81 times if you count the story description, the story title, and the cover art.
Author's Note
Considering that season 7 is gonna premiere next week, it would be fitting to publish a story I was originally gonna publish sometime during the season 6 finale.
And before you read this story, yeah yeah, I know, I'm a jackass.
81 times if you count the story description, the story title, and the cover art.
Peace among ponies and changelings seemed to be a dream come true as Celestia declared that a relationship between the ponies and changelings was necessary if harmony was to be achieved in Equestria. Flurry Heart smiled as her mother hugged her. Shining Armor placed a hoof on Cadance's shoulder as he looked upon the other ponies. Spike was hugging the new designed Thorax, proud of what he has accomplished. The Elements of Harmony were satisfied that all was well, though Twilight couldn't help but to feel a twinge of jealousy over the fact that Trixie helped save them. Nevertheless, now was not the time to feel jealousy for Twilight.
Luna couldn't help but to chuckle at the sight of Discord putting on a wild smile as he hugged Fluttershy.
"Splendid idea! Now who's ready for some celebratory tea at Fluttershy's?!" He shouted, causing Fluttershy to widen her eyes in surprise.
"Oh! Uh, everypony?" She squeaked in mild fear as she browsed throughout the ponies and the crowd of colorful and reformed changelings.
"Actually," Starlight spoke up, catching the attention of Discord. "Now that you can snap your claws and send us absolutely anywhere again, I think I have a better option."
Before Starlight could explain her alternative option, one brightly colored changeling flew up in the air with a joyful smile on his face. "Can we come?" He asked in a friendly tone. "I mean, we changed our ways!"
"Yeah!" Another changeling added with determination sparkling in his bright red eyes. "Now we want to spread happiness and love to help nurture our community!"
The ponies looked at each other with uncomfortable looks on their faces. Celestia and Luna shrugged as Spike whistled while looking away. Starlight coughed before she smiled weakly at the changelings. "Yeah, wow. Um, I don't think all of us changelings can come."
The smiles that were plastered on the changelings' faces were wiped off at the unicorn's response. "Why not?" One changeling spoke up from the crowd. "We're not evil anymore."
"I know that," Starlight reasoned as she rubbed her foreleg, wondering what is the best method of dealing with this situation. "It's just that...um..."
"The way we look?"
Starlight winced at the response that Thorax gave her. She calmed herself quickly and looked up at Thorax, feeling a bit uneasy over the fact that he looks like some kind of moose-like creature. "Yeah, it's something like that."
An orange changeling walked up to the taller changeling. "King Thorax..."
Thorax looked down at the changeling with a kind and warming smile. "Please don't call me King. Call me Thorax."
"Right." The changeling responded as he cleared his throat. "Now what's wrong with what we look like? I mean, we don't look dark and menacing anymore. We look friendly, that's all."
"I know that," Thorax replied with reason in his tone. He felt a small bead of sweat go down his forehead as he decided to find a nicer way of stating the real problem. "It's just, um, our appearance...um..."
"IT LOOKS GAY!"
"Whoa!" Thorax shouted with utter disbelief at the aqua changeling who barked out that sentence. "Don't need to blurt that out."
"What?" The aqua changeling shrugged as he casually faced towards Thorax. "Just stating the truth. It looks gay."
"You think everything is gay." Another changeling spoke up with a hint of irritation in his voice.
"OF COURSE I THINK EVERYTHING IS GAY!" The aqua changeling howled before realizing the volume of his voice. Calming himself down, he grinned awkwardly at the changelings. "I mean, we have to love everyone. That includes people of the same gender! That's gay!"
"What do ya mean?"
"What do I mean?" The aqua changeling responded to the green changeling looking at him. "Oh c'mon! It's so obvious! A male changeling falling in love with a stallion and a female changeling dating a mare!"
"Um, I don't think we changelings have a gender." The green changeling replied while tilting his head.
"I thought it was Shklee." One changeling shouted from the crowd of changelings.
"No, you got that from those gay stories you read." Another changeling answered from the changeling crowd. "I mean, they're just gay stories!"
"Ha ha ha ha! Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder."
"Anywho," The aqua changeling explained, having to raise his volume to drown out the obnoxious laughing idiot from the crowd. "It doesn't matter if we're male or female or Shklee, I'm just saying that it shouldn't be bad to say gay when everything around us is gay."
He pointed to the ponies with his aqua colored foreleg. "I mean, look at those ponies! They're gay!"
Starlight dropped her jaw as the rest of the ponies were baffled at the statement the aqua changeling just said. Rainbow Dash was close to speeding towards him to give him a black eye if it wasn't for Applejack holding her tail. Some of the changelings even blushed at the thought of being labeled gay.
"WHAT!?" Starlight shouted as she closed her jaw and glared at the aqua changeling. "WE'RE NOT GAY!"
"Yeah, they're not gay, okay?" Thorax explained as he walked next to Starlight Glimmer.
"You sure, King Thorax?"
"Thorax." The tall changeling corrected with a slight glare hiding in his face.
"Right, my bad. It's just that, I mean, that purple unicorn, Starbright I think, likes that magician unicorn, that farmer pony seems to like both the rainbow pony and fashion pony, the alicorn nerd has a crush on the magician, all the unicorns are gay for each other, the little dragon is gay-"
Spike gasped loudly as he face twitch from utter fury. "WHAT?! I'M NOT GAY! I HAVE A CRUSH ON RARITY, A MARE! REMEMBER!?"
"Yeah, we changelings know." One random changeling responded with an amused grin on his face. "It's so obvious. It's like our appetizers before brunch. The only one who practically doesn't know is that marshmallow pony you have a crush on!"
"Why how dare you! I know of Spikey-Wikey's feelings!" She turned away with a slight blush. "It's just that he's a bit too young for me."
"A baby dragon's age is equal to a middle-aged pony's age." The aqua changeling responded with a bemused look on his face.
"Wait, really?" Rarity stuttered with some sparkling stars in her eyes. She turned to Twilight, who shrugged with a frown on her face.
"He's right." Twilight added as she glanced at Spike. "Ember even backed up this fact with some evidence. Matter of fact, I need to double check, but Spike is 50 years older than any of us."
"Oh my." Rarity responded as she turned to the bashfully smiling Spike with his arms behind his back. The fashionista couldn't help but to smile sweetly at the dragon who was apparently older than her.
The aqua changeling smiled with triumph showing in his grin. "See, even the gay nerd agrees."
"I'M NOT GAY! I'M STRAIGHT!" Twilight shrieked at the changeling as fire began to spew from her eyes.
"Oh suuuuuuure." An anonymous changeling shouted with fresh sarcasm. "And you have a crush on that Crystal Empire guard~"
Twilight's fury devolved into shock. "How did you know that!?"
Despite not being able to see the changeling who said that statement, Twilight could tell that his sarcasm was replaced with disbelief. "Oh wow, really? I was actually joking about that."
"Dude, she has a crush on Starlight, remember?"
"I'm not gay!" Starlight growled at the changeling who just said that sentence. "I have a crush on Sunburst, a STALLION! Remember?! I WAS A DICTATOR TO A VILLAGE AND DISRUPTED THE TIMELINE BECAUSE OF HIM! ALMOST EVERYONE HATES ME BECAUSE OF THAT!"
"Wow. Disrupting the timeline for a stallion. That sounds pretty gay. Like that magician pony."
"THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE IS NOT GAY!" She hissed at the other changeling who said that sentence. "She is awaiting until a handsome and bold stallion would wipe her from the ground and carry me like a courageous knight!"
"That's what all gay ponies say." The aqua changeling spoke up with a sly smile plastered on his face. "You know, because you're all actually gay."
"Hey guys!" Thorax shouted at the changelings. "Let's play the BE QUIET GAME! 1, 2, 3, GO!
Everyone suddenly fell silent upon Thorax's declaration. Spike and Twilight looked at each other with puzzled expressions as Discord could not help but to smile widely. Starlight and Trixie bit their lips as a clear display of embarrassment. Flurry Heart looked around, completely befuddled at the current situation. The changelings did not say a single sound as they glanced at each other.
"This game is gay." One of them stated.
"OH GREAT! I CAN'T GET THE WORD GAY OUT OF MY MIND NOW!" Thorax growled at the changelings. "I hope you're happy!"
"Sorry to hear that, King Thorax."
"WHY DO YOU CHANGELINGS KEEP CALLING ME KING!?" Thorax shouted back, uncaring over the popped vein in his forehead. "I didn't ask for this gay king job! Is it because I look gay enough to be a ruler, according to your 'everything is gay' logic!?"
"No, it's just that you're like, tall as that sun pony and her gay wife, that moon pony." A red changeling reasoned with an innocent look on his face.
"What!" Celestia gasped at the red changeling's words. "She's my sister! We're not married to each other nor gay!"
"Wait, you're her sister?" The red changeling uttered before sheepishly looking away. "Oh snap, sorry. Didn't know that."
One random changeling cleared his throat. "You two into some gay incest thing...?"
"NO!"
"Also, didn't that gay pony said," The aqua changeling said to Thorax while pointing towards Celestia, "'Thorax, as the new leader of the changelings, I look forward to discussing how we can improve our relationship in the future.' Exactly what the gay pony said."
"STOP CALLING ME GAY!!!" Celestia screamed at the changeling.
"Don't need to shout." The aqua changeling retorted with a frown. "That's mighty gay."
"See! I told you that you think everything is gay!" A changeling grumbled while crossing his forelegs. "What don't you think is gay?"
"Gak."
The second the aqua changeling said that word, all ponies and Spike gave him the death glare. The second he saw those nasty looks, the unmoved changeling shrugged at the ones glaring at him.
"What? She's my wife."
"He's right." A forest green changeling added as she walked out from the crowd of changelings. "Hi, I'm Gak. Nice to meet y'all. For some reason, changelings and ponies get angry when my name is mentioned."
"Wait, did you say she?" An unknown changeling called out from the crowd. "I thought we didn't have a gay gender or something."
Another changeling was heard from the crowd. "That's gay."
"Your face is gay!"
"Your gay joke is skyrocketing the gay status of the current gay situation that is bestowing upon us in a gay fashion."
"What?"
"I'M CALLING YOU GAY!"
"Guys! Stop saying gay! It's so offensive!" Thorax shouted at the point where changeling spit shot out of his mouth.
"Hehehe! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY!" Pinkie Pie chanted with a naughty smile on her face.
"Pinkie, stop saying gay!" Twilight rebuked the party pony.
"You just said gay, Twi!" Rainbow Dash retorted with an amused look on her face.
"Land sakes, Dash, now you just said gay!" Applejack rebuked the pegasus while shaking her head.
"Applejack! How dare you use that uncouth use of the word gay!" Rarity chided as she haughtily looked away in disappointment.
"Gay." Fluttershy squeaked out. "Um, you just said that, Rarity. Um, that word, gay."
"I SAID STOP SAYING GAY!" Thorax shrieked, his voice was close to being sore from the angered yelling.
Shining Armor crossed his forelegs. "Don't worry, you won't hear me say gay-oops."
Cadance gently swatted her husband's forehead with a scolding frown. "Shining! Don't say gay in front of the baby-ah nuts."
"Thank goodness Chrysalis isn't here to hear this gay thing." Starlight grumbled as she covered her face with her hooves.
Thorax's throat was now officially sore, yet his anger did not prevent him from being silent. "WHAT PART OF 'STOP SAYING GAY' DO YOU PONIES NOT UNDERSTAND!? IS IT THE 'GAY' PART!?!?!"
Princess Luna shook her head at this predicament and began to clear her throat. With her infamous Royal Canterlot Voice now intact, she boomed the following words: "WE COMMAND ALL OF THY TO BE PROHIBITED OF UTTERING THE LOATHSOME AND UNCOUTH WORD!!!"
The second her voice was heard, everyone shut their mouths. All expressions of shock, rage, and embarrassment were conquered by fear. All stared at Luna without the thought of vexing her. Upon seeing the situation defused, Luna smiled victoriously as she turned to her older sister.
"There, didn't even say gay."
Celestia frowned. "You said gay, Luna."
Luna's eyes widen before they quickly lowered. "Oh. Well, um, so did you."
Celestia's pupils shrank as her ears lowered in disappointment. "Aw poo."
"Okay, so far the only ones who haven't said gay is me and Discord." Spike explained as he frowned.
"I'm afraid that you just said gay, Spikey." Rarity pointed out with a sad smile.
"Dang." Spike grumbled before he turned to Discord. "You've been awfully quiet. Kinda strange, considering this kind of situation."
"What can I say? Nothing like eating popcorn while ponies and changelings say those bad words. Tee hee." Discord chuckled like a child as he fished his talon into the red popcorn bag that had the word GAY imprinted on the side.
The aqua changeling shook his head. "A popcorn bag that says the word 'gay' on it? That's gay."
Thorax's sanity was shattered.
"IF ONE OF YOU GAY NINCOMPOOPS SAYS GAY ONE MORE FREAKING TIME, I SWEAR IN MY FORMER GAY QUEEN'S GAY LIFE THAT I'M GOING TO COMMAND MY GAY CHANGELING KINGDOM TO BURN DOWN THIS GAY PONYLAND IN A GAY FASHION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Flurry Heart looked around, observing the chaotic situation that she did not understand due to her young age. Regardless, she smiled as she said just one word:
"Gay."
