The Drake of Blades Meets Discord

by The Dark Soul

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Discord, Crossover, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Comedy
Length: 2856

Welp, now she has done it. She has become Akatosh's personal servant. Now she has to spend eternity guarding a brazier. Perfect time for a Spirit of Chaos to annoy her.

While a civil war and a demonic invasion plagues the surface, the Drake of Blades (a former Akaviri Dragonguard) becomes the new Sublime Protector with the help of the Vestige. A job that will last her eternity, which also means an eternity of boredom.

Even worse: She didn't bring a book.

Sitting alone in the Dragonfire Cathedral, a certain Spirit of Chaos decides to pay a visit.

EDIT 7/6/2017: Forgot to mark this one-shot as Complete before publishing. It has been rectified.
(An The Elder Scrolls Online: Tamriel Unlimited - Imperial City DLC and MLP Crossover)
(This story does contain spoilers for the Imperial City Questline. You have been warned.)

Published 2017-07-05 19:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-07-05 19:50:06 UTC

The Drake of Blades Meets Discord

Author's Note

Minor Spoilers ahead for The Elder Scrolls Online - Tamriel Unlimited Imperial City DLC.

The Drake of Blades Meets Discord

The Drake of Blades Meets Discord

*PUM*

She looked up as the dust fell upon her. The falling dust was probably a result of a large Daedroth or Harvester falling. Or possibly the siege equipment in the Elven Gardens District. Either way, it didn't do good for her hair. But, then again. The Brazier was her responsibility now. For eternity. Coupled with the fact she was a warrior and a soldier, she would never had time to worry about the state of cleanliness for her hair....

Doesn't mean, however, that she never had time to put it into a bun.

She groaned in response to next wave of dust falling upon her. This groan turned into a cough, then a rub of the eyes. Then it turned to thoughts of placing the heads of those responsible on spikes as she had done with Worm Cultists for fun... and to send a message. In this case, however, it would be just for fun. Which was severely lacking in this new role of hers. Around her, stone and marble pillars. Tiles decorate the floor around the Brazier, while the brazier itself is shining with its usual pillar of divine light. There was a faint stench of death and blood, possibly from the decayed skeletons of the old Imperial Guard, or possibly left over when the Dremoras that stormed the underground facility got vaporized by Akatosh's divine light. How that worked, however, was beyond her understanding.

Time passed slowly in this underground tomb. She would pace back and forth, or use her sword to carve things in the walls. Sometimes, however, she would just sit up against the wall and cross her arms over her knees and just fall asleep. Into a blissful state of...something. As the Sublime Protector, she was gifted with a sight. A special sight. It would allow her to see things no ordinary mortal, not man, mer nor beast, could see. She could see spirits. She could see her ancestors.

She could even see Akatosh himself.

But, she was alone. These visions had left her alone for hours. She does not know where they went, but they had left her. She had no one to talk to.

Also, this sight granted her the ability to never have nightmares and only have good dreams....yeah. But in this tomb, the inability to go anywhere. The inability to talk to anyone. The inability to even have a relationship with a kind and tall Nord... her good dreams were forfeit.

*PUM*

"I swear, i'm going to decapitate whoever is doing that." She mumbled into her knee. And she meant it.

"Oh dear now. That's not so nice, is it?" She heard. She immediately sprang into action, drawing her blade, infused with the divine power of Akatosh himself, and took a defensive stance, looking around. "I mean, decapitation is soooo brutal and boooooring. And it truly shows hate. Why don't you go for something more interesting? Like reversing their torso! Then, they would have a front butt! Also, they still get to live. Which is nice, I guess." This voice said with unusual giddiness.

The Drake scanned the Brazier room. Not a soul in sight. No spirit either.

"Hello?" She called out. No answer... "Whoever you are, show yourself!" She demanded.

"Promise me you wont decapitate me?" The voice asked.. "Oh very well." She heard. And before her eyes, a figure appeared out of thin air. Slowly, the figure appeared, head to toe. When the figure was in full sight, she readied herself. The divine light of Akatosh enveloping her as she glared down the Daedric entity.

What appeared before her was a creature of unknown background. It appeared similiar to a harvester in shape, but it had the body parts of a ton of other animals. A goats horn, a horse-like head... its limbs, its legs, were a combo of a lizard, an eagle, a goat, and a lion. It had wings, but too small for a creature as big as it to allow for flight. Like a cliff strider. It had a tail, scaly, like a snakes tail. Its eyes caught her attention the most, however. The pupils were different sizes, one was big, the other small. And they were on her. She felt a little uneasy, having the attention on her. But she knew her duty.

"In the name of Father Akatosh, I demand you leave this holy site you Daedric filth!" She demanded, holding her sword in both hands and readying in a battle stance. She wasn't known as the Drake of Blades for nothing. The entity, however, smiled. "If you do not leave, then I will be forced to use... errr.. force!" She continued. She was still relatively new to this job.

"Oh how quaint, you know how to make yourself glowy..." The figure said, putting its hands together in a "awww how cute" action. "But..." He said, snapping his fingers. He was quickly enveloped in a ball of smoke. When it cleared, it was wearing a wig and lipstick. He had a hand on his hips.

"But you don't look intimidating, honey.." He said, his voice changing to faux feminine.

"What the..."

*POOF*

Back to normal, he was.

"What are you?!" She asked, stepping away from the weird demonic creature.

"Me? Well, what kind of question is that?" He asked. "Why, I am Discord! Blah blah blah of Chaos... Uhh, recently reformed." He said, adding that last bit in with a little bit of a pause.

"Recently reformed? What-what does that even mean?" She asked.

"It means what it means."

"And what does it mean?"

"Its means....what it means."

The Drake of Blades looked at him for a second, questions rattling in her skull. Was this creature a demonic being, or was it Sheogorath in another form. The creature was too... joy-loving to actually be a true daedra, unless it was Sheogorath. The chaos loving madgod. In fact, in her studies, this creature looked nothing like any daedra ever recorded...Too friendly for it too. Definitely not Sanguine either as he is not holding a mug of beer.

"Whats your feeling on cheese?" She asked.

"Cheese? Why would you ask a question like that? It makes no sense... Can we get back to the front-butt conversation now, because I got some new ideas. Unless, of course you wish to talk about something else that isn't..." He snapped his fingers again, this time appearing with a painting in his hands. This painting resembled a man, hands on ears, screaming. Discords head popped through it, his face a dull grey. "Boring."

The Drake of Blades lowered her blade. The bright orange aura quickly clearing away. She sighed, coming to the realization that this entity was not Daedric in origin, but had to be Aedric. Otherwise, there would be nothing to explain it. She returned to her wall, leaning against it, her sword falling to the ground. She put her palm to her forehead and sighed.

"What are you?" She asked breathlessly and without effort. "If your here just to annoy me, then please leave. I have an eternity of boredom ahead of me and I'd rather not be insane for the whole of it."

"Whats the matter?" He said, the portrait falling to the ground. "You look like you need someone to talk to. And i'm the only one here. Talk to me!" He said.

"No offense, but I've only known you for about a couple minutes. Your either a crazy Aedric spirit, or you just a crazy magic creature. Either way, I don't want to associate myself with you." She said, keeping her eyes closed. Her head now buried in her knees.

"I don't know what this Daedric or Aedric stuff is... but... it sounds weirder than you look, my dear."

"Just, leave. Please. If your not Daedric then my holy light wont work on you so please. Just leave." She said, sliding down onto the ground.

"Very well, you seemed lonely. But if you must insist, I will depart. Have a grand eternity miss...?" He asked, turned away.

"Just call me the Drake of Blades." She replied, looking up. "And what makes you think i'm lonely?" She replied, her feisty mentality surfacing. Discord, on the other hand, let loose a grin. When he turned around, however, it was gone. Replaced with a frown.

"Well, my Drakey-poo. Its only so obvious." He said with a faux sad voice. Snapping his fingers, he appeared at her side, mimicking her stance. "Your here, all alone! No one in sight! Your only company in the mortal realm being the few worms that work their way through the stone!" He uttered, his voice echoed through the room. The Drake looked over and saw some worms sliding across the floor.

"Eugh." She grunted.

She turned her head to face the spirit, only to jump backwards in surprise as she directly meets face to face with him. He cackles in response, much to her chagrin.

"And then, your eyes! I've seen it before, I have. I certainly have... You can see another world, can't you? A world imperceptible to mere mortals?" He asked. The Drake furrowed her brow and reached for her blade, but thought against it. If holy magic would not work against this thing, then what hope did a mere blade have? But a question did pop into her mind.

"How... how did you know that?" She asked a careful voice. Discord was eager to answer.

"Why, I am a spirit, my dear! A chaotic spirit with a penchant for tea!" He exclaimed. Stretching his arms outwards in glee, as if he was a heroic god. "You, uh, wouldn't happen to have any tea on you, do you?" He asked. "Bah, no matter!" He said, snapping his fingers. In a burst of smoke, two wooden chairs appeared from thin air. In between was a table, exquisite design. On top of it was a silver tea kettle, silver tea cups. And a sweat aroma emanated from it. Discord took a seat.

"Sit, darling, sit! Its Fluttershy's personal recipe!" He asked. "Dragonfire lily! I know, I know. Buts its actually quiet sweet. Perfect for those looking for a little calmness."

"Uhh, who is Fluttershy? And what in Oblivion is a Dragonfire lily?" She asked. "Moreover, why should I sit with you? I thought I told you to beat it." She continued, stomping her foot like a twelve year old.

"Do you have anything better to do?" He asked, gesturing around. "I certainly don't."

The Drake of Blades looked around, and saw nothing that she could do. Its not like she brought a book, nor is there anyone to talk with. To her, the spirit doesn't seem inherently evil, but certainly is annoying. Although it is her duty to defend the brazier against all who intrude, this thing doesn't seem interested in the brazier.

"Answer me one question spirit... Where did you come from?" She asked.

"Oh, nowhere in particular. I was just hopping dimensions, looking for a place away from it all. A sort of summer home, I guess you could say... I saw, in the rip of time and space and all that hoojingle, you. You were lonely, and maybe it'll do for karma to interact with you for a bit. But if you feel so strongly I can leave..." He said, looking around. "This place isn't exactly a good looking place to settle in.."

He leaned in close.

"Quiet honestly I don't understand how you can spend an eternity here, its soooooo boring."

The Drake looked at the tea, then at the brazier. Her boredom is surpassing her distrust of the spirit. But she remembers firmly her immortality. This spirit wont be able to best her. With that in mind, she sighed and took a seat opposite to the spirit. Slowly, she took a cup. And Discord took the kettle, pouring the tea for her to enjoy. She was cautious. Watching as he poured it, and carefully sniffing it. It smelled like tea.

"Why the discomfort?" Discord asked. She deadpanned. "Oh, right..."

Carefully, she sipped the tea. It did not taste like poison. But did taste like sweet nectar... She quiet liked the taste actually, and began to take larger sips in earnest. The tea cup was empty before Discord could snap his fingers for another full kettle. Despite her distrust, he had good tea.

She did not allow a smile to cross her lips, however.

Another rumble came from the roof, causing more dust to fall downwards. Discord broke into a exaggerated coughing fit before looking upwards. Confused.

"Now whats going on up there?" He asked, raising a brow and looking towards the Drake. She sighed.

"The end of the world."

"Sounds lovely." Discord remarked, but that earned a disdained look from the Drake. She did not approve of his choice of words there. But Discord cared little.

As they drank, the sounds of war continued. The spirit, try as he might, could not start a conversation with the Drake. She simply chose to remain quiet. While she did enjoy the tea, and with a small thought, enjoyed Discords company. It felt good to her to be in the presence of something that isn't a worm nor a Daedra. But she would neither show it, nor admit it. Eventually Discord got annoyed with whats happening topside. A never ending ruckus that constantly got dust in his tea. Eventually, he had enough.

With a quick sigh, he snapped his fingers. And before them a man clad in Breton-style armor appeared before them. He had a claymore raised above his head.

"Ill have your head, you filthy Nord!" He yelled, swinging down. But he quickly recovered before looking to Discord. One could only imagine what was going on behind the helmet.

"Would you kindly knock it off up there? I am trying to enjoy my tea with my good friend, Drakey-poo." He asked, gesturing towards the Drake. She looked slightly flustered.

"Please stop calling me that." She asked.

The Breton, however, was unamused. He steadied his claymore.

"Fall before me, Daedra-scum!" He yelled, swinging at Discord. But the blade ricocheted off of his tough skin. It bent backwards, and both the Drake and the Breton looked at it, shocked.

"Now that wasn't very nice!" Discord remarked.

"Send him back, please." The Drake asked. And so he obliged, leaving the Breton with: "Now you go back up there and tell them to knock it off!"

With the snap of his fingers, the Breton departed in a ball of smoke. Discord took his seat and refilled his cup. Remarking on how ugly his outfit was. After a second or two the Drake piped up.

"Uh.... how.... how did you summon him here?"

"What do you mean, my dear?" He replied.

"That Breton... how? How did you summon him?" She repeated.

"Oh, simple! I just summoned some random thing that was above us at the moment. If you want, I shall bring him back!" He said. He grinned with giddy as a thought crossed his mind. " Oooh, perhaps you two can get together! Then you can both be lonely together!"

"No, no! Do not bring him back-"

*POOF*

What spilled onto the floor was blood. The Breton was back, but this time dead. He lay flat on his back, his stomach ripped open. His armor completely rendered useless by whatever had attacked him. His blood flowed freely, his intestines nonexistent. The Drake sighed.

"Oh, well.. that puts a damper on things, now doesn't it?" Discord remarked. "Uhh, lets just get rid of him, shall we?" He said, snapping his fingers. The body was gone, but the blood remained. He looked over to the Drake, who did not look amused. Sighing, he snapped his fingers. And the table, chairs, tea set, all poofed away. The Drake fell on her ass, letting out an annoyed groan as she landed.

"Perhaps I've overstayed my welcome..." He remarked silently. "Perhaps..."

"Yeah, perhaps.." The Drake said. "Please leave."

"Well, enjoy your eternity Drakey-poo.." He said. "Do you want me to visit sometime?" He asked.

"No! No! Just please, leave!" She said quickly. She had no patience left for this creature, and she still did not fully trust it. His leaving would calm her, and leave her slightly more at ease. His capability to be annoying outweighs the feel-good of having company.

"Ok, well... Again. Enjoy your eternity."

"Yeah, thanks." She muttered as Discord poofed out of existence. And there she was, all alone once more. An eternity of nothing awaits her... Relief soared through her body and mind when she looked around. Only the blood indicated his visit.

But it will be as if it never happened. Who knows, maybe it was a dream? Or perhaps it was real.

"I should've brought a damn book..." She remarked, her hands on her hips as she glanced around. "I should've brought a damn book..."