Stone Vault

“This was a bad idea.” Vault thought, forlornly. Everyo-pony was staring at him, but it's not like he could blame them. He was a weird alien that wore too many clothes and spoke whatever they called English around here. Still, Walter had never enjoyed being the center of attention, especially this kind of attention.

On his way to the market place, Vault passed by a building that looked like a giant gingerbread house. It had a pleasant smell coming from inside, but it was a little too… “saccharine?” for his tastes. It didn't take more than his shadow to fall across one of the windows, before he was accosted by sentient bubble gum.

“Stoney-Baloney!” the clinging mass of curls and giggles shouted up at him. “I never got the chance to give you my “Welcome to Ponyville” song!” she slowly began to climb up his leg.

Vault grabbed the jolly baker, holding her up by the armpits. Were they armpits? Foreleg-pits? Pony terminology is weird. What was also weird was how light they are. Even though the giggling pink puffball he was holding at arm's length was about the size of a 10 year old, she weighed significantly less, like she was made of styrofoam or something.

Walter shot an interrogating glance at Pinkie Pie, the party pony seemingly unaware of his scrutinizing gaze.

“Who told you about bologna?” his voice cautiously low.

“I said “baloney” not “bologna” silly!” Pinkie corrected.

“Wait, what?” he balked, “You can hear the difference in my pronunciation?” his stare turned incredulous.

“Of course not!” she laughed good-naturedly, “I just read the different spelling!”

“Oh, well that makes…” he stopped mid sentence. Vault.exe has encountered a problem, and needs to reboot.

“Boop!” Pinkie stretched out and poked Walter on the nose. He shook his head, trying to recover his hold on reality. He then carefully set the pink paradox down, like she was a box of wet dynamite.

“Well, as fun as this has been Panko, I've got to go see a pony about a man.” he cautiously backed away. “Maintain eye contact! She can't move as long as you're looking at her!” he frantically thought.

Pinkie Pie stuck out her bottom lip and her large, expressive eyes misted up.

“B-but I didn't get to sing the welcome song.” Her lip quivered, sniffling as she worked herself up.

“Hnnnnng!” Vault nearly doubled over from pure adorableness. “Why am I such a sucker for baby blues?” He put up his hands in a placating gesture. “Okay, Okay Pinkie!” he half-shouted. “I'm a little busy right now, but how about later?”

Something seemed to click for the Ponyville’s premiere party planner. She gasped with such force, Walter was afraid she might collapse a lung.

“That's perfect!” she yelled out. “I can setup your “Welcome to Ponyville” party and sing you the song!”

“Oh boy.” Stone slapped his face. “Yeah Pinkie, that sounds perfect.” he deadpanned. “Great, another chance to get paraded around in front of these people.”

“See you later~” she called out in a sing-songy voice. Before vanishing in a puff of sugary smoke.

“Don't question it” Walter slowly backed toward the marketplace. “Just pretend that's normal, you're normal. Be normal!” Vault turned around, began extending his legs as far as they would go, and went on his merry way.

The best way to be abnormal, is to try way to hard to be normal. Stone realized this when he was getting way more stares than he should have. Then again, maybe taking giant steps and swinging your arms like a jiving cartoon character isn't exactly normal.

“You're blowing it!” he admonished himself. He made it to the marketplace just as he realized how much of an ass he was making of himself. “Yeah, you *totally** need Pinkie’s help to make a spectacle of yourself.” Vault was considering going back to the castle and locking himself up forever when he saw a brown stetson atop a blond mane. “Oh thank horse god.*” he exhaled sharply, getting his awkward spasms under control. “Hello Applejack!” he called out in the friendliest manner he could.

Applejack quickly turned her head in the direction of his call. Her features briefly flashed confusion, surprise, then anger, before settling on a smile. None of this was missed by Vault.

“Well, hello yerself Stone!” she returned his greeting warmly. “What brings you to market this early in the day?”

“Might as well get this over with…” he thought bitterly. “I'm actually here to see you.” He replied uncomfortably, scratching the back of his head. “Spike mentioned something about harvest season?” he put forth.

Applejack immediately opened her mouth to shoot him down, but thought about it for the moment. It was true she could use the help, but...

“Ya’ll ever work on a farm before?” she asked.

“Didn't tell me to get lost, good sign.” Walter smiled weakly. “No, but I did do a lot of manual labor back home. Digging, hauling, simple construction, that sort of thing.” he informed.

Applejack nodded, “Not bad…” she thought, “At least he isn't gonna be afraid of a little hard work.” She sized him up, scanning his body with her eyes. “Well, he ain't much to look at, but if he's half as strong as Twilight thinks he is…” she gave a half smirk. “Well, if’n you think you can handle it, come down to the farm tomorrow mornin’. You do remember where that is, right? Or did I rattle yer noggin too much last time?” she couldn't resist needling him a little.

“Oh, ha ha” he sarcastically thought. “Yeah, I remember. Your hospitality certainly made an impression though.” he replied with a straight face. “I still can't stand directly behind one of you ponies.”

Applejack tried in vain to contain her guffaw, her lips wiggling as she desperately tried to hang on. A short silence passed, before the both of them let out a few quiet chuckles.

“Okay, Ah probably deserved that.” she admitted. “Yer alright, partner. See you tomorrow?”

“You betcha.” Stone smiled. As Vault turned to wander back to Twilight’s, he couldn't help but feel like he was forgetting something. He immediately remembered when he turned a corner and the life-size gingerbread house came into view. “Oh no…” he said aloud, “Pinkie.”

“You called?” a sinister giggle whispered in his ear. Walter was ready to scream when a bag went over his head. “Surprise!” the pink demon yelled.

When he breathed in the sickly sweet air of the sack on his head, Walter became dizzy. “Pinkie?” he asked, his words slurring. “Did you… drug me?” Vault fell to his knees.

“Shhhhh….” her warm breath was on his left ear. “Just lay back, and think of...Friendship.” she gently chided.

“Super yay.” Walter thought, the world slowly slipping away from him. “Hello darkness, my old friend.”

Pinkie stared at the unconscious giant for a moment. “You think that was a bit too much?” she said aloud.

“Nah.” replied Rainbow Dash, an empty jar of Zecora’s Sleepytime Powderᵗᵐ in her hoof. “Look how big he is, he’ll be fine.”

“How'd ya get that from Zecora anyway?” Pinkie asked, shifting Stone onto a waiting cart.

“I told her I needed it for a dangerous monster from the Everfree.” she replied nonchalantly. Pinkie shot her a dirty look. “What? I didn't exactly lie.”