Stone Vault

The light of a fresh dawn spilled through the gaps in the old wooden barn, a few beams of which found their way onto the face of one Walter Stoneman. Vault began to stir, roused by the rather rude sun beams on his face. Without opening his eyes, he felt something soft and warm in his arms. Well, this was slightly embarrassing, he couldn't remember the last time he fell asleep with a plushy.

The morning no longer content to be denied, Walter slowly opened his eyes. Only to be met with a vision of the sun.

“Wow, Mr. Sun” he began, groggily, “I don't know if I've ever seen you so… big before.” he rubbed his eyes with one hand, the other still tightly around his cuddly toy. “Or so… oddly perfect.” he continued, his voice growing confused.

As the haze of sleep began to leave him, he examined this new celestial body more closely. It almost seemed close enough to touch, so warm and inviting. But most of all, he couldn't understand why it looked so perfect. Not in an absolute way, but in the way it couldn't possibly be natural. Yellow in the center, with orange “arms” extending outwards. It looked like something from a picture book, or the surface of an ancient vase.

“Well aren't you a charmer.” giggled a feminine voice from somewhere nearby. In that instant Vault was wide awake. His head snapped in the direction of the voice, only to see the gently smiling face of the prettiest horse he had ever seen.

Her coat was a pristine white, her mane was a cold rainbow of color, almost like the Aurora Borealis. Her gentle violet eyes danced with mirth, belied by only by the razor sharp two foot horn perched just above them. Walter followed the line of her graceful neck to her slender body and swan-like wings. His gaze finally settled on the odd sun he greeted just moments before, which rested on her rather shapely hindquarters.

That was her butt.

He had just been speaking to a horse butt.

Thankfully, he wouldn't have to pray for a swift death, as the half dozen spears levied at his chest seemed prime to grant just such a request.

In that moment, everything came back to him, the truck, the wooden dogs, the hospital, orange apple butt, everything. He was snapped out of his reminiscing by a sudden struggling in his arms.

“Unhand the hostage, fiend!” cried out of of the ponies pointing a spear at him.

Vault looked down at the trembling little yellow pegasus in his arms. Her adorable face twisted in an expression of abject terror.

“Just like…” Vault’s thoughts began to drift, but he quickly shook off the specters of his past. He really hated that look, especially when he knew it was probably deserved.

Not wanting to make the situation worse, Vault relinquished his hold on the warm and fuzzy creature. She immediately scampered away, toward a group of other candy-colored equines on the other side of Sunbutt.

They gawked at him, faces filled with fear, anger, hate, or morbid curiosity. It made him feel like a monster, a beast that didn't belong. If one of those guards decided to stab him in his heart right now, Walter didn't think he would have minded at the moment.

Lady Sunbutt had since turned to face him. Where her eyes had once been filled with child-like joy, they now wore a look of deep concern. She opened her mouth to speak, but Walter cut her off.

“Those other guards,” he began, earning him some venomous glares from the pike-wielding ponies. “Are they hurt?” he asked, looking into the cerise eyes of the sun horse.

She smiled weakly at him, “Not severely,” she stated. “Private Stormy’s armor took most of the impact, he's being fitted for a replacement set as we speak.” Walter nodded, a sigh of relief escaping him. “Corporal Nightingale suffered a minor wing sprain, but should be back to work within the week.”

“Good, good,” Vault exhaled deeply, “So… what now?” he asked.

The white pegacorn looked at him with an almost motherly concern. “If this were Canterlot, you’d be hauled off to jail to await trial for attacking two guardsmen.” she stated.

"Great, prison" Vault ruminated, leaning back and resting his chin on his chest, "My favorite." He sighed, defeated and tired. “I suppose that doesn't surprise me.” he replied.

“However…” Lady Sunbutt began, the fairest twitch of mischief in her voice, “We are not, in fact, in Canterlot. Therefore, I divert to Princess Twilight’s judgement.”

“Wait, what?” the much smaller purple pegacorn quickly turned to face Lady Sunbutt. “Princess Celestia, what do you mean?” she asked.

This “Celestia” turned to address the smaller royalty, “Ponyville is under your jurisdiction Twilight, and as such his punishment is yours to decide.” she couldn't keep the faintest hint of a giggle out of her tone.

In contrast, the younger princess could barely contain her panic. “Ok Twilight, you can do this.” she mentally psyched herself up, “You've never sentenced a criminal before, but how hard could it be?”

Princess Twilight cleared her throat, “One million years, Tartarus!” she declared authoritatively. Only to be met by several shocked stares, and one of nearly painful amusement. “Ack!” Twilight mentally back pedaled, “Where did that come from!?”

“Uhhh… I mean,” Twilight foundered, “Let him go?” she stammered out. She was met by incredulous stares this time, and more than a few angry glares from the guardsponies. “Nope!” the little pony in her head screamed. “The opposite is just as bad!”

“No wait!” she cried out, “Think Twilight, think!” her brilliant mind scrambled for a solution. “I…” She was suddenly hit with the solution. “...will have him stay in the castle as a ward of the state.” she stated with confidence.

Celestia smiled at her former student, “I think that is a wonderful idea Twilight.” she then turned to her cadre of guards. “Well? You heard the princess.” she gently chided.

The guards begrudgingly lowered their weapons, but remained on guard, just in case the strange monster tried anything.

Well, it wasn't ideal, but unless purple princess had a weird S&M fetish for weird alien monkeys, Vault was pretty sure it was better than pony prison.

“Well Mr. Stone Vault? What do you say?” Princess Sunbutt spoke up again.

“Stone Vault, huh?” Walter thought, “I've had worse names.” He cleared his throat, “Princess Celestia, Princess Twilight?” he addressed the royal pair. “That sounds perfectly reasonable.” he managed to smile weakly at them.

And that was how Walter Stoneman began his new life in Ponyville.