Probably One of the Worst Products Ever. Of All Time

by JTHailstorm

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, Comedy, Romance, Equestria Girls, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Random, Main 6
Length: 5836

Have you ever had one of those days where you thought everything was going to be okay? Well Sunset thought the same thing until a bottle was thrown her way. Now she has a headache.

Step right on down and make the purchase of a lifetime! It's our very own patented Tex in a Bottle™! For 10 easy payments of 300 bits, and of course your sanity, it can be all yours! How do you use it? Just caress the bottle then set it down and you have summoned your very own Tex™! Remember, no refunds! Oh and no returns!

Sounds like the purchase of a lifetime, huh? Well for some it's not, especially if you didn't buy it.
Sunset Shimmer did not buy a Tex in a Bottle™, no, she got a free item that she doesn't want. Kinda like a kid but not.
It is now up to Sunset Shimmer to figure out who gave her this "lovely" free item, and figure out how to get Tex back into the bottle. If life wasn't hard enough without Tex, it's like having a nice bike ride through Tartarus while on fire, and having to deal with a child that wants to go to Didney Lan but you have no money so they are there riding a bike with you in scenic Tartarus.

Published 2016-10-29 03:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-03 04:01:31 UTC

Just a Tex in a Bottle™

It was another quiet day as Sunset Shimmer sat across from Twilight Sparkle in the library. She sighed as she glanced up at the purple girl sitting across from her. With a sigh she put the book down and gathered her courage.

“Twilight, I need to ask you somethin-”

A bottle broke in the middle of their table and it exploded releasing a cloud of smoke. As the smoke cleared a grinning young man was crouched down and face to face with Sunset Shimmer.

The young man had icy blue eyes, messy purple hair, and a charming smile. He lifted a finger and booped Sunset’s nose.

“Boop,” the mystery boy said. After the nose boop he stood up and jumped off the table. “How’s it goin’?”

“Who are you?” Sunset Shimmer asked.

“Where did you come from?” Twilight Sparkle asked. She cleared away the shards of glass in her immediate area.

“I am…Tex! Kinda like a hex, but the playground is my world…or the world is my playground. I came from the bottle.” Tex answered. He pulled a note from his pocket and handed it to Sunset Shimmer. “This is for you, the one who released me from my bottle.”

“You have this all wrong. I didn’t release you,” Sunset replied.

“Well…I’m here, the bottle is broken, and now by all contractual agreements you are now the one who summoned me.” Tex replied.

“Let me see the contract,” Twilight Sparkle said. She took the note from Tex and stared reading it. After turning the paper several times, she handed it to Sunset. “I can’t decipher the writing.”

“That’s cause it’s Equestrian!” Tex laughed.

“Fine, I’ll read it.” Sunset Shimmer said. She grabbed the note and started reading it.

To the lucky opener of the bottle,
Congratulations on your purchase of the patented Tex in a Bottle™! You should have read the bottle thoroughly and by doing so you have successfully summoned your very own Tex™! A few things before you start having fun*;
First, Tex™ is not a charm and will not go away unless sealed back in the bottle he originally came from. If the bottle breaks then you are stuck with your Tex™ until you receive a replacement bottle from the manufacturer.
Second, Tex™ cannot kill anyone, but he can seriously harm or maim.
Third, Tex™ is extremely protective of summoner, if he senses that the summoner is in distress he will come to the rescue. If one’s bedroom activities involve any form of BDSM, please be sure to secure your Tex™ in an approved cage. Otherwise expect interruptions.
We at Hybrid Corporation thank you for your purchase and hope you enjoy your Tex™.

*The definition of “fun” is solely up to the summoner.

If you did not summon Tex™ intentionally, please note that you are now by definition the owner of Tex™.

Sunset Shimmer sighed then grabbed Tex by the collar.

“Who bought you?” Sunset Shimmer demanded.

“I have no idea. I was the one in the bottle.” Tex replied.

“So what can he do?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“I can do almost anything. Except magic…apparently humans can’t do that.” Tex answered. Once more he booped Sunset’s nose. “and I’m all yours.”

“So a boyfriend in a bottle?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“In a way,” Tex said, as he sat in the chair next to Sunset. “Wait a boyfriend?” He almost fell out of his seat.

“I don’t recall ever needing a boyfriend in a bottle because I-” Sunset said.

“Have Tex now.” Twilight laughed. Both Tex and Sunset glared at Twilight, who then sheepishly hid behind a book. “I mean…uh…I’m going back to reading.”

Tex fumbled around looking for something. He grabbed a book with a blue shield with a wolf paw emblazoned on it. “Here, this is an instruction manual.”

“Are you a toy or something?” Sunset asked, glancing through the book.

“Not exactly. You see I once was a mighty warrior that summoned the flying narwhals to help reclaim a princess’s castle. Apparently it was my fault to begin with so I was sealed in a bottle…and now I’m here.” Tex explained.

“But this says you were manufactured by Hybrid Corp,” Sunset replied.

“Is that what that stuff says?” Tex asked, grabbing the book and turning it in all directions. “Well I should’ve guessed as much. It doesn’t help that I can’t read.”

“So wait, are you some kind of prisoner? Or are you personal assistant?” Sunset asked.

“I’m a-” Tex said.

“Nuisance. This is the library, and the two of you are being too noisy.” Twilight said, glaring up from the book.

“She does have a point,” Sunset said. She grabbed Tex by the arm and dragged him out of the library. Once out of the library she let go of Tex and allowed him to regain his bearings. “Now answer my question,”

“Eh, to put it simply I’m whatever you want me to be.” Tex answered.

“So can I loan you to someone?” Sunset asked.

“Yup, but only for a day. Any longer then I will miss you.” Tex replied.

“Go play with Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash then,” Sunset said, before she realized that Tex would have no idea who they were.

“They’re here?! Oh boy.” Tex replied, as he ran down the hall seeking out Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.

I better go catch him before he does something stupid, Sunset thought to herself as she ran off to find Tex. Come to think of it, why is he here? Who threw that bottle in the library? I guess I should consult Princess Twilight on this after I find Tex.

Meanwhile a hooded figure tripped on a rock near the Wondercolt statue in front of the high school. She grunted then quickly got up and headed for the statue. The mystery girl turned to the school.

“He’ll be better off here,” she said.

The mystery girl then walked through the portal.

Sunset found Tex having a push up contest with Rainbow in the gym. Students were gathered around, cheering Rainbow Dash on. Pinkie was on the ground, coaching Rainbow.

“Come on, Rainbow! You’re at 89, that’s like 69 with 20 fingers in your-” Pinkie noticed Sunset and got up then tackled her down with a hug. “Sunset! You come to watch Rainbow beat Texy.”

“Texy, huh?” Sunset said.

“He’s a dreamboat. You should ask him out,” Pinkie said.

Sunset got up then stood over Tex with her arms crossed. “Hey Tex, you want to go out?”

“Like a date?” Tex grunted as he finished another rep.

“Yes, cause every handsome guy needs a beautiful girl,” Sunset said. Her acting was spot on.

“No! I mean…yes? I mean what? Can I phone a friend?” Tex asked, as he lost strength and fell to the ground.

“Yes! I win!” Rainbow cheered. She jumped up in victory. Students gathered around her, thus feeding her ego even more.

“Well I lost,” Tex said. He sat up then crossed his arms then made a pouty face. “You happy?”

“Yes,” Sunset said sassily.

“But you said to go have fun with Pinkie and Dash.” Tex pouted.

“Sunset, where did you find him? He’s fun!” Rainbow Dash said, breaking through the crowd.

“Yeah, where did you find your boyfriend?” Pinkie asked.

“He’s not my boyfriend, he’s more of a nuisance that someone gave me.” Sunset replied.

“Like herpes,” Tex said.

Sunset facepalmed herself then flicked Tex in the forehead. Tex fell back and sprawled out on the gym floor. “Not quite herpes, but someone threw a bottle at me in the library and now I’m stuck with him.” Sunset said.

“So he magically appeared after someone threw a bottle at you?” Rainbow lent a hand to help Tex up. “Surprisingly I believe that.”

“How exactly is that believable?” Sunset asked.

“Strange stuff always happens, we’re kinda used to that.” Rainbow said.

Sunset thought about it while Tex played pat a cake with Pinkie. She had to admit that strange things frequently happen at the high school. Pinkie then whispered something in Tex’s ear and caused him to laugh.

“Pinkie, you are a genius!” Tex exclaimed.

“I know I am,” Pinkie said.

“This doesn’t sound good at all,” Sunset said.

“You’re telling me,” Rainbow said.

Both Rainbow and Sunset watched as Pinkie and Tex cheered. Rainbow then placed her hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “Well it looks like bad news, I’m outta here. Gonna hit the showers.” Rainbow walked away.

“Showers? I wanna get soapy with Dashie!” Pinkie said. She rushed to catch up with Rainbow.

“Lame,” Tex pouted.

“Let’s go see what Princess Twilight has to say about you.” Sunset said. She grabbed Tex and dragged him out of the gym.

“You have one hell of a grip,” Tex said

“That’s cause I’m frustrated,” Sunset replied.

“I like that,” Tex replied.

Sunset sighed then rolled her eyes as she pulled Tex along. She hoped that Twilight would have an answer to her little Tex problem.

Author's Note

This idea was inspired by the random thought of caressing a bottle of Jack and a genie popping out. Okay, I lie. I was reading a fic and I thought, why not summon Tex? Tex can help and make better choices than this guy. How did I solve the summoning? Well the caressing of a bottle came to mind. So in a tweet I advertised the Tex in a Bottle™. No one wanted it of course.
So then I thought, well what if the Tex in a Bottle™ was intentionally granted upon someone? Also since I was reading that one fic, I've been on a Sunset Shimmer thing and it kinda got weird. But let's not talk about that. So Sunset gets the prize of a free Tex in a Bottle™. No, I wasn't listening to Genie in a Bottle by Christina Aguilera...

Hopefully you enjoyed it thus far.

And no refunds!

Do Not Pass Go

Tex sat coloring in a coloring book that Sunset gave him. Sunset on the other hand was trying to figure out how to put her letter.

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
I am wondering if you can do some digging for me. Recently I have been gifted with the worst gift ever. I don’t know who gave this gift to me, but frankly it’s annoying. Have you heard of Hybrid Corp? Or better yet, have you heard of a product known as a Tex in a Bottle.
I know you are busy as a Princess but I hope that you can help me out.

Yours truly,
Sunset Shimmer

Sunset closed the cover then looked at Tex, who appeared to be having fun. There was a part of her that wanted to make friends with him, but for the most part he seemed more like a nuisance than friend material.

“Sunset?” Tex asked. He didn’t look up.

“Yes?” Sunset answered.

“Do you like me?” Tex asked.

“This is all a little too much to take in at the moment, but for the most part you aren’t so bad.” Sunset replied.

Twilight trot through the door, her mane was singed, and there was an arrow in her flank. Starlight and Spike followed close behind, both tired and appeared to have been in a scuffle. All of them collapsed when the door shut.

“This is the last time I go to a wedding. I won’t even go to my own,” Twilight said, pulling the arrow from her flank. She cast it down then continued by bandaging the wound.

“You say that like weddings always go bad,” Starlight said, as she struggled to stand.

“Well we are like 0-3, so yeah, weddings suck.” Spike answered.

“Spike!” Twilight called out. She stood up and started heading toward the library.

“What? I’m just telling it the way I see it.” Spike said.

“No, I mean come help me,” Twilight replied.

Spike caught up to her and walked along side of her. He looked at Twilight with concern on his face. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine, I just have to check on some things.” Twilight said. When they reached the doorway of the library, Twilight turned back to Starlight. “Get me my staff and a thermos of soup. I’m hungry but also thirsty and you can kinda eat and drink soup at the same time.”

“It will be a moment,” Starlight said. She fell over.

“Go ahead, take your time.” Twilight said. She then turned to Spike. “You know what to do.”

“Fine.” Spike said, walking away to go accomplish the task he was given.

Twilight headed into the library and noticed that the magical journal was glowing. She got it down and opened it. Her eyes skimmed the page and then she let out a defeated sigh.

“I was wondering why it was so quiet,” Twilight said. She then put the journal back. “Starlight!”

The tired unicorn inched her way into the room. “Yes?”

“Find out what you can about Hybrid Corp.” Twilight demanded.

“Yes, Twilight.” Starlight answered.

Spike entered the room with a staff and a thermos of soup. Twilight took the soup and took a gulp of the soup. “Spike, warm up the portal. We need to go pick up our idiot.”

“Tex?” Spike asked.

“Yes.” Twilight replied. Spike left to go start the portal up. Twilight walked away with her thermos of soup.

“Isn’t anyone going to help me?” Starlight asked. No one answered.

Sunset and her friends all sat by the portal and waited for the pony princess’ arrival. Tex played soccer with Rainbow and Pinkie.

“So yer sayin’ that this feller came from a bottle?” Applejack asked. She was leaned up against the corner of the statue.

“Yes,” Sunset said, rolling her eyes.

“Darling, you didn’t want such a handsome boyfriend?” Rarity asked.

Sunset sighed.

“H-he is kind of cute.” Fluttershy quietly said. She blushed a little.

Then it was only Rainbow and Pinkie playing soccer. Sunset looked around for Tex. She glanced up and saw Tex creeping up behind Applejack.

This can’t be good, Sunset thought to herself as Tex readied himself. Ninja-like he snatched Applejack’s hat and ran off to play soccer. Applejack was blissfully unaware that her hat was gone.

“Aren’t you missing something?” Sunset asked Applejack.

Applejack looked around her persons. Her eyes widened as she noticed her hat was missing. She looked around, finally spotting Tex with her hat.

“Ya git back here with mah hat ya little-” Applejack yelled as she chased after Tex.

Sunset smiled at the scene. Then the pony princess Twilight stepped through the portal, with a staff and a thermos of soup. She smiled at Sunset. Twilight’s expression changed once she spotted Tex.

Tex saw Twilight and stopped dead in his tracks. He was then tackled by Applejack who then reclaimed her hat.

“TWILIGHT!” Tex called out as he hopped up. He ran over to Twilight, who then stepped out of the way.

She is going to have him run through the portal, Sunset smiled.

Tex ran into the portal head on, but was then forced back. He flew back and slammed into the school. The wall that Sunset helped repair now has a hole in it.

“I’M OKAY!” Tex yelled.

Sunset’s eye twitched in frustration.

“Now that’s interesting.” Princess Twilight said. She put her hand through the portal. “There must be some kind of spell keeping him here.” Twilight takes a drink from the thermos.

“Do you want me to go fetch Tex?” Spike asked.

“No, he’ll be here soon.” Princess Twilight said. Just as expected Tex was standing next to her.

“How are we going to get him back to Equestria?” Spike asked.

“Let’s wait for Starlight to find out some more about this Hybrid Corp.” Princess Twilight said.

“How was the wedding?” Tex asked.

“You would’ve loved it,” Princess Twilight said.

“What are you talking about? It sucked.” Spike said.

“Why you have to lie to me, Twi?” Tex asked.

“How am I supposed to make, nearly getting killed at a wedding, sound nice?” Princess Twilight asked.

“You don’t.” Spike replied.

“Wait, that was an assassination attempt and I wasn’t there to save the day?” Tex asked. He whined then started walking around the statue.

“He said he was a hero of a battle.” Sunset said.

“That is true.” Princess Twilight said.

“I was turned to stone.” Spike said. He curled up next to Rarity.

“It was a very weird battle. Discord took my castle, I had to fight him for it…Let’s just say that without Tex’s help we wouldn’t have won back the castle.” Princess Twilight said.

“I got to ride a flying narwhal,” Tex added.

“Wow, how was it?” Fluttershy said. She stopped Tex.

“It was awesome. I was just lucky that I knew their leader and had him agree to help Princess Twilight-” Tex started to explain.

“In exchange for Equestrian soldiers to help take back their sacred lands from the Griffons.” Princess Twilight said.

“You can talk to narwhals?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yeah, I never knew I could until I did.” Tex said.

Sunset pulled Princess Twilight and the other Twilight to the side to let Tex talk to Fluttershy about narwhals. The three girls huddled up.

“How do we send him back?” Sunset asked.

“There’s some kind of magic that is keeping him in this world.” Princess Twilight said.

“Maybe I can analyze him using m-” Twilight said.

“I don’t trust Tex.” Princess Twilight said.

“It’s all we have at the moment.” Sunset said.

“I’ll have to babysit him.” Princess Twilight said.

“That’s not going to work. I have to be within 100 yds. of Sunset.” Tex said. He was lying on the ground. He was blushing. “I’m not in a very good spot.”

Sunset knocked Tex out and had Applejack tie him up.

“Well, I guess we’re all going to have to go to Twilight’s lab so she can scan Tex.” Sunset said. All of them left with Tex to go to the Twilight’s lab. They were unaware of an accident waiting to happen.

Don't Ignore Warnings

Starlight looked up at the factory and sighed. The words: HYBRID CORP, were illuminated on a sign that appeared to be poorly built.

The area was dark with the black clouds overhead, so she made her way into the main office. She grimaced at how the words “Mane Oface” were etched into the doorframe. There was something off about this place.

She opened the door and walked in. There was a stallion neatly dressed in a tuxedo standing behind a desk.

He glanced up then smiled at the Princess of Friendship’s student.

“Why hello, I am…” the stallion said, he looked through a bunch of flashcards. “… Rustic Charm, how may I help you?”

“I have been sent by the princess to acquire information pertaining to your product Tex in a Bottle™,” Starlight explained.

“Ah yes, Tex in a Bottle™. Well what would you like to know?” Rustic Charm asked.

“How and why is our idi-erm I mean friend in your bottle?”

“Friend? I’m sorry but all of the Tex in a Bottle™, contents are ponies, and all creatures named Tex. We have the bounty hunter, baseball player, pony wonder extraordinaire, and many others named Tex. We have no say in who gets put into a bottle.” Rustic Charm cleared his throat. “We are not liable for any damages caused by any Tex, and we don’t give refunds.”

“Are you aware of the Equestrian law known as the Anti-Slavery law? I’m pretty sure this falls under that, and as far as I’m concerned the princess will frown upon this operation you are running.” Starlight glanced around and smirked. “Not to mention all of the ordinances you are breaking.”

“I-uh…” he pressed a button and spoke into a speaker. “We have a code, 26-80, break the spells, and set the captives free.”

“Who is running this show anyway?”

Rustic Charm frowned then whispered, “one who dislikes narwhals. May the-“

Starlight heard about as much as she needed. She knocked the stallion out and ran away from Hybrid Corp along side of the now free Texlings. This was something important that Twilight needed to know.

Tex sat on the table wearing nothing but a hospital gown. Flash was there so as to not make the purple haired boy uncomfortable, even if he wasn’t uncomfortable. He wanted to play matchmaker.

Flash talked to Princess Twilight, while Sunset helped Sci-Twi out with attaching the sensors to Tex. Every once in awhile she glanced over to Flash moving in on the one she loved. There was a sense of tension in the room.

“So he’s the one that Twilight kept writing about in her journals.” Tex said.

“You’ve read her journals?” Sci-Twi asked.

“I used to… but then she sent me to the frozen north. I think it was a banishment, but that’s when I discovered the Flying Narwhals and their kingdom.” Tex explained.

“So about the whole battle thing?” Sunset asked.

“That? It’s just like Princess Twilight said, I saved the day and won her castle back. Though I did die and did haunt the castle until she and Starlight figured out how to bring me back using the Necronomican.” Tex said. He watched as Sci-Twi applied some of the sensors to his hands. “So what’s all this stuff going to do?”

“It’s going to measure the magic within your body, and the Princess me should be able to see if there are any anomalies in that. At the same time it’s going to measure your health and other biological factors.” Sci-Twi explained.

“Do you remember anything before you were put into that bottle?” Sunset asked.

“Not really. The light was super bright and whoever caught me gave me a letter to hold then they cast the spell. I was transported back home… or what seemed to be home. The only thing that was different was the fact that I was alone.” Tex frowned and looked away. “I don’t like to be alone. I missed having fun with my new friends, and stealing AJ’s hat.”

“I don’t like to be alone either, but sometimes you can’t avoid it.” Sunset said.

“Now you have me.” Tex smiled and hugged Sunset. “For awhile at least.”

That put a smile on Sunset’s face as she hugged him back. Sci-Twi stood back and smiled at the touching scene. The two friends let go of each other and Sunset took a step back.

“Okay, let’s start the scans,” Sci-Twi said. She walked over to her computer and pressed a button. Various machines started up and started making various noises. The loudest machine made a loud PING every once in awhile, and then after a few minutes it spewed out a bunch of papers.

Princess Twilight walked over and looked at the papers with Sci-Twi. They would mutter back and forth to each other in egghead language. Flash talked to Sunset, leaving Tex alone.

There was a gentle knock at the door.

“Is Tex decent?” Rarity asked.

“I’m NAKED!” Tex yelled.

Everyone in the room looked at Tex as he was standing in the buff and all the sensors were removed. Both Twilights blushed and tried to shield themselves with the papers. Sunset blushed and turned around. Flash gave Tex a nod and chuckled a bit before turning around.

The door opened and the other girls stepped in. Rainbow fell over laughing, Rarity quickly turned around, Fluttershy blushed and covered her face, Applejack pulled her hat over her face, and Pinkie gawked at the sight of the naked Tex.

“You were warned.” Sunset said.

“I didn’t think he was serious,” Rarity said.

“What a Tex… “ Pinkie drooled.

“Pinkie!” Both Twilights and Sunset exclaimed.

The pink girl turned around with an upset humph. Tex quickly got dressed.

“Now I’m decent!” Tex cheered.

Everyone turned back around and looked at the now clothed Tex. He had a goofy smirk on his face as most of the girls were still blushing.

“I don’t joke about being naked,” Tex said. “What’s the verdict?” He sat on Sci-Twi’s office chair.

“There is some kind of spell that binds you to Sunset. Almost like a… well I’m not well versed in this type of spell. I’ll have to go back to Equestria and get some advice on this.” Princess Twilight said.

“Well, I guess that joke about a boyfriend in a bottle is no joke.” Sci-Twi said.

“Wait, what?” Sunset asked.

“So what would’ve happened if she opened the bottle instead of having it thrown at her?” Sci-Twi asked the Princess.

“I theorize that the spell could’ve been broken simply by removing the excess magic.” Princess Twilight explained.

“It became a bonding spell after the bottle shattered. Since Sunset has Equestrian magic, it reacted with that and created a strong bond.” Tex said. He sat back on Sci-Twi’s computer chair and spun around. Everyone looked at him. “I’ve read some of the spell books from the Crystal Empire. I mean Cadance’s book on love is a good read.”

“And I thought the only book you read was my journal.” Princess Twilight said. She glared at Tex, who quickly looked away.

“Only on Tuesdays.” Tex said.

“I’ll be back as soon as I get more information, in the meanwhile please don’t do anything stupid, Tex.” Princess Twilight said.

“I’ll try not to. Oh and give Princess Cadance my regards.” Tex said.

“Sunset, please don’t let anything bad happen to him.” Princess Twilight said. She gave Sunset a concerned look, the same look a parent would give someone they were leaving their kid with. Sunset nodded and Princess Twilight walked away.

“So she’s stuck with him?” Flash asked. He stopped the Princess at the door.

“Unless you want to take him.” Sunset said.

“Yes, she’s stuck with him.” Princess Twilight said.

“So would you b-” Flash whispered.

Twilight shook her head then said, “I wouldn’t try that. Tex is a little…”

“I get it, but would you be?” Flash asked.

“Tex will make sure you don’t. He’s like a brother to me… and I think he thinks the same.” Twilight explained.

Flash hung his head in disappointment. Princess Twilight left and Flash simply frowned at missing a chance to solidify any thing with the Princess he loved. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t try anything funny, you break her heart and I will take a crowbar to your knees.” Tex said.

The blue haired boy nodded. Tex then returned to Sunset and begged for a coloring book. Flash wondered how Tex got close to Sunset in this short amount of time. He turned around and gathered his courage.

“Sunset?” Flash asked.

“Yes?” Sunset asked as she handed Tex his coloring book.

“I was wondering if you aren’t doing anything tonight, that maybe you’d consider letting me take you to dinner.” Flash asked.

The other girls giggled in the background. Tex bit his lip and turned around.

“Well, Tex has to come with me because of the spell.” Sunset said.

“Hey, AJ wanna let me borrow your hat?” Tex asked.

“Y’all ain’t gittin’ mah hat.” Applejack protested.

“Will you go to dinner with me and Sunset?” Tex asked.

“No.” Applejack said.

“Fair enough, how about let’s make it a group thing so none of you are alone with me?” Tex asked. The girls thought about it and then ultimately approved Tex’s suggestion.

“I was hoping for more alone time.” Flash said.

“Well you don’t get that, lover boy,” Tex said.

“They don’t have to be at the same table,” Sunset said.

“Fine,” Flash said.

They discussed the date then left Sci-Twi’s lab.

In the distance someone was standing in the shadows, watching the young people. This person was in black armor and she had a sniper aimed at Tex. There was also a cloaked girl sitting next to the soldier.

“The target’s in sight, you want me to take him out?” the soldier asked.

“No, just follow him. Then when Princess Twilight returns, take him out,” the hooded girl said.

“Fair enough,” the soldier sighed. “It feels wrong killing someone named Tex.”

“Shut up Agent Tex. Just do your job and then I’ll release you from the spell,” the hooded girl said.

The girl laughed and walked away.

Author's Note

So the infamous Agent Tex shows up! You thought I forgot about the best freelancer? Well I didn't.

Also I made reference to a baseball player, yup, I did. He plays for the Yankees. Which I dislike. I feel dirty now.

Also if you look up the name Tex in Urban Dictionary, you'll understand what Pinkie meant.

Black Armor is Bad News

They sat at the table and ate quietly. Tex was too preoccupied with a food fight he started with Pinkie. The other girls at the table tried not to get caught in the crossfire.

“If you do not surrender immediately, every morsel will put to the fork!” Pinkie yelled.

“There’s only one answer to give her.” Tex replied. He readied a fry. “Cannon number one, FIRE!” With a flick a fry was sent flying across the table and bounced off Pinkie’s forehead.

“And the battle was on.” Rainbow Dash said. The food war began and no one was safe at that table.

Meanwhile across the room at another table, Sunset and Flash sat together. They were far enough away that the food war did not bother them. It was just them and the air of awkwardness created by being exes.

“So…” Flash said. He smiled wryly, uncertain of what to say.

Sunset looked away uninterested in what he had to say. She was watching the fun Tex was having.

“Don’t you ever wish you could have that much fun being a pain in the ass and not care if anyone likes you?” Sunset asked. She didn’t make eye contact with Flash.

“Uh no.” Flash replied. He put his hand on hers and got her attention. “Hey, I know we’ve had our differences and I was hoping that maybe we could start something.” A sheepish grin crossed his face.

“We did start something, we’re… friends.” Sunset replied.

“What if we start again, and try to get closer?” Flash asked.

“Maybe later,” Sunset sighed. She looked out the window. “Right now it’s best if we stay friends.”

Flash frowned.

“Flash, you’re a good guy and you deserve someone better than me.” Sunset said.

As she looked out the window she noticed a dark armored badass sneaking toward the entrance of the restaurant. Flash was talking about something or another but Sunset wasn’t paying any attention to him. The mystery person was more interesting than Flash.

A flashbang was thrown into the room. Sunset ducked under the table before it exploded. Everything went to hell.

The food war ended abruptly. Tex shielded the girls with a nearby table. He overturned it just as the flashbang exploded.

Ringing was all he could hear.

In front of him stood a soldier in black armor. The soldier tilted their head as if they were talking. Tex lifted an eyebrow.

“WHAT?!” Tex asked. He still couldn’t hear them. “Huh?”

The soldier shrugged then punched Tex. As he fell to the floor he saw a fiery blur rush to his aid.

Sunset saw Tex go down so she rushed to assist him. Even if all rational thoughts told her to stay away cause it was a stupid idea, she charged at the soldier. The fiery haired girl tackled the soldier like Brian Urlacher.

“God damn mother fu-” the soldier cursed.

“Who are you? What do you want with Tex?” Sunset growled.

“He’s got a hefty price on his head, and there’s only room for one Tex in this town.” Agent Tex said.

“Another Tex?” Sunset asked.

“Now get off of me.” Agent Tex said. She threw Sunset off of her and got up quickly. “Now to finish the mission.”

Sunset slowly got to her knees but there was a searing pain in her chest.

“Tex!” Sunset shouted. Helplessly she watched as Agent Tex took a knife and stabbed Tex. Then the soldier made a speedy escape.

Sunset staggered to Tex and knelt down beside him. She cradled him in her arms.

Tex opened his eyes and screamed.

“HOLY HAND GRENADE OF MORONI!” Tex shouted. He hopped up but instantly fell back on the ground in a pool of blood.

A few moments later a small purple dog burst into the restaurant holding a bottle in his mouth. Spike stopped in front of Sunset and dropped the bottle at her feet.

“Twilight guessed this would happen so she sent me to give this to you. I can’t give it to him cause I don’t like him that much.” Spike said.

“But I like you…” Tex groaned.

“I don’t like you that way.” Spike said.

“Ew…I don’t even like me that way…” Tex mumbled. He took a deep breath. “Hurk…I’m dead.”

Flash walked over and stood behind Sunset. He frowned at the sight of Tex’s bloody corpse on the ground.

“The only way to administer this is?” Sunset asked.

“To put it simple, a kiss will bring him back. You just need to drink that and kiss him.” Spike said.

“I’ll do it if you won’t,” Rarity said. She popped her head up from behind the table.

Fluttershy popped up next. Her cheeks were reddened. “I-uh I’ll do it.” She quietly said.

Flash took the bottle and drank it. He picked Tex up and kissed him. The kiss was a long and passionate one.

Tex wrapped his arms around Flash. When he opened his eyes he blinked then quickly pushed away. He examined his body and all of the wounds were healed.

“I don’t like you.” Tex growled.

Flash simply smiled then winked at him.

Tex helped Sunset up then he hugged her. He then picked her up and walked away with her.

Sunset tried to get away but she couldn’t quite break Tex’s vice-grip. The others watched as Tex left with Sunset. Spike didn’t know whether to go with him or stay with the others.

Spike then remembered Rarity was there so he stayed with them.

Tex continued carrying Sunset down the street. She had stopped trying to get away. Couples walking past them would turn to one another and ask why their partner wouldn’t do that for them.

“Can you put me down?” Sunset asked.

“No.” Tex answered.

Flash caught up with them and walked beside them.

“So…anyone up for a movie?” Flash asked.

“Why not?” Sunset shrugged.

“As long as I get to hold you.” Tex said.

Sunset pouted.

“Fair enough. Let’s go see a movie.” Flash said.

The trio was off to go see a movie. After the movie they returned to Sunset’s apartment.