YandereKiller in Equestria!

by AppleScoots

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Dark, Alternate Universe, Sad, Drama
Length: 7102

A fanfiction writers alter ego gets his wish but with a huge twist! I must now live in Equestria. Will my view on life be changed or will it just lead to a bitter end?

A fanfiction writers alter ego gets his wish but with a huge twist! I must now live in Equestria. Will my view on life be changed or will it just lead to a bitter end?

Life. It's a funny thing. Most people love it, yet there are those that want nothing more than for their's to end.

Join me as my wish is given to me but not in way that I wanted. No longer on Earth I'm now on Equestria!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-24 19:21:43 UTC

An Abrupt end. An Abrupt Start.

I wake up and stand up out of my bed, I place my hand against a wall and stare at the floor giving myself time to stand up and look around.

‘I’m awake. I guess I should be used to it by now. There’s only so many times you can wish to be dead before you just learn that wishes are for fools with hope.’ I think to myself as I lightly chuckle.

I look to my left and see my TV and gaming console begging me to turn them on.

‘If I do I’ll just be hiding and waiting for my life to run out whilst staring at pixels and listening to the voices of online people. People who probably wish me gone but don’t wish to admit it. I don’t blame them, I want me gone too.’ I think to myself as I look towards the far right corner of my bedroom.

‘A pile of clothes and towels.... I could’ve sworn that my guitars where there as well.... I’ll look for them after my shower.’ I think to myself as I get undressed and grab the towel.

I wrap the towel around my waist and turn towards the door. I grab the handle and turn it causing a metal scraping sound.

‘This doors been here nearly as long as me. Battered and bruised. Should be broken but hanging on via a splinter. We share two things in common. Who would’ve thought. I have more in common with a door than most humans.’ I think to myself as I push the door open.

I see the bathroom door normally bright white and clean, but now it’s a dark and dirty white. It looks like it hasn’t been touched in decades and has been left to rot. I open the door and head in. Inside is an old-ish style bathroom. A dirty white sink caked in blood.

‘Another dream? Or just another moment where my dreams invade my reality?’ I think to myself as I look towards where the bath/shower combo is.

The shower curtain blocks the bath from view. I grab the shower curtain in a tight grip and gently pull it to the side. Behind the curtain is something that would normally cause someone to freak out and if I had seen this about 11 years ago I would’ve freaked out, but now it’s what would happen if my dream became reality.

Inside the bath is me lying back with a smile on my face, the water lying dormant against me. I guess calling it water isn’t right anymore. The red sludge like bath water clings to me and the sides of the bath as my hands limply lie against my chest, huge slits across the wrists oozing blood.

‘My dreams merging with reality seems to have been the answer. What a sick joke to play. A man begs for death and the mind plays tricks letting me see myself at peace yet won’t let me experience that which I yearn for. I guess my fault is that I’m a fool who clings to a hope that’ll never come. Like a garbage disposal worker wishing he could become a famous singer, yet he has the voice of a 90 year old chain smoker. I guess my dreams will stay just that. A dream.’ I think to myself as I head towards the sink.

I grab the cold handle of the cold water tap and turn it casting one last glance back at the happy me. I smirk as I run my hands under the water coating them in the liquid which should water. I look at the tap and see blood coming out. I close my eyes and splash the blood against my face. I reopen my eyes and see that everything is turned back to normal. The sink once caked in blood now shined a proud white, I look towards the bath and see it now to be empty and clean.

‘I can only hide from reality for so long.’ I think to myself as I take the towel off and hang it off of a radiator directly to my right. I sigh, turn around and move the shower curtain even more now showing the modern style shower and make sure it’s set to a warm temperature. I step back and let the water heat up for about 3 minutes, I then climb in and proceed to clean myself.

After cleaning myself and my hair I climb out, my body immediately is coated in goosebumps from the temperature change. I shiver as I grab the towel from the radiator and start to dry myself off. After I feel I’m dry enough I wrap the towel back around my waist and head back to my bedroom. I drop the towel to the ground and grab a pair of pure black boxers off of the floor and put them on, next I grab a black long sleeved T-Shirt with a white circle on the left bosom the words “New York City – The Bronx – Harlem –“ in a circle around the number 89, I then grab a pair of black tracksuit bottoms with three white stripes going down the outer sides of both thighs, I then grab a pair of plain white socks finishing my collection of what I’ll wear today.

I sit down on my bed and put the clothes on. I look to the far right corner of my room and see a tall wooden computer desk with its doors half closed. On top of it is an Applejack and Fluttershy plushie both of them 12 inches tall. Underneath them is a Play Station 1 and a book of English footballers I got when I was about 10. To the left of the plushies are two boxes of dog treats left behind from a time when I had to separate my two dogs, the female went into heat so I had to take her into my bedroom for about 3 weeks. Next to them is the one thing that has made being alive more bearable. My phone, connected to its charger and pair of pure white brandless headphones.

I stand up from my bed and head over to my desk. I unplug my phone and place it into my pocket. I look towards my pluhshies and smile.

‘I would give up all I had except my phone, its charger and my headphones to live in Equestria. Anywhere but here. It couldn’t be worse. I wonder if I ever where to travel there if I’d become a singer.... The teacher did say something about me having a decent voice.... Then again all of the ponies seemed to have better singing voices than me. Hell the background ones sang like professionals compared to me.’ I think to myself as I pull my phone out.

I plug the white headphones into the phone and turn it on. I swipe the screen to unlock it and press the button for “Google Play Music”. I head to the playlist section and decide that some sad music seems right. I open a playlist named “Favourites”. Songs from the albums : “Bad Vibrations, Guarded, Common Courtesy, Reflect Part 1 and Reflect Part 2.” Come up in a list for me to pick from.

‘I’ll start with some “Invisible (Acoustic)” by Abandoning Sunday. Nice way to start I guess.’ I think to myself as I press the screen where the song name is.

I put the headphones on just as the song starts. Sit listening to the song till the soft part starts to play and I decide to join the singer in singing the ending.

“I feel so old and I've been here before.

My heart is frozen lifeless.

My head screams no, don't hope anymore? Just let it go.

So take back every word you said.

Of how you still see me the same.

And every thought that’s in my head.

That made me think that I had changed.

Replace these feelings that I had.

With anything that makes some sense.

You said in time that I'll be fine.

But can it get me over this?

The heavens scream you've been here before.

A fool to hope for something more.

Just take my hand, I'm shaking scared.

And hold me back right here.

And hold me back right here.

And hold me back right here.

Just hold me back right here.” I finish.

‘I’m always a little out of tune. I still need more practise.’ I think to myself as I sigh.

I stand up and leave my bedroom and start to head downstairs towards the living room. I open the door and enter the room. The white painted over wallpaper which has red butterfly stickers stuck to it. The black leather couch with one big red cushion on it holds my small white with brown spots pet Chihuahua Dottie, given to me by my sister to look after when she got bored of barely feeding it or having to let it out. I then see a brown furry head poke around the kitchen door.

‘Oh dear god no.’ I think to myself as I start to walk towards the kitchen door.

I look around the corner and see no mess.

“Why where you hiding?” I ask the culprit.

The brown god looks at me then walks past.

‘Like a child to its parent. Walking by and ignoring the question.’ I think to myself as I smirk.

“Don’t walk away from me Reginald. Why where you hiding?” I ask again.

The brown short haired German Sheppard looks at me, lets out a whine then lays down to the left of the couch.

‘I don’t know what type of response I was expecting.’ I think to myself as I facepalm at my own stupidity.

I head over to the couch and sit down on it. I look at the TV in front of me and then look down at the small square hole in the wall surrounded by an old metal fireplace that would look at home in a Victorian house.

‘I look at this and every time I think the same thing. Why the difference in eras?’I think to myself as I look around and spy the three dark brown cabinets that have caused my toes lots of misfortune.

I sit back up and head towards the kitchen to get a drink and something to eat. I through the kitchen doorway and take a minute to look around.

‘The cold water seems to have worked. A normal looking kitchen.’ I think to myself as I look around.

The white walls surround the area only splitting to allow a door and a medium sized window. Over the window are pink and white striped curtains the stripes going vertically. Next to the window is a knife block with a range of colourful knives, pink, green, blue, red. A strange arrangements of colors. Above them is a shelf holding an assortment of books, tins and pills. I see pills for cancer treatment, sleeping pills and cold and flu pills.

I walk towards the shelf and raise my hand up and grab the packet of sleeping pills. I open the packet and take out 10 tablets.

‘Let’s give this one more try.’ I think to myself as one by one I swallow them all not using any water.

I immediately feel tired and weak, using the walls to support myself I make my way back to the couch in the living room. I flop down onto the couch looking at the packet of pills that still sit in my grasp. I let the empty packet fall to the ground as I slowly let my eyes close.

‘Hopefully this’ll be the last overdose attempt.’ I think as all turns to black....

“JOSH! WAKE UP! PLEASE I BEG JUST WAKE UP!” I hear the voice of my mum choking back tears as she tries to wake me up.

“PLEASE WAKE UP!” She screams.

“JOSH! WAKe up.” My mum’s voice fades into a different voice, one I recognise immediately.

‘Fluttershy?’ I think to myself as I hear the familiar voice.

“You have to wake up. Come on now wakey wakey.” Fluttershy’s voice says again.

I open my eyes and am sat in a house I recognise immediately.

‘Fluttershy’s house? How did I get here?’ I think to myself as I rub my eyes and sit up.

“There we go, come on I have a banana for you if you get off of the chair and let mummy sit there.” Fluttershy’s voice offers.

“No thanks I’m not a fan of fruit.” I reply as I stretch my arms.

“AHHHHHH! A TALKING MONKEY!” Fluttershy ‘screams’.

“Calm down Fluttershy. I’m not gonna do anything.”  I say trying to calm her down.

“W-why are you talking? I mean, How are you talking?” Fluttershy asks.

“A voice box which has changed over thousands of years of evolution and intellectual teachings.” I answer as I look down at myself.

I’m wearing the same clothes as earlier except there are some hoof prints on the T-Shirt.

“You mudded my T-Shirt.... Really? *sigh* I guess I’ll have to find a place to clean it.” I say as I try patting the area that’s muddy.

“C-can I ask you some questions Mr....” Fluttershy asks.

“Josh, just call me Josh.” I reply as I stand up.

“W-what are you?” Fluttershy asks.

“I’m a human. The only one in Equestria as I seem to remember from the show.” I reply as I scratch my chin through my scruffy beard in thought.

“H-Human? I’ve never heard of one of those.” Fluttershy says as she squeaks a bit in fear.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“A-are you dangerous?” Fluttershy asks as she shakes in fear.

“To you? No. To myself and those that try to bring me suffering? Yes.” I reply bluntly.

“To.... Yourself?” Fluttershy asks confused.

“I’m suicidal. I wanna kill myself so I don’t have to live anymore. In fact that’s the last thing I remember before waking up in your house. I took 10 sleeping pills which should’ve made my heart stop and killed me.... Yet.... Here I am talking to you.”I answer as I think about how I got here.

“That’s terrible. Why would you WANT to die?” Fluttershy asks as she slowly trots up to me.

“I’ll use you as an example. Imagine if no animals wanted to be anywhere near you and every time you even looked at them they would shout abuse at you. Imagine if you were attracted to a load of ponies but could never get with a single one of them due to fear of being rejected. Imagine watching the pony you love kissing and hugging another mare why you are forced to sit by their side and smile. Imagine every time you try to do something somepony else ruins it for their own amusement. Imagine every time you try to feel happy something immediately makes you sad.” I reply as I take a look around the room.

“T-That’s terrible. But you shouldn’t kill yourself over it. You shouldn’t want to die just because you feel sad. I know! You should meet Pinkie Pie! She’s great at cheering people up.” Fluttershy squeaks at her outburst.

“No thanks. She’s interesting and all but I’d rather not meet someone who’s constantly happy go lucky.” I reply as I head towards the front door.

“W-Where are you going?” Fluttershy asks.

“To look for a lake or something to drown myself in. If I remember correctly your house is near the Everfree forest and inside the Everfree forest there’s a river that has a huuuuuge serpent in it. I think his name’s George or something.” I answer as I exit her house and close the door.

“No, no, no! You are not leaving here. Not while you’re thinking like that.” Fluttershy says as she opens the door and grabs onto my legs.

“You know for such a cute looking mare you’re really strong.” I say as I wink at Fluttershy.

She squeaks and let’s go of my legs.

‘Thank god for her shyness. Even a fatass like me can make her nervous.’ I think to myself as I chuckle.

Putting my hands in my pockets I continue to walk towards the huge forest that is near Fluttershy’s house. The darkness caused by Celestia’s sun blocked out by the uncontrollable clouds of the Everfree forest. I look up to the sun as I’m suddenly blinded by it as a cloud moves out of its way causing me to raise my right hand above my head to block the sun’s rays.

“Are you Josh?” A happy voice asks.

“Fuck off Pinkie Pie.” I say as I lower my hand and continue to walk away.

“Fuck off? Do you mean Buck off?” Pinkie Pie asks.

“Talk to me again and I’ll break your muzzle.” I reply as I take long slow steps towards the forest.

“That’s not very....” Pinkie Pie says before I grab her muzzle.

I force her head against the ground and ready my foot to stomp onto her muzzle.

“MMFF! MMFPHH!” Pinkie Pie squeals as she tries to wiggle free.

I let go of her muzzle.

“Why do you have to be so mean!” Pinkie Pie shouts as she runs away crying.

“Because in my world that’s what you have to do.” I mumble my reply as she’s out of range to hear my voice.

I look back towards the Pink pony and stare for a second.

‘Sometimes I wish my world hadn’t taught me that.’ I think to myself as I turn back towards the forest and sigh.

I continue my trek.

I finally take my first step into the forest, which reminds me of the forests from back home: Dark, damp and full of wildlife.

‘This place.... Should be burnt down for even resembling home.’ I think to myself as I grit my teeth.

“Er-Urm. Mr. Josh sir, y-you left your things.... I-I thought I’d bring them for you.” Fluttershy says as she shakes in terror.

“Hehe. Thanks Fluttershy.” I say to her with a smile.

‘NO! Don’t be nice! Come on mind don’t do this to me! We need to stay alone till we can get the job done.’ I beg to myself.

“Th-thanks for not hurting me. I-I’m sorry!” Fluttershy squeaks.

“Oh yeah.... Ealier.... Listen I’m sorry about that. I was just really angry.” I reply with a look of disappointment on my face which is aimed towards myself.

“W-Would you liked to come back to my house a-and have some tea?” Fluttershy asks.

“Sure.” I reply with a smile.

‘NOOO! YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING IDIOT! FUCK! FUCK! FUUUUCK!’ I scream in my head.

Fluttershy beams a smile at me then squeaks and hides behind her mane in embarrassment.

“W-we should get heading back b-before it gets dark.” Fluttershy says as she peeks from behind her mane.

“Good idea.” I say happily.

I decide to take the lead and Fluttershy who seems happy with just following.

When we make it outside of the forest I see a group of around 15 day guards in shiny golden armour.

“Double crossed. I should’ve listened to myself.” I chuckle as I raise my fists readying myself to fight back.

15 bolts of lightning are fired at me all at once, all of them colliding and causing my whole body to twitch uncontrollably due to the electricity coursing through my nerves. My body immediately starts to smoke.

“S-Stop! That’s too much lightning!” Fluttershy ‘shouts’ at the guards.

The guards immediately stop. In front of them lies my body burnt and smoking. I take one last look around, then let my eyelids slowly close.

“We need to get it to the castle and into the dungeon as soon as possible.” A familiar voice rings in my ears.

‘Shining Armour.’ I think to myself as all goes black and cold.

Squishy Squishy Forehead!

I wake up with my back against a hard wall. I open my eyes and see that I’m in a prison cell, the walls are dark, dull grey lined with gems of all colours. I turn to look to my right and see a long sharp spike like ruby coloured gem seemingly resting on my shoulder. I slide out from under the gem and stand up as I dust myself off.

“Shining Bitch.” I groan as I stretch my arms causing clicks to ring through the cell.

“That little bitch Sluttershy. I’ll gut her when I get out.” I say through clenched teeth as I fall to one knee and place my right hand over my right eye.

‘Fucking god I hate when that happens.’ I think to myself as I stand back up.

“I aren’t gonna hurt Fluttershy.” I chuckle as I lower my hand from my eye. “I need to apologise to Pinkie from earlier.” I say out loud with a chuckle.

‘No you don’t. We talked about this. Stay away from the ponies till we find a way to get out of here.’ A voice resonates in my head.

“I wonder if I apologise if she’ll become my friend.” I think out loud as I scratch my beard.

Images of my attempted suicides flash in my head.

‘No you don’t.’ The voice resonates.

I raise my right hand back to my right eye and clench both of my eyes shut as tight as possible as I fall onto my knees and hold myself up with my left hand.

My sight blackens.

As my sight comes back I see a large blood splatter on the wall in front of me through blurred eyes. My head then slams against the wall with enough impact for me to feel my skull crack open.

“AH! Fuck!” I think to myself only to be stopped by a large pain causing me to hold my hands against my forehead. My forehead now feels soft and squishy.

“That’s only the second time I’ve lost control like that.” I mumble to myself.

‘I need to get this checked out.’ I think to myself as I stand up.

My legs feel weak and shaky as I stagger my way towards the front bars of the cell. As I reach them I fall forward getting my hands in front of me in time to catch myself and not cause me to hit my head against the bars.

“Guards? Guards I need some help please?” I ask as I let my head lay against the bars.

“Shut up freak. We don’t care about your fake injuries.” A guard groans as he stands facing away from the cell.

Blood starts pooling at the bottom of the bars.

“Turn around you dumbass.” I groan against the bars.

“Dumb what?” He asks as he turns around. “Dear Celestia.” Is all he can say before he throws up at the sight of all the blood.

“First time seeing blood? I forgot you ponies aren’t used to gore.” I say with a smirk.

“Wh-Who’s blood is that?!” The guard asks as he aims a spear at me.

“Mine.... I’m the only one in this cell.” I reply with a chuckle.

“What the buck is wrong with you?!” With the guard shouts.

“Well if I had to say the fact that my skull feels like your wife’s flanks, soft and squishy is probably my main problem.” I say with a smirk.

“D-Don’t talk about her like that!” The guard growls at me.

“HAHAHAHA! You actually have a wife! HAHAHAHAHA! That’s perfect! That just makes my jab SOOOOOO much better!” I reply as I laugh so much my lungs hurt.

“Shut up freak!” The guard growls.

“Fine, fine. Can I see a nurse now? I haven’t actually done anything illegal yet.” I ask.

“Fine, but you’re lucky I even let you leave the cell you cow flank.” The guard says with venom behind his voice.

“I’ve heard better insults from my 8 year old nephew bro. I’ll let you have one more shot.” I reply with a smirk as I pull myself back to my feet and step away from the bars.

“No. Now just shut up till we get to the hospital. Now where’s Ponyville on the map again? Ah there it is.” The guard mumbles the last part to himself but loud enough for me to hear.

“Ooooh. I get to meet Nurse Redheart? I hear she’s got a nice ass I mean flank. You seen it yet guard dude?” I ask happily.

“Yeah it’s good I guess, a little too muscular for me but hay. What you gonna WAIT! I said SHUT UP FREAK!” The guard stops as he regains concentration from looking at the map.

“What? Can’t two stallions have guy talk about mares? Jeez you guards are stuffy assholes.” I reply with a bored sigh.

“Two things. One, you’re NOT a stallion and Two I am NOT stuffy! I just don’t think it’s really a relevant topic.” The guard replies.

“Fine.... Which of the mane six do you think has the best flank? I gotta go with Rarity. I can dig a girl like her.” I ask.

“ARGH! FINE! If it’ll shut you up! I think Twilights got a nice flank! NOW WILL YOU SHUT UP!” The guards shouts.

“Told ya ya look fine Twilight. No need to lose no weight.” A farm girl’s voice says from a doorway.

“Hi Applejack!” I shout.

“Erm.... Hi whoever said that!” Applejacks voice shouts back.

“Don’t answer them Applejack dear. They’re all dirty and seem rather rude.” Rarities voice come from a doorway.

“Dayum! Rarity yo Flank got my pants tight!” I shout.

“Who said that!?” Rarity’s head pokes round the door way looks at all the cells then goes back through the doorway.

I couldn’t help but snicker at the ponies.

“Rarity your marehood’s on display!” I shout with a snicker.

I hear a scream and the sounds of chuckles coming from some ponies.

“Right! Which one of you ruffians has no manners?!” Rarity shouts as she walks through the doorway with her tail taped to her flanks.

I raise my right hand.

“I-is that blood?” Rarity asks.

“Oh the forehead and ground? Yeah that’s my blood.” I reply as I wipe my forehead with my right hand causing my forehead to be squished inwards.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Rarity says as she holds her front hooves against her mouth.

“We were actually about to head down to Ponyville hospital to meet Nurse Redheart.” I say as I rub my hands together.

“And to get you checked out.” The guard says with a sigh.

“Yeah that too. But after I have a nice chat with Nurse Redheart.” I reply with a grin.

The guard groans.

“Does that not hurt?” Rarity asks.

“’Course it does. I’m just good at ignoring pain. Years of self harm does that too you.” I reply with a chuckle.

“Y-You self harm?” Rarity asks.

“Not anymore. I haven’t for about 2 years now but the resistance to pain stayed I guess.” I say as I scratch my beard in thought.

“T-That’s the monster that attacked me!” Pinkie Pie’s voice comes from behind Rarity.

“Ah! Just the pony I was hoping to see!” I say happily.

“Wh-why? Are you gonna hurt me again?” Pinkie Pie asks as her hair flattens.

“Nah, I wanted to say I’m sorry. You caught me at a terrible time.” I apologise hoping she’ll forgive me.

“It’s okay! Maybe we could get to know eachother and be friends then we could hang out at Sugarcube Corner and play with the foals! Ohhh! It could be sooo much fun!” Pinkie Pie nearly bursts as she gets excited at the idea of a new friend.

“Sure, but maybe not the foals. I’m not that good with kids.” I reply with a smile.

“Awww.” Pinkie groans disappointedly.

“Anyway.... Gross thing in the jail cell.... What are you?” Rarity asks with a nervous voice.

“Me? I’m a human. Tall bipedal creatures. Tend to be rather lanky but not me. I’m squishy and proud.” I say with a smile.

“Anyway. Nice that you guys got all buddy, buddy but we need to get him to the hospital.” The guard interrupts.

“I forgot about you for a second there Darling. But I didn’t forget what you said about Twilight! A guard isn’t meant to be perverted. What would Celestia think if she found out that you peeped on Twilights flanks? HER personal student?” Rarity asks with venom.

“I don’t know. It’s gonna be something bad isn’t it?” The guard asks with a gulp.

“Yes!” Rarity says with as much venom as possible.

“Meep.” The guard squeaks before sprinting off.

“Great.... Now who am I gonna talk to about your hot as fuck flanks NOW?” I ask in mock annoyance.

“MY WHAT?” Rarity shouts.

“Your HOT as FUCK FLANKS.” I say adding emphasis to the three words.

“H-How dare you PEEP on me! Y-You PERVERT!” Rarity squeaks.

“Fine! I’ll peep on AppleJack then. She’s got an awesome pair of flanks as well.” I say with a smirk.

AppleJacks face immediately turns bright red as she turns around to kick me. Just as AppleJack kicks her legs through the bars I grab her legs and hold them together. I then place a kiss on her left flank cheek then let go.

“Oooo! Fuzzy!” I say with a chuckle.

AppleJacks face turns to one of pure embarrassment.

“Damn varmint.” AppleJack growls under her breath as she tries to kick me again.

She kicks her legs once again to be caught by me.

“Now then. Let’s test a little FanFiction I read a while back.” I say with a smirk.

I then start using my thumbs to gently massage her hooves.

“What are you....” She doesn’t finish her sentence as her voice gets caught in her throat.

“Wow. It might actually be true.” I say with a inquisitive look on my face.

“Damn *pant*Varmint *pant*. Oh god.” AppleJack starts panting.

“Ah it does work like that then.” I say with nod of my head.

I then let go of AppleJacks hooves letting them fall to the ground.

AppleJack stands up on wobbly legs and starts to walk away only to fall over as she does so.

“JOSH! That’s a bad Human!” Pinkie says wagging a hoof like an owner would at a dog.

“Don’t question Pinkie Pie eh Twilight?” I say with a wink.

“H-How do you know about us?” Fluttershy asks with a nervous shiver.

“Well.... If it isn’t Fluttershy.... I followed you like the mice follow the piper. And like the mice I was a fool.... But so where you for tricking me. I won’t let this ever escape my memory Fluttershy.... I will remember this day till my death. I will never let you forget what you did. Watch your little pets.... You never know what happens in the Everfree.” I say with a smirk.

“Y-You wouldn’t hurt them would you?” Fluttershy asks with a gulp.

“No, of course not. I’ll kill them before they feel pain. But don’t worry Fluttershy I’ll let you live. I’ll just kill every single animal you come across.” I say as I spit some blood out of my mouth that dribbled from my forehead.

“NO!” Fluttershy squeaks.

“Yes! Imagine it Fluttershy. The dead bodies of Squirrels, Chipmunks, Dogs any animal you make a friend will be killed!” I say with a snicker.

“W-Why? Why must you do this?” Fluttershy asks on the verge of tears.

“As if I‘d kill an animal. Well.... Unless it’s a chicken. I do need to eat.” I say as I jiggle the bars.

The ponies give me a disgusted look.

“Can we get going now? I do need to get this checked out.” I say as I let go of the bars to point at my forehead.

The ponies look to each other then sigh.

“Fine. But if we let you out you have to be on your best behaviour.” Twilight says with a glare.

“I need to look good in front of Nurse Redheart so of course I’ll behave.” I say with a chuckle.

Twilight groans then uses her magic to open the cell.

I stretch then step out.

“Well then. Shall we get going? AppleJack lead the way.” I say with a smirk.

“Me? Why me? Ah thought we’d be following Twilight. That’s what we always do.” AppleJack replies.

“Well I wanna watch your flanks. They ARE amazing. I just wanna stick my tongue between them and taste the Apple “Pie”.” I say with a wink.

AppleJack angrily kicks her legs backwards into me causing me to fall to my knees winded.

“Dayum girl.... I knew you where..... Strong.... But never that strong....” I pant.

“Maybe that’ll teach ya a lesson.” AppleJack says with a humph.

I then outstretch my hands and slap her flank then stand up and sprint away laughing.

“WHY YOU DANG VARMINT! GET YA FLANK OVER HERE AND TAKE YA BEATING LIKE A STALLION!” AppleJack shouts as she chases after me.

“ONLY IF YOU LET ME SQUEEZE YOURS!” I shout back laughing.

AppleJack growls and leans puts her head forwards making her a little faster.

“Oh fuck!” I say as I put more effort into running faster.

“GOT YA!” AppleJack shouts as she jumps at me and lands on my back causing me to fall onto my face.

“AHHHH! FUCK! MY HEAD! You little orange freak. I will fucking gut you where you stand.” I shout as I push myself up flinging AppleJack off of me. “I will cut you and rape you whilst you fucking bleed out you broodmare bitch!” I growl.

I fall onto my backside panting heavily forcing myself to calm down.

“Listen.... I’m sorry about what I just said, Just. Let’s just get to the hospital okay? I need some time to calm down.” I say panting.

“Let’s just get him to the hospital then bring him back to the dungeon.” Twilight says glaring at me.

I look towards AppleJack and see that she is on the verge of tears looking at the ground. I walk up to her and rest a hand on her back.

“I’m sorry AppleJack, I wish I could explain myself. But that would take a while just I didn’t mean....” I say before get cut off by AppleJack.

“Just shut up. We’re gettin’ ya to tha hospital then yer going back into the cell. And get off of me! I don’t want ya anywhere near me.” AppleJack growls.

“Okay, let’s get going then.” I say glumly.

We head out of the dungeons up some stairs into a large hall made of light purple marble with trims made of golden wood and banners of different style hanging on them. On the ground lay a red carpet trimmed with a wine red shade.

“This place looks cool. Celestia sure knows how to make a castle.” I say smiling.

“Shut up and keep walking.” Twilight says glaring at me.

“If I did that then the walk would be boring.... Hey Pinkie wanna play Eye-Spy?” I ask happily.

“SURE! I Spy with my little eye something beginning with B!” Pinkie Pie sings.

“Banner?” I ask hoping I’m correct.

“Yeah! Awesome first guess! Your turn! Your turn!” Pinkie says hopping up and down.

“I spy with my little eye something beginning with.... C!” I say rubbing my hands together.

“Celestia!” Twilight shouts before running ahead.

“Damn she got it.... I thought I was the only one who saw her.” I say fake pouting.

“TWILIGHT IT’S YOUR TURN!” Pinkie shouts happily.

“Not now Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash says as she flies towards Twilight and Celestia.

“Shall we play later Pinkie?” I ask.

“Yeah!” Pinkie says happily as she bursts into confetti and then appears next to Twilight.

“Okay.” I say as I jog towards the group.

AppleJack then starts to canter over to us.

“Let me catch my breath please. I’m fat so stamina sucks.” I say as I rest my hands on my knees.

“Okay, I’m good now. What where you two talking about?” I ask.

“By my royal decree, you are here by banished to the Everfree forest. For your crimes of assaulting a pony and then sexually assaulting another.” Celestia says with an annoyed look on her face.

“That place is just like home. I should be fine.” I say with a shrug.

“Back home? What was your home like?” Celestia asks.

“Imagine the Everfree but with lots of humans in it. And less trees. And wildlife. And grass. Imagine the Everfree but instead of trees there are buildings.” I explain.

“Sounds awful.” Twilight says with an interest expression on her face.

“The exact opposite to that. For humans life is too easy. We overpopulate the earth by a large amount.” I say as I scratch my bearded chin.

“How small is ‘Earth’?” Twilight asks.

“It’s huge. We’re just incredibly numerous.” I answer.

“How many? Twilight asks looking at me with an interested look.

“Over 7 billion. But whatever I don’t care about Earth. I still need to go see Nurse Redheart. I need to get my head checked out.” I say as I point to my forehead.

“WHAT! THAT’S SO MANY!” Twilight shouts.

“Jeez no need to shout so loud.” I say as I rub my right hand against my right ear.

“He he, Sorry. But why didn’t you tell us that where you come from has so many people?” Twilight asks.

“I didn’t think it was important.... Is it?” I ask as I let my hand fall to my side before bringing my left hand up to scratch my face.

“Yes it is. If you’re people where to invade then we would be outnumbered greatly.” Celestia says with a serious expression.

“That would probably happen.... If I didn’t kill myself and wake up here.... Trust me. No human is coming to invade. Even if they did they’d have to get through me first. Which means yeah they’ll get you put I’ll stop about 3 of them.” I say with a chuckle.

Celestia looks at me with a disturbed look on her face.

“Y-You killed yourself?” Celestia asks.

“Yep. That’s how I got here. I took enough sleeping pills to cause my heart to slow down enough to stop and then I woke up here. In the land of Equestria.” I say as I scratch my head.

“That’s awful. Why would you ever kill yourself?” Celestia asks her voice faltering a little due to her shock.

“Because I wanted to, isn’t obvious? I didn’t want to live anymore so I stopped.” I say with a wink.

“I believe we have a place that you can stay in. It’s in Ponyville.” Celestia says with a serious look on her face.

“Ponyville mental hospital?” I ask with a sigh.

“How did you know?” Celestia asks with a look of confusion on her face.

“Because I’m insane. Where else would someone stick the insane?” I ask rhetorically.

“I see. Well then I guess we’ll have no agreements here then?” Celestia asks with a sigh.

“We can agree on disagreeing. It’d be cool to meet Screwy but no thanks. I prefer the idea of living in the Everfree. I can hunt for food there.” I say as I scratch my chin in thought.

“Why would you pick being banished over a shelter and free food?” Celestia asks.

“Because the nasty garbage that they would be giving to me is inedible and I need meat to function otherwise I wouldn’t be able to function properly.” I answer.

“You do realise how dangerous the Everfree is right?” Rainbow Dash asks with a look of confusion on her face.

“Of course I do. Manticores. Cockatrices, you know.... Shit like that.” I answer.

“That’s not all! The clouds can’t even be controlled so the weather is random! RANDOM!” Rainbow Dash points out.

“Same with my old world.” I reply with a facepalm.

“Really?” Celestia asks as she sits down.

“No point sitting down Juicy Flank. I aren’t explaining my old world since it’s literally pointless to talk about it.” I answer.

“Juicy Flank?” Celestia asks raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Yep. One of the best flanks in all of Equestria. After Rarity and AppleJack of course but hey. I would still tap it.” I say as I wink at her.

Celestia then bursts out laughing.

“I like that you don’t treat us as royalty. It’s a nice breath of fresh air. But you’re still being either Banished or put in the Mental hospital. So no royal flank for you.” Celestia says with a giggle.

“Mind if I take a picture of the Juicy Flank so I can clop to it later then?” I ask as I wiggle my eyebrows.

“What?” Everypony asks at the same time.

“Oh! You thought I was joking? Nah I was being serious you guys are hot as hell. Now like I asked. Since I can’t bury my face in between your royal flank can I at least get a picture of it?” I ask.

Rarity, AppleJack and Celestia all have blushes on their faces.

“Well..........” I say making a go on gesture with my right hand.

I then hear a feminine voice start laughing from behind me.

“Anyway, jokes aside can I finally go to the hospital and get my head checked out?” I ask as I poke at my forehead.

“Okay. Since I see that it’s rather serious I do believe teleportation might be a good idea.” Celestia says after facehoofing.

My vision is then blinded by a bright light followed by my body feeling like it’s being stretched then squashed. Then my vision comes back and I see that I’m in the Ponyville Hospital.

“Princess Celestia!” A feminine voice shouts.

“Nurse Redheart! My favourite nurse.” I say with a smirk.

“Are you looking at my flanks?” Redheart asks with a creeped out look on her face.

“Nope. Definitely not. Never. I’m no pervert.” I say with the same smirk plastered on my face.

Nurse Redheart then sighs.

“How can I help you Princess Celestia?” Nurse Redheart asks as she drops down to a bow.

“He needs his head checked to see if he has any serious damage.” Celestia answers as she points a hoof towards me.

“Very well, come on then.” Redheart says as she stands back up and walks out of the room.

“Bye then.” I say as I wave goodbye and walk out of the room following Nurse Redheart.