Faggots' Days with Monster Gurls

As the morning light brushed against Tux’s sleepy head, he was happy to see she hadn’t murdered him in his sleep or anything so that was sweet. As he wondered if he still had time to catch some sleep, he rolled over to check his alarm clock...Only to see he had ten minutes to get to class…

“Huh, I slept through my alarm...SHIT!” He said with a chillingly calm voice before exploding out of bed. In a frenzy, he threw on a shirt, some pants and shoes and had a once over in the mirror, content that he didn’t look like total ass. As he ran out into the living room to grab some toast to eat on the way like a total anime protagonist, he noticed something real weird. His flat didn’t look like a bomb had gone off in it. The floor was devoid of boxes, crap or dirty clothes, the dust piles had been cleaned, the kitchen was spotless and the carpets had been cleaned somehow. The room looked habitable and nice to look at, and the culprit for all of this sat comfortably on the couch, still watching that damn sitcom.

“Hmm, Ross seems like the only one who possesses any semblance of intelligence…” The Doll mused, unaware of Tux’s presence until he stumbled into the kitchen and popped some bread into the toaster. “Oh, good morning Hunter. I took the liberty of cleaning your domicile for you, since you had forsaken such duties.” She greeted with a small bow from her seat at the couch, before seemingly judging him still with that flat voice and expression.

“How the hell did you do all this? This was at least a full days work! Eh screw it, I’m too late to care...Come on, come on…” Tux asked, then retracted his interest, before pleading with the toaster.

“You seem distressed by something.” She stated the obvious with a concerned expression while he hopped from foot to foot.

“I overslept and now I’m gonna be sooooo fucking late...” He answered feveriously as he fretted over everything.

“If you’d like Good Hunter, I could-”

“No, no, no. No more weird, non Human crap! I just want to leg it and hope I make it, okay?” Tux asked, already having had enough of her shit for one morning. As she started to talk, the toast popped out with a bang and he grabbed them and popped one in his mouth.

“Ah! This is so much hotter than it should be, anime made it look cool!” He cried out in pain as he ran outside the house, slamming the door behind him, leaving her alone in the still messy house. As she looked up from the magical picture frame, she wondered how long it’d take her to work on it alone.

“Hm, yes I suppose I should enlist some aid…” She said to no one as she began calling out for the aid of some little helpers.

Tux was late, very late. Thus he stopped giving a shit halfway to his mad dash to college. He could afford to miss a morning class, but he still at least wanted to go to his last class of the morning before he sleeps once more. He wants as much sleep as he can get before he works this evening.

Not ten minutes ago he had arrived at the college campus, only after he walked the rest of the way which took him a good hour. Still he had like a half an before his next class begin, and after deciding that anime is a lie he went to the cafeteria. Thankfully college isn’t like high school where food is only served at certain time periods, no, in college food was served from 6am to 6pm. Any other hours, well, those poor college students have the cheap gas store noodles.

Tux was surprised when someone dropped their trap of food in front of him. “Sup Mormon Man.” He knew who that was before he bothered to look up. “How did work go last night?” The person said as the seat across from Tux was filled.

“Ugh, I told you where I work at,” Tux spoke as he rubbed his temples with his left hand. “you already know the answer.” The person across from him began digging into his breakfast, which was made up of just eggs and beans. A platter for people who work minimum wage.

“Well, not much I can say other than you can try working at-” Tux then cut off the man.

“No Iron, I’m not going to work retail at Walmart.” With that Tux drank from his cup of diluted coffee, trying to get as much caffeine as he can get into his system.

“C’mon Tux, it’ll be much more fun if we work together at the same place.” Iron said, trying to once more convince Tux to work together with him.

Yet Tux was having none of it this morning, he was too tired to go through this. “No, you know how I feel about dealing with customers.” Still he once again fell into routine.

Iron sighed not from disappointment as he had expected Tux’s answer. “Tux, not all customers are shitty, in fact most of them are alright.” Iron took a fork full of salted eggs into his mouth, and quickly ate them.

“It’s not that, I just don’t like dealing with people as I work. That’s why I prefer working evening and sometimes the night shift as a stocker.” Tux explained once more with the same answer he had given yesterday, and the many mornings before.

“Well, if you’re gonna continue working there you may as well stop complaining to us about you sore back, eh.” Thankfully every once in awhile the routine gets derailed, whether or not it’s a good that depends. Still it felt slightly better to get out of repeated conversations.

“Oh hey/morning Pat.” Both Tux and Iron greeted the filthy Quebecer.

“Hey losers, how goes the schooling, eh?” Pat then sat down next to Iron, she then dug into her steak and potatoes. Making both men hungry and sad.

“Pat, you know you’re not allowed in here.” Despite feeling a little more dead on the inside Tux was able to form words, and make them into sentences. He has yet to break.

“What are you talking about? Of course I am, I’m a person considering her enrolment into this college.” Pat says so casually that it caused Iron and Tux to feel a little uncomfortable, with her doing what Pat does.

“Pat it’s been two months since the college allowed people to enroll for this semester,” Tux felt the need to remind Pat, remind her of that she’s basically trespassing.

“Nah it’s fine, I pay for the food too, eh.” Pat shrugged her shoulders before stuffing her face with her food, quality food that she was able to pay for. She never shared her food, never bought them anything.

“Pat please, before you somehow drag us into trouble with you.” Tux was borderline pleading, he would’ve gone full on pleading if he wasn’t so tired, and slightly disturbed from the events prior.

“You’ll get charged if you get caught Pat.” The mexican said simply as his fork slowly made its way to Pat’s plate.

“Argh fine, see yah later fuckers, eh!” If there was one way to get Pat out of campus, then it was to remind her that she would lose money if she stayed any longer. Truthfully Tux didn’t really knew if was allowed on campus or not, but he didn’t want to deal with her for the moment.

“Shit.” Tux swore, realizing that the dirty mexican was eating a perfectly fine steak.”Mind you give me a few pieces?” The mormon asked as he pushed his plate towards the man opposite of him.

“Sure, not a huge fan of medium rare anyways.” Tux was barely able to stop himself from punching Iron in the face. He’s a poor college student, he wouldn’t be able to live after the assault charges. So Tux settled for a simple glare as Iron cut the remaining steak in half, and gave what was left to Tux.

“Thanks Iron, I was feeling quite down recently. I really needed this.” Tux thanked the man, he was still a gentleman afterall despite him thinking that anyone eating Steak not medium rare are the worst, and should be sent to a reeducation camp. They both dug into their steaks. What was this feeling? Was this joy? Thought the both of them as they ate real meat for the first time in a month. Tux was about to cry tears of happiness, if only someone didn’t ruin the sweet moment of pure bliss.

“Hey yer poor sods, how goes the second grade meat?” A chubby, homeless man spoke as he sat on the plastic chair, his annoying laugh echoing in Tux’s mind.

“It’s great, better than eating spam.” The alien spoke as he chewed onto his food, a little grossed out from the blood that was leaking from the meat.

“C’mon now, spam ain’t so bad. Just gotta fry it up a little, toss it in between two slices of toasted bread and it’s all good with a side of eggs.” The Aussie tried to reason, remembering how he use to be as poor as these two plebs. But ever since he started his apprenticeship he was making a decent living, still couldn’t afford a good roast beef tho.

“No Loose, no one likes spam.” Both Iron and Tux said at the same time, even a few others around them spoke with them.

“Except dem Canucks, those fucking weirdos.” Loose cried out, slamming his saw dust covered hands onto the table in rage, causing Tux’s drink to spill onto his steak.

“Meh, still precious calories.” Tux wasn’t phased by Loose’s fuck up, he still intended to eat his precious meat. No matter how ruined and poor quality it is.

“Well, atleast you get to literally eat coffee now.” Iron poked at Tux, letting out a chuckle as the mormon continued to chow down on what’s left of his meat. Iron then turned to Loose, feeling that dragging the steak along in conversation would get dry sooner or later. “So Loose, what’s up?”

“A’ight, didn’t die on the way here so that’s nice. Red was acting fuckin’ weird though.” He answered with a chuckle as he began eating a bacon and egg sammich before thinking back to Red.

“Oh yeah, what do ya mean?” Tux asked, in between bloody chomps on his subpar steak.

“Well, for starters his door is fucked. It wasn’t just off its hinges, the whole fuckin’ frame was busted like some had taken a battering ram to it; he also seemed coked out, talkin’ fast and weird and being real evasive...Red’s not a drug dealer yeah?” Loose asked, the frantic attitude reminding him of his late brother.

“Red, a drug dealer? Nah, he’s too straight edge to be so criminal.” Iron was finished with his food, placing more attention on the conversation than before. Tux was still enjoying his steak, what’s left of it. “You think he was on drugs tho?

“Maybe. I’ve seen nervous as hell druggies, they’re sweating, barely coherent, actin’ like they’re hiding something and honesty he fit the type.” Loose continued, remembering how odd he was acting.

“I don’t know what you two are going on about, but remember he’s too poor to buy drugs. So he’s probably not a drug addict or anything like that.” Tux finally decided to contribute to the conversation, saddened that his steak was all gone.

“So I guess he’d be too poor to buy a dog yeah? Because when I asked why his hallway was full of white fur he said he’d bought a big fuckin’ husky.” The Aussie added, chewing down on his greasy toast sammich.

“I’m not an animal expert, but don’t they shed once or twice a year?” Tux asked, leaning back into his seat.

“Exactly! I thought that was weird, it didn’t seem right for it to be shedding or whatever. Also, whatever it was was big enough to knock over a solid lamp and make some loud ass noises; sounded like a bloody bull in there.”

”I like dogs, let’s go visit Red later.” Iron said, remembering the days when he was a kid, when he used to play out in the streets mostly naked, running from the dogs - hungry dogs.

Tux, remembering what was waiting back at his own place, didn’t really feel up to confronting the issue at the moment. “I like to see how wrecked his place is.”

“It’s pretty fuckin’ wrecked, glass everywhere...Also, he know’s I’m a carpenter yeah? He didn’t want me fixing his door for him...Maybe his dog’s got him captured or some whacky shit.” Loose mused with a grin, thinking of all the times he got stuck in a hostage situation with animals back home.

“Or maybe his dog is not use to people, doesn’t want him to have an accident with the dog biting our faces off?” Iron knew his mexican dogs, they were always angry in varying degrees. The heat and shitty kids really got to them. “Maybe his dog was bullied by shit kids, and is just a very pissy dog because of it?”

“Yeah nah, my money’s on a hostage situation or some shit.” Loose insisted, hellbent on his idea.

“Well, if that’s the case then it’s our duty to make sure our friend is safe. From dangerous dogs… and from criminals.” The ethical, moral man of God has spoken, yet he was too tired to really care about some dog.

“Hey guys, how goes early lunch? Or was it late breakfast?” A tired, somewhat hungry looking part-time teacher and fellow student walked up to the three. It was obviously Red, due to the nerd clothes he was wearing. Tux looked over to him, and noticed that his clothes had specks of white hair on them.

“Pretty good, just tellin’ the guys ‘bought your fucked up door and dog...What’d you say its name was again?” Loose informed before asking, suspicious about how evil the dog is.

“Oh r-really?” Red stuttered for a moment before continuing. “Name?... uh, she hasn’t got a name, yeah.” The student then felt sick, thinking about the damages he has to pay. “Oh god, my door…”

“Ya know, I am a carpenter and with the friend discount all I need is like, pocket change or cocaine.” He continued, trying to ‘subtly’ figure out if Red was a drug addict, causing Iron to put his head in his hands and sigh.

“Pocket change? How much exactly?” Red may be worried about keeping the giantess’ existence a secret, but he was still poor god dammit! Still, he could probably hide her in his room, just gotta remove the door to avoid more damage. Surely his friend would respect his privacy and not enter his bedroom?

“Enough to buy some cheap shit or a decent meal I guess, it seems like a pretty simple repair...Though ya might need a new door or hinges if it’s completely fucked and I ain’t paying for that shit.” Loose estimated, then factored in the cost of replacing small parts.

“Yeah sure, just let me… clean up before you arrive. I’ll give you a call whenever I’m good to let you do your thing.” Red thanked whatever God was popular these days, that he was friends with someone who was useful unlike Tux and Iron. The both of them were useless, taking religious and history studies.

“That sounds like something someone who’s hiding something would say!” Iron accused, pointing at Red.

“Shut up Iron.” Tux said, trying to prevent the mexican from turning that into a drawn out conversation.

“N-no, it’s just a real mess at my place right now. Plus, you all know I’m too poor to get into anything fun, even drugs.” Red spoke once more, he then checked his watch. “Ah, well time to make a living. Got class in a few, I’ll call you later Loose.” With that Red walked away from the group at a steady pace.

“I’m telling you, he’s too calm to be wanting to go class. He’s high as fuck right now.” Iron said just as he stood up, he too needing to go do some work in the library.

Tux reached over the table, and picked up something off the smooth surface. “So what kind of dog did Red say he had?” He looked at fibre strand, which was quite lengthy.

“Husky, why?”

“I don’t know, but I seen huskies in my neighbourhood before. Never seen them with hair this long.” He then held the hair with two hands, pinching each end with a finger and thumb, then pulled it to show how long it was. Which was about a foot and half, roughly.

“Jesus fuck, that’s long…” Loose said as he noticed how long the damn thing was.

“So like, I’m sure there’s a dog breed with hair this long, probably.” Tux then tossed away the hair, not wanting to touch it any longer thinking it may be dirty. “Or like, he’s shacking up with a girl who dyed her hair white.”

“Red? And a woman?” Loose asked, stunned at the idea that there might be someone as into his Star Trek shit as much as him.

“Yes, hilarious. Welp, I’m off, see you some other time.” With that Tux left the area, he too leaving his tray and plate on the table, like how Pat and Iron had.

“...Okay then…” Loose said as everyone left him at the table alone. He began eating what was left on everyone’s trays like a hobo.