The F.O.A.L.S

by TheDankestBlankFlank

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 2116

Three colts with problems who solve problems in a village of problems...not too problematic, right?

[Set in Season Two. Because screw you, best season!]

Ponyville, although a town of peace and friendship, has been having a string of issues lately. Issues friendship or magic can't exactly solve, even when together. So, what do you do when you have a community who has this sort of trouble? Form a group and try to solve these troubles, of course!

…

Too bad nopony specified on who should solve these problems. And sometimes, those who work against trouble have a hard time staying out of it.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-25 23:21:51 UTC

Prologue One: Little Colt Made Of Rage

Razzle Dazzle DID NOT have an anger problem. His mother had said so, but he had told her it wasn’t true. His friends had said so, but he had told them it wasn’t true. His teacher had said so, but he had told him it wasn’t true. Even the schoolyard bully had said so, yet he had told her it wasn’t true. Razzle Dazzle is not an angry pony…

SLAM!

Now, a pony of extreme irritation? That, no doubt, he was.

“How many times do I have to tell you…” He started off low, slowly raising his head to reveal the red-mark that was now below his horn from having hit his head on the table so hard. “That it is NOT. THE SAME!” He shrieked, waving his hooves like a mad-stallion. In front of him, two colts gave him an unsure look and gave the flier in their hooves an unsure look as well. Two colts who were known for being the most irritating of the quaint little village known as ponyville...

“Wait, Wait, Wait. Let me get this straight.” Snips said, his squeaky voice and attempt at trying to decode Razzle’s explanation again causing the white-coated unicorn to groan loudly, throwing his face into his hooves. “You’re telling me this organization of yours ISN’T like the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”

Razzle slowly slid his hooves down and gave the ceiling a pure look of annoyance before sighing and looking back at Snips and Snails. He hated these two. He hated these two more than Rainbow Dash, he hated these two more than Diamond Tiara, and he swore to Faust herself, he hated these two more than Princess Celestia! He’d admit, half of the community didn’t exactly view him in a positive light, and the feelings were mutual, but if they could just see the PURE IDIOCY he had to deal with, they’d know why.

“Yes, Snips.” Razzle said. “Like I’ve said for the past Twenty. Bucking. Times.” Each word was met with a pound on the table. “This isn’t like the Cutie Mark Crusaders. This is WAY different from the Cutie Mark Crusaders. In no way, shape, or form does this organization have ANYTHING to do with cutie marks and capes!” He explained slowly, knowing the foals would need it. He sighed loudly as he watched Snails raise his hoof. Son of a bi-”Yes, Snails?”

“Is this a club?”

“ORGANIZATION!” Razzle quickly interjected, causing the patrons of Sugarcube Corner to give the table occupied by the three foals a look. “It’s an Organization.”

“Yeaaaaah.” Snips said slowly, giving his brother a look that showed he wasn’t convinced, before pointing at the flier again. “It’s just that a whole clu-” He watched Razzle shake in irritation. “Organization that helps the ponies in Ponyville kinda sounds like a Cutie Mark Crusader thing.”

“This isn’t about the cutie marks, though.” Razzle said, giving Snips a death glare. “It’s about helping ponies with problems that they can’t solve themselves! The CMC only aim for cutie marks! We aim for the ACTUAL problems.

“But isn’t their thing helping ponies too?”

“I JUST BUCKING TOLD YOU THE DIFFERENCE!” Razzle stressed. “They don’t even help other ponies look for theirs! They just help those in the group!” He exclaimed, not realizing just how invalid this statement would seem as time went on and certain events arises.

“And isn’t it kinda weird how you have three members and they have three members?” Snails inquired slowly, causing Razzle to wince.

“That’s because...no one else is joining at the moment…” Razzle coughed.

“And to add on to what Snails said, you guys have a unicorn, a pegasus, and an earth pony. And so does the CMC. Soooo…” Snips trailed off. Razzle closed his eyes and breathed in. And then breathed out.

"Look-"

"Yeah, and aren't the elements of harmony here to help us with our problems now?" Snips.

"That's FRIENDSHIP pro-"

"Then what about Mayor Mare?" Snails.

"She can barely run Ponyville as it is no-"

"And why is it called Foals? Why does it even stand for?" Snips.

"Force of adorable little sleu-"

"Wait, why is adorable in the name? Kinda sounds weird." Snips again. Hooray.

"The title was Polly's-"

"And don't you think-?"

"SHUT THE BUCK UP!"

The whole chatter of Sugarcube corner stopped and everyone turned to see Razzle had thrown the cups of apple juice aside, hooves on the table as he leaned forward and growled at the two shivering colts. Finally, he leaned back and sighed loudly, face-hoofing

“Look, did you two come here to rapidly deplete my brain cells, or did you two come here to ask to join?” He said, watching as the two looked at each other. To be honest, Razzle had expected them to do both.

“Uhm...w-we actually don’t want to join.” Snips said, chuckling nervously. Razzle’s eyes widened and his jaw went agape. The whole table was thrown into silence as the colt just stared at them, the two colts staring back at him with confusion.

“We just came because the flier said we’d get free food during the interview.” Snails had added with a dopey smile. Silence again. They watched as Razzle began to shake and sweat. “...Razzle? Are you OK?” A vein visibly throbbed on the colt’s forehead. “Uuuh….” His eyes were now rapidly twitching. Still confused, and a little scared, Snails leaned next to his brother. “Snips. What do I do? He’s not answering.”

“Don’t worry, buddy.” Snips whispered back. “I got this.” Clearing his throat and straightening his back, he gave Razzle a sly businessman look. “Since we answered your questions, I guess that means we still get the food right? ...Right?”

The sound of a chair scooting back was heard.

“Wh-Why are you getting up?”

Five minutes later

“AND DON’T COME BACK!”

Razzle was soon thrown snout first into the ground outside Sugarcube Corner. Shaking his head, he glared at Ms.Cake, Nurse Redheart right next to her as the two mares glared back. Hearing the groans of two particular ponies who had cupcakes punched into their eye and horse shoe-print shaped bruises on their bodies, the two mares snorted and harrumphed at the colt before turning away and slamming the door. Growling, Razzle sighed and ran a hoof through his red and black spiky mane, giving the crumpled up F.O.A.L.S flier in front of him a frown.

“I hope Bolt and Polly are doing better.” Razzle grumbled, picking up the note and slowly trotting away from the establishment. As he trotted, a familiar colt with a brown coat galloped in front of him.

“Hey, Razzle!” Button mash said excitedly, waving the flier in button’s face. “I saw your flier! Man, today is getting so weird! First I can’t find my console and now the CMC got their name cha-”

Five more minute later

Razzle soon walked away from the twitching form on the ground, the black eye the gamer sported most likely being the cause of the soon-to-be wrath of his mother Razzle would have to face. Razzle smiled, knowing it was all worth it in the end.

Prologue Two: Elephants never forget, but Ponies sure do.

Bolt Cumulus was NOT forgetful.

Sure, there was that time he fell asleep when there was a piece of toast in the oven, but he liked his toast black and juice-like. And sure, there were a few times when he did his math homework the day it was due, but that was just because sleep was more important! And okay, there was that time Razzle yelled at him for not doing his part of that one project all three of them did together, but that was because Razzle was working him to the bone! He wanted poor Bolt to water the plant! Did he not realize how much effort that took? No, Bolt was not forgetful…

“...Huh. This is weird.”

So, why was there a piece of string wrapped around his hoof?

Narrowing his baggy red eyes, he leaned in closer to the string in question, giving it a look over. He didn’t remember deciding to try a new fashion statement. Maybe this was another one of his attempts to try and get the TV remote without having to get up from the couch? Bolt hummed at this thought, but quickly shook his head. No. He learned his lesson from last time when he glued it to his hoof. It worked for awhile...until he had it stuck on there for so long that he enlisted his friends’ help to get it off, which involved a frustrated Razzle trying to pry it off with a crowbar after a dozen failed attempts. After that, Razzle fell into one of his temper tantrums (again), yet accidentally fired of a bolt of magic that bounced of a mirror and hit him in the process, which involved both of them going to the hospital not only to get a certain remote removed from a Certain Pegasus, but to get a certain Unicorn some bandages and his anger management classes.

After a couple more seconds of examination, he finally shrugged and unwrapped the pesky little thing before laying back into his bed, pulling the covers over his yellow-coat with a yawn. Man. All that thinking made him tired. He guessed he could take his afternoon nap today. And so, he closed his eyes, ready to drift to the land of dreams…

Only to grunt and turn in his sleep. DANG IT! Sleeping was usually very, very easy for him! So, why couldn’t he sleep now? He opened his eyes and sat up, scratching his short yellow bedhead mane. Hrmm...Oh! Maybe taking a nice walk outside would help! And so, jumping down his bed with a smile, he stepped outside...his room, trotting around the house several times. He frowned. Dang it! He still couldn’t remember why that string was there! Sighing, he went to the living room and flopped on the couch. Think, Bolt, Think...Oh, Yeah!

Smiling again, he flipped himself upside down. All the blood rushing to his head might get his memory going! Bolt stayed like this. Two minutes. No change. Four minutes. His head was starting to hurt a little. Eight minutes. He was getting dizzy. Ten minutes...this wasn't working. He flopped off the couch and scrambled up to his hooves, stumbling around dazed and slightly sick. After a few moments, he shook his head and groaned. WHAT WAS HE FORGETTING?! This was going to bother him all day.

Beep.

It had to be something important, that was for sure.

Beep. Beep.

Something that needed extra attention.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Something that...wait. What was that smell?

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

Bolt’s lidded eyes went wide at the smoke detector. Wait...that smelled like...BURNING VEGGIE LOAF! Bolt gasped and quickly galloped to the kitchen, skidding to a stop at the smoke that was rising from the oven. Right. His mom had wanted him to take it out while she went on an errand...In his defense, it was kinda her fault for not getting those errands done BEFORE cooking. Bolt quickly opened the oven and jumped back at the sudden fire that jumped at him. “WHOA!” Bolt cried, watching the poor loaf engulfed in the fire slowly turn black. He should PROBABLY get a fire extinguisher...he backed away slowly before galloping out the kitchen, coming back, extinguisher in hooves. Looking at the fire, he tilted his head. Wait...how would he use this? Oh, yeah! There’s instructions on the back!

Turning it over, he squinted his eyes at the words on the back. Let's see...Step one...press-Bolt rolled his eyes and pointed the extinguisher at the fire. Whatever. He was just gonna press on the nozzle thingie and see what happens. Doing exactly that, his eyes widened in surprise when it had actually worked, spraying the substance at the now dimming fire. Huh. After a few moments, the fire was finally out, give or take the black smoke everywhere. Trotting up to the stove, he coughed a bit into his hoof before looking at the ashes that was once a Veggie Loaf...he groaned and rubbed his head. DANG IT! Why did he still feel as if he was forgetting something?

Bolt sighed and turned to the counter, eyes narrowing at the stack of charred papers…

He was supposed to pass around those F.O.A.L.S Fliers…

He face-hoofed. Razzle was gonna strangle him. Like, no joke, he actually was going to try. “I hope Polly is doing a better job.” Bolt slurred, trotting out to the kitchen. He had a few spares in his dresser anyway. He’d pass those around…

Right after another afternoon nap.