Even if you can't brighten your own
There is no remedy. No cure, to bring me back alive inside. I've kept this a secret from my friends for years. I couldn't even trust my marefriend, Twilight, with it. She was too busy with dealing with all these new princess-y-things, that she never noticed anything.
But right now, I'm not so sure anymore if that was as good as I thought it was...
Twilight stared through her window into the night sky. She'd been sitting here for hours now, but the sky still looked as though she only saw it now. The alicorn sighed heavily.
Why won't you sleep with me...
For whatever unknown reason, the Pegasus always turned down her offer to sleep over. Every single time. And she was also turned down whenever she asked to sleep over in her cloud house.
A single tear rolled down her face as she remembered today's talk about this topic again.
~~~
"Why won't you sleep with me just one time?! We've been together how long now and every time I ask you, you just turn me down!! I miss you at night, Dashie.." The alicorn merely yelled as tears were flowing down her face. "Look at me, I'm an emotional wreck..!!!"
The Pegasus only turned away as she averted her gaze.
"Why won't you look at me? Talk to me.. What's wrong, Dashie.." Twilight was gripped with concern for her marefriend. She had been fearing that Dash didn't feel anything for her anymore. That the Pegasus just waited for the right moment to break up with her.
"I can't tell you.." It was just above a whisper, but it said more than Twilight could ever understand. After saying those words, the Pegasus had left her again. She just flew away..
~~~
Why won't you tell me... Don't you trust me..?
Twilight thought as she continued to stare through the window. She wasn't a fool. Of course she had noticed that Dash was acting weird. She saw that on every photo she had with her or all her friends, that Dash never smiled. She only tried to, but it was obvious that it was not real.
As Twilight was staring outside, she felt weird. Somehow, something just felt.. Odd. Something was telling her that there was something out there. Something important. That she needed to take care of...
Up in the sky floated a castle-like cloud house. From the outside, it appeared almost magical. Like a wonderful dream.
But inside, it felt dead. Like a nightmare that you couldn't escape from.
Rainbow Dash sat on her bed, staring outside while tears fell down. Her pet tortoise sat before the bed, staring worriedly at his devastated owner.
"I blew it, Tank.. I totally blew it.." She said, her voice cracking. The broken Pegasus grabbed a piece of paper and a quill, writing her final words.
She sighed. "I guess.. this is it, then..." Dash closed her eyes and got up, walking out of her bedroom.
Tank knew very well what she was talking about. He had always listened. Every time. Every day. He never left her alone with her thoughts. And that was not because he would have been too slow to leave.
Rainbow Dash had locked herself in the bathroom. When Tank heard the locking close shut, his heart sank and he started to panic. Luckily for him, his owner was pretty forgetful and he was still strapped into his flight-harness.
Inside the bathroom, Dash prepared for the end. She had lots of painkiller pills, alcoholic cider, and of course her blade. She found herself staring into the mirror. Tears fell down as she saw her reflection for one last time.
Swallowing hard, she found herself looking down at her scarred arms. Her thick Pegasus fur made it hard to notice them. That had made it so easy to hide them. She may have not wanted anyone to see those self inflicted cuts, but she thought that she deserved them. Every single one of them.
Taking a deep breath, she thought to herself
I'm ready.
Twilight was still staring into the night sky. This weird feeling inside her only grew stronger, and she found herself unable to stop. She saw the same thing for mere hours.
Until suddenly something came into view.
Not just into view, it came directly towards her.
And not just something, it was Tank!
Wasting no time, Twilight opened the window. She thought that this might be a sign. All those stories about getting your prayers answered. She never believed in such a thing.
"Tank, what are you doing here?" She asked in surprise. It was very odd that Dash's pet was not with her. At this hour nonetheless.
Tank made it obvious that he wanted the alicorn to follow him. Wasting no time she took to the air and they flew back to Dash's house.
The first thing Twilight noticed was that the front door was opened. She figured that Tank must have busted it open. Which means that Dash didn't close it. Within mere seconds, a cold pit had formed inside of Twilight.
"Rainbow Dash!!!" She called as she went inside. The entire house was dark, and for a moment she wondered if Dash was even here. But then again, why would Tank bring her here if it was for no reason?
Twilight began wandering inside the house. The door to the bedroom was opened and it was the only room that had a lit candle. Thanks to the light, Twilight noticed something on the bed. It looked like a note.
Twilight levitated it into the air before her and began reading...
"Dear Friends,
you probably haven't noticed, but I've not been myself. For years, in fact. I want you guys to know that none of this was your fault. This was my own, final decision..."
As Twilight was reading, she noticed pretty fast that this was not a normal note.
It was a suicide note.
She skipped to the bottom.
"...I want to be remembered as the mare who always smiled, the one who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own.
Rainbow Dash"
Twilight had tears streaming down her face. She stormed out of the room and noticed Tank scratching on a door. A locked bathroom door.
Her horn glowed and she opened the door, revealing the cyan Pegasus laying on the floor. Her fore legs were bleeding and pills were scattered around her. Lastly the cider was spilled over the floor.
"Rainbow!!! No!!!!" Twilight cried as she ran to her marefriend. She quickly checked for pulse and breathing. Fortunately for her, Dash was still alive, if barely.
Twilight quickly wrapped her into a hug and teleported them to the Ponyville hospital.
In the early morning, Twilight had Spike call everyone of their friends to the hospital. The doctors said that Rainbow Dash would survive. Now she was waiting for her to wake up.
Soon enough her friends, and Spike, joined the alicorn in the waiting room.
"Twilight! What happened? Is Dash alright?" Applejack was the first one to ask.
Twilight almost started to cry again.
"No, Applejack. Dash is not alright. And she hasn't been for a long time.." The first tears appeared as she sniffled. She opened her wing which held the suicide note and levitated it towards her friends.
"If Tank hadn't come to get me in time, there would be no Rainbow Dash anymore.." Twilight added and cried silently. Her friends were reading the note.
Dear Friends,
you probably haven't noticed, but I've not been myself. For years, in fact. I want you guys to know that none of this was your fault. This was my own, final decision. If you still care about me, you'll find me in the bathroom. But it will be too late.
I love you guys. All of you. But I can't do this any longer. It's all just like a movie. You sit there and watch it happen. But none of it is real.
All I want for you guys is to be happy. That always made me feel better. When I made you smile, I felt like I was actually useful.
I want to be remembered as the mare who always smiled, the one who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own.
Rainbow Dash
Her friends all cried and they built a group hug as they cried together...
A nurse came into the waiting room.
"Rainbow Dash is awake."
Rainbow Dash laid in the hospital bed. Through cables, she was connected to a lot of monitors. Her front legs were both bandaged up.
I'm.. still alive?
The door to her room opened and a crying alicorn entered the room. The rest of her friends, and Spike, we're waiting outside and watched through the glasses. They all smiled at her, being grateful that she was still alive..
"Hey Rainbow." Twilight said as she approached her. Dash only bit her lip. She didn't know what to say, what to do..
In the end she didn't have to, as Twilight hugged her tightly, yet carefully.
"We are so glad that you're still with us, Rainbow Dash." Applejack said from outside.
"We all love you sooooooo much!" Pinkie added.
"Especially me." Twilight gave the broken Pegasus a soft kiss on the cheek. Dash couldn't help but blush at the affection in front of her friends.
Her friends only 'aaaawwwed' at the two.
Twilight visited Rainbow Dash every day in the hospital. Of course they started talking about the certain things, but they agreed to explain everything when Dash and all her friends were together.
About a week later, Dash was released from the hospital. It was nice to be outside again, but the hard part was still ahead of her. She still had a lot to explain to her friends...
Dash had gotten some things from her home (with Twilight, since she wasn't going to let the Pegasus be alone anymore) and had a meeting with all her friends in the Friendship Castle.
"Okey.. so.." Dash stopped and gulped. This was going to be hard. "I-I have been.. sick.. since I was a filly. With all this bullying in flight school and.. my parents.. I..."
Twilight placed a hoof on the Pegasus' shoulder. Dash shook her head and decided to skip to the next part.
"I'm on meds.." She said and placed a bottle with pills on the table. Labeled on it were the letters SSRI.
Twilight knew what they were. "Anti depressants.." She whispered, loud enough for her friends to hear.
Dash only nodded. "I was diagnosed with c-clinical d-depression.."
Everyone gasped in shock.
"..but not even the meds can really help..."
When something dripped onto her hoof, Dash noticed that she was crying. She turned to her marefriend next to her.
"Twi, I'm sorry. I never wanted to stay over for the night because.. Because I.. I always..." She sighed. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "The thoughts.. they always come at night.. I.. I didn't want you to see me cry for no reason.. I didn't wanna have to explain.. I just.." She sniffed. "I'm so sorry..."
Twilight never answered. She only hugged her marefriend as her own tears were flowing down her face.
"No Dash. I'm sorry. I never noticed how much you needed me.. how depressed you were.. are..."
"We are all sorry.." Rarity added. Dash was in for another group hug.
The doctors told Dash that she could never be cured. But at least she still had her friends. She was loved and cared about. They would always lift her back up when she was falling down.
I might never be cured. But maybe that isn't as bad as it sounds. I'm used to it, I guess. I might never be happy, or feel emotions at all. But I'm okay with that. As long as I'm remembered as the mare who always smiled, the one who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own.
-Rainbow Dash
Author's Note
I never thought I would write a sequel to Welcome to my life. But, here we are.
I wrote this story after I was close to attempting suicide again, Monday night...
My friends kept me from doing so. They kept begging me until I decided to stay, again.. I still don't know what I'm living for, exactly.
But well.. I'm here.. yay..? 
