Dazzle: The Movie

by CGPH

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Dazzlings, Comedy, Equestria Girls
Length: 2790

The Dazzlings are having a movie made about them, but can't agree on who they want to play them.

Adagio, Aria and Sonata have finally hit the big time; they're having a movie made about them! All they need to do now is figure out who's going to play them... should be simple enough... right?

(Inspired by a conversation between me and ForBloodySummer, proofread by him.)

Published 2016-10-28 18:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-28 18:40:01 UTC

Dazzle, Blaze and Dusk

The door to the Dazzling's home, Apartment 69 of Joemama House, was practically kicked down.
“IT HAS HAPPENED!”

Adagio Dazzle strutted triumphantly inside. Within seconds, her sisters were by her side.

“Did you get our magic back?”

“You got lunch?!”

“You found the way back to Equestria?”

“WE’RE GETTING A PUPPY?!”

Adagio took a step back and handed them each a brown paper bag.

“Better. Unpack these groceries. I’ll be waiting for you both in the living room.”

Excited by the prospect of good news, the siren siblings quickly obeyed their sister’s command. Soon the groceries were neatly packed away and the three of them were all seated opposite one another in the living room. Adagio sneered at her sisters’ eager eyes.

“Well, what is it 'Dagi?” Sonata asked excitedly.

Adagio gave a low, triumphant laugh.

“I’ve been discovered.”

Aria frowned.

“Someone knows you’re a siren?”

She tutted, rolling her eyes.

“Ohohoho, no. Don't be idiotic. What I meant was, somebody finally appreciates me for the marvel that I am.”

Sonata gasped, pointing an accusing finger at her

"She's got a boyfriend!”

“What? No, I do not, I-”

She gasped again, louder.

“A girlfriend!”

“Sonata!”

“Oh my gosh, she has!”

“Sonata I, ugh, no… okay, shut up.”

Struggling to keep a grip over the excitement coursing through her veins, Adagio took a moment regained her composure.

“Girls… I’m sure you both know my job?”

“Collecting tables at Donut Joe’s," Aria nodded.

“Which is a crummy job, if you ask me!” Sonata interrupted, “I mean, where would you put them all when you’re done? Tables can’t just fit into your pocket, y’know!”

Aria punched herself in the forehead.

“I hope, for my genes’ sake, that you’re adopted.”

“That’s not nice,” Sonata frowned.

“I’m not nice.”

“Girls,” Adagio said sternly, “... are you going to keep interrupting me?”

Identically, the younger sisters rolled their eyes.

“Go on, Adagio."
"Sorry, 'Dagi."

Satisfied, Adagio smiled and continued.

“So, you may recall I told you about the handsome-looking English guy who comes in? The one with the suit, always talking on his little earpiece thingy?”

“The one you’re always dropping spoons in front of?” Aria asked.

“Yes.”

“You’ve mentioned him.”

“Well, as it turns out..." Adagio smirked, reeling them in. “I might just so happened to have been eavesdropping on one of his calls… And discovered that he is, in fact, actually a movie producer…”

Adagio's story was stomped when Aria groaned, throwing her arms into the air.

“Aw, not this again, Adagio!”

“Whatever are you talking about? I haven’t even said anything yet!” she held her hands up in defense.

“Lemme guess!” Aria rolled her eyes, “You showed him the script you’ve been writing? Probably while sitting on his lap and whispering about how much you'd do anything to make it happen?”

Adagio smirked mischievously, looking away.

“Maybe.”

Aria shook her head.

“You’re an embarrassment... But, what did he say?”

At this, Adagio’s eyes flickered up and she released another cheeky grin.

"Why, he loved it.”

Aria’s mood faltered, as her pained expression was replaced with one of surprise, then uncertainty.

“Wait, really?”

Adagio’s grin grew ever wider.

“He’s going to pitch it to the studio and he wants us on board as advisers.”

Aria's eyes grew into something wide and hopeful.

“You’re serious?”

“For realzies?” Sonata asked.

Adagio turned on her younger sister with an almost predatory grin.

“Oh, for realzies.”

Aria launched herself up.

“This is amazing... This is our chance to make something of ourselves! We don’t need those damned gems to be adored anymore, we can be famous instead!”

Adagio smiled.

“Oh, I know.”

“This is the best thing that’s happened to us since we discovered Equestrian magic!”

“You’re welcome.”

“This is the start of the rest of our lives! Heck - you’ve seen how popular movie actors are these days, if we can get this to work we’ll rule the world!”

“No need to thank me.”

“This is amazing, this is fantastic, this is-“

“It's strange seeing you so happy, I don’t think I like it,” Sonata grimaced.

Aria frowned and smacked her sister on the side of her head.

“That better?”

“Yes,” she smiled.

Aria reeled herself in, still beaming, and sat back down.

“This is amazing. So what do we have to do?”

“Huh?”

“Like, what do we have to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“What’s our job as advisers, Adagio?”

“Ohhhh….” her face dropped slightly. “…Oh. Erm… We, advise?”

“Advise who?”

“Advise… the film making… people.”

“What about?”

“… the film.”

“What about the film?”

“….”

“You don’t know what our job is, do you?”

“I admit, I do not.”

Aria groaned.

“Did he mention anything about what we’d be doing?”

Adagio thought to recall for a second.

“Well, he said we’d get a say in just about everything if the film got green lit… Casting, wardrobe, merchandise… everything, really.”

“Casting?” Aria asked.

“Merchandise!?” Sonata asked even louder.

Adagio nodded.

“So, we aren’t playing ourselves then?” Aria frowned.

Adagio rolled her eyes knowingly.

“Aria, not all of us are trained Shakespearean actors. You’d be fine, but me and Sonata have never acted a day in our life, you can’t expect us to headline a major Hollywood production.”

Aria sighed, nodding.

“Guess not. You got any ideas?”

“For casting?”

She nodded.

Adagio thought for a second.

Truth be told, she was that ecstatic to brag about the news, she hadn't considered it much herself.

“Haven’t really had chance to think about it, honestly.”

“Well, let’s do that then, as advisers,” Aria suggested. “Let’s try and figure out who we want to cast.”

“And then merchandise?” Sonata asked.

Aria nodded, “And then we’ll do merchandise.”

Sonata squealed excitedly.

“I am soooooo getting a Sonata Dusk Funko Pop!”

Adagio coughed. Only, it wasn't a cough, it was the 'shut up and look at me do something impressive' noise that she had trained her sisters to respond to.

“Now then girls, first and foremost, I think it’s obvious who should play me.”

Her younger sisters exchanged glances.

“Who?” Sonata asked.

Adagio rolled her eyes.

“Helena-Bonham Carter! She’s seductive, intimidating, and you’ve seen her hair, she’s just like me.”

Aria let out a small groan.

Adagio cocked an eyebrow.

“You disagree?”

“Ehhh…” Aria shrugged. “She’s getting a bit old now, Dagi. Twenty years ago? Sure. Plus, she’s too crazy for you. She’s a psychopath, you’re just a sadist, and there is a difference.”

Adagio pouted. “She could tone it down a little, I’m sure... Plus they could make her look younger! You’ve seen what the humans can do with all their interwebs these days.”

Aria shook her head, “I still think it’d be easier to find someone different.”

“Oh, oh, do me next!” Sonata squealed.

“Hang on, we haven’t finished with me yet,” Adagio whined.

“We can come back to you, think about who else you want.” She turned to her younger sister, “Right… so we need somebody blonde and annoying…”

“Why blonde? I’m not blonde! Am I? Oh my gosh, am I? Has my life been a lie?!” Sonata began to panic.

“Will you shut up!?” Aria snapped. “Blue isn’t a natural hair style, these are real people playing us. And you act ditzy anyway, so blonde’s perfect for you.”

“It’s Muffins,” Sonata corrected.

“What?”

“She’s not called Ditzy anymore, her name is Muffins now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Muffins.”

“What?”

“You said I act like her, which I don’t, by the way.”

“Sonata, I’mma ‘bout to slap a bit-“

“ANYWAY,” Adagio butted in, “what were you saying Aria?”

Aria scowled at her younger sister a moment longer before thinking. “We need someone blonde, annoying and a massive idiot to play her…” Her eyes lit up. “I know just the girl!”

“Who?” Her sisters asked.

“Hilary Clinton.”

Adagio gasped. “You leave that magnificence woman out of your right-wing, conservative agenda Aria!”

Sonata sighed. “I miss Bernie.”

“We aren’t getting into this again,” Adagio scolded her group. “Think about it properly, who could play a good Sonata?”

Aria pursed her lips. “What about that one girl, from that film?”

“Oh I know just the one you mean,” Adagio rolled her eyes.

“Really? Cause she didn’t give you a lot to go on, gosh, you’re so smart, Dagi,” Sonata smiled.

“I wish mother ate you.”

“That’s not nice.”

“I’m no-”

“Which girl did you mean, Aria?” Adagio’s eye twitched.

“From Mean Girls, I forget her name.”

“Lindsey Lohan?” Adagio looked to Sonata.

“Noooo… but she could work too, actually.”

“I don’t think so, she’s too good looking,” Adagio shook her head.

“Hey!”

“Which one did you mean originally?” she continued

“The really dumb one.”

“Hey!”

“Karen?”

“Yeah!”

“I don’t know her actress’ name, but I can see what you mean, that could work,” Adagio nodded. “I’ll write her a note down. Which just leaves you, Aria.”

“Pfftt please,” Aria shrugged. “We all know who’d be playing me.”

“Who?” Adagio asked.

“That model chick.”

“Again, that doesn’t massively narrow it down, if I’m honest with you.”

“The one with the eyebrows.”

Adagio frowned. “Cara Delavigne?”

Sonata gasped. “Oh my gosh! I can totally see it.”

Aria nodded and pulled a smug grin.

“See? She knows what I’m talking about.”

Adagio nodded and continued quietly, “I can see what you mean. I don’t know why, but I see it.”

Aria grinned. “Guess it’s my BAMF attitude. And you know, she is a model, so makes sense really.”

Adagio laughed, shaking her head. “You are so up yourself.”

Aria clicked her fingers and winked at her big sister. “Learned from the best.”

“Which brings it back around to me...” Adagio nodded. “Honestly, I can’t think of anyone else but the goddess herself.”

“Hmmmm…” Aria thought for a moment. “What about Kazumi Evans? She’s a lot younger.”

Adagio scoffed. “Yeah, and has no resemblance to me whatsoever.”

“Miley Cyrus?” Sonata asked.

“Does she still act?” Aria asked.

Sonata shrugged. “She could pull off Dagi’s scary side, and we know she can sing.”

“She’s got a point,” Aria nodded.

“Ehhh… I don’t know… I mean, her hair is nothing like mine.”

“She could wear a wig?”

“It’s not really the same though…” Adagio pouted.

“You just want Helena to play you, don’t you?”

“…yes.”

Aria shook her head. “Fine, whatever.”

“Yay, that’s everyone!” Sonata clapped her hands.

“Helena Botham-Carter, Cara Delavigne and Karen, not a bad line up,” Adagio nodded proudly.

“You know her name isn’t actually Karen, right?” Aria asked.

“Well, I don’t know her real name. Find it out, use the Google,” Adagio waved her hand at Aria’s phone.

Aria snorted. “The Google, never gets old.”

“Just search the name!”

“I am, I am!” Aria laughed as she scrolled through her phone. “Okay, found it. The actress is called Amanda Seyfried.”

“Seyfried?” Sonata asked.

Aria nodded.

“That’s a weird name, I don’t like it. Pick a different one for me,” Sonata pouted.

Aria frowned. “We can’t just change your actress because you don’t like her name!”

“But Adagio’s one got three names!”

“It’s a double barrel actually, Bonham-Carter counts as one,” Adagio corrected her.

“That’s cheating.”

“How is it cheating!?” Aria snapped.

“You don’t get to add in an extra name and say it counts as one. If that’s how it works, then I want to be played by Amanda Seyfried-Sanders”.

Aria frowned, “Sanders?”

Adagio groaned.

“If this is another Bernie reference, I swear-”

“It’s a KFC reference, actually! Not my fault Bernie based his name off of the best fried chicken restaurant in the US, the guy clearly just has good taste for secret recipe herbs and spices.”

Aria turned to Adagio.

“What do you think the world looks like in her mind?”

“Millions of voices crying out in terror, wishing to be silenced.”

“Sounds like bliss,” Aria nodded solemnly.

“So, we’ve got,” Adagio looked down at the paper she’d been writing on, “Helena Bonham-Carter, Cara Delavigne and Amanda Seyfried.”

“Seyfried-Sanders.”

“Sonata, I will cut you.”

“Seyfried it is.”

“Is there anyone else we need to cast?” Aria asked. “I mean, presumably it’s not just us in the movie.”

Adagio grinned. “Actually, there are more: The Rainblossoms. But luckily, I already have the perfect people in mind.”

“Really?” Aria sounded impressed.

Adagio nodded.

“Because, I mean, you’d have to find some pretty annoying people to play them...”

“Yep.”

“They’d need to be annoying, but somehow manage to be boring at the same time.”

“Of course.”

“Somebody who does what it says on the tin, you know, what you see is what you get.”

“Naturally.”

“Annoying, boring and predictable… so who’d you pick?”

“Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones.”

Aria nodded.

“What about the rest of the girls?”

Adagio paused and frowned.

“There were more than four?”

Aria shrugged. “I don’t even know.”

“It doesn’t matter, no one will notice,” Adagio shook her head, scribbling the names down.

“So, can we have a look at the script?” Sonata asked.

Adagio’s smile shrank.

“You know I don’t like you girls reading my writing…” she said humbly.

“Come on, Dagi, we’ll be nice!” Sonata smiled.

“Yeaaah, plus you kinda need to show us now, if this really is happening,” Aria nodded.

Adagio rolled her eyes. “I guess…”

Adagio leaned over to her purse and unfurled a paper script out of it.

“Wait, why did you take a copy of it with you to work?” Sonata asked.

Adagio smiled. “You never know when opportunity may strike.”

“Hey, hang on!” Sonata snapped. “Why’s it called Dazzle: The Movie? Why is it only named after you?”

Adagio waved her off. “It’s short for Dazzlings.”

“Which is named after you,” Aria nodded. “You named the band after yourself.”

“Yes,” Adagio nodded. “So it’s representative of us as a group, and of me on my own, since I’m the main character.”

Aria snorted.

“You are not the main character.”

Adagio frowned. “I’m the leader?”

“So?” Aria asked. “Picard is the Captain of the Enterprise, but he’s just one of many characters that make up the show, doesn’t automatically make him the main one.”

“Who is the what?”

“Yeaaah, you lost me on that one too Aria,” Sonata nodded.

Aria groaned and shook her head. “You aren’t the main character. We come in a three piece set.”

“Tell that to the toy line,” Adagio mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Adagio waved her off. “Lemme guess then, what would you find a preferable title? Just Blaze? That might attract the wrong kind of audience, if you ask me.”

“Or the right kind,” Aria gave a cheeky grin.

Adagio pointed an accusing finger at her younger sister. “Stop it, I’ve told you about those jokes.”

“I’m kiddingggggg!” Aria held her hands up. “And no, I’m not saying it should called Blaze. What about Dazzle, Blaze and Dusk?”

Adagio shook her head. “That’s too long, and then you can’t have The Movie in the title.”

“Do we need The Movie in the title? I mean, it’s going to be pretty obvious they’re watching a movie anyway,” Sonata contributed.

“It just sounds better,” Adagio shrugged.

“What about The Dazzlings: The Movie then?” Aria asked.

“You can’t have The twice!”

“What about The Dazzlings Movie?” Sonata asked.

“That could work,” Aria nodded.

“Ehhh, I’m not sure,” Adagio shook her head.

“You always do this!” Aria groaned. “You always just go Ehhhh and sound uncomfortable. Be honest, are you actually going to change the name of the movie after this discussion?”

Adagio shrugged. “Probably not.”

“You’re so self-centered,” Aria shook her head.

“You know it doesn’t work as an insult if I embrace it, right?” Adagio asked.

“It wasn’t an insult, it was a statement,” Aria spat.

“So we’re sticking to Dazzle: The Movie, then?” Sonata deflated.

Adagio nodded. “Sorry sweetheart, if you wanted your name in the title, you should have done some of the work.”

“…Adagio?” Aria asked, looking up from the script book.

“Hmm?”

“This the plot of Avatar: The Last Airbender?”

“Yes.”

“…but from the point of view of Princess Azula?”

Adagio shrugged. “And?”

Aria nodded, “Fair play.”

“I’m so excited,” Sonata squealed.

“This is looking good,” Aria held up the script. “This could mean something.”

“You’re welcome,” Adagio began checking her nails.

Aria smiled. “Thank you, Adagio, really.”

“Thank you Dagiiiii!” Sonata pulled the group into a hug.

“So, one more question?” Aria asked.

“Mmhmm?”

“You haven’t actually told us anything about him, who is this film producer? Is he big?”

Adagio smiled. “Oh, he’s a great guy, always gives me loads of attention when he comes in. He’s called Ben Dover.”

“Wait, what?”

“Sounds familiar,” Sonata mused.

Author's Note

Bonus points for any artists/photoshoppers who can turn Helena, Cara and Amanda into The Dazzlings