Dearest Friends...
Do you ever stop to think about what our life really holds? I mean, really holds... hopes, dreams, ambitions, all that good stuff. We’re such a fragile species, and I believe entirely that this rests on the fact that we are as intelligent as we are.
Do you ever stop to think about the little things in life? The things that you look over normally? Just the other day I found myself watching a bird build its nest. It was breathtaking, really. Birds don’t have the same intelligence we ponies do, yet it knew exactly how to build a nest that would be perfect for its babies.
Primal instinct. The force that allows even the... least sentient of creatures to thrive in a world that seems hellbent on destroying them. Beyond the soft voice in their subconscious telling them exactly what to do, they seem to have no desire to seek further purpose. They do as they need to, and they’re fine with that.
Ponies, on the other hand, rely on a greater purpose to get by. We fancy such things as games and jobs, for they allow us to entertain our fickle brains. Though, for the life of me, I do not know if such thing is a burden, or a curse brought on by the horrors inflicted by many of my fellow species.
I stopped the other day, right in the middle of my walk through the park, and just watched nature. It’s such a beautiful thing, you see, and I just couldn’t resist. However, this particular time I couldn’t hold back the title wave of questions that I normally keep at bay from rushing my mind. Oh how I wish I had been just a bit stronger, for there was no going back anymore. I had already set myself on a path that would result in me questioning my very existence, or rather my reason for existing.
I asked myself, were I to miraculously disappear from this wonderful planet at this very moment, would this park change in the slightest. Would anybody stop to grieve my death? Would they gather around and whisper of the great achievements I accrued during my, unfortunately short, life?
What if I had never existed at all? What if, by some strange occurance, I never entered this world at all? How much would the world change around me, if at all? Oh how I wish I could have avoided that question, for I had no answer to it.
No, I did, I was just not willing to come to grips with what it meant...
I was not needed in this world, nor would my presence even be missed, save for the few close friends I’ve gathered over the past few years. I had done nothing to preserve my spot in this ever-expanding society.
You know, I once came across a saying in a book.
‘You can’t put a value on a life’.
I used to believe that, I used to believe, with all my heart. I held one solitary truth close to my heart: that we are all equal. For the most part we are, don’t get me wrong, that is not my meaning. You see, life does have a value, but you must be willing to search for it. Try hard enough and you will come to see that we are all different, and with that we each have our own worth.
No, not a monetary worth, a life cannot be purchased (within my own moral code, of course, as history has proven that life can unfortunately be purchased.) You see, the value of a life is a check one cannot cash. Only close to death will one realize their true worth, a reassuring, or disheartening passageway into the afterlife.
The impact you leave on this earth upon death is the only thing that shall remain eternally. We, as ponies, are not eternal, as much as we’d like to be. We must take pride in the things we accomplish, because they are the only things that shall truly never leave us. That is when you can come to grips with yourself and perhaps begin to understand yourselves just a little bit better.
By now I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve written this letter, why I’ve told you of the birds and the worth of a life. You see, my dearest friends, I have befallen myself.
In my life I have suffered through much heartache, though I normally would not speak of such things. As you all know, I spent the majority of youth under the care of Celestia as her prized pupil. You also know that during this time I didn’t exactly have, ah... friends.
Though I always wore a bright smile, I was always saddened by the fact that I alone. Of course I had my brother and Celestia, but I could not wishfully expect them to spend as much time with me as my frail, childish form wished.
The other foals? Well, they soon grew to hate me all the same. I would receive hateful glances from students, and even some teachers, all because of my relationship with Celestia. They would whisper mean, abhorrent things when they thought I was out of earshot. It hurt to know that the student body thought so little of me as to scorn for me for something I had worked so hard to achieve. It made me sick to know that what made me so happy disheartened so many others.
I used to cry myself to sleep at night, when I was sure that the Princess wouldn’t be close enough to hear my sobs. I tried my hardest to cheer up. I told myself that they were just jealous, that they didn’t deserve friends like myself. I did everything in my power to hate them.
But I couldn’t...
You see, the pony I began to hate most was myself. I cursed my intelligence, I cursed my luck, and I cursed my magic. I told myself that had I been born a normal filly, I would no doubt be accepted by my peers as a friend. Perhaps I was just being foolish and fanciful, but it didn’t matter, because the pain I felt was as real as the ground I felt I didn’t deserve to walk on.
This silent hatred went on for years, until one day, one fated day... I was told to go to Ponyville. I reluctantly agreed to go, especially after she told me I was to make friends while I was there. I hated the notion, why should somebody like me make friends? But it was her orders, and I respected her too much to go against something she wished for.
In the end, I guess I can say that this was the greatest day of my life. Even through all the turmoil of Celestia’s capture, and the return of Nightmare Moon, the time I spent with you all was the greatest in my very short life. I found myself smiling for the first time in ages, and I mean truly smiling... not just a mask I wore to appease Celestia.
I wish I had told you guys how much you truly meant to me before it got to this, but in the end I don’t regret anything. The many years following that day were something I still feel I don’t deserve, and I am eternally grateful that you all had decided me worthy enough for your friendship.
Even now I struggle to keep my tears from staining the parchment.
Before I forget, I’m sure you’re wondering why Spike isn’t writing this letter. This letter is too personal, to heartfelt to let anybody else write this. Though it’s the last letter I’ll ever write, it is the single most important.
I wish, oh how I wish, I could tell you what you mean to me, all of you. Words cannot express the worth you have left behind on this gracious planet, so I won’t even try. I just...
[Text Smeared, Unreadable]
Sorry about that, I guess I couldn’t really hold back anymore. Before I end this letter, I must impart the wisdom of my earlier segments to you directly. It is the least I can do for the friends that very well saved my life.
You see, as I lay on my deathbed, writing one final solemn letter, I can’t help but think over the choices I’ve made. I think back to the bird, to the ponies that walk around the park without a care in the world, to the questions that lingered in my mind for many years... and I realize that the thing I longed for most was a chance.
I would trade all the wealth in the world to relive the experiences I had with you, my dearest friends. While I did enjoy my studies, and my aiding of many scientific advances, they pale in comparison to that.
The thing I longed for most was to be that bird, building a nest in hopes that it might protect those closest to me. He, or she, had no desire to leave behind a legacy, they had no desire to expand their wealth of knowledge and bring about the world a piece of technology not yet seen before.
No... it could only love.
Love... the word used to be so foreign to me, now I find myself using it as if it carried no weight. I guess that just goes to show the bond that was created between us, doesn’t it? I loved you all, more than words could possibly express, because you freed me. Even if you hadn’t realized it, it was you all who allowed me to release these silly ideas about self-worth and dedication in other worldly desires.
Because in the end it is not self worth that matters, but the value you place on those around you. I care not for the image I have burned into society. If there is something I wish to be eternal, it is the bonds of friendship that have only strengthened over time.
By the time you receive this, I will have no doubt perished due to the illness that plagued me over these past few months. I hope you don’t mourn me too much, I would hate that my final act be one that only served to hurt my friends.
Instead, read this letter and know that I don’t regret a thing. Though my life started out... less than pleasurable, you all saved me from that. You opened my eyes, allowed me to see things that I was previously blind to. You made me happy.
That, my friends, is the magic of friendship...
Your Friend, Twilight Sparkle
P.S Never forget the time we spent together, I sure won’t.
