When I started watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pinkie Pie was my least favorite character.
Honestly, I just don't like fourth wall-breaking characters in general. There should be a clear division between reality and fiction.
It didn't bother me that much at first. In the first episode, right before she meets Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie just turns to the camera and says "Hi, Nathan!" in a chipper voice. I was definitely surprised, don't get me wrong, but I could live with that level of metafiction. It might even be fun to have a character that speaks to the audience occasionally. And at the end of the two-part pilot, when she turned to the camera and said "Thanks for watching, Nathan! I hope I see you again!", that was actually a pretty cute touch.
Of course I was a little freaked out that she used my name, but that was obviously just a coincidence. What was really surprising was that no one online seemed to think much of it. As far as I could tell, there were no other Nathans out there who got freaked out, or any non-Nathans who just ended up confused. And when I asked, no one even seemed to know what I was talking about, so maybe it wasn't as noticeable as I thought.
But it got harder and harder to ignore. In the third episode, Ticket Master, Pinkie Pie mostly ignored the other characters in favor of talking to the camera. "Hey again, Nathan!" she said. "Do you have a girlfriend? What kind of girls do you like?"
I didn't say anything, of course. "Come on, talk to me!" said the pink pony, with a giggle. "I can hear you!"
I still didn't say anything. I wanted to see where this scene was going. Any second, I expected it to cut away to the next scene, or for another character - one not familiar with the fourth wall - to ask Pinkie who she was talking to. But nothing happened - Pinkie Pie just kept staring at me, occasionally blinking and changing the angle of her head.
After about a minute, I finally spoke. "Yeah," I said, and Pinkie's ears perked up. "I have a girlfriend."
"Oh!" said Pinkie. It was pretty incredible coincidence that Pinkie chose that exact moment to speak. I'm sure there were lots of people who had spoken earlier and been disappointed when she didn't respond, but for me it was seamless, as if the character was really hearing me and responding. "What's she like? Is she pretty?"
I waited again, and Pinkie was silent. After a while, I gave up and answered. "Yeah," I said, "she's pretty."
"Ooh!" said Pinkie. "Do you have a picture of her? Show me!"
I waited for longer this time. Longer than the minute I'd waited the first time. "Come on!" she said, "I want to see what kind of girls you like!"
"No," I responded, this time without thinking. "I don't want to."
Pinkie's mouth sank into a disappointed frown. "Okay," she said, scraping the ground softly with her front hoof. "I'll just get on with the show."
The scene cut away right after that, and the rest of the episode continued without any long Pinkie-centric scenes. She occasionally glanced pleadingly at the camera throughout the rest of the episode, and she didn't seem especially invested in the storyline, but there were no more interruptions. The episode ran long, though - the minutes she'd spent "talking" to me seemed to have extended the episode, and it pre-empted the first few minutes of the next show.
Again, no one online seemed to take notice of the unusual scene. I have to assume that for most people, Pinkie's scripted conversation didn't have the eerily perfect timing it did with me, but no one even made mention of it.
In the next episode, Applebuck Season, I gathered from the dialog that Applejack was supposed to help Pinkie with baking, but Pinkie instead shoved the sleep-deprived farmpony out the door of her bakery so that she could talk to the camera again. Once "we" were alone, Pinkie lifted a tablet computer from under the kitchen counter and turned it to face the camera.
(Incidentally, it didn't seem like a tablet PC should exist in the show's setting. But it's a cartoon, so I don't demand perfect consistency from it.)
"Hi again, Nathan!" said Pinkie Pie. "Since you wouldn't show me a picture of your girlfriend, I figured out another way to find out what kind of girls you like!" The tablet flicked on and showed a picture. It was a picture I recognized, but my eyes still widened in surprise when I saw it. It was a drawing of a naked woman - a large naked woman, with thick legs and big, round tits resting on a huge belly.
I recognized it because it was one of the pictures in my porn collection.
"Would I be sexy if I looked like that, Nathan?" asked Pinkie, running her hoof over the tablet's screen. "All big and fat? With boobies?" she giggled. "Would I be sexier than your girlfriend?"
A more naive person than me might have become convinced that Pinkie Pie was really talking to him. But like I said, there's a difference between fantasy and reality. All I could think about was how confused everyone else was, watching this episode. Sure, I was getting the "eerie coincidence" experience, with Pinkie getting my name right, having a perfectly timed conversation with me, and showing me familiar porn. But pretty much everyone else was just seeing fatty porn for no reason.
"Hmm, looks like I have your attention," said Pinkie. "Let's see what else you like!" Her hoof swiped the tablet's screen, and the image was replaced by another. This one was also drawn, depicting a woman who wasn't quite as thick as the previous one. This one was pointing her ass at the viewer, and a thick brown cloud was emanating from her backside. Fart porn. Also from my porn collection.
Pinkie gasped. "Nathan!" she said, teasing. "You like this? It's so... dirty! Does your girlfriend do this for you?" She leaned across the counter, with lidded eyes and a confident smile. "I'll do it for you, Nathan. I'll do whatever you want. Whatever it takes to make you mine."
She stared for a while, seemingly waiting for a response. "Okay," she said, when I remained silent. "But this'll be more fun if you play along, Nathan. And you can't ignore me forever." She gave the camera a long, meaningful look, then lowered the tablet computer and looked around the kitchen. "So what was I doing? Making gross muffins?"
I expected a public outcry about the onscreen fetish porn, but as usual, no one online seemed to pay any notice to Pinkie's fourth-wall-breaking asides. And even more surprisingly, no one seemed to have an opinion about the way her appearance changed in the next episode, "Griffon the Brush-Off." In the cold open, Pinkie was humanoid, balancing enormously thick thighs and a big, round belly on her back hooves. Her "front legs" now ended in hands, and she wore tight black shorts and a white shirt stretched across gigantic breasts.
Twilight was seated on a bench, visibly uncomfortable with Pinkie's altered body. "Pinkie?" she asked tentatively, "Is that you?"
"Of course!" she said. "I decided to give myself a little makeover for Nathan!"
"A... makeover?"
"Yeah!" said Pinkie. "Nathan likes big girls with big fat asses!"
Twilight laughed nervously. "Nathan again?" she said. "When do I get to meet this Nathan?"
Pinkie let out a long, low chuckle. "Soon enough..." she said.
The episode's plot concerned Pinkie and Rainbow Dash sharing a love of pranks. After an innocent prank on Spike, the next scene showed Pinkie knocking on Rarity's door, waiting for her to answer, and then using her new hands to shove Rarity's head between her fat ass cheeks. Pinkie scrunched her face in concentration, then released an enormous, full-blast fart in her face. The air grew pink with visible fart clouds as she continued to release noisy gas directly onto Rarity. She kept it up throughout the episode, planting her fat ass on Applejack and Twilight and treating them to a faceful of pink flatulence. The episode concluded with Pinkie repeatedly planting her butt on Gilda's face and farting until pink clouds filled the room, making the guests visibly queasy. Only Gilda was truly upset, though, and the episode strangely framed Pinkie Pie as having the moral high ground.
"So, Nathan," said Pinkie, waddling into frame as the credits rolled, "What'd you think of my new sexy body and my big farty butt? Did it turn you on?"
"Yeah," I said, without thinking. It was true - she was catering to my fetishes excellently - but I hadn't meant to speak. I knew that, for all its bizarre creative choices and eerie coincidences, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was just a pre-scripted cartoon show. Only crazy people think that characters on TV are talking to them, and I'm not crazy.
Even still, it hardly came as surprise when Pinkie's excited reaction perfectly followed my statement. "Oh, Nathan!" she said, her eyes twinkling, "You have no idea how happy that makes me! I'm going to keep giving you what you want, my love!"
From that episode on, Pinkie's new anthropomorphic body - and her fat, gassy ass in particular - became the centerpiece of the show. There was hardly a scene where she wasn't onscreen, happy blasting other characters with her pink poots. It didn't seem like an advisable direction for a cartoon to take, but I kept watching. As I'd admitted before, I did get turned on by it.
And if that was a bold direction for a cartoon, what was even bolder was the way Hasbro used this gassy anthro Pinkie Pie to expand the MLP brand's visibility. Or, at least, I assume that was why they started inserting Pinkie into other TV shows. At first, it was just other shows on the Hub; Pinkie joined the cast of Dan Vs. on what seemed to be a permanent basis, still maintaining her habit of farting on everyone and everything and occasionally addressing a person named "Nathan." Out of curiosity, I checked out some other shows on the network, and found that she was in all of them. Eventually I discovered that even older episodes of Dan Vs. now contained Pinkie Pie; they'd apparently been re-animated, re-voiced, and re-edited, all to support the inclusion of the fat pink pony.
Before too long, though, she started appearing in other animated shows across TV. She was in Adventure Time, excitedly tasting walls in the candy kingdom. She was on Bob's Burgers, eating voraciously and farting eagerly. Hasbro was pushing Pinkie Pie hard into the public consciousness, and yet no one on the net seemed to take notice of her sudden ubiquitousness across television cartoons.
And even more strangely, there was not a peep online about Pinkie Pie's sudden penetration into live-action television. Suddenly everything on TV, including the news, had a fully animated Pinkie Pie, prancing and laughing and jiggling and farting, responding in real time on live television and, as always, addressing "Nathan" through the fourth wall.
It was during a news broadcast that Pinkie crossed yet another line. "Thanks, Josh," Pinkie said to her co-anchor. "Next, I'd like to send another special message to Nathan." She leaned forward, showing her expansive cleavage to the camera. "Nathan, sweetie, I know you told me not to interrupt the flow of the news so much..." That was true. About a week previous, I'd gotten annoyed by the way her farts were drowning out the other news anchors, and I'd asked her to knock it off. Of course I knew that she couldn't actually hear me, but she'd been less disruptive of the news ever since.
"...But," continued Pinkie, "I have something to share with you. You see, I took a closer... deeper look at your porn folder, and I found... something else I can do for you..." She hefted her body up onto the news desk, revealing that she hasn't wearing her usual black shorts. She wasn't wearing anything below the waist - she planted her bare, fat pink ass on the desk, then stood on the desk, squatted, and turned to face the camera. "Tell me how you like this!"
A booming fart exploded from her bare ass, setting her cheeks flapping. But then the real show began - her cheeks parted, and a thick brown turd began to creep from her exposed asshole. "Mmmm," she moaned, "This is what you like, isn't it, Nathan?" She said, pushing and grunting as poop continued to pour from her butthole. Logs of shit two, three, even four feet long began to pile up at the foot of the desk, as the studio camera zoomed out to show all of it. The pile grew and grew - Pinkie's body was big, but there seemed to be an endless reservoir of shit inside her, and the pile approached and then exceeded the size of her own body with no sign of stopping. It reached the height of the news desk and began to pile up on the desk itself, covering Pinkie's on hooves and ankles with the growing mess.
"You like my big poops, Nathan? Does this turn you on?" Without thinking, I nodded. "Oh, I knew it!" Pinkie said, and released a final thick log. "I told you I would do whatever it took to make you mine... and I'm having so much fun doing it! Oh, and Nathan... we'll be together soon..."
After that broadcast, the floodgates were opened for all-scat, all the time. It almost goes without saying at this point, but internet searches for any reaction turned up nothing. Pinkie Pie was on every TV show, pooping on everyone from Bachelorette contestants to the cast of Casablanca, and no one had any opinion about it. It was almost like I was the only one seeing this stuff - but what sense would that make?
The biggest - and last - surprise came during the season 2 finale, "A Canterlot Wedding." At the end of the two-parter episode, Pinkie (who had been relatively restrained for the whole episode, at least the parts that involved fighting the villain and taking part in the wedding), turned to the camera again. "Oh, Nathan," she said, "Love is so beautiful... I think it's time for things to get serious between us, too!" She reached her arm towards the camera...
And her hand crossed the boundary of the screen, as if it wasn't there at all. With both hands, she grasped the casing of the television and began to pull herself through. Her smiling face entered the real world, looking hungrily at me as I sat frozen in surprise. Her body, as always, was hugely fat - but in a typically cartoonish manner, her belly and hips squashed like Play-Doh as she pulled them through the 22-inch TV screen, then expanded to their normal shape once her was on the other side. Soon she stood before me, her round body looming over me, her face manic. The air smelled like cupcakes.
As I stared up at her, undeniably standing in front of me, I came to a long-overdue realization. Something that should have been obvious from the first time Pinkie Pie spoke to "Nathan." Something I'd refused to understand until just now.
Friendship is Magic is a boldly experimental television program.
I might question their creative direction at times, but there was no denying that making a character crawl out the television was a step that few shows - hell, no shows that I was aware of - were willing to make. I didn't even know TV shows could do that!
Pinkie was quivering, her belly and boobs shaking, as she stood over me. "I'm finally here," she said. "Nathan, we're finally together!" Her thick arms swept me up into a hug, lifting me from the ground and embedding my body in her soft, sweet-smelling skin. Her fat was more soft and yielding than any human body, like a giant living marshmallow, and my face sank into her ample cleavage as she hugged me closer. As she giggled and hugged me tighter, she farted - a fart so intense that her whole body shook, and me with it.
"Hee hee!" she laughed. "I couldn't help myself! But I bet you don't mind, Nathan..." She released me from her hug, and I saw the rising pink clouds from her backside. The smell was pungent, but slightly sweet - and when she farted again, the pink cloud began to fill the room. "I'm so happy that you can finally smell my farts!" she said, and turned her body around, bringing me face-to-face with her ass.
Her ass was intimidatingly huge up-close - and doubly intimidating because I knew what it was capable of. Each cheek was more than twice the size of my head, but the flab was perfectly round and beautifully shaped. I had little time to admire it, though, before it burst in my face with an explosion of pink gas. The sweet stench of her farts filled my senses, overwhelming me with arousal. I'd never been so turned on in my life. I dug my face into her ass, as far as her shorts would allow, and breathed in as much of her next fart as I could.
"Ooh!" she squeaked, squirming pleasurably as my face sank into her ass. "I knew you would love it! You'll love this even more..."
Her ass made a wet sound, and through the fabric of her shorts I felt the head of an enormous, thick turd pressing against my face. As it crept out from her anus, I was pushed back by the growing mass of poop in her shorts. The wonderful stink of her shit was even more intense than her farts, and I sank my face into her mushy shorts, savoring the smell and feel of Pinkie's poop.
"Wow!" said Pinkie, "You really do love my poop! I'm so happy I can give you what you love... I'm going to keep pooping and pooping for you!"
Her shorts bulged with shit as she continued to mess herself. The fabric - whatever it was - held up admirably, holding in the lumpy, stinking mass as it grew and grew. Her shorts sagged with their weight of her poop, and I extended my arms, embracing her mess and squeezing it, mushing the contained mess with my outstretched hands. Her mess expanded so much that her shorts touched the ground, and I buried my head deeper, going almost neck-deep into her poopy pants. The size of her dump pushed the waistband out, revealing a exposed layer of shit that nearly overflowed her shorts.
The flow of poop stopped, and Pinkie's ass released a final enormous fart, making her mess shake. I breathed in the smell of her ass intensified, and I came in my pants, right there. Spent, I fell backwards, letting Pinkie's lumpy shorts settled over my body. "Ooh!" said Pinkie, turning her head to look at me, "Looks like you had a good time playing with my poopy butt!"
I didn't respond - not out of obstinance this time, but simply because I was overloaded by arousal. "Now that I know I can make you happy, Nathan, it's time for us to be together... forever." Hefting her sagging shorts, she turned around to face me and grabbed my hand. With astonishing strength, she lifted me to my feat, swung me around, and hurled me in the direction of the television screen, which still displayed an exterior shot of Canterlot. I winced, but instead of smacking against the screen I passed through it, landing and rolling on the ground of a cartoon world. Pinkie jumped in after me, her poopy pants cushioning her impact.
"Hey girls!" said Pinkie Pie, drawing the attention of the other ponies. "I'd like you all to meet Nathan!"
Ever since then, I've been living in the world of My Little Pony. Pinkie Pie and I live together, we go on dates, we hang out with her friends - and we have frequent sessions of sexy, poopy fun.
Don't get the wrong idea - I still understand that Friendship Is Magic is just a pre-scripted cartoon show, and that it's just a coincidence when Pinkie - and now, the other characters in the show - appear to respond when I talk to them. That was true when I was watching the show, and it's no less true now that I'm inside it. I'd have to be crazy to think a TV character is talking directly to me.
But it's more fun to pretend.
