God Damned Roomates

by Dontavious

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 1068

Not everybody has a perfect standable lifestyle, I for one, don't. Having to live with a supernatural entity doesn't seem much fun as one would think.

Sure, being with a chaotic being may have it's perks, but it's very limited. This all started when I was arriving home from work when I happened to hit something with my car. I for one thought I hit a dear, hence my location, but it wasn't what I thought. With that, my luck had slowly came to an end on that day.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2017-02-22 03:19:31 UTC

"Why hello there."

I suddenly step on the brakes, my car coming to a screeching stop. "The fuck was that!" I turn my head around, trying to see what I just hit with my car, but I couldn't see anything in the darkness. Turning the car around, the head lights shine on the spot where I hit a dear, I think, but see nothing. "W-what.....where's.....?" I step out of my car, looking around more closely.

"Aaaaaaaagh!" A voice suddenly came out from the darkness, bringing chills down my spine that I must've hit another person.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, where are you?" I ask worriedly, in fear that I could've actually made someone paralyzed and I might get sued for it.

I don't get a response in words but more groaning, not being a good substitute for finding someone. "Where are you at?" I ask again, a bit louder this time so they could hear me better.

"Over here, you ass." The voice called out again, leading me to where they were, which was in the ditch on the side of the road.

What greeted me was not something I expected when I leaned my head over the edge. A pair of yellow and red eyes stared back into mine, much anger and discomfort portrayed with in them.

"Why hello there, are you just going to stand there or help me?" She asked, not really in the mood for a staring contest.

I quickly jump down into the ditch next to the person who I just hit with my car, shaking almost heavily for knowing that I did. Throwing their arm over my shoulder, I hoisted them up, and climbed out of the ditch.

"I'm really, really sorry, ma'am." I repeatedly said over and over like a broken record.

"Just shut up and improve, jackass." She said, in which I shut up immediately afterwards, opening the back door of the car and set her inside the car.

"I'll....I'll drive you to the hospital." I said quickly, getting into the driver seat of the car, taking off.

Right when I said that, she sat up and looked at me from the back seat. "Whoa whoa whoooooooaaa."

Looking back in the rear view mirror, I say the same red and yellow eyes stare back, giving me a few chills down my spine again. "W-what?" I asked nervously, wondering what she meant.

"As Queen of Chaos, you will not take me to any hospital." She had demanded, thus confusing the fuck out of me.

"What? 'Queen of Chaos'? Are you serious?" I asked questioning, slowing the car down a bit.

With no waste of time, the girl who was just now sitting in the back seat of my car teleported to the front seat all with a snap of her fingers. I just stared in awe and fear.

"OI, pay attention to the road!" She yelled, my attention then focusing onto the road, swerving back into my lane, almost hitting another car.

"If I may ask...." I ask, keeping my attention on the road, "What's wrong with hospitals?"

"To many bossy people, just......always saying what to do and what not to do. Like rules, I don't like rules."

I remain silent, totally confused about this person sitting in my car. "What is with this person?"  I ask myself, just driving while she fiddling around with the buttons in my car, noticing how she can't stay still.

"Well, now that aside, I'm Eris, the Queen of Chaos, and your name is?" Eris speaks up again, wanting a conversation.

"I'm....my name is Andrew...." I reply, still making sure to obey the rules of the road, nearing my house.

"Well it's nice to meet you Andrew, even though you hit me with this car." Eris stated dryly, making me flinch, and grip the steering wheel tighter.

"I said I was sorry..." I replied weakly, feeling bad about it.

"But do not worry, I have an idea" Eris props her legs up onto the dashboard, holding out her hands and forming a triangle like she was focusing on something in the distance with one eye closed.

"What's that?" I questioningly asked, the curiosity getting to me greatly as I looked over at Eris.

"You shall pay for your misdeeds by making it up to me, by me becoming the annoying thorn in your side, for the rest of your life." In a wicked tone, she laughed with a almost insane grin on her face while she stared at me, those red and yellow eye's trying to pierce my soul as it seemed to be.

My eyes shrink entirely, sweat starting to form on my forehead after hearing this. "Is there....something else...I could do?"

"Nope." Eris answered me immediately, her words cutting through my mind like it was nothing. "Ooooh, is this your house?" She suddenly bursts out with excitement, not even waiting for the car to stop when she teleported out as I turned into my drive way.

I suddenly was dragged along by some unkown force once I got out of my car to my home, hearing gasps from Eris, along with complaints.

"You live....in such a small house, I get that I'll be a pain for you, but in such a small house will be over doing it. Man, actually thinking about it, you're probably already scrapping up what you can to get by." She stated, not even toning down on the bluntness of her words.

"Yes yes, very good observation Cpt. Obvious, what are you gonna do about it?" I ruggedly, already somewhat pissed that I have yet another roommate to live with.

Noises could be heard from the kitchen, the cluttering of plates.

"Nice to see that you're doing some dishes, finally." I holler from the front room, walking into the living room that's connected to the kitchen, sitting on the couch.

"Yeah yeah, screw you too, Andrew." The voice replied, just giving off a chuckle as I heard that.

"Well I have bad news, we have a new roommate, Kelly." I call back, pointing a finger at the new intrusion in my life.

"Why hello there." Eris waves to Kelly as he walks in with a bowl of mac n cheese, suddenly dropping it on the carpet.

I look at the new mess, then at Kelly, then to Eris, repeating this multiple times, waiting for the insanity to begin.