Fourth Cousins Twice Removed!
Applejack stared at herself through the mirror with a sudden realization. Her hoof rested about an inch away from her face, holding a mascara brush. A smile crept across her lips as she resumed ‘dolling herself up’.
It had started subtly, at first. Just a few compliments and remarks about Applejack’s eyes. Now, she had a small array of makeup on her bathroom sink. It was still rare that she used the stuff, but rare is more than never, and that change had largely gone unnoticed.
That pony sure does a number on me.
Applejack allowed herself a momentary daydream. Her mind wandered to that perky pink pony, and how she rolled into her life like a whirlwind. In the past, Applejack regarded Pinkie Pie as more of an annoyance than an acquaintance; even Twilight’s arrival did little to change how she thought about Pinkie. It took time, and quite a bit of patience, for Applejack to see the wild pony’s spirit as anything but rambling diversions. Looking at the brush in her hoof, the memory of how they became more than friends came flooding back.
*Thonk!*
One sure and well-placed buck of Applejack’s hooves struck a tree, bringing down a rain of apples. The ensuing sound of falling fruit brought a familiar satisfaction, giving Applejack another temporary boost of morale. Truth be told, she needed every bit she could get.
Sweat rolled down her forehead, stinging her eyes and matting her mane. Her legs ached, begging for rest. Multiple spots along her back screamed for her toil to end.
Applejack’s eyes wandered to the sky, glaring at the sun hanging low on the horizon.
Just a few more trees left in this line and I can call it a night.
Dragging an empty basket to the next tree, Applejack reared back and lined her hooves up for another vicious kick.
“Heya, Applejack! Whatcha doin’?”
It took all of Applejack’s willpower not to swear on the spot.
“Hello, Pinkie Pie,” she muttered through gritted teeth.
I’ve only seven trees or so left. Why did she have to show up now?!
Pinkie, for her part, seemed to be completely oblivious to Applejack’s frustration.
“I finished my shift over at Sugarcube Corner and still had some deeee-lish cupcakes and muffins left, so I said, ‘You know who could probably use one of these? Applejack! She’s probably working her tail off at the farm and could totally use a break!’”
Reaching into her mane, Pinkie pulled out a tray of cupcakes and muffins. “Oh, and don’t worry. I brought milk to wash it down with, too!” Balancing the tray on her nose, she reached in and produced a carton of milk as well.
Rolling her eyes, Applejack finished setting up her baskets. “Very kind of ya Pinks, but I gotta get this done,” she said, lining up for another kick.
The tray and milk disappeared as Pinkie jumped between Applejack and the tree. “Nuh-uh. You’re done for the day. You need to pack it up.”
Pinkie’s demand was exactly what the farm pony feared was coming. All Applejack wanted to do was finish this line of trees and go rest her weary bones.
“Pinkie Pie… I’m bucking this here tree, and the next, and the next, all the way until this line is finished. If you stay where you are, I can’t be responsible for what happens to you,” Applejack warned.
Pinkie sat in place, her forelegs crossed in a rare scowl. The sight alone almost made Applejack reconsider, but she was a mare on a mission.
“Fine, it’s your noggin!”
Leaning forward, Applejack coiled her powerful legs close to her body. A lump formed in her throat as she kicked out, already regretting her decision.
What followed was not the satisfying thump of her hooves bucking a tree, or the terrible feeling of kicking her friend. Her hooves simply came to a dead stop, forcing the farm pony to balance awkwardly.
She turned her head to see what happened.
“What the hay?!”
Pinkie Pie stood on her rear legs, an even more intense scowl upon her face. Her front hooves were full, each holding tightly to one of Applejack’s powerful legs. Suddenly, the pink pony threw her hooves up, sending Applejack into a somersault.
“Whoooa! Ungh!”
Applejack’s world went spinning until her back hit the ground. Her eyes focused on the setting sun in the sky as she struggled to piece together what had just happened. Pinkie’s face came into view, this time filled with remorse. She reached over and pulled one of Applejack’s rear hooves where she could see it.
“Look, Applejack, you’re bleeding. You’ve pushed yourself too far. It’s time to take a break.”
Looking at the crimson stain on her hoof made Applejack cringe. Turning sideways, she looked at the last tree she had bucked, and the one before. A small red trail led from each one to where she was now.
Folding her ears upon her head, she sighed. “I’m… I’m sorry, Pinks. I didn’t know. I was just so intent on finishing this, I didn’t even think. You were only trying to help, and I nearly kicked you for it. Can ya ever forgive me, sugarcube?”
An understanding and caring smile flashed upon Pinkie’s face. “Of course I can, silly filly. Come on, we have to get you inside and fix those poor hoofsie woofsies up.”
Applejack watched as Pinkie extended a friendly hoof. She took the invitation and hobbled upright. Funny how they suddenly hurt worse now that Applejack knew they were injured.
Pinkie helped Applejack inside and told her family she would be taking care of her for the rest of the night. They all seemed a bit worried at first, but Pinkie assured them it was nothing serious. Much to Applejack’s surprise, Pinkie even insisted on bathing her. It was quite a bit unusual for Applejack, as she had always been alone in the bath as an adult. Nevertheless, those worries vanished as Pinkie scrubbed the dirt, pain, and fatigue away. Once the bath was over, Pinkie helped her to bed and pulled out a first aid kit. Applejack was content to lay sprawled out on the bed, while her friend bandaged her wounded hooves.
“I can’t thank you enough, Pinkie. I don’t think I’ve ever gone from feeling rundown to relaxed in so short an order.”
“Think nothing of it, Applejack. You work so hard all the time, I know you sometimes forget to take care of yourself.”
Turning her head, Applejack saw Pinkie smiling as she worked on her injured hooves. This smile was different than her other smiles: it was warm, while also being serene. Pinkie had a motherly aura about her, a calming sensation that made Applejack feel like she had just snuggled beneath warm covers during a cold winter’s night. She cherished that warmth, lived in it, inhabited it as long as she could until regretfully, it had to come to an end.
“Okay, finished!” Pinkie announced as she turned Applejack’s freshly bandaged hooves loose.
“Feels better already,” Applejack said, working them back and forth. A growl from her stomach interrupted her train of thought. “I guess we should go downstairs and see if there’s any grub left over from dinner.”
Pinkie Pie turned around with the same tray of cupcakes and muffins from before. “Why would you want to leave your warm snuggly bed, when we have plenty of food right here?”
It was a question Applejack didn’t have a good answer to. Instead, she just smiled and grabbed one of the chocolate cupcakes from the tray.
“Sounds good to me, sugarcube.”
Together, they sat on Applejack’s bed, ate, and shared stories about the latest happenings. As time drew on, both ponies grew sleepy. Applejack was just in the unenviable position of trying to let Pinkie Pie know she was tired and that Pinkie should head home, when the pink mare slowly wrapped her hooves around Applejack and snuggled close. Applejack’s eyes shot wide open in shock.
Wh-what the… is she doing what I think she’s doing?
If Applejack was expecting an explanation, it appeared she would be out of luck. Pinkie was not forthcoming with one, and the way she closed her eyes made it clear she didn’t intend on giving one.
“P-P-Pinkie Pie… I don’t mean anything by this, but uhhh, you do realize you’re, uhh…”
A soft, saccharine giggle escaped Pinkie’s lips. “I’m what, Applejack?”
A profuse blush spread across Applejack’s cheeks. “Well, you’re… you know…”
Oh have mercy, she’s teasing me!
“You know exactly what you’re doing,” Applejack muttered as her blush spread further.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No!” Applejack shouted a little louder than she meant to. “I mean… I sort of like it. I just... never had somepony do this with me.”
Pinkie’s breath grew stronger as she leaned in close to Applejack’s ear. “This is pretty nice, isn’t it?”
Any further protests died in Applejack’s throat. Reaching out with her hoof, she grabbed her blanket, spreading it across the both of them. Once they were well covered, she grabbed Pinkie’s hooves, and pulled them tighter.
“Good night, Pinkie Pie.”
“Good night, Applejack.”
“Uhhhh, you gonna be in there much longer?”
Big Mac’s deep bassy voice snapped Applejack out of her daydream. She hurriedly applied the rest of her mascara and sealed the pen.
“Yeah, sorry bout that, Big Mac. I’ll be out in a minute.”
Heavy hoofsteps led away from the door. Looking back in the mirror once again, Applejack fluttered her eyelashes and gave a test pout.
What in Equestria has that pink troublemaker done to me? Now I’m almost as bad as Rarity.
Her eyes danced to the wall clock.
Oh shoot! I’m gonna be late!
Tossing on her hat, she galloped out of the bathroom and ran down the stairs.
“Bye, everypony! I’ll be at the party at Sugarcube Corner tonight iff’n ya’ll need me!”
By the time Applejack made it to Sugarcube Corner, the party was in full swing. Squeezing through the crowd, she found Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy sitting at a table near the back. She plopped down into the chair, catching her breath from the long run over.
“Sorry I’m late, ya’ll. I had a few things to take care of before heading out.”
A ladylike giggle came from the other side of the table. “Things? What kind of things? They wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with that mascara you’re wearing, would they?” Rarity, asked, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.
“Applejack!”
A pink missile launched itself across the room. Applejack silently thanked the stars above for interrupting Rarity’s interrogation. Pinkie glomped onto the farm pony, clinging to her for dear life.
“I thought you’d never come! The party started like, thirty minutes ago! That’s forever in Pinkie time, ya know.”
Applejack pulled Pinkie closer and planted a kiss on her cheek. “I know, sugarcube. Sorry to keep you waiting.”
Pinkie didn’t say anything; she just squeezed even closer and giggled in delight. The couple’s affectionate display earned a few “awwws” from the entire table of ponies.
All except one, that is.
Rarity kept her head half-turned to the side, a slight frown of disapproval written upon her lips. Applejack tried to ignore it, but she too felt her own smile start to slip. Fortunately, a beautiful set of blue eyes forced it’s way into her vision.
“I know you’ve been working super duper hard all day long,” Pinkie said. “There’s plenty of food and drinks here if you want to just relax for the night.”
Applejack stood up from her seat. “Nah, I can relax later. I think I wanna cut up that rug. You ready to bowl’em over, party girl?”
Pinkie squealed in delight as she hopped to her hooves. “When we’re through, there won’t be a rug left! The Cakes will have to buy a new one!” Pinkie rubbed her chin as a frown spread across her face. “Wait, if the Cakes have to buy a new one, it’ll have to come out of my bits, and then we won’t be able to party anymore! I mean, have you seen the price of rugs nowa—”
Applejack leaned in, planting a kiss directly on Pinkie’s lips. The party pony melted in her hooves like a cheap wax figure until the need for oxygen forced them apart. “Pinkie Pie, let’s just dance.”
Pinkie gave a slow and numb nod accompanied with a dumbfounded smile. “Sounds wonder-riffic.”
To say that Applejack enjoyed the party would be an understatement. For hours, she danced and played to her heart’s content, letting all the stress from the farm wash away. Stumbling her way to a nearby table, she panted and grinned at her pink, unwavering companion.
“Huff, huff—geez sugarcube, don’t you have an off button?”
Taking the seat across from Applejack, Pinkie smiled. “I don’t think so. I haven’t found one, anyway.” Pinkie leaned forward in her seat. “Maybe we could look for it later tonight.”
“Uggggggh.”
The smile vanished from Applejack’s lips. Turning around, she glared at the pony who dared interrupt such a wonderful moment. “Anything you want to add, Rarity?”
Turning her head, Rarity bounced her luxurious mane. “It’s nothing, darling. Just ignore me, really.”
Kicking out her chair, Applejack marched over to the unicorn, her jaw cut in an angry line. “Kinda hard to do that seeing as how you keep ruining the moment.” A pink hoof tugged at her, pulling her back to the table.
“It’s okay, Applejack.”
From inside the crowd, Thunderlane stuck his head into the conversation. “It is a little weird, you know… you two being cousins and all, and stuff.”
Rarity smiled at the colt and then turned back to Applejack. “See? I’m just saying what we’re all thinking.”
Stamping her hoof, Applejack growled. “That does it! I know how to settle this.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Let me guess, good old fashioned wrasslin’, a game of horseshoes… or, maybe, a rodeo?”
“Heh, heh, heh, not this time, sugarcube,” Applejack snickered. “This time, I followed Twilight’s lead; I did my homework. If you think cousins being together is weird, I’ll have you know that we don’t even know if Pinkie and I are even cousins. On the off chance we are, we’re fourth cousins. According to the Canterlot Center of Genealogy, that makes us so genetically different as to be perfect strangers.”
Rarity was taken aback. “The Canterlot Center of Genealogy? Sounds like you have done your homework for once. Regardless, first cousins, fourth cousins, all a pony has to hear is that you’re cousins and the well is tainted, I’m afraid. It’s just not right.”
Applejack let a smirk crawl across her muzzle. “Did you tell that to Fancy Pants?”
Rarity turned, her eyes squinted toward Applejack. “I beg your pardon?”
“Didn’t you know? Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis are first cousins. In fact, royalty loooves ‘keeping it in the family’.” Applejack laughed.
“You can’t be serious.”
“Sapphire Shores, Fancy Pants, Prince Blueblood, Jet Setter… almost all of the royalty in Canterlot are the product of inbreeding.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “She’s right, Rarity. In many parts of Equestria, members of royalty inbreed as a way to try and keep their bloodline pure.”
Rarity’s eyes flew open. “But that’s—I mean, how could… that’s disgusting!”
Applejack walked over and gave Rarity a friendly pat on the back. “Oh, don’t be so judgemental. It ain’t just royalty. You see, in a small town like ponyville, sometimes ponies just get a little crossed up and whatnot. Why, if my research is correct, your mom and dad are second cousins.”
“WHAT?!”
More snickers came from the crowd. Applejack glared for a moment until she recognized the offenders. “Hey Thunderlane, did you bother to ask Roseluck who her parents were? If you had, you’d know you two were first cousins. Try keeping that out of your head next time you two are making out.”
Thunderlane’s eyes widened. He slowly sank into the crowd, desperate to avoid any prying eyes.
“And you two,” Applejack started, turning to face Cloudkicker and Flitter. “You two have no room to judge anypony. Another laugh, and I’ll let everyone know what you two do together.”
A blush spread across both of the pegasus’ lips as they tried to pretend nothing happened.
Applejack turned and motioned toward Pinkie who promptly fell into Applejack’s hooves. Wrapping a protective hoof around the pink mare, she smiled. “Got any other objections, Rarity, or should I go through some of my other findings? I found your family tree to be very interesting. Especially around the rule of Princess Platinum. Did you know she married her-”
“That’s quite enough!” Rarity pleaded, her eyes wide in desperation. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know, honestly. Please forgive me.”
Applejack looked down at the pink pony nestled against her. “Whattya think, Pinks? Should I forgive her?”
Pinkie giggled. “Of course you should. Rarity was just being silly.”
Looking up at the unicorn, Applejack gave her an approving nod. “All’s forgiven, sugarcube.”
Rarity’s lips curled into a smile. “For what it’s worth, now that the whole cousin issue is resolved, you two make a cute couple.”
“Aww, thanks!” Pinkie squealed happily, squeezing Applejack like a stuffed teddy bear.
Applejack watched as the unicorn disappeared into the throng of ponies. She wrapped a hoof around Pinkie’s shoulder and grinned. “I don’t think we have to worry about Rarity and her disapproving looks anymore.”
Back in her room at the apple farm, Applejack lay in bed, her eyes wandering to the far window. Pinkie sat on the edge of the bed, brushing her hair until it came out straight. She hummed one of her happy little tunes, while gently kicking her legs.
Before she fell for that wonderful fuzzball of happiness, Applejack never enjoyed the serenity of a moment. Any moment she had to sit still was a waste to her. Pinkie taught her in many ways to appreciate every moment she could get.
“Hey, Applejack?”
Turning her head to the side, she gave Pinkie a smile. “Yeah, sugarcube?”
“Why do ponies make a big deal out of something they don’t know anything about?” Pinkie asked, putting her brush on the nightstand.
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “You mean that cousin stuff?”
Pinkie nodded. Her long and flowing hair bouncing with the motion.
“I guess t’aint much different than how I used to feel about mares being with mares. I’d grown up around some ponies who thought it was wrong, and I never really questioned it. Weren’t till I’d met a few couples face to face that I realized how ridiculous it was to think that way. Some ponies just gotta learn things for themselves.”
The pink pony sat quietly, her lips set in a straight line. To see her so quiet bothered Applejack. In a flash, she grabbed Pinkie, causing her to shriek. Applejack took a deep breath and blew a raspberry right on the unsuspecting mare’s belly.
“Hehehehehe! Oh gosh! I can’t breathe! Ahahahahahah! Applejaaaaack!”
Pulling her head back, Applejack smiled at the still giggling pony, fighting for air between laughs. “Ready for bed, sugarcube?”
Pinkie practically threw herself at Applejack, wrapping one of her hooves across the cowpony’s strong chest. “More than ready,” she said, halfway through a yawn.
Applejack leaned back in her bed and turned off her lamp, extinguishing all but the moonlight beaming in through the window.
“Good night, Jackie.”
“Night, Pinks.”
Both ponies turned over, letting the silence of the night take hold.
“Hey Applejack?”
“Yes, Pinkie?”
Sitting up for a moment, Pinkie stared at her. “When are you going to tell everypony that the place in Canterlot said we aren’t cousins?”
A smile drew across Applejack’s lips. “When it stops being funny, sugarcube.”
