I gently dabbed foundation onto my cheeks and tried to ignore the hooves that were doing so. I ignored the huge cracks in the mirror. It was time for the show. I was perfect. "Perfectly FAKE!"
I ignored the voice inside my head and carefully slipped on my shoes, wincing where the sides of the shoes brushed my cuts. When the voice first started bothering me I panicked. I thought I was going insane and in retrospect I probably am. I can't go to counselling though. I am the perfect model and if I go to counselling all anyone will know me as is a once great role model but one who went insane. I would instead of being one who the masses want to be I'll instead be a great example of who not to be. " You could always rely on your friends... Oh WAIT... you don't have any."
The voice has got worse recently. It tells me to do things I never would do. However I fear that if it is around for much longer I shall snap leading to terrible consequences. Before each show I say 'After this show then I shall tell.' This is when my fears kick in. I think then I'll be through in a white room, constricted to a straight jacket, never to see the light of day again. I know this is illogical and absurd but the thought's vile tendrils still tug my paranoia anyway.
I think somehow I brought this upon myself. I was quite the bully when I was younger. Sometimes I think the voice sound awfully like the young me. I try to erase this thought from my mind. After all I wasn't that bad... Was I? I mean in the end I was forgiven and I had Silverspoon. Oh Silverspoon... Ever faithful until the end. I was never much one to believe in karma but know I'm not so sure. "You have a pegusus who can't even fly!"
I remember the CMC as they called themselves. Applebloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie belle. Looking back I can't remember why I was so horrible too them. Despite my constant taunting they turned out well. The CMC travel around equestrian looking for cutie mark issues to help. I believe they are in Las Pegasus at the moment. "Yeah they didn't end up a failure like you."
I remember my first sip of alcohol. I hated it. I wish I still did. For it is when I am drunk that the voice is at it's worse, saying horrible things about me until I can't bare to look at myself. that is how my smashed mirror came into being and why my legs still bare the cuts given to them by the strike of a knife.
Before you ask, NO I am not self harming for attention. In fact most of the time I am not even conscious enough to remember it. this is my other fear. I fear ponies will think I'm faking. they will turn on me. lovers will become haters and even as I cry out their knives will cut into me.
As you clearly see I am not in the best state of mind. I should think I would make a great actor for all the newspaper's say about me is how confident I am.
Speaking of the newspapers, do you want to know how many paparazzi I get? I don't think I can count! it is not like I'm even remotely interesting but they follow me around like gnats. When I was younger I was head of a newspaper for a day. I know apologize to everyone. I can now see how horrible being considered to have " a juicy story" is.
I don't think many people recognize how stressful it is being famous. Hay I can't even buy my groceries anymore without at least one pony saying "Look it's Diamond Tiara!" Ponies say if you complain when your famous your selfish. That's because they think that I live in a mansion. I don't I live in a tiny one bedroom flat. My pay is lower than a teacher's!"Your so funny! You can't even afford to pay your rent. You must be pretty ugly!"
I'm sorry I'm being bitter. I certainly don't live a bad life. There is only one part of my life I hate. The voice inside my head. It is changing me so much I wonder if I'll be the same person when I die. I hope when ponies visit my grave they will remember me and not what I became.
Dear Diamond Tiara,
I heard you are having a hard time what with that whole story about how you abused your camera man. I am going to put it out there and say I don't believe that story. I have always been a fan of yours. Mabey if you know how much your fans love you it might make you happy.
Diamond Tiara you really are my foal's and I biggest role model. Whenever somepony wants someone to look up too I always point to you. I heard when you were younger you were horrible but you changed. I think that somepony who is completely perfect is not the best role model because they are not a good representation of what a normal pony is like. I think you are a good role model. When you were younger you made the conscious decision to become a good pony and that takes more effort than being born an angel.
If only you knew who pretty you are. Whenever you walk down the runway your eyes always scream that you don't believe you deserve to be on the runway and you smile is always rather forced. Many a pony wouldn't notice, to enthralled in their own life to care about other's. however if there was anything my mother taught me, it is that selfishness is the worst crime. when ever we by magazines my daughter goes straight over to the ones you model. she always tries to copy you, by wearing huge long dresses and tons of makeup and the likes. It really is quite cute.
I don't think that you realise just how much your fans care for you. If you did decide to get counselling we would be there every step of the way. You have to at least consider it. If you died I think this world would be one more wonder shorter. I don't think it is cowardly to need help sometimes. In fact I think it is brave to go to someone and say "I need help."
I'm sorry of this letter's shortness but if I faffed about you probably wouldn't read it all. I just needed to get my point across.
From the bottom of our hearts
Your biggest fans
Dinky Doo and Rose Doo
