Ponies Watch Red vs Blue

by shinigamisparda

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Science Fiction, Comedy, Random, Crossover, Human
Length: 5423

Our favorite ponies (and dragon, and draconequus) watch the best machinima show of all time... for whatever that's worth.

Rated M for sexual humor and slight gore much later in the series

Starlight Glimmer, while roaming the halls of the home/castle/palace of her new mentor in Friendship, discovers a mysterious box with an odd message, claiming to be from another world on the possible brink of destruction. In order to ensure something from their civilization lives on they decided to send out a certain show for others to enjoy and learn from.

… Hey, no one said they made the smartest choice, but what the hell, right?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-28 04:01:02 UTC

Message in a Bott- I Mean, Box

"Well, that was certainly an interesting adventure, wouldn't you say darlings?" Rarity began leaning back into the cushion of her seat.

"Yeah, no kidding! My wings still feel numb!" Rainbow agreed, stretching out her appendages. "I'm taking a hot bath when I get home!"

"I hope Harry doesn't mind me wanting to cuddle up with him," Fluttershy commented. "He's always so warm and fluffy."

"Ah'm just glad everything turned out alright in the end," Applejack said, leaning back and tipping her hat down over her eyes. "Ah think Ah'm just gonna get some shut-eye for now."

"It was really something else. I'm just happy Flurry Heart isn't going to be causing anywhere near as much trouble as before," Twilight sighed. "Although to be honest, she's so cute that I just can't get mad at her."

"And I'm glad I finally got to reconnect with Sunburst after all this time," Starlight added. "I really owe it to you, Spike. If you hadn't pushed me to go for it, I probably never would've patched things up. Not to mention the two of us wouldn't have found a way to repair the Crystal Heart and save the Empire."

"Aww shucks, it's nothing! Honestly, I kinda feel bad that all the fans of Spike the Brave and Glorious held up your friendship lesson," he replied, flexing his arms he announced his title, causing the rest of the girls to giggle.

"I'm happy that Princess Flurry Heart was such a fun little filly to play with! Even if she did almost cause the destruction of the entire Crystal Empire," Pinkie added, bouncing in place. "Maybe Cadance and Shining Armor will let me foalsit sometime!"

"We'll see, Pinkie. I'm sure the two of them wouldn't mind some time off in the future," Twilight said. "By the way Spike, what happened to the Friendship list I gave you?"

"Oh, uh... I guess I kinda lost it in all the excitement. Sorry," he answered, not wanting to let her know she just sent all her hard work away.

"Well, that's alright I guess. I suppose you didn't really need it after all."

"Oh, I just remembered!" Starlight exclaimed.

Everypony turned to face her, curious.

"Hey, Twilight, this might  sound strange but... You never planned to send a package to another dimension, did you?"

"... Huh?" Twilight asked aloud.

"Oh! I did once! I could just never find a postal service that could take it. Probably didn't help that I didn't know the address," Pinkie answered.

Everypony just stared for a moment.

"Right... Anyway," Starlight continued. "While I was trying to find my way around the palace I opened a closet and a box with a letter fell out, along with some other things. It looked kind of strange, so I started to read a tiny bit of it before we left, but with the whole Crystaling and Sunburst things going on, I complete forgot about it until now. The letter began with something like 'To whatever world or finds this package.'"

"Um... no, I certainly didn't do that. Spike, was that part of some game you were playing?" Twilight asked her assistant.

"Uh, nope. I think I'd remember something like that," he answered.

"Pinkie, Rainbow, this ain't one of either of yer pranks, is it?" Applejack asked, tipping her hat up a bit so she could see them.

"Nah, not me," Dash answered.

"Noperoonie," Pinkie shook her head.

"Oh my! You don't think it was... real, do you?" Fluttershy asked.

"Perish the thought," Rarity scoffed.

"Actually, let's not forget that I've been to an alternate Equestria before. So it is theoretically possible there are even more universes," Twilight commented.

"Oh, that's right. I forgot."

"Wait, you've been to an alternate Equestria!?" Starlight asked in shock.

"Oh, right, we never did tell you about that, did we?"

"I left it in my room before we left for the Crystal Empire," Starlight explained as she opened the door. "Right on my- OH NO!" she cried as she dashed over to the bed, seeing the items gone. "Wh-Where is it!? I'm sure I put it here!"

"Looking for this, my dear?" came a voice from behind them. They all turned to see Discord float away from the wall, his color changing like a chameleon as she returned to his normal colors, holding the letter and the box above his paw with a magical grasp.

"GAH! WHAT IS THAT!?" Starlight exclaimed.

"What rock have you been living under?" he asked indignantly.

"Oh, we never did introduce you, did we?" Twilight admitted sheepishly. "This is-"

"Let the professionals handle this, Twilight," Discord interrupted before floating over, grabbing Starlight's hoof and shaking it. "Hello, my dear. I'm Discord, master of Chaos, and you have the distinguished honor of being introduced to me." His arm the detached from him, scurried up to her neck to reveal a the top half of a miniature Discord on the other end. "Charmed, I'm sure," it said. Starlight squealed in shock as the arm flew back and reattached itself to the main body.

"Alright Discord, you've sufficiently freaked out my pupil. What do you want?" Twilight asked, annoyed.

"Oh, I'm just here for this little package," he replied, motioning to the box. "I can tell just by the feel of it. It's from another world, and more than that one that's almost nothing like Equestria." Discord smiled with glee. "Can you believe it!? A whole other world! One without all the gag-inducing levels of Harmony and Friendship here in Equestria! Oh, I wonder what it's like!? Maybe there's a Guardian of Chaos who has to defend the world from overbearing Order! Maybe it's a world with no magic and instead the creatures living there change their bodies to do what they want! Maybe it's a world populated by millions of underaged and unemployed amateur writers who all try to cross their favorite stories together and accuse everyone else's original characters as overpowered self-inserts to vicariously live out their fantasies with the characters of their stories!"

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Youtube Video

"... Uh huh," Twilight replied. "Well, before we make any more assumptions, let's read that letter, shall we?"

She grabbed the item with a  levitation spell before removing it from the envelope, as all four of them leaned in to read it. What they saw got a reaction out of all of them, whether it be surprise or outright shock.

To whatever world finds this package,

I don't know if you'll believe what I've written here, hell I don't even know if you can even read this, but here goes. My world is in a pretty sorry state right now. Wars are happening everywhere, the environment is deteriorating, and the people in charge of most of the nations of the world are either too stupid, ignorant, greedy, or insane to really care. I'm sure people have thought this in the past, but it really does look like I'm going to see the end of my world, or at least the end of my species and civilization.

By pure chance me and some of my buddies have found a portal that leads to, what we can only assume, is another reality. Unfortunately, it's nowhere big enough to let even a single one of us through it, and even it was we have no idea where it goes or if there would be any way back. At some point you ask yourself "when I die, what do I want to leave behind?", and strangely enough we seem to be in a position to make that choice for an entire world, for a species that's lived thousands of years and whose hubris may very well be the cause of it of destroying itself. After much discussion between me and my friends we decided what to pass on to another world, if not so they can learn from us then at least so we can take some small comfort in being remembered.

Now while most people would probably send inventions, scientific formulas, political ideas, or philosophies we decided to send entertainment. This might seem like an odd choice, but we came to the conclusion that entertainment and stories reflect our societies' values, or perhaps critique and rage against them. Sometimes a chapter from a story or a character's development over the course of it can convey an idea or a belief better than some guy standing behind a podium giving a lecture.

With that in mind, please enjoy an incredibly subjective collection of what me and my pals feel is some of the best entertainment our civilization has to offer. I hope you have the technology and courtesy to watch it.

Sincerely,

A small handful of the Humans of Planet Earth

P.S. We have no idea if all of these packages are going to the same place. And hey, if it turns out we're not dead, maybe we'll send you guys more! Wouldn't that be nice?

For at least a minute, the whole room was silent.

"Well, I certainly didn't expect to read anything like this today," Discord quipped.

"A whole world... a whole species, one that lasted thousands of years, just... gone..." Starlight muttered in utter shock.

"H-Hey, maybe it's not so bad? I mean, they said it looked like it was going to be the end of the world, not that it was. M-Maybe they can bounce back?" Spike suggested, hoping to clear the mood.

Twilight opened up the box and was surprised to find objects she recognized. "These... are devices I saw in the alternate Equestria!" she exclaimed as she pulled them out. "This is a television. And this is a DVD player." A terrible thought just crossed her mind. "Spike, Starlight, take all of these things out, I need to check on something!"

Without waiting for a response she teleported away with a flash, leaving the rest to pull out the items from inside. One of them was a case of something with a title written on it.

Red vs Blue

On the back was a short description.

Two groups of soldiers fight each other (and occasionally the other team) in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. At least, that's how it starts...

"That's... a strange synopsis," Starlight muttered.

Discord, on the other hoof, smiled widely. "Oh, this sounds fun!"

A moment later Twilight teleported back in, smiling in relief.

"Where'd you go Twilight?" Spike asked.

"The technology and the things described in the letter reminded me of the other Equestria, especially the parts about the humans, so I wrote a letter to Sunset Shimmer to ask if everything was ok. It turns out, though there are some similarities, she says their world isn't in as nearly bad a shape as the way I described the world the package was from," she explained.

"Oh, good. Yeah, they kinda sound kind of the same."

"Still, it is pretty sad to think any world is in such a bad state," she said before picking up the devices. "It's a real shame, but I don't think we have the technology to run these."

"Oh don't you worry your purple pony princess head, I'll handle that," Discord assured her. "But first-" a snap of his paw seven other figures appeared in the room, all of them falling. Discord caught Fluttershy before she hit the floor, while Pinkie somehow managed to land gracefully. Everpony else crashed to the floor.

"Ugh, what the hay happened?" Rainbow Dash asked, rubbing her head.

"Only the best thing ever!" Discord replied before snapping his claw sent them all into a large room in the palace, thankfully with no falls this time. Couches and snacks snacks already laid out.

"Discord, what is the meaning of this?" Celestia asked firmly.

Discord simply pointed to Twilight. With all heads turned to her she chuckled nervously for a moment before beginning to explain.

"Goodness gracious. Then this may be all that survived from an entire world?" Rarity asked in shock.

"Woo wee. That's some story, Ah'll tell ya what," Applejack added, still trying to process everything.

"Such a sad tale. They sound like such a prosperous people, and for them to destroy themselves by what could be avoided from what it sounds," Celestia commented.

"So dreadful," Luna agreed.

"I... I think we owe it to them to watch this," Twilight began. "From the sounds of things they may not have been great leaders or thinkers of their world, but they at least had the forethought to try and do something. I think we should honor that."

The rest of the group agreed, except for Discord who was busy sandpapering his nails. "Are you done with the mashies yet? Good, now let's get started!"

"What about you, Princesses? Don't you have things to get done?" Starlight asked.

"Nothing pressing, and after the events of the Crystal Empire, I personally could use a break," Luna replied.

"Agreed," Celestia added.

"I'll get the snacks!" Pinkie declared before zipping away in a puff of smoke.

"And I've already set the rest up! You're all very welcome," Discord said with a bow, the two devices plugged into an outlet that clearly wasn't there before.

"Well, I guess there's just one thing left to do: Sit and watch," Spike said.

Pinkie arrived with some cupcakes, popcorn, and potato chips a moment later. Everyone took a spot on the couches, while Twilight levitated the first disc into the DVD player and hit "play".

Why Are We Here?

The first image on screen was a black screen with a peculiar logo in the center: the silhouette of a rooster next to some wind up gag teeth. The text "Rooster Teeth Presents" below it, accompanied by some quick guitar riffs.

"'Rooster Teeth?' What's that?" Rainbow asked.

"As a farmer Ah can say with Ah'm pretty certain that rooster's don't have teeth," Applejack added.

"I think it's the name of the company, darlings," Rarity explained.

"I like it!" Pinkie declared.

The text then disappeared to be replaced by "RED vs BLUE, Season 1".

"How many season are there?" Spike asked.

"Um, I count... wow, fourteen discs," Twilight answered.

"You mean there's fourteen seasons?"

"I think so."

The black screen gave way to a shot of some kind of stone structure. The camera then panned up to see two bipedal figures standing next to each other, looking in the same direction. They were completely covered in armor, their helmets having a large yellow visor covering most of where there faces would be. the only discernible difference between them was one was orange and the other was maroon.

"Hey," the maroon one began, turning to the being next to him.

"Yeah?" the other asked, turning back.

"You ever wonder why we're here?"

"It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of... some cosmic coincidence, or... is there really a God? Watching everything? Y'know, with a plan for us and stuff? I dunno, man. But it keeps me up at night."

The two figures bobbed their heads up and down when they talked, the only real clear indication of who was talking. The two continued to stare at each other in silence.

"Philosophical discussion on the nature of existence was not what I expected to see from this," Luna commented.

"Wait for it," Discord said.

"What? I meant why are we out here, in this canyon?" the maroon one said.

"There it is," Discord said with a smile.

"Ha! Classic! Set up something then pull the rug right out from under the viewer's hooves," Pinkie commented.

"Oh, uh... yeah."

"What was all the stuff about God?"

"Uh... hm? Nothing," the orange one said quickly, clearly wanting to forget anything was said.

"... You want to talk about it?"

"No," the orange one said quickly.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out."

"Mhmm."

"The only reason that we set up a red base here, is because they have a blue base over there. And the only reason they have a blue base over there, is because we have a red base here."

"Wait, so they're supposed to be soldiers?" Rainbow asked.

"They don't sound very professional," Starlight added.

"I think they're just bored. Shiny would always tell me that the guards would just talk to kill time when they were standing guard with nothing happening," Twilight commented.

"Yeah, that's because we're fighting each other," the orange one answered.

"No no, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today and they were to come take our base, they'd would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking-doo."

The group recoiled a bit, except for Discord who smiled wider, at the profanity. Some like the Princesses were just slightly surprised, while those like Rarity or Fluttershy gasped in disgust or shock.

"How vulgar!" Rarity chided.

"Uh, Spike, maybe you better not be here for this," Twilight said nervously.

"Why? They're not saying anything I haven't heard before," the replied.

"Wait, what!?" Twilight asked angrily. "Where did you learn that word!? Was it from your comics!?"

"Not Twilight, it was from you."

The room went silent again.

"WHAT!?" Twilight practically screeched.

"Oh, this is great!" Discord said, sticking a straw into the popcorn bucket and sipping the confection as his attention was drawn to the new show happening in front of him.

"Hey, leave some for the rest of us!" Pinkie complained.

"Dang Twi, Ah didn't know you had a mouth on ya!" Applejack quipped.

"I don't! Spike, don't lie!"

"I'm not lying, Twilight, it's just... I didn't want to embarrass you."

"Embarrass me?"

Spike sighed. "Remember that time you got the updated Canterlot Dictionary, and you wanted my help to check to see what the differences were with the new update? Page by page? Word by word? Even the pronunciations?"

"... Oh."

"Oh, Twilight," Celestia groaned, shaking her head but unable to keep an amused smirk from her lips.

"Wait, I don't get it," Rainbow Dash said.

"Darling, you know what dictionary is, right?" Rarity asked.

"Duh! I'm not an idiot, Rarity!" Rainbow replied indignantly. "It's a book with every word in the Equestrian language."

"Yes, Darling. Every word. And with the definitions of all those words."

"... Oh."

"Let's continue watching, shall we?" Luna asked, direction everyone's attention back to the screen.

"Oh my. I hope there's not too much swearing in the future," Fluttershy whispered.

"I wouldn't hold my breath," Twilight muttered.

"What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys."

The camera then changed to show two more soldiers in armor identical to the two from before aside from the colors. One was a cobalt blue, while the other was aqua. Both were standing on a cliff a decent distance away from the red base with the cobalt one looking through a long device, the two other soldiers in his sights.

"What is that?" Starlight asked.

"Oh, I saw pictures of these when I was in the other Equestria. They're called 'guns', and they're weapons," Twilight explained. "They come in a lots of different shapes and sizes. They're basically miniature cannons. I think the minotaurs have their own versions of them."

"Judging by it's length I'd say that one is meant to shoot enemies from far away," Celestia surmised.

"Hope he doesn't shoot one of them," Pinkie said. "You can't have a main character die at the beginning of a series unless the rest is told in flashback."

"What are they doing?" the aqua one asked.

"What?" the cobalt one replied, lowering his weapon.

"I said, what are they doing now?"

"Goddamn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!"

"Well, he certainly sounds like the irritable type," Rarity chided.

"Well, it sounds like he's been putting up with it for a while," Fluttershy commented, trying to give the man the benefit of the doubt.

"You have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit! Don't bitch at me, because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick."

"Wow, he's got a mouth," Applejack commented.

"Okay, look. There just standing there and talking, okay? That's al they're doing. That's all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So five minutes from now when you ask me 'What are they doing?' my answer's gonna be: "They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there."

"... What are they talking about?"

"You know what? I fucking hate you."

"Snarky, early irritated, annoyed with incompetence. I think I found your soulmate, Princess Snarkle!" Discord teased.

"Oh, be quiet," Twilight replied, rolling her eyes.

"See!? You're made for each other!"

Twilight groaned loudly. Much to her dismay, many of her friends giggled. Even Celestia had to try and suppress her smirk.

The camera shifted back to the two red team soldiers from before.

"Talk about a waste of resources," the orange one complained. "I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life. Y'know, fight them."

"Yeah, no shit. That' why they should put us in charge."

The camera then showed another soldier in red armor near the bottom of the base.

"Ladies! Front and center on the double!" he shouted in a gruff voice.

"Fuck," the maroon one muttered under his breath.

"Yes, sir!" the orange one called back before the screen went to black.

"Aww! That's it?" Pinkie complained.

"Guess these episodes are pretty short," Starlight commented.

"Quick, start the next the next one. Maybe we can get through the first season today," Rainbow said.

"Looks like it's starting itself," Twilight said as they all prepared for the next episode.

Red Gets a Delivery

The episode starts with the two red team soldiers jogging over to the gruff-talking red soldier from before.

"Hurry up, ladies. This ain't no ice-cream social," he orders.

"'Ice-cream social?'" the maroon one asks.

"Oh, I should really hold another one of those soon!" Pinkie declared.

"'Another one?' How come I've never heard of you doing one before?" Spike asked.

"It's mostly for the kids."

"Right. So, how come I've never heard of you doing one before?" he asked again.

"We'll, you've been so busy helping Twilight, I didn't want to distract you."

"Aww."

"Don't worry Spike, you can go to the next one," Twilight assured him.

"Thanks, Twilight!"

In the bottom left corner of the screen some text came up reading "red vs blue, Episode 2." The second half then disappeared to be replaced with "Red Gets a Delivery."

"Oh hey, episode titles," Twilight said.

"What was the last episode called?" Rainbow asked.

Twilight took a pick at the inside of the case, seeing an episode list.

"It was, uh... 'Why Are We Here?'"

"Sounds about right."

"Stop the pillow talk, you two," the officer continued. "Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here... today?"

"Uh... Is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?" the orange one asked.

"That's exactly it, Private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero, and we're gonna a parade in your honor," the officer said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I get to drive the float. And Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"

"Jeez pal, can you lay it on any thicker?" Rainbow asked.

"I just realized something. We just found out one of their names," Starlight said.

"Oh hey, that's right! So the maroon was is... Simmons?" Applejack asked, trying to sound out the name.

"I've never heard a name like that before," Rarity commented.

"Neither have we," Luna added.

"Interesting. And entirely alien naming system. I wonder if there's any reasoning behind it," Twilight pondered alound.

"We can ruminate on that later, Twilight. Let's just continue for now," Celestia said.

"I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir," the orange one replied.

"Goddamn it, Private! Shut your mouth, or else I'll have Simmons here slit your throat while you're asleep!"

"WHAT!?" Twilight shouted.

"Oh my!" Rarity gasped.

"Oh, I'd do it, too," Simmons added.

"WHAT!?" Starlight screeched.

"Oh my!" Flutterhsy whimpered.

"I know drill sergeants are supposed to abrasive, but this is a bit much," Celestia said.

"And for his subordinate to agree with him so readily. Is this normal behavior in their culture?" Luna asked.

"I know you would, Simmons. Good man. Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."

"Crap. We're getting a rookie," the orange one complained.

"That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week. But today, we receive the first part of our shipment from Command." The red armored man then turned around. "Lopez. Bring out the vehicle."

In response to his order another soldier, this one wearing brown armor, drove a four wheeled vehicle with a large gun on the back over a hill and into vision.

"Shotgun!" Simmons quickly exclaimed.

"Shotgun!" the orange said a moment after, only to realize he was too late. "Fuck."

"What is that?" Applejack asked.

"Oh, I've seen these! These are 'cars,' official name 'automobile'," Twilight explained. "They're everywhere in the human Equestria, come in all shapes, sizes and colors, and are propelled by a complex system of machinery powered by a combustion engine!"

"You mean like a train?" Starlight asked.

"Yes, but they don't need tracks."

"Wow."

"May I introduce our new light reconnaissance vehicle. It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine-gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV!"

Applejack whistled in appreciation. "Ah may not one of them engineering types, but that sounds impressive to me."

"It sounds pretty cool! It looks pretty fast, has armor, and has a weapon on it!" Rainbow Dash added.

"Sister, I may be something of a magical traditionalist, but maybe we should start investing some more of the royal funds into technological research," Luna whispered.

"Indeed. That looks like quite the deadly weapon. An army of those could cause Equestria serious trouble, and the other nations have been more focused on technology," Celestia agreed. "Maybe we should schedule some diplomatic meetings in the near future."

"I like to call it the 'Warthog.'"

"Why 'Warthog', sir?" Simmons asked.

"Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son."

"As a good a reason as any, I suppose," Rarity said.

"No, but... Why 'Warthog'? It doesn't really look like a pig," the orange one explained.

"Say that again?" the officer asked.

"I think it looks more like a puma."

"Hm... I can see that," Fluttershy commented.

"What in Sam Hill is a puma?"

"Uh, you mean like the shoe company?" Simmons asked.

"No, like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion," the orange one explained.

"... You're making that up," the red one said.

"Uh, no he isn't," Fluttershy said.

"Seriously, even I know what a puma is," Spike added.

"I'm telling you, it's a real animal!"

"Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal."

"Yes, sir!" Simmons replied.

"Threats of violence for disagreeing with him. The behavior of any tyrant," Celestia said angrily.

"And we've finally got another name," Starlight said.

"'Grif', huh? For some reason, even his name annoys me," Rainbow commented.

"Look, see these two tow hooks?" the officer said, walking over to the front of the vehicle. "They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?"

"A walrus," Grif answered.

"Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals!?"

Pinkie and Discord chuckled at that.

"Wow. Just wow," Spike said in disbelief.

"Does he not know anything not related to the military?" Twilight asked.

The scene shifted to the two blue team soldiers spying on them from the cliff.

"What is that thing?" the Aqua one asked.

"I don't know. It looks like, uh, Looks like they got some kind of car down there," the other one answered, lowering his weapon. "We better get back to base and report it."

"A car? How come they get a car?"

"What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop."

"Really! Awesome!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Figures you'd get excited for that," Applejack said with a smile.

"Hay yeah! I wonder what tanks look like in this world? The minotaur tanks are pretty much just carriages with cannons and some armor plating.

"You can't pick up chicks in a tank," the Aqua one complained.

"Really, dear? That's your concern?" Rarity deadpanned.

"Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything, couldn't you? We're gonna get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in car that looks like that?"

"What kind of car is it?"

The cobalt one raised his rifle again. "I don't know, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a, uh... like a big cat of some kind."

"... What, like a puma?"

"Yeah man, there you go."

Everyone laughed at that.

"Oh, the writing in this is great!" Discord said, taking a bite out of his soda.

The scene shifted back to the reds.

"So unless anybody has any more mythical to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're gonna stick with the 'Warthog.' How about it, Grif? the red one asked, his tone seeming to ask for the private to say something for an excuse to hit him.

"No, sir. No more suggestions," Grif replied, sounding defeated.

"Are you sure? How 'bout Big Foot?"

"It's okay."

"Unicorn?"

"Wait, what?" Twilight and Starlight both asked at the same time.

"Check it out, Starlight! You and Rarity are mythical creatures!" Pinkie said.

"Considering that he thinks walruses and a pumas aren't real, I wouldn't be too sure of that," Rarity scoffed.

"Then again, most of the species in this world are only myths in the alternate Equestria, that might be the case here, too," Twilight commented.

"No, really. I'm-I'm cool."

"Sasquatch?"

"Leprechaun?" Simmons suggested.

"Hey, he doesn't need any help, man," Grif chided.

"Phoenix?" the red one suggested.

Grif groaned. "Christ."

"Hey, Simmons! What's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats?"

"Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir," Simmons answered.

"Hey, Grif! Chupathingy, how 'bout that? I like it. Got a ring to it," he said sarcastically before the screen cut to black.

"I like it! I'm voting for that one!" Pinkie declared.

"So we've got Simmons, Grif, and Lopez," Twilight said. "Hopefully we'll learn the names of the others before long.

"Especially considering we're about to get another cast member soon," Starlight added.

"Until he gets and official name, Ah'm just gonna call the red leader 'Sarge,'" Applejack said.

"These episodes are going by fast," Spike commented.

"Yeah. Maybe we'll be done with the first season in an hour or so," Rainbow added as the next episode started.