The Only Test

by Holocron

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Cadance, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Shining Armor, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 1324

After a small argument between Cadance and Chrysalis, Shining Armor has to determine which is the more attractive.

Shining Armor would not call his current life too complicated or stressful. But during one of Cadance and Chrysalis' arguments, the question "who has the sexiest rear?" was brought into question. Both mares, unwilling to let the other lose, it now falls to Armor to decide who has the most attractive rear. Hopefully Armor can find a way to get out of this with his own parts still intact.

This story was inspired by a comic found online. PLEASE SUPPORT THE OFFICIAL RELEASE AND CONTENT! :twilightsmile:

Published 2016-10-18 23:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-18 23:40:01 UTC

Which is better?

The Crystal Empire was waking to another lovely day, one of the warmest Autumn days to be exact. But all was not fully at peace. Though the citizens went about their normal routine, the interior of the castle was in a small panic; none more so than the throne room. Inside the Crystal Throne room, the loud voices of Princess Cadance and Queen Chrysalis echoed about, reverberating and adding to shaking noise. Though no guard acted in defense, nor did they even move from their positions. Cadance and Chrysalis were fighting, but this was not a battle of dominance, conquest, or succession, but a more basic battle; a battle of feminine vanity.

"Shining Armor loves me more, you fat butted bug!" Princess Cadance shouted, her tone was threatening, but not willing to fully cross any lines. Her opponent, however, was still smirking at the Alicorn of Love.

"Oh really?" Chrysalis said in a coy tone, her eyes shifted from the angry Cadance to Shining Armor, who was watching all this occur, and then back to Cadance. "I think Shining Armor would prefer a more experienced lady, who knows tricks in bed than you've ever known; you Disney Princess wannabe!" Cadance's expression from being called such an insult only made her face contort in rage; an expression that only made Chrysalis chuckle for a moment. "Face it! You're blander than soy."

"Uh ladies please." Armor suggested, trying to break the tension and come to a peaceful resolution. "You're both beautiful, can't we just leave it at that?" One look at the fire and anger in the two mares' eyes was a silent no.

"There is only one way to prove who is the better looking mare." Chrysalis said, trying to stare down Cadance.

"I couldn't agree more." Cadance replied, glaring back at Chrysalis. Cadance then shifted her eyes to Armor, moving her body so her pink flank would face him. "Oh Shining? Dear husband?" Shining's mouth hung open in a shocked gasp as he saw his wife wiggle her rear at him. The sight of her flirtatious voice and wiggles was one he had not seen since their earlier dating period in high school. "You think I got the better butt, don't you?" The way she swayed and moved her hips was definitely boner bait; a lure trying to fish out Shining's erection. "My butt is so smooth and firm. You could grasp it and it would feel as tender as a rump roast, wouldn't you say?"

"Uh...Uhh,,,Uhhhh?!" Armor said in a rather confused voice. He really had no words to say. In fact, he wasn't sure if he really wanted Cadance to stop, he hasn't seen her be all flirty with her in months, so he wanted to enjoy this. "C-cadance, is this really-"

"This is the butt that you married." Cadance continued, interrupting Armor's question; more realistically ignoring it. "The one you want to make sweet love to every night and deliver your babies to you! Say you love this butt, Shining Armor! Say it!"

"Or you can try this sexy thing!" Chrysalis announced, drawing Armor's sights on her large and soft looking rear. Chrysalis was swaying herself in a way that would put an erotic dancer to shame, yet it seemed almost innocent, yet eager; generating numerous confusing and arousing feelings in Armor's loins. "This is the butt of a mare who can take you around the world and back with pleasure." Chrysalis even raised her hoof to slap her flank, making it jiggle seductively. "I'm big, squishy, and yet I know how to make it work like an engine!"

"C-c-chrysalis?!" Armor stuttered nervously, but the changeling temptress continued her attempts to sway Armor's vote to her rear.

"This is the plot that can seduce and stallion or mare of any race. I can also change and adjust it as I see fit." Chrysalis cooed, using her skills in transformation to slightly alter her rear's shape, size, and bouncy texture. A feat that almost had Armor drool, and Cadance in a near rage. "Sure it may look a bit buggy, but who doesn't like experimentation every once in a while?"

After hearing both the mares' cases, Shining Armor still found himself in a stuck position; a doubly stuck position to be precise. Sure, Cadance was his wife and he would normally back her up in anything she would say, but Chrysalis was in a strange way, like a mistress to him. Before officially marrying Cadance, Armor did spend short weeks with Chrysalis; powerless to break her charm over him, but he was still partially aware it was not Cadance. Even after the wedding, and Chrysalis made peace with Equestria, the three had engaged in a nightly arrangement or two...or ten. So Armor did not want to disappoint his wife, but equally did he not want to ruin what he had with Chrysalis.

"So CHOOSE!" Both mares shouted at once, so impatient with Armor's hesitation that they all but shoved their flanks in his face. It was now or never, Armor had to choose fast, or fact a fate worse than sleeping on the couch for months on end. But it was now or doom, Armor could hear the faint sounds of a pair of hooves walking towards the throne room.

"Her!" Armor declared, pointing his hoof at the source of the sound, praying it was a mare. "She's got the best butt!"

Shining's declaration was not completely unfounded, as the one he pointed at was none other than Princess Celestia; who was enjoying a slice of chocolate cake. For a moment, the two competing mares stared at the large monarch. Their eyes fell on Celestia's rear and a small sliver of envy stabbed at their pride. Even if Armor made what could be considered the luckiest shot in the dark, he not only hit a wining mark, this was an instant win mark. Cadance and Chrysalis almost felt distraught at the concept of competing with Celestia's heavenly flank. But then a new emotion bubbled inside them; rage.

"WHAT?!" Both mares shouted in anger, turning their attention back to Armor. Their respective horns illuminating to inflict a barrage of unspeakable magic to punish Armor for his transgressions. The last thing Armor saw was the fires of Tartaras in both the mares' eyes before he was knocked down.

When Shining Armor regained his consciousness, he was in the hospital wing of the Crystal Castle. His body was bandaged to a degree where only the tops of his head and eyes were uncovered. He couldn't move and his mouth was only able to let out low mumbles. Darting his eyes quickly around, Armor saw to his relief that both Chrysalis and Cadance were gone. His eyes then opened wide in shock when a large alicorn figure appeared in the corner of his eye; but he then relaxed when he saw it was only Celestia.

"I hope you are feeling well Shining Armor?" Celestia asked, looking over the broken stallion. "Don't worry, both Cadance and Chrysalis are sorry for what they did and what they made you go through. I put them both in time out so they can reflect on their actions." Celestia then looked around to make sure she and Armor was alone. "Well, Shining Armor. I never knew you thought my butt was so nice."

"Mmmph." Was all that Armor could moan as he reclined. Celestia was not too sure if he was agreeing, disagreeing, or just in a lot of pain.

"You know." Celestia continued, leaning in to whisper softly into Armor's ear. "If you and Cadance ever divorce, I am looking for a new husband myself." Armor's eyes went dead and wide at the thought of Celestia hitting on him like this. To further add to the confusion, Celestia pulled out the same slice of cake, taking a small spoonful of the treat. "Want some cake?"