Consarn it, Discord!

by mokaevans

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1971

It was a normal day of Apple Buckin’ for Applejack, the sound of hooves hitting trees, apples falling into buckets, Discord constantly grating on her last nerve…well it was a normal day…

When Discord is bored, he decides the best way to cure it to go annoy somepony else. Unfortunately for Applejack he chooses to annoy her. Determined to get a hard day's work in anyway Applejack tries to ignore him, but Discord has plenty of ideas and an arsenal of tricks at his disposal.
it's gonna one of those days...

Published 2016-11-02 19:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-02 19:20:01 UTC

Consarn it Discord!

Discord was bored, and that was a state he never wanted to be in. Boredom was, in a way, the antithesis of chaos. Boredom happened when there was nothing interesting going on, when everything was so mundane and neutral that one found themselves complaining about it. Chaos was anything but boring.

And yet here he was lying on his couch and wondering how he could be bored. He had infinite possibilities at the snap of his interspecies parts, yet every time he did something all he could think was 'meh'. Though chaos should never be boring the constant exposure to it occasionally had that effect. What was fun about his abilities was seeing the reaction of others.

Discord sighed, why did Fluttershy have to take that trip with Tree hugger. After the grand galloping gala Discord had agreed to give her time with her other friends, but that still didn't mean he enjoyed it. If Fluttershy was here he wouldn't be bored.

He briefly considered interrupting Twilight's dinner with the other three princesses but dismissed the thought almost immediately. He simply wasn't in the mood to deal with four ticked off Alicorns. Not because he couldn't, alicorns were merely the highest point of evolution for a pony, but because it seemed like too much of a hassle.

No, what Discord needed was someone who got riled up easy enough that he'd feel it was worth it, but hard enough for it to still be fun. Thinking over his options Discord smirked his eyes lighting with mischief as he rubbed his hands in anticipation. He knew just the pony. With a laugh reminiscent of his villainous days Discord snapped his claw and vanished.
-MLP—

Apple buckin' was one of the greatest pleasures in Applejack's life. She enjoyed the energy of the buck, the feel of the trunk against her hooves, and the satisfying sound of apples falling neatly in the baskets below, signifying a job well done. She enjoyed the rush of adrenaline that comes with a good work out and looking over the orchard as the sun set, knowing that every apple free tree out there was the result of hard work.

When she was apple buckin' the rest of the world vanished, there was only the buck, the tree, and the apples. The buck, the tree, and the apples. The buck, the tree, Discord, and the apples. Wait- what?! Applejack blinked, sure she'd been seeing things, why would Discord be here of all places? Applejack sighed upon seeing no sign of Discord. 'Maybe I've been workin' myself to hard.' Reasonably appeased by this notion Applejack turned to buck the next tree.

"Hello Applejack!" Discord said appearing out of nowhere and deliberately making his voice as loud and annoyingly cheerful as possible.

Startled Applejack stepped back her hooves running into the baskets of apples behind her. All at once Applejack found herself on her rump, the baskets of apples on their sides, scattering apples about the area. Applejack sat there for second still in shock at the sudden appearance of a 'friend' who should by no account be here. Upon the realization of what had just occurred Applejack felt a mixture of anger and exasperation. Taking a second to calm herself she proceeded to stand. If she was going to be dealing with Discord she was going to do so upright and aware of her surroundings.

"What in Celestia's name are you doing here Discord." Applejack stated, her voice carrying that calm tone some ponies get when they're trying not to sound angry.

"Me?" Discord replied, as if the very fact she'd questioned his presence was an affront. "I can't just be here for a visit?" His eyes were wide and filled with innocence, a halo over his head. "and here I thought we were friends." Discord flashed a convincing pair of puppy dog eyes at her.

Applejack rolled her eyes at his antics. "I believe that as much as I'd believe a fox caught his head in the henhouse."

Discord got a sly look in his eye, which was swiftly replaced with a look of faux sadness. "Oh, it's just Fluttershy isn't here today and she assured me you would all be willing to keep me company." This wasn't a complete lie, Fluttershy had suggested he try being around other elements when she'd left, though she'd never said they'd accommodate him. "But I can see she was wrong." Discord huffed folding his arms.

Applejack raised an eyebrow at this. "Well Fluttershy'll understand when I tell her you were interruptin' me in the middle of a harvest. Now if you'll excuse me I've got trees to buck." Ignoring Discord's look of mischief Applejack proceeded to the next tree.

"I promise you won't even know I'm here." Discord smirked. He watched her head to the next tree and line up her buck. Then, just before she hit the tree, Discord spoke again. "Really it'll be as if I'm invisible." As he said this he disappeared. "See?"

Applejack scowled as she heard apples falling everywhere. 'Consarn it all!' Discord had done that on purpose. Applejack grit her teeth.
"If yer gonna be quiet then be quiet." Applejack said tersely.
Unbeknownst to her Discord was grinning widely. 'She's cracking, She's cracking.' He thought jovially.

"I will!" Discord said, zipping he mouth shut. "Ee ou an arely ear e."

Applejack sighed walking to the next tree and aligning her buck. She frowned, this time the apples had hit the basket but the impact was off. After years of growing and harvesting apples she knew the sound of apples hitting the basket. This wasn't it. Turning Applejack felt her blood boil as she saw what was in her baskets. Oranges. Discord had turned her apples into oranges.

"Discord," Applejack's voice seemed almost feral, "Why'd you turn my apples into oranges?"

"Ell I hought ou'd ike omething lse to ring o arket his ear." Discord said, his voice still muffled by the zipper.

Applejack grit her teeth in a desperate attempt to reign in her anger. "What?" She said her voice low and cold.

"Ell I hought ou'd ike omething lse to ring o arket his ear." Discord repeated.

"UNZIP, the dern zipper." Applejack said, starting to yell but stopping herself halfway.

Smirking, which looked very odd with his mouth still zipped shut, Discord unzipped his mouth and said with a teasing lilt, "Well I thought you'd like something else to bring to market this year."

Applejack simply stared, flabbergasted. 'He- what- but- ', Shaking her head to clear it, Applejack came back to her senses, a look of unpresented frustration on her face.

"Consarn it Discord! You can't just turn an apple into an orange, an' I oughta know!" Applejack exclaimed.

"I break the laws of physics, nearly send another pony into an alternate dimension, and you don't think I'm capable of turn an apple into an orange? Really Applejack I expected more of you." Discord countered, his voice full of false outrage.

Applejack inhaled, he was getting to her and he knew it, the nuisance. As she approached the next tree Discord snuck up behind her.

"Perhaps I should help!" Discord slid his way past her, his tail brushing her face. He expected her to get mad, what he didn't expect was a buck to his snake like body. "What was that for?!" He exclaimed, surprised.

"Reflex." Applejack said tersely. It wasn't a lie. She truly had bucked him out of reflex. That she'd wanted to buck him before hand was a bonus.

And so it went as Applejack continued to buck trees a montage began, during which Discord changed the color of her apples, made them grow the size of a barn, made the tree grow taller and turned her into a Pegasus. How he had managed to do so she didn't know.

Applejack was at her wits end; Discord had been at it for near an hour now and she was beginning to wonder if not yelling at Discord was worth it. She knew that was what he wanted and she'd be darned if it wasn't tempting to give it to him. She wasn't gonna give into the urge, she was made of stronger stuff then that. She could always threaten to tell Fluttershy, but she wasn't sure how much weight the threat would hold. Besides, she wanted to beat him herself. Make him lose his own game without stooping to his level.

She found herself comparing Discord to some of the dogs owned by the residents in Ponyville. Well behaved when their master, or in this case best friend, was around but an absolute menace when they weren't. 'Dern dogs, chasin' Winona.' At this Applejack paused, when she started to think about Winona Discord was easier to ignore.

'So all I have to do is focus on something besides Discord.' At this Applejack smirked and those who knew her would be surprised at how natural it looked on her face. Applejack continued to think about Winona. How cute she was when she chased her tail, how happy she was when she caught a critter trying to steal Applejack's crop and was justly rewarded, and the time she and Winona stopped a rampaging heard of cattle from running through Ponyville. As she thought of her beloved pet she felt most of her irritation leave. It was still there but somehow she knew she could ignore it.

Discord frowned, something was wrong. Why wasn't Applejack reacting? Perhaps she'd gotten used to the minor tricks he had been doing. It was time to turn it up a notch.

Applejack startled as Discord made his head look like Twilight, then Rarity, his head then shifted through the rest of the elements and all the other princesses. It was incredibly distracting. Winona wasn't gonna be enough to combat this. Applejack tried to think of another distraction. It was about the time Applebloom got out of school…

Discord was getting frustrated; this wasn't enough to get her attention?! Well he supposed it was still parlor tricks. He pulled his head off and began to do juggling tricks with it.

So it went, through the rest of the afternoon. Discord desperately trying to get a reaction, and Applejack concentrating on something else. Every time Discord messed with a tree Applejack would calmly tell him to fix it. Discord complied, having discovered if he didn't she just move to another tree. Eventually the sun began to set.

As she looked across the orchard Applejack felt a profound sense of satisfaction. She had finished at least an acre of trees that day, even with Discord. A smirk settled on her face as she turned to him.

"Fluttershy'll be back now, probably wanna tell ya about her trip with Tree hugger. So I guess you'll be leaving." Applejack said smugly.

Discord stared at her, was she…gloating? Did she consider this some kind of victory? The smug sound in her voice sent a thrill through him. It wasn't the thrill he got when Fluttershy praised him, or when he annoyed Twilight, this thrill felt… competitive. Discord was silent for a moment, then he began to laugh.

Applejack stared, had Discord lost it? Of Course, that was assuming he'd had it in the first place…

"Of course Applejack! I'll see you next time!" And with that Discord snapped his fingers and disappeared.

Applejack sighed, he was gone and she could enjoy the rest of her evening- wait… next time?!

Author's Note

It's about time I wrote an Applejack oneshot, she's one of my two favorite characters, the other one being Fluttershy. I feel like the ending is a bit rushed but other than that I'm reasonably pleased with how this came out. I need to write more often...