I am going to see Shining so I can say goodbye. I never got a chance to do that. He was just there one day then gone the next. It was like a light switch, on-off-on-off. Except turning off a lightswitch does not kill someone. It does not leave people behind who grieve and cry, it does not affect people as much as you did BBBFF. I love you always and forever.
I put the paper in the envelope then placed that on my bed next to me. Sighing I looked at Shining’s knife.
‘I-I can do this.’ I thought as I swallowed back a sob. Gently, I placed the tip of Shining’s knife on my wrist.
‘All I-I need to do is make a cut. Just one a-and this will all be over.’
I pressed down on the knife then winced as I felt the first spike of pain lance up my wrist. Reacting instinctively I hissed in pain then jerked the knife away from my arm. I could feel the blood- my blood -trickle out of that small cut that I couldn’t see in the darkness of my room- I didn’t want to see what I was doing so I had turned the lights off -It tickled a bit. The small line of blood that is, I don’t know why but the action of cutting myself made my entire budy shake and shiver so by the time I hoisted Shining’s knife back up to my arm I could barely hold still. I- why was I shivering so much? I want to end everything don’t I, don’t I? I pressed the knife down on the cut and once again it carved cleanly into my arm but with all the shaking I was doing I might mess up. I could feel the pain building but I knew that with one clean cut I could end it all. So I did, I drew Shining’s knife down the length of my arm and marveled at the immediate gush of blood that followed in the knife’s wake. I could feel the affects of blood loss already, I felt like I could fly and sleep at the same time. Though sleeping is far better than flying so I laid down on my bed and-
“-Twily?” An eerily familiar voice asked as my bedroom lights flickered on.
I looked up and saw- I saw him!
“Shining Armor!” I cried out in joy as I jumped off of my bed to hug him. I didn’t get to hug him though, as I closed in on him he grabbed my cut arm and held it in front of him my blood quickly coating his hand.
“Twily!” he asked in a panic. “What are you doing!”
With tears in my eyes I quickly explained,
“I was coming to see you BBBFF. I never got to say goodbye. Now we can be together forever.”
My big brother released my arm then took a step back while his face contorted in- in disgust? Why would he be disgusted? I was going to see him again then everything would be back to the way it should be.
“Shining? Shining what-what-”
He pushed me away with a cry of “No!”
“But!-” I protested seeking his warm embrace again.
“-No! Twilight, no.” He- he yelled at me as he held me at arm's length. “What you are doing is so fucking stupid!”
Taking a step forward he wrenched my arm up so he could show me the bloody cut I had made.
“Did you think that killing yourself would make everything better?”
“Yeah.” I replied in a small voice. He looked at me with- with something, I don’t know what it was. Shaking his head he shoved my arm in my face showering me with own life force. It tasted like copper, I was disgusted.
“Mom and Dad already lost me.” He continued “You saw what that did to them, so what do you think your death is going to do to them, huh?”
“It’s too late Shining,” I begged, still disgusted by the copper taste that was flooding my mouth. “I-”
“-To hell with that! You will remember me like I was, You will remember all of the fun times we had together and I will not let you kill yourself.”
“Shining, what-”
Then shoved me away from him and kicked me out of my room.
I was propelled out of my room and into darkness. I couldn’t see anything, I couldn’t hear anything, but for the first time in months I felt happy, I felt light as a feather as I flew. Then my whole world broke apart with a distant crash and the feeling of furiously hot hands on my lacerated arm shocked me back to life.
“Twilight!” A distant voice shouted in concern. My eyes snapped open as a ray of light shone in them, blinding me. By the time I could see again I could feel a faint tugging on my left arm, the one that I cut. I looked down and I saw a pair of yellow-ish hands tying a purple t-shirt around my cuts. I sat up and- and nothing happened. Sunset continued to tie my left arm up even as I raised that arm to my face. I-I was out of my body. I started to hyperventilate as the consequences of my actions hit me all at once. I couldn’t move. Instead, I just wallowed in my own despair. Shining had abandoned me. He had kicked me out! Why! What had I done to deserve that? It was only when I felt the ghostly sensation of a softly scented hand brush my face that I knew I was still alive.
“Sunset?” I said as I placed a hand on her right shoulder. “It’s okay, just let me go.”
I guess she didn’t hear me.
“Twilight, an ambulance is on the way just hold on a bit longer, okay?”
I knelt down beside her as she started CPR.
“Sunset, stop. I don’t need saving, I want to die. I want to see Shining again, just this once, okay?”
She continued despite my protests and each time she pressed down on my chest I could feel a bit of pressure and pain.
“Sunset.” I gasped. “Please stop, it hurts.”
“Come on Twi, don’t die on me. Live damn it. Live!”
She continued CPR while begging for me to live, I could feel a cold numbness spreading from my fingertips up my arms. Her attempts at resuscitating me weren’t working. My vision started fading. Before I blacked out completely I saw flashing lights bouncing off the bedroom window then a few seconds later three people dressed in EMT uniforms rushed into the room and pulled Sunset off of me. They ripped my shirt off and applied two AED patches, I could barely feel the two cold spots, a second later I felt an electric shock pulse throughout my body as my vision finally cut out.
Author's Note
There is good in this world, all we have to do is find it.
I had to get this piece out of my head. I am fine, I am not going to do something stupid, so don't worry.
I have sought out and I have found some 'good in this world' or at least people who make me laugh; SSaE, The Good HiE Podcast, MythrilMoth, FanofMostEverything, and dozens of others whose names I won't put down for the sake of length. However, for all of you who have made me laugh or cry in happiness or joy, thank you.
