Awkward
By Wragnaroq
Big Macintosh and Applejack walked across the field together in total silence. Big Macintosh’s hooves plodded through the dirt as he dragged the plow behind him, digging a shallow furrow for Applejack to sprinkle a few seeds in. The morning hours passed by in a blur as they walked back and forth, neither of them saying a word. Finally, when the field was plowed and seeded, Applejack put down the bag of seeds and broke the silence with a single question.
“So, Mac,” She said, wiping some sweat from her brow. “Where were ya last night?”
“My bed,” Big Macintosh lied, taking a deep swig from the canteen of water he kept at his side when plowing.
“Really?” Applejack said. “Because it sure seemed like there was nopony in it last night.”
“I was in my bed,” Big Macintosh insisted, unhooking himself from the plow. “You should know. You were th’ one who woke me up this mornin’.”
“Mac, I heard you sneakin’ inside not two hours before sunrise,” Applejack said. “Tell me th’ truth, Mac. Where were ya last night?”
Big Macintosh looked away from his sister. “It’s none o’ your business what I do with my time.”
“You were at Fluttershy’s again, weren’t ya?” Applejack asked. Big Mac shook his head.
“Nnnope.”
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Mac. You’ve gone t’ Fluttershy’s three nights this week, an’ there’s no point tryin’ t' hide it,” Applejack said, stepping in front of her brother.
“It’s none o’ your concern,” Big Mac repeated, walking around Applejack. “I’m a grown stallion, AJ. I don’t need you t’ tell me what I should or shouldn’t do with my marefriend.”
“Tartarus below, ever since that thing in th’ barn,” Applejack grumbled, rubbing her eyes. “Mac, I’m not tryin’ t’ boss you around. I’m just sayin’…”
“I ain’t listenin’, AJ,” Big Mac said, continuing to walk towards the house.
“Dang it, Mac! Don’t walk away from me! I’m not done talkin’ t' you!” Applejack said, chasing after him.
“I’m done talkin’ t' you!” Big Mac shouted back, starting to gallop. Applejack stopped chasing him.
“Fine,” She said to herself as she turned away from the house. “If you won’t listen, maybe she will.”
Applejack knocked on the door to Fluttershy’s cottage twice, staring questioningly at the board nailed to the door. There was some shuffling from inside, and the door cracked open, a familiar blue eye peeking out.
“Good afternoon, Fluttershy,” Applejack said, dipping her head. “Mind if I come in?”
“Oh, not at all,” Fluttershy said, opening the door fully to let Applejack in. “Please, come in. I can make you some tea, if you’d like.”
“No, thanks, I’m fine,” Applejack said, stepping in and brushing her hooves on the doormat. She closed the door behind her, and lifted an eyebrow when she saw that the board had been covering a hole in the door. “I take it Big Mac did that?” She asked, easily recognizing her brother’s work.
“Um, yes, a few months ago. He offered to pay for repairs, but I think just covering it up works fine,” Fluttershy said. “Are you sure you don’t want any tea?”
“Nah, I’m jus' here t' talk real quick,” Applejack said, taking a seat on Fluttershy’s couch. Fluttershy sat next to her.
“Oh, of course. What did you want to talk about?” Fluttershy asked. Applejack cleared her throat, feeling her cheeks heat up a little bit.
“I wanted t' talk t' you ‘bout your… relationship with Big Mac,” She said, adjusting her hat out of habit. “Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m pleased as punch you two’re gettin’ along so darned well, jus’… I’m worried you might be gettin’ along a bit too well.” Applejack couldn’t believe she was having this conversation.
“What do you mean?” Fluttershy asked, oblivious to Applejack’s subtle assertions.
“I mean…” Applejack sighed. “I’m talkin’ about how you two’ve been… doin’ 'it'.”
“Doing what?” Fluttershy asked innocently. Applejack almost groaned.
“Oh, ya know… that, uh, that thing in th’ barn, with th’… th’ bunny suit?” Applejack said, blushing. Fluttershy finally showed some comprehension.
“Oh, that,” She said. “I see what you mean. What about it?”
“I’d, uh, I’d like t’ ask you two if you’d, uh, s-stop doin’ ‘it’. At least until you’re hitched. I'm sure you understand.”
“I’m... afraid I don't. Could you, um, explain?” Fluttershy asked, slightly confused.
“It’s just… I’ve always been taught that ‘it’ should be somethin’, ya know, special. Between a pair o’ ponies who’ve… tied th’ knot,” Applejack said, covering her blush with her hat.
“Um, not that I think you’re wrong or anything, but, I think I have to disagree with you,” Fluttershy said. Applejack lifted her hat a bit to look at Fluttershy with an eyebrow raised.
“…Say what now.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m not trying to start an argument, but, well, in my opinion, I think it’s fine to do ‘it’ with somepony you’re not married to,” Fluttershy said. “In fact, if somepony asked me to, I’d be willing to do ‘it’ anytime.”
“…Huh?”
“I’d do ‘it’ with Twilight, with Rarity, with Pinkie, I did ‘it’ with Rainbow Dash a few years ago at summer flight camp, why, I’d even do ‘it’ with you, Applejack,” Fluttershy said. She patted the couch. “As a matter of fact, I’d be willing to do ‘it’ with you right on this couch.”
Applejack literally could not think of a single thing to say to that. Her mind was trying to shut itself down. Fluttershy, the pony who couldn’t say hello to a stranger without mumbling and staring at her hooves, was telling Applejack, without a sliver of hesitation, that she would be willing to screw her on the couch.
“I, uh, I’m flattered,” Applejack said after a moment’s silence. Fluttershy smiled kindly.
“Oh, it’s no trouble whatsoever. My mommy and daddy have always said that I really enjoyed doing ‘it’ even as a little foal.”
Something inside Applejack’s soul died at that precise moment. There was a tearful viewing, and it rained while the coffin was lowered into the ground.
“Looking back, I guess they were right. My parents and I used to do ‘it’ together all the time,” Fluttershy said, tapping her chin in thought. “Sometimes, after having a bad dream, I’d go into their bedroom to find them already doing ‘it’, and I’d ask them if I could join them. They would usually say yes, and we’d do ‘it’ until I was feeling all better and fell asleep.”
“…Uh…”
“Of course, it didn’t always have to be after a bad dream. Sometimes it would be during a big, scary storm, sometimes in the winter when I was cold all alone in my bedroom with only the toys my parents gave me…”
Applejack could do nothing but stare at the butter-yellow pegasus.
“…and sometimes we’d do ‘it’ if I was just having troubles getting to sleep. I find it much easier to get to sleep after doing ‘it’.”
Applejack was becoming concerned that she would never be able to forget about this conversation, no matter how hard she tried.
“In fact, I think that doing ‘it’ before bed helps lots of animals get to sleep better.”
No. No, no, no, no.
“I’ve done ‘it’ with a lot of different animals in the past,” Fluttershy said cheerfully. “I really like doing ‘it’ with bears, and wolves are fun because ‘it’ usually involves a few wolves at once…”
Applejack would never be clean. The only cure was death. Swift and painless.
“…but doing ‘it’ with smaller animals is a bit more difficult, and I’ve never done ‘it’ with a fish – not that I haven’t tried, mind you – and even…” Fluttershy shook her head. “Oh, listen to me, droning on and on. You were talking about me and Big Mac doing ‘it’, right?”
“I… think so,” Applejack said. “’Bout that, I think I’ve gone an’ changed my stance on th’ whole issue.”
“Oh, that’s very good! I was hoping I could…”
“Fluttershy, I’d… like for you t’ stop seein’ my brother.”
You could have dropped a pin. On the moon.
(bee-yetch)
“I… what?” Fluttershy said.
“Now, hear me out for a second. I think you’re a great pony, Fluttershy, really, I do, but… after what you’ve told me today, about your parents and th' bears and th' wolves and th'…” Applejack shuddered. “My point is, I’d really rather my brother wasn’t romantically involved with somepony who’d willingly rut anythin' with four legs.”
Fluttershy blinked. Once. Twice.
“R-rutting?” She repeated in a small voice. “You mean, like... m-m-m-mating?”
“That’s exactly what I'm talkin’ about,” Applejack said. Fluttershy stared at her, her eyes wide and jaw flapping uselessly.
“Applejack, I’m… I’m ashamed of you! Having such a dirty mind!” Fluttershy squeaked, turning away from Applejack.
“…Beg pardon?”
“Applejack, I thought we were talking about cuddling! But clearly, your mind was stuck in the gutter!”
“…Cuddling. You mean to tell me… all this time, every single time that my brother has come over to spend the night here… you two have just been cuddling,” Applejack said in disbelief. “That time with the bunny suit…”
“He was so cute I couldn’t help it! And I admit, I may have let myself go a bit that time, but m-mating, Applejack? I can’t believe you would think something like that! I’m not that kind of mare!” Fluttershy said, starting to tear up a little bit.
“I… I feel like a right darned fool, now,” Applejack said, rubbing the back of her head.
“You should! OhgoodnessI’msorryI’mnottryingtobemean.”
“Well, uh, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I misread things so bad,” Applejack said, holding a hoof out to Fluttershy. Fluttershy looked at it, then at Applejack. She wiped her eyes and sniffled a little bit.
“...A-apology, um, accepted,” Fluttershy said, shaking Applejack’s hoof. “But, if you don’t mind, could you please, um… l-leave?”
“Yeah, that’s probably for th’ best, isn’t it?” Applejack said, standing up. “I, uh, guess I’ll talk t' you later?”
“Yes. Later,” Fluttershy said, walking Applejack to the door. “H-have a nice day.”
The door slammed shut behind Applejack. The farmer didn’t look back as she walked down the path through the woods. After a few minutes of walking, she stopped next to a tree, stood in front of it, and slammed her skull against it a few times.
She was unable to walk in a straight line the rest of the way home.
