Rarity Steals an Expensive Egg

by Doom Trot

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Random
Length: 1014

Rarity sees a darling decorative egg that she wants for the boutique. But it's expensive. Very expensive.

While searching for new decor for the Carousel Boutique, Rarity happens upon an exotic and singularly mesmerizing golden egg. Unfortunately, said egg is incomprehensibly expensive. Whatever can a pony do without the capital to make her dreams come true?

Written in conjunction with All of the Above. He does good work and deserves your love. Go give him some love.

Published 2016-10-19 20:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-19 20:00:01 UTC

Eggsellent!

One day Rarity was in an antique shop. Being the fancy pony she was, Rarity wanted to find some knickknacks to spruce up her living space. This of course meant seeking out delicate and incredibly expensive pieces that weren’t even that aesthetically pleasing to the common eye. But fabulous is not cheap! And neither is plastic surgery! So she browsed the dusty old collections of tiny specialty stores scattered across Manehattan. Where else was she supposed to spend a lot of money? Non-profit charitable organizations? Yet, in spite of her eager perusal, fat wallet, and can do attitude, Rarity began to despair in her search for the perfect decor. Jewel-encrusted sofa? Pretty, but too uncomfortable for lounging. Hoof-painted portraits? Classy, but it’s spooky to have pictures of dead ponies on your wall. Nothing felt right from the dozens of pieces Rarity saw. Until she found it.

An egg. Not just any egg, but a really fancy egg. Made from gold, encased in silver frame, carved with arcane characters that probably meant something cool, and positively glowing with prestige. The very sight of it inspired a sense of inferiority in Rarity, as if the egg itself were alive and looking down on her. But if she were to own it, then the power would be all hers. The prestigiousness inherent in that fancy egg could become her prestigiousness. Rarity bolted to the counter, pointing at the egg with trembling hoof, babbling desperately.

“That’ll be ten to the twelfth bits,” said the shopkeeper.

Rarity broke.

“P-pardon me?” she stuttered. “That doesn’t sound like a real number.”

“Sure it is,” grunted the shoop-da-keep. “Just take a ten and add eleven zeros. That’s perfectly real.”

“B-but… how? What? No! There can’t be that much money in Equestria! That’s not even feasible!”

“Our economy isn’t feasible,” said the shopkeeper with a smug ‘I-took-a-college-class-on-this’ kind of grin. “Inflation has gotten out of control. Expensive things get more expensive. Ponies just can’t pay for things anymore because they can’t earn enough bits to keep up with the rising value of goods. Personally, I blame the situation on our government. Yeah, Celestia might be an all-powerful sun demon, but I think her financial policies are kinda lousy. In fact--”

As the shopkeeper’s heresy steadily became too pretentious for even Rarity to care, Rarity gazed hungrily upon the eggy trinket upon the shelf. She breathed slowly, a predator stalking elusive prey. Yet, in her heart of hearts, she knew that it was not meant to be.

Her heart of hearts was promptly sucker-punched by her avaricious impetus. No amount of zeros was going to intimidate her. The egg was far too amazing to be abandoned or forgotten about.

“Now if Luna were in charge, I think we’d see some much-needed change in Equestria,” blabbered the shopkeeper.

“Yes, right, of course,” interrupted Rarity. “What are your hours?”

“Take our current relations with Zafrica, for example. Things aren’t going very well. While Celestia may be trying her best to combat the rise of the rebellion in the west, Luna could actually--”

“Sir!”

“We close at 9, if that’s what you’re wondering. Why?”

“Oh, no reason. What’s your security like? After all, there are some very expensive items in here.”

“Um… It’s pretty good. We have cameras.”

“I see. Well, tata.”

“Goodbye… I guess? Anyway, we need that free healthcare! We can’t keep--”

Rarity left the shop with purpose. She grinned wide with dreaminess in her eyes.

As the clock struck ten, the shopkeeper left without really caring if the shop got robbed or not. In this economy, what difference did it make? As he trotted away, Rarity emerged from the shadows, garbed in a sleek pitch-black jumpsuit. If anypony could see her, they would have remarked that she was drop-dead gorgeous. But adoration would have to wait!

“First, those pesky cameras,” said Rarity with a sneer. Locating the powerbox for the entire building, she delivered an expert kick that killed the power.

“Now how to enter?” Rarity asked herself. “Through the front door? No, even with the power out, that’ll probably trigger an alarm.” She glanced at the rooftop. “Of course!”

Employing parkour ability even she didn’t know that she had, Rarity effortlessly scaled the walls of the shop. On the rooftop, she found a ventilation duct.

“Perfect!” She tore away the grate and jumped inside.

And got stuck.

“Drat!” she grumbled, wriggling and straining to move herself forward. Though the going was slow, Rarity managed to navigate the vents, lighting the way forward by horn. Fortunately, there was a ceiling grate located directly above the prized egg, allowing her look down at it and plan her next move. She carefully magicked the screws out of their screw holes and stowed them in the vent. The grate swung open. With a crazed laugh, she began to draw the egg from off its stand and into the air. Then a pony casually trotted into view and snatched it out of the air.

“What?! No! That’s my egg!” Rarity squeezed herself out of the vents and fell upon the other thief, thrashing and biting. The egg went flying in the chaos.

“I will destroy you!” the other pony threatened.

“I will eat you alive and throw you up until you’re an unrecognizable pile of drivel on the ground!” said Rarity.

“Whoa, ew,” said the other pony, promptly backing the buck off. “Take it, I don’t want it anymore.”

Rarity scooped up the egg, drooling in awe. Suddenly, she turned and hissed at the other thief, then jumped back into the vents. As Rarity made her get away, police sirens sounded all around the building. The other thief shouted obscenities, blaming the cannibalistic pony for making the actual robbery, but was convicted anyway.

And so Rarity pulled off the heist. She was never found out. And that egg made one heck of a decorative trinket from then on.

“And that’s the story of how Rarity got that egg!” concluded Sweetie Belle.

“I think you’re lying,” said Scootaloo.

“I think you’re lying!” retorted Sweetie Belle.