Principal Celestia does cocaine

by usernameforthewin

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Equestria Girls, Comedy, Random
Length: 1087

Principal Celestia does cocaine and shoots people

Tired of her horrible job with a bunch of whiny teens Celestia finds herself on a violent drug trip creating a whole slew of problems for the staff and Twilight sparkle

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-24 14:26:45 UTC

Cocaine and cocaine accessories

Principal Celestia sat in her office looking at her computer, the glow of the monitor boring into her soul as she restlessly looked at it hoping for stimulation. She groaned "I can't stand this! Why did I think it was a good idea to have a high school of fucking furry faggity teenagers!? This is bullshit!" Celestia complained. She reached for a bag of chips on her desk. But they fell off into the trash "Son of a butt mongrol ass whore's bitch." She said somberly her eyebrows twitching in restrained fury. Celestia got up and walked out wandering the school halls her very being burned with hatred as she passed classroom after classroom of obnoxious teens.

Meanwhile Miss Cheerilee was working with Twist in the science lab "Twist, give me the book bags." Cheerilee commanded reaching out expectantly for a book bag

"Yo, Miss Cheer, when do we put the cinnamon powder in?" Twist asked lazily. Cheerilee smacked Twist

Glaring in the younger girl's eyes Cheerilee sternly told her "We do not put cinnamon powder in. We only make the purest cocaine."

"Yeah whatever, bitch." Twist rubbed her reddening face from Cheerliee's strike. With her free hand Twist took a tortilla chip and dipped it in the pile of cocaine

Seeing this Cheerile slapped her hand "No! We do not use our own product!" Cheerliee repremanded her angrily

"Making some chips huh?" They looked at the familiar voice seeing Celestia dip a chip in the cocaine and eating it "That's pretty salty." Celestia remarked

Cheerilee was wide eyed at this "Oh fuck..." she whispered

Celestia's eyes dilated, her body shuddering "FUCK!!!" Celestia overturned the table smashing all the equipment on the table before she snorted the remaining cocaine and ran out of the room "FUCK YEAH!!!" Celestia proclaimed running down the hall. Celestia grabbed Caramel by the head smashing his face into a locker repeatedly till blood poured out his gaping fractured skull "THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING!!!" Celestia cheered ignoring the blood splattered over herself. Seemingly at random Celestia punched open a locker finding a CZ seventy five "WOO!!!" She cheered before she took the gun and started shooting students.

"Celestia!? What are you doing!?" Twilight asked, her heart sinking as she saw her principal and mentor murder students not only in cold blood but seeming to revel in the carnage like it was a game.

"TWILIGHT!" Celestia loudly stated spitting as she spoke. Celestia leaped in the air tackling Twilight. Celestia then started punching Twilight in the face as Twilight helplessly squirmed under Celestia overwhelming fury

Twilight cried "Why Celestia!?"

"THIS FEELS FUCKING FANTASTIC!!!" Celestia replied

"Principal Celestia, what are you doing!?" Celestia got up and jittered turning around to see Flash sentry was the punk ass bitch that interupted her wrath

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CUNT!!!" Celestia snarled before she bit out Flash's neck "Fuck... that felt good." She remarked as Police sirens went off "The fuck?" Celestia asked aloud. Celestia went outside to the sound finding cops running in

"Ma'am put the gun down!" One of the cops said as she was trained in their sights. Celestia looked at her gun. Then she grinned as she ran at the cops who shot at her. Their bullets doing little to slow her down, she shot the farther cop and flipped the closest cop into the hand rails of the stairs and tossing them onto the grass before Celestia jumped onto and off of the hand rails and elbow dropped the cop

"This is unit five se-" Before he could finish Celestia shot the cop dead and laughed

"YEAH!!!" Celestia cheered shooting into the air

"Celestia?! What has gotten into you!?" Looking at the stairs Celestia saw her sister Luna with a worried look about her

Celestia grinned putting her gun between her nether lips "Some kinda salty corn chip!!! AND IT'S THE SHIT!!!" She screamed with energy as she advanced up to the stairs to Luna.

"Celestia, put the gun down. You're scaring the students!" Luna said as she eyed her sister in her wayward state.

"Okay." Celestia said calmly as she dropped it. She then jumped up the stairs slamming Luna against the doors

"C-Celestia!?" Luna questioned before Celestia grabbed Luna by the sides of her head and began kissing her as Luna protested. Luna kicked Celestia in the groin but Celestia grinned back

"We both know that was gonna happen!!!" Celestia said happily

"I'm calling mom!" Luna spat

"Prude!" Celestia replied

"Bitch!" Luna yelled

"Bitch!" Celestia yelled right back at her as she climbed into the police car giving Luna the finger as she drove away Luna took out her phone

"Mom? It's Celestia she, uh... uh..." Luna looked at the carnage around her "She's going to take some time off..." Luna hung up the phone "I don't know why Celestia did those things. But she looked out for me when I did cocaine and started committing crimes under the name Nightmare moon." Luna told herself. With a sigh she started dragging the bodies into the school and to the furnace, hoping her sister would be okay. Without the faintest idea of where her straight laced sister could be driving off to she had no options to help her except destroy the evidence.

Meanwhile Cheerliee and Twist watched this unfold hiding among the cars of the parking lot "Yo what the fuck are we gonna do? This is too fuckin much yo!" Twist said but Cheerliee just smacked her

"We have to go underground." Cheerliee said professionally

Just waking up at five PM Discord got dressed and started watching cartoons while breaking up some meth on his coffee table before there was a knock on the door. He reached for a gun and went to the door. Peeking into the peephole he saw Celestia standing outside, he opened it up with a smirk "Well look wh-" Celestia simply shoved him out of the way

"Great seeing you boo. Gotta catch up real quick! I gotta use the bathroom!" Celestia went into his dingy bathroom while he just stood there clearly not expecting Celestia like this, wearing her normal business first pants suit but something was definitely off about her, specifically how she seemed to walk way too fast and how she managed to knock over ten different things walking in a straight line to the bathroom as if she couldn't see anything besides the water closet door. He just waited outside listening to Celestia retch.