My Little Pony: Unrated cut

by 5H4W_913_

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Random, Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 1016

So, clearly no one takes any of my writing seriously, so this one is made to be laughed at and humiliated more than Pet Dash Tumblr. Join Light-Twi and her friends as they save Equestria from a pony made of clouds.

Welcome, to the land of Equestria, the time period, you ask? No one gives a -child filter- anymore. We shall join the Mane 6 as they humiliate themselves to the point of tears. This is a cry for help and a desperate 40-year-old writer who has just come out of his basement, onto his roof and screamed for help. I bring you: My Little Pony: Unrated cut. Also my OC is an Alicorn with laser-eyes and a giant bazooka and is like the best guy mixed with girl EVER.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-18 19:56:22 UTC

In a world of... LASER ROCKETS, GET THEM NOW FOR $99999.99!!!

I have no personality... I think I look like a fucking badass... everyone who reads this will be sent running to the toilet and vomiting so hard that it RIPS OPEN THEIR THROAT!!! Anyway... I and the Mane six were doing circle of jerkle into eachother's faces one day and that's when I saw it... that pony who's literally made of a fucking cloud... was back. So I shot him with my bazooka and proceeded. I was faster that Rainbow Bitch and stronger than Caramel-Covered Apple Dick. And not that anyone gives a flying fuck, but my K/D ratio in Call of Duty is XD. They had to change numbers into letters because I had nothing to jerk off to when I beat the whole fucking game with nothing but a shock charge. Then I saw the same cloud grab me and throw me into space. That's when I met a pony-space prostitute named Earl. The dank memes were eating me from the inside out and Earl's head exploded spontaneously for no apparent reason.

"Alright, that's it," said Rainbow Bitch, clenching her laser-rocket. "WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE CLOPPING TO US EVERYDAY AND WHY IS NOPONY DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!?!?!?" and that's when Rainbow Bitch had her name changed to "I'M TRIGGERED TRIPLE XD" "I never agreed to that," Rainbow Bitch RUDELY INTERRUPTED. IT'S MY STORY, IF YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ.

"Okay," said Rarity, leaving the- wait, what? She's out?

"Yeah, dude, she left," said the cameraman WHO SHOULD BE AIMING TO CAMERA AT MY FLICKETTY WRIST!!!

"Dude, don't quote me," Before XXX_ButtLikr_XXX could respond I bungled his fucking booce. Now, back to the story. There was still bloody cum and stool coming out of my mouth and I knew the only way to stop him... WAS TO LICK THE INSIDE OF HIS MOUTH. HE FELL TO THE FLOOR AND TURNED INTO A RIPE, JUICY PINEAPPLE (with or without relish?) THEN ROLLED OFF A CLIFF. then I jerked off to Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare while screaming at the top of my lungs "ILLUMINATI FUCKING CONFIRMED!!! OH MY GOD THAT DORITO IS A TRIANGLE!!!" And I realized I was the best fucking pony in Equestria and Princess Celestia doesn't do shit. Actually, I take that back, she does do shit and nothing but shit and she does fermented, soggy diarrhea from her dog. As always at 4:20 o'clock I grabbed my sexy bong, sucked my dong and sang a song. You have no idea how hard it is to suck your own dick, so instead I shove pretzel sticks up my urethra! The entire mane six was on the battlefield, shooting timberwolves with giant dildos that shot acid while I used my mind control powers to force them to drink it! I put on my circular glasses, bow tie and over comb, then walked outside with an extremely complicated laser canon.

"Oh, boy, oh, boy! I sure do hope this makes my saggy balls bigger so that I can cover them with sugar and roll around in the mud!" I said charging the gun.

"GODDAMMIT, USELESS OC, DO SOMETHING!!!" said twilight.

"Was that a... SWEAR!?!?!?" said Moderator_of_Dank_Memes_115 . suddenly, he put a long pipe down Twilight's throat. "YOU HAVE BEEN MUTED, FOUL BEAST!!!" said Moderator_of_Dank_Memes_115, flipping his cape.

"I can't live like this..." said Fluttershy.

"What are you talking about, Flutters? I love the way young people talk these- mother of god, it's all toilet sounds," said Pinkie, shocked. Then I busted through to save the day! I had so many pretzels in my urethra that my pants had a big old lump and a little bit of blood.

"DON"T TRICKSHOT ME, YOUR SETTING YOUR SELF UP TO GET REKT," I said, adjusting my glasses and shooting a laser that made a hole what went all the way through the world. I did the sensible thing and jumped into it to see if it would bring me to China.

"WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE!?!?!?" yelled Caramel-Covered Apple Dick.

"FEELING GOOD!!!" I yelled as I descended across the globe. Celestia was just crying in the corer because she got rekt by my really energy rifle, she is such a fucking scrub, look at this dude, she doesn't even know what button to press. Ponies are made of candy, I like candy, I like babies I eat pony babies. They taste sweeter that my dick covered in dry ice. Mmmh... jiggly juice, tasty juice. I found myself in hell.

"Hello, welcome to giant, flaming skulls," said Keemstar.

"Hello, I'd like to return this dildo," I said.

"Ah, yes, all you need to do is rest your hand on this scroll and it will do a... pact with The Devil, so as long as you don't want to cause a giant black hole to eat your penis, we can easily return any dildo.

"Okay, so do I just take this sacrificial knife?" I asked.

'Yep, that's the one, so just cut your wrist and you're good to go," I thought "Oh... I'll do more than slit it" I took the knife and stabbed myself so hard that the bone was crushed.

"And here's your 1 whole bit for brutality,"

"Thank you," I said floating out of the whole. I took the bloody pretzel sticks out of my urethra and casually ate them. Everyone was starring at me. "Why aren't you doing this?" I asked, confused.

"Are you even part of the fandom anymore?" asked Light-Twi, pulling the metal pipe out of her throat.

"I DO SAY!!! I don't know, I was just told I'd get free food and was like 'hell yeah' I know the character names and that's it," I said.

"SEE!?!?!? HE'S NOT EVEN A REAL BRONY!!! YOU'RE A PHONY, YOU'RE A BIG, FAT PHONY!!!" yelled Rainbow Bitch.

"Well... It seems there is one last thing to do..." I said.

"What?" asked Light-Twi.

"INSTEAD OF PRETZEL STICKS, LET'S SHOVE CHOPSTICKS IN OUR URETHRAS AND CIRCLE OF JERKLE FOUR TWO YEARS!!!" and so... we did.