Just Girls Talking Dirty

by MythrilMoth

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Equestria Girls, Sex, Main 7 (EqG), Slice of Life, Anthology
Length: 37617

Ponies and their human counterparts talk about various sexy things.

Whether they're pony or human, girls have one thing in common:

They talk.

They talk about life, they talk about love, they talk about each other.

And sometimes...they talk dirty.

Whether they're pony or human, girls get together and they talk. And this is what they say when they have their minds in the gutter.

A collection of short stories that may take place either in the Equestria Girls universe or the main Friendship is Magic universe. Be advised that some entries may contain explicit content.

Published 2016-10-20 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-21 03:53:34 UTC

Fluttershy is Memeing?

A Saturday afternoon in October found seven friends hanging out at the mall. They'd all arrived individually and had met up in pairs and trios before finally gathering as a single unit at the food court. They were far from the only CHS students killing a Saturday at the mall; they saw many of their classmates wandering around, headed for the multiplex, or chilling at the food court like they were.

Ever since meeting up with Fluttershy at CoolStory, Sunset had noticed the shy girl was unusually perturbed. Once the seven of them had rounded up food from the various mall vendors and found a large table to occupy, Sunset addressed the subject. "Something bothering you, Fluttershy?"

"Huh?" Fluttershy looked up, blinking. "Oh, it's...it's nothing," she said.

"Nuh-uh," Rainbow said as she shoved a forkful of chili tots into her face, "you've been out of it for a couple of days now. Spill, girl."

Fluttershy sighed. "Well," she said as she sprinkled dressing on her grilled chicken salad, "it's just...I've been getting some weird looks from boys at school lately. I mean, it's...it's just..." She gestured vaguely with her fork. "They sneak these quick looks at me, then duck away, like they weren't looking, you know?"

"Well, attention from boys is hardly a bad thing, darling," Rarity said as she tore a chunk off a croissant. "Why, it doesn't surprise me at all, with your grace and beauty!"

"But it's just now happening," Fluttershy said, "a-and it's not...it's not like the way boys look at you. And, well...it's a whole lot of boys at once." A few wisps of cherry blossom pink hair fell across her eyes. "It's making me nervous," she whispered.

"Hmm." Sunset frowned thoughtfully, scanning the tables around them. There were indeed a couple of boys from CHS hanging out at the mall; as she looked, she saw two boys sneaking quick peeks at Fluttershy, then looking away. One crossed gazes with her; his eyes widened, he turned to his friend, and they hurriedly grabbed up their food and took off. Sunset's eyes narrowed. "Yyyyyeah, something's...not right." She glanced off to her left and saw Flash Sentry at the counter of one of the burger kiosks. As he was handed his food, she raised a hand and called out to him. "Hey Flash! Over here!"

Flash turned to look in her direction, smiled, and waved. He headed toward their table; as he did so, Sunset noticed his eyes flick to Fluttershy and a small frown cross his face.

Pinkie snagged a chair from an empty table and made space for Flash between herself and Applejack; Flash sat down. "Hey girls," he said. "What's up?"

Sunset swiped a chicken nugget through ketchup. "Flash, do you know what's up with the guys at school lately?" she asked without preamble.

"Uhh...I have no idea what you mean," Flash said hesitantly as he paused with his burger halfway to his mouth, his eyes flickering nervously from Sunset, to Fluttershy, to Twilight, then back.

"Yeah you do," Sunset said flatly, rolling her eyes. "I can still read you like a book, you know. Now tell us what's up."

"Please," Fluttershy insisted. "I just...really need to know. It's making me nervous. More nervous than usual, I mean."

Flash looked at Fluttershy, then sighed. "Alright, but...don't shoot the messenger, okay? I mean, I know you're all gonna be pretty mad, but...just don't get mad at me, alright?" As everyone watched him expectantly, he took a bite of his burger, set it down, wiped his hands, then pulled out his phone and started going through it. Once he swallowed, he said, "So about like...Monday, I guess? One of the guys on the website staff was taking some student life photos around campus. Nothing weird or anything, just kids going to class, classroom stuff, stuff like that.

"Well, one of the pictures he took caught Fluttershy in the middle of a yawn." He handed his phone to Sunset, who examined it, then passed it around the table. In the picture, Fluttershy had her mouth wide open and her eyes half-closed, and her hand was held close to her mouth in a loose fist. When Rainbow saw it, she snickered; when it reached Fluttershy, she covered her mouth with one hand and giggled.

"Well, that's certainly a little embarrassing," she said as she passed the phone back to Flash. "It's not that bad, though. I mean, it's actually kind of funny."

"Yeah, well, there's more," Flash said. "You see...someone else saw that picture and made this meme out of it." He grimaced. "It isn't very nice, and a lot of people who heard it called him out on it. But, well..." He shrugged. "You know how when you see something, you can't unsee it, and it sticks with you? And how the craziest things meme these days?"

"Yeah?" Rainbow drawled hesitantly, narrowing her eyes.

Flash sighed and looked down at the table, then brought up a new picture on his phone and slid it back over to Rainbow. Frowning, she picked it up and looked. Her eyes widened and her face paled. "Oh, that's just sick," she said in a disgusted tone.

"Wh-what is it?" Fluttershy asked timidly.

Rainbow passed the phone to Sunset, who looked at it and frowned. "Ugh."

Flash looked up at Fluttershy, a guilty, miserable look on his face. "W-well," he stammered, "they kinda...kinda pointed out how with your mouth open like that and your eyes, y'know, half closed and where your hand was, it looked, um..." He ducked his gaze. "Kind of like a giving-a-blowjob face," he mumbled.

Fluttershy blinked twice. "Huh?" Twilight handed Flash's phone to her with trembling hands, and she looked at the screen. Saw how the image had been edited.

She nearly dropped the phone into her salad.

In big, bold, outlined block letters, the caption "INVISIBLE PENIS" had been added to the photo.

Flash reached over and snatched it back, quickly closing the image and putting the phone away. "So yeah," he said. "Guys have been passing that back and forth, and it's gross and it's wrong, but..." He sighed. "Thing is, even though most of us think that's kind of a sick joke and it needs to go away, well..." He coughed nervously. "It's got guys talking, even guys who are pissed at the guy who started that." He looked up at Fluttershy. "It's..." He shrugged. "You're one of the prettiest girls at CHS, and you're also really, really hot. Like, super hot. There are a lot of guys who'd ask you out if they thought you'd say yes. But they don't because, y'know, you're so shy and stuff."

Fluttershy blushed. "R-really?"

"Yeah." Flash took a sip of his drink. "Umm...anyway, like I said, you're really hot." His face burned red. "So when this stupid meme started going around, even though most of us hate it, well..." He coughed. "It's kinda hard not to think about it. I mean, a lot of guys dream about having a girl as hot as you, y'know, doing stuff like that..."

"Oh my," Fluttershy whispered.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "You sure keep goin' on about how hot Fluttershy is," she said. "Ah thought you were tryin' t' git back with Sunset?"

"Gah!" Flash looked at Sunset, who was smirking playfully at him. "I—!" He gulped. "It's not like...I mean...!" His head drooped. "Look, I think Fluttershy's hot, okay? I can't help that. And, yeah, that dumb meme's gotten to me too, a little." He looked up at Fluttershy, his cheeks beet red. "I mean, maaaybe I thought about, umm..." He coughed. "And I'm sorry, that's wrong, but sometimes you can't help it, you know?"

Fluttershy blinked. "You...you thought about me...doing that...to you?" she asked, ducking her eyes coyly, her cheeks a brilliant pink.

"A little," Flash admitted, averting his gaze. "I mean, it's hard not to."

"Oh, it's hard alright," Pinkie said teasingly as her hand disappeared under the table. Flash jumped and yelped, his chair scraping across the linoleum as he skittered back.

"Pinkie!" Twilight cried, eyes wide and cheeks red. "You didn't...!"

Pinkie smirked and laced her hands behind her head. "I'm just teasing," she said playfully.

"Gah," Flash grunted. "Don't...do that," he rasped as he scooted closer to the table, edging away from Pinkie as best he could.

"First Sunset, then Twilight, and now Fluttershy," Rainbow muttered. "Is there a girl at this table you don't wanna fuck?"

"GAH! I'm NOT LIKE THAT!" Flash cried. He paused, then added in a flustered tone, "I mean, okay, yeah, I wouldn't, y'know, not wanna...with, well...most of you," he trailed off. "But you do know you're like, the hottest girls at school, right?"

"Thank you, darling," Rarity said. "I think."

"I...guess that's a compliment?" Twilight ventured. "It is, right?"

"More or less," Sunset said with a playful smirk. "But we're getting off the subject here. So this stupid meme, that's why all the guys are giving Fluttershy these weird looks?"

"Yeah," Flash said, grateful to have the focus off of him. "I'm sure it'll pass in a few days. I mean, these memes go away as soon as something else comes along, y'know? Hell, the IWTCIRD meme didn't even get this...far..." He trailed off, eyes widening as he mentally backtracked through what he'd just said.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Th' Ah-whut-now?"

Twilight had her phone out and was rapidly tapping away at it. Her face turned green. "Eww," she said.

"What is it?" Rainbow asked.

"You uh...really don't wanna know," Twilight said, putting her phone away.

"Umm," Fluttershy spoke up, playing with her hair. "I'm...not gonna be, well...attacked or anything, am I? I-I mean, the boys at school wouldn't...would they?"

"What? No!" Flash cried, recoiling in disgust. "Guys at CHS aren't like that! Even if anybody acted on it, the worst they'd do is maybe ask you to, y'know, that."

"Oh. Okay." Fluttershy took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Okay?" Rainbow repeated hotly. "Okay?! The hell about any of this is okay?!"

"Well," Fluttershy said calmly, "it's a little disturbing that the boys at school all want me to, umm...suck them off..." She ducked her head and blushed. "But as long as I'm not in any danger, it's..." She frowned. "It bothers me, but it'll go away, and I don't feel violated, just...kinda creeped out." Her frown tightened. "But I do want to have words with the boy who started this whole thing."

Flash smiled grimly. "I can help with that..."

* * * * *

Dr. Swab clucked his tongue and shook his head as he went over the report in his tablet. He fixed a half-amused, half-reproachful glare on the teenage boy lying prone on the examination bed. "So, would you care to go over again what made you think it'd be a good idea to stick a shop-vac hose directly on your penis?"

Oversharing

Author's Note

This chapter has been left here, in its original form, to preserve the history of the side story "Oversharing". Part II, which was originally a chapter of this story, has been moved to the side story proper. If you're interested in seeing where this all ultimately goes, be sure to check it out!

Oversharing

It was a chilly Saturday afternoon in November.

The Rainbooms had the run of Fluttershy's house; her parents had gone up north with her brother Zephyr Breeze on Friday to enroll him in a boarding school in Vanhoover and were staying for a few days to go sightseeing and help him settle in. With Zephyr out of the house, Fluttershy had lobbied to repurpose his basement "meditation garden" (really just an exceptionally smelly slacker den), which was already soundproofed, as a practice space for the Rainbooms. With Friday and Monday both vacation days at CHS due to a teacher's workshop, the girls had spent all day Friday clearing out the basement and cleaning it up, and most of Saturday redecorating it and bringing their instruments and some donated furniture downstairs. The only thing of Zephyr's they'd kept was his 46" HDTV, since it belonged to Fluttershy's parents in the first place.

With so much heavy lifting to do, they'd co-opted Flash Sentry to help; since September, he'd been practicing with the Rainbooms off and on when their schedules met up anyway, largely due in part to his halting efforts to get back together with Sunset Shimmer. They weren't quite a couple again yet, but they were definitely close friends again, and Flash was always happy for an excuse to hang out with the girls.

"Man," Rainbow grunted as she finished setting up her amp and flopped down on one of the used sofas, "everything feels so much heavier today than it did yesterday."

"That's because we've been at this for two days," Sunset said, grimacing as she popped her back. "We're all a little tired and sore." She sat down across the room from Rainbow Dash.

"Yeah, even Ah'm kinda ready fer a break," Applejack said. She looked around. "Ah think we got everything pretty well set up. Whut say we all rest a spell?"

"I could definitely use a break," Twilight Sparkle said. Physically the weakest of the group, she'd mostly carried light loads and organized things, but she was tired, sweating, and out of breath. She flopped down on a large beanbag in the corner, kicking her shoes off and wiggling her socked feet. With a grimace, she pulled her socks off and set them aside with her shoes.

"Yeah, let's all just chill for a bit, we've earned it," Rainbow said. "Fluttershy, Pinkie, wanna round up some snacks and drinks and stuff?"

Flash rubbed the back of his head. "Well, if you girls are gonna take a break, I guess I'll head on home," he said.

"Oh, nonsense, darling!" Rarity tutted. "You're more than welcome to hang out with us, right girls?"

"Of course!" Pinkie said as she and Fluttershy headed upstairs. "Right, Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy smiled. "You are our friend," she said. "And you've been ever so helpful. We'd be happy to have you."

Flash smiled. "Thanks," he said. He sat down next to Sunset.

Once everyone had found a place to crash and Pinkie and Fluttershy had returned and passed around drinks and snacks, Rainbow asked Flash, "So how's the hunt for new bandmates goin'?"

Flash sighed. "Honestly? I'm giving up," he said. "Now that Beats graduated and Skunk moved, all the rockers I get along with have their own bands or just aren't interested anymore. Nobody needs lead guitar and the only spot for a backup guitar...well..." He glanced at Sunset. "Kinda filled." He smiled.

"Oh my," Fluttershy said quietly. "Don't give up," she urged. "I mean, you probably wouldn't be with the same band when you go to college or anything, but—"

Flash waved a hand dismissively. "It's no big deal," he said. "Honestly, I'm not looking to be in a band or make it big or anything like that. I know I'm not good enough for all that, and fame isn't all it's cracked up to be. If I can get steady work as a session artist, that's good enough for me, and the recording studios always need session players."

"You mean the guys who play on albums but never get any real credit for it?" Rainbow asked.

Flash nodded. "Yeah. I don't care about credit as long as the money's good and I can do that and a regular day job." He shrugged. "I mean, it's not like that's all set in stone or anything yet, it's just where I see myself in ten years, y'know?"

"Having a plan is good," Twilight said.

"Well, you can always jam with us any time," Rainbow said with a grin. "I love our little shred-offs."

Flash laughed. "Yeah, it's pretty awesome shredding with you."

"I think Flash just likes having an excuse to hang out with a bunch of hot girls when they get all flushed and sweaty," Sunset said with a smirk, nudging Flash playfully in the shoulder.

Flash made a stuck noise in his throat, his eyes wide. "N-no, I—!"

Pinkie grinned. "Yeah, especially watching Fluttershy shake her tamborine, right? And other things."

"Eep." Fluttershy shrank into her seat next to Applejack. "Please don't. I'm just now getting over that stupid meme." The mention of the meme made Flash turn red and start stammering.

An evil grin spread across Rainbow's face. "Gotta admit, after I got done bein' mad about the whole thing, that was some pretty good fantasy fuel."

"Goddammit, not this again," Applejack grumbled as she kicked off her boots and rubbed her feet.

Fluttershy blinked, then frowned at Rainbow. "Is...is that why you keep handing me popsicles all the time lately?"

"Maaaaaaaaaybe," Rainbow drawled with a smirk, folding her arms behind her head.

Fluttershy groaned, facepalming. "UGH! Honestly, Rainbow Dash!"

Flash looked back and forth between the girls. "Wait...what?"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Rainbow Dash is a pervert," she said.

"She takes obscene pleasure in including all of her friends in her perverted fantasies...and then telling us about it," Rarity said, shooting Rainbow a glare.

Flash felt his face heating up. Among other things. "What."

Rainbow shrugged. "Hey, I get off to what I get off to, I'm not ashamed," she said. "So I like thinkin' about me and my friends gettin' fucked by dudes and stuff, so what?"

Twilight pinched the bridge of her nose. "Can we please not have this discussion again? Please?"

"Eh, I kinda like where it went last time," Pinkie said, shooting Sunset a sly grin.

Flash and Fluttershy were both crimson now as they looked helplessly around the room—for entirely different reasons. Flash's expression was one of abject confusion. "Do I...do I even wanna know?" he asked, his voice cracking. "And is Rainbow...y'know...are you gay?"

"Nah, I just like watchin' girls get fucked," Rainbow said dismissively. "It's way hot."

"She fantasizes about herself and Soarin," Sunset said with a smirk.

Flash tilted his head. "Y-yeah...I could see that," he said hesitantly.

Rainbow leaned forward suddenly, a leer on her face. "Hey, I've got an idea," she said. "Let's hear about Flash's sex fantasies!"

Flash spluttered. "WH-WHAT?!"

"Oh god no," Sunset groaned, facepalming.

"How about let's not?" Twilight suggested.

"Ah vote fer not," Applejack said.

"Oh, come on! Totally embarrassing Flash and making things super-awkward in this basement with seven really cute single girls and one dude who can't manage to keep a steady girlfriend sounds like the bestest fun ever!" Pinkie said cheerfully, beaming.

"I don't...really want to hear things like that," Fluttershy said. "I mean, I hear enough of that kind of thing from my brother—"

"Yeah but Zeph is a douchebag," Rainbow said. "Flash is cool. And awkward. And has the hots for at least three of us." She grinned. "I bet he's thought up some awesome stuff when he's jerkin' off!"

"GAH!" Flash cried.

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Come on, Rainbow. Seriously, knock it off."

"Oh, come on! Don't you wanna hear what Flash'd like to do to you if you got back together?"

"If I wanted to know that, I'd just use my magic," Sunset said dryly.

Flash glanced at her. "You...you wouldn't—"

"Chill," Sunset said with a laugh. "I don't go around prying into everyone's private thoughts just whenever I want to."

Flash let out a sigh of relief. Rainbow wasn't about to let it go that easily, however. "C'mon, dude. You said it yourself, remember? You'd totally do every girl in this room if you ever got the chance."

"I never said anything like that!" Flash cried.

"You didn't never not say it neither," Rainbow said cheekily.

"That...! That doesn't even make any sense!"

"But you would, right? If any one of us wanted to, you'd have sex with us."

Flash ducked his head as the girls all looked at him curiously. "W-well...maybe," he said. "But that doesn't mean I go around having crazy fantasies about you girls!"

"Just Fluttershy, then?" Sunset said with a smirk. "You did say you thought about her giving you head."

"But...! That wasn't..." Flash sighed and buried his face in his hands.

"Tell you what," Rainbow said, leaning forward, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Let's make a game of it. You go around the room and tell us what you'd do to each of us if you got a chance. If you can get me wet, I'll give you a blowjob. Right here, right now."

The girls stared at her. "WHAT?!" Twilight shrieked.

Applejack scowled. "You got your bra on too tight or somethin'?"

"Oh, this will not end well," Sunset said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Ooh, this sounds like fun!" Pinkie said with a manic grin.

"It most certainly does not!" Rarity said indignantly, crossing her arms. After a pause, she said, "Although...out of sheer morbid curiosity, I suppose I would remain here to listen..."

"This is not okay," Fluttershy squeaked, her face burning scarlet. "This is not okay."

"Oh, come on, Shy!" Rainbow said. "It's just a little fun."

Flash's mouth was completely dry. He looked around at the girls, who didn't seem to know how to react to Rainbow's bizarre, bold challenge. "Uhh..."

"If y'all do this, Ah'm outta here," Applejack grunted.

"If anyone leaves, I'm recording the whole thing and posting it to MyStable," Pinkie said suddenly.

Everyone stared at her.

"WHAT?!" Twilight shrieked, eyes wide.

"Too far, Pinkie Pie," Sunset said with a frown.

Pinkie snorted. "Oh, like anybody's really gonna try to leave," she said. "C'mon, you know you all wanna hear what Flash comes up with." She smirked. "Everybody here has a dirty mind, you just don't wanna admit it. At least me and Dash own up to it."

"Ah most certainly do not," Applejack declared.

"Yeah, and you need to pull that apple tree outta your ass before you pop," Rainbow said. "It isn't natural to be as uptight about sex as you are."

"Ah ain't uptight, Ah just ain't obsessed or filthy!"

Flash coughed. "Uhh...maybe I should just go," he said. "Yeah. I should—"

"What, you're not interested in being the first guy to ever put his dick in my mouth?" Rainbow asked. "C'mon, that's like mad bragging rights, dude!"

"Flash is certainly not the type who'd kiss and tell!" Rarity declared. "Err...so to speak."

"I just...I don't wanna risk getting you all mad at me and maybe losing some cool friends over some stupid horny bet!" Flash declared.

"'T'ain't you we'd be mad at," Applejack muttered. "Rainbow Dash an' her little perv fests are jes' somethin' we've all learned t' put up with. But this, this is a whole new critter right here."

"Right, so if I leave—"

"If you leave, we'll have to put up with six hours of Rainbow either whining about not getting her way or basically writing fanfiction of you having some crazed orgy with all seven of us," Sunset said, rolling her eyes. "Or both." She shook her head. "Honestly? It'll be less trouble for all of us if you just go along with it. Besides, at least you get something out of it. The rest of us usually just have to put up with her bullshit until she gets bored or goes to sleep."

"HEY!" Rainbow cried.

Flash blinked. "Really? But...I thought girls' sleepovers and parties were just, like, makeovers and pillow fights and...and all the stuff you see on TV..."

"Well yeah, when we're like ten," Rainbow said. "High school girls have a lot more fun." With a saucy smirk, she added, "Like the time Pinkie and Sunset got into that tickle fight that got really hot—"

"OKAY!" Sunset shouted, a frantic, forced smile on her face. "Let's take another vote on this whole Flash talking about railing us all thing. With the thought of what we'll have to put up with if he leaves firmly in mind," she added through gritted teeth.

Twilight coughed. "W-well," she said hesitantly, "It...it could be interesting to hear...umm...what an average boy we all actually know thinks about us..."

Rarity rolled her eyes. "I suppose it can't be helped," she said. "I know Rainbow Dash well enough to know this subject won't be so easily dismissed."

"Well, you all know I'm looking forward to it!" Pinkie said cheerfully.

"Umm..." Fluttershy ducked her head, blushing. "I...nevermind. It doesn't really matter."

Applejack sighed. "Welp, guess Ah'm outvoted," she huffed, leaning back and folding her arms. "But if Ah hear one crack about me an' mah brother doin' it, someone's not walkin' outta here on two legs."

Flash blinked. "You and...you and Big Mac? What? That's just wrong," he said.

"THANK YOU!" Applejack yelled, throwing up her hands. "SOMEBODY sees th' problem with it!"

"Okay, so..." Sunset looked around. "How...how do we do this?"

"Why don't we start with Fluttershy and go from there?" Rainbow suggested.

"Eep!" Fluttershy squeaked.

"Uhh..." Flash said, blushing.

"Well, to be fair, we already know you fantasize about Fluttershy," Rarity pointed out. "You've as much as told us so."

"R-right," Flash said, coughing. "W-well..." He swallowed. "It's just...I've never really thought that much about, y'know..."

"Well, now's as good a time as any to think about it," Rainbow said, leaning forward eagerly. "Go on. Look at Fluttershy, tell us what you'd do to her if you could."

Flash looked helplessly at Fluttershy, who wouldn't meet his eyes and was blushing furiously, playing with her hair. "W-well..." Flash gulped. "I, uhh..." He absently took off his jacket and bunched it up in his lap. "L-like I said back when that whole meme thing was going on, I, uh...I thought about, y'know, Fluttershy giving me...y'know, head—"

"Old news," Rainbow said in a bored tone. "Be more creative."

"Rainbow!" Fluttershy squeaked.

"Well I don't know!" Flash exploded, throwing up his hands. "I mean, what do you even want from me? Other than the whole blowjob thing, the only thing I ever thought about Fluttershy was how hot she'd look in a bikini and how great her tits are!" He paused, his face going pale. "Uhh..."

"Oh...my," Fluttershy said, shifting in her seat. "Umm...thank you?" After an awkward pause, she added, "What...what kind of bikini?"

"Yeah, if you've imagined Fluttershy in a bikini, that's a pretty good start," Sunset said. "Especially if you jerked off to it, like I know you did."

"Gurk...!" Flash's face lit up with panic, but at the interested looks of the girls around him, he sighed. "W-well," he said, "I always picture Fluttershy in like, this really skimpy strapless green bikini. That shows off a whole lot of boob, y'know? And really, like, high-cut and stuff...basically dental floss."

"Oh...oh my," Fluttershy whispered, ducking her head. "I'd never have the courage to wear something like that."

"And some really sexy sandals with it," Flash added. "Like, spike heels."

"So like a model from a car magazine?" Sunset suggested.

"Yeah, pretty much," Flash said. "Except, y'know...Fluttershy."

"Hmm," Rainbow mused. "Yeah, I can see it."

"I can too," Rarity said. "You would look absolutely ravishing in that, Fluttershy! I must find exactly that bikini for you before Spring Break."

"Meep!"

"Okay, so now we know you like thinking about Fluttershy in a bikini and we know you like her tits," Rainbow said. "What else you got? C'mon, she's right in front of you and you can picture her in that hot bikini, surely you can come up with something you'd like to do with her."

"Uhh..." Flash began to sweat nervously. He looked at Fluttershy, who averted her gaze coyly...but at the same time, was clearly giving him her full attention. He gulped. "W-well..." He coughed. "I guess...if I had Fluttershy alone and stuff, umm..." He scratched his chin, his face turning red again. "I..." He closed his eyes. "A titjob," he said. "A titjob from Fluttershy would be awesome."

Rainbow laughed. "YEAH! NOW we're talkin'!"

"Ooh, naughty!" Pinkie cooed.

"I...I don't know what that is," Fluttershy said quietly.

"Me neither," Twilight said confusedly.

"Not sure Ah even wanna know," Applejack said.

Rarity's brow furrowed. "If...if it's what I think it is..."

"It's when a guy puts his dick between a girl's boobs and she jerks him off with 'em," Rainbow explained. "Usually ends with the guy comin' all over her face and tits."

"Eww!" Twilight cried.

"Oh...my..." Fluttershy said softly.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Did you ever fantasize about me doing that?" she asked.

Flash shifted awkwardly. "Maybe. I dunno?"

"Well, that was a good start anyway," Rainbow said. "But get more...like...down and dirty with it, y'know? Get specific. Details. Really describe what you'd do to us. I mean, I'll give you a pass on that one since it's kinda awkward and because Fluttershy, but I need better, sexier fantasies."

"Uhh...okay?" Flash offered.

"Cool. Now, do Rarity next."

Flash looked at Rarity, who returned his stare with a mildly encouraging smile and a raised eyebrow. He tugged at his collar. "W-well..."

"And don't just name a sex act!" Rainbow interjected. "Make a story out of it!"

"Yeah, tell us a sexy story!" Pinkie added with a happy grin.

"Hoo boy," Flash muttered. "W-well..."

* * * * *

In the softly-lit bedroom, Rarity knelt on the floor, leaning forward against the bed. She was naked; her ivory skin glowed in the soft lighting. She looked back over her shoulder with smoky eyes and a sultry smile and reached one hand back, prying apart her ass cheeks and thrusting her butt toward Flash, offering him her asshole...

* * * * *

"I...I'm sorry," Rarity said, raising a hand to stop Flash. "You...you want to do me...in the butt."

Flash blushed and looked away. "W-well...I dunno," he said. "I've always thought your butt was, y'know, your best feature. Well, and your legs. But I never actually thought about you like that before. But if...if I have to think about something I'd—"

"You want to do me in the butt," Rarity clarified. "Not only that, you want me to offer my anus to you."

"Umm...it's just..." Flash sighed.

"Hey, I'd pay money to see that," Rainbow said. "Rarity on her knees getting fucked in the ass? Yeah, that's pretty hot."

"What?!" Rarity cried, staring in disbelief at Rainbow.

"Oh, come on, Rarity! You've got like, the perfect butt for it!" Rainbow said. "Hell, your asshole looks like a powdered sugar donut!"

Flash spluttered. "Wh-WHAT?!"

Rarity's entire head turned nearly purple. "RAINBOW DASH!"

"I did not need to know that," Twilight said.

"When did you even see—"

"THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT!" Rarity yelled. She coughed, then turned an imperious gaze on Flash. "So, may I assume you would at least buy me dinner before violating my rear end?"

"Oh, absolutely," Flash said. "I mean, anal is at least fifth date, right?" He laughed nervously.

"At least," Rarity said dryly.

"Hey, Rainbow's making the rules here, not me!" Flash protested. "She didn't ask me about what kind of dates I'd go on with you girls, she asked me about what I'd do to you all sexually!"

Rarity sighed. "Fair enough. But really? You don't seem like the kind of boy who'd be into that sort of...thing."

"I guess not, but maybe? I dunno." Flash gave a sheepish shrug. "Honestly, there are some girls that you look at and you just kinda...go there." He looked at Rarity with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, but...you've just kinda got that 'do me in the butt' kind of look."

Rarity blinked. "I'm not entirely sure how to take that," she said.

"Up the butt, of course!" Pinkie said, giggling and snorting.

Rarity glared at her. "Very well then," she said, "let's hear all about what Flash would do with Miss Pie, shall we?"

Flash coughed. "Actually, umm..." He looked around the room, then at Rainbow. "Would it be cool if we talked about girls who are not in this room right now? Because, uhh..." He ducked his head. "There's actually...there's actually a couple of girls at school I think about fucking sometimes. Like...a lot more than I think about any of you."

"Oh?" Sunset asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but one of them's maybe-sorta-a-lesbian-but-nobody-knows-for-sure and the other is..." Flash grimaced. "Well, the other is Trixie."

Silence fell.

"TRIXIE?!" everyone shouted, Rainbow's disbelieving yell the loudest of all.

"You like Trixie?!" Sunset echoed.

"Like is a strong term!" Flash said hastily. "It's more, well..." He scratched his cheek. "It's more like...every now and then, I daydream about hate-fucking her to put her in her place, y'know?"

Another silence descended.

"Okay, yeah, I can see that," Rainbow said.

Twilight frowned. "Wait. You mean you fantasize about raping Trixie?"

"N-no, not...!" Flash began. He paused. "W-well..." Flash coughed. "Anyway, the Trixie thing is...it's stupid. And kinda physically impossible anyway, and since it's kind of a...kind of a not-so-nice thing, I shouldn't—"

Sunset pursed her lips. "Will you let me use my magic to see it?" she asked. "I can decide whether or not it's...well, whether we should move on."

Flash blinked. "Uhh...sure."

Sunset reached over and touched Flash's forehead. Her eyes began to glow. The rest of the girls watched her with interest.

After a long moment, Sunset sat back, eyes wide. "Dude, that's messed up," she said. A laugh escaped her. "That's so messed up!"

Flash laughed sheepishly. "I know, right?"

Sunset shook her head. "No, you gotta share that one. That's...that's like the craziest thing I've ever...man..."

Rainbow leered, leaning forward. "Oooh, this sounds like it's gonna be awesome!"

Twilight shot Sunset a reproachful look. "Sunset? You're encouraging this?"

Sunset snorted. "Calm down, Twilight. People can have dark thoughts and fantasies and not be bad people. It's...it's therapeutic!"

Twilight frowned. "Well...that's true. But still..."

"You don't know Trixie the way we do," Rainbow said. "Whatever this is, it's gonna be—y'know, what Sunset said—for all of us."

Nobody agreed with her, but they didn't outright protest. Rarity coughed. "I...am simply morbidly curious, given Sunset's reaction," she said.

"I, umm...I kind of am too," Fluttershy said. "But...is it a rape thing?" she asked, looking at Sunset.

Sunset frowned. "Well...yeah," she said. "I mean, there's definitely not any consent involved. But that doesn't mean Flash wants to, I mean..." She shrugged. "Don't you all have dark impulses sometimes you'd never really act on? Like...shoplifting or beating the crap out of somebody?"

The girls looked at each other.

"Well...yes," Fluttershy admitted. "I..." She ducked her head. "I often fantasize about taking Mom's hedge clippers to Zephyr's, umm...penis."

Flash cringed.

"But he ogles my body and he's my brother and that's wrong!" Fluttershy insisted.

"No argument there," Rainbow said. "And yeah, I get the whole dark urges thing."

Applejack sighed. "Shoot, even Ah git it," she said. "Hell, only reason Sunset still has a head is mah family needs me too much fer me t' git locked up fer murder." She paused, then added, "Ah mean, back when Sunset was still...y'know..." She gave Sunset a sheepish smile, scratching the back of her head.

Sunset paled. "Uhh...y-yeah...thanks for not killing me, Applejack. Really appreciate it."

Pinkie drummed on the table with her hands. "Okay! Enough awkward bring-down stuff! Let's hear about this crazy Trixie-fucking head-fanfic Flash has!"

Flash grimaced. "Ah, jeez...I'm not even sure how to describe this one..." He looked at Sunset.

Sunset rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm..." She looked at her friends. "Say, you all have your pendants, right?" As the girls all nodded, Sunset leaned forward. "There's something I've been wanting to try. I got it to work with Twilight once, when we were testing the limits of our new powers." She glanced at Flash. "Do you mind being the guinea pig for an experiment?"

"Uhh...I guess?" Flash hazarded. "What's the risk here?"

"Worst case scenario? Everybody in the room sees way too much of the inside of your mind," Sunset said. "And by that I mean your thoughts, not your splattered brains."

"Oh," Flash said. He shrugged. "I...don't really mind that. I mean, it's not like there's anything more awkward up there than wanting to titfuck Fluttershy."

"Or buttfuck Rarity," Rainbow said, snickering.

"Or the Trixie thing, which is what we're about to try to project anyway," Sunset said. "Basically, I'm gonna see if I can't share your little Trixie fantasy directly from your mind to theirs."

"You can do that?" Applejack asked, tilting her head.

"I might be able to," Sunset said. "I was able to share some of my own memories with Twilight when we tried it."

"That...was a really weird experience," Twilight said.

Flash tugged at the hem of his shirt. "W-well...I guess," he said. "What do I have to do?"

Sunset smirked. "Just lie back and think of Trixie..."

* * * * *

"Thank you," Trixie said to an applauding audience as she took a bow. She stood on stage, dressed in a dark blue corset teddy with matching heels, a detached tuxedo collar and cuffs with a dark blue bowtie, and her regular purple pointy wizard's hat. "And for the next illusion, we have a special guest magician! Tonight only, The Great and Powerful TRIXIE! will be playing the part of the lovely assistant! Please give a warm round of applause for Trixie's associate, Sentrini!"

Flash walked onto the stage, dressed in a black tuxedo, and waved. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! I have something truly spectacular for you all tonight." Trixie's assistants walked on stage, wheeling a long table with a lacquered wooden casket on top. Once the table was placed stage center, they bent down and locked the wheels, then stepped away. "Before your very eyes, I will divide my lovely assistant Trixie into three pieces without any harm coming to her!" As the crowd clapped, Flash opened the lid of the casket and gestured to it with a flourish. Trixie climbed up the side of the table and into the casket, lying down inside. Flash closed the lid and locked it down, then reached into a basket mounted at the end of the table and pulled out a large, thick, solid metal blade. He showed the blade to the audience, then walked to the head of the casket and inserted it into a slot there. With a hard shove and a solid thunk, the blade slid clean through, the handle flush with the top of the casket. Flash then took a second heavy blade and inserted it into a slot almost at the midpoint of the casket, slamming it down with a solid thunk. Once the blades were settled, he unsnapped a series of latches on the casket, then unlocked the wheels on the table.

The audience gasped in amazement as Flash pushed three separate smaller tables, each with a piece of the casket presumably containing Trixie, apart from each other. He walked over to the smallest piece and turned it upright, opening the front to reveal Trixie's smiling head. Trixie gave the audience a wink, and they broke into applause. "How do you feel, Trixie?" Flash asked.

"I feel beside myself with amazement!" Trixie said. The audience chuckled.

"Well, let's check on the rest of her just to make sure she's unharmed and as lovely as ever," Flash said. He walked to the middle piece of the casket and turned it upright, turning it to face the audience. He swung open the lid, revealing Trixie's corset-clad torso and bare arms from the waist to the neck.

Somehow, in between getting into the casket and being cut in thirds, Trixie had become handcuffed.

Off to the side, Trixie stared at her own body, blinking. "Wait, how—when—?"

"Let's have a round of applause for that perfect, sexy body!" Flash said with a smile. "You know, I never really stopped to appreciate how amazing your breasts are, Trixie." He reached into the casket and tugged down on the cups of Trixie's corset, baring her pert blue breasts to the audience.

Trixie blushed. "Wh-what are you—"

Flash fondled Trixie's bare breasts as the audience applauded. Trixie's torso writhed around, straining against her handcuffs even as she yelled furious, embarrassed protests. Loud thumping could be heard from the third, still closed, portion of the casket.

Flash moved on to the third casket, wheeling it front and center. The lid jerked and thumped as Trixie kicked around inside it. "Sounds like my lovely assistant is a bit agitated," Flash said. "Can't have her ruining the grand finale, can we?" He removed the lid from the casket, and a blue-heeled shoe kicked out; he set the lid aside, then pulled out a magic wand and tapped each wall of the casket.

The sides and foot of the casket fell away, revealing Trixie's hips and legs thrashing madly around on the bare floor of the box. Carefully ducking her frantic kicks, Flash worked some hidden latches and releases on the table, collapsing it inward and locking the wheels, reducing its width by more than half. He then took hold of the bottom of the casket and, with a sharp tug, pulled it out from underneath Trixie's bottom and carelessly tossed it to the stage floor. "And now, for my last trick," Flash said, spreading a cloth over Trixie's crotch and tapping it with his wand. When he pulled the cloth away, Trixie's corset teddy had vanished, leaving her lower half wearing only high heels. Dropping the wand and cloth, Flash dropped his pants...

Trixie's eyes widened in alarm. "Flash Sentry, don't you DARE—!"

Flash hauled Trixie's legs over his shoulders as he rubbed his dick against her sex. In the middle casket, Trixie's torso writhed and struggled. Trixie let out a sharp, pained gasp as Flash penetrated her; her legs twitched in the air as he fucked her. In the middle casket, her writhing and thrashing turned to up-and-down bobbing, her breasts bouncing with every pump of Flash's hips into hers. Trixie's protests turned into ragged moans and sharp gasps.

All the while, the audience clapped wildly.

When Flash reached his limit, he pulled out. His first spray of cum landed on Trixie's thighs and crotch.

His second spray mysteriously appeared on her bare breasts.

His third and final blast somehow ended up on her face, even though her head was fifteen feet away.

Spent, Flash took a bow, and the curtain closed as the audience cheered...

* * * * *

The girls stared at Flash, who ducked his head and looked away.

"Dude," Rainbow breathed. "That...that was sick."

Rarity wrinkled her nose. "Don't take this the wrong way, darling, but...have you perhaps considered professional help?"

"That was weirder than the weirdest weird I ever weirded," Pinkie said, eyes wide.

Twilight was green. "I...I think I'm gonna be sick," she said shakily. "And...I also feel excited," she added numbly. "I am so confused."

Applejack shook her head. "No," she said. "Ah jes'...no."

Fluttershy shuddered. "That was horrible," she mewled. "But also really intense..."

Flash sighed. "Yeah," he said. "I...I don't know what to—"

Rainbow Dash stood up suddenly, crossed the room, and crouched down in front of Flash. Without a word, she grabbed his jacket out of his lap and tossed it aside, then undid his belt and zipper.

Flash blinked. "R-Rainbow?"

"You win," Rainbow said as she worked Flash's already-hard dick free of his underwear and began slowly stroking it with her right hand. "My pussy's so wet right now we're gonna need to shampoo that couch." The girls who had been sitting with her wrinkled their noses and discreetly moved to other seats.

"Wait, seriously?" Flash asked. "But you just said that was—"

"Yeah, it was sick, but it was sick in the best way," Rainbow said. "Some of the stuff I get off to is really, really wrong."

Rarity pursed her lips. "As disturbing as that was, there was also a certain...naughty thrill," she admitted. "Sort of an extreme BDSM thing."

"Yeah, I figure Trixie would be into S&M," Pinkie said, "but I never thought Flash would be into it. Or whatever that was."

"How did you even come up with something like that?" Fluttershy wondered.

Flash looked from Rainbow, who was giving him a slow handjob, to Fluttershy. "Umm..." He coughed. "I was watching some lame magic show on TV one night while I was surfing for porn, and I started looking up porn of girls in those outfits. Then I started thinking about Trixie wearing one of those outfits, and it just kinda went downhill from there."

"Boy Ah'll say," Applejack muttered.

"Hey Pinkie, record this, I wanna see what I look like givin' head later," Rainbow said.

"Sure," Pinkie said a bit hesitantly, moving into position with her phone as Rainbow looked up at Flash, keeping her eyes locked on his as she flicked her tongue across the tip of his dick.

The girls watched with varying degrees of fascination, incredulity, and revulsion as Rainbow's head bobbed up and down in Flash's lap, filling the basement with loud, wet slurping and popping sounds. Flash grunted and breathed heavily, tangling his fingers in Rainbow's wild hair as he pounded into her mouth.

"So...this is a thing?" Twilight asked. "This is a thing we're doing? We're sitting around Fluttershy's basement watching Rainbow Dash go down on your boyfriend? After we all lived his fantasy of basically raping Trixie in front of a live audience?"

"Looks that way," Sunset said. She blinked as Flash wrapped an arm around her and began kneading her breast through her sweater. "Yep, just another regular Saturday get-together for the Rainbooms," she said dryly, shaking her head.

"Ah cannot believe this," Applejack muttered.

"And yet, you're watching it," Pinkie said cheerfully. Applejack blushed and coughed.

Flash grunted as he came; most of it went into Rainbow's mouth, but some ended up on her face and in her hair. She swallowed lazily, then let out a ragged moan and climbed up onto the sofa, leaning back and slightly into Flash. "Dude, that rocked," she said. "I gotta start suckin' dick more often."

"I bet Soarin would love a blowjob like that," Flash said.

Fluttershy grimaced. "I'll go get some wet wipes," she said. "You've got a little...umm...kind of everywhere." She paused, then amended, "Actually maybe you should go take a shower and, umm...maybe borrow some clean underwear and pants from me?"

Rainbow looked down at herself. "Yeah, probably a good idea," she said, standing up with a groan and heading up the stairs.

Fluttershy followed her. "I'll be right back with some wet wipes for you, Flash," she said. After an awkward pause, she added, "Oh, and...that thing you wanted to do with me? That, umm...boob thing?" She flushed. "Maybe...up in my room later?"

As she left, the basement fell silent. Until...

"Hey, we never did get to hear what you'd do to the rest of us!" Pinkie complained.

"Or Octavia," Sunset added.

Flash looked around. "But...I won the bet," he said. "It's over."

"Oh, come on!" Pinkie cried. "You can't leave us hanging like that!"

"Honestly, I got nothin'," Flash said. "Besides, do you really want me to...y'know...keep going?"

"YES!" Pinkie declared.

Sunset hummed thoughtfully. "How about this?" she suggested. "Now that we know that thought-sharing thing works, when Rainbow and Fluttershy get back we'll keep going." She counted on her fingers. "If you can come up with something really hot for me, Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow—oh, and that Octavia thing too—hot enough to get all of us worked up, you can have sex with Pinkie Pie."

Pinkie blinked. "Huh? Wait, why me?"

"You're the one who wants to keep going," Sunset said simply.

Pinkie tilted her head. "Well, that's true. Also, I guess I don't mind being the prize for winning the bonus round."

Flash blinked. "Seriously?" His dick started to twitch again. The girls noticed and smirked. He yelped and covered his crotch with his hands.

Sunset grinned. "Yeah...we're totally gonna do this," she said.

"And then you're totally gonna do me!" Pinkie cheered, giggling.

Twilight facepalmed. "You girls are crazy," she moaned.

Applejack Tries To Get Laid

It was a warm Thursday night in April. Applejack had hurried home after school to handle a load of backed up chores; after she was done, she was too tired to go do anything with her friends, and most of them were busy with their own things in any case, so she sat in the living room with her sister. Both of them were bored, so they'd gotten out the family dominos and were playing while half-watching some old TV show at low volume. Granny was already asleep upstairs, and Big Mac had not yet returned home from an errand that was an hour's drive both ways.

As Applejack laid a domino on the table, she let out a sigh, pressing one cheek into the palm of a propped-up hand.

"Whut's th' matter, Applejack?" Apple Bloom asked.

Applejack looked at her, frowned, then shook her head. "Ain't nothin' you need t' worry about," she said.

"Oh, come on, Applejack," Apple Bloom said. "You can tell me."

Applejack's brow furrowed as she studied her dominos. "Well," she said pensively, "t' speak th' plain truth, lately Ah been kinda..." She blushed. "Well, let's jes' say Ah wouldn't mind borryin' one or two of Rarity's trashy books an' takin' a long bath with some'a that fancy toilet water."

"Ooooh," Apple Bloom drawled, a smirk crossing her face. "You mean you're horny."

Applejack grimaced, but shrugged. "Yeah, some," she said.

"So just get laid," Apple Bloom said as she made her next play. "Ah mean, ain't no reason not to."

"There's plenty reason not to!" Applejack retorted in disbelief. "Why, there's—"

"You jes' don't want to 'cuz it ain't th' country way," Apple Bloom said. "Except it kinda is. Heck, it's been th' country way longer'n it's been th' city way, Granny had her first kid when she was sixteen—"

"Alright, alright," Applejack groaned, throwing her hands up. "Fact of th' matter is there ain't a dang boy at CHS whut even looks at me like that. At least, ain't none Ah've seen."

Apple Bloom frowned, her brow furrowing. "Really? 'Cuz Ah git hit on a lot."

"So Ah've heard," Applejack muttered.

Apple Bloom studied her dominos. "Maybe it's 'cuz'a them girls you hang out with?"

"Whaddya mean?" Applejack asked.

"Well," Apple Bloom said slowly, "thing about boys is, they got types they like, y'know? An' it's like...yeah, okay, hard-workin' farm girl with a nice body an' a tan an' freckles an' all, that's sure enough a type guys like, but..." She started ticking off points on her fingers. "Then you got th' hot jock girl, th' hot nerd girl, th' shy pretty girl with big titties, th' high-falutin' type Rarity is, th'...oh, what was that Button called it?" She pursed her lips. "Somethin' Neighponese. Gain key girl or whutever? Ah reckon it means crazy party girl, so that's Pinkie, and then you got Sunset, an' she looks like she walked right outta one'a them old rock an' roll videos from th' 80s." She gestured expansively. "Ah mean, you got like...a whole anime harem of friends there."

Applejack blinked. "Huh," she said. "So what you're sayin' is...compared t' mah friends, Ah'm...boring?"

"No, not..." Apple Bloom started, then stopped and shrugged. "Well...yeah actually."

Applejack sat back, processing this. "Huh," she said. She looked at Apple Bloom dubiously. "But hold up. You're a down-home country girl jes' like me, so how is it you got boys drippin' off you like cheap jewelry?"

Apple Bloom coughed, her cheeks heating up. "This ain't about me, now, is it?" she said. "Besides, only real competition Ah got fer boys is Sweetie Belle an' Silver Spoon."

Applejack frowned. "Okay, so...if'n, let's suppose, Ah was even wantin' t' git laid, how'n th' blue hell am Ah supposed t' git 'er done if Ah'm so boring no boy's gonna look twice at me?"

Apple Bloom shrugged. "Well, it's simple," she said. "You look around for a guy you'd wanna take a roll in th' hay with, you go up to 'im, an' you say 'hey, Ah wanna fuck, you in?'"

Applejack pulled a face. "Now come on, Apple Bloom," she said sourly.

"Ah mean it!" Apple Bloom retorted. "That's all you gotta do! Jes' grab a guy you like, take 'im aside, ask 'im to plow yer field!"

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "It's that simple, huh."

Apple Bloom blushed and ducked her head. "W-well...that's...y'know..." She coughed. "Think Ah'm gonna grab that drink now..."

"Hey, you git back here!" Applejack cried as Apple Bloom practically ran to the kitchen. When she was gone, Applejack sighed, blowing upward on her bangs. "Dang it all, that girl..." She shook her head. "Well, long as Granny don't catch 'er." She looked at the television, not really seeing it, her mind's eye staring off into the distance.

"Jes' ask, huh...?"

* * * * *

"'Jes' ask' mah ass," Applejack muttered as she sat down heavily at the Rainbooms' table in the cafeteria on Friday.

Her friends blinked at her.

"Just ask your ass what?" Pinkie asked. "Oh! Is this some new magic? Do you have a Magic Ass-Ball?"

Rainbow snickered. "Maybe we're supposed to ask her ass what the cafeteria's serving today!"

Sunset slapped them both upside the head. "What's eating you, Applejack?"

"Whut's eatin' me is ain't nobody wants t' eat me," Applejack said sourly as she opened her drink. Twilight pulled a spittake and had to pound at her chest for a moment. The rest of the girls stared at Applejack, puzzled.

"...come again?" Rainbow asked.

"Ah ain't even come th' one time, that's th' problem," Applejack muttered.

"Umm..." Rarity said, holding up a slim white finger. "I..." She sighed, dropping her head. "Got nothing."

"Umm..." Fluttershy piped up hesitantly, "is this about you grabbing random boys in the hallway all morning and asking them to have sex with you?"

Heads slowly turned from Fluttershy to Applejack.

"WHAT?!" Sunset cried.

Applejack winced. "Ah got some bad advice from mah little sis, alright? Ah jes'..." She played with her spork. "Ah wanna git mah field plowed, but ain't nobody offerin'."

Rainbow laughed in disbelief. "You?! You want to have sex."

Applejack frowned at her. "Yeah, so?"

Rainbow shook her head. "Sorry, it's just...you want to have sex."

"Whut's so wrong about that?"

"Absolutely nothing, darling," Rarity said, giving Rainbow Dash a vicious glare. "But...perhaps your, ah...method needs refinement."

"I don't really think that's the problem," Sunset said. At that moment, one of the boys in the Drama Club walked past their table. She reached out and caught him by the sleeve. "Hey," she said. "You, me, the east wing supply room after school. Anything goes but anal. You in?"

The boy's eyes widened, and a flush took over his face. "H-hell yeah I'm in," he said.

As he walked away, his gait halting, Sunset smirked at her friends, raising an eyebrow pointedly at Rarity.

Rarity coughed. "Y-yes, well...that may work for you, darling, but—"

"Umm, excuse me," Fluttershy said to another boy who passed by, playing with her hair. "If you meet me under the bleachers on the soccer field after school, I'll give you a blowjob."

"I'll be there," the boy said before going on his way.

"Ahem, yes, well," Rarity said, staring at Fluttershy in disbelief. "Be that as it may, it simply isn't that—"

Twilight wrote something down in her notebook and tore off a sheet of paper. She got up and walked over to the table where most of the mathletes hung out. After speaking to them for a minute, she returned, slightly red-faced.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "What was that all about?"

"I told them the first one to solve the equation I gave them and text me the correct answer can touch my boobs."

Her phone started buzzing like crazy.

Rarity sighed. "I give up," she said, giving Applejack a pained grimace. "Sorry, darling, but...it appears it is that simple."

Applejack's head thumped against the table. "Great," she muttered. "So it's me."

Rainbow Dash, for her part, was looking around the table like her friends were all crazy. "Did...did you just promise sex to random guys just to prove a point?"

The girls looked at each other. "Pretty much," Sunset said.

"Umm...yes?" Fluttershy said, blushing.

"I just wanted to see if that would even work," Twilight admitted, her face flushed. "But...I guess I'm okay with the results?"

"So whut's th' dang problem?" Applejack thundered suddenly, throwing up her arms. "If it's that easy for a gal t' get laid around here, how am Ah comin' up a big ol' goose egg?"

A pointed cough intruded on their conversation. They all looked up into the stern face of Principal Celestia.

"Girls," Celestia said quietly, "you do understand I'm running a school here, not a brothel, right?"

The girls gulped nervously. "Y-yes, Principal Celestia," they all said.

"Then I would appreciate if you would all not cause a scene like you've been doing," Celestia said firmly. As the girls looked away in shame, she sighed and leaned close. "I know girls your age have needs. I was your age once. Luna could tell you some...interesting stories, if not for the fact that I would probably strangle her. But whatever choices you make about certain things...please make them carefully and don't...broadcast them to the whole school, alright?"

"Yes, Principal Celestia," the girls chorused, shamefaced.

"Very well then. Consider this a warning." She turned to leave, then paused and glanced back. "By the way, Applejack? The problem is you. Or, more to the point, the boys are afraid of you."

Applejack blinked. "Huh?"

Celestia rolled her eyes. "You're stronger than any five boys at this school. They're all terrified you're going to crush them." With that, she walked away.

Applejack sat there, eyes wide. The other girls watched her, blinking.

"Well," Applejack said with a sigh. "Damn."

"I'm so sorry, Applejack," Fluttershy said quietly.

"It seems...hmm..." Rarity drawled. She let out a sigh. "Yes..."

"That's such a load," Rainbow said with a groan, patting Applejack on the shoulder. "Guess you need a nice sturdy dildo."

"Hmm," Pinkie mused. "Or maybe..."

The girls all looked at her. She looked around the cafeteria, then motioned for them to lean in closer. "Maybe the guys won't be so scared of getting hurt if there's more than one guy, you know? Safety in numbers and all that."

Applejack frowned. "Wait, whut?"

"I like where this is going," Rainbow said with a sleazy grin...

* * * * *

That Sunday, in an epic six hour gangbang, Applejack finally got her field plowed. And then some. She lay in a pool of spooge in the grass in a secluded corner of Sweet Apple Acres, a silly grin plastered across her cum-splattered face. All around her, five members of the Wondercolts defensive line lay sprawled out on the ground, groaning.

Two of them had to be carried out on stretchers.

One of them suffered a shattered femur and never played football again.

Just Guys Fapping

Author's Note

Just a reminder that everyone in this story is 18 or older. :raritywink:

(And yes, this chapter does contain a callback to a certain chapter of Just Girls Talking.)

Just Guys Fapping

The laptop screen was the only light in the room.

Even with the volume turned down low, the lustful moans coming from the speakers easily carried to Snips' ears. He watched, grinning eagerly, as the woman's hand caressed her dusky blue thigh before teasing her sex, spreading it open, baring her glistening folds for the camera. Her other hand kneaded one of her firm, round breasts as her chest heaved. Slowly, one finger dipped into that honey pot, and Snips leaned back in his chair, hand going down his pants.

The camera never showed anything above her neck. Sometimes, she moved forward a little too much, and came so close, ever so close, to having at least part of her face show up in the video.

Flash really wished she'd show her face. Even just her mouth, maybe just to lick one of those huge black dildos she liked shoving into her pussy. She never would, of course; the enigmatic "Diana" was very careful to show her fans just about everything but her face.

Today, she had her rear to the camera. Her asshole sucked eagerly at a small pink vibrator as she moaned, her breath hitching. Through his headphones, he heard an occasional whispered "Oh God" or "Mmm" or "Ahh, shit." Always whispered, or in such a ragged tone of voice that it'd be impossible to identify her, even though he felt like the voice sounded faintly familiar.

In her other hand, she had a knobbly dildo and was thrusting it into her pussy while she went at her ass with the vibrator.

Watching this hot slut get herself off for her webcam audience...it was the only time Scootaloo could actually be a boy, not the fake girl he had to be for the rest of the world. Lotion and tissues at the ready, stroking himself off in time to the blue chick in the video, Scoots often filled in that never-seen face with the girl he'd love to see doing this. He could see wild rainbow hair flailing around as she worked herself over, her ass practically grinding against the camera, just for him...

"Oh yeah," Zephyr Breeze said with a sleazy grin as he watched "Diana" finger herself. Furiously, he pumped away—

"ZEPHYR BREEZE!"

"Crap."

Splurt!

"Oh my GOD, what are you—why are you doing THAT in my—you did NOT just jizz all over my laptop! Oh my GOD, I am going to KILL YOU!"

"I-it was an accident, sis! I swear, I—"

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM BEFORE I NEUTER YOU! UGH!"

Zephyr tore out of the room, his dick flapping loose. Fluttershy growled in disgust, staring at the mess on her laptop screen. "Why in the..." She frowned at the video which was still playing. "Oh, come on! I do not want something like that in my browsing hist—oh my. Oh...oh, she can't possibly fit that in there...wow..."

"It's Trixie. Gotta be Trixie."

"What, with her ego? She'd want you to know it's her. I bet it's that girl from Crystal Prep. You know, Sugarcoat? She has a nice big ass like that."

"Oh yeah, I remember her. Unf. Yeah, it could be her."

Catching part of the conversation between two jocks, Sunset Shimmer frowned. "Wonder what that's all about?"

Fluttershy blushed furiously. "If...if it's what I think it is, well..." She coughed. "I caught my brother jerking off to one of those webcam things, where a woman, umm...masturbates in front of her webcam?"

"You mean a camwhore?" Sunset rolled her eyes. "Figures. Your brother would be that desperate and pathetic."

"He's also grounded for a month for using my computer to watch that stuff. And, umm...for making a mess on it."

Sunset turned green. "Eww."

"Yeah. Mom and Dad are making him pay for my new computer out of his allowance and seeing about making him get a job. I, umm...I don't wanna touch that one anymore."

"I don't blame you." Sunset frowned. "I doubt these guys are talking about the same thing, though, I mean, watching that stuff is for pathetic losers, right?"

"W-well.." Fluttershy shook her head. "I mean, normal guys look at porn too, you know? And...and girls. I mean, Rainbow Dash, you know? And Rarity reads those...those novels..."

Sunset smirked. "And you have those comics..."

"A-anyway!" Fluttershy stammered, blushing. "It's just...well, I, um, saw part of the video my brother was watching. Umm...I mean, the girl in that video could've been Trixie or Sugarcoat, it's...it's hard to say. Or even Rainbow Dash, really. You know how it is with lighting and shades of blue."

"Yeah..." Sunset chuckled. "I can't see Rainbow Dash doing something like that, though. I mean, I'd probably do it if I needed some quick cash, but Rainbow?"

"I'm pretty sure it wasn't her," Fluttershy said. "But I bet some guys around here wish it was." She blushed. "Umm...sorry, but can we stop talking about this now?"

"Sure," Sunset said, laughing. "Sorry."

Cheerilee walked into the break room during her off period, looking forward to her afternoon coffee and donut. She saw Vice-Principal Luna sitting at one of the tables, eating a banana as she fiddled with her phone. She almost didn't pay Luna any attention, but then she took a second look. "Is that a Cosmos X8?" she asked, jaw dropping.

Luna looked up. "Hm? Oh, yeah," she said. "Just got it yesterday, still getting it all set up."

Cheerilee whistled. "Wow, those are expensive," she said jealously.

"Yeah," Luna agreed with a shrug. "My webcast is doing pretty good, so I decided to treat myself."

"Webcast?" Cheerilee asked. "Oh, you mean for video games and stuff?"

Luna smirked. "Something like that..."

Just Girls Talking Flurty

The lunch hour at Canterlot High School is a timeless institution. After four hours of morning learning, the hundreds of students gather in the cafeteria to relax with their friends, enjoy the delicious and healthy food provided by the friendly and courteous lunch lady, and give their tired minds a break before the slog of afternoon classes. As was the norm for CHS, some tables were occupied by cliques, others by unlikely groups of friends who gravitated to each other despite being from wildly different walks of life.

One such table was populated by seven teenagers. They were regarded by most of their peers as the most popular, "coolest" kids at CHS, and no matter what was going on at school, no matter how busy their schedules were, no matter who else they hung out with the rest of the time, they always had lunch together, every single day.

"So, Spring Break's coming up," a girl with long, wavy red-and-gold hair said. "I'm thinking of going down to Canterlittle, catch some sun."

"Ooh, that sounds like fun! I'd love to show off my bikini body on the beach!"

"Hmm. Ah reckon Ah could slip away a spell. Shucks, Ah don't wanna spend mah whole break doin' chores."

"Well if you girls are goin', you know I'm—"

A high, ringing chime filled the air, followed by a bright golden flash which lit up the entire cafeteria. All conversation stopped, every eye turning to the source of the flash.

Shocked gasps, startled exclamations, and a few screams filled the silence. Then, after a beat, a lot of wolf-whistles and catcalls followed suit.

Phones were whipped out and pointed at the source of the disturbance.

"Whut th' HELL is THAT?!" cried a girl with bright red freckled skin, violet eyes, and long, curly orange hair.

"That" appeared to be a teenage girl, much the same age as most of the teens present in the cafeteria, with pale greyish-pink skin, a slender build, long legs, large, firm breasts, bright blue eyes, and curly pink and violet hair with blue streaks.

But a couple of things about her weren't quite...right.

Like the large pair of feathery pink wings sprouting from her back.

Or the long, curly tail that hung from her lower back, matching her hair perfectly.

Or the long, tapered horn jutting from her forehead.

Or the pair of upright pony ears that peeked up through her hair.

Or the fact that her face, while quite attractive, couldn't be called a human face by even the most generous definition, given that she had a short, rounded muzzle.

She was also completely naked.

"I dunno, but I wanna fuck her," said a boy with dark blue skin, wild, choppy rainbow-colored hair, and dark red eyes.

"Pervert," the redhead sitting next to him muttered, slapping him upside the head.

"I'm kinda with Blaze on that one," another boy said. Handsome, with sharp cheekbones and stormy grey eyes, he had dusty purple skin and short, tousled dark pink hair. He wore black jeans, a black leather jacket over a grey T-shirt, black loafers with white socks, and horn-rimmed glasses. He leaned back in his chair, arms spread across the back. "And I don't often say that."

"Ugh," the redhead groaned. "You're both perverts..."

"Oh come on!" Blaze cried, throwing out a hand to gesture at the naked alien girl, who was looking around wildly, her eyes wide and confused. "Look at her! She's more stacked than you, Dawn!"

"He's not wrong," another girl at the table said laconically. She had dark yellow skin, red eyes, and dyed black hair that was a soft pink at the roots. She wore tight leather pants, a tight leather coat, and tight high-heeled leather boots.

"Guys?" the fourth girl at the table said. This girl had pale yellow skin, sleek golden-brown hair with a wavy, almost random bright pink streak that looked like cupcake icing, and bright blue eyes. She wore a pink sweater with a picture of a cow on the front, along with the word "MOO" which went right across her ample bosom, as well as indigo jean shorts and pink flats. "Maaaybe instead of fighting over Blazie and Dusky being perverts and whether or not the naked alien girl has a better body than Dawn-Dawn, we should worry more about why there's a naked alien girl in the cafeteria and, umm...maybe try to take her someplace where it's a little less not-right to be naked?"

"Miss Pie is right," the last member of the group, a boy with cocoa cream skin, bright red hair, and green eyes, wearing crisply-pressed black slacks with shiny black loafers, a white button-down dress shirt, and a black tie said, standing up. "We should intervene—"

"WHAT is going on here?"

"—or perhaps not," he finished, sitting back down.

Magenta heels clicked sharply across the tiles of the cafeteria as the noise level dropped to nothing. A tall, gorgeous woman with amber skin and snapping teal eyes, dressed in a magenta skirt, blazer, and heels with a seafoam green blouse, walked briskly between the tables, her wavy copper-and-gold hair bouncing and swaying as she walked. She cast withering eyes at any student whose phone was out; phones were quickly put away, their owners shifting guiltily.

"Young lady, why are you parading around naked—" she began, then trailed off, looking the naked girl up and down. Her brow furrowed, her mouth working in confusion. "What in the—" She squinted as she studied the girl's inhuman face. Her eyes widened. "Flurry Heart?!" she whispered.

The girl rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "Umm...hi, Auntie Sunset," she said. She looked around. "Wow, is this Canterlot High? It's...kinda cold here..."

Principal Sunset Shimmer raised an eyebrow. "You're naked," she pointed out. "Which, incidentally, isn't really a good idea in this world, so if you could—"

Flurry Heart blinked. She looked around again. Saw that everyone in the cafeteria was wearing clothes except her. "Huh. My bad." Her horn glowed with a bright golden aura, and a fuzzy pink bathrobe with rose and violet trim appeared out of thin air, wrapping itself around her body and cinching itself loosely with a cream-colored sash. Matching fuzzy slippers appeared on the floor, and she stepped into them. "Better?"

"It'll do," Sunset said. She frowned. "Now, what in the he—actually, why are you—" She shook her head. "I have so many questions." She sighed. "Come with me to my office, I'll...I'll write to your aunt..."

"Principal Shimmer?" Sunset looked behind her to see seven students approaching, varying looks of concern and confusion on their faces. The speaker was the girl who, for all intents and purposes, looked identical to her. "What's going on? Is this...is this an Equestria thing?"

Sunset sighed. "Don't worry about it, Dawn. I'll take care of it."

Dawn frowned. "Mom," she said patiently, "you know you need us to run damage control."

"Besides, we wanna get to know this weird alien girl! Hi, I'm Bibi Pie, what's your name?"

"I'm Flurry Heart," Flurry said, looking the group over. "Wow, I think I actually recognize a couple of you." She frowned. "Not most of you, though. Huh."

Sunset groaned. "Fine," she snapped. "You kids can come along if you want. Blaze, I know what you're thinking, and don't even."

"I wasn't—" Prism Blaze broke off at Sunset's quelling glare, gulping as her hand moved to the pendant dangling around her neck. He gulped, then shoved his hands in the pockets of his windbreaker. "Well she started it by being naked," he said petulantly.

Flurry tilted her head. "Started what?"

"Nevermind," Sunset said.

"Pervert-boy here only has one thing on his mind," Cinnamon Apple said with a smirk. "It's all about sex with him. If you don't put him in his place, he won't let up."

"Oh," Flurry said. She looked Blaze up and down, then blushed faintly. "Well, I'll think about it," she said with a smile.

"YES! Dude, score!" Blaze cheered, pumping a fist. All four girls in the group slapped him upside the head.

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Why'd I take this stupid job again?" Shaking her head, she marched out of the cafeteria, the group of teenagers following behind her.

* * * * *

Since she had a crowd of kids determined to trail after her, Principal Shimmer abandoned the idea of taking Flurry to her cramped office, and instead led the group to the conference lounge, stopping only long enough to pick up her journal. While she wrote a message to Princess Twilight Sparkle, the seven CHS students went around the table introducing themselves...or re-introducing themselves, in some cases.

"I'm Dawn Shimmer," Sunset's daughter said. "Principal Shimmer's my mom."

"Prism Blaze," Blaze said with a lazy grin. "Son of the world's most famous super-hot rock star!"

"And notorious pervert," Dawn muttered.

The freckled red girl with the curly orange hair waved as she took off her cowboy hat and laid it in her lap. "Howdy," she said. "Ah'm Cinnamon Apple."

"Dusk Horizon," the purple boy with the glasses said.

"Eris," the goth girl said in a bored tone.

"My name is Alto Sax," the well-dressed boy said.

"And I'm Bibi Pie!" Bibi said cheerfully. "Hi again!"

Flurry tilted her head. "Bibi? That's a weird name. I mean, I'm guessing you're Auntie Pinkie's kid, but that doesn't sound like—"

Blaze gave a sleazy grin. "Her real name is—"

"Don't say it," Bibi growled.

Blaze's eyes lit up with mischief. "It's—"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Bibi warned, half-rising from her chair.

"BANANA CREAM PIE!" Blaze yelled, cackling.

"AHHHH!" Bibi launched herself over the table at him, hands outstretched into grasping claws.

"BIBI!" Principal Shimmer snapped. Bibi froze in mid-air, completely ignoring the laws of gravity as she hung a full foot over the top of the table.

Flurry frowned. Her horn lit up; Bibi disappeared in a flash and reappeared, looking slightly frazzled, in the chair next to her. "Umm...I don't understand," she said. "Why are you so mad at him?"

"Bibi really hates her given name," Dawn explained.

Bibi dug her fingers into her hair. "Mom and Dad are so stupid," she muttered. "I mean, hello? Banana Cream Pie? What were they thinking?! I can't walk around with a name like Cream Pie, that's...that's humiliating! And I can't even work with Banana, I mean, it's a dumb name and if I shorten it to Nana I sound like, well...old!" She sighed. "So I started going by Bibi."

Flurry's brow furrowed in confusion. "Okay, the Banana part I get, but what's wrong with Cream Pie?"

"Seriously?" Cinnamon asked, raising an eyebrow.

Bibi groaned and whispered something in Flurry's ear. Flurry's eyes widened. "Okay, yeah, that's bad," she agreed. "Yeesh."

Principal Shimmer rolled her eyes and smiled. "Okay, if you kids are done with the introductions and the comedy routine," she said, snapping the journal closed, "it's time for Flurry to answer a few questions. Starting with what the hell happened to you?" She looked Flurry over in concern. "Is something wrong with the portal? You came out...stuck like that?" A nauseated grimace twisted her face. "Should I warn Twilight not to come? Are you...are you okay, does it hurt? I—"

Flurry held up a hand to stall her. "Umm...actually? I did this to myself," she said sheepishly.

Principal Shimmer trailed off. "...what?"

Flurry poked her fingertips together. "It was...brthdyprsntfrmbyfrnd," she mumbled.

Principal Shimmer frowned. "I'm sorry, would you repeat that?" she demanded sternly.

"It's a birthday present for my boyfriend," Flurry repeated, cheeks flushing. "Umm..." She ducked her head. "The last time Auntie Twilight was here, she brought Mom and Dad some...some magazines from your world as, y'know, a..." She shook her head. "A-anyway, they showed human couples, umm...you know..."

Principal Shimmer stared at her, nonplussed. "Porno mags? Twilight gave your mom and dad porno mags?"

"She thought they'd be interested!" Flurry said defensively. "And they were, they really were!" She sighed. "Anyway, I...I wanted to see too, so I snuck one out of their bedroom. Then my boyfriend saw it, and..." She smiled a silly smile. "He got super turned on by it, so I thought I'd surprise him for his birthday by turning myself into a human girl." She shrugged helplessly. "I kinda screwed it up though," she admitted.

"Kinda...kinda screwed it up," Dawn repeated flatly. "Kinda screwed it up?"

"Hey, she got the important parts right at least," Blaze said. Dawn slapped him upside the head.

"So that's why you have a porn star body?" Bibi asked. "You were copying dirty magazines?"

Flurry blushed. "A-actually," she said, "I...I was trying to make my body look like Auntie Sunset's. I mean, from pictures Auntie Twiley showed me."

A silence fell across the table. Seven pairs of eyes slowly turned to stare at Principal Shimmer.

Principal Shimmer ducked her head and coughed into a fist, covering a blush. "Ahem. Alright, that...that more or less explains your...appearance," she said. "S-so, umm...when is this spell supposed to wear off?"

Flurry gave her own fake cough, her ears drooping. "I've, umm...I've been stuck this way for two and a half weeks," she said. "Auntie...Auntie Twilight thinks it might be permanent..."

Principal Shimmer gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. "Oh Celestia," she whispered. "Oh, Flurry, I'm so sor—"

"Oh, it's not so bad," Flurry said with a smile. "I actually kinda like it! Sure I get some funny looks sometimes and, well..." Her ears flattened against her skull. "Mom and Dad had a fit and there was this whole misunderstanding and Dad may or may not have declared war on Discord before I explained the whole thing..." She coughed. "Umm. But anyway, yeah...they calmed down, and Auntie Twilight's still trying to find a way to undo this, but I told Mom and Dad not to worry because I still have all my magic and stuff, so it doesn't really matter, right?"

Principal Shimmer pinched the bridge of her nose. "Alright, fine," she said. "That's not my problem, my problem is getting you home." She frowned. "But...why'd you come here? I mean..." Her frown deepened, furrows creasing her forehead. "Better question, why'd you come out of the portal naked? That shouldn't have happened..."

Flurry laughed sheepishly. "I...didn't come through the portal," she said.

"She just kind of appeared in the middle of the cafeteria in a flash of light," Dawn supplied.

Principal Shimmer blinked. "What?"

"Okay so you know how I said I still have all my magic?" Flurry began in a rush. "Well...sometimes it fritzes up a little bit. I...kinda accidentally teleported myself here? I don't know how, I was just popping down to the kitchen for a snack. Next thing I know, I'm here." She shrugged.

Principal Shimmer's face went pale. "You mean you're officially a missing princess?"

"I guess?"

The journal started to glow and vibrate.

Principal Shimmer stared at it as though it were a live cobra.

"Oh horseapples..."

Rolling her eyes, Dawn picked it up and read the note aloud. "Dear Sunset: Thank you for letting me know about Flurry. I'm surprised she managed to teleport herself to another dimension! I'm letting Cadance and Shining Armor know where she is so they don't completely freak out. Umm...which you're probably already doing because of the, umm...anthromorph form she's presently in. Which...well, she probably explained it, but it's not a portal accident, don't worry. Just sit tight, I'll open the portal and come get her as soon as I can, but I'm in Appleloosa right now and can't get away. It might be a couple of days, but I trust you to look after my niece and keep her safe. Flurry, you behave yourself over there! Love, Twilight."

Principal Shimmer sighed. "Okay, fine," she said tiredly. "I guess you'll have to come stay at our place until Twilight can come get you."

"Great!" Flurry said cheerfully. She looked at Prism Blaze, then at Dusk Horizon. She grinned. "I think I'm gonna enjoy this little vacation..."

"NO ENJOYING!" Principal Shimmer screamed. "This is already messed up enough without...without you...enjoying things, young lady!"

Flurry pouted. "Awwww..."

Author's Note

Did I just create an entire Equestria Girls next generation cast for the express purpose of a gag where anthro teen Flurry Heart pops up naked in the middle of the CHS cafeteria?

Yes. Yes I did.

And like many of my really stupid ideas, this thing massively got away from me.

At the very least, we'll be seeing these characters again from time to time in the Talking stories.

Far more realistic outcome? Yet another goddamn spinoff story. @_@;;

Anyway, character notes:
Dusk Horizon: Twilight Sparkle's son. For all intents and purposes, he's a teenage Ian Malcolm.
Dawn Shimmer: Sunset and Flash's daughter. Looks, dresses, and acts exactly like her mother. Wears her own variant of the outfit Sunset wore in the first two movies, but with heels instead of boots.
Banana Cream "Bibi" Pie: The daughter of Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich. Has an affinity for Mabel Pines-style sweaters. Personality-wise, she's basically a toned-down Pinkie Pie with a healthy dose of teen angst to temper the crazy. She has her parents' reality-warper abilities.
Prism Blaze: Rainbow Dash's son. Looks like his grandpa, dresses like a slacker, and is every bit as perverted as his mom. Has been trying to get into Dawn's pants since middle school.
Alto Sax: The son of Sweetie Belle and Button Mash. Very proper, very formal, very stuffy. Always dresses like it's picture day.
Cinnamon Apple: The daughter of Big Macintosh and Sugar Belle. Looks and dresses like pretty much all the Apples, but takes more after her auntie Apple Bloom than her parents. Very sassy.
"Eris": Fluttershy's daughter. Real name unknown. Father unknown. Disaffected goth teen.

And of course:
Flurry Heart: Crown Princess of the Crystal Empire. To her parents' consternation, she seems to be vying for the title of Princess of Lust. Managed to get herself stuck in an anthro body while trying to give her latest boyfriend a kinky surprise for his birthday. Isn't particularly bothered by (a) being an anthro, (b) being trapped in another dimension, or (c) wandering around naked.

And yes, she's 18.

There's some other characters I've created that didn't appear in this, but we may see them in the future.

One Warm Spring Afternoon...

The end of another long day of classes at Canterlot High School. The warm spring weather and the scent of flowers and trees blowing through the open windows made the students long to be anywhere but in class, listening to boring lectures and doing pointless busy work. As the final bell rang, many students left campus, while many others headed for their afterschool activities on-campus: the marching band met in the band hall for afternoon practice, other student musicians occupied the music room, the Cooking Club met up in the Home Ec room, and so forth and so on. The detention chain gang filed into the most boring classroom in the school, where Vice Principal Luna lay in wait. The soccer pitch was being repaired after a spring thunderstorm had damaged it beyond usable condition, so the soccer team was sharing gym floor space with the basketball team, running whatever basic drills they could run indoors.

In the music room, the Rainbooms tuned up for a practice session and impromptu jam with a group of other student musicians. With Rainbow Dash occupied with soccer practice, Sunset Shimmer took over on lead guitar and vocals; Flash Sentry, Octavia Melody, and DJ-PON3 were all present, ready to join in.

"Think you can keep up with us?" Sunset asked Octavia.

Octavia scoffed. "Please. I am not without experience in more popular music. Perhaps you will have difficulty keeping up with us," she added, flashing a smirk to DJ-PON3, who smirked back and flashed a thumbs-up as she ran through a systems check.

"Alright," Sunset said with a chuckle. "Well, Fluttershy wrote a new song, so let's start, and—"

The PA crackled to life. The group blinked, looking at each other, then at the speaker. When several seconds passed in silence, Sunset shrugged. "Huh. Okay, let's—"

A loud thump and the sound of things being pushed around came from the PA speaker.

Flash scratched his head. "Principal Celestia must be straightening her desk and turned on the PA by mistake," he said.

"Probably," Applejack agreed. "Alright, ready when y'all—"

A hushed, inaudible mumble of conversation crackled out of the PA, along with a loud breath. The Rainbooms and guests shot irritated glares at the PA. Sunset shook her head. "I'll go down and tell her she's got the PA on," she said. "Just hang tight a—"

The next sound out of the speaker made Sunset freeze in her tracks:

Soft, muffled moaning, undeniably Principal Celestia, punctuated by a wet slurping noise, accompanied by a male voice grunting and breathing heavily.

"Uhhh..." Flash said, swallowing and staring at the PA speaker as though he was a deer facing oncoming headlights.

The slurping, muffled moaning, and grunting continued...

* * * * *

The cooking club stared at the PA, mixers and rolling pins and measuring spoons forgotten. Students whispered back and forth to each other. Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon looked at each other with wide eyes, then back at the speaker. "That can't possibly be—"

* * * * *

"—what it sounds like, can it?" Trixie Lulamoon asked, blinking confusedly at the PA speaker in the cafeteria.

"Uhh...yyyyeah," Bulk Biceps said quietly, red eyes wide. "I mean, I think so? I've never actually heard it in person..."

"I have," Ditzy Doo said. "That's exactly what it is." She took a bite of a blueberry muffin.

Trixie blinked and stared at her. "And when have you heard that?" she demanded.

Ditzy snorted. "I do have a boyfriend," she said. Blushing, she added, "I...can't actually get him in my mouth, he's way too big, but..."

"OKAY OKAY! TOO MUCH INFO—"

* * * * *

"Dude," Soarin said. Soccer and basketball practice had ground completely to a halt. Everyone, even the coaches, stared in shock at the PA.

Rainbow Dash's jaw was nearly on the floor. "Holy crap, Principal Celestia's giving somebody a blowjob in her office? Just...right in her office, just like that?"

Coach Spitfire blew her whistle sharply. "RAINBOW DASH!" she yelled.

"What?" Rainbow cried, throwing a hand at the speaker. "I mean, come on! Whaddya want? The principal's doin' THAT an' we can ALL HEAR IT!"

Miss Harshwhinny, who doubled as the basketball coach, rushed over, a scowl on her face. "Coach Spitfire," she said brusquely, "this is intolerable. This is insufferable! This is inexcusable!"

Spitfire rolled her eyes. "No shit, you think?" she snapped. "Here's an idea, why don't you go down there and tell her we can all hear...THAT?"

The grunting rose in volume, then trailed off, followed by a cough and a retch. "Oka—*cough*—okay, your turn," Celestia's voice issued, husky and a bit strangled.

"And there went the cum," Rainbow Dash said flatly as all the boys in the gym struggled to look anywhere but at the girls.

Miss Harshwhinny's scowl deepened. "Ahem. Yes. I...think not," she said. "Besides, surely her sister will—"

* * * * *

Vice-Principal Luna buried her face in her hands as the sounds of rustling cloth and moving bodies issued from the speaker, followed by a different kind of wet, slick slurping and sharp, pitched gasps from Celestia. She dragged her hands down her face just enough to look out at the detention gang with flat, dead eyes. "Go," she said. "Just...just go."

Snips and Snails grinned lasciviously. "No way!" Snips said. "And miss this?!"

Luna glared at them. "Go now or it's two weeks of extra detention," she said.

The boys exchanged a glance. "Worth it," they said in unison.

Luna sighed. "Fine." She looked at Scootaloo. "And you?"

Scootaloo ducked her head. "I, uhh..."

* * * * *

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle stared at the PA, their homework long forgotten, as the sounds of Principal Celestia being eaten out continued to issue forth. Across the table from them, Twilight Sparkle's face was flushed, her glasses hanging precariously on the tip of her nose.

"Okay! Kids!" Miss Cheerilee said a little too brightly. "I think it's time to CLOSE the library now, so if you'd—"

"Yeah yeah, go ahead," Apple Bloom said. "We'll jes' go meet our sisters in th' music room, so—"

Cheerilee facepalmed. "Nevermind," she growled as she stormed off to the stacks to loudly, noisily shelve some books.

* * * * *

The girls and one boy in the music room stood around in awkward silence, staring at the PA. Most of them were beet-red. Fluttershy was keeping up a quiet littany of "oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness" in the corner.

"Wow," Pinkie said at length. "Whoever he is, he's really going after it."

"Surely she must...must be aware the entire campus can hear this...right?" Rarity asked, fanning herself and refusing to look anybody in the eye.

For his part, Flash Sentry was acutely aware he was the lone boy in a room full of very attractive girls. The sounds from the PA had stirred a certain...reaction he couldn't control, and he did his best to hide it behind his guitar, but the pressure only grew more unbearable the longer it dragged on, made all the worse by the company in which he was listening to their, frankly, very attractive principal being pleasured. "Umm...I..." He coughed.

"Need to run to the bathroom and jerk off?" Pinkie suggested. Everyone stared at Flash; many of the girls were smirking.

"Uhh..." Flash ducked his head, his face and ears burning red.

"Ahh...nngh...oh god..."

"You're so wet...the smell's driving me crazy."

"I'm burning up...god, it's been so long..."

The group looked at each other, eyes wide as they realized what was about to happen.

"Umm...should we l-leave the school and...and maybe not listen to this?" Fluttershy asked.

"We positively, absolutely should," Octavia said firmly.

Nobody moved.

The sound of things being shoved off Celestia's desk onto the floor shook the PA speaker.

"So we're all gonna stay here and listen to some random guy rail our principal?" Sunset asked, looking around the room. Everyone shrugged guiltily. "Okay then," Sunset said, sitting down and setting her guitar aside.

* * * * *

"God, it's been so long..."

"Holy crap she sounds pent up," Lyra said.

The sound of things being shoved off Celestia's desk onto the floor shook the PA speaker.

Celestia's heavy, desperate breathing came, distorted, as she neared the microphone. They heard the clicking and tapping of something striking the receiver.

* * * * *

Celestia let out a sharp gasp, followed by a low, ragged moan. The muffled sound of flesh slapping against flesh, barely audible underneath Celestia's breathing, filled the silence of the cafeteria.

"Trixie...does not know how to feel about what she is hearing right now," Trixie said tonelessly.

"Wow, doing it on her own desk," Ditzy said in an impressed tone. "Never expected that kind of thing from Principal Celestia." She frowned. "I've put muffins on that desk..."

Bulk Biceps had his eyes closed. His body was shuddering, soft hisses of breath escaping him. The girls eyed him oddly. "Uhh..."

"Quiet," Bulk said. "I'm putting myself in that room in my mind..."

"EW!" Trixie cried. "Pervert!"

"I don't think either of us have room to call anybody else a pervert," Ditzy pointed out. "I mean, we're sitting here listening to this."

Trixie frowned. "You have a point," she admitted sourly.

The slapping sound of flesh on flesh grew louder and sharper, and Celestia moaned louder...

* * * * *

The slapping sound of flesh on flesh grew louder and sharper, and Celestia moaned louder...

The coaches had tried to restore order, then given up, and were now busy trying to find a way to kill the PA speakers. In the gym, that was easier said than done, as the gym's PA speakers were much more powerful than those in the classrooms and were mounted in the rafters. The basketball and soccer kids milled around, listening to Principal Celestia's lusty romp with a mixture of embarrassed, flustered, confused, nauseated, and lustful reactions.

A boy from the basketball team drifted over into the soccer group. Rainbow barely registered his presence behind her before she felt a hand on her ass, kneading her through her shorts. She absently drove a fist into the groper's gut, then stomped on his foot. He staggered way in pain.

Soarin frowned. "Remind me to report that guy to Vice Principal Luna later," he said.

"Thanks," Rainbow said. She shifted awkwardly, then leaned closer. "I kinda do want my ass grabbed right now," she admitted. "Just...not by some random guy I don't know." She grabbed Soarin's hand and placed it on her crotch.

Soarin stiffened. "Umm..." He coughed. "That...that's not your ass," he said numbly.

"I know," Rainbow said lecherously.

* * * * *

The slapping sound of flesh on flesh grew louder and sharper, and Celestia moaned louder...

"So your sister's kind of a freak, huh?" Snails asked.

Luna glared at him. "She's your principal," she said. "And so am I. Show some respect."

"AAHHH! HARDER!!"

"But yes...Celestia is kind of a freak."

"MORE! GIVE ME MORE!"

"Bikini pictures," Snips said insistently. "I will pay you anything."

Luna stared at him. "Did you just—are you seriously asking me to sell you half-naked pictures of my sister, your principal, for you to drool over and masturbate to?"

"Yes," Snips said. "Yes I am."

"Oooh...OH! OHHHHHHH!"

Luna groaned. "I'll just...I'll just post something on MyStable when I get home," she said. "I'm sure I've got plenty of our vacation pics lying around..."

"I'm gonna come—!"

* * * * *

"I'm gonna come—!"

"YES! COME INSIDE ME! I WANT IT ALL!"

"Holy HELL," Apple Bloom said, eyes wide.

Twilight frowned, adjusting her glasses. "Well that certainly isn't setting a good example for her students," she said.

"Umm...Twilight? I'm pretty sure she doesn't know the PA's on," Sweetie Belle pointed out.

"Huh? Oh. Well...yes, of course. But still!"

"OH GOD! OOOOOOOooooooohhhhhh...."

Twilight fanned herself with a notebook. "W-wow," she breathed heavily. "It's...it's really that good, huh?"

"Eh, not so much th' first time," Apple Bloom said offhandedly. "It gets better."

The others stared at her.

"Uhh...is what they say on TV, Ah mean...heheh..."

* * * * *

"OH GOD! OOOOOOOooooooohhhhhh...."

Flash had long since given up the fight and his decency and was furiously masturbating in the corner. The girls were pointedly ignoring him—or trying to. "HEY! Don't jizz on anything we might have to touch, okay?" Sunset admonished him.

"This is happening," Fluttershy muttered to herself. "This is happening. This is happening..."

The intercom fell largely silent save for the heavy breathing of Celestia and her lover.

"So it's...it's over now, right?" Applejack asked hopefully. "They're done?"

"Sounds like it," Pinkie said, drumming a muted roll followed by a loud cymbal crash that, by sheer coincidence, punctuated the instant Flash blew his load all over the wall.

"Well. That's lovely," Octavia said drolly.

"Perhaps..." Rarity began delicately. "Perhaps we should, ahem, make a discreet exit before she realizes the PA system is on—"

The sound of Celestia's desk scraping across the floor tore out of the speaker, followed by a panicked yell.

"AH! NOT THERE!"

Rarity blinked. "Oh. Oh my."

Applejack frowned. "Now whut'n th'—"

Celestia let out a ragged yell which was punctuated by a loud, hard THUMP as her desk shook.

Everyone stared at the PA speaker.

* * * * *

"AH! NOT THERE!"

Lyra's eyes widened. Bon Bon facepalmed.

Celestia let out a ragged yell which was punctuated by a loud, hard THUMP as her desk shook.

"Buttsex?" Lyra asked quietly.

"Buttsex," Bon Bon answered flatly.

* * * * *

Ditzy's eyes widened. "Oh my gosh," she said as the thumping of the shaking desk and Celestia's sharp, ragged gasps rang out of the PA. "She's taking it up the butt super hard!"

"Trixie is...somewhat impressed," Trixie said. "And...feeling very conflicted about all this..."

"I need to pee," Bulk groaned, crossing his legs.

"Nothing's stopping you," Trixie pointed out archly.

"I DON'T WANNA MISS ANYTHING!"

* * * * *

Quite a few students had disappeared from the gym. The coaches weren't paying attention when the disappearances took place, so they assumed the kids had simply fled and gone home for the day.

If they'd bothered to look under the bleachers, they'd have discovered the truth was vastly different.

Luckily for a few dozen students in serious danger of being suspended, the sound of Principal Celestia getting fucked in the ass drowned out all the very naughty things happening under the bleachers.

* * * * *

The jaws of the kids in detention hung open. Luna had planted her face on her desk, her hair fanned out around her.

"Miss Luna?" Scootaloo asked. "Is...is this normal?"

"Covfefe," Luna mumbled unintelligibly into her magazine.

"Hey, you know," Snips said with a sly grin, "there's enough of us here we could have a lot of fun with Miss Luna."

"Heh, yeah, Luna's pretty hot," Snails agreed with a stupid grin.

Luna lifted her head and glared dully at them. "Don't poke the bear," she growled.

"Uhh, we weren't gonna poke a bear, eh?" Snails said. "We were gonna poke y—"

Luna picked up a large pair of scissors that sat on the corner of the desk and made one loud, deliberate snip.

"Uhh...sorry," Snails said.

"Yeah, it's...it's just the...y'know...thing goin' on up there! It's gettin' to us!" Snips said frantically.

Celestia's desk thumped so hard the PA squealed. She let out a wild, animalistic yowl.

Luna sighed. "I'm outta here," she said. "You kids...jerk off or something. I don't care anymore."

"TOO HAAAAAAARD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

* * * * *

"TOO HAAAAAAARD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

Cheerilee rolled her eyes and snorted. "Oh, come on," she said derisively. "A woman your age can't take it up the ass without screaming like a prom queen getting her cherry popped?"

The girls at the study table spluttered and stared at her. "WHAT?!" Twilight cried.

Cheerilee stiffened, her face going pale. "Nothing!" she squeaked, turning on her heel and marching robotically away.

"Oh shit...your ass is pulling me in..."

* * * * *

"Oh shit...your ass is pulling me in..."

"Ah did NOT need t' hear that!" Applejack ranted at the speaker.

"COME INSIDE MY ASS!" Celestia screamed. "GIVE ME ALL YOUR CUM!"

Octavia turned faintly green. "I would never have suspected Principal Celestia to have...quite this side to her personality..."

"In other words, she's super freaky," DJ-PON3 said, her glasses halfway down her nose, revealing her wide, astonished red eyes.

A series of sharp thumps punctuated by hard slaps sounded from the PA, accompanied by fast, loud grunts. Then, suddenly, it all just stopped.

"Haaa...haaaaaaa..." Celestia panted.

"Welp," Sunset said dryly. "That's it. Show's over."

"You sure about that?" Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh god...you're amazing," the man's voice said huskily. "You took it all the way in, damn..."

Celestia exhaled a long, slow breath. "It's been years since I had a man in my ass," she said. "Shit...you need to clear out before anybody sees you, there's still kids here..."

"Oh fuck, right," her lover said. "Call you later."

Clothes rustled and zipped. The office door opened and closed. Silence fell, save for Celestia's heavy breathing, which slowly tapered away. They heard her fumbling around, getting dressed, straightening her office.

The group looked at each other awkwardly.

"Well...that happened," Sunset said.

"Yeah, that happened a lot," Pinkie agreed.

"Umm...I think we...we should probably call it quits for the day," Fluttershy said. "Umm...I don't think I can concentrate on music right now."

Sunset grimaced. "Yeah," she agreed, picking up her guitar and her gig bag and starting to put it away. She glanced over at Flash. "Go wash your hands before you pack up," she said.

"Yeah yeah," Flash grumbled.

"Here, lemme get that door for you," Pinkie said hastily. "Don't want you touching it with your cum-cum hands!"

"Ha ha," Flash said sourly. As he left the room, he made a point of running his hand through Pinkie's hair, smirking at her in passing.

"EWWWWWW," Rarity opinied. "Gross gross gross!"

"Eh, that wasn't the hand he was fapping with," Pinkie said absently. "I was watching the whole time." She noticed everybody staring at her. "Whaaaat?"

* * * * *

Luna leaned against the wall outside Celestia's office, arms folded, tapping a finger against her forearm. Students had filed past her on their way out of the building, none of them daring to look her in the eye.

Celestia walked stiffly out, her clothes noticeably rumpled, her hair tossed and tumbled. "Oh! Hello, Luna. Shouldn't you still be minding detention?"

Luna shot her a glare. "I should be putting you in detention," she said sourly. "Did you enjoy your little afternoon delight?"

Celestia blinked, feigning innocence. "Why, I have no idea what—"

"I believe we should move the PA system to my office for a while," Luna said testily. "At least until you can learn the difference between a microphone that's off and one that's on." With that, she turned on her heel and stalked crisply away.

Celestia frowned in confusion. "Microphone? Wha—" Her eyes widened. She rushed back into her office...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" everybody who was still on campus heard, before the PA system was clicked sharply off.

Just Girls Talking About Make-Out Songs? (written by DrakeyC)

Author's Note

(This is a guest chapter written by DrakeyC, who asked to post it here since it's too short to do anything else with it.)

Just Girls Talking About Make-Out Songs? (written by DrakeyC)

Sitting behind the passenger seat of Fluttershy’s minivan, Rainbow Dash’s eyes lit up at the opening notes of a song thumping in front of her. “Oh, oh, turn it up!” She pointed excitedly at the radio.

Applejack leaned forward and turned the volume knob. The song filled the interior of the car as Rainbow grinned and started to dance in her seat.

“Spectacle?” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you listened to Coloratura, Rainbow Dash.”

“I don’t, not really.” She shrugged in the middle of her dance. “I just made out to this song once and now it kinda gets me hot remembering it.”

Fluttershy wrinkled her nose from the driver’s seat. Applejack leaned around the passenger seat. “Too much info there, R.D.”

“What?” Rainbow snorted. “Come on, it’s a good make-out song!”

“A make-out song?” Fluttershy replied.

“Sure!” Pinkie grinned, sitting in the back seat with Sunset and Twilight. “You know, that good thumping, pounding beat! Get ya going about the good thumping you’re gonna be get—”

Rarity snapped her head around. “Pinkie Pie!”

“Whaaaaaaat?”

“That is not appropriate talk!”

“Hey, we’re mature girls!” Pinkie grinned. “Wanna know my make-out song?”

“No!” Applejack shook her head. “It’s probably something peppy and cheerful from a kid’s cartoon and the thought of you making out to it would scar me for life.”

“Nuh-huh!” Pinkie proudly shook her head. “Amish Paradise.”

Applejack frowned. “Seriously? A Cheese Sandwich song?”

“Sure, it’s cool. And it reminds me how cool it is to not live on the farm anymore.”

Rainbow turned her head from Pinkie. “What about you two, you got a make-out song?”

Before Sunset could reply, Twilight spoke up. “Nope! Never put on music when we kiss. In fact, we don’t kiss. We just nuzzle.”

Sunset stifled a snicker. Rainbow noticed and grinned. “Ooooo, it’s a good one! What is it, Sunset?”

“You don’t wanna know,” Sunset giggled.

“C’mon, spill!” Pinkie shook Sunset’s shoulder. “Is it something really hot and dirty you can’t play when the parents around?”

“Nothing like that!” Twilight groaned, her face as red as Sunset’s hair. “It’s stupid, you don’t wanna know.”

Rarity pursed her lip. “I admit, my curiosity is piqued. Tell us, dear. There’s no shame in being intimate with one’s significant other.”

Sunset pulled out her phone and began to tap through it. “You really wanna know?”

“Sunset, no!” Twilight shook her head. “You promised you’d never tell anyone!”

“It’s gonna be somethin’ good.” Rainbow rubbed her hands together. “Let’s hear it.”

Applejack turned down the radio. “Okay, we all wanna know it. What is it?”

Sunset held her phone up and tapped her thumb on the play button on her screen.

Ten seconds passed without a word being spoken save for the lyrics coming from her phone. Then the five burst out laughing as one.

“That is awesome!” Rainbow chortled. “I couldn’t make a better joke if I tried!”

“Stop it!” Twilight held her face in her hands.

“Seriously?” Applejack snorted. “That’s your make-out song?”

“You know it.” Sunset nudged Twilight. “It always get her in the mood.”

“It does not!”

“Oh really?” Sunset paused the song and leaned in closer. “Oh, Twilight?” Twilight lowered her hands. Sunset smirked and began to sing in a low, sultry voice.

“Bacon pancakes, makin’ bacon pancakes.”

“Sunset!”

“You take some bacon and you put it in a pancake.”

Twilight moved to cover her ears but Sunset blocked her hand.

“Bacon pancakes, that’s what I’m gonna make.” She leaned in to Twilight’s ear. “Bacon pancaaaaaakes…”

Sunset drew the last note out, smirking wickedly at her girlfriend’s boundless embarrassment. “Twilight?”

Twilight turned an eye her way.

Sunset licked her lips.

“I’m hungry.”

Twilight squeaked and buried her face in her hands again.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “How the hell did you make that song sound sexy?”

Sunset put her arm around Twilight’s shoulders. “I know what my girl likes.”

Just Girls Talking About Porn

A group of high school students sat around a large table which had various laptops, notebooks, tablets, phones, drinks, and snacks littered across the top. Most of the group consisted of girls, save for two boys; all wore the same uniform: a grey blazer over a white dress shirt with a red necktie. The girls wore black skirts and socks, while the two boys wore black slacks. They stared at their assorted devices with expressions ranging from disgust to horror to mortification to curiosity to blatant interest.

"Wow, they really like putting you with Bakugo, Ochako-chan," said a girl with pink skin, short pink hair, and floppy yellow horns sprouting out of her head. "Almost as much as they like putting you with Midoriya-kun!"

"Or both of them at the same time, ribbit," a girl with a froggy face and long hair said.

One of the girls at the table, a round-faced girl with short brown hair that curtained her head, blushed furiously. "How could anyone think I'd be into—into THAT?!" she cried. "And, um, I mean, well..." Her eyes slid toward one of the two boys at the table, who had messy dark green hair and looked like he wanted to be anywhere else right now, "i-it's not like I wouldn't, umm...necessarily...with Deku-kun," she stammered, ducking her head and playing with her bangs. "J-just not...not now, I mean, and...and I wouldn't do that with Katchan at all!"

"Tch," the other boy, who had spiky blond hair and a perpetually angry scowl, spat. "Like I want Deku's lame fangirl in the first place!"

"Oh, so you would do some of this with Midoriya-kun, huh?" the pink girl teased with a sly grin. She swiped through images on her tablet, nodding. "Some of these are really creative," she said. "I love the way some of these guys draw me, even if they're drawing me taking it up the butt!"

"What...what right do these cretins have to draw these kinds of pictures of us?" demanded a tall, elegant girl whose dark hair was pulled up on one side into what could only be described as an exploding pineapple. "We are heroes in training, not...not wanton sex objects!"

"Says the girl who's half naked whenever she's fighting," chimed in a girl whose earlobes stretched out into long, thin, flexible cords with plugs on the ends.

"Your boobies are kinda out there for the world to see, Yaomomo," the froggy girl said again. "Huh, that's one way I'd never thought of to use my tongue. Or really ever wanted to."

"Wh-why do they keep drawing Tsu-chan and Uraraka together like that?" the boy variously referred to as Deku or Midoriya said, blushing furiously.

"Good question," the round-faced girl—Ochako Uraraka—said, also blushing. "I'm, umm...I'm pretty sure I'm not into girls that way." After a pause, she added, "Umm...s-some of those pictures of me with Tsu-chan are pretty imaginative though."

"If there's one thing these perverts have in abundance, it's imagination," the elegant girl—Momo Yaoyorozu—said with a haughty sniff. "I have never been so disgusted, insulted, and humiliated in my life..."

"They're even drawing porn of me," said an empty uniform which floated in midair and somehow suggested the shape of a girl with a modest bustline. "How does that even work?"

"Not very well," the frog girl—Tsuyu Asui—said, paging through images on her tablet. "I mean, there's not a whole lot of it. I guess they can't figure out how to make an invisible girl getting laid look sexy."

"Yeah, I mean, it's just some dude humping empty air," the angry blond, Katsuki Bakugo, said. "How lame, pathetic, and desperate do you have to be to waste your time on that?"

The temperature around the table dropped to zero.

"Excuse me, Bakugo-kun," the invisible girl—Tooru Hagakure—said frostily. "Just because nobody can see it doesn't mean I don't have an amazing body! You'd be lucky to even get to touch any part of it."

"Calm down, Hagakure-san," Midoriya said. "He didn't mean anything by that, right Katchan?"

"Uhh...yeah, right," Bakugo said sullenly, folding his arms defensively.

"What bothers me is how much of this stuff is rape porn," the earlobe girl—Kyouka Jirou—said. "And, like, all the pics where we're covered in jizz. It's creepy."

"Yeah, especially the ones where it looks like we're happy we're covered in jizz," the pink girl—Mina Ashido—said with a shudder. "I'm pretty sure if half a dozen guys just blew their loads all over me, the last thing I'd be is happy. More like totally grossed out. Blech!"

"I, umm...shouldn't be looking at any of this," Midoriya said nervously, his gaze refusing to meet any of the girls. "I mean, this is a total violation of my classmates—my friends—and—"

"Hey, you're in most of this stuff too, Deku-kun," Ochako said. Her face reddening, she added, "Especially with me—"

"And with Bakugo," Tsuyu said absently as she flicked through images.

"W-well, yes, the, umm...the ones where both of them are—"

"No, I mean I found some where it's just Bakugo and Midoriya," Tsuyu said.

Everyone froze.

"OH HELL NO!" Bakugo roared, shooting to his feet and nearly tipping his chair over. "There is NO DAMN WAY I'd do ANYTHING gay with this DAMN NERD—"

The girls, however, were all poring intently over the images Tsuyu had unearthed. "Oh wow," Ochako said. "I don't think Deku-kun's butt can stretch like that..."

"AAHHHHH!" Midoriya yelled, clapping his hands over his ears.

A loud cough interrupted the conversation.

"Thank you, girls," Miss Cheerilee said from the front row of seats in the auditorium. Along the row sat various members of the Canterlot High faculty, whose expressions ranged from amused to befuddled to outraged to embarrassed. The six dozen or so students scattered throughout the auditorium applauded, though some of the applause was more strained, while some was a little too enthusiastic.

After an awkward pause, Cheerilee added, "And Flash." She cleared her throat. "I believe we can wrap it up there."

The group on stage stood, walked to the front of the stage, and took a bow, receiving another round of applause.

"Girls? Just a heads up," Principal Celestia said from where she sat beside a murderous-looking Miss Harshwhinny and a completely stone-faced Vice-Principal Luna. "I know we're all adults here—so to speak—and I encourage free self-expression from all my students? But I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your improv skits at about a PG-13 level from now on, alright?" She smiled. "Though that was certainly...creative."

The group walked off stage, shedding various wigs. "Man, that was harder to get through than I thought," Twilight Sparkle said. The floating school uniform of Tooru Hagakure came to a stop next to her, and she carefully removed the entire uniform to reveal her selfie drone, which she switched off and set on a table.

Fluttershy, wearing her usual casual attire, greeted them all. "How did I do?" she asked. "Was—was my performance alright?"

"You did great, Fluttershy," 'Bakugo' said as he—or rather, she—shook out her long copper and gold hair and combed her fingers through it. "Picking you to play Tooru was a stroke of genius! You didn't actually have to be on stage, and your voice acting over the microphone was spot on."

"You did a pretty good job bein' Bakugo," said Rainbow Dash as she tossed her purple wig aside and detached the fake earlobes she wore.

"I still think that entire affair was ill-advised," Rarity said as she repaired her black-dyed hair into its usual style. "It's bad enough our private conversations always come around to tawdry and lurid carnal matters, but to air our perversions in front of the student body and faculty?"

"We weren't airing our perversions," Pinkie Pie—who, obviously, had played Mina Ashido—said as she took out the color contacts that gave her black sclera and golden irises. "Ow, those things are itchy," she complained. "Anyway, I just thought it'd be fun to explore how anime characters would react to all the porn of them people draw and put online. And it was!"

"I don't know about 'fun'," 'Midoriya' said as he took off his shaggy green wig, revealing Flash Sentry's blue hair. "I sure didn't need to actually act up there, that's for sure. Surrounded by hot girls and talking about weird anime porn?" He blushed and glanced at Twilight briefly, then turned away. "Umm...I gotta go," he said hastily. "Later!"

"Have fun jackin' off!" Rainbow called cheekily behind him, which caused him to trip, yelp, and pick up his pace. Rainbow and Pinkie snickered. Twilight's eyes widened as she put her glasses back on. Sunset rolled her eyes.

"So, umm...thanks for including me, girls," 'Tsuyu' said. "I mean...even if it was something as weird and gross and embarrassing as this, at least I was part of the fun for once."

"We were glad to have you, Wallflower," Sunset said. "You did great out there." She sighed. "It's a shame Applejack missed out on this, I think it went great."

"Yyyyeah, the text she sent me about this whole thing had words in it I didn't even know existed, but I'm pretty sure they'd make sailors faint," Pinkie Pie said as she took out her fake horns and reinflated her poofy hair.

Rainbow Dash snorted. "Prude," she said.

"Come on, let's hit Sugar Cube Corner for a wrap party," Sunset suggested. As the girls left the school, Pinkie Pie looked to the ceiling, tapping her chin thoughtfully.

"I wonder if somewhere, somebody's drawing porn like that of all of us?"

CAST OF CHARACTERS

TWILIGHT SPARKLE as Ochako Uraraka

WALLFLOWER BLUSH as Tsuyu Asui

RARITY as Momo Yaoyorozu

RAINBOW DASH as Kyouka Jirou

PINKIE PIE as Mina Ashido

FLUTTERSHY as Tooru Hagakure

FLASH SENTRY as Izuku Midoriya

SUNSET SHIMMER as Katsuki Bakugo

Author's Note

Let's face it. We've all had that thought at some point: "how would these characters react to seeing all this porn we draw of them?"

I've toyed with the idea of doing this for some time, but I didn't want to write something so blatantly meta and fourth-wall breaking.

Then the idea hit me to have the EG characters doing an improv play where they're playing My Hero Academia characters reacting to MHA porn.

I couldn't NOT do that.

Sibling Ribaldry

Fluttershy had a bad case of the giggles.

Her friends—and her teachers, much to their consternation—had noticed it all day long, as had other students at CHS. It was noticeable because of how far Fluttershy went out of her way to not be noticed, despite being one of the most attractive girls at school. All day long, she'd suddenly burst into cute, quiet giggles, then suddenly cover her mouth, look around sheepishly, and duck her head...then keep giggling.

At the end of an otherwise dull, dreary school day, seven girls met up at the horse statue to shoot the breeze before heading home or to other activities. "Man, Ah am not lookin' forward t' them broken shocks in Big Mac's truck," Applejack grumbled. "Last thing mah sore ol' fanny needs after a long—"

Fluttershy suddenly erupted in a fit of shrieking giggles, doubling over and clutching her stomach.

Applejack shot her an annoyed glance. "Hey now. You try ridin' mah brother's buckin' bronco, see how fast your fanny wears out!"

This just set Fluttershy off even harder. She lost her balance and pitched forward; Rainbow Dash caught her and took a knee, holding her and giving her a worried look. "You okay, Shy?"

"Yeah, Fluttershy, you've been a total gigglebox all day long," Pinkie Pie said. "I mean, I love it when people are laughing and smiling, but this is just weird!"

Wiping tears from her eyes and gasping for breath between laughs, Fluttershy pulled a paperback book out of her backpack and waved it in Sunset Shimmer's general direction. Raising an eyebrow, Sunset took it. Her eyebrow raised even further when she looked at the cover. "Dirty Words Around The World?"

The other blinked. "That doesn't sound like a very Fluttershy book to have," Rarity remarked.

"S-sto-stole it from...f-from Ze-Ze-Zephyr Bre-Breeze," Fluttershy wheezed out. She flapped her hand at Sunset. "Tro-Trotting...ham," she said.

Sunset's brow furrowed. Shrugging, she flipped through the book, coming to the Trottingham section. She skimmed it until something stood out. She blinked once. "Oh," she said. "Oh." She glanced at Applejack, then bit her lip and started chuckling.

"Oh god, not you too," Rainbow groaned.

"Alright, whut's th' joke?" Applejack demanded, folding her arms and scowling.

Shaking her head, Sunset handed Applejack the book and pointed at an entry. Applejack looked at it, then blinked. Her scowl dissolved into a stunned expression, which quickly turned sheepish. "Uh. Huh." She blinked again, then handed the book back. "Huh. Well fancy that," she said. She scratched the back of her head, chuckling in embarrassment, eyes darting in all directions. "Yeah, that...that ain't whut Ah meant. At all."

"Okay, is anybody gonna explain this?" Rainbow wondered.

"Yeah, for real!" Pinkie cried, throwing her hands up. "Do you know how annoying it is not being in on the joke?"

Rarity blinked. "Wait. Are we laughing because 'fanny' is slang for a lady's, ahem, womanly region in Trottingham?"

"Yeah," Sunset said, snickering.

Rarity covered her mouth with her hand and let out a ladylike giggle. "Oh dear," she said. "I've known about that for years of course, but it's not something I think about because it simply isn't used that way here."

"An' Ah ain't never usin' that word again," Applejack grunted, face flaming. She shifted uncomfortably. "An' jes' for th' record, ain't no part'a anything of Big Mac's has ever touched that part'a me."

This set everyone off. The rest of the foot traffic in and out of CHS could only stare, bewildered, at the pile of girls laughing like hyenas at the base of the Wondercolt statue.

* * * * *

Zephyr Breeze and two other sophomore boys sat in the relatively empty cafeteria, materials for a project spread out around them along with various snacks and drinks. One of the boys had chopped blue-green hair and cobalt skin; he wore a forest green track suit and black sneakers and had bad acne. The patch on the breast of his jacket depicted a trio of tipis around a campfire. The third boy was short, stout, and broad-faced, with light green skin and dark green hair in a buzz cut. He wore a black T-shirt which depicted a sailboat, thick canvas shorts, and rugged hiking shoes.

"Man, your sister's been trippin' out all over the place today," said the boy in the tracksuit, whose name was Tent Pitcher—Tipi for short.

"Yeah, so I heard," Zephyr Breeze said, taking a long swig of his cola.

"Dude, you're so lucky," said the third boy, Full Mast, in a gravelly voice. "Your sister's so hot. I wish I had a hot sister like Fluttershy." He sighed. "My sister's a total letdown. She doesn't even bring hot chicks her age around the house."

"You have a sister?" Zephyr asked.

"Dude, you've met her every time you've been over at my house."

"Really? Huh." Zephyr shook his head. "Can't remember."

"Yeah, I don't blame you. She ain't much to look at." Full Mast crammed chips in his mouth and crunched. "Soooo lucky."

"Yeah, dude, you get to share a bathroom with one of the hottest chicks here," Tipi said. "I can't even—"

Zephyr grimaced. "You do not want to share a bathroom with Fluttershy," he said. "Trust me on this. It takes her an hour to get ready every morning, she leaves her makeup shit all over the place, and at least once a week I have to dig a hair clog out of the tub. It's so gross."

Tipi grinned lasciviously. "Pussy hair?" he drawled in a lewd tone.

Zephyr groaned and slapped him upside the head. "No, dumbass. Regular hair. What is with you and pubes?"

"Seriously, dude, the pube obsession is kinda gross," Full Mast grunted. "And yeah, I hear you on the shower clogs. Girl hair and shower drains don't mix."

"I do not have an obsession!" Tipi protested. "I have a healthy interest in bikini lines."

"Uh-huh," Zephyr said, rolling his eyes. "Well, Shy keeps hers nice and tidy, but at least she does her bikini grooming shit over at Rarity's place."

"Oh?" Tipi asked interestedly, raising an eyebrow. "Any particular reason for that?"

Zephyr gave him a flat stare. "Because Rarity's got like, a special imported thing for that," he said. "It's like, it's not a razor but it's not that hot wax shit that costs sixty bucks."

Full Mast raised an eyebrow. "You know way too much about your sister's body grooming habits," he said.

"Yeah, because I eavesdrop on the girls every chance I get," Zephyr said with a shrug. "Also because we used to fight over her shaving her pubes in the bathroom and leaving the nastiest mess everywhere."

"Oh, DUDE!" Tipi said, eyes wide.

Full Mast rolled his eyes. "Settle down," he said. "A girl's pube mess is nothing but disgusting."

"I know, right?" Zephyr said. "I'm glad Shy does that someplace else."

"I wish my sister would do that someplace else," Full Mast lamented. "Or at least do it often enough that I don't have to see those huge gross green pubes all over the bathroom." He shuddered. "I've seen smaller bushes in the park, man."

"Oh dude, you've seen your sister naked?!" Tipi exclaimed.

Full Mast shrugged. "Like I said, she's not much to look at. I mean, she's all weird boobs and shaggy bush and shit and she just lets herself go." He sighed. "If she was more like Fluttershy...man, I'd be in there every night with a camera." Both boys looked at Zephyr.

Zephyr grimaced. "Look, I told you already, she locks her bedroom door," he said. "Besides, she'd find out, trust me." A pained wince overtook his face. "It's so not worth it."

"Dude, it so is worth it," Tipi said. "Man, if I had a sister that hot, I'd do all kind of stuff—"

"No you wouldn't," Zephyr cut across him. "No matter how bad you'd want to, you wouldn't. Girls like Fluttershy? They can make your life hell."

"You say that, but you still go out of your way to tick her off," Full Mast pointed out.

Zephyr shrugged. "Well, yeah. She's my sister. Besides, she spends like, half her life cockblocking me, dig? She's got it comin'."

* * * * *

"So Fluttershy," Rarity asked once the girls had calmed down, "whyever did you steal such a fascinating book from your brother?"

"Because I'm super peeved at him," Fluttershy said, her good humor evaporating.

"When are you not?" Rainbow wondered idly, rolling her eyes.

"What'd he do now?" Sunset asked.

Fluttershy blew on her bangs in irritation. "He brings his loser pervo friends around and then he starts making all kinds of animal double entendres. I'll be cuddling Mr. Mittens and," she pitched her voice in an imitation of Zephyr's, "'Woo, Fluttershy! Look at her strokin' that pussy!'"

"Ugh!" Twilight said, a nauseated look on her face.

"That's so not cool," Pinkie added.

"Oh, it gets worse," Fluttershy said. "Owlice and Owlbert came around for treats and he asked if his friends could 'play with my hooters too'..." She gestured dismissively. "You get the idea."

"Man, what a creep," Rainbow said.

"You'd think he'd have learned his lesson after the time I shoved the vacuum cleaner hose down his pants," Fluttershy said.

"Ouch," Twilight said, glasses sliding down her nose. "Boy am I glad I get along with my brother, this sounds like sheer hell!"

"Sibling rivalry is one thing, but what Fluttershy and Zephyr Breeze have ain't normal," Rainbow said in a dry, bored tone. "Like the time she caught him sellin' her used panties."

"What?!" Twilight spluttered, eyes wide.

"That's why I shoved the vacuum cleaner hose down his pants," Fluttershy said, eyes half-lidded. "He should be thanking me, I mean, it's probably the only time in his whole life he'll ever get his dick sucked."

The girls all stared at Fluttershy, jaws agape and eyes wide.

In the silence, Maud Pie stepped out from the other side of the Wondercolts statue, studying a rock she held. "That was funny," she said dispassionately as she walked past. "Hello Pinkie Pie."

The other girls shook their heads dumbly. "I, umm...I wonder what sibling rivalry is like at Pinkie's house!" Rarity said in an overly cheerful tone.

"We don't really do sibling rivalry," Maud said. "The closest thing we have is when Limestone leaves her underwear lying around. I think she does it on purpose so she can scream at people for stepping on her bra."

"Yeah, pretty much," Pinkie said. "I mean, there's the time Marble got drunk and stuck a popsicle up my butt, but..." She shivered. "Don't really wanna talk about that."

Everyone stared at her. Then slowly turned to stare at Maud. Who blinked once, dispassionately.

"Marble is totally psycho," Maud said blandly.

Author's Note

Kudos to NocturnalLillith for the chapter title.

Sibling Ribaldry II

"Man, shove that futa shit up your ass!" Zephyr Breeze snarled, slamming his hands on the living room table sharply enough to startle Fluttershy. She blinked, looking up from her phone and the TV program she was half-watching.

"Um. Okay. Two things," Fluttershy said. "One, why are you looking at porn in the living room, and two, isn't that kind of where it goes?"

"Chill, sis! I'm doin' my homework, honest! It's just Full Mast just sent me some pics of that hot Brazilian chick from Babe Fighter 5 and I was all excited until I saw this shit." He turned his computer for Fluttershy to see.

"I don't want to see your nasty porn!" Fluttershy said even as she leaned in for a closer look. On the screen was fanart of Applejack's favorite Babe Fighter character, the one she used to pummel Rainbow Dash in ninety percent of their matches. She was nude, tanned and glossy, giving the "camera" a smoky stare. The picture was drawn fairly well, if perhaps the breasts were a bit large, and in Fluttershy's opinion, it wasn't too bad for porn except— "WAUGH!" She leaned back, revulsion on her face.

The otherwise tastefully drawn, alluring, exotic nude woman in the picture had been drawn with a grotesquely huge penis which flopped out between her thighs, splattering cum everywhere.

"Wh-what the heck is wrong with—" She blinked, leaning in again for a closer look. "Umm." She shook her head. "I...wow. That's...gross."

"I know, right?" Zephyr said, turning the laptop back around. "I told Full Mast I'm not into this weird futa shit, but he keeps sending me shit like this. Man."

Fluttershy shuddered. "Why...I mean..." She grabbed her water bottle and took a gulp. "I kind of understand futa in a girl-on-girl sense, it's gross but..." She frowned. "Why would anyone want to just draw a girl with a dick like that? That isn't going into anything?"

"I know, right?" Zephyr said again, throwing up his hands. "It's like, dicks are supposed to go in a girl, not on a girl! Not like that anyway. I mean, if it's the right kind of futa it's not so bad, like if it's a MILF with a dick pounding a cheerleader, but just a chick with a big ol' floppy messy dick? That's nasty."

"Actually, everything you just said is disgusting, but I'll agree for the sake of argument," Fluttershy said, face turning green. "I mean, that would've been a really, really nice picture actually if not for the, um, dick."

"Yeah," Zephyr said, sighing. "You got no idea how many awesome pics and videos I find that are ruined by a big gross dick that's got no business bein' there. It sucks!"

"Oh...kay...you probably need to cut back on the porn," Fluttershy said with a disapproving frown. "But yeah, I can sort of understand. I mean, it's very disconcerting and really, that is nice artwork, just...the futa, it's...disturbing."

"The only thing worse than futa shit like this is porn where they're takin' a dump," Zephyr said, shuddering. "Ugh."

"Thank you for that mental image," Fluttershy said sourly. "And now I feel like I need to throw up..."

"I mean, if she was doin' another chick with that thing, it'd be one thing, maybe," Zephyr said. "Like if, say, Applejack had a dick an' she was fuckin' Rainbows. I could dig that."

"Leave my friends out of your pervo fantasies!" Fluttershy snapped, face burning red.

Zephyr's phone pinged. He glanced at it, and his eyebrows went up. "Whoa, dude, seriously?"

"What is it?"

Zephyr looked up, eyes wide. "It's Tipi, he's at practice. Just caught Scootaloo and Apple Bloom makin' out under the bleachers. Damn, wish I could—"

"I'll...pretend I didn't hear that," Fluttershy said, blushing. "Oh boy, it's going to be awkward next time I see Applejack..." She shook her head. "Why are you texting your friends and looking at porn when you're supposed to be doing your history report? Did you forget you're about to get held back a grade?" She slid over onto the couch and turned Zephyr's laptop toward her. "How much work have you even done—"

Zephyr's laptop pinged. His e-mail popped up, and an image loaded. It was a very detailed drawing of Fluttershy, nude except for a pair of thigh-high purple stockings and dark blue stiletto-heeled sandals, being leaned up against a wall by a shadowy, faceless male figure, whose dick was buried deep inside her as her face contorted in ecstasy.

Zephyr went quiet. He looked up at Fluttershy, who was staring at the picture, face red. He looked back at his laptop. He quickly closed the cover.

An awkward moment of silence passed.

Finally, Fluttershy leveled a deadly, smoldering stare at her brother. "Seriously?" she hissed.

"Uhh..." Zephyr coughed, scratching the back of his head. "Umm. Well. This...yeah, this is...uhh...notwhatitlookslike?"

Fluttershy arched an eyebrow. "It looks like one of your loser friends is drawing porn of me," she said.

"Aheheh...uhh..."

Fluttershy opened the laptop, looking again. Her face heated up. "Actually, really...umm...really well done porn," she said, her voice shaking. "Goodness." She frowned. "If I go through your computer, am I going to find a lot of this kind of thing? Of me?"

"Umm...define 'a lot'?" Zephyr hedged. "I mean, there's, y'know, other girls from school..."

"I see," Fluttershy said quietly, her voice full of menace. Wresting the laptop away from Zephyr, she started going through his files. She found very detailed, very creative pictures of her and all her friends, by themselves and in pairs and groups, engaged in a variety of sexual activities. More than half the pictures were of Fluttershy herself. Thankfully, none of them featured Zephyr Breeze as her partner, but some did feature her with people she knew from school, including Sandalwood, Big Macintosh, and all of her friends. "And just who, pray tell, is this artist? Because I'm sure Vice Principal Luna would love to have a little chat with him..."

"Uhh..." Zephyr edged away, sweating. "It's...a girl actually," he said, his voice trembling.

Fluttershy frowned. "A girl? A girl from our school is drawing porn of...of me and my friends?"

"Yeah," Zephyr said. "It's, well, it's Watermelody," he offered sheepishly.

Fluttershy's eyes widened. "Watermelody? From the manga club and the drama club?"

"And the art club..."

Zephyr's e-mail pinged. It was another picture from Full Mast. It was a rather crudely photoshopped bit of Power Ponies futa art. The picture depicted Saddle Rager kneeling between Zap and Fillisecond, who both had dicks. Saddle Rager was sucking Zap's dick while stroking Fillisecond's.

Saddle Rager had been photoshopped to give her Fluttershy's yellow skin and pink hair, and Fillisecond and Zap had been photoshopped to vaguely suggest they were Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.

To add insult to injury, a badly drawn yellow dick had been slapped onto Saddle Rager's crotch.

Fluttershy's left eye twitched.

Zephyr grabbed his laptop, bolted upstairs to his bedroom, and barricaded the door.

Just Girls Talking About Porn II

Author's Note

This chapter is a direct sequel to Sibling Ribaldry II.

There are those among you who are inclined to analyze and dissect the events of these two chapters from a legal perspective, apparently as dictated by the laws of the United States, Canada, or other countries that exist in the real world--a setting which does not reflect the entirely fictional setting presented herein.

I am going to have to ask that you refrain from such analysis and discussion in the comments section of this story. To paraphrase the MST3K mantra: "It's just a fanfic, you should really just relax." I'm hopeful that you will respect my wishes and not veer off into unproductive and stressful avenues of discourse.

To everyone else: Apologies for the unpleasantness. Please enjoy the chapter.

Just Girls Talking About Porn II

Fluttershy waited anxiously outside the art club room after school, checking the time on her phone in between rounds of match-threes and idle browsing. After what felt like forever, the art club members began drifting out of their meeting in ones and twos; Fluttershy took note of who was leaving as they filed out. After most of the club left, she bit her lip, stood, and stepped inside. Watermelody was just putting her things away. Steeling herself, Fluttershy walked over to her. "Umm, Watermelody?"

Watermelody looked up, startled. She smiled. "Fluttershy! What's up?"

"We...we need to talk," Fluttershy said quietly. Looking at the two other people still in the room, she leaned in and whispered. "In private."

Watermelody blinked, pursing her lips. "Huh? What's—" Her eyes widened, her face going pale. "About—?" she said hesitantly.

Fluttershy nodded, allowing herself a mild frown.

"Oh." Watermelody swallowed and looked around. "Um. Yeah. C'mon, I know a place nobody will bother us."

A few minutes later found them outside at the rear of the school building, in the shaded side. A line of stone benches sat under some trees; Fluttershy recognized the spot, she'd eaten lunch there with her friends once or twice, and had even had a class there once when the air conditioning was broken and the classroom was too hot to bear. This late in the day, nobody was there and it was quiet. Watermelody sat down on a bench, fidgeting nervously; Fluttershy sat down beside her.

For a long moment, neither spoke. Then, Fluttershy said, "So. I saw some...interesting pictures. That apparently you drew." She glanced aside at Watermelody, her eyes half-lidded. "Of certain girls who go to CHS."

Watermelody grimaced, unable to meet Fluttershy's gaze. "Yeah," she said. "Um. I..." She bowed her head. "How'd you find out?"

Fluttershy frowned. "That's all you have to say? Really?" She let that hang in the air for a moment, then sighed. "You don't really think my dipshit brother can keep something like that secret without me finding out, do you? I'm honestly surprised it even took this long."

Watermelody blew on her bangs. "It figures."

"Which leads to my first question," Fluttershy said. "You can see how sending my brother porn you draw of me is...creepy and gross and wrong, right?"

Watermelody grimaced. "Yeah," she said.

"So why?"

Watermelody sighed. "Because it was nice to have somebody to share my art with who wouldn't say anything," she said. "I mean, I can't really show it to anyone, obviously."

"Except, apparently, my pervert of a brother."

Watermelody laughed ruefully. "He found out by accident," she said. "The flash drive I keep all that stuff on fell out of my bag. He just happened to be the one to pick it up. I...don't exactly label my flash drives, at least not that one, so he had to look at the contents to try to figure out who dropped it."

"Oh." Fluttershy frowned. "He didn't blackmail you, did he?"

"No, not at all!" Watermelody said. "He just told me he made a copy for himself, and asked if I'd mind sending him anything else I draw because he thinks it's really hot. And, well..." Watermelody shrugged. "Like I said, it's nice to have somebody to show it to."

Fluttershy's brow furrowed. "I guess that makes sense, but...why are you drawing stuff like that of people you know?"

Watermelody bowed her head sheepishly. "I like drawing pretty girls," she said. At Fluttershy's reaction, she hastily added, "I'm not gay or anything like that, I just...like drawing pretty girls. And, well...drawing sexy girls. And drawing pretty, sexy girls...in really sexy ways."

"There's sexy and then there's porn," Fluttershy said, eyes half-lidded.

"Yeah, well..." Watermelody shrugged. "It didn't start out that way. It started with me doing a portrait of Sunset Shimmer, actually. I wanted to do a piece that was titillating but not overtly erotic, and Sunset agreed to model for it. I...really, really liked the way it turned out.

"So then I got to thinking, what if I did some nudes? But getting a model to do nudes is a lot harder." Watermelody played with her skirt. "At first, I tried being my own model. Took pictures of myself naked, tried drawing it, but..." She frowned. "It just wasn't working for me."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not pretty or sexy," Watermelody said. "I look at a picture of myself naked and I just think about how badly I need to shave my legs or how I've put on weight from one too many treats at Sugarcube Corner." She shook her head. "But I didn't want to just give up on it—I couldn't. But I didn't want to go around asking girls at random to pose nude for me.

"And then it hit me. I could use my own nudes as a posing model, then draw, well...other girls. Filling in details using my imagination, you know—take a picture of you in a party dress or Sunset at the beach to get the body shape and proportions right, sketch the pose, that sort of thing." She looked up at Fluttershy. "That way, I could draw nudes all day long using all sorts of different models."

"I guess that makes sense, sort of," Fluttershy said. "And...you use me and my friends for that because...?"

"Because you're the prettiest, sexiest girls at CHS?"

"Oh." Fluttershy blushed. "Um. Thanks, I guess?" She coughed. "Alright, I can understand an artist wanting to draw nudes, and even how you ended up...umm, 'inspiring' your work the way you did. But how does that explain the porn?"

Watermelody's face turned red. "Ah, yeah. Well..." She ducked her head. "You remember Clyde, right? That really huge senior, really accident-prone?"

"I remember seeing him around, yeah. He graduated last year, right?"

"That's right. Well, it turns out he was Ditzy Doo's boyfriend. Might still be, I'm not sure." Watermelody coughed. "Anyway, I...accidentally walked in on them in the nurse's office one day."

"Walked in o—" Fluttershy's eyes widened, her face heating up. "You mean having...sex?"

"Yeah." Watermelody wrung her hands. "S-so...I went home and I couldn't stop thinking about that, so I drew it the best I could from memory, and it was terrible, but it, well...made me want to draw more. Nudes weren't enough anymore. So I, umm...branched out. I still used myself as a model for whatever I could, but then I started using actual porn to do my basic sketches. Then, well..."

"You started drawing me and my friends in those poses," Fluttershy finished, nodding and biting her lip.

"Yeah." Watermelody looked down at her lap.

Fluttershy sighed. "Couldn't you just do, I dunno, manga characters or something? Video game characters? You know, the kind of stuff people usually draw that kind of art of?"

Watermelody grimaced. "I tried that a couple of times," she said. "It just never feels right. Or more, it feels lifeless. It's like, I can't draw really good art unless I know the subject."

"Uh-huh." Fluttershy picked at her skirt. "It's just...you understand how wrong this is, right?"

Watermelody looked away. "Yeah," she said softly. "I don't blame you if you hate me forever, or if you go to Principal Celestia with this, or..."

Fluttershy shook her head. "I'm pretty peeved, but I think on some level I'm also a little bit flattered? I'm just also really weirded out that you're sharing this art of yours with my brother of all people." She frowned. "I mean, you're sharing porn you drew of me with my brother. That's not cool. That...that has to stop, okay?"

Watermelody nodded mutely.

"Actually, sharing anything you draw with Zephyr Breeze has to stop. For good."

"Yeah, I know."

"Okay, that's the first problem taken care of. Now, I think you need to talk to the rest of my friends about all this. They need to know."

Watermelody paled. "Oh crap..."

* * * * *

Watermelody watched nervously as Fluttershy's friends looked through the portfolio of erotic and pornographic art she'd drawn of them. Rarity and Twilight Sparkle both looked scandalized, Sunset Shimmer looked vaguely irritated, Rainbow Dash seemed unable to decide whether to be angry, embarrassed, or aroused, Pinkie Pie was calmly munching popcorn as she browsed, and Applejack was completely stonefaced.

"Goodness," Rarity said, sitting back and fanning herself. "Is it rather warm in here?"

"You should draw porn for a living," Pinkie Pie said. "Uhh...just maybe not of us or anybody else you know for real, maybe?"

"Just whut'n tarnation makes you think this kinda shit's any kind of okay?" Applejack asked.

"How many people have seen this?" Sunset Shimmer asked.

Watermelody bowed her head. "Other than you girls just now and Fluttershy? Just me and, well...Zephyr Breeze."

"Oh HELL NO," Rainbow thundered. "Seriously?"

"It was an accident! At first." Watermelody explained everything to the girls as she had to Fluttershy. When she fell silent at length, the girls looked at one another, frowning thoughtfully. "I...I never meant any harm, honest," she added. "It was just art, I mean..."

Sunset Shimmer sighed. "To be honest? We barely even know you that well, really, so it's not that any of us feel betrayed so much as, well...weirded out."

"Majorly weirded out," Twilight added.

"And the whole Zephyr Breeze seeing this thing doesn't really help, because what's to stop him from sharing it with other people?"

"Oh, I've taken care of that," Fluttershy said determinedly. "There isn't a single copy of any of this stuff left anywhere he can access it, and he swears on pain of emasculation he didn't share any of it."

"Well that's a relief," Rainbow Dash said.

Sunset looked at the others. "I think...if Watermelody agrees to stop drawing stuff like this of us without our permission, we could maybe let this go. I mean, there isn't any real harm done here."

"No harm?" Applejack asked incredulously.

"Okay, maybe that was a bad way to put it, but..." Sunset bit her lip. "If we make a big deal of this, it'll do more harm than good. Plus, then everybody would find out about it, and would that really be a better idea than just forgetting about it and letting it go?" She shrugged. "Besides, it's kind of flattering in a weird way. I mean, I'm not that bothered by it myself."

"I'm...honestly not that bothered by it either," Fluttershy said. "Not anymore, I mean. It was more the fact that my brother was jerking off to it that bothered me. The art itself, I, umm...maybe don't mind so much except I agree she needs to stop drawing it?"

Watermelody sighed. "Yeah," she said. "I guess I'll give drawing manga characters a try again."

"Hey, at least that you could make some money off of," Sunset pointed out.

"That's...a good point," Watermelody said, pursing her lips.

"So...we're just lettin' this go?" Applejack asked.

"It's for the best," Sunset said. "Girls?"

"Yeah, I agree," Rainbow said. "I mean, obviously I gotta kick Zeph's ass over this, but I can let it slide. Uhh...I'm keepin' the porn, though. For...reasons."

"I'm not even really bothered by it," Pinkie said with a shrug.

"Honestly? Being told I'm one of the pretty and sexy girls here is kind of a huge self-esteem boost, so I'm willing to take this one as a win," Twilight said.

"I...would rather let this incident be quietly forgotten without anyone else ever hearing of it," Rarity said.

Applejack sighed. "Yeah, y'all are right. But you're on thin ice, missy."

Watermelody deflated. "Thank you," she said. "And..." She wrung her hands. "I'm not gonna say I'm sorry, but if...if I can do anything to make this up to you girls..."

Fluttershy laid a hand on Watermelody's arm. "Just stop being so hard on yourself," she said. "This all started because you have low self-esteem, right? You're just as pretty as any of us. Don't sell yourself short."

The girls scattered to go to their various part-time jobs or other activities, leaving Watermelody alone with her thoughts. Absently, she pulled out her phone and went through the pictures of herself naked. She bit her lip. She opened up her messages and sent a text.

Hey. Still interested in my art? I have a new model & she's 100% on board, total consent, anything goes.

It only took a few seconds for the reply.

Oh god yes. Everything you draw is so smoking hot! I'm already in withdrawal, gurl!

Her pulse quickening, Watermelody hurried off for home to plan her next work.

Sibling Ribaldry III

Author's Note

Author's Warning: This chapter contains incest. If that kind of thing offends you/grosses you out, you're strongly urged to stop reading now.

Sibling Ribaldry III

Fluttershy flopped bonelessly on her bed after an exhausting day at the animal shelter. The day had started brisk, so she'd dressed in layers, but a heat wave had settled in by the middle of the afternoon, and with most of her work for the day involving hauling massive bags of food back and forth from the shelter to the shed, she'd rapidly become a sweaty, sticky mess. Worse, she'd worn the wrong shoes entirely for the work, so her ankles were killing her.

Heaving a tired sigh, Fluttershy sat up and took off her wedges, then stood, burying her toes in the thick carpet as she crossed to the door, closing and locking it. After putting her shoes on her shoe tree, she started peeling off her sweaty, messy clothes, folding them into the hamper until she was down to just her panties. She grabbed a fluffy towel out of her closet and gave herself a pat-down, then opened her dresser and rummaged through it for something light and cool to wear. "Maybe a shower?" she hummed to herself. "Nah, it's too humid. I'll wait and take a bath tonight." She sighed and flopped back onto her bed, still in just her panties, her dresser drawers open and thoroughly tumbled. "Think I'll cool off first, it's not like anybody can see—"

She trailed off abruptly, blinking owlishly. She glanced at her bedroom door.

Her closed, locked bedroom door...which had been wide open when she'd walked in.

She glanced over at the dresser mirror. She saw a brief flash reflected from under the bed. She closed her eyes and sighed tiredly.

"Zephyr Breeze?" she called out in irritation. "Are you under my bed? Were you taking pictures of me undressing?"

Silence.

She exhaled slowly. "Were you recording video of me undressing?"

More silence.

"I know you're there, Zephyr Breeze. It wouldn't surprise me if I rolled off this bed right now and found you down there with your dick in your hand."

A moment passed.

"FYI, I do not have my dick in my hand," Zephyr's voice issued from beneath her. "I was gonna wait until I was safe in my own room for that."

Fluttershy growled, anger burning through her body. "You little pervert!" she cried. "What is wrong with you?! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

"You uh, kinda locked me in with you," Zephyr pointed out. "And you're still pretty much naked. I mean, if I come out, I'm gonna see exactly what I wanna see, and if you get up an' put some clothes on, I'm gonna see even more." He paused. "I notice you didn't take off your panties. They gotta be pretty sweaty too, right?"

*I can not BELIEVE THIS...* "How'd you even get in here?"

"One of your rats got loose," Zephyr said. "Moms had to unlock the door to put him back. She just forgot to lock it back."

Fluttershy took a deep breath. "And you snuck in here to do what, steal my underwear? Read my diary?"

"Wait for you to get home actually," Zephyr said. "Figured I'd catch you changing clothes, get a few good pics, sneak out without getting caught when you go to the kitchen to make your sundae."

Fluttershy pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're sick," she said. "You know that, right?"

"Hey, can I help it if my sister is the hottest chick in the whole city?" Zephyr retorted. "I mean yeah, when it comes to brother-sister type stuff and your whole everything about the bathroom, you work my last nerve, but..."

"But?"

"But I'll never stop thinkin' about that sweet, sexy bod," Zephyr said.

"I'm your sister, you little creep!"

"Yeah, I know," Zephyr said. "But you're also the first girl I ever popped a boner for, you know?"

"Ugh!" Fluttershy cried out in disgust. "I don't need to hear that!"

"It's true, though. It was your fourteenth birthday." The bed lurched, accompanied by a grunt of exertion. In the mirror, Fluttershy saw Zephyr crawl out from under the bed. To her surprise, he turned and flopped down next to her on the bed, his legs dangling over the side. He crossed his arms behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. Fluttershy edged away, guardedly crossing her arms over her chest, and watched him warily. "You decided to have a pool party, remember? You'd just had a growth spurt and outta nowhere, you had the biggest tits of all the girls in your class, so Rainbows talked you into wearin' that skimpy bikini."

Fluttershy blushed furiously. "I...remember that," she said.

"You were smoking hot," Zephyr said. "I couldn't believe it. My sister, the bathroom-hogging bitch who busted my balls every day as long as I could remember, was suddenly this goddess, all long legs and tight round ass and tits and so much sexy skin showing...man." Zephyr shifted slightly. "Course, you got all flustered when everyone started payin' attention, so you ran inside and covered up, but for just those ten minutes you were out there lettin' it all hang out? Unf." Zephyr shuddered. "Man. I hadda keep a towel wadded up in my lap the rest of the day."

"Oh," Fluttershy said. "I...see..."

"Thing is, though," Zephyr said, "I couldn't get over it. From that day on, no matter how much we fought, no matter how sick of your animals crappin' on my stuff I got, I've never been able to forget that day, and knowing that my crazy, overbearing sister is that smoking hot sexy goddess in a bikini." He shook his head. "My first real crush and it was on my sister."

Fluttershy stared at him in stunned silence. As she struggled to come up with a response, she dimly became aware of a gentle, insistent pressure on her left breast. It took her a second to realize that while he'd been talking, Zephyr had managed to slip his arm around her and was fondling her. "ZEPHYR BREEZE!" she shrieked.

"Course, they got way bigger since then," he said lazily. "Man, they're soft."

"Why you—!" A dozen actions flipped through Fluttershy's mind: Stand up and storm out of the room, slap her brother, pull his hand away, shriek her head off, kick Zephyr in the balls, and more and more...

She sighed tiredly and settled down, not bothering to dislodge his hand. "Screw it," she said. "I'm too tired to kill you right now. Besides, maybe this'll get it out of your system."

Zephyr blinked. "You—you serious?" he asked. "You're gonna let me feel you up?"

Fluttershy shrugged, her bare breasts wobbling. "Don't misunderstand me, you'll suffer for this later. Better enjoy it while you can." Her breath hitched as Zephyr tweaked her nipple, his fingers firmly working the supple flesh of her breast.

"You are the most awesome sister ever," Zephyr said.

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. "I bet you've done this to me in my sleep once or twice," she said.

"I've never once touched your body, sis," Zephyr said seriously. "Taken pictures I shouldn't have, maybe. Snuck into your room while you were asleep and half-undressed you for a quick look at your tits? Yeah, I'll admit I've done that."

"Oh, I know," Fluttershy said, pressing her lips thin. "That's why I started locking my door. You didn't exactly cover your tracks. That and the cum stains on my stomach were kind of a dead giveaway."

"...oops. Heheh. Umm...sorry."

Fluttershy blew at her bangs. "I can get being, umm, attracted to me, but why do you have to be such a creepy pervert about—ah!—it? Also, that felt good, do that again."

Zephyr sighed. "I dunno," he said. "I mean, it's just...sometimes I can't help myself, you know? Like, it's...it's a thrill. Doin' stuff like that. Like, the more wrong it is and the more it's likely to get me killed or worse, the more I wanna do it."

"Uh-huh." Fluttershy grimaced. "So it's one of those weird fetishes."

"I guess so."

"So that's why you were hiding under my bed recording me taking my clothes off, because you knew you'd probably get caught and you got off on that?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

Zephyr had shifted around and taken Fluttershy's other breast in hand, and was now kneading them both. She'd moved her right thigh over his just enough that she was peripherally aware of his erection. "Hey, Zephyr?"

"Yeah?"

"Be honest with me, just how much of my naked body have you seen, really?"

She was looking right in his eyes. Zephyr didn't hesitate to tell the truth. "Everything but your pussy."

Fluttershy blinked. "Really? Umm...okay, that's disturbing. I guess I should be relieved there's at least one part of me that's safe from your perving eyes."

"Course," Zephyr said with a sleazy grin, "I don't need to see it." His hand moved from her breast down the front of her body, tracing over her smooth, bare stomach, toward her groin...

"Zephyr," Fluttershy growled in warning, moving his hand away.

"Aww, c'mon, sis," Zephyr pleaded. "Let me touch it, please?"

Fluttershy groaned, then sighed and parted her thighs. "Sure, why not," she said. As Zephyr's hand returned to her stomach and quested for the waistband of her panties, she reached over, unzipped his pants, and reached inside, deftly seizing his dick and stroking her long, delicate fingers along its length.

Zephyr halted. "F-Fluttershy?!"

"Well it's not like you have a hand free to do this yourself," Fluttershy pointed out. "Besides, as long as I have a hand on it, I can make sure you're not trying to put it in me..."

Just Girls Talking About Hook-Ups

The usual gathering of seven close friends in the practice room after school on a random Wednesday, running a check on their instruments before rehearsing a new song. There was a knock on the door, and it swung open a second later. An unfamiliar boy's head peeked in. "Hey, you girls got a minute?" he asked in a soft, pleasant voice.

The Rainbooms looked at each other, shrugged, and nodded. "Sure," Sunset Shimmer said. "Come on in. Sorry, I don't recognize you—?"

"Chance," he said smoothly. "Chance Carpé." Chance walked in and closed the door behind him. He had pale mocha skin, a medium build, honey-colored eyes, and medium-long pale lavender hair that brushed his shoulders in the front but was cut short at the back. He wore crisp black slacks, wingtips, and a dark blue polo shirt with a pair of dice embroidered on the breast. "I just moved here from Baltimare for my senior year."

"Ouch," Rainbow Dash said. "Starting your last year of school at a new school where you don't know anybody? That's gotta suck."

Chance shrugged. "I move around a lot. Army brat, you know how it is. Dad's a troubleshooter, so he gets reassigned every year or two."

"Oh my," Fluttershy said. "You must be so sad all the time, making new friends and then having to leave them."

"Eh, I keep in touch with the best friends I make," Chance said. "For a while anyway. But it's cool, I get to see a lot of places and do a lot of stuff. I've just had to learn to not put stuff off if I want to get it done, you know?"

"Well, welcome to CHS!" Twilight Sparkle said. "I'm sort of new here too, so I can relate!"

"Thanks." Chance straightened the hem of his shirt. "Anyway, I'll get right to the point because I don't want to take up too much of your time." He cleared his throat and looked around the room. "I'm looking for girls interested in a casual hook-up. I thought I'd ask you ladies first since, honestly, you're by far the hottest group of girls here and I like to aim for the top." At the girls' bemused stares, he smiled and added, "I know that makes me sound like kind of a jerk, just asking that right out of the blue, but I have my reasons."

Rainbow Dash gave him a flat stare. "Now when you say 'hook-up', you mean as in booty call?"

"Basically, yes," Chance said.

"Oh...dear," Fluttershy said.

"Ugh, it's Zephyr Breeze 2.0," Rainbow grumbled, playing a harsh chord on her guitar.

"Now hold up," Chance said, raising a placating hand. "Hear me out here. I'm not trying to be a creep or anything. It's just...like I said, I move around a lot. I don't get to have long-term close friendships, I don't get to do all the big school culture stuff with the same groups of classmates. I'll be graduating with virtual strangers instead of people I've known for years." He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels. "I tried having a girlfriend. Twice. Once in eighth grade, again sophomore year. Both girls, I really really liked...actually, fell in love with the second one." He shook his head. "But we couldn't stay together, and then after I moved away, she got together with somebody else and..." He shrugged. "Stopped staying in touch.

"Then last year, I took a popular, hot cheerleader to junior prom. I was pretty into her, she was pretty into me, and it being prom night, I wanted to, y'know." He chuckled ruefully. "And she wanted to too, but she had a third-date rule for that, and it was our first date. And that's cool, I can respect that. The problem is, we never had that third date, because my dad got reassigned and..." He shrugged. "We moved."

"Ouch," Sunset said with a wince.

"So what it comes down to," Chance said, "is I want to get laid before I graduate, but I don't have time to do the whole dating thing and build up a relationship with a girl and ease into it. And the way I figure it, there's bound to be at least one girl at this school who's down with that. Somebody who just wants to have a quick tumble and not do the whole dating and romance thing." He leaned on the wall. "I know I'm taking a big risk going around asking that, but it's not like I have anything to lose, right?" He smiled winsomely. "Anyway, I'll just leave my number for you girls in case you want to get in touch. And even if you're not interested, I hope we can be friends anyway. I've heard you girls are the most popular bunch here, I wouldn't mind just hanging out sometime." With that, he slid an index card across the floor, waved, and left, closing the door behind him.

"That was...strange, right?" Twilight asked after a long moment.

"Kinda, yeah," Sunset agreed.

Pinkie Pie picked up the index card and pulled out her phone. "He seems nice," she said. "I'll have to throw him a welcome party."

"Pinkie Pie, are you cracked?" Applejack asked. "He come in here outta nowhere an' straight-up asked if we wanted ta sharpen his pencil!"

Pinkie shrugged. "Yeah, so? A ton of guys are only after one thing from girls. At least he's honest about it and has a pretty good reason."

"It's...not like he was creepy about it either," Fluttershy said. "I mean, he was actually very nice..." She played with her hair, blushing faintly. "And, umm...kind of cute, too, actually..." She took the card from Pinkie and added Chance's info to her phone.

Rarity scoffed daintily. "Fluttershy! You're not seriously considering being that boy's—hmph!—booty call!"

Fluttershy's flush deepened. "Not really? But he's the total opposite of my brother, that alone earns him a spot in my phone."

"He came in here trolling for poon, Fluttershy," Rainbow pointed out. "Just. Like. Zeph."

"It's totally different!" Pinkie insisted. "Zephyr Breeze makes your skin crawl when he looks at you! Chance, it's like, 'Hey girls, I'm new, I'm looking for some booty but I'm just gonna ask nicely instead of running game like a jackass'..." She rolled a fill on her drums. "I mean, it's totally different from Zephyr's creepy thing and Timber Spruce's whole 'Ain't I great?' boy-next-door schtick."

"HEY!" Twilight cried. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh please," Pinkie said, rolling her eyes. "Timber's the try-hardiest of the try-hards! The only reason it actually works on you is because you're into dorks!"

"Wow, harsh," Sunset said with a chuckle. "True, but harsh."

"Well excuse me for having a healthy relationship," Twilight said snootily, tossing her ponytail and folding her arms.

"Can't be that healthy," Applejack mumbled. "Not if'n you're pointin' yer tits at Micro Chips like you were the other day."

Twilight gaped at her, eyes shrunken to pinpricks and glasses askew. "Wh—what?!"

Applejack blew air through her lips, then slung her bass off and sashayed around the room with one hand on her hip and her chest thrust out. "Oh Micro Chips!" she said in a fair imitation of Twilight's voice. "Science science tee hee! Math math math giggle giggle tee hee!" She fluttered her eyelashes coyly. "Biology?"

Rainbow doubled over laughing. "Oh my god seriously?!"

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Bored with Timber already, Twilight?" she said jokingly.

"What—! But! No!" Twilight stamped her foot. "I do NOT sound like that!!" She paused, her shoulders slumping. "Do I?" she asked uncertainly.

"A little bit, yeah," Sunset said.

"Oh yeah, totally," Rainbow agreed.

"Only when you're being adorable, darling," Rarity said gently.

"...wow," Twilight said, eyes downcast. She buried her face in one hand and shook her head. "Oh, I hope he didn't get the wrong idea. I wasn't trying to flirt with him, really! I mean, not like that."

"Eh, he's more your type than Timber anyway," Pinkie said. "And actually lives close by, so you can hook up whenever. Might not be your worst choice for a backup."

Twilight grumbled. "Well what about you girls?" she said heatedly. "Our group selfies get some pretty lewd comments sometimes, you know! Especially our beach selfies! How is it none of you have boyfriends or even booty calls?"

The others looked awkwardly around at each other.

"Uhh...too busy," Rainbow said.

"Too shy," Fluttershy offered.

"Gay," Sunset said without a hint of hesitation. The others gave her flat stares, and she rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. I'm too perfect for any guy to have the nerve to try to talk me up."

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Really now."

"Yep! Too perfect."

"Eh...I'll buy it," Pinkie said. "If I was a guy I'd be jerking off to a poster of you over my bed every night." She paused, then added, "Oh, and boys are scared of me because I'm too crazy."

"Well if Sunset can claim excessive perfection, I certainly can as well," Rarity said with an elegant toss of her hair. "But the plain truth is, my standards are simply too high and none of the boys here meet them."

"An' Ah jes' don't care about it none," Applejack said. "Besides, lately keepin' boys' peckers out of mah sister's mouth is durn near a full time job."

Sunset laughed. "Man, I always thought it'd be Sweetie Belle who did stuff like that. Who knew Apple Bloom had that wide a dirty streak?"

"So..." Twilight drawled into the silence that followed that remark. "What're we gonna do about Chance Carpé?"

The girls looked at each other and shrugged. "I don't see that there's anything to do," Sunset said. "He's a decent, friendly guy who's looking for a girl to have sex with him and isn't being a creep about it. Not everything that goes on at this school needs to be some big drama that involves us ponying up and singing a song and blasting somebody." She slung her guitar back on and went back to tuning it. "I mean, if any of you girls wanna take him up on it, go ahead, but other than that, it's none of our business."

* * * * *

Chance Carpé grunted as the girl straddling him bounced up and down on his rock-hard cock, coating it in her slick musk as she hilted again and again. He kept one hand on her shapely hip and kneaded her supple breast with the other. Her back arched as she moaned, again and again, sweat-soaked face tilted toward the ceiling.

When Chance finally came, she rode his bucking hips for a long moment before settling down and sagging against him, wrapping her arms around him, her sweat-damp hair curtaining her face. "That was amazing," he said huskily. "You're so hot."

She smiled at him, playful and sultry. "There's more where that came from," she said. "How about I show you what it really means to be a Canterlot Wondercolt?"

And then, to Chance's surprise, a pair of equine ears popped out of her suddenly-longer hair. In a bright flash of light and a shower of sparkles, broad, feathery wings burst from her back. Chance's jaw dropped. "What the—"

And with a powerful beat of her wings, she lifted him off the bed, holding on tight with her thighs as she ground into him three feet above the bed.

Just Nerds Stalking

With the yearbooks having just been delivered the day before, students at Canterlot High were still busy making their rounds around the school collecting signatures. During her afternoon free period, Twilight Sparkle found herself wandering the halls, searching for any other off-period students whose signatures she had not yet collected.

"H-Hey, Twilight!"

Twilight turned at the shaky, hesitant call of her name. Micro Chips rushed up to her, yearbook clutched to his chest. He bent over double to catch his breath, then looked up at her. "Umm...w-would you sign...?"

"Sure!" Twilight said. With a teasing smirk, she added, "even if you did beat me for 'Most Likely to Invent Cold Fusion'."

"Oh! Well, I, umm, you know," Chips stammered, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. He coughed. "I, um, think you won the better superlative, really."

"Really, which one? I—" Twilight offered Chips her own yearbook to sign as she took his, which was already opened to a page. She blinked at the photo of her posing for a selfie at the beach in her high-cut swimsuit. The angle perfectly captured her curves and her long legs. She blushed. "Oh wow, I—I had no idea Sunset even put that in there," she said. "How did I miss that?"

The caption was "Most Likely to Win a Swimsuit Contest Without Actually Entering."

Twilight signed the page, then handed it back to Chips, who returned her yearbook. "I hope I don't have to sign that one too often," Twilight said. "It's kind of embarrassing..."

"Hey Micro DICK!" a loud voice boomed. Two huge jocks rounded the corner, malevolent smirks on their faces. "What's up, are you getting your waifu to sign your collection?"

The shorter, stockier of the two chortled. "Bet that'll make jacking off to it even better, huh?"

Twilight found herself going cross-eyed even as Chips went strangely pale and began shaking.

"Hey Twilight, check it out," the taller jock said, thrusting his hand into Chips' backpack and pulling out a purple folder, which he handed to his friend as he held a struggling, shaking Chips in place.

"You might wanna wash your hands, you've probably got nerd cum all over 'em now," the other jock said as he handed Twilight the folder, open to show a sheaf of photos which he spread out for her to see.

Photos of her.

"Whaaa...?" Twilight warbled, eyes shrinking in surprise behind her glasses. Almost on autopilot, she took the folder and went through the pictures. Most of them were from the beach—a lot of them, she'd taken herself with her selfie drone, but there were some that had been taken by somebody else.

There were also a bunch of candid photos of her around school and at the mall. These tended to focus on her legs or her chest, depending on the angle and what she'd been wearing. There were even a couple that had been taken from behind, when she'd been bent over while wearing a short skirt. She paled at those—her panties were clearly visible.

"Check it," the tall jock chortled. "We caught this dork with his dick out in the locker room the other day, jackin' off to his little photo collection of you. Pretty pathetic, huh?"

Twilight blinked, staring at a poleaxed, white-faced Chips. "Micro Chips...?"

Chips squirmed free of the tall jock's hold and ran down the hall as fast as his legs would carry him, stumbling and falling twice before disappearing around a corner. The jocks laughed raucously behind him. Twilight watched Chips run away, then rounded on the two jocks. "What is wrong with you?!" she yelled.

The jocks blinked. "Wrong with us?" the shorter jock asked. "We're not the ones who creep around takin' pics of girls to jerk off to!"

"No, but that doesn't give you the right to humiliate somebody like that!" Twilight countered.

"Pssh," the taller jock said. "You're one of the hottest chicks at CHS and one of the most popular! What do you care about some creepy little nerd!" His face twisted into a leer. "Then again...you are kind of a nerd yourself...maybe—?"

"Nah, she's bangin' that dude that runs Camp Everfree," the shorter jock said dismissively. "She likes meaty guys with real man dicks, not wimpy little creeps. Right, Twi?"

Twilight clenched her fists in anger. "You. Are. Such."

Violet magic streamed from her hands, eyes, and geode pendant. Her ponytail stirred, lifted by the power of her aura.

"JERKS!!"

Both jocks' eyes bugged out as Twilight seized their underwear in her magic and gave them the fiercest atomic wedgies ever given in the entire history of Canterlot High School. She then swept up Chips' folder and stormed off in an angry huff.

* * * * *

Twilight found Micro Chips sitting miserably in the back of the presently-empty AP Chemistry lab. She took a deep breath and walked over to him, clutching the folder in trembling fingers. "Hey," she said.

Chips looked up and flinched. "H-hey," he said. He looked away. "Umm."

Twilight pulled a chair up to the opposite side of the lab table and sat down primly, laying the folder down and sliding it over to him. "You forgot this," she said.

Chips recoiled from the folder. "A-ah...umm..." He looked up at Twilight, face pale and sweaty. "I'm sorry!" he blurted out. "I—it's not what it looks like—"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "No, I'm pretty sure it's exactly what it looks like," she said. "It looks like you're sexually attracted to me, it looks like you've collected a lot of photos of me from the beach and, umm...elsewhere, and it looks like you've somehow managed to take a number of upskirt pictures of me without my noticing."

Chips cringed. "O-okay yeah it's...yeah," he said, bowing his head in shame.

Twilight sighed, folding her hands in front of her. "I'm not angry with you," she said. "I'm...a little embarrassed, and this whole thing is really awkward, and I have some serious questions about the upskirt thing, but..." She adjusted her glasses. "The way those guys treated you just now and humiliated you in front of me was not okay."

Chips winced. "Yeah, those guys have been on my case for a while," he lamented.

"Well, they'll think twice about messing with us nerds after the atomic wedgies I gave them," Twilight said with a smirk. She ducked her gaze, twirling one lock of hair around her finger. "So, umm..." Her cheeks flushed. "I know I shouldn't ask, but...was it true? What they said they caught you doing?"

Chips looked away, his own face burning a furious purple. "Y-yeah," he said hoarsely. "God, you must think I'm a total creep."

"Not really," Twilight said. "I mean, that's pretty normal. I remember walking in on my brother doing that a couple of times." She rolled her eyes and giggled. "You'd think he got caught burying a dead body, the way he reacted."

"But I bet he wasn't doing it to pictures of somebody he knew from school," Chips said sourly.

"Worse," Twilight said. "Comic books."

Chips' eyes widened. "Oh wow."

Twilight sighed. "I'm...embarrassed and a little grossed out at the idea of my pictures being used for that," she said, "but it's kind of flattering in a way? I mean, until I came to CHS, everybody ignored me and I was just this awkward nerd always shut up in my lab. Then I come here, and suddenly I'm popular and I get attention from boys older than me and it's like, what?" She shook her head. "Now, the thing about the upskirt pics, that does upset me. How did you even do that?"

Chips blanched. "W-well, I..." He coughed, seeing Twilight's expectant and demanding look. "I, umm...I copied the schematics for your selfie-sensing drone," he said, tugging at his collar. "I replicated the design, with some modifications. I, umm..." He ducked his gaze, his ears burning red. "I programmed it with your biometrics and some, umm...well...fanservice algorithms, and upgraded it with stealth features."

Twilight blinked. "You turned my selfie-sensing drone into a stealth stalker drone?"

"Kinda, yeah."

"Wow," Twilight said. "I'm impressed. And creeped out. But mostly impressed. And it's been following me?"

"It's programmed to patrol areas you're expected to appear, then follow you when you enter detection range. It's charging right now or else it'd actually be in the room with us."

"Can I see it?" Twilight asked excitedly. "Can I look at your specs, go over your code? Will you show me how the stealth upgrades work?"

"Uhh...sure," Chips said, blinking in confusion.

"Great!" Twilight said happily. "Oh, and I guess I won't report you for the whole stalking and upskirts thing. Just...maybe stop doing that?"

Chips ducked his gaze away. "Y-yeah, of course," he said.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course!"

Twilight scrutinized Chips. "Why the whole creepy stalker routine? I mean, we get along okay in classes and stuff. If you, umm...if you like-like me, you could've just, like, asked me out or something."

"No way!" Chips cried. "You're one of the popular girls! You're super popular and super hot! I'm a nerd! I'm just...plain and dull and awkward. Awkward guys like me don't get to even talk to popular girls, let alone ask them out!"

Twilight frowned. "Well that's stupid," she said. "Besides, I don't know if you noticed, but I'm also an awkward nerd, just like you!"

"Yeah, but—!" Chips pushed up his glasses. "You're an anomaly! You're an awkward nerd who's also super hot and popular! You're a paradox! And...and that just makes you even hotter but it also makes it impossible to get up the nerve to do anything but watch you from behind a camera..."

Twilight pinched the bridge of her nose. "Stop," she said. "Just...just stop." She looked Chips straight in the eyes. "You're making an awful lot of assumptions," she said. "Like, you think the whole social cliques thing matters to me, or that I even think of myself as part of a clique. I don't. I'm just me, and sometimes I'm not even totally sure what that means. I just know that I have a group of amazing friends who, well..." She gestured vaguely. "If you look at the seven of us, it's kind of weird that we're such good friends, right? Because we're all so different."

Chips frowned thoughtfully. "That...is true," he said.

"And this whole idea that being popular means you have to look down on people who aren't as popular is just ridiculous!" Twilight continued. "We're all the same, Micro Chips. We're all just people." She smiled.

Chips smiled back hesitantly. "I...I guess that makes sense," he said. "It's just hard to see it that way when you're used to being picked on and made fun of."

Twilight sighed. "Well, yeah, I can see that. I mean, that was me not too long ago."

They sat in awkward silence for a long moment. After a while, Chips pushed the folder back over to Twilight. "I, umm...I don't think I'll need these anymore," he said. "I don't think I can—y'know—anymore without feeling weird and guilty about it."

"No, you don't need to—I mean—!" Twilight blushed and slid the folder back over. "I don't have a problem with you having pictures of me. Well, maybe not the upskirt ones, but..." She squirmed in her seat.

Chips looked away awkwardly. "Twilight? Are you telling me it's okay if I, umm, try to ask you out sometime? Or would that, umm, not work because you know about the whole...me wanking to pictures of you and you knowing about it thing?"

"That...would make dating awkward," Twilight said. "I mean, that and I'm dating Timber Spruce right now, but we're not exactly steady or anything."

"Oh," Chips said listlessly. He shrugged. "It's just as well," he said. "I wouldn't have the slightest clue what to do on a date anyway, I'd just mess it up."

Twilight pursed her lips. "Honestly? The best dates are casual dates where you're just hanging out like friends, except it's just the two of you. Dates don't have to be a huge romantic production, they just need to be two people spending time together." She adjusted her glasses and smiled. "Like...you promised to show me your version of my selfie drone, right? Well, that could be a date!"

"Really?" Chips asked, wide-eyed and somewhat hopeful.

"Sure!" Twilight said with a bright smile.

* * * * *

After school, Twilight met up with her friends briefly to let them know she'd made sudden plans, then met up with Chips to head to his home lab. Chips' mother was over the moon at the notion that a girl was visiting her son, which led to no end of embarrassment on both teens' part.

"Sorry about my mom," Chips said as he led Twilight into the converted storage shed that served as his lab. "She can be a bit, umm—"

"My dad's the same way," Twilight said with a smirk. She followed Chips over to a workbench at the back of the lab, where a selfie drone similar to hers, but covered in dark silver reflective paint, sat in a charging pod. "So this is the stalker drone, huh?"

"Er, yes," Chips said. "Umm...can we not call it that? 'Covert observation drone' is more accurate and less, well...creepy."

"Makes it sound like a military thing though," Twilight said with a frown.

Chips shrugged. "Anyway, it's about done charging..." He flipped two switches on the drone's front panel, then pressed a button and stepped back. It whirred and beeped, then rose into the air. Its camera swiveled; once it found Twilight, it let out two muted beeps and slowly faded from view, leaving a light refraction haze in its place.

Twilight gasped. "Wow! Actual active light refraction camouflage!" She bent low, peering at the shimmery haze which she knew to be the drone. "The refraction doesn't affect its camera at all?"

"Minimally, but I installed filtering software to adjust for that," Chips said.

"And it's programmed to sense me being, umm...sexy?" Twilight said with a blush.

"Y-yeah," Chips said, ducking his head.

Twilight pursed her lips in thought, then turned her back to Chips and crossed the lab. The drone quietly followed her. She looked back at Chips, raised her eyebrow, then stood facing a corner, her back still to him, and lifted her shirt.

"Wh-what're you—?"

The drone zipped around in front of Twilight, its faint shimmer visible against the corner of the room. Twilight smirked and dropped her shirt. "Well it definitely does the two things you made it to do: be invisible and take naughty pictures of me. Oh, and you can keep that one too, I just wish I was wearing a nicer bra today."

Chips' face burned crimson. "Are you teasing me on purpose?" he asked.

"Of course," Twilight said simply, tossing her hair. "If there's one thing I've learned from dating Timber, it's that teasing horny boys is a lot of fun." She winked and giggled.

Chips grabbed a random sheaf of schematic diagrams and held them against his pants, letting out a cough. This only caused Twilight to break out into laughter, squeezing her eyes shut as she clutched her stomach.

"Uh, so..." Chips cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably. "The specs and code and stuff for my drone are all over here..."

Sobering up, Twilight headed back over to Chips' work table, where he was spreading out the schematic diagram of his drone. She sat down on a rolling stool and started poring over the schematics, nodding thoughtfully. "Yeah, I see the changes you made from my base design," she said. "Oh, hey, you improved the battery life and reduced the friction on the propellers, not bad!"

"Aheh, well...those are just little tweaks," Chips said, scratching the back of his head.

"Tweaks that let it stay out longer and make it quieter while at the same time giving the camera more stability!" Twilight said. As she inspected the diagram, her hand brushed against a curled-up sheet that lay nearby, knocking it to the floor. "Oh?" she bent down to pick it up. "What's this for?" Curious, she spread it out and clipped it down. "It looks like a miniaturized version of the selfie drone—"

"Grk!" Chips' eyes flew open in panic.

"What's this attachment for?" Twilight wondered, adjusting her glasses and narrowing her eyes. "It almost looks...like..." She trailed off, then looked up at Chips with a pinched frown.

"I didn't build one! I wasn't gonna!" Chips stammered.

Twilight checked a reference number on the corner of the diagram, then opened Chips' computer and went into his files. She pulled up the matching code data and scrolled through it for a long moment, her lips pinching thinner and thinner. Her cheeks heated up. She turned and raised an eyebrow, folding her arms and giving Chips an annoyed glare. "Perv," she said flatly.

Chips hung his head. "I-it was just an idea I had when I was, umm..." He coughed. "I mean yeah, I drew up the specs and wrote the code, but I swear I was never gonna actually make one."

"Really," Twilight said in a dry tone. "So what, you just design things you're never gonna go through with building because of what, some fantasy you had about me?"

Chips shifted. "It's...not the only one," he said, gesturing to a bundled roll of schematics above the work table. Twilight blinked, then started unrolling diagrams. As she pored over them, her face grew progressively redder.

"Umm," she said. "I. Um. Wow. Some of these are very...inventive?" She scooted away from the desk, blushing clear to the tips of her ears. "So I'm just gonna...go," she said slowly. "Umm...I'll see you at...at school...yeah..." With that, she beat a hasty retreat, leaving Chips to stew in shame and embarrassment and awkwardness.

* * * * *

Two weeks later...

It was past nine in the evening, and Twilight sat in bed reading, her bare knees drawn up to her chest. It was warm and slightly humid, so she only had on a loose T-shirt and panties.

A faint buzzing drew her attention. She looked up from her book, a puzzled frown on her face. She checked her phone, but there were no notifications. The buzzing repeated itself; she looked up just in time to see a drone decloak in front of her. It was smaller than the selfie drone, and looked a bit like an inverted mechanical scorpion, with two large, flexible, rubber-covered claws and a "tail" that ended in a bullet-shaped purple knob.

The drone swooped down to skim level to the bed's surface. Twilight felt its "claws" latch firmly around her upper thighs and blushed. "Oh," she said.

A louder buzzing sound drifted up from between Twilight's legs. The drone's tail manuevered itself so that its tip rested against Twilight's crotch, then pressed firmly against her panty-clad slit, vibrating intensely as it rubbed up and down along her labia. Twilight bit her lip and moaned softly, eyelids fluttering. She slipped her hand between her thighs and slowly pulled her panties aside, exposing herself to the drone. She sucked in a sharp breath as the little vibrator penetrated her, sinking into her tight cunny and vibrating more intensely.

Her phone chimed a video call request. She picked it up and answered it. For a moment, the screen was blank; a light came on, and the image jumped around to show a pale violet dick, with a skinny hand furiously stroking it. She blushed and giggled, leaning back against her pillows and watching Micro Chips jerk himself off while his drone went to work on her love tunnel.

Just Drunks Parsing

Author's Note

For the sake of argument, assume Rainbow and Flash are just drunk enough that they more or less still know what they're doing, but they're not completely thinking straight and make bad decisions.

Just Drunks Parsing

A slender purple finger tapped against a camera lens, then drew back to reveal a purple hand, which further drew back and out of frame, revealing a girl with lavender skin, magenta-streaked purple hair in a high ponytail, and black-framed glasses. She wore a striped blouse and a pink bowtie, with a white lab coat over that.

"Good day. My name is Twilight Sparkle. Recently, I've taken an interest in behavioral sciences as I have explored the social dynamics of average teenagers in a safe, productive, emotionally supportive environment.

"After a recent...incident, the details of which are private and personal," Twilight squirmed slightly, her cheeks reddening, "I've decided to perform a study of the effects of intoxication on critical thinking skills. After considering a number of different potential experiments, I decided on one which is relatively safe and should have an...amusing outcome.

"For this experiment, I have selected two peers who are straight B students, average in every way, and had them drink two beers and a shot each. Now that they're both somewhat inebriated, I am going to have them play an old-school text-based parser game. Parser games have long been regarded as an effective test of critical thinking skills. How will a pair of silly drunks fare against a parser? Let's find out."

* * * * *

Rainbow Dash and Flash Sentry sat side by side in front of a computer with a wireless keyboard positioned between them.

"For the first part of the experiment, I had the two subjects spend approximately ninety minutes getting used to playing the parser game, as neither had ever played one before. Completely sober, they were able to cooperatively reach a point roughly a third of the way through the scripted adventure. At that point, I gave them a break and had them drink two beers and a shot each. Once the signs of inebriation set in, I sent them back to the computer. We're going to continue from the point they left off."

A block of text filled the computer screen.

The roadhouse smells strongly of goats, with a thick haze of tobacco smoke hanging in the air and a bitter coppery odor mingling with the smoke and goat smell. A long bar covered in dusty, grimy bottles stretches out to your left; to your right you see a half dozen rough wooden tables which sport various stains from alcohol, food, and other less savory things. To the north, a low stone arch leads to a room with a crackling fire pit. To the west, a locked wooden door leads to the private rooms. You also see a bartender, a one-eyed rider, and a bulldog.

Without hesitation, Rainbow Dash reached for the keyboard.

go north

The fire room of the roadhouse is much the same as the bar room, with rough, dirty wooden tables and a haze of goat-flavored smoke. Every table is empty, and the fire is slowly dying.

"Well this sucks," Rainbow said. "There's nothing to do here."

Flash belched, then took the keyboard.

go south
go west

The roadhouse smells strongly of goats, with a thick haze of tobacco smoke hanging in the air and a bitter coppery odor mingling with the smoke and goat smell. A long bar covered in dusty, grimy bottles stretches out to your left; to your right you see a half dozen rough wooden tables which sport various stains from alcohol, food, and other less savory things. To the north, a low stone arch leads to a room with a crackling fire pit. To the west, a locked wooden door leads to the private rooms. You also see a bartender, a one-eyed rider, and a bulldog.

You bonk your nose on the locked door.

"Dumbass," Rainbow snorted.

Flash grumbled.

unlock door
go door

You don't have the key to this door.

You bonk you nose on the locked door.

Flash let out an irritated snort, while Rainbow laughed. "We need the key, stupid," she said, yanking the keyboard away.

get key

I don't see that here.

"Huh? Where is it, then?"

look

The roadhouse smells strongly of goats, with a thick haze of tobacco smoke hanging in the air and a bitter coppery odor mingling with the smoke and goat smell. A long bar covered in dusty, grimy bottles stretches out to your left; to your right you see a half dozen rough wooden tables which sport various stains from alcohol, food, and other less savory things. To the north, a low stone arch leads to a room with a crackling fire pit. To the west, a locked wooden door leads to the private rooms. You also see a bartender, a one-eyed rider, and a bulldog.

"I guess the bartender has it?" Flash suggested.

get key from bartender

I don't see that here.

Flash growled. "Where's the damn key?!"

Rainbow pursed her lips. "Wait a sec. We're doin' this wrong." She took the keyboard back.

aks bartnder

I didn't understand that.

"Sonofa..."

ask bartender

What do you want to ask him?

"ARGH!"

ask bartender for key

The bartender slaps a thick brass key on the bar and scowls at you as if to urge you to get out of his face.

"Yeah, well fuck you too, buddy!" Rainbow said, flipping the screen the bird. Flash snorted, then typed.

take key
unlock door
go door

You take the key from the bar.

You unlock the wooden door.

You enter the wooden door.

You find yourself in an unremarkable hallway leading to a flight of stairs. Very little light filters in through the high, grimy windows.

go stairs

"Hey! My turn!" Rainbow cried.

"What? There was only one thing to do there!" Flash argued, sliding the keyboard over.

"Fine," Rainbow grumbled.

The upstairs hallway is dimly lit by flickering bulbs. Three doors stand along the left side of the hall. The furthest door is slightly ajar.

go door

You should probably open it first.

"Sonofa—"

open door
go door

The door is hard to open, but with effort, you manage to push it loose from its frame. It groans loudly as it swings open.

The walls of this room are covered in dingy, peeling wallpaper. Ancient curtains that haven't been cleaned in years hang over the window. Rummage sale lamps sit upon mismatched tables on either side of a full sized bed with red satin sheets. A young woman with long, curly brown hair is sprawled out on the bed, clad in purple silk lingerie that leaves very little to the imagination. A half-empty wine glass standing next to the bed beside a mostly-empty wine bottle suggests she has passed out drunk.

Rainbow pursed her lips. "Huh. What do we do here?"

Flash rubbed his forehead. "We're supposed to...meet somebody here, right? Wasn't that the clue?"

"Upstairs at the roadhouse, yeah."

"So it must be her, then," Flash said, reaching for the keyboard.

wake woman

You try and wake the young woman. She is too deeply asleep to be roused.

"I'll get 'er up," Rainbow said.

slap woman

You slap the young woman sharply across the face, leaving an angry red mark. She mumbles something in her sleep and rolls over slightly.

"Dang it!"

"Hmm," Flash muttered.

examine woman

The woman sleeping on the bed looks to be anywhere between nineteen and twenty-five years old, with long, curly brown hair, ruby lips, and generous curves. A lacy purple silk bra barely restrains her ample bosom, and high-cut purple silk panties emphasize the width of her shapely hips. A faint smell of wine and lilacs hovers around her like a shroud.

"Gee, someone was a perv," Rainbow said.

"Kinda sounds like Rarity with different hair," Flash said. He read back over the previous few paragraphs, then bit his lip.

take bra

"Dude, what the hell?"

You remove the sleeping woman's bra and stuff it into your pocket. Her bare breasts spill out, nipples small and pink and stiff.

Rainbow's jaw dropped. "What the—why is that even a thing?"

"I dunno, but I like where this is going," Flash said with a grin.

grab tits

I don't see that here.

grab boobs

I don't see that here.

grab breasts

You amuse yourself for a few minutes by wantonly fondling the sleeping woman's breasts.

Rainbow slapped Flash upside the head. "Enough."

"Oh come on, this is cool!" Flash said. With a leer, he started typing again.

take panties

You remove the sleeping woman's panties and stuff them into your pocket. She stirs slightly, but doesn't wake; she turns over and mumbles sleepily.

look

The walls of this room are covered in dingy, peeling wallpaper. Ancient curtains that haven't been cleaned in years hang over the window. Rummage sale lamps sit upon mismatched tables on either side of a full sized bed with red satin sheets. A young woman with long, curly brown hair is sprawled out on the bed, completely naked. A half-empty wine glass standing next to the bed beside a mostly-empty wine bottle suggests she has passed out drunk.

look woman

The woman sleeping on the bed looks to be anywhere between nineteen and twenty-five years old, with long, curly brown hair, ruby lips, and generous curves. Her breasts are large and supple, with small, erect pink nipples. She has very little pubic hair, and what little there is is neatly trimmed. A faint smell of wine and lilacs hovers around her like a shroud.

"When the heck did this turn into a porn game?" Rainbow wondered.

"Why won't this bitch wake up?" Flash wondered. "We've done just about everything but rape her!"

Rainbow tilted her head. "That's sick, dude," she said. "Maybe there's some like coffee or something around here, we should check—"

rape woman

As soon as Flash finished typing, Rainbow grabbed the keyboard away and snarled at him. "DUDE! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! UNDO, UNDO—"

You remove your pants and backpack, climb onto the bed, and rape the young woman. She is so deep in a drunken sleep that she is completely unaware of your actions. You might as well be forcing yourself on a rubber chicken. As soon as you climax inside her, she flops bonelessly onto the bed, still sound asleep, never having even stirred from her slumber.

You have now committed one (1) felony.

Rainbow stared, slack-jawed. "Huh?!"

Flash groaned, throwing his hands up. "I'm done," he said. "This is so stupid." He snatched the keyboard back.

yeet

"Oh, like it's gonna know—"

With a wild yell, you jump up onto the bed, landing feet-first on the sleeping woman's chest and abdomen. You hear bones cracking upon impact. You jump straight up and come down on her with full force, and her eyes fly open. She lets out a blood-curdling scream which doesn't completely cover the sound of her sternum and pelvis shattering, nor the stomach-lurching SNAP of the bed breaking underneath you.

You have now committed two (2) felonies.

Rainbow and Flash both stared at the screen, jaws gaping and eyes wide. "Holy shit," Rainbow whispered.

"Oh dude, what the hell just—fuck!"

"What the hell just..." Rainbow reached for the keyboard and typed:

look

The walls of this room are covered in dingy, peeling wallpaper. Ancient curtains that haven't been cleaned in years hang over the window. Rummage sale lamps sit upon mismatched tables on either side of a full sized bed with red satin sheets. A dead naked woman with long curly brown hair lies in the bed, her eyes wide open in terror and blood seeping out of her mouth. You also see a mostly empty wine bottle and a half-empty wine glass.

look woman

The dead body of a beautiful young woman lies on the bed. She has long, curly brown hair and a voluptuous figure. She obviously died from severe trauma, and appears to have been raped.

"Dude, what kind of sick game is Twilight makin' us play here?" Rainbow wondered.

"This is so messed up," Flash said. "I'm gonna have to get some guarantee of gettin' laid before I sign up for this kind of shit again."

"Wait, what?" Rainbow asked, blinking.

Flash snorted. "Really? I'm one dude who hangs around a bunch of hot chicks whenever he can. I mean, you girls are cool and all, but I put up with way too much of your bullshit for a guy who's been friendzoned twice now. I'm after some pussy. Twilight, Sunset, you, I don't even care anymore."

Rainbow stared at him in shock, cheeks red. "Um. Whoa. Dude. Okay. Wow." She shook her head. "That's...that's..." She frowned, looking at the screen. "Yeah, hard pass on that," she said. "I really hope that's the booze talking, or there's gonna be serious drama later."

Flash looked away awkwardly. "Y-yeah," he grunted hoarsely. "Let's just finish up this stupid game and get outta here."

A new message appeared on the screen.

You hear footsteps from below, growing louder. Somebody is coming upstairs.

Flash and Rainbow looked at each other.

"We gotta hide the body," Rainbow said urgently.

"How?" Flash whispered back frantically. "Shove her under the bed? There's only one way out and they'll catch us!"

"Well you better think of something, Mr. Can't Keep It In His Pants—"

"Will you keep your voice down?" Flash hissed. "Think, think—" He snapped his fingers. "The window!"

"What, just throw her out like garbage?" Rainbow whispered back. "That's pretty low, dude!"

"She's already dead, what's it matter?"

throw woman out window

You don't have that.

Rainbow growled in annoyance.

get woman
throw woman out window

You pick up the dead woman in both arms. She is unexpectedly heavy.

You heave the dead woman at the window. She smacks against the glass and flops to the floor with a loud thud.

"Oh, for fuckin' out loud!"

open window

With difficulty, you manage to open the ancient window. It creaks loudly as it opens.

get woman
throw woman out window

You pick up the dead woman in both arms. She is unexpectedly heavy.

You heave the dead woman at the window. She bounces off the screen and flops to the floor with a loud thud.

Rainbow Dash screamed. Flash grabbed the keyboard.

smash screen
get woman
throw woman out window

You violently rip and tear the bug screen from the open window.

You pick up the dead woman in both arms. She is unexpectedly heavy.

You heave the dead woman out the open window. Her body drops to the ground below with a meaty thud that carries up to the second floor. The branches of bushes below crash and crackle under her weight.

The footsteps are getting closer. You can hear muffled voices in the hall.

"Crap oh crap oh crap what do we DO?" Rainbow whisper-shouted, fidgeting nervously.

"Hide!" Flash insisted, crawling under the table. Rainbow started to follow his lead, then stopped herself, smacking her forehead.

"Dumbass!" she snarled as she crawled back up into her chair and began typing, face burning with embarrassment.

hide under bed

You slide under the bed. It's incredibly dusty, but there's plenty of room. The dust tickles your nose. From outside, you hear scuffling footsteps come to a halt.

"Tell me when they're gone," Flash whispered loudly. Rainbow kicked him.

"Get up from there, you moron!" She watched the screen expectantly as Flash emerged, rubbing his shoulder and wincing. "Let's see..."

inventory

You are wearing a khaki button-down shirt, a dirty red scarf, a thick pair of mustard yellow hiking socks, and thick-soled hiking shoes. A quick check of your pockets reveals a small battery-powered flashlight, a compass, a map, a journal, a ball point pen, and a packet of chewing gum.

Flash frowned. "Where's our gun? Our knife? All our other stuff?"

Rainbow facepalmed. "We took it all off when you decided to be a rapist," she said.

Two men burst through the open door. One of them begins yelling. Dread creeps up your spine as you realize your discarded belongings have been discovered.

Your nose is twitching from the dust under the bed.

"Oh crap," Rainbow muttered.

hold breath

You try to hold your breath, but the dust is too much. You sneeze violently!

"CRAP!"

A huge, tanned hand reaches under the bed and hauls you out by the hair. You find yourself face-to-face with a broad, incredibly massive man with wild, curly hair, dozens of tattoos, and breath like a fish market. He looks you up and down, bellows something about what you've done to his wife, then throws you violently to the floor. Before you have a chance to react, he presses the barrel of a shotgun between your eyes and pulls the trigger. Your brains, eyes, and assorted other bits of your head splatter all over the room.

It seems you have died...

Your adventure has come to an end.

"Oh, FUCK!" Flash snarled. He grabbed the keyboard and threw it across the room, where it hit the wall and exploded into a mess of snapped-off key caps.

"This is all your fault!" Rainbow said, jabbing an accusatory finger at Flash. "You and your stupid horny bullshit!"

Before a full-on fight could erupt, the door opened, and Twilight walked in, flanked by Applejack and Sunset Shimmer. "Okay, let's calm down and break it up, you two," Sunset said.

"Thanks, you guys, this has been...really educational," Twilight said with a cough and an embarrassed flush. "It'll, um, take me a while to...evaluate the results." She adjusted her glasses. "Oh, and for the record? You were in the wrong room the whole time. The next flag event was in the third room, the one whose door was ajar."

Rainbow and Flash fell silent, staring at Twilight, then at each other, jaws slack and arms limp.

Just Girls Talking Dirty

Author's Note

Welcome to the more explicit spinoff of Just Girls Talking!

Just a reminder: As with the parent story, there is not necessarily any continuity between chapters. Events from some chapters of Just Girls Talking might be mentioned, or might be ignored entirely.

Just Girls Talking Dirty

Sunset Shimmer and her friends sat around Rainbow Dash's living room. It was a hot Friday afternoon in late August, the end of the first week back to school. Now that they were seniors, the girls had decided to get together for a group study session so that none of them would have to brave the pile of difficult weekend homework alone. Given the heat and humidity, the girls all wore shorts and thin T-shirts or tank tops and had ditched their bras at the first opportunity.

As the girls spread out with open books, tablets, and cold drinks, Pinkie Pie took a look around, smirked, and pulled out her selfie stick, raising her phone above the group and taking a picture. Sunset blinked at her. "Pinkie? What—"

"Just a little something to tease the boys at school with," Pinkie said as she typed out a status update. "Seven sexy girls in tight little shorts and not a boy in sight," she said as she typed, giggling.

"Oh, you didn't," Fluttershy whimpered, blushing. "Please tell me you didn't."

"Why shouldn't I?" Pinkie asked. "We're the hottest girls at school! Why shouldn't we have a little fun teasing the boys?"

"I dunno if I'm cool with the idea of a bunch of guys from school jerkin' off to a pic of us you posted on MyStable," Rainbow said hesitantly. "I mean, yeah, I can see why you'd wanna tease the guys a bit, but you know that's what's gonna happen, right?"

Twilight's face turned red. "They'd...really? Just...just for us sitting around in shorts?"

Rainbow picked up her own phone and opened MyStable. She grinned. "I would," she said.

The other girls checked their phones. Fluttershy blinked. "Well, that's not...too bad," she said. "I mean, at least you can't see anything indecent..." She frowned. "Is my butt really that big?"

"Your butt is perfect, darling," Rarity said. "It just looks like that because your shorts are a rather unfortunate color that, well...adds on camera."

"Yeah, 'Shy, I love your butt," Rainbow said.

Fluttershy squeaked and buried her face behind her hair. "D-Dashie," she stammered, "y-you should really be...more careful how you phrase things..."

"I know what I said," Rainbow said with a smirk, causing Fluttershy to turn even redder.

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Y'all need some privacy?"

Twilight stared wide-eyed at Rainbow. "Rainbow Dash? Are you...are you g-gay...?"

Rainbow snickered. "Nah, not really. I mean, I think girls are sexier than boys, and I kinda get off to the same kinda porn guys do, but—"

"That'd make you gay, Dashie," Pinkie said.

"No, it just means I think girls are hotter than guys. It doesn't mean I wanna be like Lyra and Bon Bon or Tavi and Vi." Dash blushed. "I mean, I wanna, y'know, do it with a guy someday. When I'm ready. I like lookin' at the girls in porn and..." She trailed off.

"Imagining yourself in their place?" Rarity suggested, her own cheeks flushed. "I...I think I can relate." She fanned herself with her notebook. "Goodness knows I've had some...rather intense dreams." Coughing, she mumbled almost inaudibly, "Rather embarrassing for Sweetie Belle to come wake me up for breakfast and I'm lying in bed with completely soaked panties..."

"WAY too much info, Rarity," Applejack said, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

"Oh crap you can see my nipples in that pic," Pinkie said suddenly, her face flushing. After a moment, she shrugged. "Eh. Don't care. Besides, I had to look really close to see."

Fluttershy squeaked. "Pinkie Pie!"

"What?" Pinkie whined. "Maybe it'll actually finally get me a boyfriend!"

"You know, now that you mention it," Rainbow said suddenly, "isn't it kinda weird that out of all of us, the egghead is the only one with a boyfriend? I mean, I'm not lookin' or anything, but you'd think Rarity at least would have a boyfriend."

Rarity grimaced. "Thank you for reminding me," she said sourly, "that my dating life is utterly nonexistent. That my darling little sister has been on more dates than I have."

"Least you ain't ever walked in on your sister kissin' another girl," Applejack muttered, shuddering.

The others stared at her. "Wait, what?!" Sunset said. "No, wait. I know for a fact Apple Bloom is dating Tender Taps..."

"Oh yeah, she's goin' out with Taps," Applejack said. "But Ah caught 'er foolin' around with Silver Spoon a couple weeks ago."

"Wait. With Silver Spoon?" Rainbow said, propping herself up on her elbows and looking interestedly at Applejack. "How the hell?"

Applejack shrugged. "Heck if Ah know. Ah just know Sil's been comin' around a lot more lately. Diamond Tiara sometimes too, but usually just Sil."

"That's...wow," Sunset said, mouth gaping like a fish. She shook her head. "But back to the boyfriends thing..." She blushed and ducked her head. "I...actually may be getting back together with Flash."

"Seriously?" Rainbow asked.

"Wow, didn't see that coming!" Pinkie gasped.

Sunset smiled. "It's...well..." She played with her hair. "We've been talking a lot since Camp Everfree. I think I might've sent him some mixed signals when he was trying to restart our friendship, but once we worked past all that, he's been..." Her smile turned silly. "Sweet." She grinned suddenly. "Actually, right before summer ended? I hung out at his place all day one day wearing nothing but a bikini. You know, that little red one I wore when we all went to Canterlittle?" She started laughing. "He kept trying to hide his boner all day long, it was so funny!"

"Oh dear," Rarity said, covering a giggle.

Twilight stared at Sunset, her cheeks flushed. "That's...that's just shameless and cruel!"

"Oh, I know," Sunset said in a teasing voice.

Rainbow laughed. "You are twisted, you know that?"

Sunset just grinned and buffed her nails on her T-shirt. Glancing over at Twilight, she asked, "How are things going with Timber?"

"Actually, I think that's pretty much over," Twilight said. "I mean, he was a summer fling, you know? Plus he's a few years older than me and I think that'd...umm...kinda not be cool with my brother."

"Aww, that's too bad," Rarity said. "You two were so adorable together!"

"Hey, did you and Timber ever, y'know..." Rainbow said suddenly. "Do it?"

Twilight flushed deeply. "Wh-what? No! Of course not!" She started playing with her hair. "I mean, we...no!"

"Well that sucks," Rainbow said. "I wanted to hear some juicy details."

"Rainbow Dash! Honestly," Rarity chided. A moment later, she added, "Although...I must confess I'd be curious myself..."

"Why don't we all get back to homework?" Fluttershy suggested. "You know, homework that doesn't have anything to do with boyfriends or...or sex..."

"Nope, sex is more interesting," Rainbow said cheerfully. "So Sunset, if you get back together with Flash, you gonna do him?"

Sunset shrugged. "Maybe? I dunno." She tapped her stylus on her tablet idly. "I've honestly never really thought about, well..." She gestured vaguely. "I mean, except for—" She trailed off abruptly, her eyes wide, then clamped her mouth shut.

"Oh?" Pinkie asked slyly. "Except for when?"

"Nevermind!" Sunset said hastily.

"Nuh-uh. Come on, girl. You can't leave us hanging like that!"

Sunset sighed. "Except...Princess Twilight, okay?" She ducked her head, cheeks burning. "I...I used to think, sometimes, about...about me and her..."

Twilight's eyes widened. The other girls raised eyebrows.

"Wow. You called it, Rainbow Dash," Applejack said with a smirk.

Sunset looked away from the girls. "Okay, so I kinda...would've liked to, maybe..." She coughed. "Maybe sometimes I still think about..."

Rainbow gave Sunset a huge, sleazy grin. "Makin' her squeal out your name?"

"Rainbow Dash! Don't..." Fluttershy said in a quavering voice. "This is obviously hard for her..."

Twilight coughed. "You don't, umm...y-you don't think those things about...about m-me, do you?"

Sunset cast her gaze to Twilight, sighed, and looked away. "A little," she admitted. "A lot actually. I..." She played with a loose thread on her shorts. "That day we were playing in the hammock, I came really close to copping a feel."

"Oh," Twilight said quietly, ducking her head.

"That...that doesn't bother you, does it?" Sunset asked quietly. "If it does, I—"

"It...it does a little," Twilight said. "Sorry, it's—I'm just now getting used to having friends, and now I have to deal with knowing one of my friends wants to sleep with me, it's a little..." She shrugged helplessly.

"I'm sorry," Sunset said.

Twilight shook her head. "N-no, it's...it's okay," she said. "Besides, you said it yourself, it's her you want, not me. It's...it's just like Flash, right?"

Sunset grimaced. "No, Twilight, it's not the same," she said.

"And I just had an awesomely hot mental image," Rainbow interjected. "I just pictured both Twilights screwin' each other."

All the girls froze, turning to stare at her. Twilight's eyes widened, her glasses sliding down her nose.

Fluttershy turned very red. "Oh...oh my," she said.

Sunset swallowed heavily. "Okay, yeah, that's...that's pretty...hot." She looked at Twilight, then looked away, her cheeks as red as her hair.

"It'd be like watchin' twins go at it," Rainbow said. "Like this one video I saw one time—"

"I think that's enough of that, darling," Rarity said sternly.

"Oh come on, let me have this!" Rainbow complained.

"Let you fantasize about your friends like a pervert?" Rarity asked pointedly.

"Yes!" Rainbow declared. "There isn't a single one of you I haven't pictured getting fucked! Myself included! I've pictured Rarity on her knees deep-throating a guy! Fluttershy and Big Mac doin' it in the barn! Pinkie Pie covered head to toe in jizz!"

"I actually took a picture of myself covered in strudel icing one time that looked exactly like that," Pinkie said with a sheepish giggle.

"Send it to me?" Rainbow asked.

Pinkie shrugged. "Sure."

Applejack facepalmed. "Okay y'all, seriously, enough."

"You don't...fantasize about me and horses, do you?" Sunset asked Rainbow.

"Not anymore," Rainbow said. "Mostly I just fantasize about you doin' it with like, four or five guys at a time."

"Gaaah."

"Or with Twilight."

"...I can live with that."

"You fantasize about me and Big Macintosh?" Fluttershy asked suddenly, playing with her hair.

"Well, yeah," Rainbow said. "I dunno why, I just kinda ship you two."

"Oh..."

"Ah, dammit, now I'm horny," Rainbow complained, looking at her homework with disgust. "It's way too hot to get all sticky and nasty, but I can't even concentrate on this shit."

The other girls looked at one another. Rarity coughed. "Ahem. Would you like us to leave so you can, erm...pleasure yourself?"

"Nah," Rainbow said, flopping over onto her back. "Like I said, it's just too hot to do anything."

Applejack sighed. "That, Ah'll agree with," she said. "Ah'm takin' a break."

Sunset rolled her shoulders. "Yeah, same here," she said. "I forgot what I'm even doing anyway. Besides, this conversation is way more interesting, as embarrassing as it is."

"You said you fantasize about yourself too?" Twilight asked suddenly.

"Of course!" Rainbow said.

"There's a surprise," Rarity muttered.

Sunset folded her legs under her. "Tell us one of your fantasies," she said. "You've got me curious now."

"You mean about me?" Rainbow asked.

"Yeah."

"Ooh, this'll be fun," Pinkie said, leaning forward eagerly.

"Okay," Rainbow said, swallowing. "So...hmm..." She folded her arms behind her head and looked backwards at the girls from where she lay on the floor. "Okay, so it's me and Soarin, and I'm wearin' this little black dress and high heels, except the dress is hiked up around my hips and my tits are out and my panties are down around one ankle, and Soarin's on top of me, fuckin' me, and—"

"Wait...Soarin?" Sunset asked. "Really?"

Rainbow blushed. "Y-yeah," she said. "So?"

"Nothing, just didn't expect that," Sunset said. "Anyway, so he's fucking you, and...?"

"So it's real hot and sexy and stuff and then he comes inside me and backs off, and I'm lyin' there pantin', you know, and then he turns me over and pulls me up onto my hands and knees and starts fuckin' me in the ass and I'm like OH MY GOD and..." Rainbow closed her eyes and sucked in a breath through her teeth. "Yeah..."

The others stared at her. "Umm..." Pinkie said. "Wow."

"Oh my," Rarity breathed.

"Somehow, I can't see that," Sunset said. "I can't picture you not being on top for some reason."

"Eh, you an' AJ are more suited for cowgirl," Rainbow said dismissively. "Actually, I think the hottest position is shoved up against a wall with the guy's hands on my ass..." She paused, then coughed. "I mean, y'know, when I start havin' sex and stuff."

"Cowgirl?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, you know," Pinkie said. "As in ride 'em cowgirl?" She got to her knees, spreading her thighs apart, and bounced up and down while miming twirling a lasso over her head.

"AHHH!" Twilight yelped. "Okay, okay, I get it!"

"I think the heat must be getting to all of us," Rarity said, plucking at the collar of her T-shirt.

"But yeah, I can only ever see AJ riding Big Mac cowgirl," Rainbow said absently. "Or Sunset with pretty much anybody." She paused. "And I guess Pinkie Pie now, after that—"

"HOLD ON A THUNDERATIN' SECOND," Applejack boomed. "Whut'n th' HELL d'you mean AJ ridin' Big Mac?!"

Rainbow made a stuck sound in the back of her throat. "Oh! Um. Did I say Big Mac? I meant, umm...umm...that dude with the dreadlocks! Right?"

"Mah chaps you did," Applejack growled. "Whut, you think us hicks are a buncha inbreedin'—"

"No, no, no!" Rainbow cried in protest. "I just..." She blushed. "Brother-sister stuff is kinda hot, y'know? Because it's so wrong."

"VERY wrong," Twilight said sourly. "You don't think things like that about—"

"No," Rainbow said hastily. "I've never even met your brother, remember? And Fluttershy's brother, ugh. No."

"You're damn right ugh no," Fluttershy muttered, giving Rainbow a thin-eyed stare.

"But AJ and Big Mac, now that would be hot," Rainbow said. She gave Applejack a sheepish look. "Sorry, I can't help it if that's what I think."

Applejack frowned at her.

"If it helps, I've imagined all of us with Big Mac," Rainbow offered plaintively. "And I mean all of us. At the same time."

Applejack's frown turned into a wide-eyed, open-mouthed stare. Her cheeks flushed not from anger, but from growing embarrassment. The other girls' faces took on the same expression. Applejack started to speak, paused, started again, then shook her head. "Ah got nothin'," she said in a dumbfounded, defeated tone.

"How would that even work?" Twilight wondered absently.

"I can see it," Rarity said quietly. "We'd all be wearing Saddle Arabian silks..."

"Or bunny girl outfits," Pinkie said.

"I've always wanted to wear one of those," Fluttershy said distractedly. "Umm...not in front of anybody, I just want to see if...if I'd look good in it..."

"You'd look amazing in it, Fluttershy," Rainbow said.

"Is this...is this what friends do?" Twilight asked in a shaky, nasally voice. "I mean, I never once in my life thought I'd be part of a conversation this...this raunchy..."

Sunset snorted. "Well, I think it's the first time we've ever gotten this deep in the gutter, but it's hardly the first time we've talked about stuff like this." She stretched her arms above her head and yawned; when she opened her eyes, she saw Pinkie's phone pointed at her. She frowned. "What—?"

"Underboob shot!" Pinkie declared happily, giggling.

Sunset sputtered. "H-HEY! Don't you dare—!" She shot to her feet and tackled Pinkie, sending her phone flying across the room; it skittered to a stop against a potted plant. Pinkie giggled helplessly as she flailed underneath Sunset, then shrieked with uncontrollable mirth as Sunset started tickling her sides. As Pinkie writhed underneath her, both girls' shirts rode up, fully exposing their breasts.

"Oh god this is so hot," Rainbow muttered, pulling out her phone.

"Umm...g-girls?" Fluttershy stammered.

Applejack scowled at Rainbow. "You ain't takin' pictures of this."

"Nope. Video," Rainbow replied. "Not gonna post it. This is juuuuuust for me."

Applejack snorted. "You're gonna get your ass kicked. You know that, right?"

Pinkie managed to turn over so that she was looking up at Sunset. With a naughty smirk, she grabbed hold of Sunset's boobs.

"Worth it!" Rainbow said with a lecherous grin.

"Girls...this is..." Fluttershy tried again.

Sunset raised an eyebrow and jammed her hand down Pinkie's shorts. A second later, Pinkie squealed, arching her back and thrusting her breasts up against Sunset.

"This is happening," Twilight said with a nervous quaiver. "This is a thing. A thing that's happening. Right here in front of us. Hahaha."

"I..." Rarity began, then trailed off, her jaw hanging open. She held up one finger as if to begin speaking, then stopped, sighed, and dropped her hand. "Nevermind."

"You do know Rainbow Dash's dad is in the basement...don't you?" Fluttershy tried plaintively.

"EEK!" Pinkie shrieked, giggling. "Don't pinch thaaAAAat!"

"...oh...my..."

"Rainbow, keep that other hand where we can all see it," Applejack muttered in a bored tone as Rainbow started to slip her hand down her shorts.

Rainbow glanced at her, smirked, and started to wiggle out of her shorts.

"That ain't what Ah meant, y'damn pervert!"

Twilight buried her face in her hands. "This is my life now..."