Bass Cannon Debauchery

Twilight Sparkle was having a nice cup of tea in her library as she read a book on keeping your head and logic in tense moments. Of course, being the bookworm she was and having an entire library to herself in a castle of titanic proportions, she had already pored over each book at least twice. She smiled as a funny line appeared in the text, but then frowned when she heard the fierce knocking on her castle doors echoing endlessly across the large expanse of her castle.

Quickly setting down her tea and book, she disappeared and reappeared in a flash of magenta light, opening the unnecessarily large doors to her castle. “Octavia?” she asked, bewildered as to why her musically talented friend was panting with a look of fear in her eyes.

“Princess Twilight!” she finally said in between breaths, “You need to help me! I think Vinyl is in trouble!”

With the corners of her mouth downturned, she raised an eyebrow. “Firstly, I told you we’re friends! You don’t need to add the title of ‘Princess’ to my name. Secondly, who’s in trouble?”

Finally having recovered, Octavia couldn’t help but roll her eyes in a hurry. “Vinyl Scratch, DJ PON3?” Twilight then recognized the name and made an O with her mouth, eyebrows raised.

“Well then, we have no time to lose!” Twilight announced, and they galloped off, the doors shutting behind her.

“What seems to be the problem?” Twilight shouted as she flew alongside Octavia. She was keeping up surprisingly well to Twilight’s flight, though Twilight just reasoned it to be because of her inexperience in flying and Octavia’s earth pony heritage.

“I just came home from a concert when I hear a loud boom in the basement and Vinyl screaming! When I tried to open the door, it was locked, and I had no way of getting in. The next best thing I thought of would be to either ram my cello into the door or go to you, but we both know which option I took.”

“Thanks for coming to me, Octavia. You can always count on a friend like me to help you out!” Twilight remarked as they finally made it back to Octavia and Vinyl’s place. They could both hear repetitive rumbles and the sound of one, or maybe even two ponies shouting. Widening her eyes in surprise, Twilight looked to Octavia.

“What the hay?” Twilight asked as they entered the house. “Have you ever known DJ PON3, or Vinyl I guess, to have been connected to any shady ponies? Because this might be due to such relationships-”

“What?!” Octavia looked offended. “How could you ever suggest that of Vinyl? She only hangs out with the most respectable of ponies, I’ll have you know. And if I’m no indication of that, I don’t know what is.”

“Well then, what do you think this could be?” Twilight asked as they neared the basement door, slowing to a cautious trot.

“I… I haven’t the slightest,” Octavia frowned honestly, looking back on what she knew of Vinyl. Could she-? No, she refused to think it. She then heard one of the shouts stop (the thunderous bangs didn’t), and Twilight looked over to Octavia again. Nodding, she took a deep breath.

“Alright… Opening the door, In three, two, one-!” Twilight counted down but was assaulted by a mass of pudgy pink.

“TWILIGHT!” Pinkie shouted as she practically tackled the unsuspecting alicorn to the ground. “I was wondering when you would show up! Me and DJ PON3 were working on something in the basement and we’re basically finished!” Pinkie then looked over to the shocked cellist, who was looking between the now suffocating Twilight and the clingy Pinkie Pie. Jumping off of Twilight, Pinkie waved a hoof.

“Hiya, Octy! I hope all’s well and good in the music industry?”

Octavia nodded mutely. Pinkie cocked her head with a smile and a raised eyebrow. All the while, Twilight was panting on the ground, recovering from the attack on her sanity. Just as Twilight was about to get up and ask Pinkie what the buck was going on, they all saw blue light begin pulsating from around the corner at the bottom of the basement stairwell.

“What is going on, Pinkie?” Twilight coughed, rubbing her neck. All the while, a high pitched whine crescendoed in strength as they stood there watching the neon azure glow increase with it.

“You’ll see!” Pinkie smiled with fervor that sort of scared Twilight.

“Pinkie? What were you two doing down there-?” Octavia began to ask but was cut off when they were all blown off their hooves.

The sapphire luminescence peaked to almost white light and a sound wave pushed everypony away, into walls or just into the ground. As they were pinned, they could hear a now deep whirring that sounded like a machine charging, and with the force of a million newtons a wave beam of pure awesome erupted straight into the sky. They all watched as blue plasmic epicness shot vertically, a now intense and techno beat matching the undulating mass of pure energy. It caused what seemed to be explosions of sound in the sky, and they all watched in abject terror and fascination, Pinkie especially as she just jumped up and down excitedly with silver retro glasses, which Twilight wondered how Pinkie could even see through them.

As soon as it died down, Twilight hugged the wall for a good extra minute. Octavia on the other hoof… appeared to have lost consciousness entirely. After Octavia awoke with a start, she fearfully led them down to the center of destruction. Upon entering the main space of the basement, it could be seen that the sky was now clearly visible from where they were, and standing beside a giant smoking boombox wubmaker was an equally smoking, if not slightly singed and burnt Vinyl Scratch who was smiling like a maniac.

“How do you ya like them apples?!” Vinyl finally shouted as they rounded on her. Looking up from where she was positioned, there seemed to be a perfect singed circle of destruction going up and into the bright blue sky above. Vinyl seemed perfectly fine with having destroyed half of her home and patted her new invention with reverence. “This baby’s ready for anything, now!”

“Vinyl?” Octavia whispered slowly at first, looking between the carnage from the techno-monstrosity and her roommate. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?” exploded Octavia, throwing a hoof out in a grand gesture to all around her.

“Whoa, Octy!” Vinyl cried as she got down from her position controlling the machine of pure awesome. “Chill out!”

“Chill out? Chill out?! HOW am I supposed to chill out when there’s a huge hole in my house!” Octavia cried, motioning to the destruction. “How am I supposed to explain this to the insurance ponies?!”

“Dude, chillax! Everything’s going to be fine!” Vinyl walked over to Octavia to put a hoof around her shoulder. She then waved her free hoof, motioning to her contraption. “I hereby wub this lovely piece of art: Bass Cannon!”

“Now’s not the time for jokes, Vinyl!” Octavia raged, before finally deflating and sighing. “It’s no use. It’ll be ridiculous anyways to try and justify my house being destroyed by a ‘bass cannon made by my friend’ as an accident.”

This time, it was Pinkie who was comforting her. “Hey, don’t worry about it! Twilight here will just fix it right up! I mean, with her being a Princess and all, she must surely have a stash of gold or something that she can access anytime she wants!”

Twilight held a hoof up to argue with Pinkie, but couldn’t, finding that Pinkie’s logic was sound. Speaking of sound…

“Time to take my new Bass Cannon out for a test ride!” Vinyl shouted and hopped onto the Bass Cannon, only for it to begin falling forward. Vinyl yelped and fell off, pressing the red button that would activate it as she did so. They then all widened their eyes as they watched the bass cannon begin charging up for it’s next assault, and the two sane ponies in the room tried their best to lift it front side forward, but were unsuccessful.

Meanwhile, Vinyl had now readjusted her glasses, and Pinkie had brought out lawn chairs from nowhere. They now both sat with tanning shields and Vinyl turned to Pinkie. “Whelp, it’s the end of the world! Might as well go out in style.”

Pinkie and Vinyl shared a hoofbump, while around them a blue glow pulsated faster and stronger, with two mares trying as they might to lift it up. Twilight with her alicorn magic still did no good, flapping her wings and using her horn to try and move it, it was no use. Octavia was using her cello as a pryer… and it wasn’t working.

“What in tartarus is this made of?!?!” Twilight cried, knowing it was now too late for the planet and they gave up, leaning on the bass cannon for a breath.

“Oh, it’s probably some really stupid metal that doesn’t exist,” Pinkie remarked non-chalantly and the blue glow finally grew to a blinding white…

In space, a space shuttle from Earth had, after years, finally found another planet that was capable of sustaining life. They observed the surface excitingly, but noticed something odd. At a small backwater village was a glowing luminescent blue, which they were baffled by.

“What the heck is that?” they pointed out, but then watched with terror and horror as they watched a beam of pure energy shoot from the other side of the planet and endlessly into space. They then watched with fascination and horror as cracks appeared throughout the planet, before it finally exploded in a majestic show of rainbows, and a whole lot of dubstep.

They were then obliterated by the following delta wave of pure awesomeness after the bass cannon went supernova.

Pinkie then waves at you and you find yourself wondering how the heck she survived.

“Because Pinkie Pie, silly!” Pinkie Pie smiles widely, before swimming away to boldly go where no pony has gone before...