Faggots' Days with Monster Gurls

As the snoweth hath fallen 'round me, I did awake to the sound of a male muttering to himself as he loomed over me. Mine own vision wast blurred but I wast able to maketh out his form as that he wast examining some strange, rectangular metal device that radiate glow ever so gently. Compared to the denizens of the Painted World he wast frail, short and whey-face as snoweth; that undead didn’t seem liketh an Undead Warrior, but looks art oft deceiving.

With all the grace and might I couldst muster, I hath tried to standeth up only to stumble backeth and slam into the mure behind me.

“Hey, take it easy. You okay, it looks like you made a dent into the brick wall. Do you need an ambulance or anything?” The stranger hath asked me, feigning concern most likely, as that undead tooketh a step back as I did arise from the cold surface. The deceptive brute wast stunned at mine own size and stature, it wast of nay surprise, nay doubteth unaware of who is't that man did dare to dare.

“Halt Undead One, I commandeth thou to not maketh a foot to me. ” I commanded with a stern expression, 'long with a well practiced tone to expresseth mine authority. Stopping the naive man in his tracks, though to mine own surprise, yond undead hath seemed more bewildered than fearful.

“I assure you, I’m not Undead I just want to help. You were lying unconscious on the ground, I thought you might be hurt or something.” The cowardly undead defended thineself, hoping to maketh a fool of I, by into dropping mine own guard; instead, I picked up mine own scythe and readied myself. Thankfully, that undead hath seemed mortified at how easily I wielded mine own weapon.  “Woah...Hey, I’m not trying to hurt you or anything…” That undead hath continued, stepping backeth with raised hands and genuine feareth.

“If thou truly desire to not bringeth harm to I, then I beg of thee, leaveth I be and hurry home. ” I did request, hoping to the avoideth of pointless bloodshed.

“I can’t just leave you out here alone at night, you might be concussed or worse; I can just call an ambulance if you want.” The undead reasoned in his poor imitation of the language of Lord Gwyn, gesturing to the bizarre device in his grasp as that undead back'd off near a discarded, transparent container left on the snow covered surface and did stay there.

“I’m in nay needeth of this ‘ambulance’ of yond thee speaketh, I request to knoweth where thou hath taken mine self.” I did exclaim as I scoured the narrow, dark and cluttered passage for any recognizable features or markers. Only to beest stunned at the absence of familiarity.

“Me? I just found you lying there in the snow, I thought you’d passed out on the way home. Look, do you need to call someone? You look like you could use some help.” The minuscule undead claimed, growing more worried and did confuse by mine own statements then aught else; despite the untrustworthy nature of the undead, I beganeth to doubt the seemingly harmless undead wast capable of teleporting myself somewhere else entirely.

“Hm. . .  Thee lack a powerful soul. Thee couldst not been able to transport me to another parteth of Ariamis, but how can I believeth yond thou art not planning to harmeth I?” I did question, still doubtful of the altruistic purposes of the lone Undead.

“Look at it like this, you’re a towering, extremely strong, scythe carrying giantess and the most combat experience I have is watching people shoot lasers at each other; If I wanted to die that badly I’d just shot myself or something. I don’t want to hurt you, please trust me.” The tiny, frail Undead seemed honest, his blatant phrasing causing me to grin slightly; his statement paired with his benign soul eased my unrest.

“Despite your boorish tongue, I believe you’re speaking truthfully...Very well, do you at least know where in Ariamis we are?” I inquired, praying I was right to believe the Undead, causing him to sigh with relief as he approached me.

“I’ve never heard of ‘Ariamis’ but I can tell you we’re in America.” The stranger began, and continued to inform me of the strange, unheard of land I found myself within; his lack of knowledge about my home was disconcerting.

“Thank you...This is all quite sudden...Tell me, Undead, what is your name?” I thanked, before questioning.

“My friends call me Red, short for Redshirt, what about you?” Red introduced himself with a small smile, to which I returned one of my own.

“You may call me Priscilla.” I told him with a small nod and grin.

“Nice to meet you, and to no longer have a massive scythe pointed at me.” Red began, elated that he wasn’t going to die at the hands of a massive, possibly delusional Giantess, before realizing she was a Giantess and they were currently sitting in the bad part of town in the dead of a winter night. “I don’t want to alarm you, but we’re in a pretty bad neighbourhood; I don’t like stereotyping people but it’s the dead of night and this place is kinda known for stab happy people and yeti hunters and to be honest you look kind of like a yeti.” Red continued, suddenly worried that some criminal would fuck up his chance at first contact or kill them.

“If we’re approached by some uncouth criminals I assure you I could dispatch them.” Priscilla stated, assured, causing Red to fret even more.

“Yeah, that’s the problem. There are no Humans who’re over two meters tall, covered in fur and with horns so a non-Human, unknown person killing people would...Frighten many, many people.” Red exclaimed, beginning to panic at the thought of them being discovered or Priscilla murdering someone. “Oh god I don’t want to disappear…” He whispered to himself, mind racing with thoughts of Men in Black.

“Very well, if you’re so insistent we can simply teleport to your...Something's wrong, it’s like I’m drained of power…” She stated, alarm and fatigue taking hold as she tried to cast a relatively simple spell given her power.

“This is soooo crap...Okay, I’ve got an idea.” Red said aloud with a snap of his glove covered fingers as he rushed together a half baked plan.

“Well, what is it?”

“We’re gonna sneak through the night back home before the sun comes up! It’s a few kilometers but if we run while avoiding the roads we could make it!” Red figured, hoping it’d be easy to disguise a three meter tall, armed, fur covered Giantess.

“That sounds far from perfect…” She retorted, disbelief matching her unimpressed look.

“Well it’s all I’ve got, now come on we’ve got to hurry!” He insisted as he skulked into the shadows, Priscilla hurrying after him, as they began the long trek towards Red’s home through lands no Human had boldly gone before: the poor side of town - the slums.

Red made his way to the end of the alleyway, staying close to the brown, aged brick walls. He was moving in the shadows, yet he wasn’t silent. He never put any time into the art of being sneaky, he stepped on trash that was hidden in the darkness a few times. He cursed everytime, and he could hear the Giantess behind him make an amused noise at his clumsy efforts. He was slightly peeved at his incapabilities of moving without alerting the area, and was slightly jealous of the huge woman that shadowed him. He didn’t know how, but he couldn’t hear her the effort she had made to remain undetected from the surrounding populace.

He would’ve thought she hadn’t followed or abandoned him if he hadn't heard her gave out a light titter from her.

Red raised his left hand up, and signalled her to stop much like how the military conducts hand signs with one another during an operation. “Hold up, I’ll stand out less than you so let me check the area.” He didn’t look back or waited for an acknowledgement from her, he walked out of the alleyway by a couple feet, and quickly scanned the entire area as much as he could. Of course there would be places he couldn’t be sure, like windows or other alleyways covered in darkness, but things were looking pretty good as he spotted no one.

“Priscilla, the trees!” Red whispered loudly to the Giantess, and she quickly and quietly made her way in between two evergreen trees that lined the sidewalk. Sure, the lights lit her up, but hopefully the snow on them gave her some amount of camouflage.

She kneeled down, keeping her weapon pointed upwards. “Where to next?” She had asked in her old english speak, in a hushed manner. She too scanned what she could see, her eyes widened at the unfamiliar architecture that lined the streets.

“Alleyway just across the street. Be quick, no telling if someone from above will see us.” Red replied and she gave a nod. She looked up to the unfamiliar boxed buildings that stood taller than most at her former home, before the Painted World; Anor Londo. Her thoughts came back to her when Red sprinted across the deserted street, and she was quick to follow and caught up with the smaller person. She had longer strides, and made it to the dark passages between the buildings before Red.

Red came running loudly into the alleyway, joining Priscillia as he announced his arrival with heavy breathing. Red clearly wasn’t in shape as he gasped, trying to take in air as he spat out saliva that built up in his mouth.

“Are you quite alright?” Priscilla asked, slightly concerned for her new found companion as they sneaked their way through unfamiliar territory. Red held up a shaky hand before answering.

“Yes, just having a bit of a hard time running on freshly fallen snow.” Red explained as he wiped some perspiration on her brows.

“Good to hear.” The Giantess replied, no longer concerned now that she knew her companion was quite fine. He was just having trouble with his footing is all.

Okay, just a few more alleyways and we’re probably there.” Red said as he snuck back into the shadows, to a person much like him they would have trouble seeing him in the dark, but not Priscilla. She was able to see where he was, which made it all the more easier to not accidentally bump into him in the cluttered passageways.

“Red, you mentioned that we probably would arrive at the destination you have previously mentioned?” She spoke quietly, as they were only for his ears only.

“Yes, this part of town is like a grid, so it wouldn’t be too hard to arrive at my place.” Red replied as he stepped over a garbage back, which Priscilla walked over without notice. “I just need to spot a familiar landmark and we’re golden.”

While she was starting to question his lead, as he was also unfamiliar with the passageways they were taking, she couldn’t lose faith in him. He’s a resident of this Kingdom, even if he didn’t knew of every street from memory then he would recognize landmarks. He also had knowledge of the area, such as the way it was organized into a grid like fashion. While she wasn’t the type of person to place her trust in total strangers, some faith was required in this endeavor.

“I shall follow you even further then.” Priscilla announced, making Red stop in his tracks and looking back at her.

“The way you worded that-” Red zipped up his coat, he continued.”made it sound like you were planning on not following me all the way.”

“I wasn’t planning anything, it simply was a thought that briefly crossed my mind.”

“Then why make it sound like you were?”

“Red, I’m in a unfamiliar part of the world, everyone within this Kingdom are strangers of which their capabilities of know not of.” She spoke as she looked over a chain fenced, only to see more garbage. “It would be unwise of me to not think of other options.”

“Yeah okay, I understand, but trust me on this. There’s nowhere safer than at my place.” Red spoke, telling what version of the truth from what he felt. He knew there were several other places she could’ve gone to, but he wouldn’t rest easy not knowing where she was and how she was doing. It’s not everyday you come across someone so alien, yet human.

Priscilla motioned for Red to continue taking the lead, she looked back only briefly, for just a moment, before following the heavy footed leader.

Just as they about to reach the end of their dark passageway, the sound of dogs barking was suddenly made. Priscilla quickly looked to where the barking was coming from, and spotted the dogs. There were five of them, all large and mean looking. They looked as though they were ready to tear any living being apart, and could do so with ease. Luckily much to Red’s relief they were sealed off from the main passageway behind a linked fence, with a thick chain keeping the dogs from busting open the gate.

“Phew, that was a close one. If they were stray dogs then I can’t imagine they would give us-” Red was cut off as lights behind the fenced off dogs were turned on, and someone opened their window.

“Hey, shut up you mangy mutts! Don’t make me come out there or I’ll!-” The woman was drowned out by the dogs, who were now obviously not barking at nothing, but at both Priscilla and Red.

“Come one, let’s go before we’re spotted!” Red called out and Priscilla followed, but were but off once more when a beam of light appeared in front of Red. The smaller of the two began to curse to himself for nearly being spotted, they were about to turn the other direction when they both froze at the sound of someone calling them out.

“Hey, who’s bothering my dogs! Come out or I’ll call the cops on you!” The dog owner yelled out, as she wielded a flashlight in her hand. The light was currently scanning their exit, and Red was starting to panic once more while Priscilla was debating what to do, but before she could decide anything for herself Red gave a pretty desperate instruction.

“Quick, before she shines she light on us, dive into the show!”  Priscilla looked around her, trying to find a snow mound large enough to cover her, but she was too slow for Red;s taste and he tackled her legs causing her to slip, and fall to the hard asphalt. She inwardly groaned in annoyance, as she fell on her back and hitted her head hard against the ground. Before she can voice her complain she needs to blend in, she then tried to make herself as flat as possible, allowing the clumps of snow to fall onto her, while letting the snow on the ground lay next to her.

Her fur coat and hair, along with her tail quickly became blended with the snow, but with wasn’t enough. Her hands and scythe, along with her legs were still exposed. Red was a quick thinker tho, he grabbed some frozen garbage bags and tossed them onto her exposed skin, along with burying the large blade with some fresh garbage bags that has yet to freeze. Still, he was extremely paranoid so he moved in front of laying Giant, and blocked the dog owner’s only possible view to the Giant’s scales that protruded out from her forehead.

This was all done in just few seconds, it seems Red can move quick when he really needs to. As the dog owner finally pointed her flashlight to her, Red’s eyes were annoyed from the lightbeam glaring onto him, making his vision sorta difficult. He held a hand out out front, trying to block the light from his eyes.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing!?” The woman yelled out from her window, as the dogs finally chose to growl at the two rather than bark.

“Uh, walking home?” Red nervously replied, hoping that Priscilla was able to get some good snow coverage. Her fur may make good camouflage, but under a light the hairs can cast shadows.

“Hmph, now is that the truth?” The woman spoke with a disbelieving tone, still Red spoke.

“I’m on my way home from work, and I just decided to take a detour for a change.” Red had hoped this would convince the woman to go back to whatever she was doing in her aged household. Yet she continued to question him.

“I would believe that, but why would my dogs bark at you? Unless you were bothering them!” She yelled out, looking as though she was prepared to run out from her back door, and break his face with her large flashlight.

“I was not bothering your dogs, I was simply walking by and they started to aggressively bark at me.” Red held out both of his hands hoping to calm down the woman dozen of meters away from both he and the Giantess. Just as the woman was about the yell at him again he spoke out once more. “It’s the truth, I was simply walking home. I do not know what caused your dogs to become aggressive, but it wasn’t my fault.” He calmed down now that the woman looked like she was getting tired of this.

“Fine, but if I see you walking past here again and my dogs bothered once more, I’m coming for you.” The woman threatened, and Red was sure she would keep her promise as these parts of the city was known for it’s brutal residents.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry for what has occurred, now would you mind?” Red then gestured to her flashlight, and she caught on to his message. She then turned off the torch, glared at him for a few moments before shutting her window and closing her curtains. Red then looked at the dogs who retreated back to their shelter, which was under a wooden porch. Red let out a sigh as Priscilla got off the cold ground, and shook her body causing a mini snow storm to occur between the two.

“That was some quick thinking Red.” Priscilla complimented as she shook her tail, all the show that built up on her has fallen back to the ground and onto Red. He wasn’t too bothered, a little chilled but that was corrected by him simply brushing the snow off of him.

“Yeah, sorry about throwing trash on you.” He apologized as he picked up a garbage bag, and placed it where it roughly used to be at. Priscilla raised an eyebrow at this, before feeling a little gross. She shook herself, to rid of whatever fill that may still be on her. Snow and bits of dirt was sent into the air, causing another small snow storm and Red feeling slightly more chilled with the snow specks touching the his unprotected neck.

After a few more moments Red had cleaned up his mess. “Now with that taken care of, let’s go before the morning runners and dog walkers come out.” With that they continued their adventure, with Red taking the lead and the giantess silently following him.