I slowly opened my eyes, wishing as I did every morning that there was more time to sleep. Unfortunately, the tiny beam of light that came in through the dungeon window had again managed to shine in perfectly into my eyes, making sleep impossible. That meant that it was time to get up. Reluctantly I turned my body, allowing my eyes to escape the small ray of sunlight and once again be plunged into darkness. And then I felt it, Pain, immense and excruciating. I could do nothing but curl into a ball and clench my teeth as my body spasmed uncontrollably, remembering all of the poorly healed cuts and broken bones that I had received over the years.
As always, the pain eventually died down, and I was once again able to control my movements. I arched my back and pushed my wings towards the ceiling, stretching my body to the fullest extent, letting out a content groan as my joints popped one by one. I gave a sad smile my wingtips touched the low ceiling, remembering a time I could barely touch the ceiling when I stood on two legs, back before I knew all the pain that came with growing up in a place like this. After finishing the stretch, I stepped off my poor excuse for a bed and began to walk towards my father on the other side of the room. His large form barely fit under the blanket he was using. But even sleeping, he radiated strength. With a dark blue coat, black mane, and a wingspan impressive by any standards, he was intimidating to most ponies.
Looking down, I saw my brother asleep on the floor. He was different then father, small and almost fragile looking, with a lighter blue coat and gray mane. His wings and fangs were small for his age, probably from malnutrition. I tried to imagine him as a powerful stallion like father, but it didn’t seem to fit, he was too much like mother. As I watched him he curled himself into a ball, presumably missing the warmth of mother sleeping next to him. She would have left about an hour before too start getting breakfast ready.
Approaching my father, I heard him mumbling in his sleep, another dream no doubt. I felt bad for having to wake him when he was enjoying himself, but the guards would be upset if he was late. It took a few tries, but I finally managed to get him to stir. He let out a loud yawn, causing my brother to wake as well. “Nice dream?” I asked politely.
“I was dreaming we didn’t live in this Celestia damned place.”
I sighed, wishing that I didn’t have to constantly hear his impossible dreams, but my brother seemed interested. “Where did we live daddy?” My father took a minute to think, before sweeping his hoof in front of him dramatically.
“It was a big house. You had your own room, so did your sister, and mommy and I. There were no bars on the doors, nopony telling us when we could leave, we just could. There was a kitchen where mommy would make the meals, only she wouldn’t be told when to make them or what to make. And there was a living room, with a sofa and books. I would sit there and read, watching through the large window to where you and your sister would play games in the yard. Whatever games you wanted, and your sister wasn’t in pain the whole time. She looked just like she did when she was a little filly.”
He had a longing smile on his face, and my brother soon joined him, imagining it. “Please don’t tell him stories like that father... We were born here, this is all we know, and it’s probably all we will ever know, no matter how much we want otherwise.” I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth, knowing what was coming next.
My father’s smile dimmed, but still stayed on his face, “Maybe we can’t have all that. But we can live better, if you win today.” His words caused me to hide my face in my mane, not wanting to show the obvious fear that ran across it. “Yeah… I guess.”
I heard him approach me, but didn’t move till I felt his hoof under my chin, gently turning my head to look at him. “You listen to me, crimson dawn. You don’t need to be afraid of your fight today, or any fight in the future. Because you have us, your family. We are batponies, the strongest race in Equestria, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. We are here because they were afraid of us, and what we could do. And we could do all of it because we know where we come from, and will fight to protect our families and our honor. You know that better than anyone. But your opponent, he doesn’t understand that. He lives away from the law, finding joy in hurting other ponies, and you will stop him. For your family, and for all the other batponies imprisoned here and everywhere else. Luna’s will guides you.”
His speech was nice, but nothing I hadn’t heard before. It still made me smile however, that is, until my brother spoke up. “If Luna can guide her, why can’t Luna just free us from prison.”
I replied quickly, having practiced the response many times to save is young mind, even if I didn’t believe it, it was better than telling him the truth. “Dusk keeper, we aren’t in prison. You know this. We haven’t done anything wrong. We just… We work for master, and he likes to keep good track of his employees.”
Unfortunately, Dusk still looked skeptical. “That isn’t what the others say. They say we are slaves and that even with Luna back, nothing has changed. That ponies still hate us and don’t want to see us.”
This time father responded, “Don’t you listen to them. They don’t know what they are talking about. Luna will come for us any day now, you’ll see. Until then though, keeping working hard. And get ready, the guards will let us out soon. You don’t want to miss your sisters big fight do you? She is going to be the champion.” I smiled to him encouragingly, but didn’t feel it. They made it sound so easy, like my being champion would make their whole lives easier. And maybe it would, but they weren’t the ones that had to get there.
After the guards let us out of our rooms, I spent most of the day by myself. Usually there would have been things I had to do, the daily work was constant and unforgiving, but today was different. Today I would be fighting in the arena for the title of champion. So I sat beside one of the windows, enjoying the sunlight as I lost myself in thought. It was a long tradition with our master, he used the batponies under him to fight in the arena so that he could bet on them. My father had done it, but he didn’t win very often. During one of his fights he was severely injured. He hadn’t been able to fight properly after that, so he was once again just a normal worker. I worried about him though, knowing the firsthand how much pain he had to be in. He said he didn’t feel it anymore, but I could see that he was lying. There were even times late at night that he got the same spasms that I do.
I laughed to myself, shaking my head. Today wasn’t about my father or his past, today I would do what he never could. I would win against the champion. Or at least, that’s what I wanted to think. I curled myself into a ball, wrapping my wings around myself and wishing for once that the fear would leave me. Why couldn’t I be as sure as my father was. I sighed, nuzzling my head against my wing, a weird action for most, but it comforted me. My wings were strong, large for my age, but they were also mostly free of scars. My wings were the things that continuously went untouched by pain, even as my body was broken and bruised. They reminded me that I still had strength left, that I had grown up through all the pain and hardship, and that I would continue to be strong.
My mother always made sure that I cared for my wings no matter what, or when I was to injured, she would do it for me. She knew what they meant to me. They were an anchor, just like she was, one of the things I used to tie my sanity down and keep my pushing forward. Sometimes in a world as cruel as this, you needed more than one. As strong as my love for my family is, sometimes, it just wasn’t enough. I laughed again, but it was a dry laugh, an attempt to distract myself from the sadness. Maybe mother was right, this isn’t the life I was meant for. A filly shouldn’t even be allowed in the arena; they would all say. But master picked me, because of my father probably. He was strong, and I had the same strength, at least physically. Hidden beneath the red mane and cream color coat, was the same muscled build as him. And nopony would deny my skill.
Two years now I had been fighting, and already I had a chance to be champion. If I don’t drop dead first, the thought crossed my mind before I could stop it, bringing with it another wave of pain. I sighed, mother was right. This wasn’t the life that I was meant to lead, but it wasn’t the life any of us were meant for. None of this was. We were slaves. I hated the word to the core of my being, but I also knew that it was true, and that it would always be true no matter how much we fought against it. So I sighed, clearing my head. It may not be the life I’m meant to lead, but it’s better for me then for anypony else. And with that thought I shakily stood, attempting to stretch my wings once more before walking off towards the arena. It was almost time.
The arena was a large circle sheer white walls that had long ago been stained red. There were seats all around, allowing ponies the best possible vantage points for the fights. The ground was covered in sand that smelled faintly of blood. The smell made me think back to how much of my blood was mixed in with that sand, and I quickly realized how much there truly was. Anypony who saw me could tell I was the fighter, even if they didn’t know me. The hundreds of scars that covered my body gave that away easily. My father said the scars were signs of strength, my mother said they were beautiful, but everypony else used harsher words to describe them. I was sitting in the waiting wing of the stands, trying to avoid the other ponies that walked around, which wasn’t much off a problem since they tended to avoid me.
I was the last fight, so I had been waiting for a long time. And honestly, the longer I waited the more fear I felt. But there was something else too, a loneliness that came with being here. Only my family had been allowed to come. Not that I had a lot of other friends, but at least the batponies were familiar. That wasn’t the case here. No matter how many times I stood in this corner, I felt the same uneasy fear at the unknown surroundings. Family was what made us strong, home represented strength. But my family could only watch me here, weather I succeeded or failed. And in this place, failure meant death. Luckily I didn’t get to much time to think about that because I was finally called out into the arena.
My entrance was met with many boos, as it always was, but there was less this time. For once, my being a mare, or a batpony, didn’t matter as much as who I was fighting. I had earned their respect in a sick, twisted way. Though any confidence that came from that quickly vanished when my opponent entered. The cheers were louder than any booing could ever be, and it made sense why. He was an earth pony, muscular beyond what I thought was possible, and if I thought I had a lot of scars, it was nothing compared to him. I’m not sure what color his coat was supposed to be, but every inch of him looked pure blood red. He gave a loud shout, encouraging the crowd, before looking right at me. He didn’t speak, but his message was very clear. There would be blood spilled tonight, and he didn’t intend for it to be his.
That look was all I needed. With a practiced concentration, the entire crowd died away, the entire world ceased to exist in my mind. It was just myself and this pony, and I wasn’t going to lose. There was supposed to be a bell, but I didn’t wait for it, and neither did he. We charged at each other, meeting in the middle of the arena before the crowd had even died down. He swung at me and I dived under it, using my wings to stabilize myself and jump onto his back. I gave a few punches to the back of his head before jumping back, hoping to avoid retaliation. Unfortunately, he was ready. As I jumped he grabbed my rear hoof and slammed me into the ground. A grunt was the only thing to leave my lips as I heard two of my ribs break from the impact.
He was amazingly strong, but I was used to the pain. I rolled out of the way as he tried to stomp on me, kicking out his back leg and sending him falling to the ground. I backed up, using the time to take large breaths of air. Breathing was hard with broken ribs, and I couldn’t afford to get lightheaded. He got up, looking angry, and charged at me again. I dodged the punch and positioned myself beneath him. Flapping my wings for added force, I lifted his back half into the air making him lose his balance and fall to the ground. I quickly dropped the part of him I was supporting and moved to buck him in the chest. I jumped back before he was able to grab me, but not before hearing the satisfying snap of his ribs.
We were even. I smiled at this, looking at him with increased fire in my eyes. But when he looked back, I saw something that I shouldn’t have, fear. The look of pure dread in his eyes stunned me, even as he ran and punched again. His hoof hit my shoulder, dislocating it at best, breaking it at worst. I was normally able to tell the difference, but right then I was focusing on a different feeling, unicorn magic. My opponent wasn’t as good as he looked, he was getting help. Augmented strength, and I noticed healing as well when he moved to stand over me. I could see the ribs moving back into place in his chest.
The panic came back then, all of the fire leaving my body as my instincts kicked in. I bucked him hard in the stomach and punched him in the jaw, knocking him off me temporarily. Then I did the only thing I could think of, I ran.
I flew as fast as my wings could carry me towards the still closed exit. I didn’t have time to think, only move. However, it felt as if I was flying through water, my wings met resistance, halting my movement almost entirely. More magic. I stopped struggling and turned around to see him running at me again. His mouth was open, jaw tense. He was going to bite me, aiming straight for my neck. I moved painfully slowly, but had managed to just barely dodge him. As he lunged just past me, I felt the magic press on my wings again. No, only one wing. Why would he use magic on only one wing? That’s when it came, the pain. And with it, I realized that it wasn’t magic I was feeling. His jaw was locked at the base of my left wing.
I struggled to pull away, but the pressure remained. The whole world faded in and out of black as the pain threatened to chase away my consciousness. I heard a scream, my scream, shrill and panicked. Then suddenly, the pressure was gone, but the pain stayed. I dropped to the ground, unable to focus on anything as I saw blood pooling around me, my blood. I couldn’t move, only watch as it stained my coat and my wings, like I was the canvas for some cruel art. I thought of my family, how I had failed in giving them a better life. I started crying then, my tears joining my blood on my coat. “Forgive me…” I rasped out. Not sure who it was meant for.
Maybe my father, who lost the chance to live his dream of a better life. Maybe my mother, who had told me to give this up so long ago. Maybe my brother, who would grow up knowing so little about his older sister. Maybe Luna, whose will was lost on me… No matter who it was, it wouldn’t matter for long, I could see the champion coming towards me again, blood staining his lips. This time, he wasn’t going to miss my neck, and for once I didn’t mind. There was no point to keep living as a failure, in constant pain and oppression. He opened his mouth, coming closer and closer, until the world finally went black. For the last time.
My eyes opened slowly. There was light all around me and I felt an almost weightless feeling. I smiled, “Finally, I’m free.” I knew I would miss my family, but maybe it was for the better. They would have new chances and new opportunities, and I wouldn’t be there to hold them back. As if on cue, my family’s faces appeared around me. My mother and my brother to the right, my father on my left. I was happy to get to see their smiling faces one last time. Only, they weren’t smiling. No, there was a different emotion in the air. My father wore a deep frown, bags under his eyes like he hadn’t been sleeping. My mother had tracks of tears on her cheeks, and my brother was hiding in her mane.
I took a breath so I could speak to them, but that’s when I felt it. Pain, as the familiar feeling of tight bandages pressed against my chest. Instead of a breath, the only noise was a raspy groan. My body shuddered like it always did when I woke up, but this time, I didn’t need to curl into a ball. The pain from the arena was worse than this, worse then everything I had ever felt before. They were speaking now, my family, but I couldn’t hear them. My mind had gone back to that moment, and all I could feel were his teeth on my wing. All of the emotions that I had while lying on the ground came back to me, and now I did curl into a ball. But not from pain, I just didn’t want them to see me cry.
As my crying finally subsided I began to hear their voices, panicked and desperate. I turned to look at them, trying again to speak, but I could still only manage a groan. “Shh,” I felt my father’s hoof on my side. “It’s OK Crimson, you are alive, just relax.” I had figured that out by now, but hearing it was still a shock. “Wh- What happened…” I managed to cough out after a few more tries.
My mother was the one to explain. “After you passed out, he went for your neck, but he stopped at the last second. Started going insane. He had a heart attack and died in the arena.” My hearing still wasn’t the best, but I could hear my dad mumble from behind me, ‘Serves him right.’
My mother didn’t seem to notice and went to continue, but I interrupted her. “Uni- Unicorn…” My mother didn’t seem to understand but my father did. His reaction was beyond rage, he just sat down, purely defeated. “They had always said he was under the control of a unicorn, but no one ever thought…” He trailed off, the words losing themselves in his emotion. He looked like he was about to storm off, but then his eyes locked on me. They softened quickly, he remembered his family was the most important thing, and nodded his head. But the anger was still there. Mother didn’t say anything about it, just continued her story, fighting back tears as she did.
“They- They brought you back here, and bandaged you up the best they could but… you know how it is. You have been asleep for three days. And then yesterday… they… they-“ She broke down crying, gripping my brother tightly. My father tapped me then, taking up the conversation. “Crimson, I want to show you something.” Even he sounded choked up, the anger so quickly gone from his eyes. I watched him stand up, go over to a wall and take down a case, bringing it back over to show to me. Inside was a wing, pale like my coat, with red waves painted into it. It looked beautiful, but then I read the caption. It was from master, ‘to remember her by.’
It all sunk into place then. My mother cried harder and my brother joined her. But for me, all I could do was stare at it in awe. The world around me seemed to stop, and all I saw was the wing. It looked as if it had been hoof painted, the red of my blood making delicate swirls, laced with the tracks of my tears. But then I looked closer, I could see the severed edge and the bite marks at the base. And from there, I could see it all. The muscle, the size, everything that had come to be as I grew up, no, as I survived this world. It was like watching my life go by, only, with each memory I watched, I felt it fade away. Into that wing, the beautiful unblemished reminder of who I was. Those memories weren’t mine anymore. I didn’t deserve them.
Finally, after what could have been hours, I spoke, my voice cold and emotionless after losing all of my past and all of my life to that wing. I was a husk now, emotionless, broken. “It’s mine, isn’t it.” My father only nodded. “That’s it then. I’m done here.”
He nodded again, turning his head away, but his voice was unable to hide his crying. “you are being shipped off tomorrow. You are to injured, and no one else wants you. You get to see the princess; you get to live your life.” He couldn’t continue, but I understood. It had happened once before. One of the workers had a bunch of crates fall on him. He lived, but couldn’t walk. The master had chosen to send him out into the world. None of us knew where the house was, magic made sure of that. So that pony had been able to be free.
We had been told that he had died later that week from starvation.
I let father take the wing back, my wing, and then we all shared a hug. Family, the most important thing to a batpony. It is what makes us strong. And I was seeing mine for the last time. I said goodbye to each of them, and told them to be strong. I didn’t have the strength for more words, they knew that, so we just enjoyed the moment. ‘May Luna’s will guide you.’ The last words I would ever hear from my mother. My father simply said goodbye, and my brother didn’t speak at all as I kissed his forehead. I felt the strength physically draining out of me as they backed away. “I need to sleep some more,” I managed to say. And they listened, going to lay down in their respective beds.
I felt bad for lying to them, but I needed space to think. As my strength, my will, left my body. No, they had been gone since I lost my wing, I was just realizing it now. But without my family there, with my wing on the wall next to me, looking more beautiful than I ever could, I snapped. Every ounce of strength and will I had lost was replaced with something else. A fierce anger that filled the void well, all with the feel of his teeth echoing in my head. My life was over, no wing, no money, no family, no anything. Outside I would be hated, it was a death sentence, but suddenly I didn’t mind. Because I hated them to. I hated all of them because this was their fault, they were the ones that let my family be enslaved, that let me be born, that let me fight… They were the ones that wouldn’t let me die, no matter how much I wanted it, no matter how much I needed it, it was their fault I was still alive, and that made me mad more than anything.
I knew what mother would say, that Luna had given me this opportunity to be free. My father would probably even agree with her. But not me. I hated the ponies that did this to me, I hated them more than I had hated anything ever. If I had been paying attention, I would have been able to hear myself screaming, and be able to see the concerned looks from my family. But I couldn’t. And then, all at once, it stopped. For a moment I was free, like I really was dead. In that millisecond, I smiled. But as my anger broke, my heart dropped, and the sadness hit me so hard I threw up. It was like a punishment, no, it was a punishment. For my smile, my happiness. I didn’t even bother wiping my lips, I cried then. Ignoring the pain, I clawed at my chest, screaming, trying to take away the pain, or my life. It wasn’t really clear right then, just a blur. It was in those screams and tears then I fell asleep. But even in my dreams I still cried, still clawed at my chest. Because the pain would never go away, no matter what I did. Even death couldn’t save me now…
