Twilight makes Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner

by DJ_Whowhatwidit

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Violence, Dark, Death, Gore
Length: 4452

Twilight wakes up with her tummy making the rumblies for Mac and cheese. Murder, uh, I mean a hunt for Macaroni & Cheese ensues.

Twilight wakes up with the strange urge to make some Delicious Mac and Cheese. Unfortunately, Ponyville's Grocery store has run out, so Twilight will have to resort to desperate measures to get what she needs.

Contains: Totally not the murder of a innocent family for mac and cheese
Or a mass shooting...

Published 2016-11-05 02:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-05-19 01:42:25 UTC

Twilight makes Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner

It was a sunny morning when Ponyville's Alicorn Princess awoke. Twilight had been up all night reading the latest Daring Doo book. Twilight actually managed to finish the entire book before she went to sleep, and must have only gotten 4 hours of sleep. She was not that surprised when she looked at her nightstand, and saw that it was already 11 AM.

She got off her bed to go to the bathroom to freshen up. She splashed water on her face to get rid of her drowsiness, and then started to brush her teeth. It was when she started to brush her mane to look presentable to the public, did she notice that her tummy was making the rumblies, that only Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner could satisfy. She quickly finished brushing her mane to go downstairs to the castle’s kitchen and dining area.

But, to her dismay, when she reached the kitchen she none of the kitchen staff. That is when she realized that it was Sunday, and that her castle's staff had the day off. She would have to make her own Mac and Cheese. Twilight trotted into the kitchen, and used her magic to open all the pantry doors. She looked for a precious box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner. She looked and looked, but could not find any. She would have to venture to the Grocery store for her meal. Twilight teleported to her room, and put on a saddle bag. She took twenty bits with her to be on the safe side, and flew out the window.

She arrived at the Grocery in a few minutes, and looked for the pasta section. Twilight quickly found the aisle, and looked for a box of Mac and Cheese. She spotted it pretty quickly, it was a single box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner. A earth pony mother and her colt already had it, though. The two were skinny, dirty, and reeked. They walked past Twilight with the box, and Twilight knew she had to come up with a plan to get that box in her possession. She cast a tracking spell on the mother as they paid, and Twilight went home to prepare for what she was about to do.

When Twilight arrived to her room, she quickly looked through her closet for a safe, and unlocked it with her magic. Inside was a Black Glock, a Suppressor, and a fifteen round Magazine filled with sub-sonic rounds. She loaded the Magazine into the Glock, and put the Gun and suppressor into her saddle bag. She then flew out the window to seek for her treasure. She flew to grocery store, and activated her tracking spell. She then saw golden hoof prints that showed her where the mother had gone. She followed them to Ponyville's bridge. The prints went off the road and under the bridge. Twilight used her magic to take out the gun and suppressor. She then screwed it on, and peeked around the corner to see the underneath the bridge. The mother and son were there, boiling water on a homemade stove. The pot they were using was very old, if the black bottom had anything to say. The whole area was littered with empty cans of beans. Twilight soon spotted what she was looking for, the box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner. However, the young colt had it, and was reading the back. Twilight knew what she had to do.

'Nopony move!" She demanded, her gun hovering in her magic field. The young colt dropped the box, and ran into his mother's hooves. Twilight then used her magic to grab the box of Macaroni & Cheese. "Sorry guys, but no witnesses." Twilight said. She pointed the gun at the pair, and fired. Blood splattered on the concrete arch, and both screamed out in pain. The bullet had hit the colt first, and went through his lung, and into his mother's stomach. The colt started coughing up blood as he fell to the floor. Twilight then aimed the gun at the mother, who was clutching her stomach. Twilight fired again.

This time, it was the mother's turn to get hit in the lung. Twilight fired again, and again, and again. The mother was riddled with ten holes, and one had hit her neck, which was pouring out blood to the the river, coloring it red. Twilight turned her gun to the colt, who looked into her eyes, begging for mercy. But, luck was not with the young colt today, as Twilight unloaded five more rounds into the colt's chest. The gun clicked empty, so Twilight put the gun back in her saddlebag. Twilight now needed to get rid of the bodies. Luckily, Twilight knew that the river went into the Everfree, where a hungry Manticore wouldn't mind a free meal. Twilight used her magic to slide the bodies into the river, where they floated away. She then used a spell to clean up her mess before flying back to the castle for a nice meal.

When Twilight reached her room she threw her saddlebag inside her closet, and raced to the kitchen to prepare her delicious Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner. She raided the kitchen for a stick of butter, 1/4 cup of milk, a pot, a strainer, and finally a wooden spoon. She set all of the ingredients on the counter next to the stove, and filled her pot with seven cups of water from the sink. She put the pot on the stove, and set the stove to high heat. In five minutes it was boiling, and Twilight then added the delicious Macaroni. She stirred the pasta with the wooden spoon, and let it cook.

In twelve minutes, the Macaroni was soft, so Twilight turned off the heat and put the strainer in the sink. She then emptied out the pot's contents into the strainer. After all the water was gone, Twilight poured the Macaroni back onto the pot. She set the pot back on the stove, and added the milk, half a stick of butter, and the Cheese dust. Twilight stirred the contents together like a machine, and when she was done, she placed the wooden spoon in the sink, and threw all the trash away. Twilight retrieved a bowl and a spoon, and while looking for the bowl, she noticed a box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner in the corner. Turns out, she had a box of cheesy goodness this whole time.

"Oh well, more for next time!" Twilight said happily as she emptied out the pot's contents into the bowl.

Twilight sat down in the Dining Room, and dug into her well deserved meal.

Twilight gets arrested for making Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner

Author's Note

Get ready for this shitstorm that I wrote in like thirty minutes.

Twilight gets arrested for making Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner

It had been a pretty normal day for Fluttershy until around 12 AM. She had been tending to the local frogs in the stream that ran near her house. That is when she spotted something among the lily pads. It seemed to be trapped in the lily pads, and was not moving. Perhaps it was a animal in distress?

Fluttershy cautiously trotted to the supposed animal in distress. Unfortunately for Fluttershy, instead of an animal, she found two dead bodies floating upside down in the water. One was a small colt, and the other a mare. Both were full of holes that no longer had blood to pour, thus resulting in grey coats that both ponies had.

Twilight was enjoying a delicious meal of Macaroni & Cheese when a faraway knock on the castle’s main doors alerted her of some visitors. Twilight left her food, and walked to the main doors at a quick pace. She made it there by the second series of hard knocks, and opened the door. She was greeted by two Police officers.

“Hello Princess Twilight Sparkle. You are wanted for questioning.” One of the officers said.

“Of course, let me just turn off the stove!” Twilight said with a wide smile. The officer simply grunted. But of course, Twilight didn’t go to turn off any stove. She went back to her room, and dug through her trusty closet yet again. It didn’t take long to find what she was looking for. She used her magic to pull out a Sawed-off Shotgun, and a pouch that was filled with Buckshot rounds, for maximum damage at close range. She had other plans for any far away targets.

Pretty soon, Twilight was back at the door, her Shotgun floating out of view in her field of magic.

She opened the door, and the officers were already bored after just having waited two minutes.

“I’m ready to go now.” Twilight said with her wide smile as she floated her Shotgun down, and fired her first shot. A dozen tiny pellets hit the commanding officer in the chest, his blue uniform quickly becoming a dark red. Twilight chambered another round before the second officer could draw his service weapon, and shot. A dozen more rounds hit the officer, albeit this time most pellets hit his neck, causing blood to pour down onto his blue uniform, also causing it to become red like his now dead companion.

Twilight closed the doors, and flew upstairs, She knew she didn’t have much time before one of many tourists that came to visit the new castle noticed the bodies, and called for Police.Twilight placed her Shotgun on her bed momentarily as she searched for a weapon with some range. A M4A1 with a box magazine would suit her needs. Also, who couldn’t do without a RPG-7?

In the end, Twilight had a cluster fuck of weapons and ammunition in her magical field, all floating above her head, ready to shoot. Once Twilight deemed she was ready, she went downstairs, and back to the dining area. She had to finish her Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner after all. When Twilight returned to her hard earned meal, it was lukewarm. A quick spell fixed that. Twilight placed her rump on the plush chair and kept going from where she left off, eating Macaroni & Cheese. She finished pretty quickly, and placed the dishes in the sink, this whole time holding what must have been triple her body weight in guns and ammo with her magic. It was then when she heard the police arrive outside, due to loudspeaker telling to come out with her hooves up. Twilight, however, was having none of this, and went to the castle’s single balcony that was usually used for speeches and such. However, today it would be used as a height advantage.

Twilight set a magic barrier that gave her some cover, and got right down to business. She let loose her M4A1, hitting many surprised cops, who had to retreat behind cover to avoid Twilight’s onslaught. However, not everypony was lucky enough to escape the hail of bullets. Six of twenty officers were struck, and three were lucky enough to die instantly, with wounds to the head, and heart. Sadly, three officers were very much still alive and in agony. Twilight shut them up with a quick burst to each of them.

Twilight ducked into cover to cool her gun, as it was starting to get pretty hot. A spell fixed that. She then got out of her protective cover, and started shooting. The cops were however smart enough to stay in cover. They had probably called for SWAT already. Twilight would have to get ready for pesky armor that those ponies had. Twilight aimed her RPG at the group of trees most of the cops were hiding behind, and fired the grenade. The inaccurate piece of shit’s path was helped with some magic, and it hit true, landing in the greatest concentration of ponies. Shrapnel flew, as did ponies and pink pony brain.

Twilight then saw a armored carriage, probably belonging to the SWAT. She loaded another Grenade into the tube, but by then, the squad of tactical ponies were at her door, and already breaching. Twilight would have to deal with this pretty soon. Twilight left the balcony and disabled the magic shield. She knew this castle pretty well, and that these SWAT ponies would have to come a certain way to get to the balcony. It was a single hallway, at which Twilight was waiting at end of, laying down to remain hidden, All her weapons were floating around the corner, where the intruders could not see them. So Twilight waited.

At the five minute mark, Twilight’s patience paid off. The squad came around the corner. Twilight waited until all of them were out of cover to unleash her payload. A rocket propelled grenade went sailing down the corridor, landing behind the last pony in the squad, sending them all flying. Their guns out of their grasp, the two who survived the blast were left defenseless as Twilight aimed her M4, and fired two shots.

Twilight waited a few more minutes before going down the hallway herself, knowing that more cops were on their way. She soon reached the stairs that went to the first floor, and walked down, keeping all her guns pointed in front of her. She soon reached the end of the stairs, which lead to another long hallway. At the end, were the main doors, which were closed. Twilight was starting to get tired, so she went back upstairs, through the dead bodies, and back to her room. She dropped her bundle of weapons, and was surprised that the RPG grenades didn’t explode after having all those guns land on them. Oh well, as if it mattered. Twilight then placed her hooves on below her ears, and slowly slid up, as if taking off a pair of headphones. Instead of seeing her gameroom however, Twilight sees that she is still in her room, with police sirens still wailing outside. She tried again. Nothing changed. She tried once more. Nothing. It was at this moment that Twilight realized how much shit she was in, and that she forgot to put on her VR headset to play Grand Theft Carriage Ponyville edition.

She also realized that she killed a homeless family for Macaroni & Cheese.

Twilight Goes to prison for making Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner

The sound of fluorescent lighting caused Twilight to grow mad as she waited for what was now three hours in an interrogation room. The pain emanating from the inside of her head exacerbated her discomfort in the dimly lit room. Twilight looked around the room for what she felt was the thousandth time, trying to ignore the pain in her neck as she turned to survey her surroundings.

Twilight was in a small interrogation room, sitting on a plain metal chair with both of her hooves shackled to iron cuffs bolted to a strong metal table, which itself was anchored securely to the cold concrete floor. She grimaced as her movement to glance at the reflection in the one-way mirror to her right caused the numerous bruises on the mare's body to overtake her with sharp pain. The pounding pain in her head seemed to flare up.

She looked in the mirror directly at her horn, which was capped with some type of metal object that served to nullify her magic. Twilight looked away from the mirror to the table where a black tape recorder sat, waiting. The mare flinched as a sudden series of knocks on the door startled her. The door opened as a large and older earth pony stallion walked in, his blue suit adding contrast to the dingy white room. He wore a neutral, somewhat calming look on his face. The sound of the police station offices behind him distracted Twilight somewhat as the stallion cleared his throat and started to speak.

“Miss, how are you today?” the stranger said, looking at the numerous injuries on Twilight's body before he decided against formalities. He continued to speak before Twilight could think of an answer.

“My name is Detective Bronco, may I get your name?” Bronco said with a light smile as he closed the door behind him. The sound of the office was drowned out with near silence, broken only by the incessant buzzing of the lighting. Twilight licked the inside of her dry mouth before nervously answering the question.

“My name is Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight avoided his gaze by looking at the mirror once again. Detective Bronco stole a glance at the mirror as he trotted around Twilight to take the seat opposite of the purple pony, his back facing the wall as he plopped down on the uncomfortable seat. Twilight didn't notice. In fact, she started sweating, intimidated by the large stallion opposite to her.

“Can I ask for something?” Twilight said, still avoiding eye contact with Detective Bronco. He smiled, nodding as he leaned on the table as if to lend her an ear, holding his face with a cream-colored hoof.

“May I have a cigarette? I'm really nervous.” Twilight finally looked at Detective Bronco, shooting a nervous grin for an instant before recoiling in pain from her injuries. Detective Bronco looked unimpressed, before taking his turn to speak.

“Well, Miss Twilight, you'd have to do something for me. I have plenty of questions about something that happened today, and I'd like to hear your side of the story!” Bronco grinned as he ended his sentence, making eye contact.

Twilight knew what Detective Bronco was trying to do, she'd read numerous crime solving mystery dime novels in her many years of reading, not to mention casual perusing of police textbooks when she'd run out of material to read. Her nerves won out, and she nodded meekly.

Without a word, Bronco left his spot across from Twilight and made his way back to the door. He opened it a crack where he whispered to a pony unseen before closing the door and making his way back to his seat. He sat down before speaking again. “I can get you out of one of those cuffs, but you'll have to promise to not try anything stupid.”

Twilight's answer came quickly.

“N-no no I won't do anything like that!” Twilight said, disbelief in her voice. Detective Bronco seemed to believe her as he produced a small key from his suit pocket. He fiddled awkwardly with the shackles on Twilight's hooves, freeing her right hoof. She rubbed her leg on her furry, disheveled coat, a large red mark from the cuffs adding to her discomfort.

“Miss Twilight, considering the fact that I'd like to ask you a few questions, I have something to read to you.” Bronco said as he took out a small flip book from a second coat pocket, opening his mouth to read the small words before being interrupted by the well-read mare.

“If these are my Neighranda rights, please don't bother, I read it in a book-” it was her turn to be interrupted as detective Bronco cut her off.

“Twilight please, it's department policy.” the unimpressed Bronco said, used to this behavior from some of his more well-read prisoners. He continued once he was sure she wouldn't challenge his authority.

“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of Celestia, you have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, you will be appointed one by the courts. Do you understand the rights I just read to you?” Detective Bronco asked in a practiced voice, almost rushing through the list.

“I understand, sir.” Twilight said, embarrassed by her earlier outburst. She jumped in her seat slightly as the buzzing in the room was once again interrupted by a series of knocks on the door in front of her. The pony knocking didn't bother with a response before coming in. A light blue colored Pegasus entered the room wearing nothing but a lanyard with a badge identifying his position as a police officer. Twilight stole a glance at his cutie mark, a pair of hoofcuffs, as he made his way to the table.

“Thank you, Chaser.” Detective Bronco nodded as Chaser placed a carton of cigarettes and a silver colored lighter on the table in front of him, nearly out of Twilight's reach. Chaser left without a word, returning Detective Bronco and Twilight Sparkle to the sound of the fluorescent lighting. She took a moment to observe the carton that Chaser had dropped off, a white and red box of Neighboro brand cigarettes, tempting the mare.

Bronco took the carton, opening the packaging and sliding a single cigarette out. His movements were somewhat awkward as he motioned for Twilight's free hoof. She gripped the cigarette in an even clumsier and unpracticed manner than the earth pony did, her reliance on magic hindering the task on hand. Twilight eventually managed to put the cigarette in her mouth, and leaned in as Bronco picked up the lighter and lit her cigarette. The cherry red ember glowed as Twilight inhaled with a deep breath, taking the Cowpony Killer into her hoof as she took a deep breath in. She held in the smoke for a second or two before exhaling a plume of smoke not unlike Spike would into the air away from Detective Bronco's face. The mare calmed down almost instantly, relaxing in her seat as she took a deep sigh of pleasure. Bronco broke the silence.

“Do you know why we're here today?” he asked, eyebrow raised. Twilight nodded a yes.

“What exactly happened today?” Bronco asked.

“I just wanted some Macaroni and cheese.” Twilight said, taking another drag.

Twilight searched through the shelves, reading title through title, looking for another book to add to her small cart. In moments like these, she greatly missed Spike's help, his skills in a library like no other. The mare eventually picked a book at random, tossing it into her cart with practiced ease, her horn capped with a metal instrument. The prison's library didn't have much choice in reading materials anyway, resembling a small study instead of a proper library.

Satisfied, Twilight pushed her cart out of the library and into the hallway, making her way to the cell block. The iron gates at the end of the hallway opened for her, a watchful guard in his station nodding to her as she passed the checkpoint. The prison librarian made her way into the cell block, passing fellow prisoners in the common area.

“Books! Books for the week, come get 'em!” Twilight shouted, not attracting the attention of many ponies, except for one. A younger earth pony mare, her white coat visible through her orange jumpsuit, the fur well taken care of and shiny. A rarity in the prison, as there was no shampoo in the commissary. The unknown mare trotted to the cart, grinning as she picked out the book Twilight had carelessly tossed in earlier.

“I love Daring Doo! I'm new here, I don't think we've met!” the mare said, smiling as she used her free hoof to shake Twilight's own. Twilight smiled, distant memories of her adventures with her friends ten years ago flooding into her mind.

“I'm Twilight Sparkle! I run the library, as I'm sure you can see. What's your name? Are you new?” Twilight asked, a squee escaping her lips as she grinned ear to ear. The earth pony smiled back before answering the flurry of questions Twilight threw her way.

“I'm Sugar Spice, and yes, I'm new! It's my first day in the slammer.” Sugar Spice said with a small chuckle. “Say, I've already read this one, do you have any more in the library?”

“Of course! Come with me, I'm sure the guards won't mind!” Twilight said cheerfully, leading her new friend back towards the checkpoint that led to the library, leaving the cart behind. She took no notice of the open gate, and the guard missing from his post. They quickly made it to the library, where Twilight went to work searching the shelves. She took no notice of the closing door.

Without warning, Sugar Spice covered Twilight's mouth, taking the purple mare by surprise as the white mare took a shank from her orange jumpsuit's front pocket. Sugar Spice used the makeshift blade, stabbing Twilight in the chest in quick succession numerous times. Twilight tried to cry out, but all her strength quickly left her as Sugar Spice put her on the ground in a quickly growing pool of Twilight's own blood.

“That's for my mom and brother, you monster.” Sugar Spice said with malice and disgust as she dropped the shank on the floor, and made her way to the exit. Twilight tried to scream, only to start coughing up blood from her mouth. Sugar Spice didn't look back as she stepped out, and slammed the door behind her, leaving the dying mare to her fate. Twilight reached her hoof out in vain, almost as if to reach for the door handle across the room from her spot on the warm and sticky floor.

Twilight was choking, choking on her own blood, and she knew, she knew what was happening to her. Twilight turned over on her stomach with a struggle, unable to cough as the air in her lungs was quickly being replaced with blood. She tried to stand up, but quickly fell flat. The mare tried to scream, but only the sound of her gurgling filled the room. Twilight laid on her side as her strength left her, feeling the urge to shiver as her body grew cold. Her vision was blurring, and she was panicking.

Twilight tried to cry out again, and tried to use her hooves to put pressure on her numerous stab wounds. Both attempts failed, blood covering her mouth and her body too weak to put any meaningful pressure on her wounds. The desperate mare tried one last time to improve her situation as her vision started to fail her, trying to flap her wings with all her strength. She had to make it to the door, Twilight knew she wouldn't be found in time if she didn't make it.

Her wings lightly twitched, nothing more. In that moment, the mare relaxed, her vision going dark as she laid her head on the bloody floor.

Twilight Sparkle died in that room, alone and without her friends.

Author's Note

The long awaited update that nobody asked for is finally here after 8 years :)

This is canon btw