Ponyfinder gone wrong...

by Solphestus

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Original Character, Adventure, Human
Length: 10460

what happens when six brony authors get together to play a game of ponyfied pathfinder? well, lets find out in this twisted tale of magic and mayhem!

what happens when six brony authors get together to play a game of ponyfied pathfinder? well, lets find out in this twisted tale of magic and mayhem!
Note that this story is done in true board-game fashion in that the participants dont know whats going to happen next, and as the Game Master, I plan on keeping the chaos flowing!

Credit to Brony Parasite, Cyberlord4444, The Villain in Glasses, Pyro Mance, and ShadowsInTheDark for offering themselves as tribute~ Let the games begin!

(sorry about this everyone, but I have to cancel this due to lack of personal time and losing contact with some of the authors, maybe we will redo this someday, but who knows. anyhow its been fun folks!)

Published 2016-10-19 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-31 19:15:18 UTC

Prologue - Let the games begin!

“Any minute now…” A man wearing a dark blue cloak mused as he waited for his guests to arrive, a table with a board and blank character sheets laid out on it floating in the void behind him.

“Sorry, am I late? Had to pick up my sis from school.” Said a guy in his early twenties as he entered the room, scratching at the back of his head and setting his laptop bag on the table. He was dressed in blue jeans and a navy blue hoodie, both of which were still emitting black mist from his method of entrance. He had light brown skin and dark hair, a pair of glasses sat on the bridge of his nose.

“Since you're the first one here… and were picking up your sister, I won't fault you.” The man sighed as he slumped into a chair that materialized behind him.

“Thanks man.” The guy replied, slumping into his own chair.

“You know, I think I’ll speed things up a little.” The man then said mischievously before clapping his hands together three times, causing a rift to open in the air in front of him and making one of the other guests drop in… literally.

“Well, that was lucky,” a young man with long black hair and violet eyes spoke up from his place on the floor. At first there was nothing spectacular about the kid asides from the smoking leather jacket missing a sleeve… until he stood up and revealed two pairs of wings, one feathered, the other reptilian, and a feathered serpentine tail. “Sorry about being late, I got caught in… traffic.”

“Hey guys! I brought the cheese puffs!” A voice shouted after the sound of a door breaking. “Hey guys, where’s the fritos...!?” A man, a white haired individual wearing khakis, a red t-shirt, and boots said. “So… We starting?”

“Still waiting on at least three more people BP.” The man in the dark cloak said, waving off the question.

“Screw them.” Brony Parasite said, sitting down on a chair that appeared behind him. “So, let’s actually get to know one another since I only know Solphestus enough to… Well, know him. I forget people, so don’t be offended if we’ve worked together...”

“Not sure anyone could forget a freak like me,” the young black haired man said, pulling over a chair and spinning it around so that he could rest his arms on its back as he sat in it. “Name’s Blacke. Blacke Corman.”

“I know a frozen wolf mobion, a bizarre magician who's obsessed with large breasts… actually infatuated with them, and a bodiless guy with a female name that’s a pun on a game’s planet. Really, you’re all memorable, but everyone is, and that’s why they’re not… Too long winded for me…” Brony started to huff, having stated all of that in one breathe. “Anyways, I’m the cancer of the Bronies. I’m everything wrong with them, and I love it. Brony Parasite, or Bro Parasite.”

“Or BP for short as we like to call him.” The person in the blue cloak also known as Solphestus chuckled.

“Well,” Blacke said in surprise. “You know quite a few characters, don’t you?” He looked to the guy in glasses and nodded in his direction. “What about you?”

“I’m nobody special...” Glasses said, scratching at the back of his head nervously, “I’ll just go by my old nickname and introduce myself as The Villain in Glasses. Just ‘Vil’, or ‘Glasses’ will work though.”

“‘Kay T-vig… Why are we here again, bros?” Brony asked, “God that nickname was a retarded one…” then berated himself.

“Don't antagonize him BP, you might regret it later on.” Solphestus Joked, leaning back in his chair.

“Antagonize? Who’s antagonizing? I’m sure not antagonizing, am I?” Brony asked. “Also, where’s the mountain dew?”

“You mean this?” Blacke answered as he pulled a duffel bag from seemingly nowhere and unzipped it to reveal several bottles of the sugary beverage.

“Ooohhh! Can I have one!?” Brony then turned to Solphestus. “Hey Sol, is there anything we need that I could get?”

A bottle of Mountain Dew flies into Glasses’ hand via a shadowy string. He cracked it open with ease, “Vil or Glasses BP. I don’t usually get salty, but I don’t like people messing with my name.” He took a sip of the drink.

“Vil and Glasses aren’t messing with your name?”

“I’m not using my real name. That’s just a nickname I got in grade school for… various reasons.”

“And I was ignored as a kid- oh wait, no one gives a damn about backstories.” Brony rolled his eyes.

“Ok, first of all, no you don't need to get anything BP. And second I really hope the others show up soon so that we can get started, I REALLY want to try this setup I created.” Solphestus said before muttering to himself.

“Why don’t you give us a summary of the world we’re gonna play with?” Brony asked.

“Nah, I’ll save that as a surprise for when the game starts~”

The door opened after repairing itself as a man stumbled in wearing a heavy coat. “Oh thank god I’m not late… Wait am I late?” He asked looking at everyone. “I’m Shadows In The Dark, if you don’t know who that is this will get really awkward… I brought snacks?” He said holding up shopping bag full of food and drinks.

“I brought the cheese puffs! Also, where are the cheetos…?” Brony looked around.

“I have Jaffa cakes, cripes and coka cola.” Shadows replied walking in and taking a seat. “So how do we play? Is this like Iron Kingdoms or something else?” He asked looking at a sheet of paper.

“Oh, wait, Terror?”

“That me.” He said with a grin.

“Didn’t recognise you with that name!” Brony laughed.

“Are you Dark or someone?” He asked raising a eyebrow.

“Parasite. Brony Parasite.” Brony deadpanned.

“Dude! Nice to meet you, Wow this feels weird meeting face to face like this.” Terror said as he walked over to the table and started to fill out a character sheet.

“Same.” Brony said.

“Want to see something freaky?” Terror asked then smiled before taking his arm moved it behind his back and had the elbow behind his head. With his arm resting on his own back in between his shoulder blades.

Brony’s eyes rolled into the back of his head. Terror blinked at this before moving his arm back down and then poked Brony’s arm. “Is he okay?” Terror asked emptying out the bag of junk food on the table next to him. He pulled out two can of coca cola, a packet of crisps and one box of jaffa cakes.

“So if Bp don’t wake up soon should we start with out him?” Terror asked eating one of the jaffa cakes.

“No!” Brony screamed, jerking awake. “Also, you can call me more than just BP. I have two entire words to go off of.”

“But I like calling you Bp.” Terror replied with a smile.

“Fine,” Parasite shrugged.

Glasses just took another sip of his Mountain Dew as he watched the group’s antics with a bemused expression.

“Anyways, where’s my character sheet?” Brony asked. “I’ve always wanted to play this~!”

“Also who’s that?” Terror asked pointing at Glasses.

“Villain With Glasses.”

“IN Glasses,” He corrected.

“I get it!” Terror yelled before grinning.

“Great, that makes one of us.” Brony rolled his eyes. “Now… Sol… Gimme my character sheet damn it.” A character sheet then teleported into his hands as Solphestus grinned smugly in his chair. Terror went back to his own character sheet and started filling it out. He even started to draw a diamond dog in the profile box.

“Ok everyone, fill out your character sheets the game will be starting in a moment.” Solphestus said as a sheet teleported into the hands of whoever had not grabbed a character sheet already.

“Dragon Tank,” Glasses said plainly, pulling his sheet and dice from his bag.

“Let see, Rogue Diamond Dog who dressed as a pirate wielding a rapier.” Terror said out loud looking at his sheet.

“How do we determine our stats?” Brony asked, writing stuff down on his character sheet. “Newb to the game.”

“Well, since many of us are newbies… we’ll use the twenty point system, take twenty points and distribute them amongst your stats.” Solphestus said decidedly as he got out of his chair to start setting up stuff on the board in the middle of the table.

“Okay, can you help me with that. Last time I did something like this in Iron kingdoms my character was horribly underpowered.” Terror asked.

“Sure, just give me a moment… and done!” Solphestus said as he finished adding the last of the details he wanted to the map of equestria on the game board, before walking over to help Terror.

“Same.” Brony’s sheet disappeared and reappeared in Solphestus’ hands, before leaning back in his chair, smirking evilly. “What’cha think?”

“No idea if this is right, but here you go,” Blacke said, holding out his sheet.

“Want to hear my backstory for my diamond dog?” Asked Terror.

“I’m going to have to stop you there terror, that's info for AFTER the game starts.” Solphestus said as he finished helping the person he was talking to before taking a look at BP’s character and smirking darkly.

“Oh sorry.” He said before drinking some of his cola.

“Shouldn’t we know the layout of the land so we can actually determine a world, instead of you dropping characters with backstories that contradict the flow of things?” Parasite asked calmly. “Like, say one of us was once the captain of a guard… Which kingdom? One that doesn’t fit into the story? Like there’s only one captain of the guard in the world, and he’s been on the job for years? What then?” Brony stated.

“Wouldn’t be the weirdest thing,” Blacke said as he twisted the cap off his Mountain Dew. “I mean look at us. We probably all come from different realities anyway.”

“Yeah, but I’d like consistency to my first time role playing! So that no one leaves or I get sick of continuity errors. All I’ve got is that my character’s mother was an evil lich, but I don’t even know if that could work!”

“Up to the Gm.” Terror added then smiled. “So we ready?”

“God… Fucking… Damn you Terror… I want my character to feel natural unlike you guys, who could care less about the dumbness of your characters backstory!” Brony’s eyes twitched.

“I’ll have you know I put a lot of thought into my character thank you.” Terror replied.

“Ok, break it up you two or I will replace your lips with zippers and then proceed to lock them shut.” Solphestus deadpanned as he finished the last adjustments to Brony Parasite’s character sheet before handing it back.

Brony takes Terror’s character sheet, and after reading it looked up at Terror with a raised eyebrow. “A pirate? Really?”

“I’m using the rouge class. Didn’t say I can’t be a pirate and in a way they are rouges.” Terror looked pleased with himself.

“But a pirate…? The guys on dinky little ships that steal cargo for others?” Brony asked dryly.

“I’m not complaining about your little unicorn. I think it’s kind of cool.” Terror said having a peek at Brony sheet.

“It says he’s chaotic neutral… Pirates aren’t neutral, they’re chaotic evil.” Brony was about to continue but stopped. “Screw it… I don’t care...”

“Darn, and I was so close to replacing your mouths with zippers too.” Solphestus teased as he backed away from the arguing duo.

“And you’re lucky, or I would’ve replaced your head with a pineapple…” Brony threatened.

“Things seem to be getting a little heated in here,” Blacke said, his hair catching fire and dying down. “Maybe we should start learning some history on what we’re doing.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to get!” Brony shouted angrily.

Blacke raised an eyebrow and looked to Solphestus. “So, GM, can we get a hint? Like a little, tiiiny one to sate our curiosity.”

“You will be starting in Canterlot and meet up while trying to find employment due to circumstances.” Solphestus said cryptically.

“What kind?” terror asked curiously.

“I would recommend the adventurers guild, because that would be the easiest place to get a job.” Solphestus replied. “Or did you mean something else?”

“I was talking about the circumstances.” Terror explain. “Like what happened to make them look for new jobs somewhere else.”

Just then, a doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it.” Said Terror as he get up to open the door. “Hello?”

“Hey, I’m Cyberlord4444, but you can just call me Cyber,” said a man wearing jeans and a black hoodie, “I got an invite?”

“Hey Cyber!” Glasses called, waving to the new arrival.

“Oh you're just in luck we was about to start… I have no idea who you are.” Terror replied letting him in.

“Don’t worry, it’s mutual. Hey, Solphestus, how you been?”

“Good, how goes the finalization to the candidates for that story of yours?” Solphestus replied as he passed over a blank character sheet to Cyber.

“Slow but steady, the Pinks are being a bitch. So, what we playing?”

“A… Modified version of Ponified Pathfinder.” Solphestus replied as he returned to his chair where he began to fill out a character sheet himself for some reason.

“Is that kinda like D&D?” Cyber said as he looked at his own.

“Pretty much.”

“That should make things easier, anyone mind if I make a stealth sniper thestral who lays traps all over the place?”

“Go nuts.” Replies Terror.

“How would that work? There aren’t any guns.” Brony stated.

“One word, crossbow,” Cyber said as he filled out his sheet, “lots of DEX and INT I think.”

“That works.” Solphestus replied offhandedly as he started messing with the map again.

Blacke eyed the map. “Huh, so that’s what Canterlot looks like when it’s not on fire… neat.”

“You need to watch more than the premier and finale episodes,” said Cyber.

“Not what I meant,” Blacke elaborated. “Let’s just say family reunions never go well.”

“Canterlot’s never on fire, bro.” Brony said boredly. “Let’s start, men. Oh, and it’s a pleasure for you, Cyber. I’m Parasite.”

“Pleasure’s mine. So, what’s the set up?”

“All I know is it’s set in Equestria, brutha.” Parasite said, taking a mountain dew. “I seem to be the only one playing an actual pony in this My Little Pony game to my knowledge… Hey Soly, you got everything set?”

“Almost there… just found a glitch I have to work out real quickly…” Solphestus replied as he was forcefully pushing back against a tentacle that was trying to come out of the gameboard for some reason.

Blacke raised his eyebrow again. “That… doesn’t bode well….”

“Nope.” Glasses said with a small smirk as he took a sip of his drink, “Hide your waifus everyone.”

“What the hell?” Terror said sounding alarmed.

“Sol, you said this was gonna be a normal game!” Brony shouted in a whiney tone.

“I am instantly reminded of Gat Outta Hell, and not in the ‘that’s an awesome game’ way,” said Cyber.

“Don’t mind Cthulhu, He just likes to barge in here sometimes whenever he thinks I’m distracted.” Solphestus replied in an annoyed tone as he successfully pushed the tentacle back into the board before doing something that prevented it from coming back.

“I vote to run away now.” Said Terror looking to everyone else.

“You say that like we have that option,” said Cyber, “know you nothing of TV Tropes?”

“We’re fucked. Especially if tentacle monsters are a thing.” Glasses said dryly.

“Do we keep our current powers when we get sucked into the game?” Blacke asked in a joking manner as he set his hand ablaze.

“What powers?” Asked Terror.

“Yes please, I second that notion” Glasses said.

“Sorry, bro,” Blacke replied to Terror with a grimace. “Guess you’re outta luck.”

“Are yall done with your wailing yet?” Solphestus asked as all the exits vanished...

“God damnit Solphestus!!! If you told me this I wouldn’t have made my character a-” Brony screamed, but was cut off as everyone in the room was blinded by a bright light before being overcome by a falling sensation.

Blacke peeled his face off the ground. “That’s the second time today,” he said as he rubbed his face, finding something… off.

“Bloody hell dat hurt.” Said Terror as he rolled on to his back feeling odd.

“Anyone get the number of that starship?” Cyber said as he tried blinking the spots out of his eyes while feeling like he had more limbs than normal.

“Gah! That bastard!!!” Glasses said, a gravelly growl replacing his normal voice. His limbs felt… stiffer.

“Fuck Sol… Fuck that bastard… all I wanted was a normal table top game!” A squeaky, feminine voice screamed.

Terror and most likely everyone else turned to where the voice was coming from. And saw a small unicorn filly with a cyan coat, dark purple eyes and a white mane. The image of a black five pointed star surrounded by dark clouds adorned her flank.

“I vote we have a moment of silence, for the loss of our comrade’s lost manhood,” said Cyber, who was now a black Thestral with a red mane, and a Cutie Mark of a crescent shaped bow over a bear trap. Terror burst out laughing, Glasses followed suit.

“You sound so adorable!” Terror said in between laughs. Until he realized he had paws. He looked like a Rottweiler with a captain hat on. And a rapier on a belt for some reason… He even had a long coat on, as well as blue shorts.

“H-he sounds like my baby sister!!!” Glasses gasped out between guffaws.

Blacke stared wide-eyed at everyone around him and stomped his claw on the ground. “Well… we don’t have our old powers or I would have ended my misery…. I want my old wings back.” He was now a hippogryph with bright red plumage and a blue and yellow crest, his pony hindquarters a darker red. A picture of a golf club surrounded by circling stars was apparent on his flank.

This only sent Glasses into another fit of laughter, the harsh sound echoing through the clearing as the others just stared.

Blacke blinked his eyes at the six foot dragon. “Vil? Do me a favor….”

Glasses looked at Blacke, “what?”

“Light me on fire.”

“How the hell would I… HOLY SHIT!!!” Glasses shouted, finally noticing his new body: six feet of black-scaled, bipedal drake met his azure eyes, “what the fuck happened to my pants?” He asked, twisting around, examining his shiny new breastplate and longsword.

“Someone kill me! I’m not going on in this cruel form! I’ll never pee standing up again!” The filly cried. Terror meanwhile was examining his new form.

“OY! PIPE DOWN!!!” yelled Cyber.

“I got this.” Terror said as he get up. He walked up and picked the filly up. “I’m going to eat this pony!” He yelled with a smile on his muzzle.

“Sorry Terror, I can’t let you eat BP, it wouldn’t be fair to end the game so early for him.” A disembodied voice said in their heads.

“...I wasn’t really, and is that you Sol?” Terror asked looking around.

“Eyup, how did you expect the Game master to talk to you? Use a prophet or something?” Solphestus joked. Terror didn’t say anything as he put Brony Parasite down next to him.

“Yup...” Glasses muttered.

“Time out,” Blacke said, sitting on his haunches and making his claws into a T. “Didn’t you fill out a character sheet, Sol?”

“Yes I did, but that was just another Npc… a special one you will meet in a minute though.”

“Rule one: Don’t argue with the GM… he’ll drop the Finger of God on you if you do...” Glasses said, a scowl on his new snout.

“Rule two: Always stay with the party.” Called out Terror picking up a rock and start looking at it. “And don’t go somewhere alone with out a buddy.” He throw the rock into the air and catches it again.

“You know, I’d be willing to bet that while those rules are valid in this situation, I’ve seen enough guy get’s sucked into fantasy/game world anime to get worried,” said Cyber.

“I read a story like this once… everyone, check yourselves for your character sheets.” Glasses said, rooting around the limited space inside his breastplate, coming up with three glass vials and a scroll tube, along with a bag that jingled of coins.

“I’m a fucking filly!!! A girl! Ten years old! I’m not going through puberty again!” Brony screamed.

“Look on the bright side, you’re young again and you have magic. You could look for a spell to turn yourself back?” Pointed out Terror as he looked in his coat and pulled out a bottle. He started at it before putting it back and kept looking. He then found some lock picks and a sack of full of bits… “How do I use lock picks?”

“I’m… A fucking… Filly! I’m missing something dear to me!”

“Is no one going to question the music playing in the background?” Blacke asked, pointing his thumb behind him… at least he assumed it was his thumb.

“Shut the fuck up, Brian!” Brony screamed.

“This is Equestria, Pinkie lives here,” said Cyber as he ruffled through his coat pockets, “why would we question there being music?”

“Solphestus!? Where the hell are you!”

“You called?” Solphestus asked.

“I wanted a tabletop game! Not LARP!” Brony said, on the verge of crying as the music came to an end.

“Don't worry, nothing permanent will come of this… I think.” Solphestus replied as a apple appeared in BP’s mouth to prevent her from arguing any further.

“Seriously though, not cool Sol.” Glasses said, barely suppressed annoyance on his snout as he stuffed his items back into his inventory.

“Guys, we’re at the gates to Canterlot…” Said Terror looking worried. “What will the guards do when they find us?”

Blacke’s face fell as the gates began to open. “I don’t think we’re going to have to wait long to find out.”

“Alright let’s not panic.” Said Terror trying to do what he just said. “We can explain what happened, right?”

“Hope one of you guys has a good charisma stat, ‘cause here they come.” Glasses said in a grim tone.

“I put a five down, is that good?” Blacke said, slowly starting to back away.

“Terrible.” Glasses replied. Just as the royal guard started to walk out.

“I got six,” said Cyber.

“I don’t think rolling a dice is going to help us here.” Terror growled softly.

“Hey! Can you let me in!?” Brony shouted with an innocent smile.

“Rolling for cuteness check… You succeed BP.”

“Oooof course she does… She does realize she just threw the rest of us under the bus, right?” Glasses said.

“Who goes- Why is there a filly out here?” A unicorn guard says as he exits the gate, leaving it cracked open behind him.

“Sorry about that! She likes to explore!” Called Terror as he slowly made his way up to them. “Terribly sorry we was hoping to come inside. Rest our legs and all that.”

“And what…” The guard asked, now noticing the rest of the group. “Is a strange group such as yours doing in canterlot?”

“We’re travelers,” Glasses said, “We ended up together by chance. We mean no harm to the city, I assure you.” He raised his clawed hands to show that they were empty.

“I-I see, then you may come in…” The guard replied to the dragon of the group before opening the gate for all of them to pass through.

“C’mon, let’s go.” Glasses said, gesturing for the group to follow him.

“Maybe we should use our new names here?” Asked Terror as he followed behind.

“Agreed!” Blacke said quickly. “If my brothers ever caught wind of this….” He shuddered at the thought of a hundred laughing voices.

“At least you’re not a filly…” Brony snarled, tucking her tail between her legs.

“Come on,” Glasses said, scooping the filly up and placing her on his shoulders, drawing a squeak from her, “you’re slowing us down.”

“Oh Bugger…” Said Terror as he bit his lip. “They’re staring at us…” He nods with his head to the other guards.

“To be honest, kinda expected it,” said Cyber, “the only one of us whose a race they’ve seen before is BP, and maybe me.”

“Great… I just hope Diamond Dogs are nice here…” Terror added. “I do not want to be locked up.”

“Just keep your heads down and don’t do anything to get us in trouble with the locals, got it?” Glasses hissed back at them. Terror nodded his head, then reached into his coat and pulled a bottle out then looked at it.

“What the hell.” He said, he took the cork off and started to drink it.

“The hell are you doing!” Glasses whispered harshly.

“Blending in.” He replied with a grin before drinking more.

“And since when did downing a health potion while uninjured count as that!?”

“Not a health potion… ‘s rum” He stared with a goofy smile. “And it really good…” He then started to wobble a bit as he walked.

Glasses just snorted a puff of smoke at him. Terror waved the smoke away as he continued to drink.

“I’ll kill you in your sleep…” Brony growled at Glasses, just now recovering from the shock of being picked up.

“Listen up, you’re a small size character, while this makes you harder to hit, it also cuts your movement speed in half. So deal.” Glasses growled back.

“Is it really wise to be talking about things like stats in public?” Blacke asked. “Not exactly what I would call ‘blending in’.”

“Let find a pub!” Terror yelled with a smile on his face.

“I’m a filly, bitch.” Brony glared.

“Have a swig of this then.” He replied holding the bottle out to her.

“Aaaaand that’s where I’m stopping that!” Glasses said, swiping the flask and downing its contents before handing it back to terror.

“Well… The rum’s gone.” Terror said looking at the bottle in his paw.

“Not to mention that Glasses just gave himself alcohol poisoning, don't know how that works…”

“Actually, getting drunk is a Con check. And there wasn’t even a full serving of rum in there.” He grinned, showing his fangs to the sky, “I know the rules too, Mr. GM. No full serving means no check.”

“... Whoops, sorry bout that, I had the page for poisoned rum up. Ignore me for now~”

Blacke face-taloned. “We are never going to survive this….”

“There, there here I’ll buy you a drink.” Said Terror putting an arm around Blacke.

Blacke blinked as he removed the appendage. “I’ve never actually gotten to get drunk… suddenly I’m okay with this.”

“Hey Sol… Do a check to see if anyone saw or heard Vil talking to the sky?” Brony muttered quietly, an evil smirk on her lips.

“... You sure?”

“Something needs to happen,” Blacke said, casting a strange look at the filly.

“If you say so…” The sound of dice rolling suddenly went through their heads.

Glasses face clawed, “Gee. Thanks for reminding the GM of our situation guys, really helpful.”

“Guys our ears are so soft.” Terror said rubbing one of his ears. “It’s like velvet.”

“Don’t touch mine…” Brony groaned, her ears flattening against her head.

“You are now surrounded by civilian ponies who are giving you funny looks while slowly backing away.”

“...Let’s just find an inn.” Glasses grumbled, glancing around at the strange looks the ponies were giving him.

“I be Captain Iron Fang and I want RUM!” Terror yelled before passing out in the street.

Glasses sighed as he began dragging the unconscious Dog behind him, “I swear… every time.”

“They’re crazy.” Brony said to the civilians. “I only follow them since I got nowhere else to go.”

“For once, I agree BP.” Glasses grumbled as he dragged the drunken dog behind him

Blacke stood at the back of the group his eye twitching. “And these are the people my father interacts with….”

“Us sane ponies need to stick together,” said Cyber.

“Dad does speak highly of you,” Blacke agreed, watching the group.

“What say we go see if we can find someplace to sleep then get some equipment, you got some gold to start too right?” asked Cyber.

“Indeed,” Blacke replied, removing a pouch full of gold from… somewhere.

Chapter 2 - Ariving at the Inn

After spending several hours gathering whatever information he could from anypony willing to talk to a six foot dragon with a small filly on his shoulders and a drunken diamond dog being dragged behind him, Glasses finally pushed his way into the inn and tavern known by the locals as the ‘Four Left Hooves’.

A bell above the door jingled as he ducked inside, careful not to bash BP against the door frame, “Hello?”

“Hello, welcome to the… Four… Left… Hooves… DRAGON!” Screamed a light green unicorn mare with two-tone grey and white mane before she ducked behind the bar at the back of the room, causing everyone inside to look up from their drinks to stare at the group.

“W-what?” Asked Iron Fang as he woke up looking around confused. “Oh, we found a pub, smashing!” He said with a smile but couldn't get up, as he fell back to the floor.

“We’re never going to go anywhere without somepony flipping their lid are we?” Blacke asked, then blinked. “Oh, I’m already going native,” he mumbled with a sigh.

Glasses face clawed again, “ugh… damn my low charisma… Look, I’m not here to start trouble, we all just need lodging for tonight. I was told we could get that here.” He said, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

“I need rum!” Said Iron Fang from his place on the floor. “Lots of rum…” He mumbled before falling back to sleep.

Blacke walked around the snoring Diamond Dog and walked up to the bar. “We really are just here for a few rooms to rest up,” he said soothingly. “Can’t you help us out?”

“Y-you don't plan on breaking anything do you?” Lyra shyly asked, still cowering from behind the bar.

“No, we don’t.” Glasses deadpanned, “now can we get rooms so I can dump this drunkard off where he won’t cause a public disturbance?”

“H-how many for your… group?” The mare asked, peeking out from behind the bar enough for her to see the group.

“There’s five of us,” Blacke replied, still trying to be as comforting as possible. “We’ll need three rooms, please.”

“I want my own room…” Brony proclaimed.

“I got three, BP,” Blacke replied. “You’ll get your privacy.” That’s when they heard Iron Fang snoring.

“We need to get this idiot sobered up. He’s starting to piss me off.” Glasses grumbled.

“There’s a public washroom in back, you can use it while I retrieve the keys for your rooms from the manager.” The mare said before she ran out from behind the counter and up a flight of stairs with a hallway with a sign saying “restrooms this way” next to it in the back left corner of the inn.

“I’ll go do that then” Glasses said, plopping BP onto the floor, “you guys keep an eye on her.” He turned and spoke as if giving instructions to a child, “now, be a good girl and don't make trouble for the nice innkeeper or the others, okay? Big brother will be right back.” With that, he booped her with his claw and took off towards the public restroom, dragging Terror behind him.

“Fuck him…” Brony snarled.

Blacke looked worriedly at the small filly, wondering what the best way to defuse her anger would be. Finally he just let out a sigh. “Let’s just get our damn keys, and relax before someone ends up tearing a hole in reality or something.”

“If we could do that, I’d have left already…” Parasite stated.

“BLOODY HELL?!?” They hear Terror howl.

“PIPE DOWN!!!” Glasses’ voice roared in response.

The voices were soon followed by a series of crashes and the sound of water splashing everywhere, along with the occasional roar of anger and the sound of fists hitting flesh.

“I’m going to bed…” Brony sighed, trotting away.

Iron Fang made his way out of the restrooms dripping wet and with a black eye. “There was no need to punch me!” He Growled.

“You were resisting a wash. You needed it” Glasses replied, looking entirely unapologetic.

“You dropped me in the bath!” He yelled back then arched his back. Anyone who owned a dog knew what he was about to do. Iron Fang suddenly began to shake, sending water everywhere. “Huh, that feels better. So we got rooms?”

Glasses stood there, giving Terror a withering glare before blowing a small jet of azure fire over his scales, drying himself off instantly, “she back with the keys yet?” He said after he had dried off.

“Y-your keys sir?” The mare said nervously as she held out three keys to the group using her magic from her hiding spot on the stairs.

“Thank ye, lass. You’re an angel!” Replied Iron Fang with a smile.

“You’re going to need one.” Blacke crept up behind the Diamond Dog, eyes flashing dangerously as water dripped off him.

“Blame the dragon for almost drowning me.” He replied back before taking a key from the mare and gave her a bit for the trouble. “Thank you for the kindness.” Iron Fang said as he went to his room.

Blacke stayed where he was, staring after Iron Fang as he left. He finally let out a sigh, and took a key from the mare, murmuring a quiet “thank you”. “Want to bunk with me, Cyber?”
He asked the thestral. “I need someone sane to talk to.”

“You and me both,” said Cyber. “Now that we have a place to crash, anyone else think getting equipped is the next logical course of action?”

“We talk to Sol where we won’t look like a group of psychos.” Glasses said, taking the remaining key from the mare. Iron Fang walked up to and entered his room before locking the door behind him.

Glasses followed him, handing a key to the little filly as she stood angrily in the hallway, “You forgot this BP.” He muttered before heading for Terror’s room.

Blacke walked over to the door leading to his and Cyber’s room and unlocked it. “After you,” he said to Cyber, swinging the door open and his claw out in invitation.

Cyber nodded as he entered, Blacke following close behind.

The group walked down a road in Canterlot, looking for any signs of a blacksmith. “Does anyone have ANY idea where we’re going!?!” Blacke practically shouted out, his temper becoming frayed.

“Remind me, finding the inn took how long again?” asked Cyber.

“Didn’t help that we had a piss drunk Diamond Dog with us at the time...” Glasses muttered, using his hands to keep a squirming BP on his shoulders.

Blacke let out a long breath. “Last time almost felt like hours,” he muttered. “You know what? Screw it. Sol, where’s the nearest blacksmith!?!”

“Why don't you ask the owner of the shop next to you~” Solphestus chuckled.

Blacke turned his head with an audible creak. “You’ve. Got. To be. Fucking. Kidding me.”

“Sol. There’s a time for trolling and there’s a time for being a serious GM. Now is not that time.” Glasses deadpanned.

“Who said I wasn't being serious?” Solphestus said smugly.

Blacke’s eye twitched in annoyance. “Someone else go in first. I don’t want to scare the smith.”

“I’ve already got my equipment” Glasses said, pointing to his breastplate and longsword.

Blacke turned to Terror and Cyber, a crazed look in his eyes. “Anyone else?” Only to notice Terror was not there.

“Aaaaand just like that, the party is split. Fuck. Who was supposed to keep an eye on the Rogues!?” Glasses growled.

“Hey, I’m still here aren’t I?” said Cyber.

The sound of shattering glass could be heard emanating from Blacke. He calmly started walking towards the shop.

“Shit...” Glasses muttered, “Catastrophe in three… two… one… ”

“Start running!” Iron Fang yelled as he came running from around a corner some distance away… before a large mob appeared from around the same corner chasing after him. “Sorry!” He yelled running past a group of ponies. Who were then ran into by the mob. The diamond dog didn’t have time to explain as a arrow bolt almost took his hat.

“Man, someone needs to leash that dog,” Cyber said as he ducked into an alley.

Glasses followed him, BP still on his shoulders.

Blacke walked out of the Blacksmith holding a new halberd just in time for the crowd to ran past him, leaving every feather on his body disheveled. There was a small pause. “I’m going to fucking kill them all,” he stated without any emotion.

“I’m going to buy something to hit him with when he comes back around, anyone else care to join me?” asked Cyber.

“My fist worked well enough last time. I’m in.” Glasses said with a small growl of annoyance.

“In what again? I wasn’t listening over the sound of your stupidity…” Brony grunted in a bored tone.

“Can we just get our gear without incident….” Blacke asked to no one in particular as his claw met his face.

“Can I not be a naked little girl with four legs? Oh wait!” Brony stated sarcastically.

“I will drop you if you continue to be a brat, BP.”

“What do you expect, losing my dick made me one.” Brony smiled innocently.

“And we’ll mourn the loss of your family jewels later, but now isn’t the time.” Glasses snapped.

“I’ll make you lose your ‘family jewels’.” Brony threatened, her teeth gritted.

“You’d need to work at that one a bit, Dragons are internally stocked if you know what I mean. Sorry princess.” Glasses chuckled as BP’s face turned red.

“I’m a sorcerer… I’ll find a way…” Brony fumed, crossing her forelegs and huffing.

“Why don’t we find you a nice magic staff or something, make you feel better?” suggested Cyber. That’s when they started to hear bells, tower bells.

What did he do to make them all so angry at me? Were one of many thoughts going through Iron Fang’s mind. But at the front of those thoughts were staying alive! “Sorry!” He yelled pushing a pony out of the way. The Pony didn’t get knocked to the floor, but the mob following behind him nearly trampled him.

“Okay think, What would Sparrow do?” He asked himself seeing a wagon full of fruit. “That’ll do.” Iron Fang said drawing his rapier, cut the rope holding the back of the wagon close and letting the fruit fall out behind him. He didn’t stop running or stop to see if his quick thinking worked or not.

Now he was starting to hear bells, that can not be good for him. Iron Fang saw a tavern opened the door and closed it behind him. He then looked at everyone in side… They were all royal guards… “Oh Bugger… bye!” He opened the door and ran back outside.

Just as he rounded a corner, a clawed hand shot out of an alley and dragged him into the shadows. “Shut the fuck up, and stay still!” Blacke hissed in his ear. The diamond dog just nods his head slowly.

“I saw the diamond dog go in that direction, after me stallions!” They heard someone shout before a contingent of guard ponies, the ones from inside the bar, ran past their hiding spot.

The pair waited several moments before Blacke released his breath. “Never. Again.” He said, eyeing Iron Fang.

“I… May have found us work?” Iron Fang Said trying to smile. “But there a problem… The mob who was after me killed our employer.””

Blacke blinked his eyes. “Never thought ponies would get that violent…” he replied in a mixture of awe and terror.

“They, weren’t all ponies… And I think we need a place to hide.” he replied looking around worryingly.

Blacke gave him a deadpan stare. “Ya think!?!”

“Hey I just saw a guy get a bolt in his face! And I don’t know why they're after me!” Terror explained. “Let just find the others, please.”

“Let’s,” Blacke agreed, heading deeper into the alleyway to navigate back to the inn. Iron Fang kept an eye out on the way back. Making sure no one was following them.

“We should take the back way in, just to be safe.” Said Iron Fang with a paw on the hilt of his blade. “You never know who has eyes on us.”

“You’re just lucky that some of them are friendly,” said Cyber, stepping out from a shadow and adjusting his new tinted goggles. Iron Fang nodded before asking.

“What your name for who you’re playing as?” He asked.

“Dark Wire.”

“Nice to meet you Dark Wire.” Iron Fang replied with a tip of his hat. “I’m Captain Iron Fang at your service.”

“Disservice more like,” said Dark, “you couldn’t go one day without the entire guard chasing after you.”

“I wouldn’t say that just yet, Cyber,” Blacke said. “Somehow he managed to find us some work.”

“Where the bloody hell did you come from! I’m meant to be the sneaky ones.” Asked Iron Fang.

“Thestral Rouge, your argument is invalid.” Iron Fang rolls his eyes before opening the back door to the inn and going inside.

“Okay we all here?” Iron Fang asked looking at everyone. “I got us work.” He pulled the note out of his pocket and put it on the small table in Dark’s room.

“More or less,” Glasses said, jabbing a clawed thumb in the sleeping BP’s direction, “you’d best have a very good reason for why I’m not torching that tail of yours right now.”

“For one, the pony said we’d get paid five hundred bits each. But we have to go to where the paper says before we know what the job is. He said it was nothing big, like killing someone, so we’re good.” Explained Iron Fang.

“Where exactly is it we’re supposed to go?” Blacke asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Don’t know, I can read it, but can’t make heads or tails out of it.” The Diamond dog replied. “I thought one of you could.” He passed the paper a long.

Blacke took the page and read it over. “Mare leggings on high, Sun set past the moon. Don’t forget the tea at noon? The hell does that mean?”

“Please tell me you didn’t get this quest from Discord,” said Dark.

“Unless he can die by a bolt to the face, unlikely.” Iron Fang replied with a deadpan look. “A mob showed up and killed the pony, then ran after me. They really wanted to know what they thought I knew.”

“And this doesn’t scream ‘holy holy fuck we’re in deep shit’ because…?” Glasses trailed off, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Why do you think I locked my room, and filled my bed with junk to look like I’m sleeping in there?” The Diamond dog asked.

“Well you’re not sleeping here,” said Dark, “this room is for sane people only.”

“That and the wet dog smell still hasn’t completely faded,” Blacke added.

“I say we see what the job is, then decide if we take it or not.” Said Iron Fang. Putting his hat over his eyes.

“Well the first step to that is translating this,” Dark said as he pulled out his sheet, “my Int is an 11, can anyone top that?” Iron fang shock his head no.

“It’s not in Common? That’s surprising… maybe it’s in Draconic? Pass it here.” Glasses said, reaching for the paper.

“More like a riddle, hence why Sol will probably make us use an Intelligence check to solve it.”

“Makes sense… and I don’t have that skill, sorry.” Glasses said, passing the paper back.

“Guess it’s up to me then,” Dark said, “roll me Sol, solve riddle, Intelligence 11.”

“I just had a horrible thought.” Said Iron Fang slowly pulling his hat up. “What if it talking about places…”

“What are you saying, Terror?” Blacke asked.

“I’m really hoping it’s not what I think it is… But the only way to find out is to ask around.” He asked with a worried look on his face. “Please let me be wrong about this…”

“Explain already, we can’t read minds!” Glasses growled, a curl of smoke escaping his nose.

“Mare Leggings… Think about that and what it could mean.” He asked with a look of dread on his face.

“You don’t mean...” Glasses’ eyes widened in realization.

“Oh, jesus…,” Blacke stated bringing a claw up to his face.

“Sol, cancel that roll,” said Dark.

“Gentlemen…. We’re going to a ‘strip club’” Glasses said calmly, “if there are any that would back out now, speak.”

“Sun set past the moon probably alludes to the name of the place,” said Dark, “although I really hope that Tea isn’t referring to what I think it might.”

“I want to know why those assholes were after me, so… I say we go. And The tea part most likely our contact name, or password.”

“Either way, no point going before lunch,” Dark said, putting the flier away.

“Yeah, no use getting involved on an empty stomach,” Blacke agreed then looked to BP and pointed his thumb claw. “Who wants to wake her up?” Terror put his hat over his eyes again.

“Not it,” said Dark.

“I’ll do it...” Glasses grumbled, walking over to the bed and beginning to shake the filly, “Oi. Get you’re ass out of bed already. We have a job to do.”

“Actually, now that I think about it, are we sure we want to bring a minor?” asked Dark.

“We’re not, but she should at least know about it. I’d rather she not waste her spell useage burning the place down.”

“Okay, I’ll wait outside. Sol roll stealth please. Oh what the hell I’ll do it myself.” Iron Fang said making his way out of the room.

“Let’s just leave her a note,” said Dark, “anyone for burgers?”

“I could do burgers,” Blacke replied with a shrug.

“Are there even burgers? We are in Canterlot. Capital of the grass-munchers...” Glasses murmured.

“Twilight was gorging herself on ‘em in that one episode,” said Dark

“Those were Hayburgers. They had that instead of a patty….”

“Maybe we could find a place run by a griffon or something,” Blacke suggested.

“Are we talking about food?” Asked Iron Fang sticking his head back into the room. “I think we should head out before it get dark.”

Chapter 3 - Reciving their first mission...

“Looks like I stand corrected” Glasses hummed, picking his fangs with a claw.

Iron Fang covers his mouth as he let out a burp. “That was good chicken.” He said licking his paws, or was it fingers?

“Does anyone else find it odd that a griffon served chicken?” Blacke asked, picking at his teeth with a wooden toothpick.

“What about the ponies eating meat?” Asked Iron Fang with a smile. As some ponies on another table was staring at them.

“Different verse, different rules,” said Dark, “although it’s a pity they didn’t have wings.”

“Now let find that place.” Asked Iron Fang as he start to get up.

“Think the owner can give us directions?” Blacke asked as he got to his feet… hooves… claws….

“I’ll ask.” Iron Fang said with a smile, as he want off to ask the griffon. “Hello, can you give me directions to Sunset Past the Moon? It my friend’s birthday over there and we want to give him a good night.” Iron Fang asked pointing at Dark.

“I will make you pay for this,” Dark muttered under his breath.

“Um… What?” The Restaurant owner said, staring at Iron fang as if he had never seen him before.

“We’re looking for a place called Sunset Past the Moon, I hear a lot of good things about it. Come on help me out, I was really hoping to give my friend a party by the end of tonight.” Iron Fang whispered to the griffon. “It was meant to be a surprise. But I don’t know my way around the city.”

“Sorry sir, but I have never heard of such a place, now do you mind?” The gryphon deadpanned before getting back to work.

“Oh sorry, thank you for the help.” Iron Fang replied before going back to the others. “That was all but unhelpful.”

“Well, if this is like any other situation, there’s only one thing to do,” Blacke said. “Send the shadiest person in the group into the shadiest alleyway and hope they come out the other side with some good information.”

“So… Me and Dark then?” Asked Iron Fang.

“Seeing as I’m bright red now, yes,” Blacke answered.

“I’m okay with this,” said Dark, before turning to Iron Fang, “but I do all the talking, capiche?”

“Aye Aye.” Replied Iron Fang as he followed Dark. “So, once we’re outside. What way do we go?”

“Just follow the other shady people,” Blacke stated as they walked out of doors. “He seems like a good candidate.” He pointed to a shifty character darting into an alley.

“I’ll let you know if we run into anyone from that mob that was after me.” Iron Fang Added following behind Dark with a smile. “This could be fun.”

Dark just loosened his crossbow as he entered the alley. Before long, he was confronted by the figure from before.

“What are you following me for?” The Pony demanded in a gruff voice, or at least they assumed it was a pony, they couldn't really tell under its black cloak.

Dark put on a friendly grin, “We’re just two new visitors to town, hoping to find a place to have a little fun, and you looked like the kind of guy who’d know where to find it.”

Iron Fang pulled out a bit and looked at it, before holding it out to the hooded pony.

“So,” Dark continued, “know a place where a couple of guys fresh off the trail can find a place to relax, and perhaps find a friend or two?”

“Look, I don't have time for this, now leave me alone!” The Pony hissed before swatting the bit away and quickly melting into the shadows of the alleyway.

“That new?” Said Iron Fang.

“Something tells me following him might lead to something interesting,” said Dark, “go get the others, I’ll tail him.”

“Let’s worry about him later, for now we have other things to worry about.” Iron Fang added, picking up the bit and looking at it.

“Alright, but let’s take a look around first,” said Dark, sliding his goggles up to his forehead. Iron Fang nodded and looked around, he saw someone and poked Dark before pointing. And they notice a brown Unicorn walking up to a door in a back alleyway before entering it.

“What do you think?” Asked Iron Fang, looking back to Dark. “Do we get the others?”

“You go,” Dark said as he slinked into a shadow, “I’ll keep an eye on it.”

“Alright.” Said Iron Fang as he walked away to get the others.

“Well?” Glasses asked when Fang reached him, “what’ve you got?”

“We may have a lead, but we can’t find out without the rest of the group. We’re playing it safe after all.” Iron Fang replied he waved for them to follow him and walked back.

“Says the son of a bitch who got his tail chased halfway across the city on the first day...” Glasses grunted, following behind the Diamond Dog.

Glasses and Blacke followed behind Terror as he led them back to where he had left Cyber. “Dark, we’re ready.” Said Iron Fang with a grin.

“And it looks like we’ve hit the jackpot,” he said as he melted out of the shadows, “look at the door.” They looked at the door and saw a carving of a moon over a setting sun. Iron Fang knocked on the door.

“Password.” a voice called from the other side of the door as a slot slid open showing the eyes of whomever was on the other side.

“Don’t forget the Tea at Noon,” said Dark.

The door slowly opened for the group, revealing an earth pony mare. “Your table is waiting for you, follow me.”

“Thank you kindly lass.” Said Iron Fang as he walked inside with the group to follow the mare.

The mare lead them in through the entrance before turning left and winding through the booths around what looked like a runway that ran down the middle of the place until they arrived at a door. “Your private room is right here, they're expecting you.” She said before turning around and making her way back towards the doorway.

“For your troubles.” Said Iron Fang giving her a bit before she left. Once she took it and left he opened the door and went inside.

“Anyone else got a bad feeling about this?” Blacke whispered as he followed the others into the room. It was a small room with a circular table taking up most of the space and is surrounded by chairs.

“We’re in a tabletop RPG, you should always have a bad feeling” Glasses muttered.

“Assuming no one can beat a Diplomacy 6, I’ll do the talking,” said Dark as they took their seats.

“Fine by me, just don’t fuck up.” Glasses said, taking a seat near the door. Iron Fang took his seat by the other side of the door.

“We can’t fuck up, if we don’t know what the job is yet.” Replied Iron Fang.

“I meant the diplomacy checks. We’re fine as long as there aren’t bodies dropping.” Glasses said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, no bodies, please,” Blacke remarked as he took a seat that gave him a good view of the door.

A few moments later a door on the opposite side of the room as where they entered opened as a pink pegasus mare with purple hair stepped out. “Are you the ones sent by him?” She asked, eyeing the group cautiously.

“Aye, ma’am. Sorry for your loss.” Said Iron Fang with a tip of his hat.

“What do you… Oh, that.” The mare grunted as she rolled her eyes. “Anyway, on to business, you want the job right?”

“We’d like to hear what it consists of first of course,” said Dark.

“Well, I need someone to retrieve something of mine that has been stolen for me.” The mare said as she started to analyze each of the members of their group in turn.

“Sounds decent enough,” said Dark, “and the nature of this item is?”

“An old stone statue that has familial significance, if you manage to retrieve it for me you will be rewarded handsomely.” She replied.

“Is there anything… special about the statue we should know about?” Blacke asked.

“Its of a creature that is an amalgam of many different other creatures, and should also be posing as if it's singing.” The mare said with a huff.

Dark’s eyes widened slightly, “Exactly how large is this statue? So we can figure out how to transport it of course.”

“About the height of your scaly friend over there.” The mare grumbled while jabbing a hoof in Glasses’s direction. “Now are you done asking questions?”

Glasses snorted a puff of black smoke, “I do have a name, you know.”

“Is it guarded?” Asked Iron Fang giving knowing looks to the others.

“I don’t know, I haven't seen it since it was taken away!” The mare snapped, slamming one of her hooves on the table before taking a deep breath. “Sorry, that statue is just really important to me.”

“Do you know exactly where it is then?” Glasses asked, his eyes searching the mare for any signs of treachery.

“I have tracked it as far as this city over the years… but alas I still have yet to find it.” The mare said with genuine sadness, her head drooping to the table.

Blacke threw a concerned look at the others before scooting a tiny bit closer to the mare. “We’ll find your statue for you, miss…?”

“You may call me Screwball, everyone else seems to do that anyway.” The mare griped, “Seriously, where in equestria did they come up with a nickname like that!?”

“Not sure,” said Dark, “we’ll see you again when the task is complete.”

“Please bring it back in one piece would you? This statue is irreplaceable… and I don't know what I would do if it was destroyed.” The mare said as she gave the group a weary smile.

“My fair lady, we’ll do everything in our power to do this task as you have asked for you.” Replied Iron Fang with a bow.

“If we’re done with the job interview, I say we borrow this private room for some revelry tonight. Aye?” Glasses said, glancing around the table. Iron Fang blushed at that as he looked back at the dragon.

“I guess we can finally have that drink, Iron,” Blacke said with a smile. “You’re paying.”

“Damnit…” Said Iron Fang with a sigh, before smiling weakly at them. “Well, first time for everything aye?”

“Aye,” Blacke agreed with a gleam in his eye. Iron Fang knew one thing, he was going to lose all his bits after this. And be embarrassed to death.

“I WANT ANOTHER!!!” Blacke yelled at the top of his lungs, throwing his glass at the floor with a crash before an enormous, shit-eating grin spread over his face. “I think I like *HIC* thi-ssssssss….”

Iron Fang just smiled at this. “On second thought, this was way worth it.” He said drinking his mead.

“Have to admit,” Dark said while sipping a glass of whisky and watching the current performance, “worse ways to end a contract meeting.”

“Funny thing is, the mares who work here are egging him on.” Iron Fang replied. The diamond dog froze when he felt something set next to him. He slowly turned to see a mare that was smiling in a disturbing manner. “Umm, parlay?” He asked not sure what to do, as his mind panicked.

“Don’t look at me,” said Dark, “she’s obviously interested in you.”

“Ssssay, Cyy-ber, who’sh *HIC* who’sh dat behind you?” Blacke asked as a mare once again handed him a filled glass and another mare giggled next to him.

Dark looked to see a gryphoness with blue highlights in her feathers. She even wrapped her wings around Dark, staring into his eyes.

“Well, it’s not often you see a griffin in these parts,” Dark said. She purred and ran a claw over Dark chest… before booping him on the nose and walking away.

“Guys, what do I do?” Iron Fang asked with a little fear in his voice. The mare was now drawing on his chest with her hoof.

“Ffffuck if I know *HIC*!” Blacke called out before trying to take a drink from his glass, only to have about half of it end up all over him. “Hey, hasss anypony ssseen Villain?”

“Ow, my head… How much did I drink?” Asked Iron Fang, it didn’t take him long to find his bit’s were missing. “Oh bollocks!” He then looked around to find, he was by a park… What he was doing here and how he got there he would never know. Also where were the others?

That when he heard snoring in a near by tree and looked up. Blacke was hanging upside down from one of the branches, bat-style and snoring like an earthquake.

“Dark?” Asked Iron Fang looking at the hippogryph in the tree. “That you man?” He called up.

“No, I don’t snore,” said Dark’s voice from behind him.

“What happened to you?” Iron Fang asked noticing a small lipstick mark on him.

Dark just smirked before walking away, “Come on, we need to have a discussion.”

“What about him?” Iron Fang asked pointing at the tree before said half pony griffon fell out of the tree.

Blacke let out a moan of pain as the rest of his body fell to the ground. “Why do I keep falling from things… and why do I feel like I got ran over by a bulldozer?”

“Ugh… did someone get the license plate of that truck?” Glasses said, stumbling out of the bushes with a slight limp, lipstick stains covering his black scales.

“The lightweight awakens.” Said Iron Fang with a smile. The diamond dog felt something odd in his hat and had a look. It was a piece of paper, he took it out and started to read.

“Fuck you, my con is higher than yours, me passing out before you is literally impossible.” Iron Fang was too busy reading as his cheeks got redder.

“Oh my… I think I'm married?” Iron Fang said with huge eyes.

“Guys,” Blacke spoke up raising a shaky claw. “The world won’t stop spinning….”

“It’s called a hangover man… fuck...” Glasses moaned, “what did we do last night!?”

“I’m married…” Said Iron Fang again as he drops the paper. “When did this happen!?!”

Blacke slowly rolled over and got to his feet, groaning the entire time. He lifted his claw to rub his eyes and noticed something strange. “Who tied a scarf around my ankle?”

“I can’t be married!? I have no idea who she is!” Iron Fang screamed in panic. “SOL! Why didn’t you stop this!?”

Silence…

“Oi, get ahold of yourself!” Glasses said, whacking him over the head with his open palm, “You’re making the headache worse!”

“Ouch… Thanks, I needed that. I think?” Said Iron Fang rubbing his face. “So where are we?” He asked picking up the paper and putting it back into his hat.

“Um, guys?” Blacke said trying to get the group’s attention, his eyes bugging out.

“What now!?” Glasses snapped, rubbing his temples.

Blacke simply raised his right claw, the one with the scarf, and pointed at the large castle in front of him.

“Don’t tell me…” Asked Iron Fang as he stared at it. “Please don’t tell me…”

“Fuck me...” Glasses breathed.