canterlot Guard, 3rd Palace Grounds Platoon. Private Flash Sentry is under my command and as such it falls to me to moderate and punish any crimes or misdemeanours he may or not commit" he threw a disparaging glance at his newest recruit, who, though committed to his duty as a Royal Guard, was proving himself quite the troublemaker. This wasn't the first time he'd caught the ire of humourless nobles. But never had he been up before Lord Magistrate Nitpick.
Flash Sentry made an attempt to grin sheepishly at his Sergeant. Secretly, he was blessing his CO like a beggar would a guardian alicorn. Nitpick meanwhile, fumed like a foundry funnel.
"You, Sergeant, will not impede royal justice!" he pointed his gavel meaningfully at the officer "Your odious associate has perpetrated a violent and black-hearted offence against the crown and society"
"Yes, I've been talking with her Ladyship, Madam Lyrica. I assure you, on my honour as a Guard of her Highness, I will handle this"
"The sentence has already been carried out, Sergeant" the cantankerous judge declared "Three years in prison, dishonourable discharge and a fine of five hundred bits"
"Stop talking garbage"
Shining Armour had not faltered an instant. His manner had been of a tired teacher dressing down a difficult foal.
There was a collective gasp and murmur from the court as Nitpick drew himself up in disbelief, gawking at the curt stallion before him.
"I..." he growled "...am not in the habit of talking garbage, Officer!"
"Well, you're doing surprisingly well for a beginner"
The murmurs grew louder before the Lord Magistrate slammed his gavel upon the desk.
"A fine of five hundred, officer. Your associate is getting off lightly in my opinion" he sniffed, one eyebrow raised "If he cannot pay, I shall expect your office to do so in his stead"
Shining Armour gave a muffled snort of derisive laughter.
"I always wondered how he made his money" he said to no-one in particular"
"WHAT..." Nitpick bellowed "...DID YOU SAY, OFFICER?"
"Nothing, Lord Magistrate" his tone was calm, as if the Sixth Earl of Speck could do nothing to him "As I said, I will handle this"
The Sergeant turned and gestured to Flash Sentry.
"At the double, Private"
The two members of the Royal Guard left the court, the grinning orange pegasus saluting mockingly to the speechless judge.
The doors to the Canterlot Palace of Justice closed behind them and Flash Sentry could be himself again.
"Whoo!" He did a mid-air somersault "Yeah! And Flash Sentry walks again. You're the colt, sarge! Give a bro some love!"
He held out his hooves in an open hug gesture.
Sergeant Shining Armour eyed him unimpressed.
"Don't think you're off the hook, Private" he snapped "You are in deep curd, young stallion. Do you have any idea how much I had to apologise to Lady Lyrica for the stunt you pulled last night? That mare is not somepony you want to steal a wig from, Private"
"Ugh, you too, bro? I thought you were cool! I wasn't stealing it, alright?" Flash Sentry waved his hooves jadedly "I was gonna' give it back. It was a bet with Stumbler, okay? We were both drunk"
"You are not helping your case, Private" Shining Armour barked, glaring at the pegasus "Were you in uniform, answer me now"
There was a pause both of them hung on.
"No" Flash Sentry said in seriousness.
His Sergeant gave a relieved sigh. The reputation of the 3rd Palace Grounds Platoon had not been tarnished.
"I mean, I was still wearing my coverall...well...parts of it...but me and Stumbler were off duty. Blockbuster took over at o' eight-hundred and signed us out. We met up with the mares after the boat race and...one thing led to another"
"You challenged the twins to a drinking contest "
"...yeah"
"You're an idiot, Flash Sentry"
"I know" The Private couldn't help but notice Shining Armour's tone mellow out a little. While his Sergeant was a strict and no-nonsense stallion, his platoon still loved and admired him for his dedication, courage and for his prominent practice of looking out for them.
"You and Stumbler are still getting cleaning fatigues, I hope you realise"
"Sure, okay" He put a hoof around Shining's shoulder "But don't think I didn't see you getting an eyeful of dear Lady Mi Amore Cadenza"
"Wh...I wasn't getting an eyeful, Flash...I was there to cheer her on"
"What, so you didn't get a little flustered when she got her mane all wet?"
"Flash, you are inches from a flank-kicking" Shining's embarrassment was not well-hidden.
"S'alright, bro. I'm not here to pass judgement, I think Sunset Shimmer looked pretty sweet in that jumpsuit" He sniggered "And speaking of 'judgement', I saw Nitpick in the crowds and let me tell you, I did not like the way he was looking at Adagio"
"You'd be wise not to mention that in public, Flash" Shining said grimly.
"I'm just saying, being on trial for a college prank is one thing but when the guy telling everypony you're a parasite, barbarian, hooligan, whatever is creeping on mares young enough to be his daughters..."
"I know, Flash, I know" Shining Armour shook his head "Let's just get back to the mess. I believe Sunset Shimmer wanted to see you"
Flash Sentry's wings shook beside his shoulders in a frisky fashion.
"Oh yeah!" He straightened his mane "Mares can't get enough of the Flash"
"I think it's more likely she wants to scorch your tail off for wolf-whistling her at the boat race"
"Shyeah right, c'mon Shining, she liked it. I saw her"
Shining Armour's eyebrow rose knowingly.
"You sure about that?"
"Why wouldn't I be...although" the pegasus's brow beaded with sweat "...could you...walk in front?"
The unicorn chuckled. What was he going to do with Flash Sentry?
Stewing over the insult paid to him at his bench, not to mention the loss of a potential five hundred bit 'service bonus', Nitpick cleared the court and made his way out the palace of justice. He found a friend waiting for him. It brought a mild smile to the Lord Magistrate's face.
"Nitpick, old friend. I hope I'm not late"
"On the contrary, Cumbersome. You're very punctual. How do you fare, my good stallion?"
"Heartily well, sir. An excellent rally, Nitpick, excellent" he beat one hoof upon his lapel pompously "A dozen new supporters"
"Ah good...that's good...isn't it?" Nitpick rarely took an interest in his friend's political interests.
"I am sorry you weren't there, Nitpick" He said that with an air of accusation that the Lord Magistrate paid little mind to.
"Pressing business, I'm afraid. Both in office and among the Glass Household. In fact, before heading off to the Hanoverian this afternoon, to toast to your efforts I'm sure, I must pay a visit..." his tone grew dark "...to somepony who has gravely stepped out of line"
"Bah! " Cumbersome spat "There's more every year! I consider it to be a good enough reason to give him a damn good thrashing!"
"It's a 'her', Cumbersome"
"Even more reason!" he guffawed.
"I very much fear such a feat, though no doubt warranted, would attract unnecessary attention. This must be handled cleanly. Come, let us make our stance clear to her"
The two noble stallions marched grandly to the study of the mare in question, a prominent civil worker from Ponyville who'd been called over by the Chairstallion of the Royal Council himself to act as judicial official in a particularly eventful trial of numerous dangerous fugitives recently caught plotting a terrorist attack on Fillydelphia City.
The mare was young for her position, efficient, inquisitive, outspoken and highly regarded by Celestia and her most trusted associates.
All the tell-tale signs of a social climber.
"Looking forward to heading off then, are we?" Secretary Raven Inkwell helped the rightly satisfied Ponyville go-getter with her luggage "I bet you'll have plenty of stories to tell everypony back home"
"I've been away from Merry and the kids for nearly a month, Raven" Lady Justice closed her suitcase, filled with reports of her findings. The click of the suitcase gave her a feeling of great contentment "I want to get back before Hearts Warming"
"Well, I say you've earned it, Ma'am" Raven gave a smile "How you cracked it, I'll never know. Fancy Pants is exceptionally pleased"
"I am honoured by his faith in me. Give him my best regards"
"Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he wants to give you a place here in Canterlot"
"No..." Lady Justice shook her head knowingly "I couldn't do that. My place is in Ponyville"
"I'm sure he'll understand that"
Their conversation was interrupted as the doors swung open and two stallions marched in and eyed them disdainfully.
Lady Justice knew both of them by name, face and reputation.
Lord Magistrate Nitpick, dressed in a fine black suit and an ermine trim collar with the gold medallion of office. A prickly, sanctimonious and dirty old stallion who, in Lady Justice's opinion, deserved being sat down at the other end of the court considering how many incidents concerning young mares he and his hangers-on had covered up all through his career.
His companion was Sir Cumbersome Clout, former sportsmaster at Trottingham Academy and, most recently, a loud but minor political campaigner. He was described by his party as a peerless visionary, seeking to restore Equestria to a glorious age long forgotten, for whatever reasons. He was described by nearly everypony else as a raving, violent, bigoted old fool.
To describe him, one would have to imagine a scenario in which nature had intended to make a rhino and changed its mind half way through. A monster of an earth pony possessed of muscles that threatened to tear open his brown suit, a coat the colour of a strawberry blancmange, a face set in a permanent glower and a moustache that looked like somepony had squashed a fly just under his nose.
Two very proud, very out-of-touch and very self-interested ponies. The reason Fancy Pants had hired her to act as a judge in the first place was that he didn't trust the ones in Canterlot.
"Lady Justice..." Sir Cumbersome sneered "We'd like a word with you"
"Lord Magistrate Nitpick, Sir Cumbersome" Lady Justice greeted them with an air of disregard, her eyes half-closed, her tone mediated.
"I trust you want me to hear from a dozen more friends of yours who 'Most certainly did not see you trying to fondle Fleur De Lis in the Royal Theatre three weeks ago?' "
At her words, Lord Nitpick's face curdled like mouldy yoghurt, with about the same colour, and Sir Cumbersome Clout rumbled with indignation. Raven Inkwell tilted her head with disparagement at the two ponderous stallions.
"I am not, madam, and I forbid you from mentioning that...rumour in this establishment!" Nitpick snapped "An acquaintance of yours has paid my family a great insult"
"I'm sorry to hear that"
"Your apologies are insufficient, madam" Nitpick's head rose, trying to make himself look large. It wasn't easy. Nitpick was a formidable stallion in the bench but outside of the court he was small and unimposing.
He turned to Raven Inkwell.
"Do you have anywhere else to be, Miss Inkwell?" he asked expectantly.
Raven shrugged.
"Not really"
Nitpick gave a grumble but began his complaint regardless.
"My lady wife, fraught with worry after uncovering a disgraceful scandal in Ponyville concerning her family and it's invaluable reputation, wished to speak with members of the town council. Is it not true that your relations with the town mayor are...suspiciously intimate?"
"Lord Magistrate, I resent your notion of impropriety" Lady Justice said coyly "Our relations are far from 'suspicious' ...We are married. Happily. And have three beautiful children"
Sir Cumbersome snorted with disapproval but said nothing as Lord Nitpick continued.
"Never mind that now. It was at the hooves of the mayor and her associates, my lady wife informed me, that she was harassed and threatened with physical assault. Such conduct, I shouldn't have to remind you, is intolerable"
Lady Justice pursed her lips a moment.
"What did she do?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Don't act so indignant, Lord Magistrate. The citizens of Ponyville are rarely ever even slightly violent at the worst of times and, without meaning any offence...your wife has a terrible track record for setting a good impression"
"Mrs. Justice, you forget yourself!" Nitpick glowered at the Ponyville go-getter "The Glass family, and indeed, the line of the Earls of Speck, are noble families, some of the noblest in fact, and our influence is deep and far-reaching. If we do not have justice, my dear mare, we will see fit to carry it out ourselves. My wife, madam, is not to be taken lightly"
"Neither is mine" she replied, not one to be intimidated "You need not worry, my lord. I'm heading back home this very afternoon. There I'll get the full story and decide what repercussions, legal or otherwise, are warranted"
"Do you imply, madam, that my wife's report is mistaken?"
"Oh no, my lord, I don't think you're wife's mistaken at all, I just think she's lying"
Sir Cumbersome slammed his hooves on the hard wooden floorboards, nearly breaking them under the force.
"NOW SEE HERE, YOU-"
"Sir Cumbersome, believe me, I'd love to stay and chat" Lady Justice chirped cheekily as she and Raven carried her luggage out the Palace of Justice "But I've got a train to catch and my wife must be missing me terribly. I'm sure we'll get a chance to talk another time. Congratulations on the rally by the way, a dozen recruits? I wonder how many weren't there for the free drinks? I suppose you'll find out at the next rally. Toodle-oo everypony, I shan't half miss you all!"
And the two mares trotted off toward the train station, leaving the two stallions seething in the doorway.
It wasn't just anger they felt, it was worry.
This had been escalating in recent years. Social climbers reaching heights above the aristocracy. The Princess taking more interest in changing ancient laws and traditions rather than leaving politics to the noble families.
Ever since Fancy Pants had shown up.
*
At the peak of Faceless Rock, The Deceiver craned its elongated neck skyward as its finest creation pulsed with magical energy. A swirling, screaming creature from the void was enveloping the clouds above, spewing flaming rocks and tides of charging beasts pouring from its mouth.
"Yeeeeeessssss..." The Deceiver hissed, its forked tongue trailing across the edges of its lips "It's only a matter of time now"
"Master" An orange lammasu, bloodied and bruised from battle, his steel armour broken and falling off him in chunks, landed in front of The Deceiver and abased himself.
"Carthage..." The Deceiver's voice was akin to a worm slowly trailing across the interior of one's skull "You don't look very well"
It inched forward, its tentacles writhing and smacking against the dirt as the terrified lammasu quivered.
"Where are my elements, General?"
"They...they..." Carthage stared up at the towering demon he'd pledged allegiance to "They were too strong"
"Were they now?" The Deceiver sighed, its six eyes opening and closing out of sync "You were meant to bring them to fetlock, Carthage" It leaned forward, staring into the lammasu's wide, sunken eyes "I placed my faith in you and I was rewarded with failure"
"My lord, please...I won't fail you again"
"Correct" A pulsating tentacle danced in front of Carthage and began glowing.
"Carthage....it would seem you've forgotten" The Deceiver's face was dreadfully calm as the tentacle pointed forward, directly at the lammasu's face and began splitting off into two, then four, then forty.
"When you fail me, general..." it mused "...you only get to do it...once"
The mass of tentacles shot forward like a hellish blanket and swiftly filled up the screaming general's mouth, nostrils, ears and eye sockets. Kicking and flailing, the lammasu was lifted into the air like a morbid puppet. His body swelled and shook, his size and shape rapidly changing as The Deceiver watched and laughed.
"Only once!"
With a truly disgusting sound, like wet mess spilled across a floor, the body of Carthage exploded, scattering his remains across the general area. At the sight of fresh meat, swarms of ghouls leapt forward and glutted themselves on the mess in front of them.
"A shame" The Deceiver sighed, without a hint of remorse "He had great potential. Not that it really matters" It looked again at the mass of living terror above them.
"I shall not abandon my dream. Nothing can stop me now. Nothing can stop..."
"MAREPHISTALLION!"
The furious cry of an alicorn thundered across the landscape as Laurelore slammed into the ground before him, blade at the ready, eyes blazing with righteous fury.
Marephistallion the Deceiver laughed, clapping its clawed hands sardonically.
"Princess Laurelore the Firsticorn. How marvellous. You're just in time to witness your precious Equestria swallowed up and digested. Just picture what I did to Lickety-Split but...to absolutely everything!"
"Go to Tartarus, monster!" the alicorn yelled.
"No need, my dear" the demon chuckled "Tartarus is coming to me!"
One hand rose above its head, displaying the creature of the void slowly making its way into the world.
"The Monstrositor is unstoppable. In mere minutes, it will envelop the world, leaving behind a realm made in my image"
Laurelore's crimson mane bristled with flames.
"You're insane!" she bellowed.
The Deceiver shrugged nonchalantly.
"So what?"
With a roar, Laurelore shone her horn and blasted a ray of white-hot magic at the demon before her.
The ray stopped before it hit her target, slamming against an invisible shield and fading to nothing.
"Nah-ah-ah" the demon held up one claw mockingly "The pact still stands. You cannot harm me"
"That doesn't mean I can't stop you"
Marephistallion threw back its head and cackled brazenly.
"Fool! Alicorn or not, you're still just a worthless little equine who needs putting in her place. The Monstrositor was born and crafted to withstand magic, to drain it and leave this world bare. It is a beast you cannot slay, a weapon you cannot resist and I...I command it!" It spun around on its tentacles, rising to its furthest height, the amalgamation of flesh cast from Tartarus dwarfing the alicorn princess.
"I am Marephistallion the Deceiver! I am the hole in reality itself! I am beyond all magic! No Element can harm me! What will you do, Laurelore?! What can one insignificant little pony do to m-"
Its diabolical boast was cut short as, Laurelore could scarcely believe it herself, an actual motorbike and rider slammed into the demon's face, sending it sprawling across the ground, writhing with shock and anger as the vehicle did several 360's and stopped before them. The rider, a scruffy brown stallion in a woolly trench-coat and stripy scarf, coolly removed his 3-D glasses and answered.
"That!"
"You!" Laurelore cried out.
"YOU!" Marephistallion bellowed.
"Me"
The Stallion Who Stops The Monsters prepared to put his name to the test as he withdrew his sonic screwdriver and emitted a sonic pulse at the Monstrositor. The scream it produced was greater than the loudest thunderclap and the Doctor was almost certain his ears were bleeding. He wasn't about to let that bother him.
Around them, tentacles the size of tree trunks were spat out from the churning, otherworldly fiend, crashing into the ground and locking themselves in place. The Monstrositor was losing its grip. It was trying to hold on.
It wouldn't help.
"You!" Marephistallion rose, shaking with rage at the sight of the intruder in time.
"YOU! LITTLE! PEST!"
A gust of white, gold and red flew between the demon and the Doctor as Laurelore held off her terrible foe with powerful defence spells, still unable to directly harm it.
"Doctor!" she yelled over the chaos of the battle "I may not want to really know the answer to this but what the heck are you doing?!"
"Well, Laurie," the Doctor said, his all-too-familiar, death-defying grin plastered giddily across his face.
"I am a pony of science, a pony of great learning, a thinker, a wise pony and I'll be honest with you, your highness..." He stared up at the Monstrositor "I haven't got a bloody clue!"
Revving up his bike and speeding off in a wheelie, he aimed for the tentacle.
"'Ello beastie! Let's dance!" He closed his eyes.
Laurelore, Marephistallion, the Elements and, in general, all those present at the Battle of Faceless Rock, watched stunned as the mysterious time travelling pony rode vertically up the creature's tentacle, going for its mouth.
Sonic Screwdriver at the ready, the Doctor boldly uttered his favourite catch-phrase at the top of his voice.
"ALLONS-Y!"
*
Unlike Flash Sentry, Mayor Mare had not drunk so much that she felt hung-over in the morning. She was, however, dying for a morning cup of tea. Swathed in a periwinkle dressing-gown, made her way down to the kitchen, greeted to the smell of crumpets.
There was only one pony allowed inside her house who made crumpets in the mornings.
"Good morning, honey" A pretty lime-green head loomed in beside the Mayor and kissed her fondly on the cheek, passing her a steaming cup of tea.
"Liddy!" Mayor Mare, or Merry Weather when she was at home, brightened up at the sight of her wife, Lady Justice, outdoing herself in the kitchen "You weren't expected until next week"
"I just got back. Things sorted themselves out early" She threw down the Canterlot Gazette triumphantly "The Princess made herself heard this time. The Cult of Piggsicorn is no more and I tell you, Merry, I want to get that fiasco out of my mind" She shook her head, her swirly auburn mane bouncing between her ears "If you'd heard the insults, the threats they gave me, I know you would've knocked their teeth out"
"Oh come here" Merry wrapped her forelegs around her wife's shoulders and nuzzled her lovingly.
"I missed you, darling"
They kissed before sitting down to Lady's freshly-made breakfast.
"How are the foals?" Lady asked, tucking into a crumpet with great enthusiasm.
"Just wonderful. I checked up on them in Trottingham last week at the Academy. Silver Birch got very high marks in her last flight test. Sycamore is going out with Juniper Berry, you know, the green unicorn with the blue hair-buns. And Mahogany's gotten the lead role in the Syllabus Skittleby play this Winter Wrap-Up"
"Aah" Lady Justice indulged in a sigh of comfort "Just what I needed to come home to. Speaking of plays, tell me about the Rejuvenation Theatre and the little miracle in Ponyville"
"Oh you heard about that, did you?" Mayor Mare chuckled as she finished off a grapefruit "Well, here's what happened..."
Merry Weather regaled in detail the events of the Rejuvenation Theatre three nights ago.
By the end of it, Lady Justice was shaking her head in wonder, chuckling.
"And all this in a single night?" she gasped "Honestly, Merry, you make my month look calm in comparison"
"Yes but that's not all..." Mayor Mare leaned over the breakfast table and spoke quieter "Just last night, I met a member of Derpy's extended family"
"I didn't know she had any"
"Well you're about to find out why she never told anyone"
With an altogether more serious tone, Merry Weather explained what had taken place the night before.
Once she was finished, her wife sat open-mouthed staring into the bottom of her teacup.
"I can't believe anypony would treat her family like that" she murmured "It's ridiculous. It's like something out of those Plot Thickens books Mahogany likes.
"I know. Ghastly" Merry Weather said "I felt quite sick"
"Well..." Lady Justice leaned over and ruffled her wife's mane tenderly "I'm glad you sent her on her way. I'm very proud of you" She sat back in her chair and thought back "In fact, just before I left Canterlot, Countess Magnifying Glass's husband, Nitpick the Lord Magistrate, tried to pin me down and make me answer for what he called 'harassment and threatening behaviour'"
"Oh Liddy," Merry Weather covered her mouth in worry "I'm sorry...I didn't mean for this to involve you"
"It's okay, dear. I didn't let him get to me. And I was going to find out what really happened back here anyway. Now, Merry," She looked up and pushed her teacup aside "I understand why you and the mares would want to keep this to yourselves but I really think it would be better to tell somepony. If not Celestia then Derpy herself"
"It's fine. I kind of expected this" Merry said dismally "Believe me, there's nothing I'd like more than to see the Countess and her cronies behind bars but I don't want to think about what it could do to that poor old pegasus. Stress and bad memories are not the sort of thing a mentally handicapped mother needs"
"Let's get the town council together this afternoon. They'll sympathise with Derpy, they've got no reason not to" Lady Justice suggested "And they know Derpy. Tall Order and Raindrops are her work colleagues, Cheerilee and Pokey Pierce grew up with her and Doctor Horse and Nurse Redheart have been like parents to her. You know them all to be reasonable ponies, why else would you appoint them?"
Merry sighed.
"Alright, but right now our top priority in this case is ensuring that Derpy is not under any anxiety. It won't be easy but we need to make sure she's alright"
"And if we can't?" Lady asked.
"Then there's always the Doctor"
'Ding'
The muffins were ready.
Oven mitts fitted around her hooves, Derpy Doo carefully removed the tray out the oven and set to removing the piping hot muffins one by one. Dinky watched with wide, curious eyes from her seat on the kitchen table.
"Heeeeere we go" Derpy leaned forward and showed her foal "That's one muffin. That's two" she counted as she placed the muffins in a large basket "That's three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Ten tasty little muffins"
Dinky gave a excited burble of foal-talk.
"Don't worry, Dinky" she smiled at her foal, barely a week old "Doc should be here any minu..." she paused, grinned and spun round to the living room doorway where, as she expected, stood bedraggled but merry Doctor Whooves.
"Intruder!" she cried.
"How'd he get in?" the Doctor asked to which they both answered at once.
"'Intruder' Window!" The roommates burst out laughing as Dinky clapped her hooves, not quite understanding the joke but happy to see her mother and guardian so happy.
"You're just in time for muffins" Derpy pulled out a chair and offered the basket
"That's fast becoming my favourite time, Derpy" the Doctor sat down "Next to the Day It Rained Jammy Dodgers in Hyrax City"
He shook off his coat and scarf upon the chair and helped himself to a banana-nut muffin. While Derpy was on maternity leave, Mayor Mare and the town council had provided her with suitable accommodations. Doctor Whooves had offered to pay for expenses. One day, Derpy knew, the time travelling stallion would emerge from the blue box with pockets full of ancient treasure and his tail scorched by dragon fire. He'd been known to go to such lengths for those he cared about.
"So how was your day, Doc?" she asked.
"Well..."
"How...HOW?!" Marephistallion crawled along the floor, the lower half of its body torn off along with every measure of demonic energy upon the field as the Monstrositor's dead visage faded into dust in the rosy morning sky. The Great Rejuvenator stood above him, sword raised. Behind her, Aurora, the Element of Magic, lay on the ground, watching quietly while her friends tended to her wounds sustained from battle and torture. Elsewhere on the field, the stallion who'd brought down Marephistallion's world, rested against the motorbike, bleeding from countless injuries sustained in the Monstrositor's maw.
"You haven't guessed?" Laurelore asked, her voice dripping with loathing and disgust for the demon who'd taken so much from those she loved "I didn't want to do it but you left me no choice. And that was your downfall. When you forced me to put Lickety-Split out of her misery, her essence, her strength, her will to fight and her freedom from you resided in my Equis Blade. It wasn't me cutting you to pieces there, Marephistallion, the pact still stood. It wasn't me, it was Lickety. You remember? Weak, scared, silly, little Lickety that you tortured and mutated and laughed at. She beat you in the end! They all beat you! All the ponies you slaughtered and tormented! Twinkle Wish and Wisteria, Nanny Storytime and Big Teddy, Anemone and Acacia, Ozymandias and Whimsy Weatherby, Jungle Run and Old Gatsby! They beat you! You killed them all, you laughed as you killed them all but they still beat you! Just as they said they would! How does that make you feel?!"
"Shut up!" the demon shrieked "Shut up!" Hissing and spitting, the Deceiver made one last show of power now taken from it.
"I AM MAREPHISTALLION! I AM THE DECEIVER! I AM-"
"You Are Finished!" The great Equis Blade rose and spun in front of Laurelore's face as her horn lit up the sky. A great tower of light shot into the stratosphere, billowing away the clouds above before an immense wave of magical energy burst from her body and swept across the battlefield.
"My fallen friends and family, hear me. I release your essence to Paradise and bless you all for getting us this far. May you gallop free forever in the Eternal Vale" her eyes, burning and flickering with fury, set upon the demon.
"Marephistallion! I banish you to the deepest pits of Tartarus!"
Laurelore's command was matched in volume by Marephistallion's final scream. As the magic light bathed his body, the Doctor's plentiful injuries healed. All over the area, those who had taken wounds found themselves invigorated as their princess, at long last, ended the reign of Marephistallion. More tired than he'd ever been but immeasurably proud, Doctor Whooves managed to smile.
"You tell 'em, girl"
"Oh...you know" the Doctor shrugged.
"The usual"
Reasonably quiet around the house, the knock on the door was audible.
Derpy rose from the table, leaving the Doctor with Dinky for a few minutes as she headed to the landing and, as was her usual custom, tripped over a chest of drawers and hit her head on the door.
"You alright, love?" The Doctor had grown used to her habits but Dinky gave a few nervous mumbles before the stallion calmed her.
"Uh...I think so" Derpy took a few moments sitting on her rump until her head stopped spinning, then shook it a couple of times before getting around to answering the door.
"Hey Derps, how's it hanging?"
It was Rainbow Dash, a headstrong but faithful filly with a trademark rainbow-coloured mane. She was one of Derpy's most trusted friends who sometimes took shifts for her.
"Hi Dash" Derpy said awkwardly "Sorry, I banged my head"
Rainbow Dash chuckled.
"Maybe if you spend too long being a mailmare you just get way too used to knocking on doors, it doesn't feel right when you're answering them"
The two laughed although Derpy wasn't quite certain what that meant.
"Yeah...um...you want a muffin?" Derpy asked.
"Sure. Why not?"
She was thrown a muffin from the basket which she caught and munched on casually.
Derpy had known Rainbow Dash since she'd left home. Confident, carefree, a natural flier and good at a great many things, the colourful pegasus was a lot of things Derpy would've really liked to be. She'd always secretly been jealous of Rainbow Dash but she'd never ever resent her for it. Rainbow Dash had stuck up for her on many occasions.
"Sorry I haven't been around, Derpy" Rainbow Dash began in an uneasy, apologetic manner "Ever since I got my cutie mark, I've just been training so hard in Cloudsdale every day. I'm hoping to-"
"The Wonderbolts, right?" Derpy interrupted.
"Shoot, I'm getting predictable" Rainbow Dash chuckled, ruffling Derpy's mane. Though Derpy was around seven years older than her, the cheerful and ever-ready Rainbow Dash acted like an older sister when the grey pegasus, scared and unwise to the world, came into Ponyville some few years ago looking for a place to stay. To say taking care of Derpy was easy would be a great big lie but Rainbow Dash had never regretted it.
"I heard you had your foal"
"Yeah, little Dinky. You wanna' see her?"
"You bet" Rainbow Dash flew in. The home wasn't too spacious but Rainbow Dash wasn't a pegasus that enjoyed walking on the ground. Nonetheless, the Cloudsdale mare was substantially less reckless knowing there was a foal around.
In truth, Derpy had noticed a great increase in how careful she, herself, had been since giving birth to Derpy. All through her pregnancy she'd been terrified of tripping, falling and hurting the child inside her. Nothing ever came of it. She was still a clumsy young mare but not as much as usual.
Rainbow Dash made her way to the kitchen and found the Doctor balancing Dinky on one knee.
"Aw, she's tiny!" the cyan pegasus stared in wonder at the foal who, in turn, gazed in a hypnotised fashion at Rainbow Dash's mane.
"She's amazing, Derpy! She's like a mini-you! You're so totally cute, yes you are" she made a few faces and odd noises, puffing out her cheeks and trying to roll her eyes. Dinky broke into giggles and made an attempt to grab a hoof-full of her vibrant mane.
"She's awesome, Derpy! You done good" She looked up "Hey Doc. I didn't know you were back in town"
Rainbow Dash was known for her short attention span.
"Ah, Rainbow Dash. Good to see you, old girl. I saw you during that Cloud Crisis over Trottingham"
"Yep!" She grinned smugly "I wasn't in the actual rescue corps but I helped get everypony to safety and cleared that tree. Was I awesome? I was awesome, wasn't I?"
"Meh...could've been better"
The Doctor smirked at Rainbow Dash's expression, starting out indignant and swiftly turning to determined.
"Okay, buddy, it's on! You keep a look-out during the next storm rescue! I'll blow you away! I'll blow everypony away!"
"I think that's the storm's job" he chuckled.
Rainbow Dash couldn't help but snigger as she turned to Derpy.
"So the Doctor’s staying at your place?"
"Uh...yeah..." Derpy felt herself blush "He's...helping me take care of Dinky"
"I guess she's in good hooves. Still, if you need a godmother, I reckon she'd grow up to be a totally cool filly with my teachings" She spun in mid-air and made a pose she must have seen in an action-hero movie "It's a shame I can't teach her how to fly"
"It's okay, Dash. Thanks for being here" Derpy sat down "I could use your help. I mean...I haven't delivered the mail for months, ponies must think I'm getting lazy"
"Don't feel bad, Derps, you're on maternity leave. Me, Raindrops, Parasol and the others can handle things. Still, Pinkie Pie round at Sugarcube Corner's missing the days she sat by the mailbox and waited for you. She says you were always exactly on time and she felt a crazy buzz in her ears whenever you were about to deliver the mail"
"Heh..." Derpy chuckled at the memory "Whenever I gave her the letters I'd hear her say 'Whoo' really loudly. And she loves my muffins"
"Yeah, I've still got no idea how you manage to put 'em through the mailbox...like whole"
"That's an old Doo family trick" Derpy giggled.
"That's why you're Ponyville's best mailmare, Derps!" The cyan pegasus gave her a friendly noogie.
"So, old R&D, to what do we owe the pleasure?" the Doctor asked.
Rainbow Dash's tone turned serious.
"Er...Tall Order asked me to tell you. The Mayor and the Council want a talk with you this afternoon. I don't think you're in any trouble this time so don't worry"
"Oh...er..." Derpy looked nervous "...I see..."
The first few months of her job as a mailmare had been a pretty hectic time for her and, in truth, everypony else in Ponyville. Whenever she messed up, which was often, she'd have to come round to speak with the council and plead with them to let her keep her hard-earned job, explaining that she simply wasn't that good at delivering heavy goods or delicate packages or reading post-code. Little by little her job became less and less varied but it was better that way. She'd deliver the letters and parcels around Equestria and that would be it. Unfortunately this had also come at a literal cost as her salary required substantial trimming if she wasn't doing the jobs another mailpony would have to take. She still had no idea how she was going to pay for her flat. It kept her up at night just thinking about it.
"Okay...I'll come round" Derpy gazed at the Doctor and Dinky "We were going to take Dinky round to Sugarcube Corner today. Could you keep an eye on them while I'm out?"
Rainbow Dash gave a small, excited flap in the air.
"Sure thing, Derps. Little Dinky's gonna love it at the Corner, I always do. We'll be fine"
*
The Doctor found Sugarcube Corner bustling with excitement. It was a cosy place but suitably roomy. Dozens of foals were there, enjoying treats of all sorts. Rainbow Dash, idly hovering in mid-air while munching on a cookie, signalled them as they entered. The brown stallion approached the counter where a couple, a lean orange stallion and a dumpy sea-blue mare, proceeded to greet him warmly.
"Hello there, Doctor, we've been hoping you'd pay us a visit" Mr Cake began.
"It's so nice to see you here at Sugarcube Corner" Mrs Cake added and noticed little Dinky carried in a bundle in the Doctor's foreleg.
"And here's Derpy's foal at last!" she cooed "Hello you cute little filly! I've got some nice chocolate milk for you. Better hurry though, little Pinkie can't get enough of the stuff"
"Ooh did someone say-"
"Customers first, Pinkie, you know the rules. And come off the counter" Mrs Cake spoke firmly but gently to the hyperactive pink filly who had, somehow, materialised atop the Corner counter, hopping excitedly.
The Doctor blinked.
"Hi Doc!" She paid notice to the newcomer "Remember me? I'm Pinkie Pie, I remember you from that 'Welcome To Ponyville Party' I threw for you last year! I haven't seen you at Sugarcube Corner for so long! How's Derpy? I love Derpy! She's so funny and friendly and-Oooooh! You bought Dinky! Hey, Dinky rhymes with Pinkie!" She bounced high in the air "This party's just getting started! Wheeee!"
"Settle down, Pinkie" Rainbow Dash landed "Yo, Doc, good to see ya!" She gave him a wink "How' d'you like it here at the corner?"
"It's...quite fantastic" The Doctor breathed in the atmosphere. Everything about Sugarcube Corner was so welcoming. Every treat you were served looked, felt, smelled and tasted so fresh and carefully-made. The Cakes were indeed masters at their craft.
"Do you do jam tarts?" he asked Mr Cake.
"We do indeed" The Cakes produced a selection of the aforementioned pastries of nearly every variation. The Doctor selected three and placed fifteen bits on the counter. Unravelling Dinky from her bundle, he sat down and placed the merry little filly on his knee.
"Afternoon, Doc" A young but massive red stallion appeared, struggling to keep a giggling yellow filly in his hooves. He looked fairly worn-out but cheerful.
"Howdy Mac" The Doctor made a 'tipping the hat' gesture "Is this little Bloom, then?"
"Eeyup" he narrowly stopped his newest little sister crawling up his shoulder "No more'n a bud right now but flittin' around like a fruit-bat soon as she's old enough to use her hooves. Don't like to think 'bout what she's gonna be like when she's our age"
"Enjoy it while it lasts, big guy"
"Course that's kinda' what most foals're like comin' in here. All wound up with cake an' candy. Yours seems pretty mild in comparison"
"Well she's barely a week old. Couldn't get her teeth around cake or candy, no actual teeth yet in fact"
"Ooh, then she and Gummy have a lot in common!" Pinkie appeared beside them, a baby alligator resting on her poufy mane. It blinked out of sync and yawned to reveal a completely toothless set of jaws.
"...splendid" The Doctor had seen many things but the powers the energetic magenta filly had at her disposal baffled even him.
"In my experience," he continued "What you need is to distract them somehow"
"Yay! Distractions!" Pinkie Pie whooped "Do you sing?"
"I can try. It was a few centur-er...a while since but I think I can manage something"
Mac signalled to Caramel, who produced a banjo as the fidgety foals gathered round as the Doctor began a ditty he'd been working on, Dinky still perched on his foreleg, bobbing her head merrily.
Now here's a little story that's worthy of a boast
About a special pony that carries round the post
Some ponies will look left, others will look right
But one mare always looks both ways, 'cause both her sides are bright
Caramel began to strum, Mac gave a rhythmic beat with his hooves on the floorboards and the Doctor began singing with glee.
Oh my old mare's a mailmare, she wears a mailmare hat
She wears a flaxen satchel and lives in a council flat
She looks a little wonky, all wall-eyed, blonde and grey
But you can bet your cutie marks she'll brighten up your day!
*
The afternoon came along with a moderate bout of rain.
Derpy waited outside the Council meeting room, twiddling her hooves as the rain ran down the windows. The lights were on at Sugarcube Corner down the road where the Doctor and little Dinky were finally getting introduced to stallions, mares and foals around Ponyville. Rainbow Dash could be counted on to make sure they made a decent first impression, a skill that Derpy did not possess.
At last, the door opened and her work colleague, the jasmine pegasus Raindrops, let her in, giving her a reassuring smile on the way.
Mayor Mare, Tall Order and Lady Justice, the respective representatives of Ponyville's executive, legislative and judicial government, sat at the table at the head of a simple but spacious council chamber, facing her. At either side of them, secondary council representatives, all of them volunteers around the town, were seated in turn. Derpy recognised most of them outside of the council. Doctor Horse, Nurse Redheart and her sisters, Miss Cheerilee, Pokey Pierce, Colgate, Roseluck and several others. They had grown sympathetic to the muddle-headed pegasus and knew full well that her problems, though numerous, were no fault of her own.
"Good afternoon, Derpy" Mayor Mare said "Thank you for coming here. Now, unlike other occasions, I do not believe you know why you're here"
"N-n-no...I don't this time..." Derpy mumbled, sitting down.
"First off, quite important and something we'd all like to know," Tall Order, a stern but fair legislator, spoke "...how is young Dinky?"
"She's wonderful" The thought of her foal smiling and giggling brought a smile to her face "I mean she gets a little loud and needs a lot of time but me and the Doctor are...almost always on hoof"
"We are very glad to hear it" He straightened his spectacles.
"If it gets difficult, Derpy, do not be afraid to consult us at the hospital or day care, understand?" Nurse Snowheart chipped in.
"I know but..." Derpy shifted in her chair anxiously "I like spending time with her. I'm actually a lot more relaxed caring for her than I have been for a long time"
"That's...quite a good sign" Miss Cheerilee said, a little uneasy but cheerful, appropriate for her name.
"Now, Derpy" Lady Justice cleared her throat "There has arisen an incident quite serious which may involve you directly"
"Oh...I'm sorry...I just..."
"....don't know what went wrong?" Nurse Redheart finished her sentence "You've done nothing wrong, Derpy"
The council members braced themselves as Derpy looked around, confused.
"Let us explain" Mayor Mare began "A few nights after your birth, Miss Redheart, Mrs Cake, Miss Harshwhinny and myself were approached by a noblemare calling herself...Countess Magnifying Glass"
The effect was instant. The poor grey pegasus jerked back in her seat and started breathing heavily, her wall-eyes darting about in different directions, her front-hooves clutching her forelegs as if she were freezing.
"No...no, no, no, I don't...I don't want to talk about her...I don't!"
"Derpy? Derpy, calm down" Colgate placed a comforting hoof on her shoulder "I'm sorry but we simply need to talk about it"
"B-but...but...I..."
"Derpy, you should know that we have no intention of complying with any of the demands she's made" Pokey Pierce calmed her.
"Let us explain and please keep calm. You're in no danger" Mayor Mare said "She showed us the commitment she made you sign" She paused and pushed up her glasses "We destroyed it"
Derpy started, her misaligned eyes wide and staring.
"You...you did?"
"Yes. We dressed her down and informed her, in no uncertain terms, that she was, henceforth, to stay out of your life and should she attempt to cause you any grief of any kind, we would not hesitate to come to your immediate defence. I want you to know, Derpy, we are beside you all the way"
"We have everything we need to prove that you are capable of being a free and independent pony and capable of raising a foal" the sullen but efficient Doctor Horse added, bringing up a hefty dossier "Whether this stays in Ponyville or goes to the palace of Celestia, it'll serve"
"We all care very much about you, Derpy" Raindrops said, smiling warmly "We don't know what happened between you and your aunt but we're not going to turn our backs on you"
"I..." Derpy was mostly speechless.
"Something wrong, Derpy?" Tall Order asked.
Derpy thought a moment.
"...wow..."
"Are you okay, Derpy?" Cheerilee gave her meaningful nod.
"Um...well..." Derpy lowered her head "It's...it's really great that you all want to help me...and I'm really very thankful...but..."
"But?" Mayor Mare asked.
"I...I..." Derpy took a deep breath and collected herself "I don't really want you to..."
"Derpy?" Raindrops asked as the muddle-headed mailmare began to softly weep.
"Please..." she whimpered "Please don't get hurt because of me...she's my problem...I don't want it to be yours..."
"No, Derpy, really" Nurse Tenderheart cooed "We don't mind at all. We're happy to help"
"That's just it! I'm sick of help!" Derpy sobbed "All my life the ponies who were kind to me all say I need help! And it makes me feel like I can't do anything myself...no...it reminds me!" She stood up "I have a foal...and a job...and a house...if I still need help I might need it all my life. I don't want to live like that! I want...I want to at least...pretend...that I'm normal"
"Derpy" Cheerilee voice was nearly quivering.
"I'm sorry" she sniffed "But I've made up my mind. Please don't get involved. If I meet my aunt again, I'll...I'll know what to do"
"What about the Doctor?" Nurse Redheard asked.
Derpy managed a half-smile.
"You're wrong about him" she said "He doesn't just help me. We help each other. We're not so different. I'm really happy you want me to help but...please just let me get by this on my own"
There was a prolonged pause. Most of the council looked worried. Some even looked heartbroken.
Derpy rose, wiped her eyes, sniffed and answered.
"Okay"
*
The song was in full flow by the time Derpy arrived. Everypony in Sugarcube Corner was clapping and stomping to the beat.
"All together now!" the Doctor cheered, thoroughly in flow as Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Big Mac and several other ponies joined in with his daft but catchy song.
Oh my old mare's a mailmare, she's loved by all the colts
She bought a thousand tickets to see the Wonderbolts
Cloud Chaser shoved her sister for cheating in the race
Then Soarin tossed an apple-pie into Celestia's face
Where was the Princess when the chaos did unfold?
She was flying round in circles with her flanks all painted gold!
Singing Oompah-Loompah-Stick it up your jumpah!
Rule Equestria! Marmalade and Buns!
She threw birthday cake at everyone!
Everypony around fell around laughing and cheering, the foals thoroughly satisfied in entertainment for the day.
"Where did you learn that song, Doc?" Caramel hooted.
"In strict confidence," the Doctor muttered "someone very close to the Princess"
"Not Princess Luna?" Mr Cake gasped.
"No. Philomena. It's based off a real story apparently" Those around erupted into even more intense laughter.
"Ooh, we should be careful" Mrs Cake breathlessly fanned herself with a dishcloth "If the Princess actually heard us..."
"Chill out Cup, I know her. The old girl's got a fine sense of humour"
"Hi Doc" Derpy, heartened by the overwhelming merriment in the room, wrapped her forelegs around the Doctor from behind and rubbed her face against his in a tender fashion.
"Whoa, ay-up lass!" the Doctor said "How's things?"
"They're..." she paused, sighing "They're good"
"Are you sure?" They were interrupted by Dinky who had taken her hoof out of her mouth and was reaching out for her Derpy, whining a little. Derpy picked her up and smiled tenderly.
"Oh, I think Dinky wants mummy's milk...er..." She glanced around "Has anyone got a...cloth? I don't want to be indecent"
"Right here" Mrs Cake produced a pink patchwork tablecloth decorated with cupcakes "Pinkie made it herself"
"Ooh-ooh! Are you using my special tablecloth?" Pinkie watched intently at the awkward mother "You wanna' use it for a parachute? It's really fun! Last time I made it all the way to Carrot Top's. I landed right in her vegetable patch but luckily she'd already picked her harvest so nopony got mad at me. I still had to wash up really clean before I was allowed in the bakery again but-"
"Pinkie, you might not want to look" Mr Cake shielded the little filly's eyes.
"Alright, y'all give 'er some privacy" Big Mac declared and Derpy was politely ignored as she sat down, wrapped Dinky up in a sling at her chest and fed her.
"Aw...she’s really hungry. I shouldn’t have taken so long at the Town Hall"
"It's okay, Derpy" the Doctor put a hoof on her shoulder "So what did the Mayor want to talk about?"
"Oh...um..."
Derpy thought long about her aunt. What she'd done. What she could do.
She knew she had a foal.
She wanted to take away her foal.
"...the usual"
It hurt to lie.
That night, Derpy lay awake in her bed, her mismatched eyes staring at the ceiling.
The little walky-talky rested on the bedside drawer. She almost hoped something would cause Dinky to wake up and need her to sing a lullaby or hug her so that she could go to sleep again, just to give her a reason to get up and have some company.
Though her eyes were wide, she was dreaming.
No, not dreaming. Remembering.
Remembering how it felt to be part of a family.
She had been born and grown up in Cloudsdale, the city of pegasi. She'd always been clumsy but, being a foal, nopony paid it too much mind. In fact, they'd found it quite endearing, everypony offering to help her and keep watch as her mother and father revelled in the many joys and responsibilities of parenthood.
As she'd grown older however, ponies started making fun of her. Ponies her age who could fly without crashing into everything in sight.
But now and again they'd visit her mother's home, Canterlot. There she met her grandfather. And her aunt. And cousins. And many other ponies who weren't very sympathetic to a dopey young pegasus exploring the world.
But they were always there. Her parents. And with them came other good ponies, bringing friendship and harmony into Derpy's world.
"Whoops! Heads-up everypony!" The boisterous laughter of Can Doo rang across the garden party at Invitro Hall as a small grey winged foal failed another loop-de-loop and upset another plate of hors-d'oeuvres into another gaggle of humourless ponies.
"Celestia curse it, can't you keep that dolt under control!"
"Look what she's done to my hat! You've not heard the last of this!"
"Where is Count Stained! He's got some explaining to do!"
"I'm awfully sorry everypony, please don't leave just yet. I assure you, my father will put a stop to this" Young Magnifying Glass hushed the throng of angry nobles with a simpering smile, before storming over to her sister, who was holding out her hooves for her daughter. Her hug was always the one thing Derpy would land safely in.
"Why did you bring that! here!" Magnifying seethed through gritted teeth "Look what it's done! Do you know how much this is going to embarrass us?! If the Prince sees this!"
"Oh don't get so fierce, Niffy" Looking sighed as she cradled her dizzy little daughter.
"I told you not to call me that!" Magnifying growled "Where's father?"
"Right here and I'll thank you not to growl at my Ditzy" Can Doo landed before Magnifying and gave her an insolent smack on the flanks with one hoof.
" Gyargh!" Magnifying shrieked, jumping nearly a full foot in the air, barely containing her anger "How dare you! I'll have you in a cell for that, you cur!"
"Whoa! Cool your flanks, you crazy nag" the Wonderbolt chuckled, shrugging innocently "Just messing around! Pretty easy target, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often!"
"Can, stop flirting with my sister" Looking ordered, struggling not to snigger.
"Don't worry, Ditz, you know I only have eyes for you. And besides..." He sided up to his wife and gave her the same as her sister. She gave a whoop and broke into giggles "...you've always enjoyed that"
"Oh you dirty old clod, come here!" Looking threw her hooves round his neck and kissed him tenderly. Derpy, perched on her mother's shoulder, began playing in Looking Glass's pink and cyan-striped mane.
Magnifying glared at the two lovers and their clueless little offspring and, with a 'Bah!' she stormed off to find her father.
"Yes, yes, marvellous things, cabbages, marvellous. Yes, and the thing that makes them so marvellous is...well erm...well the trick is where exactly you plant it and-and-and...erm...well the marvellous thing is...er..."
Stained Glass was a merry soul, a middle-aged periwinkle-blue-coated unicorn stallion with a mild paunch that came with his age and status, a greying, wild-haired mop of a mane half-covered under his treasured bent old straw-hat and a pair of bizarrely wide glasses, appropriate for his family name and business. Nonetheless, he had a reputation around Canterlot for being a gormless, muddle-headed old stallion, rich in bits but poor in sense most of the time. A nice pony to know but not the best conversationalist. Half the time, not even he knew what he was talking about.
"You-you-you-you have to be careful or...or...oh dear, now something happens, something rather important which really shouldn't happen. No, hang on, if it shouldn't happen, why would it? But then if it doesn't happen then why is so important not to erm...oh dear, what were we talking about? Oh yes, cabbages, marvellous things, yes, yes...and you have to be careful because-"
"Father!" Magnifying Glass had found her father at last.
"Where?" He looked around a moment and finally found his daughter "Oh it's you, Niffy. Hello, Niffy! Enjoying yourself? Me and my friend here were...having a rather fruitful conversation...well, not fruitful, rather vegetable...ful...about cabbages, you see, marvellous things, you know you have to..."
"Father" Magnifying interrupted, gritting her teeth "You are talking to an ice sculpture"
"Am I?" he glanced at the figure he'd been talking to earlier to notice the swan-shaped ice sculpture resting in the punch bowl "Oh..." he paused sheepishly "I am...awfully sorry"
Magnifying stared in dismay as he continued talking to the swan.
"I am deeply, deeply sorry, my dear. I-I-I really shouldn't have made that comment about iceberg lettuces. Just as long as you understand. Er...ah...please feel free to enjoy the wine, my treat. Let's forget this happened and...oh dear..." he glanced at the punch bowl "I'm sorry, dear, you appear to have spilled your drink"
" Father!" Magnifying snapped again.
"Hello Niffy"
"Father, this has to stop"
"Oh yes, yes, no, yes, I quite agree, Niffy, yes. I quite agree..." Stained blustered with vigour before pausing, looking around and asking "What exactly has to stop?"
"Looking's foal!"
"Oh capital, yes, no, quite, no, c-capital!" Stained proclaimed "Looking's foal, yes. You know, I have a daughter called Looking and, don't you know, she had a foal, she-she...she must be nearly a few years old now, the most adorable little thing and such a very happy filly, such a treasure to me and my dear family"
"Father, she's making us look like fools!" Magnifying spoke through gritted teeth "She's ruining the décor and upsetting our guests. We could be due to lose standing"
"Oh, oh, oh, that's...that's...well...we'll have to walk on our knees then..." he chuckled before striding off for his fifth daily check on his beloved vegetable patch, leaving his daughter by the ice sculpture which was now steadily melting perhaps owing to the steam pouring out her ears.
"Milord" Ramekin, the presentable butler of the Glass family, appeared before Stained could successfully extricate himself from the social gathering.
"Ah, hello Ramekin, old chap, any...any news?"
"Yes milord. More guests have arrived"
"Oh capital!" Stained cried "Who exactly?"
"Sir Parsley, sir"
Stained's cheery face immediately contorted with indignation at the name of his arch-gardening-rival.
" Groagh! Wretched Parsley! I knew he'd try to weasel his way around here! Kick him up the backside and send him on his way!"
"Father, Sir Parsley is the local baronet" Magnifying Glass stepped in "To have him appear at our gathering brings the Glass family great pride"
"Pride? Pah! No pony worth their pottage would take pride consorting with that old charlatan, 'Ghastly' Parsley! Ramekin, is MacTrowel standing at the ready?"
"Mr MacTrowel is presently guarding his lordship's vegetable patch with a watchful eye, sir"
"With rifle and buckshot?"
"Cocked and ready as per your instructions, sir"
"Good stallion. I want him on high alert, do you understand? Tell him if Parsley or any of his despicable associates come near a single leaf on the Empress, shoot the blighter, without hesitatation, understand?"
"Father!" Magnifying gasped.
"I shall see to it that Mr MacTrowel receives his orders, sir. Also arriving are the Lord and Lady of Briefly Manor"
"Oh capital! I haven't seen them in years, yes...who are they again?"
"That would be Lord Pantaloon and Lady Petticoat and their son"
"Ah capital...I'll enjoy their company"
Derpy enjoyed riding her mother's shoulder. At eight and a half years old, she was still quite a small filly and, being a pegasus, was light. Looking enjoyed it as much as her daughter did as she walked with her husband over to greet her father.
"Hello, Lucky!" Stained called out "Hello...ah..." he paused at his son-in-law "Now, I remember now, it's something like...er...Mortimer?"
"It's Can"
"Ah, close then"
"...yeah, well done dad" Can chuckled and patted his father-in-law on the shoulder. Stained was quite unlike the aristocrats that were the stereotype of unicorns in the pegasus community. Stained looked highly upon the Wonderbolt that had won his daughter's heart. He also adored his granddaughter and allowed her to freely test out her wings throughout Invitro Hall. A broad smile appeared on his face and his grey eyes twinkled with joy as he noticed Derpy.
"Hello little one. Is she enjoying the gathering, little ah...Derpy? Yes?"
"That's right, father. Derpy loves the outdoors, don't you my little treasure"
Little Derpy gave a giggle and shook her head from side to side like a bell.
"Capital!" Stained chuckled, ruffling Derpy's blonde mane "We'll make a Wonderbolt of her yet, or anything else really, I should think it's up to her"
"Well said, pops" Can Doo nodded, patting him again.
"And now you must come with me. An old friend has arrived who I think she really must be introduced to...and vice versa"
They paced leisurely over to the topiary arch entrance to the grounds as three guests had arrived, unicorns, a husband, a wife, and a colt in his teens.
All three of them were well-dressed, prim and smiling warmly at the Glasses.
The stallion was black-coated with a short mane hidden underneath a top-hat and a light-blue moustache and beard, luminous on his coat, as sharp and clean-cut as his ivory-white suit. His eyes were a bright gold that shone like crown jewels.
The mare was porcelain white with a tumble of magenta mane running over her right shoulder. Her eyes were a deep blue that swallowed up those that looked into them in a blanket of contentment. She was dressed comparatively plainly in a purple hobble-dress and a small chapeau over the left side of her head.
Their colt stood between them, admiring the sight of the grounds. He possessed the porcelain coat of his mother and the blue mane of his father, parted in the middle and curling slightly over his ears. He was a few years younger than Can and Looking but looked quite a bit older thanks to the blue fuzz of a moustache he was growing. He was wearing a black jacket and, a strange fashion statement for his age, a monocle. As he turned in all directions, nearly spinning, as he took in the sight, the cutie mark of three crowns presented itself. To possess such a mark at this age, the colt was clearly a prodigy.
"Panty and Petty, my dear old chums, it's been so long!" Stained cheered with a mighty smile as he and the black stallion hugged like the age-old friends they were.
"Stained, I have missed the sound of your voice" he chuckled "I am terribly sorry our work in Trottingham's kept us away for so long"
"Think nothing of it, sir. Now, I simply must introduce the newest member of the Glass Family Household, my third and youngest granddaughter, Derpy Doo" And with that, he proudly turned them to face Looking, Can and Derpy.
They were quiet for a moment, taking in the sight, their faces betraying nothing, their opinions entirely ambiguous.
"I say" The colt said at last "She looks jolly bright. Doesn't she, father?"
"Indeed, my boy" The stallion replied without much hesitation, starting to smile at the foal and wave one hoof. Derpy did likewise with great enthusiasm, murmuring a greeting.
"'Sup" Can Doo gave the Wonderbolt salute.
"Hello everypony" Looking gave a curtsey, before taking Derpy off her shoulder, holding her in her hooves and introducing her.
"Derpy, these are three very special ponies who have been very good to us" She turned her to the stallion "This is Lord Pantaloon" She turned her to the mare "This is Lady Petticoat" And finally she turned her to the colt "And this is their son, Fancy Pants"
As Stained took Pantaloon and Petticoat off to discuss with them the marvel of cabbages, the young Fancy Pants smiled at Looking Glass warmly and kissed her hoof.
"Hello again, Looking, old thing. So sorry I've been away for so long"
"Oh I’ve missed you, Fancy" Looking turned to Can "Can, this is Fancy Pants, a dear family friend since our earliest days. Fancy, this is Can Doo, my absolute wonder of a husband"
"Delighted, dear chap"
"Yo" They shook hooves "So you and Ditzy go way back?"
"I'm sorry sir...Ditzy?"
"Her nickname. Me and my buddies called her that back on Cloudsdale"
“Ah...I hadn’t heard you’d gone to Cloudsdale”
“It happened while you were at Trottingham. I met Can at a Derby and he took me up to the city of pegasi himself”
“I remember, you always did love the clouds”
“I did indeed. Can was still in training at that point but...well...”
“With Ditzy around, I barely slipped up at all. Real good for my confidence” Can finished his wife’s sentence “Caught the eye of Wind Rider himself and the rest is history. It’s thanks to her I became a Wonderbolt”
“Well bravo, my dear chap” Fancy Pants nodded “And congratulations, both of you, on your charming foal”
“Thank you, Fancy. Just be a little careful around her. She’s still getting used to her wings and her balance isn’t fantastic”
“Family trait” Can shrugged “I was terrible in the air in my foal years. My brother Will was worse”
“Can’t be helped. No worry, I’m sure she’ll get the hang of it soon enough. Why I remember, and I’m sure Looking does in turn, I was never much of the excelsior myself when it came to unicorn magic”
“Ah, yes...I remember” Looking nodded with a hint of embarrassment “I still have no idea how you managed that. One moment you’re trying to turn that water into ice, next thing we know, the guests are running from the dressing room with a pink rhino charging for their flanks. And my father, of course, was laughing his head off”
“Indeed. One would never imagine, after that fiasco, I’d get into Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns”
“Whoa, nice break there” Can chuckled “So if you two were close when you were foals, I can only assume this is the part where you tell me ‘If You Break Her Heart, I’m Going To Ruin You Financially’, right?”
Fancy Pants gave a bray of laughter and adjusted his monocle.
“Oh no, old fruit, I see no need. I know Looking to be a wise mare and an excellent judge of character. If she has indeed chosen to marry and have a foal with you, I can therefore keep myself safe in the knowledge that you are, overall, a good egg, worthy of her hoof and I say good times to you all”
“Thanks...sir” Can scratched the back of his neck bashfully “You’re pretty cool, I gotta say, for a-”
“And besides...” Fancy Pants cut him off. His tone remained perfectly calm, relaxed and a little chirpy, as if complimenting one’s dress attire “If you, hypothetically of course, did break the heart of Looking who, for so many fondly-remembered years, has been such a good friend to me, you’d have far... far worse things to worry about than your finances...your blindness for instance...your consistent immolation...or perhaps even the modest collection of flying rhinos charging after you day and night, driven by a need to crush unfaithful stallions to a pulp. I believe that...my good sir...would take priority”
There was some small amount of silence.
Then Looking burst out laughing.
“Oh Fancy, you big softy!” She hugged him and then hugged her husband, neither of them quite comprehended her merriment.
“You’re good stallions, both of you. And I’m so lucky to be able to trust you, do you know that?” She kissed Can fondly on the cheek.
“I love you, darling”
Derpy, giggling with her mother, though she didn’t know why, made a leap for her father who caught her in her hooves and nuzzled her.
“Thanks Ditzy. I love you too” he said “And don’t you worry. I’m not going anywhere”
But he did in the end.
And so had mother.
After she’d grown up, grandfather Stained had been sent away to a special hospital and her aunt was in charge. When Stained had been around, Aunt Magnifying had wanted Derpy, or ‘Irregular’ as she insisted on calling her, kept inside out of sight.
And after that, when the house was, at last, hers, she wanted her niece gone. Where to and for how long, she did not say but Looking and Can had some idea and they did not like it.
But then they disappeared. Lost in a great storm. Magnifying assured Derpy that they would not be coming back and never once did she show pity or even sorrow. She just told her that Invitro Hall was her home and that ‘mistakes’ like her must earn their keep if they wanted to belong anywhere.
It had taken so many years to eventually work up the courage to leave.
Especially after what they did to her at that place.
Derpy felt her body wrack with sobs as she curled up on her bed.
Why didn’t they just give up? She was gone. Wasn’t that what they wanted? Weren’t they better off? Couldn’t they just say they didn’t know her? Why? Why was her aunt back? Why was she trying to stop her being happy? And why was she after-
She suddenly realised she wasn’t the only one crying. The walky-talky had started ringing as Dinky began to wail, woken in the night and not knowing where her mother had gone.
She was relieved that she had someone to take her mind off what it was going through right now. Stumbling out of bed, she made her way to Dinky’s room.
The light was on.
With a tightness constricting her heart, she rushed over and flung open the door.
“Calm down, love. You’ll get her agitated again”
The Doctor stood beside Dinky’s crib, the little foal settling down as she was gently rocked side to side in the stallion’s hooves.
“Er...” Derpy stared blankly “It...looks like you’ve got it covered”
“I dunno’, it seems like she might want you” The Doctor turned Dinky slightly to face her mother. At the sight of her, the foal gave a desperate burble and reached out with her tiny hooves.
Gratefully, the grey pegasus took the foal in her hooves and sat down on the nearby chair.
“You don’t have to stay here, you know” she said to the brown stallion.
“I want to stay, Derpy”
“No, no, I mean just, like...in here, in Dinky’s room. You can go back to bed if you want”
“I know. I want to stay and help. I’ve nothing better to do, and besides...” She placed a hoof on hers as Dinky started to close her eyes.
“I’m a responsible pony”
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Hours became days.
And those days would soon become a week.
She had only a week to say goodbye to the life she’d come to love.
Derpy sat awake in her bed in almost pitch darkness.
Her lopsided eyes simply wouldn’t close.
Days had passed. She’d lost track of just how many but she knew that, by the time the sun rose, it would be one less.
The weight of the knowledge hanging over her had set her in a never-ending gloom. The ponies around her had assumed it was simply fatigue and she was partly glad for that.
Knowledge would harm them. She kept on remembering her aunt’s words. She couldn’t tell anypony or even hint at it.
Day after day, she’d met friends, taken care of Dinky, asked the Doctor about his adventures and waited for the next day.
It was Tartarus.
Derpy tried in vain to close her eyes and keep them closed.
Supposing she just didn’t do as she said...
She glanced down at the angry, dark bruise on her foreleg.
That wasn’t an option. Her aunt was cruel to her even when she was on her best behaviour. And the last time she disobeyed her, they sent her to that horrible place.
Three months. Three months of being treated like a toy by the most depraved ponies she’d ever known. She had no wish to ever go near that place again.
Derpy took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, to no avail.
She lowered her head in resignation.
There was no way out of this. It was either give up her life or put the lives of others in danger.
It was the waiting that was the worst.
She rose from the bed and slowly made her way to Dinky’s bedroom. Her foal lay peacefully in her crib, untroubled by the perils of the world. Derpy nearly smiled at the sight of her. Carefully, she leaned down and kissed the week-old filly. Dinky gave a little fidget but remained sound asleep. Derpy turned and walked to the doorway.
She paused and looked back at the sleeping foal. Dinky gave a tiny and utterly adorable squeak as she dreamed.
She couldn’t leave her, no matter what.
She closed her eyes and resolved her predicament.
Her aunt could separate her from her friends.
But not her family.
Kissing Dinky once more, she went back to her bed and very swiftly found sleep in her tired misaligned eyes.
The Doctor swung groggily out of the ‘Timey-Wimey Box’ once it had materialised, muttering in a manner a non-observer would find utterly nonsensical.
“Ugh! I don’t want to see another talking, singing, child-murdering kangaraccoon for as long as I live! ‘Most of the ponies are soooo stupid’ my flank! A black hole was too good for him!”
Stepping into the living-room, immediately feeling refreshed, he threw off his coat and hat. He hadn’t lived long at Derpy’s flat but it had grown on him. He enjoyed staying here in Ponyville, talking to ponies, doing pony things and all it entailed. And Derpy herself? And her little foal...their little foal?
Life was truly magical with them around.
“Honey, I’m home!” the Doctor called out merrily “You’ll never guess the day I’ve had! Are you ready to hear how I defeated an army of vamponies with only a kilt and three slices of Battenberg?! You’re not going to believe it! I winded up at the Settling Solstice in Old Appaloosa and the Chief of the...”
He looked around. Derpy was nowhere to be seen. At this point, the grey, larger-than-life pegasus would be tumbling into the room with a hot muffin for her favourite time-turning friend. Dinky would be in her high-chair in the kitchen, happy and ever-curious.
The house was silent.
He’d never liked the silence.
“Derpy?” he called out “Derpy, are you here?”
He paced, hints of nervousness in his steps, as he approached the bedroom.
“Derpy...where are you?”
“Hi, Doc...” A mumble, little more than a whisper, came from within.
As the scruffy brown stallion entered, he resisted smiling as he saw Derpy lying upside-down on her bed, blanket and duvet similarly thrown about.
“Restless night, eh?” he asked.
“Yeah...you know” Her hoof waved in the air drearily “I really need to work on some good lullabies”
“Well, I know a few but most of them involve summoning star gods” the Doctor chuckled “I’m sure we can come up with something if we put our heads together”
“Last time we did that, we got concussion, remember?”
“Yes, there’s a difference between putting our heads together and crashing into each other in mid-air”
“Mailmare!”
Derpy made an effort to rose but ended up falling out of the bed and tangling herself up in the blankets.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get it”
Outside, the acting-mailmare knew Derpy had company when she heard somepony walk to the door without crashing into anything.
“Hi Doctor!” she said as the mysterious stallion opened the door.
“Wotcha’ Parasol!” he replied with a grin “Anything for me?”
“Yeah, there’s one letter to Derpy,” she hoofed it over “and there’s something for you but I think it’s a prank. That or you somehow made Princess Platinum really, really angry”
The Doctor laughed nervously, blushing in no small amount.
“Oh that Pinkie and her pranks, hahaha...whoo, classic” He took the letter, hid it in his coat and gulped.
“Well the Cakes need to find out where she learnt such language!” the butter-coloured pegasus said, frowning “There’s more swear words in there than in one of Berry Punch’s drunken songs and I only read the envelope!”
“I’m sure it’s just a phase, no need to...” The Doctor stopped as she saw Cherry Berry rushing for their house, her face a picture of fear and despair.
“Doctor! Parasol! Come quick!” She was practically screaming every word “It’s horrible! Oh Celestia, I can’t believe this has happened!”
“What is it, Cherry, what’s happened?!” Parasol asked as Derpy arrived in the living room behind them.
“It...” Cherry was beginning to sob “It’s Carrot Top! She’s been attacked!”
“Wha...” Derpy’s wall-eyes widened as she struggled to take in the words she’d heard “C-C-Carrot T-Top?”
“Derpy, wait here” The Doctor turned to her “If anything comes in, get Dinky and hide in the blue box. I promise I won’t be long”
Mayor Mare, or Merry Weather when she was at home, sat in her living room, warming her hooves by the fireplace.
After yesterday, today had turned out to be really quite chilly. Hearth’s Warming Eve would be around in two months time. She was making an effort to file and sign the necessary paperwork to arrange suitable festivities.
Lady Justice, Liddy for short, was in the kitchen, working on chestnut tarts, just the thing for a cold autumn morning brunch.
As far as the reports she was overlooking went, nothing was out of the ordinary.
She was thankful for that at least as her mind was preoccupied.
The matter of Derpy for one.
Lady’s work in Canterlot was also quite important. It wasn’t so much the cases themselves, though they were indeed most concerning, as much as the reason why she’d been called over. She and Liddy had talked this over and, as it turned out, the Lord Magistrate of Canterlot, who also happened to be the husband of Derpy’s atrocious aunt, had not even informed of this event. The Lord Magistrate was currently running for Council Chairstallion of Canterlot, a position that Fancy Pants held and very much wished to keep, but she had a feeling there was more to it than that.
Coincidently (She rather thought not) the same Lord Magistrate had been involved in a sexual harassment scandal of all things involving a Ponyville-born scholar at the School For Gifted Unicorns, Fleur de Lis. It had taken place mere days before Lady Justice had gotten Fancy Pants’s invitation. She’d done some research on this stallion, Nitpick. According to the more credible papers, he was corrupt to the core and a lecher to boot. This sexual harassment scandal was not the first. His influence had allowed him to escape justice time and time again but, either appeasing the outraged public or outright agreeing with them, Princess Celestia and the Royal Court had relied on him less and less. This may largely have been the reason he was running for Council Chairstallion in the first place, as a means of keeping the spotlight and restoring his reputation.
Well whatever they thought of him in Canterlot, what he tried to do to Fleur had turned him into Ponyville Public Enemy Number One overnight. The poor mare’s parents and many of her friends wouldn’t be satisfied with Nitpick getting anything less than a public whipping for this offence. And privately, Merry hoped that wouldn’t be entirely out of the question, remembering how Fleur had looked when she came to them that day. Weeping, terrified, traumatised, as if warped by the fiendish Discord, it sickened her to think that scum like Nitpick could get away with such crimes using their name and bits.
There was a knock on the door. It was hard and swift, imperative.
Merry got to her hooves, remembering her last uninvited guest and how much it had ruined her day.
“Oh, is that my persimmons?” she heard Liddy ask from the kitchen.
“I’ll check” Merry called back and answered the door.
“Mayor Mare! Mayor Mare!” Two earth pony mares, and stood in the doorway, panic-stricken and weeping.
“Calm down, I’m here. What’s the problem?”
“There...there’s been an attack, down the street!” Cried Shoeshine, a light blue racer, her periwinkle mane and tail quivering as she shook in her hooves with terror.
“It’s Senorita Carrot Top! She’s hurt real bad!” Wailed Pepperdance, a scarlet dancer whose parents had come over from Caballera, her moss-green eyes wide and blinking away tears.
“What?!” The Mayor stepped outside and took notice of a growing throng of horrified ponies outside Carrot Top’s house.
“It’s terrible!” Shoeshine whimpered “She’s been beaten bloody and the weather ponies said her house was on fire!”
“You need to come quickly!” Pepperdance gasped “Everypony’s going totally loco! Whatever did this might still be around!”
“What’s going on?” Lady Justice walked out, dressed in an apron and oven mitts.
“Liddy, I need to go out!” Mayor Mare declared before galloping to the commotion.
The Doctor and Mayor Mare met each other arriving at the scene.
Carrot Top’s beaten, bloodied form was hanging from the chimney, suspended by a rope around her front-hooves. Her head was lowered, her curly ginger mane hanging in strands as she swung morbidly.
Young Rainbow Dash stood panting upon a nearly drained raincloud as Cloud Kicker, Blossomforth, White Lightning and Sassaflash flew up to untie the injured mare.
“Let me through, quickly” Mayor Mare pushed herself through the crowd and spoke loud and clear.
“Who saw this happen? Anypony?! Quickly!”
“Um...excuse me?” Mayor Mare turned to see a small cream-coloured pegasus filly with a long pink-mane shuffle around on her hooves and speak in little more than a whisper.
“Yes?” Mayor Mare asked. She hadn’t spoken too loud or harshly but the filly shrunk back, trembling nonetheless.
“I’m sorry...to bother you but...I saw what happened...well...sort of...”
“Can you tell me exactly what happened?” The Mayor knelt to talk to her. The filly wasn’t too small but she somehow gave that impression nonetheless “I need you to speak clearly and quickly, if that’s alright”
“Okay...um...” The filly took a deep breath and recollected events “Me and Angel Bunny, he’s my pet rabbit by the way, we’d gone on a walk and we were just coming home down that way,” she gestured to the road leading up from Sweet Apple Acres “Angel started coughing which usually means there’s smoke and, when I looked down the pathway, I saw there was a fire starting in the back of Carrot Top’s house...and a pony was running away”
“Can you describe this pony?”
“He...he was...dark...green-coated, I think...in a black coverall...he looked very tough, not huge muscles like Big Mac or Bulk Biceps but...hard...if that makes sense...he was actually quite scary”
“Which way did he run?” Mayor Mare asked.
“Um...into town, down the alleyway leading to the boutique”
“What did you do then?”
“Well...when I saw the fire, I ran to get Rainbow Dash. I know she’s a really good weather pony and I thought it might put out the fire. So...I got Rainbow Dash...and she put out the fire before it got bad...and that’s when I saw...oh...” she started tearing up and quivering in a heap on the ground “Oh Carrot...poor, poor Carrot Top”
“It’s alright, little one” Mayor Mare said, patting her on the head “You did very well. And you too, Miss Dash. Thank you for getting here when you did” She addressed the ever-eager weather pony landing before them.
“No problem, Mrs Mayor!” he said, before giving her trembling friend a hug “You did good getting everypony here, Fluttershy. I’m proud of you. That was a very brave thing you did”
“Um...thank you, Dash” That brought a small smile to her face.
Derpy sat on the stool by Dinky’s crib, looking over the single piece of mail she’d been sent.
The envelope had been largely empty but for her name, unlike last time, but she recognised her aunt’s handwriting.
Steadily, the sounds of the crowd outside barely audible in the room, she slid open the envelope and opened up the letter.
I’m losing patience.
Consider this a warning. To you and your town.
Come home at once.
Her hoof started shaking as her teeth grinded together to breaking-point and one of her misaligned eyes began to twitch.
With a scream of unbridled fury, she ripped up the letter and stomped the torn shreds into the floor with her hooves, yelling every bad word she knew.
That monster she called her aunt had hurt one of her friends.
As a warning.
She hated her. She hated her more than anything in existence, more than she thought possible. Why couldn’t she just leave her alone? Why couldn’t she...
The sound of Dinky beginning to cry snapped her out of her rage-driven state. She leant over the cradle to see her foal staring at her with her perfect amber eyes filled with fear.
“Oh my little muffin...I’m sorry” Derpy mumbled “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not. I promise” She gently reached forward to pick her up. Dinky was hesitant at first, squirming backwards in her crib, but as Derpy touched her, the little foal soon understood that if her mother wanted to hurt anything, it wasn’t her. Her mother’s hooves were warm and kind, always.
She settled down almost immediately as Derpy held her close, cradling her.
Tears fell from the grey pegasus’s cheeks as guilt gripped her heart.
This was her fault.
Carrot Top had been hurt because of her.
And there was only one way to set it right.
‘I’m sorry, everypony’ she thought aloud, shutting her wall-eyes tight ‘I can’t do this anymore’
The four pegasi mares lowered the body of Carrot Top to the ground and checked her.
Cloud Kicker gave a relieved sigh.
“She’s alive...thank Celestia!” she gasped.
“Get Doctor Horse and the Heart sisters, quickly!” Blossomforth cried.
“Let me see, please” Mayor Mare got a closer look.
Carrot Top had clearly taken a beating. Her body was a patchwork piece of bruises and cuts. Below her shoulder was an angry, cracked burn of sorts that still smoked. Despite this, her body wasn’t severely burned.
The calmest ponies in the crowd took a closer look.
“Those are definitely hoof-marks” Caramel said grimly.
“I’ve seen burns like this one before. My dad’s in the Manehattan police department” Sassaflash added, horrified “That’s a taser burn!”
“...help...me...” It was a relief to some that Carrot Top was speaking “...why...why...talk to me...why...”
“Carrot, can you hear me?” Nurse Redheart pushed her way to the injured mare and spoke calmly, getting out her first-aid kit “You’re going to be fine. Doctor Horse is on his way. Do you remember anything?”
Watching the scene, unfold, the Doctor slowly became aware of a tugging at his coat. He looked down to see a small white rabbit frantically gesturing to his house.
“Angel, something wrong, mate?” He bent down and turned his ear to the little critter.
“What do you mean gone? ” Having said that out loud, he lurched to hit hooves, bolt upright and sped off.
“Derpy!” he yelled.
With Carrot Top lying so badly injured, the Doctor’s retreat didn’t attract too much attention.
Mayor Mare however had not ignored it. A cold feeling gripped her insides.
Something was definitely not right.
The chestnut tarts were almost done.
Unfortunately, Lady Justice’s usual cooking enthusiasm had been severely diminished. She desperately wanted to come out and see what had happened. But her wife had kept her here for a reason. Too many ponies in a small and dangerous space was a sure-fire way to find trouble. She sat on the edge of the table, twiddling her mitt-clad hooves as she waited for the news.
At last, the heard the door open, close and lock in the hall.
“Merry” she walked briskly out the kitchen “What in Equestria’s going on out there? Please tell me Carrot’s al-”
She stopped and stood stock-still, her wide indigo eyes fixed on the pony in front of her.
He was a green earth-pony with a close-cropped sandy-blonde mane and a slim but muscular build. He was wearing a tight brown coverall with several belts, each containing a variety of munitions and weapons.
His face was what got her attention. His eyes were a dull yellow and looking straight at her in the most unsettling way. He was smiling. And it was not the smile of a good pony.
“Who are you?” Lady Justice struggled to keep calm. She was alone, in the house, with a dangerous pony “Why are you in my house?”
The stallion’s eyes gleamed and his grin grew wider as he slowly paced toward the mare before him.
She took a step back and took a deep breath that quivered in her throat.
“It was you, wasn’t it...” Her voice was little more than a whisper.
He smiled some more.
She didn’t like that smile.
She chanced it, throwing a punch with her left front-hoof. She felt it caught in the stallion’s right. He eyed her hoof with a glance that suggested either contempt or eagerness as he pressed it forward.
Lady Justice gave a cry of pain as her hoof was forcibly bent back in a way it wasn’t supposed to, giving a series of small but prominent cracks. Falling to one knee, she looked up to the intruder turn his head sideways, his eyes still set on her, as he unsheathed a thick, menacing machete from over his shoulder, gripping it in his teeth as his smile widened. He gave a hiss as he backed her up.
Lady felt the hard wood of her wife’s desk behind her as the stallion moved in, throwing out his front legs to his sides as if to highlight how futile sidestepping would be.
She was trapped in the middle of the living room, completely at his mercy.
“Stop! Please, put that down!” she pleaded, crouching against the desk “What do you want! Why are doing this!”
The stallion gave another slow hiss as his machete edged toward her neck.
“No...stop...” She shut her eyes tight “Stop!”
“Excuse me?”
Lady Justice and her assailant both turned their heads to see Mayor Mare standing in the bathroom doorway behind them, a concerned look on her face as she gently stepped forward. The expression on the stallion was irritated in a way that looked almost feral, as if she’d interrupted something he’d been waiting his whole life to do.
“I don’t think we’ve been introduced” She held up a hoof in greeting “My name is Mayor Merry Weather, ponies around town just call me Mayor Mare” She paused, placing one hoof on her desk “What should I call you?”
Her hoof fumbled idly at a drawer doorknob.
There was a click and, with an undignified scream, the stallion disappeared into an open trap-door in front of the two mares. The scream went long and grew quiet until a collection of crashes and smashes sounded from below, suggesting he’d landed in an area predominantly filled with hard detritus.
Lady Justice looked at her wife as one would toward Laurelore come to earth as Merry Weather peered into the hole and called down.
“An ambulance, perhaps?!”
Ponyville’s Mayor erupted into a hearty, satisfied cackle as her relieved wife gasped for air.
“Wh...wha...” Lady Justice stammered incredulously “Who has a trap-door in front of their desk?!”
“Somepony who really hopes Countess Magnifying Glass will return one day” Merry Weather answered before closing the trap, walking round and hugging her wife tenderly “Are you alright, darling?”
“Yes, yes, I’m...I’m fine” She at last found her breath “Oh you’re a marvel, Merry!”
“Liddy...I’m so happy you’re safe”
They kissed rapidly, glad to be alive.
Before they could sufficiently bask in the tender moment, the door was subject to a series of lightning-fast knocks.
Rolling her eyes, Merry rushed over to the door and answered.
“Hello?”
“She’s gone!”
Mayor Mare took in the sight of the Doctor, leaning against the doorway, gasping for air. He was dishevelled, wide-eyed, looking older than he had ever done in his unknown lifespan. His face was twisted with despair. Tears were noticeable in his eyes and running down his cheeks.
“Doctor?” she asked worriedly.
“It’s Derpy! She’s only gone and bloody left me! And she’s taken Dinky!” he gasped
“Come on inside, quickly” Merry gestured him inside. The Doctor stumbled on the way in, too confused to focus, and found the chair to a desk “Sit down here and tell us everything”
“Doctor?” Liddy got to her hooves, obligingly collecting herself for sake of helping another do the same “What on earth happened?”
“I can’t...I don’t...” he held his head in his hooves and screamed “I DON’T KNOW!”
“Here” The Mayor opened the desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of brandy and three glasses. She poured one for the guest and hoofed it to him.
“Drink this and tell us what happened, take your time. I won’t be a moment” Liddy said in a gentle tone, taking a moment to nip back into the kitchen to retrieve the chestnut tarts before they burned.
“There...” The Doctor drank the brandy, allowed himself to settle, and spoke in an exhausted fashion “There isn’t anything to say...Angel, Fluttershy’s pet rabbit, told me Derpy was gone”
“You speak rabbit?” Merry Weather asked before regretting it “Sorry, stupid question. Carry on”
“Right, well, that’s it really. When I got back to Derpy’s flat, she and Dinky had disappeared. I thought they’d hid in my machine but, when I got there, she'd left this on its door”
He pulled out a small piece of paper with messy crayon writing that Merry knew at once to be Derpy’s.
The paper was stained in tears.
I can’t stay.
I’m a danger to you. Now more than ever.
Go to the Mayor for help but please don’t come looking for me.
It’s better this way.
Thank you for being so nice to me.
I’ll miss you all so much.
I’m so sorry I have to go.
But I promise I’ll take care of Dinky.
Goodbye Ponyville.
Goodbye Doctor.
“What does it mean?” The Doctor’s eyes were moist and darting about rapidly “What does she mean by ‘help’?”
Mayor Mare gave a nearly silent groan and placed a hoof on that of the Doctor’s.
“Doctor” she began “I’m afraid something very serious has been going on. Derpy wanted this kept secret but...I think you need to know”
Little by little, Mayor Merry Weather and Lady Justice related the sordid background behind Derpy Doo, the threats that had been made by her family, the promises the council had kept.
By the end, the Doctor could do nothing but stare into his brandy glass which was shaking in his hooves as his dull eyes blazed with anger.
“Why...” he growled at length “Wasn’t...I...Told?!”
“Derpy didn’t want this knowledge to hurt anypony she cared about”
“HURT?!” The Doctor narrowly resisted the urge to hurl the brandy glass at something close by as he shook his hooves in the air dementedly “SHE’S GONE, MERRY! DERPY IS GONE! AND SO IS DINKY!”
“Doctor, please calm down, I know you care about Derpy and Dinky very much”
“WHADYA’ MEAN VERY MUCH?! SHE’S MY FOAL! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO...” He stopped mid-rant, gurgling slightly as both the mare stared with jaws hanging a clear foot below their faces.
He facehoofed.
“Ah...piddle!”
“She’s your WHAT?!” Lady shrieked at the top of her voice.
“Now look, I can explain”
“You’re damn right you can explain, right now! Have you any idea-”
“Ponies, please!” Merry Weather, while at home, didn’t often use her typical Mayor ‘manner’ but she did so in this case in an effort to calm those around her.
“Now is not a good time for this. Doctor, I think we’ve found Carrot Top’s attacker”
“Really?” the Doctor glanced around “Where is he now?”
“Buried in a mountain of recyclables, I believe” the Mayor shook her head, preparing for a long and arduous day “Bring first-aid and guards. We need to get to the bottom of this. If this attack and Derpy’s troubles aren’t connected, I’m going to drink my own hair dye!”
“You use hair dye?” The Doctor asked as Merry glanced round innocently and replied with amazing swiftness.
“No. No hair dye round here. Nopony mentioned hair dye. Never seen it, never heard of it. You’re imagining things. Crazy old stallion. Moving on”
The stallion woke up with aches all over, not helped by the fact that he was tied to a chair and surrounded by very angry ponies.
Having retrieved the assailant from below her house and tied him up in her cellar, Mayor Mare had swiftly summoned the town council and told them to bring something that could be used as a weapon. To say this unnerved them would be putting it lightly but when Lady Justice had added that they’d caught the pony who’d assaulted Carrot Top, their consciences had very much eased themselves. It was amazing when they thought about it. On any normal day, the idea of inflicting violence upon another was something that repulsed and frightened them no matter what. But the moment a friend was threatened, arms of all kinds were drawn and ready in the blink of an eye. This stallion had hurt a very dear friend and had intended to continue doing so with others. This was not a pony they liked in the slightest. They were in agreement that something very bad should happen to him.
They now surrounded him, all armed with a variety of convenient objects. Mayor Mare had her old trophy-winning baseball bat from her school days, Tall Order had a golf club, Lady Justice had her gavel, Miss Cheerilee had a yard stick, Pokey Pierce had an ornamental blade, Colgate had a pair of pliers, Roseluck had a rake and so on. All present and correct seemed very much ticked off.
“Let me explain something to you, young stallion” the Mayor began.
“When you come into our town, assault an innocent mare, leave her to die in a fire, break into my house and threaten my wife...” She took a deep breath “...you’re going to find yourself in an awful lot of trouble”
The prisoner took in the angry ponies around him and tilted his head with an expression that suggested he wasn’t impressed.
Aside, the Doctor was examining the items confiscated from the prisoner. A variety of knifes, bolts, a crossbow, a recently-used taser and explosives. He’d found strontium sticks, flammable devices that had surely been used to start the fire at Carrot Top’s.
“We want answers and we want them now. What were you doing here? Why target Carrot Top?”
The prisoner said nothing. He simply gazed at them with that dry, sardonic look.
“GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES ALONE WITH HIM!” The prisoner jerked his neck at the ceiling to look into the blazing red eyes of Bulk Biceps who’d appeared behind him, cracking his hooves and billowing steam out of his nostrils.
The smug look on his face steadily faded. Not even he fancied his chances with the enormous white pegasus.
“So you know what you’re up against” Colgate said “So why aren’t you talking?”
“He can’t” The Doctor left his examinations and approached the prisoner.
“Open your mouth” he commanded.
The stallion in the chair smiled, as if it was he who was in control, and obliged.
“Holy...Firsticorn!” Roseluck gasped.
“That is messed up!” Pokey Pierce blanched.
“What the hay happened to him?” Raindrops exclaimed.
The prisoner had no tongue. In his open mouth was simply a stiff, fleshy grey stump. The Doctor nodded, his hunch confirmed.
“That’s what they do” he said “The Echo Squad”
“Who?” Colgate asked.
“Anypony here heard of them?” The Doctor surveyed the room.
“I have” Pokey Pierce put up a hoof, a worried look on his face “History studies”
“Same here” Lady Justice and Tall Order put up their hooves.
“Right, for those of you who haven’t had the immense displeasure of knowing them,” the Doctor began “the Echo Squad is a particularly infamous mercenary group”
“Mercenary Group?” Raindrops asked quizzically. The Doctor wasn’t entirely surprised that the unwarlike Ponyville was unfamiliar with the concept.
“An army for hire, essentially. A practice that largely fell out of favour after the Second Age of Magic. When Rememberly the Bonnycorn was exiled, the patricians of the high-ranking noble families known as the High Hooves took control of most of Equestria, hiring a large mercenary army to keep order. After the common ponies rebelled to found the pegasus, earth pony and unicorn kingdoms, the High Hooves ran out of money and the army turned on them, sacking the capital. Years later, in the chaos that followed, the mercenary army itself split into many factions, the Echo Squad among them. After Laurelore restored the Alicorn Monarchy, the Echo Squad found work largely among anarchist factions across history from Tirek to Discord to who knows what else. Now they largely serve the highest bidder. They’re not really an organised army any more, most of them quit and went freelance in the wake of so many defeats. But still, ex-members or even unofficial members are prized among those needing somepony else to do their dirty work”
“But why do they have no tongues?” Roseluck gagged, green-faced.
“It’s their main selling point and how they got their name. Their most defining trait and the reason they’re so well sought after is their guarantee for secrecy, practically built-in. As an initiation exercise, Echo Squad members cut out their own tongues so that if they are ever captured, like this stallion right here, they can’t very well give away their colleagues or employers, even if they wanted to. They even perform a brainwashing spell which robs them of the ability to read and write so they can’t even spell their secrets”
“Sheesh...” Colgate said, grimacing “Who’d hire ponies like that?”
“Someone who can afford them. Mercenaries, by their very nature, are loyal only to your bits so the safety and novelty in hiring somepony literally unable to sell you out is a pretty good system. If a mercenary group can be loyal, even involuntarily, they’re worth a pretty price” He looked the prisoner in the eye “Still, this one seemed a little poor on the planning. No disguise? Letting your victims see you? Letting your victims live? I’ve got a feeling somepony got swindled” He smiled as the mercenary grimaced noticeably “Oh the old grey Squad, she ain’t what she used to be” He resisted the urge to do the jingle “You’re only second-rate goods aren’t you. All the proper members are either employed or dead. Or are you just trying to impress the mares back home?”
The stallion growled like a wolf.
“Thought so. This isn’t a genuine Echo Squad member” The Doctor said.
“So what is he?” Cheerilee asked.
“He is, essentially, a fancolt. The Echo Squad were some of the highest-paid ponies in the land, back in the day. You get the odd copycat, now and again” The Doctor’s comment earned him a snarl from the prisoner “So...who sent you?”
The stallion looked away. The Doctor sighed.
“You probably wonder how Echo Squad fell apart, don’t you” he said “It must have been strange to hear about it. These big, rich, tough, fearless, highly trained killers suddenly turning on themselves in the blink of an eye, going mad and fleeing Equestria forever? You know why that happened?” The Doctor paused and leaned forwards, staring the would-be assassin dead in the eyes.
“They hurt some friends of mine”
The stallion raised one eyebrow.
“You don’t believe me?” The Doctor reached inside his coat “That wand they said was wielded by the pony who broke the Echo Squad. The wand that could open doors, break weapons, blow up machines and, in the middle of the barracks, call down the sight of a supernova to strike them blind and trap them forever with their worst nightmares?” He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and showed it to the stallion.
“Ta-dah...” His voice was deadpan and emotionless but the so-called mercenary drew back in his chair as a pony would from a dangerous animal or even a blazing fire, fear apparent on his hard features.
“I think I made my point”
The time-travelling pony replaced his screwdriver in his coat pocket “Okay, you may not be able to speak but you can still hear. Were you the one who attacked Carrot Top?”
The stallion paused, scowled at the ponies surrounding him, and nodded.
“Okay. Were you trying to get to Derpy?”
The stallion looked at him quizzically.
“The grey, blonde pegasus with the lopsided eyes”
The stallion made a clueless face and shook his head.
The Mayor tried a different tactic.
“What about Irregular Glass, have you heard of her?”
The stallion shook his head.
“TWO MINUTES ALONE WITH HIM!” Bulk Biceps insisted.
“No, there’s no point” The Doctor looked resigned “He knows that what he did to Carrot Top and trying to kill Ponyville’s own judge won’t go down well in court and he’ll get worse if his boss finds out he blabbed. He’s got no reason to lie to us. He’s biting the dust no matter what he says” He turned back to the prisoner “So if you weren’t after Derpy, who were you after?”
The stallion, his hooves tied behind his back, craned his neck and gestured as best he could to Mayor Mare.
“Wait, he was after the Mayor?” Raindrops asked “I thought Carrot Top was his target”
“If that was the case, Raindrops, then Carrot Top would be dead and buried where no-one could find her” The Doctor said, with a hint of loathing “What he did to her was little more than a distraction”
“Distraction?!” Tall Order barked indignantly “She was beaten half to death and hung from a burning building!”
“With exactly the desired effect. Everypony crowded around and the Mayor left her house unguarded. He would’ve snuck in, largely unnoticed, killed or incapacitated Lady, waited for the Mayor to return and dealt with her”
“Dear Celestia! What sort of pony does that?”
“It’s another of their calling-cards” the Doctor said “Two-thousand, three hundred and eighty-two years ago, they were hired to hunt down a weather pony in Boulette City. They lured him out...by burning the city to the ground”
The ponies shook their heads. This day had diminished their sense of innocence a great deal. They were always aware things were bad in the old times, when evil forces sought to overthrow the Princesses, but the thought of ponies still wishing to emulate those forces, in the modern day, frightened and disgusted them.
“Okay so your target was the Mayor. Why?”
The mercenary shrugged.
“Were you hired by the Glass family?” Lady Justice asked. It was met with curious looks from the ponies around her and a dismissive shrug from the mercenary.
“Do you know who hired you?” The Doctor asked.
The mercenary shook his head.
“But that would mean you’d need a paymaster”
The mercenary nodded, smiling.
“But...the Echo Squad hasn’t had a paymaster since it fell apart. Who could have given you the job?”
The mercenary paused and tugged at his bonds.
“Bulk, undo one of his hooves. Keep a close eye on him”
Bulk Biceps looked uneasily at the Doctor and their prisoner but begrudgingly obeyed. The mercenary didn’t try freeing himself, instead pointing slowly toward a barrel in the cellar. All eyes looked at him like he was crazy.
“You’re thirsty?” Colgate asked.
The mercenary rolled his eyes and pointed again to the barrel, then to a nearby first-aid box, his hoof tapping at the word ‘aid’, then waved his hoof in a circle motion in front of him.
“You want us to get drunk...and...take our medicine?” Raindrops asked worriedly.
The mercenary was glad he could facehoof. He looked to see if the Doctor had worked it out.
Sure enough, the scruffy brown stallion’s mind looked busy.
“Alright, I’ll need to look into this” he said at last “Take him to the holding cell and send for the Royal Guard”
“Wait, what did he mean?” Mayor Mare asked as Bulk Biceps led the mercenary away “A barrel...and a first aid kit...and a...what on earth was he talking about?”
“I’ll look into it. In the meantime...” he took a deep breath, afraid to go back to the subject “I need to go...settle some things”
Mayor Mare and the town council watched with concern as the normally delightfully quirky stallion stumbled back to Derpy’s flat.
He slammed the door shut behind him and practically fell onto a nearby couch. He held his head in his hooves, closed his eyes and he could have sworn he was weeping.
His past was catching up to him.
And it was about to hurt Derpy.
He remembered the look on the mercenary’s face as he gave his hints.
A barrel. A Cask .
Aid .
All of Us .
This did not bode well.
He regretted it. He regretted every moment he’d thought staying would be good for Derpy. He should have just let her be and get on with her life with her friends. He should’ve...
It was in that moment he looked up and noticed that resting on the arm of the couch was a little soft toy.
A pegasus pony with the little googly eyes that rolled around.
It belonged to Dinky.
Getting to his feet, he massaged his temples.
‘Get it together, you thick cretin!’ he snapped at himself ‘Dinky and Derpy are worth all regret! Never forget that! You’ve faced far worse things than this on your bank holidays for Rememberly’s sake! You’re going to get through this. You’re going to own up, first things first. You’re going to get help from Ponyville, from Celestia, from everypony you can and then you’re going to find them...Well don’t ask me how, you’re the boss of that! But you’re going to think of something...and it’s gonna’ be fantastic!’
*
At Invitro Hall, a quill rose from an inkwell, levitated by carmine magic, and signed the waver.
“Let’s hope this is worth the expense” Countess Magnifying Glass sneered to her guest.
“It’s a comparatively modest sum” The guest said in a relaxed tone “Last time, I remember I asked for nearly ten times as much”
“Last time required no small amount of time, resources and planning”
“And we accomplished those requirements. Two very important Canterlot ponies, dangerously close to undoing everything you’d formulated all these years...” The guest drew a hoof across thin air “Out of the picture. Ponyville is going to be a cakewalk”
“You’re quite certain this won’t come back to bite us”
“Certain as ever. The Echo Squad is still very dependable. And if even if my employee somehow manages to shame their reputation, I’ll deal with it myself”
There was a pause.
“Very well. From now on, you’ll monitor our political campaigns”
“I’m not much of a politician”
“Neither is my husband. I don’t need you to do anything you’re not used to. Just look out for any more spies and make examples of them as you did before”
“Understood, my lady” The guest rose and gave a bow “I am yours to command”
“I am very glad to hear it...Mr Cascadius”
Author's Note
Yeah, I just keep finding new ways to make my viewers hate Derpy's aunt, don't I?'Two Very Important Canterlot Ponies' the Countess had 'Put out of the picture' last time.
The photography set was bright and spacious yet it somehow seemed crowded.
Fleur gazed around as she walked in, Fancy Pants graciously holding the door for her. There were ponies of all sorts rushing to and fro, carrying equipment and costumes.
“Well...this looks nice” she said brightly “So your photographer friend works here?”
“She works wherever she pleases” Fancy Pants said, grimacing “I should warn you though, my dear, she’s really rather...severe”
“Oh trust me, Fancy, I’ve met fashion icons you wouldn’t want to share a moment with, I’m sure she’s nothing...”
Fleur’s optimism was cut short by the sound of a bizarrely accented mare bellowing at the top of her voice, causing all present in the room to jump in the air with shock.
“HOW MANY TIMES MUST I...PHOTO FINISH...TELL YOU?! NO INSOLENT JOURNALISTS IN ZE CHANGING ROOMS! OUT!”
There was a smash and a screaming pony in a trench coat and hat flew across the room at out the door like a bullet, scattering pilfered photos and a few teeth.
Fleur turned to her companion with a look of uncertainty. Fancy Pants shrugged guiltily.
“And perhaps a little...high-strung”
“Maybe we should...”
“VAIT! WHO HAS ENTERED?!” The crowd parted to reveal an eccentric-looking sky-blue earth pony mare with a prominent snow-white fringe and bright pink goggles stepped forward. At the sight of the newcomers, her tight expression brightened somewhat but did nothing to level her imperiousness.
‘Do I hear music’ Fleur thought ‘Where’s that coming from? And who keeps cracking that whip?’
“Ah...Meister Fancy Pants” The Photographer boomed “Your coming here is a blessing in disguise, yes! For you see I...Photo Finish...am starved of intelligent company unt completely surrounded by high maintenance ponies”
Behind her, her crew muttered among themselves incredulously.
“It’s very nice to see you...Photo Finish” The gentlecolt forced himself to smile “Should...Should we come back later?”
“No. Foolish question. It is a trying time but...” She took a deep breath “Pressure makes diamonds, as zey say” She sniffed loudly and looked to Fleur “And...Who is zis?”
“This, Photo Finish, is Fleur de Lis, a dear friend of mine from Ponyville who is interested in the modelling circle. We wondered if you could help us?”
“I see” She gestured with her hoof “Come here” Her tone was brusque and humourless but Fleur nonetheless walked forward and presented herself. The photographer looked her up and down and hummed aloud, clearly intrigued by her build.
“Um...so could I...”
“Shh” The photographer hushed her as one would a dog and slowly paced round her in a circle. The slim unicorn felt somewhat uncomfortable as Photo Finish stared at her, or perhaps into her, for prolonged periods of time.
At last she took a deep inhale through her nostrils and spoke.
“Ze set...Now”
Fleur took long, careful steps to the set, turning to Fancy who gave her a small smile of encouragement.
“Alright” Fleur said as she stood in the centre of the set “Do you want me to...”
“Shh” Photo Finish stood behind a camera and adjusted her goggles “Do not speak. Feel”
“Um...pardon?”
“Pose, foolish mare! Now!” She squawked.
With a jump, Fleur instinctively flew to the first pose that came to her, holding one foreleg and looking over her shoulder in a thoughtful, almost plaintive image.
There was a pause.
“Interesting....” Photo Finish mused aloud, taking several photos “More!”
She followed up with the classic
Fleur slipped her hoof behind her head and brushed at her mane while raising one of her back hooves to signify a casual expression.
“Ha!” Photo Finish exclaimed “One more, somezing special!”
Quick-thinking and rather getting into the flow of things, Fleur flew onto her front and placed her hooves above her neck while raising both her back-hooves in a show of winsome pondering. She turned her flank slightly up and curled her tail over her thigh.
Photo Finish took several photos, the flash cracking and snapping like fireworks, and then the set was silent.
Fancy Pants couldn’t help but feel flustered throughout the entire event. Steadily, he approached the set and addressed Photo Finish who was already sending the film to a nearby attendant.
“So...ah...how is she?”
“How is she vhat , Meister Fancy Pants?” Photo Finish asked curtly.
“Well, ah...” He cleared his throat “Will you take her on...as a model...so to speak?”
There was a pause. Photo Finish took another deep inhale through her nostrils.
“She...” she declared “Vill...Do” She spun round and addressed a wide-eyed Fleur.
“From now on, you, madam, vill be vorking as a fashion star for I...Photo Finish!
“R-really?”
“Yes, really” she huffed as if the answer was obvious “I believe you are...most adequate, madam. You have...ze magicks!”
Fleur got to her hooves “Well I...thank you so much, Miss Photo Finish. I’m glad I met your expectations”
“Yes, yes, very good, I congratulate you on your good fortunate, happy-happy joy-joy viz ze tvinkly-lights, yes” She held her hoof in the air and paused for a moment before continuing “Vhat...is your name?”
“Fleur, Miss Finish, Fleur de Lis”
“Ach yes!” That brought a smile to the photographer’s face “A most acceptable name for an icon. You vill go far, Miss Fleur” She gestured to an attendant who handed her a couple of forms.
“Answer any and all necessary details, send them to us within the week and we shall give you a full working schedule” She bowed and moved back into the crowd as Photo Finish turned to the exit.
“Ve are done here! Move!”
She and her crew positively marched out the building but not before she’d caught a word with the gentlecolt, who was mopping his brow with a handkerchief.
“I zank you for sending zis mare to me, Meister Fancy Pants”
“Oh ah...no trouble at all, I am tremendously grateful to you for accepting her”
“Rest assured, I...Photo Finish...vill help her shine across all of Eqvestria” She turned away and entered a pre-racing stance.
“I go!”
And the photographer and everypony with her were gone.
“Well...” Fancy Pants took a long exhale “That went...better than I expected. Are you alright, my dear?”
“Yes...Yes!” The gentlecolt stumbled back in surprise as the newly-accepted model wrapped her hooves around his shoulders and hugged him tight “Thank you! Thank you so much!”
“You’re not...put off?”
“Of course not!” Fleur nuzzled his snout with hers tenderly “I mean she’s a pain in the flank, that’s plain to see, but if she’s willing to give me a chance and put me out there on the covers, I can take it!”
Fancy took a moment to gaze at Fleur with admiration. She truly was a determined mare.
“That’s very good to hear” he said proudly.
Fleur brushed her mane in thought.
“So...where to now?” she asked.
“Well...I’m afraid I don’t have any reservations for today and...” Fancy’s face and tone curdled “Sir Cumbersome is planning another rally in the street this afternoon and I’d rather avoid that”
“If he’s that awful stallion who’s friends with the Magistrate, so would I”
There was another awkward pause which was becoming quite common between the two.
“Well, it’s a rather silly thought but...” Fancy said, trailing off.
“But?”
“I just, ah...” He took a shot at it “If you’d like to have lunch at my estate...perhaps...I like to feel I keep a good dwelling, as it were, and I’m sure my household would be very welcoming toward you”
Of all the things about Fleur, Fancy Pants was certain that her smile was the most beautiful.
“I would like that very much” she said at last, taking one of his hooves in hers.
“What was that?”
Fleur gave Fancy a quizzical look.
“What?”
“I just noticed...back before you asked where we were going, I do believe you were...posing”
“Oh, was I?” Fleur glanced around, embarrassed “Well I...I practice a lot in the mirror” She sighed “Fancy...I’m not going to lie...I have always been a bit...vain...most of the time...I just thought you should know”
“Fleur, don’t be like that” He gently tilted her chin up “We all have our flaws, even the best of us. And besides, if you are, as you claim, a vain mare, I’d say such feelings aren’t unreasonable”
Fleur stifled a giggle, blushing furiously.
“Stop it, Fancy, you’re such a flatterer”
“There you go, that’s my flaw, hardly my worst either” he chuckled “And besides, when we were at that garden party yesterday, I didn’t hear you once complain about ruining your hooficure on the grass or insects flying near your mane and that puts you very high on the ‘Most Modest And Considerate Models I’ve Met Thus Far’ list”
This time, Fleur could not help but giggle. Another thing Fancy loved about her. It was so light and lilting, like an early morning birdcall or a gentle wind-chime. He could listen to it all day.
'I might get the chance if she’s ticklish...Good Gracious! Fancy, you boob! You can’t just go around exercising such indecent thoughts! You’ve a position and image to maintain! Haul your mind out of the gutter at once, you ruddy twit!'
Both mare and stallion collected themselves, Fleur of her bout of giggles and Fancy of his flustered cluelessness.
“Sorry, we got rather carried away there” Fancy adjusted his monocle and smartened his mane “What were we saying?”
“I said I’d like to see your home”
“Ah yes. Come my dear, it’s not too far away”
*
The door to Invitro Manor was decorated with a mighty stained-glass mural depicting the Birth of Celestia and Luna.
Unknown to most however, on the other side of the door was a mural depicting the Banishment of Rememberly the Bonnycorn.
Commonly and, to many, rightfully depicted as an act of heinous betrayal, the banishment took place over ten thousand years ago, when a sect of paranoid, megalomaniacal aristocrats calling themselves the High Hooves, attacked Rememberly and her household, tortured her, drained her of her magic, murdered many of her friends and exiled her to the Wastelands far from Equestria and proceeded to rule with total cruelty and irresponsibility. Their regime lasted exactly a season before the three races of ponies, for perhaps the first time in history, put aside their differences and chased them off the seat of power before leaving the ruined former capital and beginning the foundations of the earth pony, pegasus and unicorn kingdoms.
But what was seen as treachery and tyranny by most was seen as a selfless act of honour and duty by ponies like Countess Magnifying Glass, privately sympathising the High Hooves and seeing them as rightful and conventional rulers of Equestria rising up against a freakish, delusional tyrant. The Countess, of course, would never voice such opinions to Celestia and her closest circle but then she never invited them over to Invitro Hall.
Irregular took note of both sides of the door as she entered the hall, the belongings she couldn’t bear to be without slung over her in her satchel. The butler, not the one knew when she was young, opened the door and presented her.
“Miss Irregular has arrived”
“Eurgh! The freak’s come back!”
“I knew she would, she’s like a disease!”
Two mares made their way down the stairway to meet Derpy, or Irregular, as she entered.
Her cousins, Monocular and Binocular, the daughters of Countess Magnifying Glass and Lord Nitpick.
Monocular was sea-green-coated, black-maned and painfully thin whilst Binocular was eggplant-purple, ginger-maned and morbidly obese, or the other way round, Irregular often got confused. But the two sisters wore dresses of similar fashion but different colour and, of course, shape. Both of them possessed famously plain, fish-like visages which their excessive makeup only made look frightening.
Spoilt, stupid and spiteful, they had taken great joy in making their cousin's life miserable in her youth. It was not a habit they had grown out of.
They crowded round her and took part in their favourite activity, sneering.
“You thought you’d run away on your own did you?” Monocular sneered.
“You can’t take care of yourself! That was very stupid!” Binocular sneered.
“Almost as stupid as yoooouuuu!” They both sneered at once before cackling like a pair of hyenas.
Irregular kept her head down and tried her best to let their poor but never-ending and nonetheless hurtful insults wash over her as she adjusted herself to the memories of Invitro Hall.
She hated Invitro Manor. It brought back so many awful memories.
The manor was a grand sight, boasting the largest and most decorative windows in Canterlot, appropriately as Stained Glass had made his copious fortune in glasswork. Distinguished guests could always be guaranteed a warm welcome from Invitro Manor's residents and access to the finest luxuries available to the Glass household.
But when you were the one slaving over food, fabrics and furniture and being punished severely for failing so badly at it, things in Invitro Manor didn't seem so pretty.
“Where’s my aunt?” she asked quietly.
“Why do you think she wants to see your ugly face again?” Monocular sniggered.
“You should know she was very cross when you ran off” Binocular snorted.
“I know...but she wanted me back anyway”
“We don’t believe you”
“We’re not telling you”
“So...” A dry, humourless voice silenced all three young mares as Countess Magnifying Glass arrived in the main hall, her crop tucked underneath her foreleg.
“You received my little message?”
Irregular stared at the floor, tears squeezing out of her eyes as she admitted defeat.
“I’m here...my lady” she said in a monotone “I’ll do as you say...just...no more...don't hurt my friends...please...”
“That was the agreement” the Countess gave one of her hateful smirks, chilling her niece to the bone “You do as you’re told and keep out of sight and I will put aside all problems I have with Ponyville and anypony in it. For the benefit of our family, Irregular. You understand that, don’t you?”
“...yes...”
“Excellent. And what did you do with your little...mishap? ”
Irregular paused and raised her head to face her aunt and cousins.
“You said I needed to keep it out of sight”
“Yes?” There was some amount of suspicion in her voice.
“Then I’m keeping it with me”
The Countess gave a start, wide-eyed, as Irregular removed her heavy satchel and turned it round. Safely tucked between her wings had been a bundle which she showed to them. A snoozing unicorn foal slowly opened its eyes and gazed round.
“Yeeurgh!” Monocular spluttered, sticking out her tongue “The freak’s had a stupid little foal!”
“Oh it’s disgusting!” Binocular cried “You actually slept with somepony?! How dare you!”
“Irregular!” Once again, Magnifying Glass’s voice cut through the others “I thought I made abundantly clear that this thing was not to be paraded around with you!”
“I know” Irregular’s voice was devoid of emotion and peculiarly calm “I’ll do as you said and anything else you’re going to say. All of it. I won’t complain. And I won’t tell anypony...but I’m keeping my foal”
“Now you...you listen to me, you worthless creature!” The Countess brandished her crop, her face twitching with indignation “You are treading on very thin ice! I watched for four years as you turned our family into a laughing stock and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you do it all over again! I do not want anypony whatsoever to associate your foal with the Glass family”
“They won’t” Irregular interjected “I’ll keep her by my side, always, and I’ll keep out of sight as you asked”
The Countess started breathing heavily.
“You really are completely insane! I will burn your fetid little town if I have to, Irregular!”
“Then I’ll tell everypony” Irregular gave her aunt a glare that somehow seemed threatening even through her condition “I came here to protect the ponies I care about back in Ponyville but if my daughter gets hurt...or worse...then nothing will matter to me anymore. I’ll fly away where you can’t catch me but I’ll keep my name. I’ll say ‘I am Irregular of the Glass family. I am a clueless, clumsy mare and the rest of us Glasses are worse!’ I’ll have everypony in the world laughing at you for what I’ve done or hating you for what you’ve done. Because if I lose my foal...I really won’t care about what you can do to me”
The Countess’s nostrils flared and her crop shook in her magic grasp.
Monocular and Binocular both stared with shock at their cousin.
Irregular looked on, cradling little Dinky who was just becoming aware that they were far from home and was beginning to whine a little.
“You...” Magnifying Glass hissed “are a useless...selfish...manipulative...freak!”
“Then I guess we really are related” Irregular retorted.
‘Crack!’
Irregular’s head was thrown to one side as the crop lashed at her cheek. The mark felt wet and she could taste salt in her mouth.
But she would not cry.
She turned back to the Countess with loathing in her eyes.
‘Crack!’
The crop hit her again on the other side of the face.
She would not cry.
Magnifying Glass was staring before her, red in the face, shaking with rage and huffing and puffing like a worn-out buffalo.
“Fine!” she shrieked “Keep the little blasphemy! Do what you like with it! Put a crown on it for all I care! But never again show it or yourself to anypony! Do you hear me?!”
Irregular nodded blankly.
“Now get out my sight!” The Countess stormed off in the direction of the living room, followed by her daughters, but not before screaming out one last insult.
“You’re a disgrace! Just like your mother!”
Keeping her head down and her hooves wrapped around her precious filly, Irregular made her way to the room she’d stayed in before. Little more than a servant’s room, dusty, drab and unwelcome. Her maid’s uniform was laid out on the bed before her from where she’d left it three years ago. The place brought back every bad memory she had of the ten years she’d spent alone, afraid and unloved.
This was it. Defeat.
Irregular slowly trudged over to the bed, sat down and wept. She cried freely, eventually curling up in a foetus-like ball and quivered with sobs, turning her back to the room and staring at the wall.
Her life had been stolen from her. Just when she’d found its most precious gift.
Her foal.
Her little...
“Mah? ”
Irregular turned her head round with a gasp.
Behind her, Dinky was trying to climb over her, pawing at her shoulder.
Her eyes were wide and her lips were wobbling.
She looked so sad.
Slowly, Irregular turned over and took her foal in her forelegs.
She was the one thing she still had.
The one thing they would never take from her.
“Don’t worry, my little muffin” she said between her sobs as she held Dinky close.
“I won’t let anything go wrong”
*
Briefly Manor was a vast example of a house, more befitting of a castle with enormous wide wings and staggeringly-tall towers. The manor shone in the afternoon sun as it sat resplendent on the hillside, overlooking Canterlot’s bustling square. A pony could feel like a king looking out from Briefly Manor.
Every step Fleur took towards the manor, she reminded herself she was going to be let inside it by the stallion who lived there.
It was all she could do not to swoon.
A burly dark-blue stallion with a great blaze of ginger hair and beard nodded to the manor owner and his guest as he looked up from the lawn and rested a rake over his shoulder, a tartan beret on his head positively spinning with merriment.
“A guid noon to ye’ mae’ lord!” he chortled in a Trottish accent so thick you could cut it with a butter knife.
“Good afternoon, MacTrowel” Fancy Pants hailed with equal merriment “The garden is looking marvellous as usual”
“Thankee’ kindly mae’ lord!”
“I’ve told you not to call me that, old chap” the gentlecolt tutted.
“Ah cannae’ ‘elp it, mae lord! Like the auld ma’ter ‘afore ye, yer’ right lordly material. An’ ‘twere ye’ not, ye ruddy well should be, if fer’ nay better cause than tae make every high-nosed thief and liar in Canterlot grind their teeth an’ know the fear o’ Celestia, ye ken!”
Fancy Pants brayed with laughter at the Trotsteed’s drollness.
“Fleur, this is MacTrowel” He introduced his guest “My gardener, formerly employed by Stained Glass. He’s a hard-working soul and ever brimming with the good old Trottish charm. MacTrowel, my good stallion, this is Fleur de Lis, a budding model and a dear friend”
MacTrowel’s cheeks grew rosy as he smiled, bowed and respectfully topped his beret to the mare before him.
“Aye, a braw welcome tae’ Briefly Manor, mae lass! Ye’ll find it more than a wee gracious tae’ a bonny flower like yerself!”
“Thank you, sir. I look forward to it” Fleur said politely, not quite knowing what he’d said but certain it had been kind. As they continued up the path to the Manor’s entrance, Fleur wracked her memory.
“Stained Glass?” she asked Fancy “You mean he used to work at Invitro Hall?”
“Oh yes” Fancy Pants said, fondly remembering “Why I remember watching him march up and down the vegetable patches on Stained’s orders, never letting a single leaf on his lord’s precious cabbages get ruffled. He and many others resigned after Stained’s...departure” He spoke the word with unease “Whereupon my parents took them in. And Briefly Manor has been made all the more pleasant for it”
The great door was opened as a smiling brass-coloured stallion in a blue suit gave a small bow as they entered.
“Welcome home, sir...my lady” He gave the mare with his master a curious glance.
“Thank you, Ramekin” Fancy gave Fleur his hoof as she took in the sight.
Briefly Manor was as grand inside as it was out and near as fancy and friendly as its owner. A gilded masterpiece of an entrance hall greeted her eyes with a vibrant candelabra hanging from the ceiling and portraits of all sorts adorning the walls, though not of all them looked similar to the family that had overseen it. It was more of an art collection than anything else but an impressive one.
A statue of Laurelore standing before a kneeling stallion, a sword resting on his shoulders, stood in the middle of the hall, surrounded by the twin staircases from which an immaculately presentable butler was descending.
The butler was tall, silver-coated and possessed of a plum-purple mane partially hidden under a hat which was decorated with a blue, red and yellow striped ribbon. His suit was spotless and without a crease. The hat was removed politely as he revealed himself to be a unicorn, eggplant-purple magic levitating the hat above him with grace.
“How are we this afternoon, sir?”
“Heartily well, Tom. Me and my companion here were rather hoping lunch was in order”
“Indeed, sir. I shall go and inform the catering staff. Will milady be dining with Mister Fancy Pants this afternoon?”
“I’d like that very much, Mister...” Fleur waved a hoof meaningfully.
“Fleur, this is Tombola, my trusted butler and dear family friend. He’s served me well since my first days” He nodded to his steedservant admiringly “Tom, this is Fleur de Lis. We have recently begun a wonderful friendship and I was interested in showing her around”
“The household will be exceedingly glad to hear it, sir. I hope milady will enjoy her stay” he bowed “Lunch will be ready in around half an hour. Will sir or madam start with rolls or cheese?”
Fancy turned to his guest who was still taking in the sights of Briefly Manor.
“Oh um...” she thought a moment “Actually, if there’s time, I’d quite like a look around...if that’s not too much trouble”
“Not at all, my dear. Come, it’ll be my pleasure” He turned to his butler “Thank you, Tom. Let me know if anything crops up”
“Very good, sir”
Taking her through the manor would take half an hour at least as Fleur proved to be quite an inquisitive mare, wishing to know more and more about noble life and how Fancy Pants himself chose to live. From asking him how many ponies it could hold to why anypony would need a smoking room if Fancy Pants didn’t smoke, to which he realised he had no answer.
“I would find a use for this room if I ever did use it” he sighed “I’m afraid inheriting this castle wasn’t entirely of my own choosing, nor was it any of my family’s to be perfectly honest”
“I’d love to know what happened” Fleur said, admiring the decor.
“Well, if you really wish to know, my dear” Fancy began, taking a moment to polish his monocle “This castle was given to my family during the reign of Laurelore. My great ancestor was a second lieutenant in the Royal Guard called Knickerbocker”
Fleur gave a small chuckle before checking herself.
“Sorry” she mumbled “It’s a very nice name”
“I suppose it is a little silly” Fancy said, smiling “Still, it was a name he made famous. During the War For The Equis Blade, he was part of a regiment called the Gallivanters who led the charge into a dragon’s nest, slaying a thousand cave drakes tamed and used for warfare by the Princess’s enemies in the court” He sighed “Knickerbocker was the only survivor. The cave drakes killed every one of his comrades, including his elder brother, First Lieutenant Boxer Brief. For his valour and sacrifice, Laurelore knighted him, as that statue depicted, and gave him this castle after taking it from the treacherous Archduke Natrix. Knickerbocker named the castle Briefly Hall in memory of his brother and hung portraits of every one of his fallen comrades on the walls here”
He gestured to three portraits to the side of him, each one portraying a heroic-looking pony in a white and red guard’s uniform. Their names were inscribed in gold below their portraits.
Sergeant-Major Mulled Wine , a brawny, dark brown stallion with a bushy silver mane and moustache.
Private First-Class Blue Mink , a powder-blue blonde mare who couldn’t have been more than sixteen years old.
Corporal ‘Toasty’ Walnut Mjozi , an elegant-looking male zebra with a reddish-brown mane tied up in a ponytail.
All of them looked bright, ready and full of life. Fleur struggled to imagine how heartbreaking it must have been for Knickerbocker to lose so many treasured friends in the span of a single day.
Fancy Pants continued in a solemn tone.
“The horrors of war behind him, Knickerbocker married a dancer named Farthingale and after him came...more than several ponies right up until the century we find ourselves in now” They approached the entrance to the main bedchamber. Overlooking the door was a great portrait nearly the span of the wall.
A young couple looked down at them through painted eyes. A jet-black-coated, blue-maned stallion and a pearl-white-coated, fuchsia-maned mare, smiling as they held hooves, the mare’s belly full with child behind her dress.
Fancy Pants took a moment to stare up at it, his face filled with sobriety.
“My mother and father” he said as Fleur stared at them while walking over to Fancy’s shoulder “Petticoat and Pantaloon. A pony couldn’t ask for finer parents. They taught me everything there was to know in being a gentlecolt, a great deal about leadership and the responsibilities of nobility and quite a bit about magic”
“Well they were brilliant teachers” Fleur put a hoof on his shoulder “They must have been such good ponies to know”
“Indeed” The gentlecolt closed his eyes “Things were...quite wonderful...and then...” He sniffed suddenly and grimaced.
Fleur’s face fell with concern as she realised her beloved companion was relieving a terrible experience.
“You lost them?”
“No...” He paused “They were taken...”
The slim mare gave a small gasp.
“They were...”
“I was sixteen” Fancy Pants bowed his head, his voice starting to crack “I had an accident with my magic. I was sent to hospital. My parents and Tom were there for me until they got a message. Urgent council business apparently, couldn’t wait” He shut his eyes tight “They said they would be right back...but Tom and I waited for them long into the night...until we got the news...”
“Oh Fancy...”
“My parents...had been murdered..." he spoke as if he were in a trance "...on their way home...no-one found out who had done it or why...”
"Fancy I am so sorry” Fleur turned his head to face hers and gaze into his eyes “I...I see what you mean now. I’m very sorry, I must have seemed so insensitive when I said that noble life was fun”
“No, Fleur, it’s fine. Truly” Fancy managed a faint smile and held her hooves “I’m so sorry to get so forlorn” He shook his head “It just piles on you eventually. Old Tom’s always been there for me and Ramekin, MacTrowel and all the rest...but...”
“You’re lonely aren’t you” Fleur’s muzzle was inches from his.
He didn't need to answer as Fleur put her hoof to his lips.
“Don’t worry. I’m here for you whenever you need me” She beamed.
“I promise”
"Lunch is served, sir" Tom appeared in the doorway. Foregoing their potential embrace but still holding hooves, Fancy and Fleur made their way downstairs.
*
Derpy’s flat felt so empty, so devoid of charm and wonder and happiness, without the muddle-headed mare to look after it.
The Doctor sat staring into the dregs of his Celestial Coronation tea-mug as, for him, time passed slower than ever.
Mayor Mare, Lady Justice, Mrs Cake, Cheerilee and Colgate sat at the table, contemplating the loss of their local mailmare.
“There’s gotta’ be something we can do” Colgate said for the eighth time that night.
There was a pause.
The door opened as Nurse Redheart entered. It was rainy night and she came in soaking. Mayor Mare offered to hang up her coat but the Nurse was an independent mare and did so herself.
“You could pour me a drink though” she said in a jaded fashion “It’s been a hay of a day”
“How’s Carrot Top?” Cheerilee asked.
“She’s going to be fine. Her injuries were substantial but we’ve tended to them as much as possible. We give it a week at the most before she’s fully healed. Berry Punch is watching the garden until then”
“Berry Punch might be busy with her foal most of the time” Cheerilee thought aloud “I’ll help her out. I’m pretty good at gardening”
“Well, I got news from Tall Order and you’re not gonna’ like this” Redheart sat down with a cup of cider “The attacker? The Royal Guard arrived late afternoon at Ponyville Holding Station and found him dead in his cell”
“You’re not serious!” Mayor Mare stood up, wide-eyed.
“I checked on him just now” Redheart explained “Nopony saw or heard anything even though we definitely should have seeing as the mode of death was...pretty gruesome, I won’t give you the details. We’re going to have to examine the body”
“Are you absolutely certain the Glass family had something to do with this?” Colgate asked the Mayor “I mean the Countess is a complete nag by all accounts but assassination?”
“It wouldn’t be below her, let’s just say that” the Mayor said firmly “She doesn’t respond well to criticism” She turned to the Doctor “You said the attacker had a paymaster?”
“Yeah, a sort of job agent for mercenaries and assassins and a client service for those who need wet work done while keeping their hooves clean” the Doctor explained “Extra secrecy policy. You have a talk with the paymaster, the paymaster has a talk with the killer, leaving your name conveniently out of the details. They’re virtually untraceable unfortunately”
“I could’ve sworn you looked like you knew what he was talking about when he pointed to the barrel and the first aid kit”
“Look, I know you’re probably tired of hearing this...” the Doctor matched Redheart’s earlier jaded tone “But you’re better off not knowing”
Mayor Mare sighed. She was indeed tired of being kept out of the loop.
“All the while, Derpy was being forced to leave her home and family” Mrs Cake put down her teacup “You’re sure she’s headed back to Invitro Hall?”
“Positive” Lady Justice insisted “I received a letter from my friend Raven Inkwell, the council secretary. Derpy, or Irregular as they’re fond of calling her, was seen yesterday at Invitro Hall, unwillingly talking with Countess Magnifying Glass”
The Doctor put a hoof to his forehead.
So that was where she was the other day.
That was why she’d cried.
“Oh, I’m such a clod!” Mayor Mare groaned “That commitment she had. If I hadn’t destroyed it I could’ve used it as proof of the Countess’s abuse! I wasn’t thinking!”
“It’s not your fault, Merry” Mrs Cake interjected, laying a hoof on her shoulder “You wanted to protect Derpy. But...you can’t protect somepony who doesn’t want to be protected...”
“I just don’t understand why she’d want to go back!” Cheerilee said anxiously.
“She’s not in her right mind” Lady Justice assured herself, before gripping her temples “Darn it, Doctor, why didn’t you ever tell Derpy that you were Dinky’s father?!”
“I seem to recall you saying you wanted to keep Derpy’s time in maternity leave calm and relaxed” the Doctor said in an annoyed tone “And hey, I stayed to look after the foal just as she did. I practically was her father I just...” he grimaced “I just...I didn’t know how she’d react. Months of worry, of guilt, of regret and...quite a bit of pain, thanks to me...I...I didn’t want to lose her. I was frightened, alright?” He looked down at his mug again.
“I’m sorry...I just didn’t want to hurt her”
“It’s alright Doctor. I’m sorry I snapped. None of us were really thinking” Lady Justice said, sighing “How can we get ponies to know what’s really happened? The Countess wants her hidden away. She could even send her to the asylum again”
“If we had the power of custody of Derpy or Dinky, we would be able to at least contest for their care” Cheerilee pointed out.
“But Princess Celestia is the only pony in Canterlot who knows that the Doctor is Dinky’s father”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Colgate asked.
“Not in this case” Mayor Mare said, shaking her head “I’m sure that the Princess would put a stop to the Glass family’s crimes but the Countess would enact a terrible retribution upon Derpy and her foal”
“Or the rest of us” the Doctor added “If the paymaster gets involved, things will get nasty. What happened to Carrot Top could happen to everypony in Ponyville”
“And nopony wants that” Mayor Mare finished.
“So what do we do?” Colgate asked again, exasperated.
“We need to plan this out carefully” Lady Justice explained “They’re watching Derpy like hawks and they could be spying on us too. If we’re going to get Derpy back home, we’ll have to wait for the right opportunity”
They hung their heads in unison.
Lady Justice took a sip of tea.
Mrs Cake sniffed forlornly.
Cheerilee sighed.
“I’ve got an idea!” Colgate jerked upwards. On cue, the ponies around her were all ears.
“What? What? Quickly! Let’s hear it!” They all cried.
“Alright, calm down” The azure dentist put her hooves together in thought “It’s a long-shot, I’m just gonna’ say it now, and it could go horribly wrong”
“Anything’s better than nothing” Mayor Mare insisted, leaning over to Colgate, her spectacles teetering on the edge of her nose.
“Well, I go to the School For Gifted Unicorns and so does Lyra Heartstrings. And I know several ponies around town who are Preparatory College Students. There’s an event in Canterlot that academics like us can attend at our leisure. We can find Derpy in Canterlot and once we’re certain she wants to come back, we can put in a good word to Celestia and bring her and the Doctor to meet with her face to face and get her to sort it out”
There was yet another pause.
“It’s just a thought” Colgate shrugged.
“I say let’s do it” Mrs Cake said firmly.
“Likewise” Cheerilee added.
Mayor Mare, Lady Justice, Nurse Redheart and the Doctor looked to each other with measured glances.
“It could end badly if the Countess gets wind of it” Redheart pointed out.
“We don’t need to tell Celestia anything that’ll get the law involved, a shame but for the best right now” Colgate summarised, putting her hooves on the table “We just tell her that Derpy’s able to take care of herself and her foal in Ponyville and that the Glass family’s guardianship is no longer required”
The Doctor puffed out his cheeks and stood up.
“I’m up for it. Celestia listens to me...we have a history” He eyed Colgate “But what event is this exactly?”
Colgate tilted her head in a gesture of calculation.
“An event not many of us look forward to, at least not after the last time we were there. And an event which Derpy might make very memorable”
She smiled.
“The Grand Galloping Gala”
Author's Note
Thanks to everyone who's read, liked and commented on this story.'Knickerbocker'