dreaming of being the little filly
"Uhhmm... Anon?" says flutershy
you are terminator-anon sabotage by the resistance has landed you in the in-correct location you find yourself being slightly impressed that the resistance manged to weaponize semen but that is a thought for a later time for the yellow child is still trying to open communication with you.
"S-so I was wondering if we could watch it together, only i-if you don't mind"
terminator-anon inspects the yellow child to ensure it is no threat
Carrying concealed weapon? No.
Combat training? Unlikely.
Signs of aggression? None.
Strength level? Weak.
Armor rating? Low.
Threat level 0. Proceed with interaction.
"Please repeat your previous statements."
"I-I was wondering if y-y-you...you know, wanted to w-watch My Little Pony with me."
Possible trap? Likely.
Threat level reevaluating.
"For what purpose?"
"B-because I think it'd be fun."
"Fun?"
"Y-yeah."
"What is fun?"
"You've never heard o-of fun? Oh my."
Snide remark detected.
Student witnesses detected.
Deploying social safety measures.
"Your hair takes peculiar form and does not follow the laws of physics."
Salt levels rising.
Moistness detected in target's eyes.
Possible attack?
Preparing combat maneuvers.
Preparing pants removal
Target fleeing.
Threat eliminated.
"Wow, Anon is so cool."
New directive.
Understand "cool".
Studying environment. Library.
Cataloging system? Dewey Decimal system.
Searching books. Subject: Cool.
None found.
Searching for alternate forms of intelligence gathering.
Computers located.
En route to computers to study Cool.
"Hey, Anon!"
Intercepted. Analyzing situation.
Two students detected. Registering faces.
Yellow child from previous hallway engagement.
New blue child.
Carrying concealed weapon? No.
Combat training? Unlikely.
Signs of aggression? Yes.
Strength level? Weak.
Armor rating? Low.
Threat level 2. Proceed with caution.
"Hello."
"What's the big idea?!"
"Understanding 'cool'."
"You made Fluttershy cry!"
Cataloging name. Yellow child is Fluttershy.
"Affirmative."
"Apologize!"
"Why?"
Detecting raised fist.
Defensive measures recommended.
Deploying apology.
"I'm sorry."
"O-oh. Really?"
Target requests affirmation.
Proceed?
"Yes."
"Well, I guess that's ok then."
"S-so, are we c-cool, Anon?"
Cool detected.
Studies incomplete.
"Please excuse me. I have chores."
"Oh really? What are you up to?"
Response unexpected. Analyzing alternate solutions.
"Anon?"
Analyzing.
"Yoo hoo? Earth to Anon?"
"Please excuse me. I have soiled myself."
Planning route to bathroom.
Route found. Exiting room.
Threat eliminated.
Alternate forms of study required.
Bathroom located.
Scanning for students.
3 detected.
Carrying concealed weapons? No.
Intoxicated? Affirmative.
Threat level 0.
Acquiring stall.
Deploying defense measures.
Door locked.
Library locked down.
Scanning for alternate forms of information gathering devices.
Scanning for teachers.
None.
Scanning for television.
None.
Scanning for cellphones.
3 detected.
Cellphones in possession of students.
Options: buy cellphones, steal cell phones, ask for cellphones.
Funds: $0 and a rubber band.
Penalty for theft: detention.
Social skills: minimum level.
Chance of success at 32%.
Proceed with caution.
Exiting stall.
Approaching students.
"Please give me your phone."
"Yo bruh...what?"
"Please give me your phone."
"Duuude...you're like...green."
"Affirmative."
"That's funky."
"Is 'funky' a synonym for 'cool'?"
"Like...yeah...I guess..."
"Is it?"
"Dude like...I don't know."
Recalculating. Chance of success at 15%.
"Please give me your phone."
"But like...I need it."
Alternate solution detected.
"I sense a teacher within 30 yards. Please vacate the premises. I shall hide the evidence of your illegal activities."
"Oh shit man!"
Students evacuating bathroom.
Scanning pot den.
9 ounces of marijuana.
3 cellphones.
Mission success.
Acquiring cellphone.
Error. Screen is locked.
Scanning for key.
No key found.
Scanning for alternate means of entry.
Error. Smashing phone against floor results in catastrophic failure.
Acquiring second phone.
Scanning for alternate means of entry.
Keypad detected.
Attempting to decode password.
Error.
Error.
Error.
Error.
Recalculating. Chance of success at 2%.
Warning: Bathroom has been breached.
Detecting teacher at door.
Carrying concealed weapon? No.
Showing signs of aggression? Yes.
Strength level? Medium.
Threat level 4. Preparing defensive measures.
"You there! What are you doing?!"
"Studying."
"Is that pot?!"
"Affirmative."
"You're coming with me, bucko!"
"Negative."
"Excuse me?!"
"Negative."
"The fuck do you mean negative? I'm calling the cops. Man, you damn kids always stink up my bathroom with pot."
"Your bathroom?"
"Yeah my bathroom. Got a problem with that?"
"Are you not a teacher?"
"I'm the janitor. Name's Scruffy."
Cataloging Scruffy.
"Get the fuck out."
"Negative. I must study."
"Study what?"
"Cool."
"Is that what the pot is for?"
"Negative. I do not own this marijuana."
"Then who's is it?"
"The marijuana belongs to whomever the cellphones belong to."
"What?"
"I have acquired many cellphones. Please assist me in unlocking them."
"Did you...steal those?"
Theft results in detention.
Scanning Scruffy.
Results: old, angry, possibly intoxicated.
Conclusion: not a snitch.
"Affirmative."
"Hey...how about I help you with those phones and you give me the pot?"
Trade detected. Running Trade Agreement program.
Calculating risks.
Pot required for mission? Unlikely.
Chances of school official entering bathroom? Unlikely.
"These terms are acceptable."
"Sweet. Let's go to my office."
Trade accepted.
Ending task.
"Thank you."
Ending Trade Agreement program.
Reevaluating Scruffy.
Carrying concealed weapon? No.
Signs of aggression? No.
Strength level? Medium.
Threat level 1. Proceed safely.
Acquiring cellphone.
Error. Screen is locked.
Scanning for key.
No key found.
Scanning for alternate means of entry.
Error. Smashing phone against floor results in catastrophic failure.
Acquiring second phone.
Scanning for alternate means of entry.
Keypad detected.
Attempting to decode password.
Error.
Error.
Error.
Error.
Recalculating. Chance of success at 2%.
Warning: Bathroom has been breached.
Detecting teacher at door.
Carrying concealed weapon? No.
Showing signs of aggression? Yes.
Strength level? Medium.
Threat level 4. Preparing defensive measures.
"You there! What are you doing?!"
"Studying."
"Is that pot?!"
"Affirmative."
"You're coming with me, bucko!"
"Negative."
"Excuse me?!"
"Negative."
"The fuck do you mean negative? I'm calling the cops. Man, you damn kids always stink up my bathroom with pot."
"Your bathroom?"
"Yeah my bathroom. Got a problem with that?"
"Are you not a teacher?"
"I'm the janitor. Name's Scruffy."
Cataloging Scruffy.
"Get the fuck out."
"Negative. I must study."
"Study what?"
"Cool."
"Is that what the pot is for?"
"Negative. I do not own this marijuana."
"Then who's is it?"
"The marijuana belongs to whomever the cellphones belong to."
"What?"
"I have acquired many cellphones. Please assist me in unlocking them."
"Did you...steal those?"
Theft results in detention.
Scanning Scruffy.
Results: old, angry, possibly intoxicated.
Conclusion: not a snitch.
"Affirmative."
"Hey...how about I help you with those phones and you give me the pot?"
Trade detected. Running Trade Agreement program.
Calculating risks.
Pot required for mission? Unlikely.
Chances of school official entering bathroom? Unlikely.
"These terms are acceptable."
"Sweet. Let's go to my office."
Trade accepted.
Ending task.
"Thank you."
Ending Trade Agreement program.
Reevaluating Scruffy.
Carrying concealed weapon? No.
Signs of aggression? No.
Strength level? Medium.
Threat level 1. Proceed safely.
Descending stairs.
Visibility approaching 0.
"So how'd you get all that pot anyway?"
Question detected.
Suggested response: socially acceptable amount of sarcasm.
Running sarcasm program.
Searching for response.
"Buddy?"
"Please hold."
"Whatever."
Stairs completed. Visibility absolute 0.
Delegating sarcasm to background program.
"Hold on, let me get the lights. They're around here somewhere."
Visibility increased to acceptable levels.
Detecting grime and assorted molds.
Reevaluating Scruffy's status: bad janitor.
"My office is right this wa--"
"I informed the students that their fridge was departing with great speed and suggested they pursue it before it achieved such a distance to be legally considered 'run away'."
Sarcasm successful. Ending program.
"Riiight... My office is right this way."
"Does it have the proper tools for unlocking my cellphones?"
"Well it should. If it don't, shit...I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
Warning. Danger. Alert.
"I do not approach bridges."
"It's a figure of speech."
"Are figures of speech cool?"
"I guess."
"Is cool a figure of speech?"
"No."
Paradox detected.
Ending thought process to preserve mental integrity.
Door detected.
Scanning text: Scruffy's Office - Do not Enter - Trespassers Will be Shot
Being shot will likely cause damage to body
Reevaluating Scruffy.
Carrying concealed weapon? Highly likely.
Showing signs of aggression? No.
Strength level? Medium.
Threat level 6. Proceed with extreme caution.
Preparing defensive measures.
"Let me just unlock this."
Detecting sharp objects.
Sharp objects hidden within door.
Crisis averted.
Entering office.
Locating desk and paper clutter.
Scanning documents. Late mortgage. Bill due. Divorce papers.
Reevaluating Scruffy.
Status: sad old man.
"Let me see if I got somethin' here. Mops...no. Brooms...no. Hot pockets...later. Aha, here it is! Stole this baby out of that nerd's locker."
Universal lock detected.
Recommended emotion: happiness.
Deploying smile.
Smile successful.
"Let me see that there phone."
Transferring phone.
Lock attaching to phone.
"Now I just press this button here and...oops, not that one. Shit. Uhh...shit. Got another phone? Kinda fried this one."
Last cellphone value? High.
Risk of failure? High.
Accessing proverbs.
"Your waifu a shit."
"What?"
"Got to eat big to get big. 2 scoops cmon."
"The hell are you saying?"
"Have to risk big to make it big."
Appropriate proverb found.
Calculating risk-to-reward ratio.
Ratio deemed acceptable.
Transferring final phone to Scruffy.
"Alright, this time for sure. Only two buttons on this thing and I'm pretty sure I can only hit the kill switch once."
"Got it! Ha ha, nice. Looks like the password was 1111. You could have unlocked it on your first try if you were some kind of robot that ran through codes 1 number at a time."
Cover blown? Possible.
Preparing murder procedures.
"Shit, I'm just pulling your leg."
Cover not blown.
Ceasing murder procedures.
Acquiring phone.
"Now how 'bout my pot?"
Transferring marijuana.
Trade completed.
Focusing on phone.
Opening internet.
Scanning open tabs.
Porncenter. HotMilfLife. GoodFuxNearMe. 4chin. UsTube MLP S08E17.
Detecting code. Deciphering S08E17.
Deciphering completed. Season 8 Episode 17.
High season count implies popular show.
More information required.
Googling "popular".
Synonym for cool.
"MLP is popular. Popular is cool. MLP is cool."
New directive.
Become MLP.
