Order and Chaos

by Tatsurou

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Comedy, Crossover, Discord, Slice of Life, The Elder Scrolls, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 47467

Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness, raises Discord, the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony. You have been warned.

Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness. Ruler of the Shivering Isles. Crafter of dangerously unstable magical artifacts. Cheese aficionado. A lonely old man.

Discord, Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony. Once Ruler of Equestria. Master of unraveling reality. Maker of cotton candy clouds filled with chocolate rain. For some reason an infant.

Now read of this pair as Father and Son.

...abandon Logic, all ye who enter here.

Part of the PWNY-verse.
New cover image by ProfessorCatPro

Published 2016-11-06 23:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-08 08:45:48 UTC

The Power of Compromise

"Cheese!"

"Choca mik!"

"Cheese!"

"Choca mik!"

There were some aspects of parenting Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness, felt he was ideally suited for. He had the power to warp the very fabric of reality within his domain, conjuring anything his young child could possibly need or desire. He knew there could possibly be some unpleasant tasks as far as parenting, but he'd already assigned anything of that sort to Haskill. He also knew there would be emotional moments, and he looked forward to them with breath so baited he'd already caught three Wailords and a Gyarados with an Old Rod. He also knew there would be moments so sweet he would find himself buried in treacle, and headaches that would even make Jyggalag suffer from their intensity (he was looking forward to those, just to spite the grey stick in the mud).

What he had not anticipated was his ward having an equal power to manipulate the Isles, and being just as stubborn...or that this would kick in even with his very first meal.

"Cheese!"

"Choca mik!"

"Cheese!"

"Choca mik!"

Every time Sheogorath said 'cheese', he'd snap his fingers, shaping the nearest cloud into a massive block of cheese of one sort or another that would provide little Discord with more than enough energy for the entire time unit, whichever one the Isles were working off at the moment. Day, year, septi-second, eon...he never bothered keeping track, especially since the first moment Discord turned the sun and moon into yoyos to play with before flinging them back into the sky. Plainly, time had decided not to put up with it, as the heavenly orbs now only moved if Discord or Sheogorath decided they should.

"Cheese!"

"Choca mik!"

"Cheese!"

"Choca mik!"

Every time Discord demanded 'choca mik' - whatever that was, Sheogorath still hadn't managed to interpret his baby talk - the little chimera would snap his eagle talons, and the block of cheese in the sky would turn into a fluffy pink cloud that dripped brown liquid. Sheogorath didn't know much about brown liquids, but he was pretty sure they weren't appropriate baby food. In his experience, brown things were foul smelling and good only for pranking mortals that wandered into the Isles, and for that they were delightful! Still not the sort of thing one fed an infant, even if you were Sheogorath and the infant was a mixmatch that would make Hermaeus Mora weep at the nonsense of it all. ...Sheogorath made a mental note to introduce them just to collect the tears. They'd make an excellent beverage, with the taste of butt-hurt and despair.

"Cheese!"

"Choca mik!"

"Cheese!"

"Choca mik!"

Sheogorath had tried every type of cheese he could think of to get his child to accept it for his meal. Stilton, Pule, Epoisses, Casu Marzu, Camembert, Milbenkäse, Cheddar, Mozarella, Halloumi, Vieux Lille...they'd been at it for hours. But every time he provided a cheese - whether tame or exotic - Discord would insistently create the pink fluffy cloud again. Bits of the cloud burst off every time Sheogorath turned it back into cheese, and the pink balls of fluff rained down around them to settle lightly on the ground. Sheogorath managed to catch a bit and taste it, recognizing it as spun sugar and little else. He made a mental note to see what other food items could be spun in interesting ways to make clouds, then returned his focus to his child.

"Cheese!"

"Choca mik!"

"Cheese!"

"Choca mik!"

Sheogorath stomped his foot, waving his arms in the air as he made a desperate attempt to intimidate Discord into obedience. "Discord, I am your father and the Daedric Prince of Madness, ruler of this land! If I say cheese for dinner, then you will eat your cheese and you will like it, or so help me I will see to it you can eat nothing else!"

Discord, for his part, stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry crumble into Sheogorath's face. "Choca mik!" he insisted angrily, waving his mismatched arms over his head in a parody of Sheogorath's behavior, flapping his wings and stomping his feet insistently.

Finally pushed behind his endurance, Sheogorath sent a blast of power straight at the pink cloud directly above them. Discord, apparently thinking this was some sort of game, sent an equal blast of power up, distracting Sheogorath from his irritation into wonder that such a blast could come from a creature so young. Admittedly, his own blast had been casual, a barest fraction of his abilities, but for something to match a Daedric Prince even at that level so young-

His thoughts were once more derailed by a rumble in the air. The pink cloud began to swirl above them, darkening to a caramel brown as the fluffs swirled into a semi-liquid consistency. Red Hots lightning began to flash, striking the ground and leaving it spicy as peels of thunder littered the landscape, no sign of the fruit visible anywhere. The cloud then began to hail brown chunks of cheese that bounced off the pair as it paprikaed the ground like a French delicacy.

Discord blinked, picking up a bit of the hail and suckling on it. It melted in his mouth, and he squealed happily. "Choa chi!" he crowed...and ravened for good measure.

Picking up a piece himself, Sheogorath examined it. "A soft...chocolate cheese?" he asked curiously. "Wait...choca mik...chocolate milk? But why would you accept milk and not cheese?"

Discord opened his mouth wide, revealing the single snaggletooth Sheogorath had noticed before...and no other teeth in sight.

"Oh, you don't have teeth yet!" Sheogorath realized. "You can't chew! No wonder you didn't want hard cheeses. Well, as long as you're eating, I suppose this is a good compromise-" He froze, then thawed out slowly. "Compromise? I've never had to compromise before. ...I'm not entirely sure I like it."

Discord stretched a bit of the chocolate cheese into a stick, solidified it, dunked it in the caramel cloud, swirled it in the cotton candy puffs, and offered it to Sheogorath.

The Mad Prince smiled as he accepted the offering. "I suppose I should get used to it. If nothing else, things will be interesting. I wonder what you'll think about what everyone likes to wear."

Outside Looking In

Author's Note

At this suggestion by Kenshinryuu, I have decided to explore how Discord would relate to the other major Daedric Princes, as a way to get both more story and more world exploration. Looking over those he suggested (and reading their wiki), I picked the one I felt would be the most natural and positive initial interaction to set the stage for that.

Outside Looking In

Discord stared around at his surroundings in confusion. He had gone wandering around the edges of the Shivering Isles, home to himself and his Dad, and had stumbled across a bunch of doors that didn't actually exist. Always eager to discover something new, he hadn't hesitated to pop open one of the doors and duck through it. Unfortunately, as soon as he was through, the door vanished into total non-existence, leaving him with no way back. He wasn't too concerned, as he'd yet to encounter anything that actually hurt him, and was certain his Dad would come find him before he got in too much trouble...or possibly just after. Either way, fun.

His surroundings now discouraged him in that regard, however. He found himself wandering around a mountainous region covered in white ash. In the distance, he heard boisterous bellows alternating between rage and celebration, and the clash of steel. What made him more nervous was that none of the bellows sounded humanesque. While there weren't any true humans in the Shivering Isles, all the ones he'd seen in his high elevation explorations (Dad didn't want him meeting people freely until he was big enough to properly intimidate) were human in shape, and thus sounded humanesque in their range of noises. These sounded far more brutish.

Cresting a cliff, he found himself staring down at a scene of absolute chaos, completely washing away his unease. The creatures below were roughly humanoid in shape, but with much rougher grey skin with less refined features. The males appeared brutish, while the females appeared feral. All had teeth jutting up from their lower jaws over their upper lip, and all were fully armed and armored. They were in a constant flow of battling each other, drinking and feasting, and doing other things that Discord didn't fully understand but often wound up involving several males and females and resembled a different sort of fight. Some of those below were doing all these things simultaneously. While not the sort of thing Discord wanted to join in, it was certainly something he wanted a better look at. Coming out from behind the hill, he floated over the gathering for a better look.

Before he got far, he felt power seize him. He recognized the sensation as being similar to when his Dad's power gripped him, though this felt relatively weaker and focused very differently. He didn't know who had grabbed him, but his struggles showed him that - at least for now - they were much stronger than he. However, the power also seemed focused in such a way as to not hurt him, so he relaxed to see who was doing it...and how he could give them enough headaches to let him go.

The one that held him in their grip quickly became visible. He was another brutish figure like those below, at least visibly. In fact, he was visibly indistinguishable from those battling - and other things - in the valley save for a massive, bleeding wound in his chest that did not heal. However, Discord wasn't limited to visual identification, and plainly saw the aura of power that suffused his true being, the same aura that held Discord in its grip.

The creature stared at Discord for a time. "Hmm...you are not native to my sphere," he stated softly, his free hand clutching a steel sword as long as his body as the other balanced Discord in his power. "And you are not the sort of creature to take shape naturally in any land I am aware of. What sort of creature are you?"

"Dee Koh!" Discord proclaimed eagerly, wiggling his talons and claws to attempt to shape some chaos. A few butterflies appeared in the air over them, but they quickly dissolved. Discord pouted, not liking that he had so little power here, or in the grip of this one.

"Discord, hmm?" the creature mused. "I am Malacath. To where do you belong, little one?"

"Dada!" Discord declared, flicking himself in the chin and making his head do a flip in the air before landing back on his neck.

Malacath released his sword to stroke his chin thoughtfully. "I see..." he mused thoughtfully, his voice gravelly and echoing. "Plainly, you hail from one of the spheres. A creature such as you would either not last long or have drawn Daedric attention had you been amongst mortals. Tell me, what do you know of your Father's aspects?"

Discord thought for a time. He didn't know what an 'aspect' was, but he got the feeling this Malacath wanted him to describe his Dad. After a bit of internal debate, he figured out the one thing he could manage to say that he felt represented his Dad. "Cheese!"

Malacath groaned, rubbing his forehead. "Yes, you would be one of his, wouldn't you?" He sighed ruefully. "You call him Dad. Is he truly your father?"

Discord tilted his head, not understanding.

"Did he make you?" Malacath clarified.

"Nuh uh!" Discord proclaimed firmly. "He Dada!"

Malacath's eyebrow rose. "He...took you in?" At the nod from Discord, he frowned thoughtfully. "That seems...unlike him. But you do seem the sort that he would enjoy..." Shifting his sword to his back - where it stayed because he told it to - he lifted Discord into his arms. "Well, it would be best if you were returned to him. Assuming he remembers you, he is probably worried by now." Turning he walked off with the tiny chimera under his arm.

"But...but..." Discord yearned back to the gathering they were leaving. "Pah-tea! Pah-tea!"

Malacath blinked in surprise. "You...wish to join the revelry?" he asked, surprised.

Discord looked up at Malacath's size, then glanced at the size of the revelers, then at his own diminutive size before clambering up to Malacath's shoulder, clutching the sword hilt for balance. "Watch?" he asked hopefully. "Fun!"

"You feel no fear in the presence of the Orsimer?" Malacath asked in surprise. "Nor loathing?"

Discord blinked, processing the question. "Fee...ear? Low...thing?" He glanced around, then scooped up a rock, popped one of his ears off, and handed both to Malacath hopefully. "Now pah-tea?"

Malacath stared in amazement. "You who would be outcast and ostracized almost anywhere...you do not even understand the concept of fear and hate..." Taking the rock, he slipped it into a pouch at his waist, then reattached the ear to Discord's head. "I think I will speak more with Sheogorath after all, if only to keep this innocence of yours as long as possible."

"Dada! Dada!" Discord promptly forgot about the party at the mention of his Dad.

Sheogorath paced frantically across the entire Isles. "Where is he? Where is he? WHERE IS HE?" Structures collapsed and mountains sprang into existence from the power of his fretting, leaving even more madness in his wake than usual as plants burst into butterflies and insects bloomed before dropping fruit. Any other day, he'd have marveled at the sight of a fruit fly - a winged piece of fruit that spat juice and seeds to both defend itself and make more of itself - but all his focus was on his missing child.

"While it is surprising to see you carrying a single train of thought for so long, My Lord," Haskill offered diffidently, "it would perhaps be best if you calmed down somewhat. When we do recover the Young Lord, it would be best he had a home to return to, wouldn't it?"

"Do not tell me what to do, Haskill!" Sheogorath snapped, blasting the ground all around Haskill with a thought and leaving the poor chamberlain standing on a pillar in the center of a crater. "I am truly Mad right now, for my son has gone missing-" He paused as he felt a niggle at the edge of the realm. "What is that?"

Haskill quickly interpreted the message. "Lord Malacath desires entry, My Lord," he translated. Feeling another niggle, he smiled in relief. "It appears he has safely retrieved the Young Lord-"

Sheogorath immediately opened the gate between his realm and the Ashpit, allowing Malacath to materialize upon the Isles. At the sight of the creature clinging to Malacath's sword, he let out a whoop of joy and relief. "Discord, my son! There you are!" Rushing forward, he scooped the little creature into his arms, clinging to him tightly as the little chimera giggled happily. "Don't go wandering off again! I'll...I'll explode your head if you worry me like that again!"

Discord blew a raspberry at his father before sprouting a second head, which also blew a raspberry before exploding with a bang like a party popper.

Sheogorath laughed happily. "That's my boy!" His expression then shifted to deadly serious. "But seriously, no wandering off without at least leaving a note or something. Or no chocolate."

Discord's eyes went wide, and he whimpered sorrowfully.

"I mean it," Sheogorath insisted. "I was so worried about you I actually managed a coherent train of thought for a full hour! Don't do that to me again."

As Discord snuggled up to Sheogorath, Malacath smiled softly. "So you did take him in," he murmured softly. "That is...pleasing. He would be ostracized almost anywhere. Seeing him, I had thought only I would look past his appearance and welcome him-"

"I saw him first!" Sheogorath proclaimed petulantly, hugging Discord tighter. "Go get your own randomly appearing magical beast of reality rewriting! This one's my kid!"

Malacath laughed softly. "You might want to start escorting him around to the other realms," he suggested. "He seems determined to explore. He is welcome to visit the Ashpit. He seemed eager to see the 'party'."

"Pah-tea! Pah-tea!" Discord squealed happily, tugging on Sheogorath's tunic and gesturing at Malacath.

"What a marvelous idea!" Sheogorath agreed. "Malt Chocolate! You are welcome to our tea parties!"

Malacath's eyes narrowed. He didn't like the bastardization of his name, but it was Sheogorath. What could one do? Besides, the invitation from Discord was surely genuine. "I shall surely consider it."

Discord wriggled out of Sheogorath's embrace and floated over to Malacath. He looked at his mouth, then floated down to look in his wound. He shifted back and forth several times.

Realizing what he was attempting to inquire, Malacath rolled his eyes and decided to humor the child. Conjuring a mug of mead, he chugged it down, squirming internally as part of the drink spurted out the wound.

Discord and Sheogorath both burst into giggles and laughter, applauding the trick. Malacath blinked for a time...and smiled the first genuine smile he'd experienced since he took up the mantle of Daedra. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Life of the Party

Sheogorath followed Discord along as he once more set out to explore. It had quickly become apparent that keeping Discord contained was an exercise in futility, even for Sheogorath. Even if Sheogorath managed to contain Discord in a cage of pure mad thought - the only thing he'd discovered that Discord couldn't directly manipulate (yet) - the cage would weaken enough to let Discord free the moment Sheogorath's mind wandered...which was as soon as Discord stopped fighting cage or restraints. Once Discord had put that together, he would stop fighting the instant Sheogorath used pure mad thought, minimizing the time he was kept contained. As a result, Sheogorath now settled for following Discord wherever he went. Besides, watching Discord discover new things was fun, even if said things weren't new to Sheogorath. ...he made a mental note to take Discord to the mortal plane sometime, just to see what would happen.

Before too long, Discord reached the edge of the Isles and began swimming off into the air. Sheogorath decided to simply float after him, as opposed to walking on water or raising new land from beneath the waves...or transforming into a flying creature, or flying as a non-flying creature just to spite the laws of physics. Not only was it not a bad thing to spice things up every now and then, it meant he would have much more energy to keep Discord in check if he got out of hand.

Sheogorath did become a bit confused when Discord started tugging on something that wasn't there. "What have you got there, boy?" he asked as he approached, looking over Discord's shoulder.

"Door!" Discord proclaimed proudly. "Open!" he insisted angrily, tugging again.

Sheogorath frowned. After all, he saw no door. He lowered his hand to rest it on Discord's shoulder, then gasped in surprise. When he was touching Discord, he could see the doors that weren't really there, and realized what they were. "These are gates into the realms of the other Daedric Princes!" he proclaimed in surprise. "I knew the realms were connected, but I can just pop in and out at will with permission. How did you find these?"

Discord released the door he was tugging on and floated over to another. "Mall Chaca!" he proclaimed, opening the door to reveal the Ashpit.

Sheogorath crowed in delight as he clapped his hands together. "That's how you got to the Ashpit? Amazing! You have the ability to enter anyone's realms at will? That is astounding!"

"Oh my yes," another voice purred as a red-skinned face with black hair, beard, and horns stuck out the door that had refused Discord. "That is certainly interesting. I have so many ideas for how such an ability can be put to use." Silver armor-clad hands extended through after the head to rub together wickedly.

"Sanguine!" Sheogorath greeted warmly, grabbing the demonic looking Daedra and pulling him through into a warm embrace. "What brings you here, you crazy bugger?"

"I'd heard you'd found yourself a kid," Sanguine responded as he returned the embrace. "I came to take a look." Glancing down, he saw Discord giggling happily, only to dash for the door he'd just come out of. However, the door promptly slammed in Discord's face and refused him entry. "Sorry kiddo," Sanguine chided gently. "My realm is strictly adults only. Try again when you're grown up."

Discord pouted. "But...pah-tea!"

Sanguine chuckled softly as he idly brushed his silver armor with one hand. "We can have a party here, one a bit tamer than what I have going on in my realm." When Discord continued to pout, Sanguine relented. "Tell you what. I am the Prince of Debauchery. Do you know what that means?"

Discord shook his head in confusion. "Uh uh."

"Tell you what, when you can explain to me what Debauchery is in a complete sentence without using child talk or getting flustered, you can enter my realm freely," Sanguine allowed, chuckling at Discord's pout. "But in the meantime, I have an idea or two that might give you some fun."

"Fun?" Discord asked eagerly, a hint of wickedness in his voice.

Sheogorath grinned widely, eager to see what happened next.

Sheogorath, Sanguine, and Discord sat around a table, drinking tea while dressed in 'pretty princess' outfits because Discord insisted on it. As Sheogorath took a bite out of a biscuit - which turned out to taste like pizza and sauerkraut - Haskill spoke up. "My Lord, Mephala desires audience with you. Immediately."

Sheogorath rolled his eyes. "Fine, let her in for a few moments."

In a flash of darkness and cloud of smoke, a tall, four armed woman in black with web designs on her clothes appeared, glowering at Sheogorath. "You! Your creature did this, I know it!"

"I'm sorry, you're going to have to be more specific Mephala," Sheogorath responded bluntly. "My creatures do a lot of things."

"My webs have been reshaped to spell off color jokes!" Mephala snapped angrily. "My spider daedra have either been squashed or turned into wolves made of dead wood that whistle at me every time I go by! My throne has been cursed to make fart noises every time I sit on it!" Her anger only increased as Sanguine laughed openly. "And the remains of my squashed minions was used to spell out 'Dick Cheese wus hiir' in my bed chambers, with this as the implement!" She angrily slammed a green stained rock down on the table.

"I'm afraid I have no creature named 'Dick Cheese'," Sheogorath replied with aplomb. "Although I'm sure such a thing would make an excellent treat for Sanguine here."

"Sounds quite delicious," Sanguine agreed.

"I know it was this creature of yours!" Mephala snapped, pointing at Discord.

"Hardly," Sheogorath countered. "As you can see, he is a Unique, and there can't exist more than one of him at a time, and he's been here with us this whole time. However, we'll happily investigate this. For now, you're disturbing our tea party. Shoo."

"You haven't-" Mephala's angry rant was cut off as her permission to be in Sheogorath's realm was revoked.

Grinning, Sanguine snapped his fingers, and Discord slowly metamorphosed into a rock, while the rock unrolled into Discord. "Nice!" he praised, lifting a hand.

Giggling, Discord met the hand with his lion paw in a high five.

Daedra Season

The Borderlands forest was a region where the Shivering Isles interacted with other realms, where the energies of the Madhouse and other realms interacting caused unusual creatures to take shape that weren't actually under anyone's dominion. As such, it was one of the favorite hunting grounds of Hircine, the deer-skull-headed Daedra of the Hunt, since prey could be found there that appeared nowhere else. As such, he had unofficially claimed it as his own domain, where he honed his skills between Bloodmoons. As it wasn't official, he had no actual authority there - not that he wanted any to begin with - but none of the other Daedra felt the need to interfere, and so he was left to freely hunt.

This day, his prey was particularly unusual. He generally didn't decide his prey until after he'd found a creature, but as soon as he'd set foot in the forest this day, nearly every other tree spouted a stack of scrolls nailed to it, the one at the top reading 'Draconequus Season', and displaying a picture of a creature the likes of which Hircine had never imagined, let alone seen. While at first the mishmash had been off-putting, Hircine had eventually come to the conclusion that any creature that could survive in this forest looking like that long enough to get is own season for hunting must have impressive survival skills, making it a most intriguing prey.

Hircine himself carried very little with him. He wore only a loincloth in case he ran into Meridia, Azura, or Nocturnal. Had he encountered any of them without it, Meridia or Nocturnal would give him grief over his lack of modesty, while Azura would make him deliberately uncomfortable with advances and commentary until he fled in embarrassment while she laughed at him. He carried only a bow enchanted to generate its own arrows, having left his Spear behind to enjoy this hunt more. He'd even left his hounds behind, wanting to challenge himself solo against a creature, making it a truer hunt.

He followed the trail of mismatched tracks across soft grass, the side of trees, the undersides of low hanging clouds, and across the surface of water. He'd paused at the trail running across the surface of the lake, as the water had not reabsorbed the footprints left, revealing that this creature was obviously magical in some way, shape, or form...a magic it could probably use. Once Hircine got past the confusion of it using its powers to make its trail clearer like this, he became excited at the prospect of hunting something that could conceivably fight back at his level.

Eventually, he caught sight of the horn and antler, the top of the creature as it browsed through the forest, giggling at the sights of various creatures in all their shapes and sizes. As Hircine moved into position, the creature turned towards him, and he froze. He kept his hidden position as he stared into those strange yellow eyes. The creature then blew a raspberry at him and pulled a red bullseye out of the air, holding it over its chest.

Hircine felt himself smile. Apparently, this creature saw the hunt as a game, much as he did. He was not about to disappoint. Lifting the bow slowly, he pulled back the string as an arrow took shape, one with a bladed, barbed shaft to stick in the flesh to slow the creature down for a more exciting hunt.

Three fingers suddenly seized the arrow. "Hircine, a word if you will."

Hircine swallowed convulsively as he turned to the source of the voice. Sheogorath stared down at him, the ever-present smile missing from his face, reminding Hircine forcibly of the Mad Prince's true nature. Jyggalag had been the strongest of the Daedra, so strong that all other Daedric Princes had banded together to battle him to keep him in check, before applying the curse that had him living as Sheogorath. However, every so often even as the Mad Prince, a bit of Jyggalag slipped out, reminding those who witnessed it that - mad or not - Sheogorath was still technically the strongest of the Daedra. Hircine saw that now. "Sheogorath..." he managed to respond respectfully.

"Now, I know you are Prince of the Hunt," Sheogorath spoke up reasonably. "And I know my boy over there is plainly enjoying this game - he did set up all those flyers, after all, and I didn't even know he knew how to write - which is why I haven't interfered before now."

Hircine felt his bone face pale nearly to the point of crumbling to dust. His 'boy'? He was hunting Sheogorath's son? It wasn't common for Daedra of Prince rank to create - or take in - children to become wards and heirs, but it had happened on occasion through history...and the Princes always tended to be particularly protective of said wards during their formative years, as this one plainly was in. Hircine deeply regretted being a Daedric Prince at this moment: he had no one to pray to as far as getting out of this alive.

"If you wish to engage my boy in the Hunt Game, by all means do so," Sheogorath assured him. "I'll even watch and place bets with Sanguine, or maybe Azura. However, I suggest you keep it a Game, and not do anything that risked actually harming my boy." His white eyes glowed with an angry light. "If you were so reckless as to allow that to happen, I would be most...upset." He bared his teeth in an expression that was almost wolfish. "And then...well, I'd have to get creative in how I expressed that. And you wouldn't like me when I get creative."

Hircine nodded rapidly, focusing his power into the arrow to change the bladed and barbed head into something - anything - that would not be harmful. The metal warped to red fabric balled into a miniature fist.

Sheogorath released the arrow, grinning from ear to ear. "Oh, you can be creative too! Very nice!" He stepped back with a chuckle. "Well, this game should be interesting-"

The sound of tearing parchment drew their attention. Every stack of scrolls pinned to the trees had dropped the top scroll, revealing the one beneath it...which now read 'Daedra Season'.

Giggling like a loon, Sheogorath hiked up the skirts of his robes. "This is the part where we run away!" he proclaimed as he dashed off.

Confused, Hircine glanced towards the boy...caught sight of the weapon of metal, fire, and death it was wielding, and turned to follow Sheogorath's example.

Discord smirked as he equipped the proper garb. Donning a brown deerstalker cap and hunting jacket and carrying the shotgun in his mismatched hands, he stalked after his father and the deer-man with a cartoonishly long stride as he stuck to the ground. At one point, he paused and turned to his readers, putting a talon to his lips. "Shh!" he whispered playfully. "Be vewy vewy quieh! I hunnin...Daedwa!" With a playful giggle, he turned back to his hunt.

Friend Like Me

Given Discord's penchant for exploration, it wasn't long before he found his way to the door labeled Mundus. As he had yet to find a door that led to something he didn't enjoy, he went through without a second thought. As he entered, he noted that the door informed him it was the first of Morning Star. As he had no idea what that meant, he ignored it.

The first thing he noticed was that the level of ambient energy in the world around him had taken a steep drop as opposed to the other realms he'd been to. Matter felt much sturdier, and energy much more resilient. He began rubbing his mismatched hands together, eager for the challenge of reshaping this place at a whim. Before doing that, though, he decided to explore the world as it was. Perhaps he'd find something even more fun than that if he looked hard enough.

Much to his surprise, he found exactly what he was looking for...mortals! He instinctively recognized the difference between these beings and those he'd met so far, and instantly knew his superiority. Something deep inside told him that these creatures were but toys to play with to him, and that Daddy and the others like him saw these creatures in a similar light. However, he didn't want trouble at this point, so he decided to be careful not to break these toys...yet.

Well, at least not unless they asked for it.

Much to his surprise, such an event was not long in coming. As he flew over the land, he spotted a warrior doing battle with a giant crab. However, the warrior was hard pressed, as he apparently wasn't strong enough to deal with even this sort of creature. As Discord approached, the crab went for a killing strike, and the warrior prayed, "Oh anyone listening, let me survive this!"

Discord felt his talons tingling. This was a wish! Oh, he loved wishes, didn't he? Grinning widely, he snapped his talons.

The blow connected, and the crab - now in the human's body - died. The human warrior survived, as he wished...but if the frothing and terrified waving of his claws was any indication, he wasn't entirely happy with the outcome. Finding this hilarious, Discord swam on through the air to see what other wishes he could grant, and what chaos would come from those.

Before long, he found himself over a town. He wandered through the alleys for a time, looking for someone who wanted to wish for something. Eventually, he came across a mother having difficulty feeding her infant. "I wish I could make enough milk for you," she murmured softly and sadly, "but I can barely feed myself..."

Discord paused. His talons tingled, but he found he didn't want to pull something like what he did to the man and the crab. After all, would he want someone to grant a wish Daddy made about him that way? He rubbed his talon against his paw...and his paw began to tingle. Curious, he snapped the pads of his lion paw.

Before his and the mother's surprised eyes, her breasts began to expand and spray out copious amounts of milk. Not only was the baby getting plenty to drink, a few of the more well off men in the town started to gather in interest, licking their lips and jingling coin purses. The mother looked startled, confused, and pleased.

Discord smiled to himself. Not necessarily what she wanted, but gave her everything she needed, and left her in an awkward situation she could turn to her advantage if she tried. Feeling he'd done well, he went looking for somewhere else to grant wishes, hoping this next one wouldn't put him in a filly-soft-bike cannon-drum...or whatever Nocturnal called it when his conscience started acting up.

After a long while wandering, he eventually found himself in a much larger city. He chuckled wickedly as he began to explore, looking for an appropriate wish to grant. Eventually, he found the perfect one.

A wealthy man was glaring after a rather lovely woman who had apparently snubbed him. In a fit of pique, he grumbled under his breath, "I wish she were madly in love with me, so I could reject her for once! Let her see how that feels!"

The tingling in his eagle talon was practically making it vibrate. He eagerly put two tips together.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" a voice whispered in his ear.

His talons snapped as he let out a yelp, spinning to face the creature behind him. The feeling of power around it instantly told him this was a being like his Daddy. Despite appearing small, impish, and with a curling pair of horns - to all appearances, a childish man with a passion for animals - Discord knew to step carefully. "Uh...granting wishes?" he offered nervously.

"I noticed," the man replied dangerously. "But that's my thing. My domain. And on my day, for that matter. Not cool. So...why are you stepping on my territory, stranger?"

"It's...fun?" Discord offered worriedly.

"Indeed it is," the stranger replied, his voice turning harsh. "But I'm not so sure I want to share-" He paused, turning towards the scene below them as he heard shouting.

The wealthy man whose wish Discord had been in the midst of granting was screaming in terror, a woman he'd mildly flirted with while buying groceries had dropped dead, choking for air until her face turned black and she toppled onto him. A ways away from the scene, the woman the man had wished about lowered her hand, the sparkle of magic fading from her fingertips as her face curved into an unsettling smile. Clutched in her other hand was an apple core, some hair, and nail clippings that magical viewing revealed came from the screaming wealthy man.

The impish man's lower jaw fell, then slowly rose into an absolutely wicked grin. "He wished for a sorceress to love him, and you turned her yandere?" He cackled in pleasure, rubbing his hands together. "Boy, I like your style! But you're a little too obvious in how you do this. Perhaps you need a bit of tutoring? Yes, that's what you need." He turned to him. "What's your name?"

"Discord," Discord identified himself instantly, holding out his lion paw. "What's yours?"

The impish man blinked for a time, then chuckled, accepting the handshake. "Clavicus Vile."

Discord gasped happily. "Daddy talks all about you! He said you'd like me too!"

"Really?" Clavicus asked curiously, leaning back in thin air with a smirk. "Who is your Daddy? What does he do?"

Discord blinked. He didn't actually know the name others called his Daddy. He wasn't good with big words yet. "Uh...Daddy is Daddy?" he offered nervously. He tried to think how he could explain what his Daddy did...only to realize he didn't actually know yet. "Uh..." Unsure what else to offer, he decided to offer something his Dad had said recently. "...cheese for everyone?"

Clavicus' eyes popped in surprise, and the grin became much more friendly. "Oh, you're Sheo's boy! I'd heard about you, but hadn't gotten a chance to swing by the Isles to meet you. Oh, we're going to have so much fun together!"

Discord grinned widely. "I like fun. You teach me wishes?"

Clavicus chuckled softly. "I'm on the job."

"You big nabob!" Discord added, grinning even if he didn't know where the words came from.

Grinning along with him, Clavicus joined Discord for the next few words as they turned their eyes to the city. "You ain't never had a friend like me."

Celebrate

Sheogorath grinned widely as streamers hung from every corner of the Shivering Isles. Poppers went off, scattering contents that were far too big for the poppers prior to popping. Brightly colored banners flew from every pole and balustrade, and the Golden Saints and Dark Seducers marched from Mania to Dimentia in festive garb whilst playing joyous songs on bagpipes.

Oh, and it was Discord's birthday party in Sheogorath's castle, but that was something completely different. That was the reason the entire palace was made of cake today. Cheesecake, of course. (Sanguine had already gotten slapped by Meridia, Azura, and Nocturnal for suggesting - in front of Discord - a change in their attire to provide more cheesecake...though Azura had said she would have considered talking the others around had he not asked in front of Discord.)

Haskill had set the table for nine. Normally, Sheogorath would sit at the head of the table, but as they were celebrating Discord's use of complete sentences as his birthday, that was Discord's seat for the party. Sheogorath sat to his right, with Nocturnal seated to the left. Nocturnal and Meridia had argued hotly over which of them should get that seat (Meridia claimed that as the Prince of Life, she was the natural Mother, while Nocturnal claimed that Meridia did nothing but spoil Discord and was thus the grandmother) until Clavicus had flipped a coin and Nocturnal had won. Meridia sat on Nocturnal's other side at the long table, across from Malacath who had taken that seat and then pugnaciously glared around as if daring anyone to try and take it from him, much to Discord's amusement. Azura sat on Meridia's other side, across from Sanguine, with Hircine and Clavicus Vile taking the other end of the table, Clavicus nest to Sanguine and Hircine next to Azura.

Haskill had set out everything for the party, though at the insistence of Clavicus Vile, presents were to be given before the birthday cake was presented. As such, Discord was handed the first wrapped box from Sheogorath, and quickly tore it open, revealing a grey cane with a three-faced hollow top.

"The Wabbajack," Sheogorath told Discord happily. "I figure you can find a way to make it even more random! Have fun!"

Giggling happily, Discord accepted Meridia's gift, opening a smaller box for a curiously shaped ring. When he slipped it onto one eagle talon, he vanished, much to his pleasure.

"The Ring of Khajit," Meridia explained. "Grants invisibility and a speed boost." Of course, since I can sense the ring at all times, it means at least one of us will be able to keep track of your wanderings, she added to herself silently, getting nods from the other Princes.

Azura smiled as she handed over what looked like a carved wooden sun relief. "My star," she explained softly. "I figured everyone would be giving you magical items. You can use this to store charges of magic, to recharge them or get a second wind if you need it."

Malacath's gift proved to be a small dagger that glowed until Discord picked it up. "I made this specially for you. I call it...Sting."

Discord grinned as he held it up. "Sting!" he proclaimed happily, only to gasp as it floated out of his hand. Focusing, he watched as it jabbed, thrust, and slashed as he willed.

"It can move independently of you, drains life from those it strikes, leaves behind toxin to further weaken them, and is extra effective on those with innate magic," Malacath explained. "Big things in a small package, like you."

Nocturnal rolled her eyes. "A weapon for a child. Really?" Her voice, as ever, remained monotone.

"I like weapons," Malacath offered defensively. "Besides, he likes it."

Shaking her head, Nocturnal handed over a small device with several metal prongs. "Since you're so insistent on exploring, this Skeleton Key will let you open locks...as opposed to melting them off. After all, the lock might be important."

"At least I'm not the only one who had difficulty finding appropriate wrapping paper," Sanguine spoke up in relief as he handed over a wand with a tiny blue flower at one end. "This Starlet will summon a Daedra servant of one of ours to assist you, chosen based on the need you have at the moment."

Hircine, of all Princes, had the most practical gift. "This tunic is Savior's Hide," he explained, helping Discord into the furry garb. "Somebody had to get you clothes, but at least these will be functional and keep you safe...not to mention grow with you as you grow into them."

All eyes turned to Clavicus Vile, who looked back innocently. "What?" he asked playfully.

"Didn't you bring a gift for my boy?" Sheogorath asked intently.

"Of course I did!" Clavicus insisted, reaching behind his back and pulling out a cake with a single lit candle on it. "Ta-dah!"

Discord stared at the cake for a time. "...someone gonna jump out of it?" he asked hopefully.

"No," Clavicus corrected. "Nothing like that."

"...explode?"

"Only if you want it to."

Discord scratched his chin as he glanced between Clavicus and the cake. He then pointed to the candle. "Self relighting?"

"Do I look like Sanguine to you?" Clavicus asked with a laugh.

Discord snapped his talons, causing Sanguine to be dressed in Clavicus loose clothes while Clavicus found himself in silver armor. "Yes."

The entire table burst into laughter as the pair swapped back. "It's nothing like that," Clavicus stated finally. "It's my gift to you. Just make a wish-"

"Not with you here, Clavy!" Discord teased, causing more laughter.

Clavicus shook his head ruefully. "This is my gift, Discord. A wish in the spirit of what you wish for, giving you what you truly want." As Discord opened his mouth, Clavicus held up a finger. "Speak it only in your mind, blow out the candle, and never tell anyone. I promise, if it is within my power as a Daedric Prince, I shall grant it."

Discord frowned thoughtfully, glancing around the table. Eventually, his eyes fell on Sheogorath. He'd seen a few things around the Shivering Isles that had been...upsetting. A strange obelisk had appeared, and had at first intrigued Discord until he got close enough for its energy to touch him. When he'd shown it to Sheogorath...the Mad Prince had gone pale, and obliterated the obelisk with raw power and fury. As he'd turned away, he'd been mumbling, "No...not yet, damn you. Not yet, you grey bastard!" In that moment, Sheogorath...hadn't looked like Sheogorath. Discord didn't want that to ever happen again.

A lightbulb appeared over his head, greatly confusing the Daedra who had never seen one before. He focused on his wish as he blew out the candle.

I wish my Daddy would always be my Daddy.

Clavicus Vile staggered back as though he had been struck. He looked pale and wan, almost sickly. "E...excuse me a few moments, everyone. I...need some air." Before anyone could say anything, he shifted himself out of the castle.

Thinking deeply, Clavicus paced back and forth. His Daddy always his Daddy...how can I even do that? It's beyond anyone's power to keep Jyggalag contained indefinitely. The cycle of the Greymarch is meant to force Jyggalag to expend his power cleansing the Isles, allowing the curse to retake him...and the clean slate of the Isles affects Sheogorath, so the Sheogorath of the next era...won't be the same as this one. He'll have the memories...but not the emotional connection to them. And the Greymarch is not far off...how can I possibly grant this wish?

He brought his hands to his head, rubbing the base of his horns. But I promised Discord a wish...oh Jyggalag, why do you have to be so implacable? You couldn't have made this easy... His eyes lit up as an idea struck him. Wait...that's it! Even if Sheogorath starts anew each era, Jyggalag remains! I might not be able to let Discord keep this Sheogorath as his father forever...but if Jyggalag bonded to him...

He rubbed his hands together as he went over exactly what he was about to do. This could undo the curse entirely if I'm not careful. It took all our power combined to contain Jyggalag initially. I'm gambling on Love, the one power no Prince reigns over. Is Sheogorath's love for Discord strong enough to keep the curse in check if I do this...and will Discord's love for his father be strong enough to melt the metal heart of the Prince of Order? ...well, I always did like to gamble, and the stakes have never been higher.

Lifting his hands, he reached out and touched the Curse of Madness...and withdrew his power from it. Only 12 of 13 left now...it needs 13 to be stable. Discord, until the Greymarch, can you walk as our equal? Can you be that 13th point and reach past Order?

"Whatcha doing?" Discord asked curiously, floating over Clavicus' head.

Clavicus smiled up at Discord. "Either saving or dooming us all...but just maybe granting your wish."

A huge grin crossed Discord's face, and he wrapped his entire body around Clavicus Vile's neck in a hug. "Thank you, Uncle Clavy!"

"Oh come on!" Sanguine yelled from the doorway. "How come he's Uncle before me? I met you first!"

Poisoning Pigeons in the Park

Sheogorath frowned to himself as he once more went looking for his wayward son. One thing that somehow irritated him was that - despite how chaotic Discord was - his arrival had given Sheogorath the closest thing to a routine as he'd had in eras. Each day-equivalent, he would awaken and see that Discord wasn't where he was supposed to be. A quick thought message to the Daedra who'd befriended would tell Sheogorath that Discord was either visiting friends or not. If he was, he would trek out to make sure Discord was getting enough energy to grow well and give him a lecture on irresponsibility that either made whatever Prince Discord was visiting laugh if it stuck to the point, or would make Discord laugh if it wandered. If he wasn't visiting friends, Sheogorath would then be left scouring the Isles or the other realms for any sign of him...only to find him nine times out of ten under the Throne of Madness after endless searches, giggling like a loon. The tenth time Discord actually would be where he was supposed to be, but experimenting with the Ring of Khajit after convincing Meridia to not let on about his location to prank Sheogorath. Once all this was done, it was feeding, talking about what he did, doing crazy things together until Discord collapsed in exhaustion, tucking him in, and casting a powerful silence on the whole Isles so nothing would disturb his sleep.

Sheogorath absolutely detested the fact he had a routine now...and yet deep inside, he also found the routine - and his own frustration with it - wonderfully entertaining, making him love his son all the more. Whenever he found that thought in his head, he would send curses Jyggalag's way for 'corrupting him early', before continuing with the routine.

Today, however, he'd felt Discord within the Shivering Isles...specifically because he felt a Prince there that he didn't recall extending an official invitation to visit to but wasn't an invader. He found it entertainingly disturbing that Discord apparently had enough metaphysical authority within the Isles already to extend his own invitations. It made him wonder if perhaps he should have given Discord a different staff artifact for his birthday...

He quickly dashed those thoughts from his mind. He'd made a decision about that. He only hoped he'd have time to find the right one when the time was right, and that the other Princes Discord had befriended could keep him far away. There were only two options, after all. For all his power, neither Jyggalag nor Sheogorath could make a third one, even if they did somehow work together.

Eventually, he found Discord tinkering away with some oddly bright blue flowers alongside a wyrm his size. Sheogorath immediately recognized the Daedra. "Peryite? Didn't expect to see you here. What brings you?"

"Failing to give this guy even as much as a sniffle," Peryite grumbled irritably. "Seriously, he came traipsing into my Pits like he owned the place and brushed every plague I sent his way off like he wasn't even biological!"

"I'm not," Discord pointed out teasingly. "I'm materialized magic."

"Well I know that now," Peryite grumbled ruefully, only for Discord to blow him a boysenberry. Peryite rubbed his head as he tossed the fruit away. "After that, he showed interest in some of my work...and he had an idea that was truly fiendish, and we're trying to get it to work."

"Gotta be very careful with it," Discord observed as he opened the blue flower up and lifted tweezers and a soldering iron up to work with. "Don't want it strong enough that people try to exterminate it, but not so weak that immunity is possible."

"Careful tweaking there," Peryite whispered. "That's the reproductive code. Mess with it too much and it either won't reproduce or will push out all other plant life. Not only would that mean eventual adaption as creatures learn to feed on it, but it won't be nearly as much fun if everything is affected."

"Got it," Discord mumbled in response as he made a few very slight adjustments.

"Well, it's good to see you getting to know the other Princes," Sheogorath offered softly as he knelt to watch. He could feel the potential for humorous chaos within the bloom, and was curious as to what would come of it. He glanced disparagingly towards Peryite. "But...him? Really?"

"Be nice, Daddy," Discord pouted as Peryite sighed. "He's my friend. Besides, the others are all plotheads."

"I feel I should either find that hilarious or chide you for language, for some reason," Sheogorath observed. "And while I can agree with most..."

"Boethiah's not so bad, I guess," Discord grumbled as he worked. "But he's deceit. How can I trust anything he says? I mean, I can lie with the best of them - he doesn't like I can match him there, by the way - but I can't even count on him to be lying!"

"Understandable, I suppose," Sheogorath allowed. "But what about Vaermina? You seemed to wrap the girls around your talon rather easily-"

"She's terrified of me for some reason," Discord growled. "Runs the minute she lays eyes on me. And Namira and Meridia hate each other with a passion, so Namira hates me because Meridia likes me." He chuckled darkly. "I fixed her though. Form-locked her with cursed itchy-panties that only Meridia could take off her...and told her so to her face!"

Sheogorath and Peryite burst into laughter. "Bravo son! Bravo!" Sheogorath proclaimed as he clapped.

"That's one I can get behind!" Peryite agreed, holding out one claw for a low-four.

Discord set his tools floating to meet the gesture, then got back to work. "As for the other three...maybe asking Uncle Saggy to introduce me wasn't the best idea if I wanted to be friends...not that I really wanted to be. They're dumb-dumbs."

"Uncle Saggy-" Sheogorath began, only to facepalm. "By Anu and Padomay, you thought Sanguine was a good idea to have introduce you to Hermaeus Mora and Molag Bal?"

"And Mehrunes Dagon," Discord added. "He didn't like that I could warp Mundus so easily. Claims it should be his realm, not mine. I stuck him in an indestructible tutu. Uncle Saggy pulled us out really fast."

"I can imagine why," Sheogorath mumbled softly. "Dagon has quite the temper."

"Ah, that's nothing compared to Hermaeus Mora's temper tantrum when I randomized his library and stole his card catalogue," Discord pointed out. "The faces he made were priceless!"

"Sucks to be him!" Peryite insisted grumpily. "He keeps treating me like an errand boy or something. I don't care if I'm the weakest Prince, I'm still a Prince..."

"And how did things go with Molag Bal?" Sheogorath asked nervously.

"Said he was uncreative as far as the souls he was tormenting," Discord grumbled irritably. "Made a bet for my soul against all the souls he had in his realm that I could come up with a torment that would make the worst of his worst break faster than he could. He hates me now because I won the bet."

Sheogorath blinked, stunned. "What sort of torment did you come up with?"

"Immortality, Immobility, and Insomnia," Discord offered easily. "The guy was crying and begging to go back to the rack within an hour when he realized that was all he'd have for all eternity."

Sheogorath shuddered. "You cruel, wicked lad!" he praised fearfully. "What did you do with all the souls?"

"I'm thinking I'll make my own chaos creatures," Discord mumbled softly. "I don't really get along with the Golden Saints, and spending time with the Dark Seducers makes me feel funny. I was thinking wolves made of wood that would reassemble themselves. ...timberwolves, I like the sound of that. Figure I'll let them loose somewhere in reality till I need them. Akatosh said he knew a good place-"

"You met Akatosh?" Sheogorath gasped in surprise.

"Last time I was in Mundus," Discord waved it off offhandedly. "He was wondering why a 'Daedra' was wandering around that realm on multiple days. Said I wasn't quite a Daedra, and that I'd be a 'wonderful headache'. I get the feeling he likes me despite himself."

"I'm going to need to think about all this," Sheogorath grumbled as he sat on the ground. "How about this plant you're making? What is it?"

"It's based off Poison Oak," Peryite explained. "But...hey, Discord! Why not demonstrate on your Dad?"

"Wait, what-"

Discord promptly sprayed pollen from the flower into Sheogorath's face...transforming him into a pale-skinned human woman in a green and black body suit with a pale green tint to her skin, green eyes, long black hair, and green-and-black energy surrounding her hands. She also seemed surrounded by an odd red tint.

The Prince stared down at himself. "I feel like there's a joke I'm not getting, but for some reason I'm too angry to care."

Discord promptly pulled out four coconut halves, handing two to Peryite. "We'll need these."

Author's Note

Sorry for cramming so many things into this chapter...but I just couldn't come up with a way to make a whole chapter out of most of these encounters, and was having a massive case of writer's block just trying to write this one.

In Footsteps

As Discord slowly grew older, the things Sheogorath had him do changed. Being older and more expressive meant less freedom to do whatever he wanted, but in exchange it brought new areas for fun he'd never even considered. Sheogorath had taken to sending Discord on 'quests' throughout the Isles and beyond. This could involve anything from fetching an item to trapping or destroying specific types of animals, and even mediating between the Golden Saints and Dark Seducers when they clashed (which they did frequently). Discord still didn't like the Golden Saints' uptight attitude, and the Dark Seducers still left him feeling odd...but he found himself drifting towards Dementia more and more when he had free time in the Isles. For some reason, this mightily amused Sheogorath and Sanguine.

One thing that Discord found surprising was that there were a great many more lessons now. Before he'd begun to talk, Sheogorath had let him more or less run free both physically and magically. Now, he was being taught how magic worked in the various realms of Aurbis, Anu and Padomy, Anui-el and Sithis, Daedra and Aedra, and how his own magic - not of any of these things - worked with and influenced each of these things. It was a lot for him to take in, but he struggled to do so since Sheogorath was rather insistent he understand these things. Admittedly, the knowledge seemed to make his magic stronger and let him wield more of his power in Realms other than the Shivering Isles and Mundus...but it hurt his head to keep all that knowledge. He didn't want to have to think. He just wanted to live and have fun. Was that so wrong?

Any time he voiced a complaint along these lines, Sheogorath would back off, letting him take a break from lessons and just enjoy himself. But each time he did...a look of worry crossed the Mad Prince's face, dashed away by whatever mad gallivant they got up to next. That look of worry always scared Discord...as it was the same look Sheogorath had when he'd obliterated that first obelisk he'd discovered in the Isles. It was why Discord hadn't told him about the two other obelisks he'd discovered since.

As a result, he kept his complaints to himself. Every so often, he did vent to one of the other Daedra who were his friends, but they never seemed to know what to say. Clavicus Vile always seemed to get especially somber when he vented to him, so Discord now did the only thing he could do. Leaving a note for his Dad that he was off to clear his head, he made his way into Mundus.

He swam through the air slowly, struggling to both think and not think at the same time as he went looking for something, anything, to help him bring his mind into focus. He wanted to help his Dad. He wanted him to be proud of him. He wanted him to stay his Dad. But the grey man...

Discord shuddered slightly. One thing he hadn't told anyone was that an obelisk had appeared right next to him as he'd been taking a nap in the Isles, and he'd experienced a nightmare of a grey man clad in metal reaching for him. He hadn't told anyone about that nightmare, but he'd had it every so often since. What was strange was that it wasn't the grey man himself that made the nightmare frightening, or even that it was reaching for him. It was the sense of echoing loneliness and implacable deadness within the grey man that filled Discord with dread, as though the very existence of the grey man and his nature erased the very concept of hope.

"Well, what a strange creature to find in Ghostgate."

Discord let out a yelp as he pulled himself from his thoughts, finding himself in a tall tower in front of a white-haired human with ancient eyes. The human was garbed in simple black armor, and seemed rather unassuming to normal senses. "Sorry, wasn't watching where I was..." Discord's voice trailed off as his other senses kicked in. He couldn't see an aura of power like he could with the Daedra, or the inherent link to the energies of the world as he had with Akatosh. In fact, he could sense...nothing. Everything about this individual just screamed 'perfectly ordinary human'...but something much deeper inside Discord's soul screamed all the louder that this being was anything but mortal.

The human chuckled softly. "Well now, you're much more perceptive than anyone I've met like this before. However, I think I'll keep things like this. If I didn't, things would get...complicated." He took a seat, silently inviting Discord to join him. "Besides, you're looking for a solution to a problem you barely understand, and old men are much easier to accept advice from, wouldn't you say? We've, how you say, seen it all?"

Discord floated over to eye level with the man. "Who...are you?" he asked carefully.

"You can call me Wulf, Discord," the man responded readily. "And you're scared for yourself, your father, and the future?"

Discord nodded. Akatosh had known more than expected, and the Daedra frequently had extra information than what they should. This being, whoever he was, was likely greater than Aedra or Daedra - probably something he hadn't learned about yet - so it wasn't unreasonable that he'd know a lot more. "Yeah...the grey man..."

Wulf gently stroked Discord's short white hair, rubbing his head between horn and antler. "You are a strange being. You have a cruel mind, a good heart, impish mischief...and so much love it scares you, because of how easily losing it could destroy you. When you appeared in the Isles, you felt safe because all around you could not be lost...except now you know the one most important to you could be."

"Can't I...fix it?" Discord asked worriedly. "I...I don't want to lose him..."

"I don't think he wants you to fix it," Wulf offered compassionately. "He is your father. It is in the nature of good fathers to protect their children from that which they don't want them to have to face." He looked Discord right in the eyes. "Would you like that advice now?"

Discord nodded eagerly. "Yes, I would."

"Time is not yet as short as either of you believe," Wulf explained. "For now, enjoy life, and your time together. You will have a chance to grow up before you have to grow up." He paused, glancing back and forth before leaning in to whisper. "It isn't my business, and Akatosh would be unhappy if he knew, but I've made sure of it." Grinning conspiratorially - an expression Discord quickly mirrored - Wulf sat back. "My second bit of advice is something I know from experience, the very experience that allows me to be here to pass it on to you. If you are daring, and willing to risk all for that which is most important to you, and above all stay determined...there is always another solution, if you're willing to face it."

Discord blinked in surprise. Somehow, the words - as cryptic and non-specific as they were - had relaxed many of his worries. "T-thanks Mr. Wulf," he offered warmly. "I don't know why...but I feel much better now."

Smiling, Wulf held out a golden coin. "This is my lucky coin, Discord," he offered warmly. "It has brought me luck, and to everyone I have ever loaned it out to. I think you need it more than anyone else now." He gently laid the coin in Discord's lion paw. "And one last piece of advice. Don't fear the tower."

Discord's gaze turned to the coin as he turned it over, feeling the luck magic inside it. He then blinked at those last words. "What do you-" When he looked up, Wulf was gone as though he had never been there. There weren't even boot or butt imprints in the dust of the tower. Discord grinned widely. "Oh, he's good."

Now feeling orders of magnitude better, he flowed away.

Elsewhere in reality, a pointy-eared being stood beside Wulf. "I bet he won't figure it out."

"1000 souls says he succeeds," Wulf responded readily.

"Make it 2000 he fails," the pointy-eared man responded. "This will surely be entertaining."

Wulf chuckled softly, slowly appearing younger and more full of fire. "You're on, Vivec."

Hard Party

Discord smiled to himself as he flowed along the seas surrounding the Shivering Isles, taking in his reflection. He'd grown quite a bit over the years, to the point he was now easily as long as his father was tall at full stretch. His horn and antler had come fully in, though his antler only had two points so far. His frequent excursions and magical exercise had given him a sleek, well muscled physique. As mismatched abominations of nature that never should have existed, he was quite handsome if he did say so himself...especially now that his face had lost the baby fat and he was getting just the fringe of a white beard. He was sure one day it would grow into a full fledged goatee that gave him the perfect "I'm evil!" look, but for now he was happy with the small tuft that gave him the "I'm suave" look, according to the Dark Seducers.

Thinking of the denizens of Dementia, Discord had come to understand why he was drawn more and more to them as his increased physical and emotional maturity had led to the women amongst them making certain offers...offers he surprised himself by refusing. It had surprised them as well, but he hadn't been able to put into words then why he'd refused them. As such, he was now off to talk to the one person he was certain would be able to explain it, or at least allow him to explain it to himself.

Reaching the door that still did not open of its own accord to him, he lifted his eagle talon and knocked. He was soon greeted by a familiar red face. "Hey, Uncle Saggy!"

Sanguine grinned widely. "Hello, Discord. What brings you to knock on my door?"

"I was hoping I could come in finally," Discord explained. "I need to wrap my head around a few things, and I figured your place would be the best place to do so."

Sanguine chuckled softly. "I'm not sure why you think my Realm would be conducive to clear thought..." He paused as a thought struck him. "Then again, one of my Pleasure Pockets might work...still, what I said before stands. Do you know what Debauchery is?"

Discord nodded eagerly. "I do now!" he stated firmly.

Sanguine crossed his arms with a grin. "Alright. Tell me without blushing."

Smirking, Discord snapped his eagle talon, conjuring an image from elsewhere in the Isles. "It's what the Dark Seducers have been driving the Golden Saints crazy with ever since I modded their armor."

Sanguine burst into peals of laughter. "Very clever, young chaos bringer. Come, enter my Realms at will now. I believe I know just the one to take you to for your contemplation." Resting a hand on Discord's shoulder, he guided him through the door.

Discord soon found himself walking down a moonlit path through a dense forest, babbling brooks adding gentle background sound to the scene, as well as gentle mist that rolled amongst the trees. Not far along, a clearing appeared where a long table was laid out, filled with food. "What's this?" Discord asked curiously. "It...doesn't look like anything I'd expected of your Realm."

"Rather than a single Realm, I have several Pleasure Pockets, one for each aspect of Debauchery I represent," Sanguine explained. "This is the Misty Grove, which I use for indulging in gluttony and sloth. Good food and drink in ample quantities, relaxing environment, no rush on anything...I figured this would be the perfect place for you to think and talk." He took a seat at the head of the table.

Smiling, Discord floated into a seat next to him, quickly digging into the repast. "Delicious!" he praised.

"Of course it is," Sanguine allowed as he took a drink. "Who would be gluttonous over food that was sub-par? The culture that would allow such a thing to happen truly has lost its way."

For no apparent reason, Discord coughed out a bald eagle carrying a pair of golden arches. "Imagine that," he agreed innocently.

"Now, whatever gave you the idea for such an interesting...mod, was it?" Sanguine asked curiously. "I must say, I like the taste. Opens opportunities for...all sorts of mischief."

Discord's eating slowed. "Actually, that's...kind of what led to my present...Nocturnal calls it a filly-soft-ice-"

"You know the words, Discord," Sanguine chided. "If you want me to take the issue seriously, you should do the same."

Discord sighed. "Fine," he snapped petulantly. "Ever since I started maturing out of childhood, I've been having weird feelings about the Dark Seducers. When I reached this stage, I figured out what they were when one of them offered to 'make a man out of me'. Didn't take me long to see everything in a new light."

Sanguine chuckled knowingly. "So, how are those dark ladies in bed? I've long had suspicion, but they don't give me the time of day unless Sheogorath is involved and-"

"I wouldn't know, since I said no," Discord mumbled softly, taking a drink from his own mug.

Sanguine blinked. Several times. "I'm sorry, I thought you understood debauchery?"

"Oh I get what debauchery is," Discord countered. "But..." He sighed. "Well, the Golden Saints, the Dark Seducers...Dad made all of them. They exist because he wants them to. If they upset him, they vanish. To a certain extent, their relationship to me is the same. They don't have a choice in the matter, not really. That offer wasn't so much telling me she wanted to as reminding me I could demand it whenever I wanted...and I felt sick at the very idea. I mean, I'm all for being indiscriminate if that's what you - or I - want to go for...but..." He groped for words.

Sanguine reigned over the darkest aspects of the human psyche, aspects that were common to the psyches of nearly any other type of creature that could think. Not only did that mean he was intimately acquainted with that darkness and what could drive a creature to it, he also could recognize the mores that would prevent a creature from embracing them. Normally, they were what he worked against to lead mortals to his path...but for his nephew, he knew he should only identify it. "It would feel like you were taking advantage of them," he explained.

"Yeah..." Discord confirmed. "That's it. That's the words. I...I don't want to take. I...I want it to be given." He slumped back in his chair. "I feel so...I don't know what I feel! What kind of child of Madness am I that I'm like this?"

"The good kind," a soft, feminine voice spoke from the trees.

Discord nearly leapt to an overhanging branch as Sanguine turned to the figure that entered. "Oh, Vaermina. I forgot you'd scheduled the Grove for the day. If you like, we can take our discussion elsewhere."

"That won't be necessary," Vaermina countered softly, stepping into the grove as her brown robes swished around her. Her pale face glowed in the moonlight as she walked up, her golden eyes soft. "That is, if I may join you?"

After a glance at Discord, Sanguine beckoned her forward. Much to both their surprise, she sat down next to Discord on the long side of the table. "Uh...forgive my confusion," Discord spoke up dubiously, "but...last I checked, you ran from me in fear at the sight of me."

"I apologize for that," Vaermina allowed. "I reign over Dreams and Nightmares...and at times I encounter some prophetic ones. I saw some visions of what you would one day be capable of, and what you would bring to Aurbis...and it terrified me. Seeing how so many of the Daedric Princes were falling under your sway made it even more terrifying. I...acted foolishly."

"Quite alright," Discord responded consolingly. "I am rather terrifying, if I do say so myself. But what changed your mind?"

"My visions implied that, somehow, you would one day be able to alter even the Princes on whim and thought," Vaermina explained. "Patently absurd...but terrifying, especially when I knew nothing of your motivations." She smiled softly. "But now I have heard all I need to know of your motivations...and far from being terrifying, those visions became...beautiful. Visions I want to come to pass."

Sanguine chuckled. "So what was it he said that put you under his sway like the rest of us?"

" 'I don't want to take'," Vaermina quoted. " 'I want it to be given'." She turned to Discord with a warm smile. "For all the power you might have, and how much you enjoy toying with anyone on a lower level than you - which may one day include all of us, if my vision is true - those two sentences show just how much...you care." She slowly reached a hand up to Discord's cheek. "And...if you will allow, I'd like to give you something."

Discord knew his physiology - if it could be called that - was pure manifested magic and chaos energy. He had no blood, no physical heart, no glands. Even knowing this, he found his pulse turning rapid, his cheeks flushing, and his lion paw pads breaking into a sudden nervous sweat at the touch of the Lady of Dreams and Nightmares. "O-o-okay," he stammered out softly.

Smiling, Vaermina leaned in and gently pressed her lips against his.

Mortals spoke of a true kiss as the first step of how two living being might come close to becoming one, and that in a kiss one revealed one's true self. For mortals, this was mere poetry. For Daedra and other beings of that sort, it was much more factual as Discord was discovering. As lips touched, their auras connected, and he found Vaermina's very soul laid bare to him, showing him everything she was beyond any and all changes she might ever make to herself. He saw everything she ever was before, everything she was in the moment, and everything she might yet be. Inside, he knew that she was seeing the same in him...and he found himself enthralled.

After a time, the pair pulled back from each other, Vaermina gasping for air despite not needing to breathe. "Anui-el and Sithis," she swore breathlessly. "The visions barely told a fraction..." She looked into his eyes, her own glowing with fond warmth.

Discord struggled to gain control of himself. "If...if that's what a kiss feels like..." he murmured in wonder. "What...what does..."

"What does it feel like to go further?" Vaermina coached throatily. When Discord nodded, her smile widened. "Perhaps Sanguine can give us some privacy to find out?"

Chuckling softly to himself, Sanguine stood up. "Just clean up before you leave, alright?" he asked hopefully.

"No promises!" Discord called back as the Prince left his own Realm.

Agonizing Sanity

Sheogorath stared at the Obelisk that had arisen on the very walk to his throne room. He could see it without even rising from his throne, and Knights of Order already surrounded it. If ever he needed indisputable proof of the approach of the Greymarch, here it was. And yet, despite his best efforts...he had failed. The March was coming too soon, the 3rd Era not yet ended. The event that would trigger it was to take place in 433, and it was only 430. And yet the Greymarch had already progressed to the point where he would soon revert to Jyggalag...and then everything would fail.

He had known this was coming, known it would come always. He had also known that true understanding of it would destroy Discord, which was why he was glad he had bonded mutually to so many other Daedric Princes. They would protect him from what would come. Sheogorath had hoped a hero would have arisen by now, one whom he could coax into the Shivering Isles and lead along the quests to stop the Greymarch, so that they would take up the mantle of Sheogorath. That would free him to be Jyggalag...and to either bond with Discord as Jyggalag or leave Discord unaware of the truth. Because if the Greymarch continued unopposed...when he became Sheogorath again, he would have lost the emotional bond of the memories with Discord. It would be like reading about it in a book, not experiencing it himself. To look at Discord without that genuine affection of the bond...it would destroy Discord, and Sheogorath would only find it amusing. The mere thought withered his soul.

And now all his options were taken from him. Before the sun set this day, the transformation would complete himself. He couldn't let Discord see it.

Hearing singing, he lifted his head to look. Discord was dancing his way back to the Isles from the Quagmire. He had obviously been to see Vaermina again. Sheogorath couldn't stop the smile that crossed his face from knowing his son had found love. Love...a concept he'd never even thought about before the mismatched mischief maker had appeared, and now it was both a blessing and curse upon his being. He didn't recognize the song Discord was singing, but it apparently involved making the air around him play a lot of bass.

"You are my light in the dark
You are the beating in my heart
But that is not enough
Will I ever being by your side?"

Well, wherever he came across or came up with the song from, it was obvious he was singing about Vaermina. He was in such a good mood, skipping gaily around the islands as he made his way towards the castle. Sheogorath felt his heart shrivel in his chest as he knew he would have to shatter that good mood...and a great deal more. Discord was his son, and he would protect him from this if it was the last thing he did.

As he thought that, he felt a stab in his core as Jyggalag flexed, and more Knights of Order appeared around the Obelisks. How apropos, he thought to himself. It will be the last thing I do as me... Schooling his features, he put a wrathful expression upon his face. This would be the hardest thing he ever did.

Discord danced into the palace, his singing fading as he saw Sheogorath's angry expression. "Dad, is something wrong?" he asked worriedly. "Did my singing upset you? I can pick another genre, I know that one's not for everyone..." He waved his lion paw, dispelling the heavy beats.

Sheogorath stood slowly, glaring down at Discord. "Gather your belongings," he instructed firmly. "Then make your way to the Ashpit. Malacath will welcome you."

Discord smiled widely. "Oh, a sleepover? I haven't had one of those in a while. But does it have to be in the Ashpits? I love Malacath's realm, but everything's so public, and Vaermina's really rather private about those things-"

"It isn't a sleepover," Sheogorath barked out. "When you have taken all that is yours from here to the Ashpit, you are to never return."

Discord stopped cold, his face becoming stricken. "B-but Dad! This is my home!"

"No longer!" Sheogorath snarled out, though the look of agony on Discord's face made his heart shrivel. "Out of my realm, out of my life! You are banished!"

"Dad, why?" Discord wailed, tears running down his cheeks as he lunged forward, clinging to Sheogorath's robes. "If I've upset you, I can fix it! Please, just tell me what I've done! Was it Peryite? Is it being with Vaermina? Was it rejecting the Dark Seducers? If it's something I've done, I'll undo it! If it's something I haven't done, I'll do it! Just please don't send me away-"

"ENOUGH!" Sheogorath roared, his voice causing the palace to crumble into the sky as multi-colored ravens that cawed like foghorns. "I am still Prince of Madness, and this is my Realm! My authority is final, and you are exiled from these lands!" He resolutely turned his back on his son.

Weeping, Discord vanished.

Sheogorath waited until he could no longer sense Discord in the Isles, and then sank to his knees and wept like a brokenhearted child. It was better this way, he told himself. Better Discord never look upon him again thinking he hated him...then to come back and see him not know him. But he would have done anything - anything - to have spared his son this pain. "Would that I could die for thee, my son," he whispered, wishing any amount of pain to himself to spare Discord this pain.

Tears fell against a Fell Iron mask as Jyggalag rose at the edge of the Isles. The curse would be obeyed. He would march through the Isles, and erase all that was there. All record of Sheogorath, all record of Discord...all record of the Isles themselves. The curse would not restore itself until the Era ended, and the Isles would be cleansed well before then, leaving Jyggalag with plenty of power and time to act.

He could not go to Discord after wounding him so. Even if the truth were believed, it would not be accepted. And there was no life without love. No purpose without hope. All that was left in the gap of time between the curse no longer driving him and the curse binding him anew...was to make of himself the Ultimate Expression of Order. "And I can never say goodbye..." he mumbled, his voice echoing within his helm as the Knights began their march, the cadence of their steps a metallic dirge.

Frenzied

As soon as he couldn't sense Sheogorath in the Isles anymore, Discord slipped the Ring of Khajit off his talon. His face was contorted in pure, unadulterated fury. The grey man had come, and he had twisted his father out of all recognition, to the point he didn't even act like himself...and now he was gone. Discord was not about to stand for that. He was going to teach the grey man a lesson. He was going to face the grey man, beat him, annihilate him, and prove to his Dad that he didn't need to be protected anymore, and then they'd hug and celebrate and everything would be good. Determined on his course of action, he spoke to the Isles. "Haskill!"

Haskill appeared in a flash, then blinked in surprise. "Young master? The old master-"

"I don't give a damn what Dad said!" Discord snapped out. "The grey man is coming, and that's unseated Dad's unreason! I won't let him erase my home or my father! He's got another thing coming if he thinks I'm going to run with my tail between my legs!"

Haskill blinked a few times. "That...is an accurate assessment of events, as far as it goes," he admitted. "But what do you intend to do?"

"When the grey man shows up, I'm going to kick his ass!" Discord snapped.

Haskill frowned. "Jyggalag - the grey man - is the Daedric Prince of Order, the most powerful of the Daedra to ever live. It took all the power the other Daedric Princes possessed to bind him before. Even if you could match your father's power...Order is antithetical to your power of Chaos. You cannot face him as you are. This is why you were banished-"

"Then how do I face him?" Discord demanded angrily. "How do I make him back off, and show him this is my home?"

Haskill rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "...claim the land," he stated finally.

"W-what?" Discord asked, confused.

"If you claim the throne of Madness, its power will protect you from Jyggalag's Order, allowing you to meet him on even footing without taking undue harm from the nature of his power," Haskill explained. "But to do that, you will need to restore the Staff of Sheogorath."

"And I do that how?" Discord demanded. He wasn't sure how he felt about claiming his father's throne - wouldn't Dad be out of a job if he did that? - but he knew he wasn't about to let Jiggy get with it.

"Dyus will be able to instruct you," Haskill explained. "You can find him in Knifepoint Hollow-"

Discord snapped his talons and vanished.

"...this will not end well," Haskill murmured as he vanished.

Dyus was an elderly man with white hair, grey skin, and garbed in grey robes. Everything about him was grey, from knowing for eons exactly how everything would play out. After all, when one serves the Prince of Order as the head Librarian, all things can be predicted by the formulas that had been crafted from endless study of every living creature, whether creature, mortal, Daedra, or Aedra...things grow grey and boring. As such, Dyus knew that a Hero would appear in the next few years - down to the exact date - as a result of the Oblivion crisis to stop the Greymarch. He even knew how he would react.

Which is why he did not take well to seeing a creature appear that was never listed in the Library of Order, and thus never calculated for. His reaction, as such, was not as controlled as he would have hoped. "What the fuck are you?" he demanded, his voice momentarily shifting out of his normal dull monotone. He hoped his Lord would forgive his momentary lack of control.

Discord lunged forward, pinning Dyus to his chair. "Tell me how to restore the Staff of Sheogorath or I'll feed you your own testicles! While they're still attached!"

Dyus blinked in shock. Unfortunately for him, being a servant to Order made one a firm believer in logic. "I am not entirely certain that's anatomically possible-"

"Would you care for a demonstration?" Discord snarled, the walls shaking from the force of his anger.

"You need the Eye of Ciirta and a branch from the Tree of Shades," Dyus said quickly.

"Got it," Discord responded before vanishing.

Ciirta was startled out of her preparations to overthrow Sheogorath as Discord appeared before her. "Borrowing this," he stated bluntly as he plucked her eye painlessly from its socket before vanishing.

She blinked several times. She had seen things no mortal should ever have seen...but this was new. Perhaps Sheogorath had not abandoned the throne...so much as abdicated it. She had heard about a son, but hadn't believed it...

Discord reappeared in Knifepoint Hill, eye and branch in hands. "Now what?" he demanded angrily.

"Afix the eye to the branch, then touch the staff to the Tree of Madness in the throne room of the palace to energize it," Dyus explained.

Discord vanished again.

Dyus slumped back into his chair. "Jyggalag forgive me...but if I'm to try and calculate him, I need a drink..."

As Discord appeared before the Tree of Madness, he paused. He could recreate the Staff of Sheogorath...but he wasn't his Dad. He couldn't just step into his Dad's shoes...that was playing Jiggy's game. His Dad had taught him better. When going into battle, you made your own rules. Staring at the branch, he grinned as an idea struck him. There were all those points...

He started with a strand of fur from the Savior's Hide he was wearing, tying it to one thorny point. He then slipped the Ring of Khajit onto another, and embedded Sanguine's Starlet in a third. He braced the Skeleton Key in the top, and bound Azura's Star to it with a vine of Poison Joke, the special bloom he'd made with Peryite. He jammed Sting into the top next to the Skeleton Key - hilt in - then wrapped a strand of Nightmare Silk around the whole thing. The strand of silk - made of spun dreamstuff - had been a gift from Vaermina, to celebrate them still being an item after a full year, something no Daedra of any rank had ever experienced before.

At long last, he affixed the Eye of Ciitra to Sting and the Key, then slammed the completed artifact into the Tree of Madness to charge it.

In a flash of light that was all colors and none, the artifact was complete. The staff carried powers from all the artifacts that had been bound into it, and powers unique to itself derived from Discord himself. It was a solid wood with twisted points sticking out, topped with Discord's own horn and antler. Discord took in its true nature as he stared at it.

Mad Psijic
When raised, one of the following occurs
Voice of Command - all targeted freeze for 10 minutes
Greater Invisibility - when active, wielder cannot be perceived, even when striking (lasts 2 minutes)
Open Door - automatically unlocks all barriers
enThrall - summon random Daedra to serve wielder
Joke's On You - Randomly curse target
Darkness of Heart - target undergoes nightmare scenario, inflicting permanent Fear status

Following effects are permanent
No Cast - Magic Resist 50%, 25% chance to cancel any spell that targets wielder
Phenomenal Cosmic Power - this artifact never runs out of charges
Itty Bitty Living Space - this artifact has zero weight and encumbrance
Mine! - this artifact can only be wielded by Discord, Prince of Chaos and Madness

With the staff complete Discord turned, feeling the approach of Jyggalag. He would make his Father proud.

The Last March

As Jyggalag marched towards the castle, his Order Knights around him, he felt the leaden weight of his metal armor. He didn't want this. He didn't want to destroy this place anymore, not when he'd already cast aside what mattered to him. The endless logic, rules, and equations he'd come up with for the guidelines of Order had shown that hope did not exist...but those equations could not predict Discord. Discord, in his own way, had represented the hope that Jyggalag had long believed a fallacy. And he'd cast it aside to protect him. For the first time, he knew what self-loathing felt like. He wondered if his intentions would work when the Isles were no more. He wondered if Order needed a Prince to guide it. He wondered if anyone would miss him...

A massive explosion of eldritch energies that turned seven of his Knights of Order into leprechauns in the seven colors of the rainbow banished his wondering, leaving him with a rather significant question. "...wat?"

"Jyggy...I'm home!" a dangerously angry voice rang out.

The palace - now that he thought about it, Sheogorath had shattered the palace when he'd banished Discord, did whoever was doing this rebuild it just to blow it up again? - exploded into a fountain of Daedric energy as the Tree of Madness shot into the sky, growing like crazy until it shaded the entire Isles. It carried up with it the Throne of Madness, and sitting upon the Throne was none other than Discord himself, a horn-and-antlered wooden staff clutched in his eagle talon, and a golden cane with what looked like a grinning unicorn head on top in his lion paw. "You!" Jyggalag gasped out, shrugging off the cane as 'Discord being Discord' as he sensed no actual power in it.

"You twisted my Dad until he cast me out," Discord growled out. "You put up your obelisks in my home, called up your Knights...did you really think, once Dad wasn't looking over my shoulder, I'd hesitate to turn the powers of the land itself against you?" He hurled the golden cane down like a lance into a lake that sprang up between him and the Knights, and a swarm of narwhals leapt out of the water to shoot laser beams from their horns at the Knights of Order, driving them back with randomness as much as magical power.

Jyggalag snarled under his helmet. He didn't want to fight the boy, but this was the path he had chosen. He only hoped the boy would forgive him for this. "How do you command the land?" he demanded, raising his greatsword to prepare for a strike.

Discord held up the staff. "Haskill pointed me to the one who knew how to make Dad's Staff," he explained. "Though...I tweaked it a bit." With that, he vanished.

Jyggalag swore silently. The Ring of Khajit! I forgot he had it! Still, he'll have a hard time blending in with these surroundings- A snarl of pain interrupted his thoughts as he felt the sting of...well, Sting across his back. "What?"

"Where do you think I got the parts for the tweaks?" Discord's voice asked from all around as the eyes of the Order Knights glowed. Turning, they began to attack Jyggalag.

Jyggalag staggered back, smashing his own Knights away. But Sanguine's Starlet shouldn't override a Daedric Prince's control of his own servant! Did...did this combination artifact amplify the powers of all that went into it? But still, he's using a great deal of power, he should-Padomy's nonexistent testicles, Azura's Star! He'll never run out of juice!

Discord chuckled as he reappeared some distance away, watching the Chaos unfold in the ranks of Order. "It seems you're beginning to grasp just what I've got in my hands. Oh, and don't bother trying to take it from me." He hurled the staff at Jyggalag...only for the Prince of Order to hiss in pain just from trying to touch it, and for the staff to fly back to Discord's eagle talon with a snap. "It only works for me. It seems you lack a sense of humor though. None of my Jokes are working." He shrugged. "Oh well, one last thing to try." He lifted the staff towards Jyggalag.

Jyggalag raised his sword to defend. He'd gotten a sense of the powers the staff could bring to bear when he'd touched it. Joke...that must be the random curse aspect from the sprig of that plant he made with Peryite. I'm immune to curses, though. But other than that, he's shown every casting power from his gifts but the Skeleton Key. What will he do-

Another wave of magic hit him. He found himself staring at a massive hole in his chest and armor, his magic leaking out as his form unraveled around the staff thrust through him. Discord grinned as he reached over and plucked his helmet off...only for that grin to fall away into an expression of absolute despair and betrayal.

Jyggalag snapped back to himself, filled with the fear that vision had placed in him. Anui-El and Sithis, no...I can't let that happen...

As his sword dropped from his nerveless grip, Discord raised the staff and gathered a massive blast of magic before hurling it at him in a twisting, coruscating sequence of rainbow colored lightning bolts. Jyggalag made no attempt to dodge or block as the blast tore into his armor, ripping off the left side of his helmet to reveal the face beneath.

The face of Sheogorath.

Discord stared at his foe for a few moments, then exploded in rage. When he reformed, he had his staff leveled at his foes exposed flesh. "Why do you have my father's face?" he demanded angrily.

"Because...I am your father," his foe explained.

"No..." Discord gasped out as he staggered melodramatically back. "It can't be true...it's impossible!"

The Prince stared at him for a time, then let out a sigh. "Search your feelings. You know it to be true. Why the hell did I just say that?"

"NO!" Discord screamed out in a long despairing wail. "No..." he repeated, his voice weaker. "But seriously, explain. This doesn't make any sense, and for once that's not fun."

Jyggalag sighed as he prepared to explain. "I am Jyggalag, Daedric Prince of Order. Eons ago, the other Princes feared me and the Truth I represented, and they placed a curse upon me. That curse forced me to live each Era as what I most despised...the representative of Madness. The curse created Sheogorath."

"Then how come you changed back?" Discord demanded, following along with interest.

"Part of the curse was that at the end of each era, I would revert and march across the Isles, erasing the madness," Jyggalag explained. "This is called The Greymarch. When the March concludes itself, I am recreated as a new Sheogorath to fill the empty throne. I retain past memories...but they are like reading from a journal. The feelings are not there. That is why Sheogorath cast you out, so you would not return and see your father not know you."

"Why not tell me all this?" Discord demanded angrily. "I thought I was the heir!"

"Because he did not believe you were strong enough to face me," Jyggalag explained, sticking to the Order of continuous verbage. "While it was theoretically possible that someone who sat upon the Throne of Madness could do battle with me, win, and thus end the Greymarch and take the throne to break the curse, he did not believe you could manage it.

"His original plan was to have the hero that would arise in the crisis that would end the present Era come and be guided through the Isles, bonding with you as a friend to do battle with me. If successful, the new Sheogorath could act as an older brother or uncle, so you could still have a home. But because Clavicus Vile removed his power from the curse, it unraveled early. The Greymarch would both begin and end well before the beginning of the next Era, with no hero to stop it." His explanation finished, Jyggalag fell silent.

Discord stared at the Prince before him for a time. "But why would..." His eyes widened in shock. "My wish...is this how...but..." He rubbed his chin for a time. "Then tell me, Jyggalag...Sheogorath was my father...but am I your son?"

"You are," Jyggalag responded immediately. "I know not how it has come to pass, but I love you with all my heart, my son. It is why, when Sheogorath could not enact his plan to stop the Greymarch as it came early, I sought to use what power I had left before the End of the Era to end myself rather than forever bear witness to you seeing a father who did not know you."

Discord smiled softly, floated over, and pulled Jyggalag into a full body hug. "I love you too, Dad," he whispered softly. "But you aren't you like this...and I can tell you aren't happy, either. You're still too cold, the metal too hard." Floating back, he lifted his Staff into the air. "Let's fix that, shall we?"

"Discord, what are you-" Jyggalag's voice died as reality peeled away.

As the hole opened, Jyggalag saw purple and blue energies endlessly interacting. He knew what it was. It was Anu and Padomy, the space where they overlapped creating Aurbis, their interactions allowing Aurbis to function and be a reality. Everything in Aurbis was a mix of the energies of Anu and Padomy, that mix being fundamental to their existence. He saw it in himself. He saw it in the Isles. He saw it his Order Knights, and the Golden Saints and Dark Seducers. He saw it in the Staff Discord held.

He did not see it in Discord.

Realization washed over him as he saw Discord's energy flowing into the staff. The equations that calculated the behavior of all living beings throughout Aurbis were perfect...based on what he had known. They had proven impeccably accurate until Discord's arrival, and Discord's arrival had altered all whom he'd encountered, causing them to violate those equations at every turn. And now he realized why. He had left out a variable when defining his equations, a variable that could not fully be accounted for, and rendered all his equations mere fallacies as he realized for the first time that it was a variable.

'Is the subject a native of Aurbis?'

And that was when he realized...the very fact that the Chaos Discord represented could not be accounted for...showed that Order and Hope were not mutually exclusive. He could have Hope...as long as he had his son.

And then Discord acted in a way that seemed to put that all in jeopardy.

He leveled the Mad Psijic at the intermingling energies. The Voice of Command rang out, "STOP!"

And the interaction stopped.

Discord stood in timeless time in real unreality as he tried to take into account the essence of Aurbis, the shape of reality, the true nature of the entire universe. He saw the bricks in the tower before him, crumbling and shaking as he held them still in an attempt to shift just one block ever so slightly, an action that took more power than he'd ever dreamed.

And as he touched the block, he described what was before him in the only way he could.

"...Jenga..."

And with that word, the world returned...forever changed.

Line in the Sand

Sheogorath groaned as reality returned. His head felt like all the hangovers in Aurbis history had been funneled into his cranium alone, and all his muscles ached...despite the fact that head, physical brain, and muscles were all just magical constructs that such things shouldn't apply to. "Ugh..." he groaned, noticing an odd tinny echo to his voice. "What in Sithis' name happened?" He brought a hand up to his head, only to flinch back from an armored gauntlet.

"What?" he demanded in shock, sitting up fast enough he had to clutch his head with both hands. "Aedra blood!" he barked out as he lifted the face plate of his helmet to vomit.

Alright, that's a lot to take in right now, he thought to himself. My thoughts feel like Sheogorath, but I'm definitely in Jyggalag armor, and experiencing physical sensations I shouldn't, including vomiting. ...also, my head's been clear enough despite feeling like Sheogorath that my train of thought hasn't turned into a mongoose. ...oh Anui-el, did Clavicus and Sanguine team up to turn me into a mortal again for shits and giggles? I hate when they do that, no matter how short it lasts! He gripped his sword, feeling the Order power inside it. Okay, still got my Daedra power...not a mortal. Also not Sheogorath if I have Order power and not Madness power. That's...

His senses alerted him to a massive spiritual imbalance in the fundamental fabric of reality very close to his location. "...when in doubt, check out the odd thing," he mumbled to himself as he sat up, turning towards the source.

A strange chimeric creature hovered in midair, clutching a staff as he seemed to flicker in and out of existence as he watched. "That creature...I know...my son?" He blinked as that thought struck him. "I have a son? Yes, that's my son! My son...my son..." He clutched his head. "If he is my son, why can I not recall his name?!" His eyes narrowed. "And why is he flickering like that? Pretty sure that's more important."

Getting to his feet, he rushed forward and faced the creature. What he saw gave him pause. Inside the creatures eyes was reflected the image of an ever crumbling tower. "...CHIM..." he murmured in awe. "My son...he's attempting the Psijic Endeavor...but why?" He rubbed his forehead. "At least that explains the flickering, and why my memory's spotty. He's struggling to encompass all of Aurbis within his sense of self, and he keeps slipping towards Zero Sum."

He closed his eyes, focusing on his memory, struggling against the pull of ontological inertia in his own mind. "He fought me...because he wanted me back. He took the throne...so I'm Jyggalag now. No, he fought to get me back, so I'm still Sheogorath. Or..." He glanced at his reflection in his sword, seeing Sheogorath's face there. "He...he said I was still too cold, and was fixing..."

Realization struck him like a bolt of lightning. "Mind of Jyggalag, with logical thought and clear thinking. Heart of Sheogorath, who loves joy and believes in hope..." He shook his head in amazement. "He remade me of my pieces, making me whole...but where did the mad mind and still heart go? This is quite perplexing."

For some reason, a grey face with green eyes and pale purple hair rose out of a nearby bush. "You're quite perplexing," the face observed in a feminine, monotone voice before vanishing back into the bush(1).

"That was random," Jyggorath observed, having chosen a name already for his new joined identity. "Guess that's a good sign as far as my son..." He slammed his fist against a nearby tree. "Sithis' left testicle! Why can't I remember his name? That's not good...not good at all..." His head snapped up as 14 portals appeared.

Each of the other Princes stepped out of the portals, all looking shocked at the sight of him. Well, they did think he was Jyggalag after all, and they joined forces to best him. Only Clavicus Vile looked intrigued, glancing between Jyggorath and the boy.

Hermaeus Mora, however, acted. Lunging quickly forward, he stretched his tentacles out towards-

Without even being aware he was moving, Jyggorath leapt between his son and the Prince of Knowledge, sword flashing in the air like a thunderclap, the air ripping in its wake as the tendril was severed and banished from the realm. Hermaeus let out an unearthly shriek that was as much shock as pain as he pulled back.

Hermaeus Mora turned his baleful gaze upon Jyggorath. "Jyggalag," he spoke up, unaware of the change as of yet as Aurbis was still in flux. "You know as well as I that he does not belong in this reality. He never should have existed, and his presence has undone the order that Aurbis is meant to function by. If he continues, all Order - all Knowledge - will be nothing before him! Now is the only chance to act. If he is distracted from his Endeavor, he will slip into Zero Sum, and none of this will have ever happened-"

"Xth!"(2)

The assembled Daedric Princes gasped at Jyggorath's exclamation. Though its meaning was deceptively simple - Unname - the truth of it was far worse. To speak it to another was to proclaim that all their works were nothing, that reality would have been better off if they never existed, that if the speaker could do so they would make the one spoken to cease to exist through sheer force of will. For a Daedric Prince to speak it to another...it was a declaration of all out war to erasure. Hermaeus blanched. "You...you don't mean-"

"I mean it, you bastard," Jyggorath snarled defiance. "I don't care about Knowledge or Order...or even Aurbis itself! I care not if it leaves us all mere puppets dancing to the tune of a mad True God. He is my son, and I won't let you lay one tendril on him you slimy son of a bitch!"

Hermaeus Mora flinched back in shock, but snarled defiance. "You think you can stand alone again?" he demanded angrily.

"Who says he'll stand alone?" Clavicus Vile asked as he positioned himself between Hermaeus and Jyggorath's son. "After all...this is the wish I granted. I want to see it play out."

"I'm not about to allow my nephew to come to harm because you don't know how to have fun!" Sanguine snapped as he stepped up to Jyggorath's other side.

"We may not agree on who is the Mother..." Nocturnal said as she joined the group.

"...but we do agree that you will not bring him harm if we can help it!" Meridia concluded fiercely as she followed.

"I'm not about to let you hurt my little bro!" Azura snapped as she placed herself in the group.

"He belongs," Malacath snarled as he stepped up. "I will not let you cast him out!"

"You think we fear this alliance?" Mehrunus Dagon snarled as he stepped up beside Hermaeus. "This will end!" Mephala, Molag Bal, and Namira joined him in silence.

"I always wanted to hunt another Prince," Hircine observed calmly as he stepped up beside Clavicus Vile. "This will be interesting..."

Hermaeus Mora turned towards the remaining three Princes, a commanding look in his eyes as though insisting they join him.

Boethiah snorted disdainfully. "Just because I'm not on his side," he snapped as he jerked a thumb towards the chimeric creature, "don't assume I'm on yours!" He stepped back, staying neutral.

"He was the first to treat me as an equal!" Peryite snarled as he took wing, hovering over the group defending. "The rest of you just treated me like some sort of sub-creature! I stand with my friend!"

Vaermina walked calmly to beside the creature. "I stand with my mate," she stated simply, shocking all those listening.

Jyggorath grinned at Hermaeus' stupefaction, seeing he didn't have the support he'd hoped for. "As the world is in flux, this is still my realm...which means my word is still law here. And I say..." He drew his sword, letting light glint off it. "That you shall not touch Discord!" He felt something shiver as he slammed his blade point first into the dirt between his feet. "You...shall not...PASS!"

The entirety of Aurbis lurched, maybe inches, maybe feet, maybe hundreds of miles. At the same time, all of reality seemed to chime with a bell like tone. As everything swung back into focus, Jyggorath felt a paw on his shoulder.

"...I've got this, Dad."

(1) Maud turns to the readers. "And now you know why I didn't exist before season four."
(2) This is merely the closest any literary form can come to represented the actual exclamation. The true form of it cannot be recorded or comprehended by mortal minds.*
(*) Kudos to anyone who catches what book series it's a reference to.

New World Disorder

Discord had changed. He was now much longer, able to contort in midair and completely wrap any Prince in the full length of his body from muzzle to feather. His goatee had grown out long and luxurious, giving him a very evil appearance. His goat horn had grown long and crooked, and his deer antler was now an 8.8 point crown. Cascading energy of all colors and none surrounded him like an aurora before shifting to dance over his bald head. His staff now shimmered with palest blue and darkest purple, the energies of Anu and Padomy. Most different of all were his eyes, which now showed ancient wisdom, impossible knowledge, and the mischief of the truly wicked.

"Dad, everyone, I'm glad you're standing up for me, but I can fight my own battles...especially in my own Realm," he spoke up warmly. "Speaking of..." He lifted his staff. "I Discord, son of Sheogorath, son of Jyggalag, do hereby claim by right of succession and conquest the Throne of Madness and Chaos!" he bellowed out, the very fabric of reality shivering from the declaration. "Do any here gainsay my right?" He was greeted only with silence. "Well," he continued in a more normal tone, "now that that's taken care of, let's address some more important matters." He crossed his arms and floated back. "Why is there no Daedric King?"

Everyone stared at him, completely stunned. "...come again?" Vaermina finally asked.

"Only in private, love, I thought we were agreed on that?" Discord teased, making the Prince of Dreams blush rosily...much to the stunned amazement of several other Princes and the amusement of others. "But let me be blunt. The Daedric Princes are always in conflict with one another, alliances shifting on a moment to moment basis...meaning we have very little power where it matters. But history shows when several Daedric Princes unite, the results are awe inspiring. So...why is there no King to gather that power and shape that unity?"

Jyggorath snorted in amusement. "What do you think I was trying to do when I got cursed?" he explained with a playful glower at some of the other Princes.

"Now to be fair, Jyggorath," Clavicus spoke up, "your old self wasn't someone any of us would be willing to follow. Of course trying to enforce Order on those of us who aren't Order is going to result in unified counterattack."

"Let's nix that possibility, shall we?" Discord suggested. "I love Chaos as much as the next Daedra, but only when I'm the one making it and being entertained by it. So let's make things interesting." He raised his Staff again. "I, Prince Discord of Madness and Chaos, do hereby name myself King of the Daedra! Any who would accept my rule, swear fealty to me before the end of the Era! For all others...let the King Games begin!"

"King Games?" Hermaeus Mora snarled out. "What are those?"

"Just what they sound like," Discord explained. "I don't want war between the Princes, so we're keeping it simple. I have declared myself King. If nothing has happened by the end of the Era to refute that claim, I will be King, and you all will swear undying fealty to me. Before then, you may choose either to swear that fealty early, or challenge me for the Crown. The challenged chooses the game, the only rules being that relative Daedric Power and magic skill of the competitors in no way influence the outcome of the game."

He twirled playfully around Vaermina as he continued his explanation. "If I am challenged and win, the loser swears eternal fealty to me as their Liege, for themselves and all sworn to them. If I lose, I swear eternal fealty to the winner as my Liege, for myself and all sworn to me. It thus becomes an elimination match of Games, last Prince holding the Crown winning it all."

"Ludicrous!" Hermaeus Mora snarled. "Do you really think you can bet the fate of the Daedra on a series of games?"

Smiling, Discord turned to the Princes who had sided with him. "How many here like this method for ending this conflict and changing the face of Aurbis?" he inquired. The ten Daedra who had protected him raised their hands...as did Boethiah. "Boethiah? You're for it too?" Discord asked in surprise. "You realize there's no option to deceive when it comes to these oaths."

Boethiah smirked. "I am well aware. It might actually smooth things over between us this way. I look forward to these games."

Smirking, Discord turned to Hermaeus Mora. "So that's 12 for. How many against?" His grin turned vicious.

Hermaeus Mora snarled defiance. "Fine! I shall play your game, and you will regret challenging the Prince of Knowledge to a game of skill!"

Discord turned, seeing that he got the ascent from the other dissenters. "In that case, I look forward to your challenges. Until then...begone!" He thrust his Staff at them, banishing them back to their own realms.

"I'll take my leave as well," Boethiah spoke up. "This is going to be...an experience." With that said, he turned and left, fading to his own realm.

Discord sighed in relief as he stretched out, only to find himself nearly crushed in an armored bear hug. "D-dad!" he gasped out.

"Don't you ever pull anything that reckless again!" he snapped angrily. "I could have lost you to zero-sum, and never known the joy you brought me."

Discord smiled, wrapping around his father. "How could I not, Dad? You made me who I am today. What's the fun in being Mad if you don't take insane risks once in a while?"

"Well, I'm rather certain we'll all swear fealty to you once you've trounced the others," Clavicus spoke up.

"Are you certain he can?" Sanguine asked somewhat nervously. "They are quite capable..."

Discord's grin split his face three ways. "Oh don't worry...it's in the bag." He pulled out a large sack and reached into it, pulling out a deck of cards, a checker board, a chess set, and a cribbage board. "Ooh, Double Cranko!"

Challenges

Discord smiled across the wide table in front of him at Hermaeus Mora, who was glaring back at him. "So glad you chose to challenge me first," he greeted happily. "It's really going to set the theme for all these challenges...which is why everyone is here watching." He gestured to where the other Daedric Princes and the Nine Divines were gathered to watch the playout of events which would so drastically alter the balance of godly power in Aurbis.

Hermaeus Mora, for his part, simply snarled. "Let's just get on with it." He glanced over the deck of cards, the checker board, the chess set, and the bottles and glasses arranged on the table. "So what are we playing? Cards? Checkers? Chess?" He had confidence in those three areas, even if it was a game he wasn't familiar with. There were only so many combinations of rules any of them could be given.

"Oh, we'll be using all of them!" Discord countered as he filled the glasses with a brew Peryite had helped him create just for this occasion. It was specifically formulated to intoxicate Daedra. "We're playing Double Cranko!"

"...what?" Hermaeus asked uncertainly, not enjoying the fact that Talos, Clavicus, and Sanguine had all burst into laughter while Akatosh, Vivec, and Jyggorath had facepalmed. "What is...Double Cranko?"

Discord blinked. "Oh, a newbie to cranking. Alright, we'll do single Cranko for you..." He reached out to remove the checker board.

"No!" Hermaeus snapped as he heard boos and hisses from the watchers. "I will not be humiliated by being treated by an amateur! Just explain the rules to me! And make sure I can remember it all."

Discord grinned widely. "Of course! Why, I'll even do it...in song!(1)"

He quickly set out everything, speaking rhythmically. "First you lay out the cards and set up the chess pieces, using the shot glasses and cups as checkers. Rather straightforward so far but that's where that ends, because now it's time for the new stuff. Show your cards so you can see what you do."

As the cards were revealed, Discord continued singing. "Now you've got two faces, which means your hand gives me points, unless you've got a five of another suit for a helping hand. But that only applies if you're playing third edition and it's a Tuesday. Instead drop two cards and add one more, and now you've got three queens.

"With the three queens it's time to make a move with the glasses, but you weren't paying attention so you've been jumped on my turn and now you take a shot!" While he waited for Hermaeus to choke down the contents of the glass, Discord began singing.

"Cranko! Double Cranko!
A game that sounds like it was made by...Wakko!
It's so simple, so very simple,
That only a child can play it!"

As Hermaeus gasped for breath, Discord took his turn. "Now I start with gin, so I add some tonic, giving me three turns on the checker board. But we're playing Wonderland rules since we're in the Isles, but only because it's a full moon. To end my turn and collect my points I need to make the phase change, cause in the waning crescent that's rummy! Now it's your turn and the extra card, and your King's been caught with the wrong three queens which means his queen wants a divorce!"

Hermaeus Mora blinked for a time, several of his eyes whirling in different directions as he desperately tried to make sense of what he was being told. "A...divorce? What's a divorce?"

Discord patted Mora's cheek condescendingly. "Oh, you poor innocent bastard..." With that, he continued to sing the rules. "So your chess pieces split down the middle as the kids - that's the pawns - go with the Mom and the Knights with the King since he sticks with his boys, but the bishops are arguing the case over who gets the castles and if they meet in the middle they fight each other. So you've got two sides, and it's time to drink again."

Unsure what was going on anymore, Hermaeus choked down another shot, gasping for air and starting to get dizzy.

"And then it's Thursday so you flip the points on their heads, and then we switch sides and play each other's cards but not the pieces!" With a snap of his talons, Discord swapped places with Mora. "And then you roll the dice and it comes up seven so you take five more shots, and then you king me which gives me your queen since she needs twice the man for her kids. And the checkers are revolting as the second half of the game's played upside down!"

As Hermaeus slumped backwards, trying to make his brain work, Discord sung once more.

"Cranko! Double Cranko!
Where probability might as well be a...ta~co!
It's so simple...so very simple...
That only a child can play it!

Hermaeus stared groggily at the table. "I didn't understand any of that!" he gasped out.

With a wide grin, Discord pulled out the cribbage board. "In that case, I think you're ready for Triple Cranko."

Hermaeus Mora's face slumped against the table, scattering pieces and glasses. With a groan, he held up a white flag. "Please...no more...just...just stick me in a tutu or something, I give up! I can't make heads or tails of this game."

"Well that's your problem!" Discord chided encouragingly. "Coins are First Edition only. We're playing 3.5."

"Make it stop!" Hermaeus Mora bellowed despairingly. "Just let me die..."

"Oh, you don't die in this game," Discord corrected. "But you did surrender, so I'll take that oath now."

(1) The following is set to the tune of 'New Math' by Tom Lehrer.

Challenges II

The Shivering Isles looked even more chaotic than usual as a result of the game selected for Mehrunus Dagon's challenge. After the fracas of Hermaeus' challenge, it was decided that the challenger had to agree to a game after hearing the rules, or the challenged had to pick a new game. After the third selected game, however, the challenger had to agree to one of the offered games, as long as they were significantly different. Upon hearing the rules of the first game Discord offered, however, Dagon had agreed to it immediately. The notion of a game in which a single word could create or destroy with impunity appealed to Dagon immensely.

The game was Materialization Shiritori. The basic rules were simple: each player said a word that began with the last letter of the previous player's word. If the thing thus stated existed, it was temporarily shunted into zero-sum until the end of the game. If it did not exist, it was brought into existence. Each player had exactly one minute to come up with their word, or they forfeited. The game ended when one player proved unable to speak a valid word within the time limit. Repeat words were forbidden...though repeat items or concepts were allowed if a different word or variant of the word were utilized. In addition, multi-word descriptions of items described in two or more words were allowed, as long as it described a single thing.

Given the nature of Daedra, certain additional rules were created. First, they could not use each other's names or their dominions as words, and thus directly erase their opponent for the required time period. Second, a specific language alphabet was agreed upon in advance that they used, and words were only valid if they could be written in that alphabet. Third, no outside assistance. Of course, Discord still proved to have an advantage over Dagon since he seemed to have knowledge of things that did not exist within Aurbis' sphere. The hydrogen bomb that was his first usage, for example. Dagon still had no idea what that was.

"Fur," Discord offered calmly as it came to his turn again, and fur vanished from his Savior's Hide, from his own hide, and every creature and garment in the area.

Dagon glanced around, trying to come up with something...and spotted one of the creatures summoned. "Rhino!" he barked out, and a nearby rhinoceros vanished.

Discord clicked his tongue chidingly. "I'm not sure if that should count as outside interference or not," he offered thoughtfully. "After all, it's only because Jyggorath called it a rhino when I summoned it that you knew the word."

"He's obviously on your side!" Dagon barked back.

"Point," Discord concluded. "Old bag!"

Namira vanished into zero-sum, causing Sanguine to burst into laughter and give Discord a high five.

"For some reason, I feel immensely pleased with myself," Meridia observed idly.

Dagon searched his brain for a word to use. "...Granola!" he shouted out desperately.

As granola began to rain from the sky, Discord shook his head sadly. "And now you lose."

"What do you mean?" Dagon demanded angrily.

"Because I can use a valid word that I can exist without, but you can't," he allowed simply. As Dagon's eyes widened in shock and fear, Discord barked out, "AURBIS!"

When reality returned a minute later with the end of the game, Discord accepted Mehrunus Dagon's sincere - if disgruntled - oath of fealty.

Discord stared across the table at Mephala as she glared at him in hatred. "So...that's the game you've chosen to accept?"

Mephala snarled angrily, but subsided. "Yes...of the three you've suggested, that's one I will...accept."

Discord chuckled. "Alright. As agreed, you have one hour to succeed." As he spoke, Vaermina moved up to stand beside him. "See if you can show me something Vaermina hasn't."

Mephala chuckled darkly. "Shouldn't be too hard-"

"I asked Sanguine for pointers on how to keep things fresh," Vaermina interrupted, enjoying the sight of Mephala paling.

"Time's started, Mephala," Discord spoke up. "You reign over lies, sex, murder, secrets, and plots. Surely you can be creative." His eyes narrowed. "What are you waiting for? Seduce me!"

One humiliating hour later, Mephala had regretfully sworn fealty to Discord, and Vaermina gave Sanguine a Hood of Dreamweave which would let him peer into mortals' dreams to observe their most debaucherous fantasies as payment for his tutelage.

Molag Bal stared at the board in disbelief. It had been going so well. Discord had offered a game that was all about conquest, which seemed right up Bal's alley. The cards and dice had seemed constantly in his favor, and he'd conquered most of the board before too long, with Discord letting him roam free. It seemed it was all coming to an end as Discord seemed trapped in one corner of the board, gaining a pittance of forces each turn as Bal amassed a seemingly unstoppable horde.

Then Discord had begun flipping that coin each time he rolled his dice. Molag Bal then watched in disbelief as his troops were eaten away to nothing, leaving him - after his overconfidence - with only one troop in each territory. Discord had then let him build again the next turn, only to meet the same fate. And the next. And the next.

And then Discord had moved. Dividing his forces, he swept from his corner across the entire board, devouring the world chunk by chunk until Bal's last troop was wiped out, leaving him beaten. "It's...it's impossible..." he groaned disbelievingly.

Discord chuckled softly. "What did you expect...from a game called Risk?"

Challenges III

Namira snarled across the table at Discord as her turn came. The game that had been chosen - given her own field of Darkness and Shadow - was terror, with each seeking to create something that would terrify the other. Each would have only one attempt, and Boethiah would judge whose reaction was stronger. With her specialty with the undead and cannibals, Namira had chosen to strike as close to Discord's heart as possible...by conjuring a zombie Vaermina attempting to devour him. Discord's only response had been 'Kinky!' She was now waiting for Discord's entry. However, she doubted he could make anything that could terrify her.

"Here it is!" he said finally as he plucked a book out of the ether. "Vaermina and I came across these on one of our dates. Fascinating, really. I think you'll enjoy them." With a grin, he handed over the book. "Give it a read. If you can make it through half the stories in here, I'll call it a draw, and we'll try again."

Namira tilted her head in confusion as she examined the book. It had no author on the front, and the cover was completely black, save the title written in blood red. Creepypasta. Curiously, she opened the tome.

Before long, Meridia of all Daedra was trying to coax her out of the fetal position, the book sitting open only a quarter of the way through. Discord 'tsk'ed sadly. "Didn't even make it to the 70s..."

Much to Boethiah's surprise, before his challenge was accepted, those Daedra who had not yet challenged Discord - the ones who were plainly on his side to begin with - had all sworn fealty to him, making Boethiah's challenge a 'winner take all' match. As such, Discord had decided to change things up completely.

Set up on the table was a massive gameboard to something Discord called Ogres & Oubliettes, which he explained was a pretend world that acted as a reflection of Aurbis - or whatever world it was played in - and they would determine the outcome of the challenge in a single campaign. Boethiah and all those who'd willingly sworn fealty to Discord were playing as players with their own Characters drawn up, while Discord sat as Game Master. The explanation of the game was quite simple. Boethiah's goal was to defeat the final boss of the campaign. He could do this either by himself, or by convincing the other players' characters - in character - to aid him. If he succeeded, he won the game...but only if he delivered the final blow.

Boethiah had at first gone with his strengths, trying to gently twist the game and other player characters around to his way of thinking to help him win...but he'd come across something in the 'source books' Discord had provided that gave him a completely different way to win. All it took was a pledge to some in-game entity spoken in and out of character, and he'd get a new class that had supremely effective abilities that fit his play style - as he'd developed it - to a T. Eager to do so, he played through the game to the proper place and spoke the pledge. ".gniklan reteymsa, ssend amdnas oahc foec nirp, droc sidotyt laeflan retera ewsyb erehi"

With the oath spoken, the game really picked up pace. For a time, Boethiah even lost sight of the fact he was trying to win the crown of Daedra King with this. He had come to love the game itself. He made a mental note to play it again sometime.

At long last, he and the others faced off against the final boss of the several week - relatively speaking - long campaign, and it was his character that delivered the final blow. With a wide grin, he sat back to hear the accolades.

Smiling, Discord proceeded to read out the loot and awards that everyone had gained for their performance. Boethiah was chuckling to himself until he heard one particular sentence.

"-and with Boethiah's oath, I win the crown-"

"What oath?" Boethiah demanded angrily. "I never swore an oath!"

Discord grinned widely. "I told you...the world we played in was a reflection of Aurbis." He snapped his claws and handed Boethiah a mirror. "Take a look at that 'pledge' of yours for your class upgrade, and how it reflects on us."

Confused, Boethiah looked at the reflection.

"I hereby swear eternal fealty to Discord, Prince of Chaos and Madness, as my Eternal King."

Boethiah blinked several times, then rounded on Discord. "You tricked me!"

"You mean...I deceived you?" Discord corrected playfully. As Boethiah's eyes widened, Discord chuckled. "That's what all these games were all about." He gestured to each Prince as he described the challenges. "I out-knowledged Hermaeus Mora. I out-destroyed Mehrunus Dagon. I out-sexed Mephala-"

"I think I did that," Vaermina purred teasingly.

"But you were always loyal to me, dearest," Discord purred back. He then continued around. "I out-conquered Molag Bal. I out-darked Namira. And I out-deceived you, Boethiah. In each game with those who weren't sworn to me out of loyalty, I showed that you should be sworn to me because, even in your own domains..."

"Anything we can do, you can do better?" Boethiah offered ruefully, grinning despite the upset.

"Precisely!" Discord proclaimed as the air warped around his head, and a crown forged of metal that was the color of magic - a color that did not exist on any rainbow known to Aurbis, but known to certain other worlds - took shape, hovering ever so slightly over Discord's head as it rotated between his horn and antler. The crown had 16 gems in it, each gem with a fragment of power from one of the other Princes, binding them to their new King. "And now...a new era begins..."

Let the Games Begin

Discord chuckled softly as he watched the various ponies deal with the things he'd unleashed across the land as his way of letting them know he'd returned. As he did, he carefully watched the six ponies who showed signs of using the Elements recently, knowing they'd be the ones sent against him...though he already had a plan to change that up. But first, he wanted to get to know them a little by seeing how they dealt with his unexpected.

Up in the sky, the wielder of Loyalty - Rainbow Dash - was pitted against the cotton candy clouds that rained chocolate milk. Her reaction proved...disappointing. Seriously, charging in to try and break up the clouds without even noticing that they were a different color? And once stuck, she had no way of freeing herself. He could only shake his head in resignation. Headstrong, and little else. He'd have to give some thought about how to have fun with her, though if she liked a fight that much, Dagon could use the exercise...

Applejack - the wielder of Honesty - was pitted against her farm going out of control. Corn popping in the fields, apples growing gigantic, animals mutating to devour the crops...her reaction showed more promise. She first got her family under shelter, then began searching for some aspect of the mess she could control, and started reigning things in bit by bit as best she could. It was a futile exercise, but at least it showed some critical thinking skills. Discord wondered how Miss Honesty would handle Boethiah...

In the center of the small town, Discord had unleashed a giant crab - specifically, the one who'd been body swapped as a result of the first wish Discord had granted - to start wrecking things, specifically pointing it towards the building where the wielder of Generosity - Rarity - lived. It had charged in, fruitfully trying to grab clothes it could wear (apparently it retained the human sense of modesty). Of course, this resulted in destroying many of the outfits and terrifying Rarity's little sister, leading to...

...Rarity donning a yellow jumpsuit and attacking the crab with levitating swords? Discord revised his opinion of the prissy one. Maybe she could be fun after all. Hircine could be fun...

The wielder of Laughter - Pinkie Pie - took one look at the raining chocolate, hailing cheese, and snowing whipped cream (Vaermina had come to enjoy whipped cream in many ways, leading to Discord finding multiple ways to provide it) and...put on a bib. She then began to swim in the puddles, guzzling the milk and chomping the cheese and cream like it was the world's biggest party. Discord knew Sanguine was the only one who could handle her...and they'd both love every minute of it.

He then turned to the wielder of Kindness, Fluttershy. Given she surrounded herself with animals, he'd decided to see how she handled some truly terrifying creatures, and unleashed a few - no more than a dozen - servant Daedra in the area. Looking over, he searched for signs of the destruction they would cause...and found a tea party. Remembering his own such events when he was younger, he knew Jyggorath would enjoy this one.

He then turned to the wielder of Magic - Twilight Sparkle - as she stepped out of a library and tried to brute force reverse his enchantments. He then laughed to himself as he heard her complain about her fail-safe spell failing. He wondered which little librarian would come out on top? And her assistant, a dragon among ponies...looked like Malacath could participate, too...

He then flowed back towards Canterlot as he saw them responding to a summons there. It was time for his grand entrance.

Discord watched and listened in silence as Celestia explained his story here. It was rather interesting to hear her perspective, and even more amusing to see her face fall off in response to finding the Elements gone.

And then she said it. "But this doesn't make sense!"

He knew he'd get no better cue than that. With a wicked chuckle, he spoke to them all. "Make sense? Aw, what fun is there in making sense?"

"Discord!" Celestia snarled, getting into a defensive stance. "Show yourself!"

Chuckling, he chose to inhabit the stained glass image of himself. "Did you miss me Celestia?" As he inhabited it, he began to flow along the windows. "I missed you." He smiled as he waited for her response.

"What have you done with the Elements of Harmony?" Celestia demanded irritably.

"Oh, I just borrowed them for a little while," he teased, making them vanish from one of the stained glass windows to make his point.

"You'll never get away with this!" Celestia hissed fiercely.

"So grim, Celestia...you really should get that stick out of your plot." Deciding to be cheeky, he made himself appear amongst them and pulled his staff of office - the Mad Psijic - out from under Celestia's tail. "You'll never get ahead in this game if you don't know how to have fun." He quickly took stock of everyone's reactions to what he'd just done. Celestia looked absolutely mortified, as did Twilight. Rarity had fainted dramatically. Fluttershy was bright red. Applejack looked torn between offense and amusement. Rainbow Dash was trying not to laugh, as was Luna off behind that pillar where she apparently had been preparing a sneak attack. Pinkie Pie...wasn't bothering to hide her amusement at all as she rolled back and forth on the carpet laughing her tail off. "See?" Discord pointed out as he picked up the discarded tail and gave it back to its owner. "She certainly knows how to have fun!"

"Thank you!" Pinkie called out eagerly as she reattached her tail, making the others give her odd looks.

"But we really should have all the players present to hear the rules," Discord continued, snapping his talons.

In a flash of light, Luna and Spike appeared amongst the gathered ponies. Spike let out a scream of fear and hid behind Twilight, while Luna took a battle stance.

"Leave my sister out of this!" Celestia roared, her mane billowing upward as she focused her magic.

"Why? She was involved last time," Discord pointed out bluntly. "Besides, it's not like I'm asking anything too strenuous." He waved his staff.

Nine gateways appeared, one in front of each pony and dragon, coded specifically to their energy.

"You want your Elements back. You can't beat me without them. I'll let you find them." He grinned widely. "Through those gates are the realms of nine of my most powerful subjects. Find them, face them, and gain the Elements from them."

"But there are only six Elements!" Twilight called out. "There's three extra!"

"Oh, someone here knows basic math!" Discord cackled. "Your Elements have been disguised. Your quests in the realms of my subjects will lead you to nine artifacts. Once you have those artifacts, they'll lead you back to my Realm, and I'll tell you more there. Of course, there's only one more rule to this game."

He lifted his staff, and the world outside the castle seemed to vanish. "Either everyone plays...or the game is over." Lowering his staff, the world came back. "So are we in? Or would you rather leave the world as is, with me unstoppably at the reigns?"

Before anyone else could speak up, Pinkie voiced her opinion. "Girls! Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain! Chocolate rain!"

Discord chuckled eagerly. "Oh, you are such a treat..."

As he expected, it wasn't long before the ponies and dragon stepped through their individual portals. The games had begun.

Author's Note

And yes, the next nine chapters will be the Mane 6, Spike, Celestia, and Luna questing separately to get an artifact from various Daedric Princes...and order will be determined by a vote.

Celestia - Meridia
Luna - Vaermina
Twilight - Hermaeus Mora
Spike - Malacath
Rarity - Hircine
Rainbow - Mehrunus Dagon
Applejack - Boethiah
Pinkie Pie - Sanguine
Fluttershy - Jyggorath (Note, this one will be last.)

As for the order of the other eight...vote away which you'd like to see first.

Knowledge is Power

As Twilight stepped through the portal, she looked around to take in her surroundings, only to yelp and leap forward as the portal nearly closed on her tail. "Eeyikes!" she murmured worriedly as she checked for lost tail hairs. "So much for going back to check with the girls...or check on Spike..." As she turned to look around once more, her eyes widened as all thoughts of her friends left her mind.

Black towers stood stark in bright green light, arrayed all across the realm in complex patterns, connected here and there by paths of magic. No sun nor moon shone, the light coming from the sky itself and the sea below and between the towers. And covering the walls of the tower she stood atop - and all towers she could make out details on - were uncountable thousands of books, scrolls, and lorestones.

Her delighted shriek echoed over the entire realm. "Oh my gosh, look at them all! There must be knowledge beyond counting in this place! I could spend decades, no eons, just trying to find my way around here, let alone learning everything recorded here! This is some sort of paradise! Oh, where should I start? Should I just grab a book and start reading? No, I need to be methodical. One tower at a time, top to bottom and clockwise? But all those stairs! I need to find the card catalog first! Or-

"Perhaps start by asking the head librarian," a disgruntled voice growled from behind and above her.

With a startled but suppressed yelp, Twilight leapt into the air and spun around. She found herself facing a floating creature that was a mass of shadows, eyes, and tentacles...and several of the eyes were looking at her with disdain. "S-sorry for the noise," Twilight squeaked out quietly. "It's just...so many books!"

The figure sighed theatrically. "Yes indeed. Quite the point of pride for me." The figure swept forward.

"I...there must be millions!" Twilight squeaked out.

"123,456,789,0AB to be exact," the figure explained.

"Zero-A-B?" Twilight repeated. "So that's a minimum of base 12..." Her face screwed up in concentration.

"Base 25, actually," the shape corrected. "Much more efficient once you get to these volumes-"

"But that's more than two and a half quadrillion books!" Twilight squeaked out in surprise. "2,587,007,151,703,386 to be exact!" She began to hyperventilate from excitement.

The figure turned a couple more eyes her way. "Quite the quick mental calculation you made there," it observed idly. "You might actually be worth talking to for a few minutes after all." The shape turned so the majority of its eyes were pointing in her general direction, giving the impression of facing her. "Hermaeus Mora, Daedric Prince of Knowledge. Now who are you, what are you doing in my realm, and am I wasting my time? Seriously, with the 'Oblivion Crisis' falling through, I have so much reorganizing to do, and quite a bit of the predictive libraries will have to be shifted into historical fiction if not completely scrapped. And of course that's his fault, not that I can do anything about that anymore, and why haven't you answered my questions yet?"

Twilight jumped back in response to that snarled demand. "I-i-i'm Twilight Sparkle!" she stammered quickly. "Discord said I had to find an artifact-"

"Oh, of course it's him!" Mora snarled as his tendrils writhed angrily. "He thinks just because he's Daedric King now he can tell us to drop everything for one of his games! Of course, he can...but that's still no excuse! Does he have any idea how much work I have to do here? In addition to all the reshelving, I need to make several new towers to hold the knowledge that will be coming in from all those other worlds he's letting us look into!" The writhing became less frenzied and more...unsavory. "So much delicious knowledge..."

"So...he's been good for you overall, then?" Twilight asked carefully. "I mean, that 'Oblivion Crisis' thing...wars aren't really good for librarians, are they? Or libraries for that matter. No time to read if you have to dash out to fix something, or constantly getting interrupted..."

"Yes, I suppose you have a point there..." Mora admitted ruefully.

"And all those new books coming in!" Twilight crowed eagerly. "I mean, I can't imagine having time to read all these as they are, but I get the feeling you're some sort of ageless eternal being who's been around for a long time, so you probably have-"

"Collated them all myself," Mora confirmed. "Even constructed most of them after personally harvesting the information."

"So new books must be wonderful for you!" Twilight insisted. "Finally, something new to read!"

"Yes, I suppose you're right there," Mora allowed reluctantly. "As frustrating as it is to admit, I suppose Discord's changes have...overall been an improvement." All eyes locked on Twilight. "But if you tell him I said that, I will make you regret it. I have an entire tower dedicated to torture methods, both physical and mental, including ways to keep the victim alive through it."

Twilight let out a startled meep. "D-duly noted..." She paused as she noticed a small cabinet - small enough she could easily clutch it in her forelegs - that she hadn't seen before glowing. "What's that?"

Hermaeus Mora turned. "What? Why is my card catalog...why that bastard!"

"Huh?" Twilight inquired curiously.

"This is the artifact that Discord sent you to find for this 'game' of his, and the conditions for its revelation and acquisition was getting me to admit his reign has been an improvement!"Mora snarled angrily. "Well, too bad! This Card Catalog lets anyone who holds it remotely access all the properly sorted knowledge in my Realm, and that Knowledge is mine! I'm not sharing!"

"What?!" Twilight demanded angrily, her eyes going hard. "But that's not what a library is for! A library is for sharing knowledge freely with anyone who seeks it!"

"Well too bad!" Mora snapped back. "My realm, my rules, and I say membership only, and I'm not giving out membership cards willy-nilly!"

"I won't stand for it!" Twilight roared in fury. "If it's your realm and rules...then I challenge you for this Realm and that card catalog!"

Hermaeus Mora burst into laughter. "You? Challenge me? I'd like to see you try. Test your mettle against-"

Twilight's eyes glowed white, her mane and tail bursting into flame as her coat turned white from the sheer amount of magic she was releasing.

"...oh, wait...you're from Discord's world..." Mora murmured softly. "That means you don't use magicka...oh bugger..."

A massive explosion rocked the entirety of Apocrypha.

Twilight giggled like a filly as her new crown sat crooked on her brow, the precious card catalog clutched in all four legs like a favorite plushy. Hermaeus Mora sighed as he crawled out of the crater he'd been blasted into. "Well, can't win them all. Should have expected this after Discord. Cursed Cranko..." He floated back into the air. "Guess I'm out of a job, then."

"Not really," Twilight corrected. "I mean, I'm still mortal. I wouldn't have time to read half these books, let alone organize them. I need you to do that for me, especially since I'm likely going to be busy in Equestria."

"So...Assistant Librarian, then?" Mora groaned. "Well, better than nothing. At least I'm number two."

"Four, actually," Twilight corrected again. "You'd be number three assistant."

"Number three?" Mora demanded angrily. "Who would you rank above me, Hermaeus Mora, Daedric Prince...well, former Daedric Prince of Knowledge?"

"Well, Spike's been with me forever, and I couldn't displace that little dragon for anything-"

"Dragon?" Mora interrupted. "Well, yes, I'm not about to step on a dragon's toes...especially not one that doesn't need magicka. I'm arrogant, not suicidal."

"And then there's Owlowiscious, my nocturnal assistant," Twilight concluded. "He's number two. Flew in one night to catch a scroll that blew away."

"An...an owl?" Mora demanded. When Twilight nodded, he exploded in fury. "I'm subordinate to a fucking owl?"

Twilight giggled and blew Hermaeus Mora a raspberry as a portal opened, sucking her into the Shivering Isles.

Hermaeus Mora lifted his tendrils skyward. "CURSE YOU TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" he howled to the uncaring heavens.

Author's Note

Before writing this chapter, I was marathoning episodes of "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command" with friends on Watch2Gether. As a result, in my head Hermaeus Mora wound up with the voice of Evil Emperor Zurg.

That's right. This guy.

...I'm not apologizing.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

Luna glanced around cautiously as she carefully made her way through the Realm she found herself entering. With the way the material of the realm was constantly shifting like clouds in moonlight, and how the sky undulated like a starry river, she thought at first she was in the dream realm. However, a few things quickly indicated to her that she was actually only somewhere very similar. First, the entire area was much darker, not unlike the shadows she cast in the dream realm when she was Nightmare Moon. Second, creatures wandered, though their nature escaped her capacity to examine beyond recognizing them as distinct from the undulations of scenery. And third, she could feel her physical body. While entering the dream realm physically was possible, it required a supreme effort of magic on her part, leaving her with very little magic to combat anything she encountered there. Here, however, not only was she most definitely physically present, she could swear she could feel more magic than normal at her disposal, even if some of it felt distinctly different than normal, as though drawing from a different source.

However, she didn't have long to consider her surroundings. The Realm shifted in response to her walk, and she found herself in a calm glade, the endless shifting of the environment growing less and less pronounced until it stilled completely at the center. There, a woman wrapped in shadows sat in a rocking chair, allowing herself to rock back and forth, that rocking being the only noise in the entire realm that was in no way distorted by the shifting environment. Looking at the woman, Luna was surprised that she felt an instinctive sense of kinship with her, though couldn't for the life of her understand why. As she stepped into the calm glade, the woman turned towards her. "So you are the Night Princess Discord sent for me to 'play with'," she greeted calmly. "I am Vaermina, Daedric Prince of Dreams and Nightmares. What name are you known by?"

Luna felt her body relax. Not only did she now have an explanation as to why she felt instinctive kinship with the woman - their powers apparently shared a magical realm - something about the woman's voice was inherently relaxing for her. "I am Luna...Princess of the Night and Dreams. Pray tell, what is your relation to Discord, that you speak of him so familiarly?"

"I'm his mate," Vaermina replied simply as she continued to rock. "Sit, please."

Luna found herself taking a seat beside the woman without even thinking about it. "He seems quite...different from last time I encountered him," Luna observed carefully. "Might you have something to do with that?"

"I'd say his Father has more to do with it," Vaermina observed idly.

"...Discord has a father?" Luna asked in shock.

"Indeed," Vaermina confirmed. "Though it's debatable who changed more from the association...though both changed for the better, it seems."

Luna shifted nervously. "Is there...a reason the realm is so..."

"Dark and Nightmarish?" Vaermina interpreted. "From the feel of your magic, you are averse to your own connection to the darker side of dreams."

Luna glanced away. "I do not like remembering that part of myself..." she admitted finally. "I did...horrible things..."

"What were the consequences of those actions?" Vaermina asked pointedly.

"Admittedly, minor," Luna admitted. "My sister was able to act to remove me from the situation and minimize the damage I would have done when it happened, and young Twilight and her friends were able to bring me back to my senses to keep me from repeating the mistake. The only true loss...was a thousand years of my homeland I will never get back, and a legacy of terror attached to my name...and subjects I struggle to reconnect with."

"That certainly sounds like something worth creating a Tulpa specifically designed to torture you every night over," Vaermina observed dryly. When Luna's head jerked up in shock, the woman's eyes glowed beneath the shadows. "Part of my intimate understanding of Nightmares means I can see both the brightest and darkest aspects of the psyche of any I talk to. Don't you think you're being a tad bit overdramatic with this?"

"But how will I be sure I won't make the same mistake again-" Luna found her words cut off as Vaermina's eyes glowed brighter.

"Trust that I know my own Realm," Vaermina hissed out, her voice taking on a deep echo of power. "To relive the darkness overtaking you over and over does nothing but court madness, and drive the creature you have created to try harder for the same results as you become desensitized. If you want to learn from the mistake to not repeat it, turn back to the events leading to the decision, find the first domino, and work with those you care for and who care for you to ensure it does not fall anew. Now...where did it first go wrong?"

As the glow and echo faded, Luna caught her breath. She was beginning to realize the power of the being she was speaking to. "Well...our subjects loved sister's day and frolicked in it, but slept through my night. I put so much effort into the moon and stars, but..."

"Social change doesn't come easy," Vaermina stated flatly. "What next?"

"When I tried to speak with sister to find a solution...it..." Luna looked away, unsure how to explain.

"Communication failed, and you were left feeling like no one could understand what you were going through, and so you decided to try and make them understand, and make them love and respect you as they did your sister," Vaermina concluded.

Luna winced softly. "Yes...that is about the size...of..." She flinched back as she felt Vaermina's gaze boring into her.

"So failing to communicate your problems to your sister last time created the present issue...so you think the proper solution is to not even try talking to her about what you're going through?" Vaermina demanded coldly.

Luna blinked several times. "...perhaps there is a reason Sister is the one known for sound judgement and fair-mindedness?" she offered pathetically. As the intense gaze diminished, Luna straightened herself. "When the current crisis ends...I shall bespeak my sister regarding my ongoing sense of guilt-"

"And the Tulpa you made," Vaermina insisted firmly.

Luna sighed sadly, then nodded. She then turned to Vaermina. "Prithee, was it Discord's purpose in sending me here to have me undergo therapy?" she asked sardonically.

"No, he intended for us to have a dramatic battle of Night versus Night, Dream and Nightmare, ending in a climactic clash of powers, possibly leading into an intense make out," Vaermina explained, making Luna blush brightly. "Either that or he intended us to settle this over a game of checkers...or maybe he did expect this to happen. I've seen the entirety of Discord's essence - mind, body, heart, soul - and I still have no clue what makes him tick." Though her face was not visible, there was a sense that Vaermina was smiling. "That's probably part of the reason we're still together all this time." She lowered her gaze, her hand gliding over her abdomen. "And the reason why I won't be using my powers recklessly for the first possibility, though I haven't had a chance to tell him about that yet. Then again, I didn't know it was even possible...but then, he is CHiM..."

Luna smiled beatifically. Even if she didn't understand most of what Vaermina was saying, she easily recognized the overall stance...and she adored foals, whatever species. A soft sigh escaped her. "I admit, I believe I am feeling rather left out now. Sister and the others are probably experiencing something along the lines of climactic battles or exciting adventures...yet I get therapy."

"It's what you needed," Vaermina replied. "But if you really want a Nightmare Battle, I could make that happen." The shifting terrain around them rose slowly, forming walls and corridors with peeling paint and no windows. Dim bulbs barely illuminated the corridors, and the sounds of fabric garbed metal feet trumped back and forth.

Luna's eyes lit up eagerly. She recognized the layout from the Nightmares of far too many foals lately, one caused by a particular game. She'd had trouble banishing those nightmares because of the strength of the foals' fear...but here? "Oh, I'm going to enjoy this," she purred as she shaped a crescent scythe out of her magic. "I'm coming for you, Freddy..." With a wicked cackle, she charged into the halls.

Vaermina smiled to herself as she watched. She knew the artifact Luna had to collect was the Skull of Corruption, and she'd hidden it as the skull of one of the creatures Luna now hunted. She'd find it...eventually.

Double Sun Power

Celestia blinked at her surroundings as the portal closed behind her. As best as she could describe it, she stood atop an asteroid floating within a nebula, with other asteroids visible in the distance connected by roads of starlight. Light seemed to shine from everywhere, and energy flowed freely within the entire Realm. She found herself spreading her wings, letting the currents of energy flow under them and between her feathers, as though the winds could carry her into the sky without effort on her part. To her surprise, she found herself gently lifting off, soaring through the incredible Realm by pure will. When her surprise caused her will to falter, she felt herself starting to fall, but she quickly regained her focus. As her flight stabilized, she pushed herself along by will from one floating spheroid of stone to another, gently exploring.

She quickly found that there was very little to distinguish any one floating stone from another beyond size. Some were small enough to catch between her hooves, while some were large enough to have cave systems she could glide through. Some had plants, some did not, but it was at best generic scrub, with no visual interest and less nutritional value. However, when she turned her gaze to the sky itself...she found herself breathless.

During the time she had ruled alone, she had on occasion slowed the setting of the sun so that the colors of sunset could stain the night sky, dancing amongst the stars as the moon rose. It had been her intention to try and create a night sky as beautiful as Luna could using her own medium, as an apology for being blind to Luna's plight by showing she had been watching. But the dance of pinks, greens, blues, and twinkling points of light here made those efforts - which had been akin to the Northern Lights that had once shimmered over the lost Crystal Empire - look like the hoofpainting of a foal that parents hung on the coldbox. She hovered there, staring in awe as she took in the majesty of it all.

"This is what happens when nature is left to its own devices," a calm voice spoke up behind her. "Forces uncontrolled create tapestries no imagination - mortal or otherwise - could conceive of."

Celestia turned to the voice, and saw golden light slowly coalescing before her into the shape of a golden humanoid woman, garbed in a regal gown of ancient design, features sculpted yet delicate, and with an odd motherly look to her face. "Welcome to my Realm, Princess Celestia," the woman greeted. "I am Meridia, Prince of Life and Infinite Energies."

Celestia instinctively bowed, knowing she was in the presence of one eons more ancient than herself. "I'm honored by this reception," she greeted warmly. "I must say, given how I arrived, I wasn't expecting..." She glanced around again, once more stunned by the beauty.

"My boy is quite a handful, isn't he?" Meridia allowed. "Even more so since he became King, instead of just Heir to a Prince."

Celestia blinked in surprise. "You are...his mother?"

"Well, I mothered him," Meridia corrected. "He was such an adorable tyke when he first arrived. I'd never seen life quite like him. Of course, Nocturnal would have it I grandmothered him..."

Celestia suppressed a giggle. She remembered times before Luna's fall began when she and her sister had competed over spoiling a particular favored foal who had caught their eye. ...they'd probably ruined the line of Platinum with their antics, if Blueblood was anything to judge... She quickly pulled her mind away from what was certain to become maudlin meanderings. "Discord said there was an...artifact I had to acquire here. One which might contain one of the Elements of Harmony?"

Meridia nodded. "Yes. His game this time. He wanted to involve as many of us as possible...but Vaermina, Azura, Nocturnal, and I strongly vetoed him involving anyone considered underage by your world's standards, with exception for those magically strong enough to thrive in our realms. He would have ignored myself, Azura, and Nocturnal...but Vaermina is his mate. She has her own ways of getting him to listen, her King or no."

"What sort of female could tame Discord?" Celestia marveled curiously.

"The Prince of Dreams and Nightmares," Meridia explained.

"...so that's why he was so insistent on involving Luna..." Celestia murmured softly, biting her lower lip in concern. Nightmare Moon was still a fresh wound in her sister's psyche, no matter how much the younger alicorn claimed she was fine now. Celestia desperately wanted to be there for her...but didn't want to risk pushing her away by pushing too hard.

"You needn't worry too much," Meridia offered comfortingly. "Vaermina is probably the wisest of us all, having the most insight into the way the mind - mortal or otherwise - works. She's also the gentlest of us unless provoked."

Celestia nodded. "Still, I hope you'll forgive me if I show unseemly haste when it comes to completing this part of the endeavor. Luna is...very dear to me. To have her involved in this again, so soon after..." She bit her lip to silence her rambling tongue.

"Quite alright," Meridia agreed. "Tell me, as Princess of the Sun...have you ever been forced to deal with the scourge of unlife?"

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Zombies, ghouls, vampires, necromancers, liches, or blighted?"

Meridia grinned warmly. "You seem quite experienced in dealing with such creatures."

"Vampires I find can be reasoned with, and necromancers intimidated into compliance," Celestia explained. "As for those that can't, and the rest..." Reaching into her magic, she pulled out a massive morning star that glowed with a golden light, the spiked ball at the end of the chain made of crystalized sunfire. "I find this an effective deterrent."

Meridia's grin widened. "Quite an effective weapon you have there. What do you call it?"

"The Sun Scourge," Celestia answered. "Not entirely accurate - it's a morning star, not a whip - but I was in an alliterative mood when I crafted it."

"Impressive," Meridia praised. Reaching into the ether, she drew out a wide bladed golden sword with a metal circle where blade met hilt, containing within it a yellow star that pulsed endlessly. "I enjoy my Dawnbreaker myself."

Celestia stared at the weapon in awe. "It's beautiful..."

"It's much better in action," Meridia promised. "Shall we see which is more effective against the undead blight?"

Celestia grinned, finding herself eager to put herself through her paces again after so long. "You know where to find a ready supply?"

Meridia's answering grin was vicious.

Namira stared out over the Scuttling Void at the scattered burning chunks of undead flesh of various sorts. Clenching her fists in rage, she screamed out, "Discord dammit, Meridia-"

"He won't!" Meridia sniped back.

"-I just finished making those!" Namira finished. "Why did you even do this, anyway? You were supposed to fight her!"

"One, I don't like you," Meridia stated bluntly. "Two, she needed to vent. Three..." She gestured into the distance.

The Draugr Deathlord - five times normal size - let out a guttural roar as it charged, the other Draugr surrounding it - scaling from normal size to its size - charged with it. Celestia stood there, her mane and tail literally aflame as her eyes glowed with her magic. Letting off a whinnying battle cry that hadn't been heard since the Unification Era, she lunged to meet the charge, the blaze of the Sun Scourge spinning over her head in a fiery halo that glowed brighter than the sun, even its light making the Draugr flinch back.

"I had an excess of popcorn to work through after Discord's last game night," Meridia concluded, popping a few kernels into her mouth. "Want some?"

Namira glowered angrily at Meridia for a time...then sighed and sat beside her. "Gimme." Grabbing a handful, she began to munch.

Author's Note

When I saw what the 'Colored Rooms' (Meridia's Realm) looked like, I found "Lullaby for a Princess" set the perfect musical tone for the chapter...and the lyrics gave the chapter its own twist.

The Outsiders

Spike shivered as he stared around at the cold wind, falling ash, and white mountains surrounding him as the portal closed behind him. "Okay, Spike," he murmured to himself. "You can do this. Discord dragged you into this game of his...so Twilight, Rarity, and the others are counting on you to do your part. You can win! You feel great! You! Can! Do-"

An echoing howl cascaded over the white landscape.

"I want my mommy!" Spike yelled out in terror, diving forward and burying himself under the nearest pile of ash, shivering in fear.

He remained there in hiding for a while before getting ahold of himself. "N-no," he stammered softly. "I...I can't just hide and hope someone rescues me. Discord said...if everyone doesn't play, we lose. I...I have to stand on my own two feet." Carefully, he pushed himself up, shaking the ash off his body. Gritting his teeth, he took a few steps forward.

A sudden battle cry startled him into falling back onto his tail as a spectral image of an armored figure with a full beard charged him, swinging a bronze spiked warhammer. Spike barely rolled out of the way of the first strike, only for the figure to charge again. Unsure what else to do, Spike desperately exhaled a blast of fire at the figure.

The specter vanished as the flame overwhelmed it, the warhammer falling to the ground beside Spike with a dull thud. The weapon was nearly as tall as Spike, but he knew he needed something to defend himself with. Ash had gotten into his throat when he breathed out his fire, leaving him in a coughing fit. Managing to pick the warhammer up, he used it as a cane as he slowly marched his way forward, uncertain where he was supposed to go.

The specter was not the last thing to confront Spike. Beasts made of the ash that swirled all around rose up to fight him, forcing him to defend himself. Desperately, he swung the hammer at them as they rose, and only occasionally managing to land a blow. Despite this, he pushed onward.

They're counting on me... he mentally repeated as he pushed onward. I can't let them down. Maybe I've never been able to do anything before. Maybe all I could be for Twilight before now was an assistant. Just a useless little lizard that does as much damage as help he provides...don't know why she puts up with me... As a much larger creature rose, Spike's eyes narrowed to slits. But now it all counts on me! If one of us falls, we all fail. I won't let her down! I won't let any of them down! I WILL NOT FALL! A roar ripped its way out of his throat as he leapt into the air towards the attacking monster. His hands felt hot...and suddenly his green fire surrounded the warhammer, and the flame discharged into the creature on impact, destroying it.

Spike landed heavily, breathing hard as he held the warhammer in both hands, staring ahead. Once again, he brought out a mantra to encourage himself. "I can win. I feel great. I. Can. Do. This!" With this firmly in mind, he marched resolutely forward.

He was...pretty sure he was going the right way.

Spike lost all track of time as he marched up one mountain and down the next, using the hammer he clutched to smash the monsters that rose in his path. Each time he faced a monster, it went down easier. Each time he swung the hammer, it felt more natural in his arms. Each time the fire blazed forth, it came more easily and burned brighter. As he fought through, not all monsters were featureless or spectral. Some had armor, and when he bested them he scavenged what he could for himself from them. By the time he crested the tallest mountain, he'd managed to scavenge a horned helmet, a breastplate he'd tied on, and a shield he'd hammered out to strap to his tail, both for defense and to add harder blows from there.

As he crested the last mountain, a new figure awaited him. At first sight, he thought it might be an orc from Ogres & Oubliettes. The green skin, the pointed ears, the protruding fangs, the metal armor and heavy club... However, it didn't act like an orc. As he approached, it bowed to him. Unsure what else to do, Spike bowed back.

With a howling war cry - the same one that had scared Spike when he'd first arrived - the figure charged. Spike steeled himself. He may only come a quarter of the way up the creature's torso including the horns on his helmet, but he would not back down. Letting out his own roaring battle cry, he charged in and brought his hammer up, blocking the club swing. As the creature lifted the club to strike again, Spike spun around. His armored tail slammed into the creature's knee, making it stumble. Reversing the spin, Spike slammed his warhammer into the creature's head, sending it tumbling to the ground. He then lifted his hammer, ready to finish the battle.

"Enough," a gravelly voice ordered calmly, the power in it freezing Spike in place.

The figure Spike had been fighting rubbed its head as it got to its feet. Smirking, the figure saluted Spike jocularly before marching off, leaving Spike to turn to the source of the voice.

The man that stood there bore some resemblance to the figure that had left...but he wore no armor, and a huge wound cut across his chest from his waist, raw and putrefied. "I am Malacath, Mal Dovah," he greeted calmly and respectfully. "What brings you to my Realm?"

Spike swallowed convulsively, clutching his warhammer. Despite his former bravado, every instinct in his mind and heart screamed at him that he could not defeat this being as he was. "I...Discord...I mean..."

Malacath sighed. "Ah, you come from his world, pursuant to his game," he murmured, kneeling down to be at eye level with Spike. "I saw you enter, and did not believe one so small as you could get here on your own. I've watched your progress."

Spike's eyes lowered. "Not very impressive, I know..." he muttered, letting the head of the hammer drop, holding it limply at his side.

"What makes you think that?" Malacath inquired curiously.

"Just look at me!" Spike spoke out harshly, the compulsion in Malacath's words dragging out the pain he'd long kept inside. "I'm a dragon, one of the most powerful, dangerous creatures of my world...but I'm tiny! I grew up among ponies, but no matter how hard to try to fit in, I can never be a pony! I see it in their eyes that I'm different, that no matter how hard I try I'll never quite belong. And the one other dragon I've ever met? I tried to connect, and he tried to crush me! Can't fit in among ponies, won't fit in amongst dragons..."

"An outcast in your own mind," Malacath murmured comfortingly. "No wonder Discord sent you here. But why do you feel that makes you useless?"

"Just look at me!" Spike wailed out, fire shooting from his nostrils as his anger got the better of him. "I'm just a baby dragon! I can't even act as an assistant librarian without torching books without meaning to! Twilight should have just replaced me with that owl and left it at that!" In rage and pain, he hurled the hammer from him. To his shock, it slammed into a nearby boulder and shattered it explosively.

With a wide smile, Malacath walked over to the gravel and lifted the now glowing warhammer, bringing it back to Spike. "You do not look like an infant to me, Mal Dovah," he offered calmly, holding the warhammer out to him.

Confused, Spike reached to take the warhammer, finding it much smaller than he remembered it being. "Did...did this shrink?" he asked in confusion.

Malacath chuckled softly. "No," he corrected, raising a mirror from the ashes. "It is not the weapon that has changed."

Spike stared at his reflection in shock and awe. He was easily two feet taller, nearly as tall as Princess Luna. The hammer sat lightly in his hands, his arms and legs leanly muscled, his tail thick and thrashing, his armored chest broader than before. With the helm atop his head, horns curled, he looked...

"I see a warrior who has come into his own," Malacath stated calmly. "An outsider who has fought for his place, and will fight to protect it...and those he cares for. I see one who will one day be a leader worthy of Volendrung, which has found its way into his hands."

Spike stared down at the warhammer in his hands. "Volendrung?" he asked in confusion.

"The weapon of the leader of the Rourken clan of the Dwemer," Malacath explained. "The one that guided them to their homeland. And now, it will guide you to those you care for, Mal Dovah."

To Spike's surprise, a portal opened up behind Malacath, leading to a new land. Spike let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks," he replied warmly, racing for the portal. He then paused, turning back. "And the name's Spike!" he called out before diving through.

Malacath chuckled as he turned a particular stone over and over in his hands, feeling the power it had absorbed from being so handled for so long. "I shall remember that name, Mal Dovah...Spike."

Party Hard

Author's Note

This chapter dedicated to The Fiery Joker and his Top Ten Music Battles Video, as it inspired quite a bit of this chapter.

Party Hard

As Pinkie pronked her way through the portal, she found herself in a wide cavernous space filled with streamers, confetti, balloons, and suggestive banners. She immediately felt right at home as she bounced around the creatures of various shapes drawn out of nightmares and fever dreams, eagerly waving hi and greeting them all. When intense fiddle music cut the air, she immediately made her way towards the source so she could dance.

As the song played from the stage, telling a rather interesting tale of 'the devil' and 'Johnny', Pinkie went looking for a dance partner that could keep up with her, and soon found herself dancing with a red skinned humanoid in silver armor. The symbolism escaped her, however, and instead threw herself into the dancing. To her surprise, the red man could keep up with her on the dance floor, even if most of the other dancers found themselves flattened against the nearest wall from careless hip checks. While she'd normally be concerned about sending strangers flying at a party she'd just arrived at, but the other guests seemed to applaud it, so she wasn't going to question it.

As she danced to the music, however, a frown crossed her face. When the song got to the part about the actual fiddle battle, it felt...subpar. Was that really the best they could do? "Hold on a second!" she screamed out before leaping onto the stage. Going up to the fiddle player doing the part of 'Johnny', she promptly hip checked them away before catching the fiddle and bow in her forelegs as they came down. "Let's show this crowd a performance the devil would be proud to lose to!"

Her dance partner laughed jovially. "I like your style!" he called out, lifting his hand to the other performer. 'The devil' happily tossed his fiddle and bow over to the red skinned man, who caught both easily and put bow to strings. "I'll start this show."

As the bow on the fiddle made an evil hiss, Pinkie dragged her own bow across her fiddle with an angelic hum. The two then began playing, putting their all into the music as they played around each others' performances, each trying to outdo the other while also balancing their playing against each other so the two melodies blended seamlessly. The entire audience was soon clapping along to the beet, stomping their feet/hooves/tails/pseudopods to the rhythm, cheering wildly. As the pair continued to play, Pinkie was able to shape her music to her partner/foe readily as she could sense how the music would play...until she decided to up the ante.

The music began to speed up as Pinkie increased her rhythm, and she locked eyes with the red man as she grinned from ear to ear. His answering grin was an odd combination of friendly and vicious, and he moved to keep pace in the music. The music got faster and faster, still keeping the tune, until the red man let out a yelp as his fingers began to smoke. He dropped the fiddle and blew on his fingertips, watching as the fiddle and bow he'd dropped burst into flames.

Pinkie, for her part, continued her own music, slowly winding down as she played the music for the whole song one last time as she danced around the stage for a victory lap to the cheers of all watching. As a final flourish, she flipped the fiddle against the bow and launched it through the air before dashing across the room, setting an apple on the red man's head for the fiddle to pluck off like an arrow as it flew, pinning it against the far wall.

The red man laughed gaily as he eagerly applauded. "Bravo, young one! Bravo! You sure do know your way around a fiddle!"

"Actually, I never played one before!" Pinkie offered with a smile. "Personally, I prefer playing One Mare Band."

"Oh?" the red man asked curiously. "How does that work?"

Grinning from ear to ear, Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out all the instruments she used to lead the Parasprites out of Ponyville. She then proceeded to play her instruments to demonstrate what she meant. Quickly catching on, the red man pulled out his own set of different instruments, and the game of musical one upsmanship continued as more and more instruments were pulled out of nowhere and expertly played until the volume of instruments overflowed the cavern.

Pinkie gasped for breath as she lay atop the massive pile of instruments, the red man laughing at her side. Grinning, she hopped to her hooves. "I'm Pinkie Pie! What's your name?"

The red man chuckled softly. "I am Sanguine, Daedric Prince of Debauchery," he introduced himself with a bow, its grace only marred by the fact he didn't bother to take an upright position first.

Pinkie tilted her head. "Debt archery?" she asked in confusion. "I know nopony likes the tax collector, but is that really the sort of thing to make a title out of?"

Sanguine laughed to himself. "No, debauchery. The pleasurable excesses of celebration. The baser urges that sapient species suppress, but unleash at times of revelry-"

Pinkie's excited gasp interrupted Sanguine's explanation. "You're the Prince of Parties!" she proclaimed eagerly.

Snaguine blinked a few times, then chuckled. "I admit I'd never thought of it that way, as most of the 'parties' I've seen amongst mortals are the sort I'd crash to inject a good amount of debauchery into-"

"Oh, like the Grand Galloping Gala!" Pinkie interrupted again. "Yeah, that was a total snooze fest! Parties are supposed to be about fun and cutting loose, not being snooty!"

Sanguine grinned widely enough to rival Pinkie's. "I like you, Pinkie Pie."

"Neato torpedo!" Pinkie squealed happily.

At that moment, a large torpedo shot into the pile of instruments they were laying on, causing a large explosion. "Hit the deck!" Pinkie shouted, tossing some playing cards over the side.

"Should have known letting Discord shape an undefined Pleasure Pocket for me would make things a little chaotic," Sanguine muttered to himself as he stared at the shifting world.

"Well this ship isn't going down without a fight!" Pinkie proclaimed as the instruments gathered together into a destroyer, sailing in a circle in a sea of pudding against a battleship with a pie crust hull and cheesecake filling. "Fire the canons!"

Grinning, Sanguine pulled a nearby lever and bombarded the enemy ship with books, causing it to sink under the weight, crumbling into floatsam. "Now this is exciting!"

"What were you saying about Pleasure Pockets?" Pinkie asked curiously.

Sanguine chuckled before explaining. "I have different realms for different types of parties, depending on how I want to indulge. Discord made this one for me for when I didn't have any specific type of party I wanted to indulge in, or when I wanted to be a bit more random."

"Oh, I like random!" Pinkie proclaimed. "I am the Queen of Random!"

"So I've noticed," Sanguine agreed with a chuckle. "I can't think of a way this could have been more fun."

"I can!" Pinkie countered. "But I can't...hang on!" Turning, she pushed her face through-
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-and pulled her head back in as reality returned to normal. "Sweet! We're rated Teen!"

Sanguine blinked for a bit, pushing from his mind the blatant breaking of reality that made the powers of CHiM look like stage magic. "And that means...?"

"Implication is fine, just keep it off panel!" Pinkie proclaimed eagerly. Turning towards Sanguine, she lowered her head and wriggled her hindquarters...

...and then pounced.

An unknown amount of time later, Sanguine laid back with Pinkie curled up on his chest. "...I have so many questions..." he murmured softly.

Pinkie giggled somewhat drunkenly, despite not having drunk anything...alcoholic. "Take a shot fer the reference!" she proclaimed happily.

"How did you manage to get my armor off?" Sanguine demanded curiously.

"Oh, I have my ways," Pinkie purred, nuzzling Sanguine's bare chest. "Ear scratchies?"

Chuckling, Sanguine complied, lifting a hand to scratch her behind the ear. After a time, he reached into the ether and pulled out the Sanguine Rose, handing the glowing staff to the pony on top of him.

Pinkie giggled as she took it. "A single rose...Saggy, are you trying to court me?" she asked teasingly, looking up into his face and fluttering her eyelashes.

Sanguine was quite glad he lacked a true physical heart: he was certain that if he had one, it would have exploded then and there. "Absolutely," he confirmed. "The fact that Discord marked that as the artifact you needed to collect from me is a total coincidence."

"Either that or he was playing matchmaker," Pinkie offered, snuggling up again.

Sanguine smiled down at the pink pony. "...going to go join your friends?"

"Eventually," Pinkie allowed. "...can you pull some music out of my mane?"

Raising an eyebrow, Sanguine reached a hand into Pinkie's thick curls. When he pulled his hand out, music began to play. After listening for a time, he smiled, sitting back with one hand behind his head while the other continued the ear scratches.

Betrayal

Rainbow stared around at her surroundings as she glided through the portal, fanning her wings to maintain height as it closed behind her. Far below her, a sea of molten rock sprayed spouts of lava into the air on occasion, with strange creatures swimming within it. Spike towers dotted the sea, rising out of the lava as though desperately seeking to pierce the roiling clouds and escape to the crimson sky. Lightning flashed repeatedly in the distance, the thunderous booms left in their wake echoing off the towers in fell howls, mingled with the cries of the creatures desperately struggling to survive.

...on the plus side, the updrafts were seriously choice!

Rainbow glided through the landscape, spilling air every so often to keep from getting too high, while doing her best to stay high enough she didn't end up roasted. As she flew, she eventually caught sight of something different in the landscape. In the far distance, a crimson four-armed giant towered over the landscape, staring straight at her. Frowning, Rainbow made her way towards the figure, assuming this was the one she was supposed to be meeting.

As she got closer, the creature began to chuckle, an awful sound that echoed across the dead lands around them and made the very lava shiver. "So, you are the one he sent here," he stated, his voice seething with barely suppressed fury. "I am Mehrunes Dagon, and I reign here supreme!"

"Says the one doing Discord's dirty work!" Rainbow taunted, refusing to allow herself to show the fear she was feeling.

Dagon snarled angrily. "Oaths or no, the day will come when I take back that which was stolen from and denied to me," he growled, the intensity of his voice causing a nearby spike tower to crumble.

"Blah, blah, blah!" Rainbow teased, pushing every button she could to hide her own terror. "Are we gonna fight or what?"

Dagon blinked at her, then burst into wicked laughter that sent a shiver up her spine. "You, fight me? I could crush you like an insect without even trying. No, your trial here will be quite simple." He held up his two lower hands, closed tight. "In my right hand, I hold the artifact you are here for. In my left, I hold...something else. When I open my hands, you will have to choose which you seek to retrieve, for even as fast as you are you will only have time to retrieve one before my fists descend, crushing that which I hold so it can never be retrieved."

Rainbow snorted, amused. "You really think you can have anything that would make me betray my friends?" she barked out in defiance, idly gliding towards his right hand. "It was in Discord's rules. We all gotta win here, or we all lose!"

"Indeed," Dagon confirmed. "In that case, this should be a very simple choice for you." Slowly, he opened his hands.

In his right hand, something glittered in the colors of metal. But in his left, a small form in dark orange and purple cried out, "Rainbow Dash! Help!"

Rainbow went pale. She knew that voice. "Scootaloo!" she screamed out in terror. Without even thinking about it, she blurred for the left hand.

Dagon smirked as his fists came down. Before Rainbow could correct the distance she'd shifted away, both hands had come down. Scootaloo's last scream echoed in her ears. "Scoot, no!" she cried out, banging on Dagon's fist with her forelegs.

Dagon burst into laughter. "Well, well, well...betrayed your friends for the little one, and in your eagerness you betrayed her by not waiting to understand the stakes. Truly, you belong here-"

"Shut up!" Rainbow roared, shooting straight up and uppercutting Dagon on the point of his chin hard enough to snap his head back. "Give her back!" Sweeping around, she slammed hard into his eye.

With a roar of pain, Dagon brought his hand up to clutch his eye as the pressure of the blow caused it to pop like a balloon.

"Give her back!" Rainbow wailed, diving straight down and ripping through Dagon's loin armor to slam into his crotch as she passed, going dangerously close to the lava.

Dagon bent over to clutch at the fork of his legs, beginning to wonder if he'd made a mistake.

"Give her back!" Rainbow screamed shrilly, using the heat of the lava to shoot straight up, flipping Dagon end over end as she shot into the sky.

Dagon clutched at his head as he landed on his back in the magma. He paused, realizing the artifact - which hadn't been destroyed - had somehow gone missing. A thunderous boom that wasn't thunder caught his attention, dragging his eyes upward to a rainbow that was endlessly arcing outwards and tearing his sky apart. "What the-"

"GIVE! HER! BACK!" The scream cut the air like a banshee's wail, defying physics as it reached his ears long before the rainbow streak that blazed towards his skull at hypersonic speeds. With all the force of the Sonic Rainboom, Rainbow slammed Mehrunus' Razor into his own skull.

The power of the Rainboom supercharged the artifact...and Mehrunes Dagon, the Prince of Destruction, lay dead in the lava of his own domain as his own dagger claimed his soul. The shockwave of his death echoed across his realm, and the molten rock slowed, cooled, and went still.

Jerking the small dagger back out, Rainbow flapped over to Dagon's still left hands...and found nothing. "Scoot..." she whimpered softly, tears in her eyes. "Give...give her back..." She slumped down onto the now cold stone.

"So do you think Rainbow and the others will be here soon?"

Rainbow's head jerked up as she heard that voice. "S-Scoot?" Spinning towards the source, she saw a shimmering disc of light.

"Oh, I'm sure they will," Discord's voice echoed through the portal. "Don't tell the Daedra this, but I've stacked things against them in who went where. It's just so much more fun that way." Three familiar giggles followed that statement.

In desperate hope, Rainbow flapped her way into the disc of light...

Deception

As Applejack stepped through the portal, she found herself in a strange hedge maze. While she'd seen her fair share of hedge mazes - even helped grow a few - what threw her off about this one was that she couldn't see the sky despite the hedge stopping a few feet above her head and having no roof. The setup was rather unnerving. "This place gives me the creeps," she murmured under her breath. "Wish ah knew what the hay was goin' on..."

"Ask and you shall receive," a soft voice spoke from nearby.

Applejack let out a startled whinny as she leapt into the air. "Whoa nelly!" she cried out as she spun to the source of the voice, spying only an unassuming stallion in a cloak. "Who are you?" As she landed, she shifted into a fighting stance.

"I am here to act as your guide," the stallion replied. "Your trial has begun, and I am here to aid you."

Applejack snorted worriedly, but settled. "Wut trial?" she demanded pugnaciously.

"You were sent to recover something?" the stallion coached gently.

"...yeah, an artifact o' some sort," Applejack responded. "From some guy here who works fer Discord."

"The one you seek is named Boethiah," the stallion offered softly. "Boethiah has the artifact. Boethiah has created this trial for you. Follow me, and I will show you what I mean." Turning, the stallion made his way through the turns of the maze.

Applejack wasn't sure if she could trust the stallion, but she followed anyway. "What's yer name, anyway?" she demanded.

"I have had many," the stallion replied easily. "You may call me what you will."

Applejack grumbled under her breath, not liking being put off like that. However, any attempts at further conversation were forgotten as they reached a wide open space of the maze, several identical figures wandering about.

Each figure was tall and well muscled, with the exact same face and eyes. However, each was garbed differently, dressed as everything from a noble to a beggar and everything between, with a large prevalence of warriors. "W...what is this?" Applejack demanded in confusion.

"We are Boethiah, supplicant," one of the figures greeted, one dressed as a noble. "You have come for our artifact?" The figure offered a strangely configured shield.

"We are Boethiah, Mistress," one of the figures dressed as a servant offered meekly. "Have you come for our artifact, if it please you?" The figure offered a bow and arrow.

The greetings went on, with each figure claiming to be Boethiah, and each offering a different artifact. Backing up, Applejack turned to the stallion. "Ah...ah don't understand..." she murmured worriedly, her eyes darting back and forth. "W...wut am Ah supposed ta do?"

"There is only one Boethiah," the stallion explained. "Find the true Boethiah. Only the true Boethiah has the True Artifact you seek. All others are False, and will spell doom for yourself and your allies in Discord's game. You may use any means at your disposal to find the true Boethiah, but you may only take one artifact from this Realm. These are the rules, as laid down by Boethiah."

Applejack frowned. "How do ya know so much about this?" she demanded coldly.

"The rules of the game require a fair chance," the stallion responded. "Boethiah decided this was best handled by providing you with a guide to answer questions."

Applejack frowned. "So...you'll answer any questions I pose to you?"

"That is correct."

"Honestly?"

"As honestly as the trial and the will of Boethiah allows," the stallion clarified.

Applejack rubbed her head in frustration. "Just who the heck is this Boethiah guy, if he pulls horseapples like this?"

"Boethiah is the Daedric Prince of deceit, conspiracy, treachery, and sedition," the stallion explained.

Applejack sighed ruefully. "Guess that makes sense...I think." Pulling her hat off, she wiped her brow and looked around at her surroundings. "So...there gonna be anybody but these Bow-thigh fellas around?" she asked curiously.

The stallion gave a barely perceptible twitch. "All you will meet here is Boethiah," he responded.

"And where can ah find the real him?" Applejack asked, pouncing on what seemed to be the key.

"Wherever you go, you will find the True Boethiah," the stallion answered.

"What's a Daedric Prince?" Applejack asked carefully.

"Whatever they wish to be, whenever they wish to be," the stallion explained simply. "They are as gods as you might conceive them."

"Can a Daedric Prince divide its power and awareness?" Applejack instantly followed up.

The stallion hesitated.

A wide grin split Applejack's face. "Ah reckon ah just solved yer riddle...Boethiah."

"You believe me to be the True Boethiah?" the stallion inquired carefully.

"Nope!" Applejack quipped quickly. "Least, not entirely. Each o' these others referred ta themselves as 'we'. You referred ta 'Boethiah' by name always, never callin' 'em 'he', 'she', or e'en 'they'. Ya know ah'm good at spottin' lies, so you were careful never to tell one directly, e'en giving yourself a way to explain if you had to. But ya didn' answer when I asked about division." She gestured to the Boethiahs gathered around. "This whole place is the beehive called Boethiah. Each o' them are the bees, parts o' the whole. Ah need ta speak to the whole...which means ah need ta find the Queen Bee ta speak fer the hive."

The stallion was silent for a time. "You have unraveled one layer of the trial," he admitted. "But unless you find the Core Boethiah, the True Boethiah will not return."

"But ah already have," Applejack pointed out. "It's you...the one who seems most 'normal' ta me, and thus most out o' place here. The only one that acts different, when ya already said ah'll only meet Boethiah here. So you gotta be part o' Boethiah...the part not actin' like a puppet. Which means yer the part pullin' the strings."

Power swirled through the area, sucking everything to a central point, The other Boethiahs were sucked into the stallion as he slowly rose up, becoming his full self. "You are correct, on all counts," he confirmed, clapping his hands slowly together. "Discord said we should not underestimate any of you...but it seems we may all yet be guilty of that. I am Boethiah." Reaching into his robes, he pulled out a glowing gold katana. "And this is my artifact you seek, the Goldbrand. Whatever the outcome of Discord's game, it is yours now." As he released the blade, it flew over and strapped itself - sheath and all - to Applejack's back.

Applejack tipped her hat. "Pleasure meetin' ya, Boethiah. Sorry 'bout messin' up yer name earlier...but ah tweren't sure ya were you till ah saw ya twitch."

Boethiah actually smiled. "You have been an interesting opponent. Should we meet again, I won't go as easy on you."

"Looking forward to it!" Applejack called out as a portal opened up. Turning, she charged on through it with a shout of, "YEEE-HAWWW!"

Thrill of the Hunt

Rarity's face wrinkled into a disgusted frown as she stepped out of the portal and into a thick jungle. "Ugh...seriously? Is this Discord's idea of how to treat a lady?" Hearing a squelch, she stared down in chagrin as she pulled her hoof out of a pile of...well, for the sake of her sanity, she would call it 'fauna recycled dirt'. She immediately began trying to shake her hoof clean, while looking around for a clean spot to wipe off. Despite her best efforts, she found only mud, wet leaves, and the point of a bow and arrow aimed at her. As her mind registered that last bit, she brightened up. "Locals? Umm...do be a dear and point the business end of that weapon elsewhere, won't you? Perhaps you know somewhere I might freshen-YIPE!" She threw herself to the ground as she saw the string of the bow released, three arrows somehow thudding into the ground right beside her, at the exact height that would have passed through her neck had she not flung herself flat.

As the strange figure reached for more arrows, Rarity did the only sensible thing. She turned tail and ran as fast as her four legs could carry her. Privately, she was pleased to discover that said speed caught her unknown assailant by surprise if the startled curse was anything to go by. However, she made sure not to slow down until she heard no sound of pursuit. By the time she began to run out of breath, she'd lost all track of how far she had gone. Glancing down, she winced and did her best to hold her nose. As she'd feared, she'd flung herself down onto the pile she'd stepped in, and was now a filthy, bedraggled mess that stunk to high heaven. "Oh...he's going to pay for putting me through this, Discord and...whoever that was! Just...just as soon as I find somewhere to get clean! I can't even face myself like this!"

She continued at a more sedate pace, wincing at the feeling of dirt, mud, and other things clinging to her fur and dripping off her hooves. As she searched her surroundings for anything that could provide her with relief, she gasped in delight as she caught sight of a sparkle between the trees. "Oh...this is probably the first time I'll have ever said this, but don't let that sparkle be jewels!" She promptly dashed towards the sparkle, crowing in glee as the trees parted to reveal a pristine lake. Unable to stop herself, she leapt into the water, doing her best to cleanse herself of the slime and other things that clung to her from her trip through the jungle. She gasped from the shock of the cold, but quickly began to luxuriate in the sparkling water, not caring that her carefully, perfectly coiffed mane and tail were left straight out from the water. Clean most definitely took priority.

As she finally felt herself completely clean, she swam to the edge of the lake, climbed out, and proceeded to shake as much of the water from her body as she could. When a familiar sound caught her attention, she focused her magic into a small screen of light that three arrows embedded themselves in. "Oh no!" she snapped out. "That's quite enough humiliating the fabulous one, thank you very much! I just got clean, and it's going to take more than a few arrows to make me run through the jungle soaking wet just so I can get filthy again!" When silence - and no further arrows - appeared, she dropped the screen and used her magic to strip the water from her coat, mane, and tail. "Why thank you very much!" she called out politely before seizing the arrows in her magic and running for it.

After a while of running, she came to a halt in a small clearing. "Alright, Rarity," she said to herself. "Take stock. You're chilled, in a strange jungle, and something is hunting you with arrows. Your resources are your wits, your magic, and three arrows. Now, this may seem like a hopeless situation. After all, a prim and proper lady certainly would have no chance surviving in such a situation. Why, such a lady's only hope would probably being rescued from the jaws of a hungry hunting cat by some dashing jungle stallion!"

At that moment, a furious snarl echoed from behind her as a leopard leapt out of the bushes in a hunting pounce...only to receive two magically thrown arrows into both eye sockets, knocking it off course to skid to the ground dead.

"But then, I'm not some helpless, delicate flower unless there happens to be such a dashing stallion around to save me," Rarity stated as she walked over to the corpse. "Besides, after Blueblood...well, I'm not about to swoon for just any dashing rogue who comes to my rescue. I'm going to handle myself this time, and that means improving my situation, gathering resources, and using my wits." She levitated the third arrow, checking just how sharp the arrowhead was. "I just hope Fluttershy will forgive me for this..." Bringing the arrow down, she began cutting into the corpse.

Hircine continued to stalk carefully through the Borderlands forest, in slow pursuit of the unicorn that had entered his range. He'd never hunted a unicorn before, especially not one that talked, and he was enjoying it immensely. He'd made sure to give her a few opportunities to give a good showing - waiting so long before shooting at that first meeting, and letting her dry herself before making her run the second time - and now he was ready to bring the hunt to the end. He had his final arrows prepared, ready to put one straight through her neck when he caught sight of her again.

When he instead caught sight of a leopard that had been skinned, declawed, and defanged, with two of his own arrows through its eyes, he paused to reconsider...especially the fact the leopard was tied up between two trees by vines with its entire body pulled taut in four directions. He started to take a step towards it to search for clues, but stopped his foot before he entered the clearing. Something didn't seem right.

Lowering his gaze, he stared at the leaves covering the clearing, and saw the vine noose waiting for his foot just where he was about to place it. Glancing around, he saw similar traps scattered around in exactly the places he would evade to with his body mass and shape, leading into an inescapable combination if he'd placed his foot down carelessly. He found himself grinning. Ever since he and Discord had played at hunting each other, he'd grown to love clever prey. He mentally commanded his bladed arrows to change shape. This was another prey he wanted to hunt again later, which meant not killing her.

With traps as complex as these, he knew she wouldn't have been able to get too far after preparing them. As such, he did step into the clearing, making sure to put his foot where there weren't any traps.

To his surprise, his foot passed right through the solid seeming ground. His bow went flying from his hand as his arms pinwheeled to seize any purchase, only to fall forward...and land on his face one foot down as the illusory ground vanished. Growling, he pushed himself to his feet to retrieve his bow.

"Not another step."

Carefully, Hircine raised his head. There was the unicorn, having clambered over the leopard corpse she'd been hiding behind, the bow now held in magical grip. The leopard skin had been expertly tailored into a protective vest, loincloth, and leg wrappings, while the fur from its head had been made into a shaded hood. Paint made from a mix of the leopard's blood and a few herbs and berries surrounding the clearing marked her fur coat in a camouflage pattern, giving her an almost immaculate tribal appearance. Three arrows were already drawn as the bow glowed with a golden light.

"I don't know who you are, or why you're hunting me," the unicorn snapped out, "but I want answers. Why did Discord send me here where only ruffians-"

She let out a startled gasp as Hircine vanished to appear behind her. "Oh, you're from that game," he stated flatly. "I hadn't realized it had begun. I wondered why my bow was glowing. ...I really liked that bow, too..."

The white mare blinked as she stared at the bow in her grip. "You mean...?"

"Yes, that's the artifact you were sent to retrieve," Hircine growled. "...now I'm going to have to make a new one." He carefully suppressed his irritation. "The illusion of trapped ground over the pit was a nice trick. I'll have to remember it...though a deeper pit would have worked better."

"Well, I didn't want to actually hurt you," she responded. "Just get answers."

"And now you have them," Hircine stated flatly, gesturing to the portal that had opened.

As the white unicorn turned to go, she paused. "Oh, where are my manners? My name is Rarity. What might yours be?"

"Hircine."

Rarity smiled warmly. "I shall remember it," she declared before stepping through the portal.

Order and Chaos

Fluttershy kept her eyes shut tight as she stepped through the portal. With all the chaos and insanity Discord had proven capable of unleashing, she was certain that the Realm she was going to would be nightmarish beyond her capacity to imagine, and just looking at it would drive her beyond the grips of sanity. Despite her fear being strong enough to paralyze her, she'd managed to take a step through the portal since all her friends were doing so with theirs. The togetherness had given her the courage. But as the portal closed behind her and she heard only silence, she fell to the ground and huddled in on herself, doing her best to not whimper audibly for fear of bringing whatever unholy creature roamed this land to feast upon her entrails while she still lived...

And yet she continued to be greeted only by silence. In fact, the ground on which she lay didn't even feel like natural ground. While at first that set nightmare images of some ancient keep haunted by phantoms that wanted to consume her soul, she quickly realized it didn't feel like stone either. Before her mind could conjure images of hospitals staffed by demonic doctors harvesting organs or schools haunted by black maned white fillies with much too big mouths or even the pizzeria...she realized the floor beneath her had no noticeable pattern. It seemed...completely smooth and flat. Greatly daring, she slowly opened her eyes to peak at her surroundings...only for her eyes to widen in shock.

Everything was gray. The sky was gray, the land was gray, with no visible features to break up the monotony nor haziness to hide the total absence of landmarks. As she stared around, her fertile imagination tried and failed to conceive of anything threatening she might encounter here...and if nothing else, she was certain anything trying to sneak up on her would give itself away a great distance away as long as it couldn't teleport, and there was no need to teleport here when anywhere could be reached by walking. "This is...nice," she murmured as she got to her hooves, feeling her fear drain away. "Calm. Quiet. Rather relaxing." She glanced back and forth. "Now...where do I go?"

She looked back and forth, turning all the way around to try and find some difference in the sameness, but found nothing. "Oh...oh dear," she murmured softly. "If I don't know where I'm going, I could end up wandering forever without ever knowing whether I'm going the right way or not! I could end up wandering so long I die of starvation or dehydration, and then slowly decay until my bones rest as the one landmark upon this unbroken, unchanging landscape!" She let out a soft whimper. "Oh...why did writing horror stories have to be so profitable for funding my animal care passions?" She took a few deep, calming breaths. "Well...I guess there's no help for it." Closing her eyes, she spun around a few times before coming to a halt. Opening her eyes, she marched off in the direction she was facing, hoping against hope it was the right direction.

As she kept watching, eventually she caught sight of something that differentiated from the unending gray. A flickering blue seemed to float in the air, giving off burst of light in other colors here and there. Fluttershy slowed as she caught sight of it. While the unending grayness had been worrying, it had also been comforting in the absence of imminent threats. The flickering light ahead was a change, which could mean all sorts of things. Frowning and steeling herself, she walked towards the flickering light.

As she approached it, she saw more flickering light in the distance, and became convinced this was the right direction to go...however comforting and disquieting that was to learn. As she reached the first one, she stepped to the side where she could clearly see the floating screen, and the scene it depicted.

She saw a humanoid figure garbed in a riot of mismatched colors sitting upon a throne, playing with an infant Discord. Standing behind the throne was the shade of another figure, garbed entirely in gray armor, that watched on affectionately. Another screen showed the gaudily dressed humanoid arguing playfully with an infant Discord as a cloud hovering above changed as they threw magic at it. Again, the gray armored figure stood just behind the gaudily dressed one, watching and conveying a smile despite the absence of visible facial features.

As she walked, she saw that the pattern remained true from those first two. The gaudily dressed figure would be engaged in some antics with the slowly growing Discord, while the shade of the armored figure looked on fondly. Other figures she didn't recognize appeared now and again, but always it was the three of them together.

She was so enraptured by the visions that she nearly walked into the small table that sat at the center of them. Letting out a quiet meep, she backed up and looked around. The table was set for tea, with two chairs. A centerpiece of the table was an interesting tableau, the gaudily dressed and armored figures in miniature, each leaning against a throne that was half cold gray, half brown wood. Sitting on a green cushion on the throne was a young Discord that grinned cheekily at her. The scene was so lifelike that she nearly missed the life size armored figure - who was not a shade - sitting at the other end of the table from her. "Oh my goodness!" she gasped out in shock and embarrassment. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you-"

"I was waiting for you," the figure interrupted softly and gently. "Please, have a seat."

Fluttershy whimpered as she climbed into the chair. "Oh, I hope I didn't keep you waiting long-"

"You arrived exactly when I expected you to," the figure interjected, his voice remaining gentle as he poured a cup of tea for her. "You have nothing to feel nervous about. Please, relax."

Fluttershy did her best to obey, but she knew she wasn't the best at social interactions. Taking a sip of the tea helped. She couldn't place the flavor, but it was delicious. "Thank you," she said softly as she nibbled on a cookie on her plate.

"I am Jyggorath," the figure introduced himself. "Daedric Prince of Order, former Daedric Prince of Madness, Father of Discord." Leaning back, he chuckled softly. "Oddly enough, titles listed in reverse order of the importance I assign them, as far as my sense of self. My, how time and one little hellion can change things."

Fluttershy smiled softly. "Being a parent always changes things," she reasoned calmly. "I've seen it all the time with my little animal friends, and with the ponies in Ponyville."

"It certainly changed me," Jyggorath agreed. "Before Discord's arrival, I...well, I was two individuals that hated each other with a passion. But raising Discord, and learning to love him as my son...it made me whole. Of course, there was a lot more involved than just that, but it is because of Discord that I am the Daedra I am today...and I am eternally grateful. He showed me where I'd gone wrong in how I understood my role as the Prince of Order, and helped me find balance, joy, and hope."

"Then...then Discord brought a lot of good to your world?" Fluttershy asked gently.

"That he did," Jyggorath confirmed. "While there are a few who might disagree, his introduction of Chaos actually made things more orderly. And the lengths he went to, to save me from myself...and to make a lasting peace..."

Fluttershy fell silent, uncertain what to say.

Reaching behind his chair, Jyggorath handed over a sheathed greatsword that was bigger than Fluttershy's entire body. "Here. This is the artifact you came for."

Fluttershy took it, nearly collapsing under the weight. "Oh goodness!" she gasped out as she gently shifted it to rest against the table. "But...don't I need to complete a trial or something?"

Jyggorath smiled. "I just wanted some pleasant company for tea."

Fluttershy blinked a few times. "Oh. Umm..." She glanced around, and noticed a plate of crackers. "Umm...if it's not too much trouble...could I have some cheese?"

Jyggorath's smile slowly widened.

Gather

Discord grinned down at the three fillies sitting around his table in the Throne Room of the Shivering Isles. "Well now, little ones, I do so hope you enjoy being my guests." Noticing their terrified expressions, he frowned. "Oh come now, there's no need for that. I'm not going to hurt any of you."

"T-then why'd ya bring us here?" Apple Bloom demanded worriedly, managing to position herself defensively between him and the other two.

"Would you believe me if I said 'cookies and scintillating conversation'?" he asked gently.

"I like cookies!" Sweetie Belle spoke up hopefully.

"But you shouldn't say that other thing to fillies!" Scootaloo snapped angrily.

Discord frowned. "I won't be getting it anyway, apparently."

"You bet you're not getting 'that' from any of us-"

"Scootaloo," Sweetie Belle interrupted. "'Scintillating' means brilliant or intellectually stimulating."

"...oh..." Scootaloo muttered, sinking in on herself.

"Well, she's still not wrong, then!" Apple Bloom teased.

"Why you!" Scootaloo snapped as she lunged for Apple Bloom, the pair soon tussling.

Sweetie Belle sighed theatrically. "Again?"

Discord chuckled as he watched. "I was right bringing you three here would be entertaining. It will certainly help pass the time until the others are finished with the Princesses, Twilight, and her friends."

Immediately, the foals turned shocked looks on Discord. "W-what have you done with Applejack?" Apple Bloom demanded fearfully.

"And Rarity?" Sweetie Belle squeaked out.

"And Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo snapped aggressively, though her wings buzzed nervously.

"Oh, I'm just playing a game with them," Discord replied readily. "Well, more a game with them and a few friends - and not-quite-friends - of mine. Though considering your friends' opponents are used to functioning on this level..." He rolled upside down as the entire Isles seemed to come apart as reality rewove itself around the fillies at a whim. "Well...do you think your friends might be at a bit of a disadvantage?"

All three fillies stared wide eyed as the Isles reassembled themselves around them. "...okay, that's pretty cool," Apple Bloom murmured softly.

"Can you do that again?" Scootaloo asked eagerly.

"Please don't..." Sweetie Belle murmured, a hoof held to her mouth as her cheeks bulged.

Discord quickly pushed a mug of Alka Seltzer that tasted like warm milk over to Sweetie Belle. "I'll hold off on that level of manipulation...just like my 'friends' are."

"Huh?" Apple Bloom and Scootaloo asked as Sweetie Belle chugged the medicine.

"There are a few rules for this game, since your friends are facing mine in the seat of their power," Discord explained. He held up one talon. "First, no killing. When dealing with mortals, you can't play with them a second time if you break them, so where's the fun in that?" He flicked up another talon. "Towards that end, the second rule is nothing too damaging to their psyche." He then flipped up a third finger. "And third, the game they play must be one the challengers - your friends - have a chance at winning, however small or difficult to find." He paused, tapping his chin. "You know, maybe I should have mentioned these rules before sending those ponies and that dragonling off. Especially since violating these rules in any way would cause their Realms to start draining power from them in an attempt to force a correction." He glanced at the fillies. "You think that's going to be a problem?"

Apple Bloom burst into a sudden fit of giggles. "You're pretty funny!"

"I know," Discord replied warmly, "but my mate tells me looks aren't everything!" He grinned as he watched all three fillies tumble over from laughter. Jokes on himself always played best. A shiver suddenly ran through his body. "Wait...why is there an imbalance...?" He turned towards the source of the imbalance...and frowned. "Dagon, what did you do this time?" he growled out angrily. Noticing the fillies looking nervous, he quickly smoothed his expression. "Nothing to worry about. Just...something seems to have happened that was...unexpected. I think the games are coming to an unexpected end."

"So do you think Rainbow Dash and the others are going to be here soon?" Scootaloo asked hopefully.

Discord grinned widely, deciding to reassure the nervous children. "Oh, I'm sure they will." He leaned in conspiratorially. "Don't tell the Daedra this, but I've stacked things against them in who went where. It's so much more fun that way." He relaxed as he saw the fillies giggling. Noticing an open portal, he smiled. "In fact, I think here comes one now."

Rainbow Dash slowly flapped out of the portal, an expression of despair and desperate hope on her face. "S...Scoot?" she called out, her voice barely audible.

Scootaloo turned at the sound. "Rainbow Dash!" she gasped happily, starting to run towards her idol.

Before she'd made it more than a few steps, Rainbow blurred forward and - much to Scootaloo's surprise - pulled the filly into a tight, nearly crushing embrace. "You're okay..." she gasped out, her voice raw as tears poured down her cheeks from her closed eyes. "You're okay..."

"R...Rainbow?" Scootaloo asked worriedly, torn between glee at being held so tightly by her idol who she looked up to like a big sister (even if she'd never actually brought that up before) and concern for what could have caused the normally tough as nails pegasus to look so...broken.

Rainbow, for her part, merely clung more tightly to Scootaloo, as though afraid she'd vanish if she let go.

Frowning, Discord floated over to Rainbow. "What did Dagon do, and how badly do I need to punish him for breaking my rules?" he demanded angrily.

"...it's taken care of..." Rainbow managed to say, barely able to get her voice to work.

Blinking, Discord looked closer at the Razor that had affixed itself to her side, seeing the rainbow coloration it had taken on...and the bond of power between it and the pegasus. "Oh, I see," Discord murmured softly. "...eh, I never really liked him, anyway," he concluded dryly. "Now, we just need to wait for the others-"

As he spoke, more portals opened, disgorging the others. Celestia stepped out looking completely relaxed with the Dawnbreaker clutched in her magical aura...though she immediately rushed to Luna's side as the Night Princess arrived. The Skull of Corruption was braced on her back, and she looked oddly at peace as she burrowed into Celestia's embrace. Twilight was giggling like a school filly as she clutched Hermaeus Mora's card catalogue, and Pinkie staggered oddly as she clutched Sanguine's Rose in her teeth. Apple Bloom immediately started peppering Applejack with questions about the golden katana on her back, and Sweetie Belle looked uncertain how to approach Rarity as she stepped out in a tribal garb. However, when Rarity and Spike caught sight of each other, they both looked away with a bright blush, Rarity fanning herself with one hoof...a reaction that made Sweetie Belle giggle wickedly.

Fluttershy was the last to arrive, clinging to Jyggorath's sword as she rode a wave of different kinds of cheese out of the portal. Through the portal, Jyggorath could be heard singing the names of all the different kinds of cheeses to a rather catchy tune. When she and Rarity caught sight of each other, Fluttershy frowned as Rarity coughed nervously. "I...I can explain, darling..."

"You aren't going to start a fashion line of that, are you?" Fluttershy asked coldly.

"Only with synthetic fur!" Rarity insisted defensively.

"...it was you or the leopard?" Fluttershy followed up.

"It was in mid-pounce to eat me," Rarity confirmed.

"...did you make all use you could of the body?" Fluttershy continued, her final question sad.

"Absolutely!" Rarity proclaimed firmly.

"Then that's alright, then," Fluttershy allowed. "I'd choose my friends over animals, if there was no other way to resolve things."

Rarity's posture relaxed. "Thank you, darling..."

"Well!" Discord spoke up, gathering everyone's attention. "It seems the game has reached the second stage. You each retrieved the artifact you were after...and now it's time to figure out where your Elements are. I hope you're prepared...because I'm not about to give you any clues." He leaned back with a wide grin. "And if you choose wrong...you lose."

Discussion

As Discord withdrew to leave the group to their deliberations, leaving behind an overabundance of comfortable cushions to lie on, Celestia took charge of the meeting. "Now, before we do anything else, we must compare notes regarding any possible clue as far as which artifact contains which Element. Any mistakes there could prove disastrous-"

"I feel I must disagree, sister," Luna interrupted calmly. "I feel the first matter of our discussion must be whether or not using the Elements against Discord should still be our goal here."

Several startled, confused gazes turned towards Luna, Celestia's chief amongst them. To Luna's surprise, however, Fluttershy, the youngsters known collectively as the CMC, and Rainbow Dash all seemed to be of a similar mindset. "Luna, whatever would make you think such a thing?" Celestia demanded in shock. "This is Discord we're talking about! You remember what he was like when he roamed free before!"

"Indeed I do," Luna responded. "I also remember how much harm I could have caused had I not been stopped both times...and yet I have this second chance, that you granted me. I have reason to feel that, given such a chance, Discord might also choose not to do harm." Seeing Celestia's eyes narrow, Luna raised a hoof. "However, my reasons for feeling thus are ones I will not divulge to all, as they were divulged to me in confidence...and the one who divulged them has kept them otherwise secret for her own reasons."

"You speak of...Vaermina?" Celestia clarified. "Discord's...mate?" Even more shocked noises echoed around the group.

"Verily," Luna confirmed. "However, I will accede to the decision of the majority in this." She glanced towards Twilight and the others. "The six of you will have to wield the Elements, should it be decided to do so. If the decision of our group is to make the attempt, I will bend all my abilities towards deducing which artifact possesses the energies. However...know that at this point, no argument shall change my vote on the matter from Neigh."

Celestia was gobsmacked, and with good reason. Since her return, Luna had never so boldly declared her intentions or will in defiance of what Celestia had gently suggested, or firmly dictated. While she was glad to see Luna recovering, she couldn't help but be concerned. And beyond that, this was still Discord they were talking about. "...very well," she allowed finally. "We shall...discuss if Discord is one we must still wield the Elements against-"

"I'm gonna vote no, too," Rainbow spoke up suddenly, causing several heads to swivel towards her in shock. "Look, I get that Discord was this really bad guy some time in the past or something, and he's got crazy powers to warp the very fabric of reality...but we all just faced off against entities that can do that on the same scale, if not the same way. And...the one I faced...I...I thought..." Shivering, she pulled Scootaloo tighter in her embrace. Much to the confusion of the others, and to Scootaloo's joyful bewilderment, Rainbow had not released the filly from her embrace from the moment she'd taken hold of her. Her actions had led to Applejack and Rarity almost self-consciously pulling their own sisters close. "Anyway, Discord's far from the worst of reality-warping quasi-Gods out there, and if I read him right when he pieced together what that Dagon guy did...he got off easy that..." She closed her mouth, plainly not wanting to say any more in front of Scootaloo. "Anyway, yeah. I don't think he's such a bad guy."

"Gotta admit, I think ah see yer point," Applejack spoke up. "Ah mean, ah'm right ticked about what he did to the acres...but after seein' what others on his level are capable of, that's like gettin' angry at you and Pinkie fer paintin' mah apples with water-based paint. Once he's got his jollies, he can clean it up with a snap, just like the paint'd wash right off when we cleaned 'em fer cooking or sale. Not ta say ah'm entirely convinced it's a good idea ta let him run rampant...but ah don't think he's done enough that I've seen ta justify stonifyin' him fer another 1000 years."

"I...have to admit I agree," Rarity allowed. "With Luna's example, he's served his sentence for his past crimes. I...see no reason to imprison him again, if he's willing to take the well being of others into account regarding his antics."

"Question!" Pinkie spoke up emphatically. "If we use the Elements against him, that means we go back to Equestria and never come back here, right?"

"I...I suppose," Celestia concluded. "I mean, he is the only one who knows how to open those portals, as far as I know-"

"Then I definitely vote no!" Pinkie proclaimed firmly. "I've finally found a guy who can keep up with me! Do you have any idea how hard that is for me? To find someone who will see me as a mare and not shrug off half the things I say as being 'so random' or just 'Pinkie being Pinkie' outside of one-shot cameos and OCs?" She seemed to fail to notice her friends averting guilty gazes, or the confused glances of the CMC and the Princesses. "I mean, I get it, I'm weird! I do my best to always be happy, going out of my way to make everypony smile, and that leaves my brain a little scrambled as I try and keep track of every single possible detail around me! And that'd be hard enough if my brain worked like everyone else's, but I know it doesn't. I can't blame anyone for not being able to follow my trains of thought. Heck, half the time I can't follow them, and the other half they're submarines! But Saggy follows my thought no problem, and enjoys seeing where it leads, and even helps me make sense of the bits that confuse me! No way, no how, am I gonna give that up!"

"Make my vote no," Rarity and Sweetie Belle spoke up simultaneously. They glanced at each other in surprise, then burst into synchronized giggles.

Celestia sighed thoughtfully. There were twelve of them there, and already five of them - and two of the Element Bearers - had voted firmly against sealing Discord. Even if she didn't count the three children, that was four of nine. At this point, she might as well just hear them all out as far as why they couldn't see themselves sealing Discord.

As she thought about her talk with Meridia, she questioned her own determination to seal him away. Truthfully, she knew she was having trouble setting aside her memories of Discord as he was in the past...and what Meridia had said indicated she should treat this Discord as if he were a completely separate being. And judged only by his actions since his return to Equestria...she couldn't see sealing him in stone as justified. The antics of Twilight and her friends frequently did more damage to Ponyville than everything Discord had unleashed - up to and including the giant crab - and as pointed out by Applejack, Discord could snap his talons and fix everything with as much effort as she put forth to sip tea (if that), were he so inclined.

She could easily see that Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were in agreement with Rainbow and Applejack respectively, even if they weren't seeing the same picture as the older mares. Turning towards her student, Celestia spoke up. "And what of you, Twilight Sparkle?" she asked calmly. "What is your opinion on the matter?"

Twilight blushed as she pulled her head out of the card catalogue she'd been clutching to her. "Uh, well, uh-"

"Speak freely, Twilight," Celestia encouraged gently.

Swallowing convulsively, Twilight nodded. "It's just...this catalogue here? It...it links to a library the likes of which I've never imagined, with knowledge of worlds I couldn't even begin to conceive of upon its shelves. With it, I could learn...everything! And...and I can't help but imagine how much good all that knowledge, properly and carefully applied, could do for Equestria. And...I know you say Discord is horrible, but...I can't help but think the same of him. He's like knowledge. He has equal potential to do great good, or great harm...but we don't burn a book of spells just because someone might use them to hurt someone."

"Sufficient to the moment are the sins we have done," Spike spoke softly as he idly turned his warhammer over and over in his claws. "Let Discord be judged for his present and his future...not his past."

Celestia turned her soft gaze to Spike. His change had shocked her, and frightened her at first. But hearing that calm wisdom from his mouth now, she felt her heart swelling with pride. Perhaps there wasn't anything to fear here in Spike's growth into his dragon heritage.

"Even if we do judge by his past..." Fluttershy spoke up softly. "I...I saw his past here, while talking to Jygorath. And Discord...he's a good boy. A little rambunctious, but he's lived his entire life where the only limit he understood was whether he could do something."

"And only recently questioned 'should'," Luna added softly.

Fluttershy nodded. "I think...I think if we make it plain that we don't want to fight him, but also don't want him to turn Equestria completely topsy-turvy...he'll be willing to find a compromise."

Celestia glanced around as all faces turned towards her. "Well...I suppose we had best make it unanimous, then," she concluded. "If Discord can be reasoned with, can embrace friendship with all of us, then there is no need to turn the power of the Elements against him."

A blaze of light erupted from within their circle. The Element powers floated up out of the artifacts Twilight, Rainbow, Rarity, Pinkie, Applejack, and Fluttershy had brought back. Of the artifacts themselves, only the Razor, the card catalogue, the Rose, the katana, and the warhammer remained. From everywhere and nowhere, a deep voice echoed.

"Equestria Wins! Friendship! Friendship?"

Debriefing

While the Equestrians discussed their next course of action regarding their artifacts, the Elements, and Discord, Discord himself had his own matters he had to attend to. Shifting a good distance away from the discussing visitors - ostensibly to give them privacy - he placed himself inside his throne room before donning the King's Crown. As he did so, it sent an echo throughout the realms of Oblivion, summoning the Princes to him. That was of course the specific purpose of the King's Crown, to gather the Princes for matters that concerned all Daedra.

It wasn't long before the various Princes arrived. Jyggorath, Malacath, Sanguine, Clavicus Vile, and Peryite were the first to arrive. Meridia, Azura, and Nocturnal arrived in a group after that, with Namira arriving shortly after, glaring at Meridia. Boethiah arrived next, followed closely by Hircine. Hermaeus Mora and Molag Bal arrived together. Much later, Vaermina arrived and settled into her seat beside Discord's throne, her late arrival - especially when she was normally first to heed Discord's summons - raising nearly as many eyebrows as Mehrunus Dagon's continued absence.

Once Vaermina was settled - Discord animating her chair to pull itself out for her - Discord cleared his throat. "I call this meeting of the Daedric Coucil to order," he stated calmly, causing a huge stir around the table.

"The rules you laid down clearly dictate you don't do that until we're all here," Hermaeus Mora pointed out grumpily. "Mehrunus Dagon has not arrived."

"Yes," Discord confirmed. "When all Daedric Princes who can heed the call arrive, I call the meeting to order and explain the purpose of it. Now, given that I have done so with Dagon not present, would any of you care to guess why it is that he cannot heed the call?"

Startled murmurs raced around the table. Finally, it was Boethiah who spoke up plainly. "He's dead, isn't he?" he asked calmly.

Dead silence greeted that statement. Discord steepled his mismatched digits. "How do you come to that conclusion?" he asked softly.

"I felt a major shift in the balance of Daedric power," Boethiah explained. "Given my Sphere, I'm especially attuned to such things. Since the rainbow maned equine has Mehrunus' Razor - though altered - I believe that explains readily how. And I can take a stab - if you'll pardon the expression - as to why."

"Go ahead," Discord responded with an impish grin. "I love seeing your mind at work."

Boethiah sat back in his chair. "Given the rules laid down for the trials, the changes in the Razor, and how tightly she's clutching the filly, I would assume Dagon gave her a 'no-win' choice scenario, making her choose between the artifact she needed to collect - the Razor - and that filly...or at least a semblance of her. Either she failed to choose, chose the artifact, or he arranged it so she was unable to save the filly even when she chose to do so. However, anything that traumatized the challengers went against your rules, Discord, which meant Dagon's Realm would cease feeding power to him and instead feed it to the challenger to even the playing field." He tapped the index fingers of his hands together. "Mehrunus' Razor was an artifact none of us ever liked, since its ability to devour souls could be turned on us as easily as on mortals...especially since it drew that power from Dagon's Realm rather than Dagon himself. And because it was an artifact that the challenger had to get, Dagon couldn't destroy it. Between the rage at losing someone she obviously cares deeply about, the energy of the Realm pouring into her, and whatever magic not native to Aurbis she has, the Razor was supercharged when she turned it on Dagon..." He shrugged his shoulders. "The outcome is inevitable, considering that."

Silence reigned around the table for a time. Vaermina was the first to speak up. "Good riddance."

Hermaeus Mora rounded on her. "Really? Are you that blase about the death of one of our number?"

"With that Razor, did you think for a minute he didn't intend to thin our numbers his way at some point?" Clavicus countered. "While I can't say I'm happy about the death of a Prince, I'm glad it was him. Did any of us here actually like him?" He glanced around, daring anyone to nay say him. When no one did, he shrugged. "So I'd say Vaermina summed it up nicely. We're all glad he's dead-"

"I'm not!" Molag Bal snarled angrily. "I wanted to kill that &$*?@ myself!" The curse word he used didn't accurately translate, but was quite vile. "But now that rainbow pony stole the kill, and I didn't even get to play a part in these games!" He crossed his arms irritably as he sat back, snorting fiercely.

Discord lifted his talon to gather attention. "Beothiah's conclusions are accurate, and the result is as we understand. The question is, what do we do about it?"

"What do you mean?" Hermaeus Mora demanded crossly. "The laws of Aurbis are plain. The mantle of a Daedric Prince passes with the power to the one who bests them, whether through ritual combat or - however unlikely it may be - slaying them. That mare slew Dagon - with his own weapon, no less - so she is now the Prince of Destruction-"

"Except she's currently engaged in a territorial dispute with me, over the territory of Equestria," Discord interrupted. "That takes precedence over the passing of the mantle, which is where the complication arises. If they determine which artifacts possess the Element energies and use them properly against me, they'll claim that victory...and be sent back to their own realm. Which means either there will be none to carry the mantle of Prince of Destruction, the one who bears the mantle will be unable to return to her own Realm of Oblivion...or this outcome will also qualify as a Crown Challenge for a new Prince, and the new Daedric King will be unable to access Aurbis." He leaned back as that dead silence reigned, bringing his lion paw over to pat Vaermina comfortingly on the arms since she'd seized his talon desperately the moment he'd mentioned the possibility of his defeat. "And that's something you all need to know about."

The gathered Princes sat back in silence, thinking about all this in their own way. Before anyone could speak, however, a voice echoed over the Isles. "Equestria Wins! Friendship! Friendship?"

"What's that?" Jyggorath demanded.

Discord blinked owlishly. "...I have no idea. Since this was a battle for territory across Realms, I 'borrowed' a system for such things from elsewhere in reality. I probably should have investigated it a bit further..." Turning, he flowed towards the ponies and dragon, the other Princes following him.

Negotiations

As Discord reached the ponies and dragon - closely followed by the rest of the Princes - he saw that only some of the artifacts remained, while Twilight and the others had their Elements back. "...huh," he mused as he floated before them all. "This is unexpected. Well, this is your victory, and I won't fight it." Donning sunglasses, he made a target appear over his stomach. "You may fire when ready."

"Actually..." Twilight spoke up carefully. "We've...kinda, sorta, decided that maybe we shouldn't." She chuckled nervously.

Discord blinked in surprise. "Wait, you just won. You aren't surrendering, are you?"

"No," Luna corrected. "We are...negotiating."

"Oh, I see," Discord mused as he conjured a table for them all to sit around, complete with platters of cheese and crackers with glasses that endlessly filled with chocolate milk from the cotton candy clouds that floated over them, twisty straws leading from the glasses to the ponies' and dragon's mouth. He chuckled at how the three fillies and the dragon immediately started slurping up the tasty treat.

"Hey!" Pinkie snapped angrily. She pointed at her own glass. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Confused, Discord glanced over at Sanguine, hoping for a clue. Chuckling, Sanguine pulled out a bowl and spooned a dollop of whipped cream onto the top of Pinkie's glass.

"Thanks, Saggy!" Pinkie beamed, leaning over to give Sanguine a kiss on the cheek before she started slurping up her cheese and crackers through her swirly straw before chomping down on her chocolate milk.

"How much did she absorb from you?" Discord demanded of Sanguine curiously.

"...real time or distilled time?" Sanguine asked curiously.

"Pinkie's casual disregard for standard physics aside," Celestia interrupted, "we do have negotiations to focus on."

"Unless you've got some cupcakes to throw?" Pinkie asked Sanguine eagerly.

Sanguine started to respond, then noticed a glower from Discord. "Perhaps after the significantly important situation we're in the middle of is resolved," he promised.

"Okie-dokie-loki!" Pinkie beamed up at him, her tail wagging eagerly.

"So, you were saying about negotiations?" Discord asked Celestia firmly.

Celestia nodded. "Simply put, when taking what you've done in Equestria since your time in Aurbis as the start of a blank slate...well, simply put, on the scale you seem to be used to, it isn't anything worthy of an imprisonment sentence."

"Especially not when you can clean it up with a snap of your talons," Spike added.

"So we are hoping to establish a set of terms you will be willing to agree to so that you can roam free in Equestria without excessively disrupting it to the point we would have to act as we did in our first encounter," Luna explained.

Discord rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Let me see if I've got this straight...you don't find my games by their nature to be incompatible with the world you've built, so you want to agree on a set of ground rules for all future games...and if those can be agreed on, I can play as many games as I want within Equestria without fear of Element retribution?"

"That about sums it up," Applejack confirmed.

"Well, I see no problem with that," Discord agreed warmly, settling down in his chair. "A game's no fun without clear rules. So what'd you have in mind?"

"For starters, how about the rules you laid down for these games?" Sweetie Belle suggested. "No permanent physical or emotional harm to players, and always a chance to win?"

"That seems like a good basis," Discord agreed, jotting the rules down on a sheet of paper.

"And don't involve nobody who can't take it," Applejack spoke up. "Mah Granny ain't as young as she used ta be, and ah doubt she'd handle being thrown into the sorta thing ya can make happen on a whim, especially not if'n ya dropped it on her as a surprise."

"With a caveat that he may provide temporary restoration of past physical or mental capacities to handle the game if the party agrees?" Clavicus Vile offered. "To take your example, your Granny is to old too handle the games...but if she agrees to temporarily regaining her youth for the game, then can she be involved?"

"Well, shoot, ah don't see no problems with that, long as that fits those first two rules," Applejack allowed.

"Perhaps a blanket 'terms of games agreed upon before games are initiated, even if initiated at a later date' ruling?" Jyggorath suggested. "That ought to cover all such situations." The ponies glanced around at each other, then nodded. "And I think we should also lay down that no one who isn't of their majority can be allowed to wager anything on the outcomes of these games."

"Oh absolutely," Discord agreed. "Last thing I'd want to do is get a kid hurt from my antics." He wrote down what was being discussed. "Anything else?"

"Clean up afterwards," Rarity insisted. "It's only polite not to leave a mess behind after playing a game."

Nodding, Discord added that, then looked up to hear any other submissions.

Everyone gathered around the table glanced back and forth. Pinkie shot her hoof into the air. "Oh! Oh! Free passage for us back and forth between Equestria and the Realms of Oblivion! I wanna be able to see Saggy whenever I want!"

"I have no objections to that," Discord chuckled dryly as Sanguine actually blushed at the look Pinkie shot his way. "Just tell me where to install the Realm gates, and I'll zap them into place." As he finished writing down the rules, he showed them to Celestia and Luna. "Are these terms acceptable?"

Celestia and Luna glanced over the rules. "Indubitably," Luna confirmed.

"If we'd had this back when we first met, we'd never had to lock you in stone the first time around," Celestia observed dryly.

Discord clapped his mismatched hands together. "Then these games are officially concluded with total victory for all involved," he declared proudly. "Now we come to some issues that arose during the games." Snapping his talons, he conjured a sheaf of papers and a pair of reading glasses. "First off, Twilight Sparkle."

"Huh?" Twilight asked in surprise, jerking her head out of Mora's card catalogue.

"You issued a challenge to Hermaeus Mora for your trial," Discord observed. "What was the exact wording of the challenge?"

"Umm...I challenged him for the Realm and this card catalogue," Twilight responded nervously. "Why?"

"So...not for his throne?" Discord clarified.

"What would I want with a throne?" Twilight demanded crossly. "I barely have enough time in my day to read, study, and spend time with my friends as is without having to be a Princess, too! I've seen how little free time Princess Celestia gets." She failed to notice Celestia and Luna exchanging uncomfortable glances.

Discord turned a grin towards Hermaeus Mora. "Well, good news for you. You're still the Daedric Prince of Knowledge. However, as far as your Realm is concerned, she's in charge of it now."

"So...I have all the administrative headaches of being a Daedric Prince, while she gets all the privileges?" Hermaeus Mora clarified.

"That is the meaning of her terms of the challenges," Discord teased playfully.

"Curse you Twilight Sparkle!" Hermaeus Mora roared angrily, making the three fillies giggle.

"And now we come to Rainbow Dash," Discord continued. "I'm afraid your situation is much more black and white. You killed Mehrunus Dagon in his own Realm, with his own weapon, during a challenge fight between the two. The mantle of Daedric Prince of Destruction is now yours."

Rainbow said nothing, simply staring at Discord for a while before going to back to clutching Scootaloo as tightly as the filly would allow...which was only limited by her capacity to breathe.

Discord coughed uncomfortably, tugging at a shirt collar he conjured specifically to tug at. "Now, there is the matter of you being both an Equestrian citizen and an Element Bearer, and the fact that these might come in conflict with being a Daedric Prince. I'm afraid Daedric matters must take priority over being a citizen of Equestria, but Element matters will take priority over Daedric matters...at least unless and until you designate a proxy from Aurbis to stand in for you when you can't make it."

"Right, whatever," Rainbow grunted, plainly not wanting to think about any of this for a while.

"Ohalsoyou'reanagelessimmortalnow," Discord said quickly, covering most of it with a cough.

"Whazzat?" Rainbow demanded, lifting her head.

"Oh, nothing important," Discord deflected. "Not for a few decades, anyway."

"Well, if that's all the important business," Celestia began as she got to her hooves. "I believe it's time for us to go home. There's a lot of paperwork waiting, if nothing else..."

New Beginnings

Discord smiled to himself as he floated through the streets of Equestria, which town he wasn't completely sure. It had been quite some time since the 'peace treaty' between Oblivion and Equestria, as Celestia had eventually filed the agreement, and many unusual events had happened to his new Equestrian friends. For the most part, however, Discord had stayed out of them, letting them handle such things and grow from them on their own.

Admittedly, a few had caught his attention to the point he'd hung around munching popcorn. The wedding of Shining Armor - Twilight's BBBFF - to Princess Cadenza originally had been of no real interest to him, right up until Twilight managed to reveal that the Cadence Shining appeared to be marrying was actually Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings. The end result had been...entertaining.

Chrysalis finished her monologue, explaining herself and her reasons for being there, and having just finished declaring that nopony present could stop her. She started to turn to demonstrate just how much magical power she had now...only to go flying across the room as something hard and heavy slammed into her gut.

When she got back to her hooves, she found herself face to face with an angry adolescent dragon clutching a rather heavy war hammer. She'd seen the dragon earlier, but he'd been in a suit and she'd taken him for a tame pet. Now, however... "Where did you get that armor?" she asked in confusion.

Smirking, Spike finished donning his helmet. "Was wearing it under my suit. When Twilight started ranting, I didn't know if she was on the right track or just being paranoid...but I did figure something was going to happen."

"And you think I fear you?" Chrysalis snapped angrily.

"You should," Spike chuckled wickedly. "And you would...if you knew where my egg came from."

"Why's that?" Chrysalis demanded harshly.

"Because it even scares Discord," Spike responded, spinning his warhammer.

Celestia stepped up to Spike's side. "Twilight, I will help Spike hold her here. Take the others and fetch the Elements-"

The sound of an unsheathed sword drew all attention. Applejack clutched Goldbrand in her mouth. Rainbow's Razor hovered around her at her will. Pinkie waved Sanguine's Rose, summoning a slavering monster the likes of which Chrysalis had never seen before. Fluttershy was hefting a massive greatblade nearly bigger than her, and Rarity shaping a bow out of her magic. "I think we'd rather fight," Twilight observed as she reached into a card catalogue and pulled out a tome that positively reeked with magical power.

"...Mommy..." Chrysalis whimpered softly.

Discord chuckled at the memory. That hadn't been a battle, it had been a rout! The Changelings had come, saw what the group had done to their queen, and surrendered en masse.

However, that also brought up a memory that was somewhere between unpleasant and disturbing. Not long before the wedding, the Dragon Migration had passed over Ponyville, and Spike had decided to follow - alone - to learn more about what it meant to be an Equestrian dragon. Discord had followed along to observe, and saw Spike make a huge impression on the dragons in his age group, quickly being welcomed into the fold of a group of youngsters...at least until the bragging competition kicked in. Young dragons generally didn't have that much in the way of exploits or hoards yet, so the bragging was mostly about the antics of their ancestors. Learning how important lineage was to dragons, Spike had felt depressed that he didn't know anything about his own ancestry.

Feeling for the dragonling, Discord had volunteered to use his powers to determine the names of his ancestors. It had appeared on a parchment scroll, the entire family tree going back five generations on the mother's side. Spike had been confused that nothing went back beyond that on his father's side...or at least, nothing legible. It appeared something about the names beyond refused to be seen. Discord had been confused too...until he saw the name his magic had inscribed as Spike's father, the only name legibly visible.

Alduin

...well, hearing about the old boy's eventual return, Discord had been wondering where he'd been all this time. Apparently, Discord didn't have a monopoly on Aurbis-Equestria transitions.

Discord hadn't bothered to investigate the events of the Crystal Empire's return. The moment Twilight had been told where she was going, she'd checked Mora's library for anything related to that place, and knew exactly what she was getting into before she left. That took all the fun out of it, from Discord's perspective.

Witnessing Twilight turn into an alicorn had set Discord howling with laughter for several weeks...especially once Hermaeus Mora learned that his 'mortal superior' would no longer be dying off to let control of the Realm revert back to him anytime soon. His howls of frustration had been most entertaining.

Discord's thoughts came to a screeching halt as he felt the local magical fields suffer a massive upheaval, originating very nearby. Curious, Discord flowed over to the source...only to see a wizened, hooded centaur draining the magic out of a unicorn. "Now that's not part of one of my games," he observed irritably, floating up to the two figures. "And it's breaking my rules."

The centaur's eyes widened under his hood. "D-Discord!" he gasped out in surprise. "You're...free?"

"It seems my reputation precedes myself," Discord observed dryly. "Now...who might you be?" As the centaur opened his mouth, Discord held up a single talon. "In twenty words or less, I'm a busy King."

"King?" the figure gasped out in shock. "Wait, do you mean you have conquered? I do not understand! How could I have missed something so important-"

"That's 20, bored now, reading your mind." Stepping forward, Discord flipped the creature's head open, extracted a book, and proceeded to flip through it while the figure stood slackjawed. After a time, he dropped the book back in the empty skull and closed it. "Ah, Tirek. Magic eater, here to steal all the magic of Equestria. Sorry, no dice, I'm not letting you ruin my playground. Besides, it seems some of my friends are counted amongst your primary prey."

"Friends? With ponies?" Tirek gasped out. "I must say...I'm surprised someone of your intellect does not see such friendship for what it truly is...but a new form of imprisonment. Surely you've had to-"

Discord burst into laughter. "Oh goodness, you're actually trying to play a mind game on me? That's adorable!" He hovered over to Tirek. "Let me reintroduce myself. Discord, Daedric Prince of Madness, Daedric King of Oblivion, and Game Master of Equestria. And you, my little nuisance, are a piece that does not belong in my games." Seeing the look of absolute terror on Tirek's face, he grinned widely. "But I'll give you one chance in a billion. Good luck." With a snap of his talons, he sent Tirek away, where he had no idea...just nowhere related to Equestria.

As he floated away, however, he felt his entire body shiver. Something had just gone horribly wrong. Pulling out a cell phone, he quickly sent a text message.

DKD: Yo, Akky? I just felt a massive shake in the timestream. Any idea where I sent Tirek?

It wasn't long before he received a message back...the symbol for infinity, followed by a weed emoji. Discord sent a response.

DKD: Eeyikes! That's a bit beyond my reach, and could really come back to bite me in the hindquarters. It's not smart to mess with any Set of Six, and Tirek's magic draining spell doesn't have an upper limit. ...gonna need to unlock this world's Six, but the safeties there are insane! How am I going to get enough...
DKD: Say, Akky, think you could help me set up something crazy?

It wasn't long before Akatosh sent back a thumbs up. With a wide grin, Discord warped back to Ponyville.

It didn't take long for Discord to gather Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Spike together in the Ponyville Library. "Friends, something rather dangerous has occurred. It appears that Tirek has found his way to another area of reality, where he may get access to power the likes of which Equestria has never seen...and I need to act to ensure Equestria has something to counter him with when he finds his way back here."

"How are you going to do that?" Spike asked worriedly.

"By doing something crazy," Discord explained.

"Ooh, I like crazy!" Pinkie piped up happily.

"I'm going to shatter Equestria's timeline," Discord explained.

"That's insane!" Twilight gasped out in abject terror.

"Told you," Discord countered. "See, in order to unlock the full potential of one of the Elements of Harmony, it requires the energies of an entire coalesced timeline...which means I'm going to need separate timelines for each of you, woven together to create the world Tirek will find when he returns. Of course, Twilight's taught me the value in redundancy, so I'm going to make a lot of extras, just to get that much extra muscle in case something doesn't work out. I've already selected a bunch of Tankorites-"

"Of what?" Applejack demanded, confused.

"Temporal anchorites, try to keep up," Discord explained. "Anyway, when I shatter the timeline, Akatosh is going to pour enough raw time energy into Equestria to create separate timelines for every Tankorite, and sending them off to gather power in other worlds so we have more than enough force to deal with whatever Tirek brings back to bear. Once all the timelines are complete and the Elements awakened, I'll weave them back together and tie it all up in a neat bow. Any questions?"

"Far too many..." Twilight murmured worriedly.

"Any questions that take less than 20 words to voice?" Discord clarified.

"Are we gonna remember this timeline?" Pinkie asked worriedly, clutching Sanguine's Rose to her barrel.

"Not until you all meet me again in the fused loop," Discord answered warmly. "But once there, you'll remember. And the fused loop will bring a lot more memories than that. For now..." He lifted his Mad Psijic. "Hold onto something!" He slammed the point of his staff into the floor.

And Equestria shattered.

Floating in the Quagmire, Discord made a careful count of the timelines that were slowly spinning themselves upon the looms. "One, two, three...at least twenty-two in all. More than I anticipated. I'll have my work cut out for me balancing this all when I weave it all together."

"I'm certain you'll manage," Vaermina purred softly.

"Or somebody will," Discord countered. "Honestly, I'm thinking of finding some imaginative being from beyond the fourth dimension to subcontract it all out to. They're good at crafting worlds, and half the time they don't even realize what they're making is real somewhere in the lower planes. Heck, half the time they don't even know there are lower planes."

"Make sure it's one with a twisted sense of humor," Vaermina teased.

"There are other kinds?" Discord asked playfully. He then floated over to the strange contraption Vaermina had been paying so much attention to. "What's this, anyway?" he asked curiously. "It looks like a crib."

"That's what it is," Vaermina pointed out dryly.

"But cribs are for holding babies," Discord countered logically.

"And we've got two," Vaermina explained simply.

"...since when?" Discord asked, his voice having gone very soft.

"About an hour real time, a week or so relativistic time," Vaermina explained. "Akatosh dumping so much time into your Equestria project had a bit of a ripple effect. Come take a look at our twin girls. I haven't named them yet...but you should be able to tell which is the eldest."

Smiling, Discord peeked over the edge of the crib...and his face fell off. Inside the crib were two alicorn foals. The white one with the pink mane was noticeably larger than the blue one. "Twisted sense of humor indeed," Discord observed in wonder.

And Logic Vanished in a Puff of God

Sheogorath stared out at the Shivering Isles, lost in thoughts that sprang into being as they popped into his head, watching as every whim that popped into his crazed head came to pass, no matter how impossible it should have been. Impossible? This was his realm! Impossible was whatever he said it was, which was nothing! Unless he changed his mind, or his mind changed him. That was always an odd feeling, when his mind changed him. Sometimes he was Haskill, and that was always curious indeed, serving himself. Quite fun.

But right now he was faced with the dilemma that troubled him most as he reigned over his realm in any era. "I'm bored," he grumbled to himself, and just about everyone that was around him, though most of them really weren't. "Whatever I think of happens, and everything here is under my complete control. Where's the fun in that? Everything always happens the way I want it to, and nothing is interesting anymore." He leaned one elbow on his throne as the throne room burst into butterflies, leaning his chin in his hand as he dangled the other off his knee. "And nobody's coming to play with me, and mortals are the only way anything really interesting happens here. They actually struggle against me. Struggle! Like they have a chance against a Daedric Prince?"

He rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Well of course they don't. I'm Sheogorath! Nobody has a chance against me! Well, except Jyggalag, the cheater. He always shows up when I'm not here and breaks everything I work so hard building, the sneak thief! And the other Princes, I suppose, but none of them are anywhere near as creative as me! I'm the best, no matter what the others say!" He sighed sadly. "But that doesn't fix the boredom, since none of them want to play my games. Sometimes...sometimes I wish I had someone here who could match me...who would play with me when the rules could be changed." He waved his free hand dismissively. "But what are the chances of that happening?"

He paused as he felt a new, unusual, unexpected sensation...pain. "What's this? Something is biting my finger. I'm supposed to do something when this happens...scream? No, that's so boring. Oh, I know!" He lifted his head and extended his unbitten arm. "Yodelay-yodelay-yodela-HEE-hoo!" he cried out dramatically, just for the fun of it. However, this did nothing about the sensation of honest to goodness pain on his fingertips. "Well, time to see what I have here." Lifting his hand, he stared at the creature.

The creature extended upward from his hand, and Sheogorath examined it top to bottom. "Hmm...a feather for an antennae? How curious! And a salamander tail for a neck, so interesting! Whoever made this creature really had an imagination! A bear torso, and a dragon and deer leg for arms, amazing! Odd place for a bat and bird wing, and a lion leg and eagle talon for legs. And a head for a bottom, with eyes in its ass! How genius! And a stag antler and goat horn instead of tails!"

The creature giggled from the mouth gripping his fingers. "Ah, of course!" Sheogorath realized. "You're upside down!" He rotated his hand to stare at the creature the other way, and its eyes rolled back into its head before dangling out the tail on either side of the feather, blinking at him. Sheogorath burst into pleased laughter. "And I didn't even come up with you! How wondrous!" He tossed his hands into the air, popping out a fresh pair to applaud.

The strange creature - about the size of a loaf of bread - giggled and bowed playfully as it floated in the air. It then twirled around a few times, staring around at the Isles.

"You like this place, do you creature?" Sheogorath asked happily. "Wonderful, wonderful! But I can't keep calling you creature. Everything on the Isles is a creature. I'm a creature! You need a name!"

"Dic-ko!" the little creature offered in baby talk.

"Of course!" Sheogorath proclaimed proudly, clapping his hands together. "I shall call you...Dick-cheese!"

The creature's eyes narrowed, and it snapped its eagle talon. Sheogorath's head exploded.

Sheogorath quickly grew a new one. "That stings, Dick-cheese-"

Another snap, another exploded head. Although this time it first swelled like a balloon before popping.

Sheogorath grabbed his left arm and pumped, inflating a new head. "I get the distinct feeling you don't like the name I've given you."

"Dee! Code!" the creature insisted firmly.

Sheogorath blinked for a moment. "...Discord?"

The creature clapped happily, flying circles around Sheogorath's head before curling up to sleep on a truncheon.

"What a wondrous name!" Sheogorath proclaimed happily as he lifted the blunt instrument that hadn't been there a moment ago. "And how fitting for this place. I'm going to like having you here."

Setting the instrument down, he proceeded to play chopsticks before digging into a bowl of egg foo young, only to be blocked by little Discord's shovel from his own attempts at excavation. "What's this? This is my food! Get your own!"

"Dada! Hungy!" Discord complained before eating the bowl and throwing the egg foo young into Sheogorath's face.

The Daedric Prince happily slurped up the meal, stretching his tongue out to get every inch of his face. "Dada? Who's that?"

Discord pointed at Sheogorath with his tail, giggling as he slurped up the chopsticks.

"Me?" Sheogorath gasped in shock. "A son - you are male, aren't you? - and heir? I never thought of having such a one! I'll have to look up-" He slapped himself, making his head spin like a top. "Look it up? Who am I, Hermaeus Mora? No, I'm Sheogorath! I make it up as I go along!"

To his surprise, little Discord curled up happily in his lap, a machine gun going off in his mismatched hands to show he was purring.

Sheogorath gently began stroking Discord's back, staring at the tiny creature. Feeling odd in his face, he lifted up his free hand and felt moisture at his eyes. "What a curious thing," he murmured softly. "What a curious thing..."

Shadows of the Day

Author's Note

In researching the various Daedric Princes...I've discovered that not much information is available as far as the personalities of most of them, and the only sound clips available tend to be specific quest related, which doesn't give me much to work with.

As such...I'm going to be winging it with most of them.

Shadows of the Day

Discord had once again managed to get ahead of his Dad when it came to his explorations. While he understood wanting to keep track of him, he loved breaking the rules too much. However, he did go so far as to leave a trail for his Dad to follow, so he wouldn't worry about him. He was pretty sure the rainbow colored silly string that sang off key would catch his Dad's attention as being different enough as to be the trail.

He wasn't sure where he was now, but the skies were colored violet with the sunset seeming to be in every direction simultaneously. He found himself gliding over gardens filled with roses in every color imaginable arranged in a beautiful collage from above. What it was a collage of exactly seemed to change shape from moment to moment, but it was breathtakingly beautiful, especially surrounded as it was by musical waterfalls cascading into the infinite. Here and there, creatures that resembled harpies but looking much more lethal flew here and there carrying messages and other things, seeming to roost in a massive city of solid silver in the exact center of the massive gardens, surmounted by a palace made entirely of roses. The air was heavy with the scent of the flowers, lulling Discord into a drowsy state as he started to float downward.

Something below caught his eye, bringing his mind back into focus as he flowed downward to investigate. He saw three women sitting around a blanket, covered with various dishes and in the exact center of a clearing amongst the roses. One was a golden woman who seemed to be made of light, and gave an impression of being winged despite the total absence of wings. The second - who seemed the most at home here - was a blue skinned woman garbed in a gown made of stardust and wearing a crown of roses. The third was garbed completely in shadows, no details visible beneath, seeming to exude an aura of mystery. As he approached, he heard them speaking.

"You were right, Azura," the golden woman said to the blue. "This is definitely the perfect place for a picnic."

"See? I told you so, Meridia!" the blue woman - Azura, apparently - responded playfully. She then turned to the shadowed woman. "Why didn't you back me up on this, Nocturnal?"

"Because someone needs to keep you from getting too full of yourself," she answered flatly, her voice showing absolute emotional control.

"Nocturnal, you're my sister not my mother," Azura snipped teasingly.

"And it shows," Nocturnal answered flatly.

"How do you two ever manage to get along?" Meridia asked in wonder.

"Very carefully," the other two said together, Nocturnal in the same controlled tone with only a hint of resignation as though she'd said it far too often, and Azura with suppressed mirth as though it were some inside joke.

While this all struck Discord as mildly interesting, he immediately focused on something that grabbed his attention far more directly. What he'd taken for some sort of fountain in the center of the large picnic blanket was actually a gigantic cake! His mouth watered at the sight, and he eagerly dove down, landing completely inside the cake, splattering some towards the three women as he began to eat, only managing to penetrate three of seven layers.

"What in Moonshadow?" Azura demanded, shocked.

"Did one of your Winged Twilights drop a message?" Nocturnal asked, a very slight teasing barb in her voice.

Discord popped his head back out of the cake, sucking on a strawberry bigger than his head he'd found inside the cake as he tried to get it off his snaggletooth. Noticing the three women staring at him, he realized he might have been a bit presumptuous in his approach. He apologetically held out a pawful of cake.

A happy squeal pierced his ears as Azura scooped him up into a snuggle. "He's so adorable!" she cried happily. "I've never seen such a unique little creature! Where do you think he came from?"

"He looks like he might be one of Sheogorath's," Meridia spoke up as she gently slipped the strawberry off Discord's snaggletooth, using magical energy to split it into bite sized pieces to feed him as she picked up a napkin, licking it before wiping the cake off his body. "Seems to have come a long way all on his own for one so small. Such a brave little creature you are!" Discord cooed happily at the mothering approach.

"You really shouldn't be so precipitous, though," Nocturnal chided, pulling Discord from the pair's shared grip and plunking him down in a bird bath, gently scrubbing him clean. "If you want cake so bad, you should ask for it."

"Don't you think you're being just a bit harsh, Nocturnal?" Meridia asked as she came over to assist with the cleaning. "He's just a little guy."

"Yeah!" Azura agreed. "And you can't tell me you never considered swimming in a cake bigger than you. Heck, if this cake were big enough, I'd jump right in with him."

"One of us needs to enforce proper discipline, sister," Nocturnal chided, the movement of her head under the shadows indicating she was rolling her eyes.

Giggling, Discord snapped his talons at the cake, and it expanded until it was as large relative to Azura as it had been to Discord a moment ago, the bottom layer now the size of a lake, and just as deep.

"Banzai!" Azura cried out as she threw off her dress of starlight and cannonballed into the cake, causing the center pool of wine to fountain upward. "Oh, nice touch! And even fresh enough you could have a taste little guy!"

"Seriously, Azura?" Meridia asked ruefully as Discord leapt out of the birdbath and into the cake tub filled with wine. "Have you no self control?"

"My realm, my rules, and I say it's time to make this really fun!" Azura countered, blowing - and throwing - a raspberry at Meridia. "Now take off your mantle and relax."

"I'm not wearing my mantle," Meridia pointed out with a frown.

"Then take off something else and get in here already!" Azura called out, throwing out a lasso of magic and yanking Meridia into the cake lake with a yelp.

Nocturnal rolled her eyes. "You know, Sheogorath's probably somewhere nearby looking for him."

"Dada!" Discord confirmed happily.

"Especially as this is apparently his son," Nocturnal pointed out.

"And if he leaves his robes behind when he shows like we have, I'll let him join us in here and try his luck at giving this little guy a brother!" Azura teased back, flaunting herself.

"A-Azura!" Meridia gasped out, her golden cheeks turning bronze in embarrassment.

"Don't even try to tell me this little guy hasn't set your clock ticking, Meri!" Azura teased playfully. "And you know the crazies are best in bed-"

"COWABUNGALOONEYTUNES!" Sheogorath called out as he streaked across the garden, flipping several times in midair before diving into the wine lake.

Giggling, Discord snapped his talons, conjuring a large, wide-brimmed pink hat covered in gems and purple feathers onto his head, with matching dark purple shades over his eyes and a blow pipe in his mouth.

Nocturnal put her hand to her face, shaking her head as she stared at Discord. "I'm going to have my hands full teaching you any sort of discipline, aren't I?" she asked ruefully.

Discord blew her a raspberry, having recognized from her tone that she didn't sound displeased with the notion.

Worlds Apart

With the Daedra united under a King, they waited patiently for the Era to end. All signs pointed to a significant death presenting a dramatic conflict to the entire world of Mundus, or at least to the main continent of Tamriel. As such, all eyes were focused on the province of Cyrodiil for when the grand event would happen, waiting with baited breath for the fun to begin...at least until Vaermina goaded Discord into providing refreshments other than sushi for the grand wait. After that, breath was merely bated.

However, as 3E 433 approached...nothing happened. The Daedra continued to wait for the unfolding of the predicted Oblivion Crisis as the Mythic Dawn cult plunged the world into chaos as part of a plan to open the gates to Oblivion, allowing the Daedra to invade and bring about the greatest conflict of Aurbis history. But events never unfolded.

"Hermy!" Discord finally snapped when events still refused to unfold. "What in Sithis' name is going on here? Where is the war? There's supposed to be a world shattering war!"

"A moment," Hermaeus Mora growled, still disliking the nickname. He began sifting through his tomes and other forms of stored knowledge. Eventually, he came across the appropriate passage. "Here are events as they were predicted," he began solemnly. "A young Bosmer mother, abandoned by Cameron the Usurper, the sire of her child, would starve to death desperately trying to feed her child...and others would watch and do nothing. With nothing else to feed the child, she would feed the child her hate for those callous observers until she died, and young Mankar would grow to hate the world for the way it was, and seek to turn it on his head. He would found Mythic Dawn, etc etc etc."

Discord blinked, something about that situation niggling at his mind, an old memory... "And...why hasn't that happened?"

"Well, the mother in question is currently the head of a bordello specializing in breast milk, Mankar is a wealthy baker with a loving wife, and their children want for nothing," Hermaeus Mora explained as he checked the history against the prediction. "Apparently, the Bosmer woman somehow started producing limitless breast milk...on the first of Morning Star several decades ago."

All eyes turned towards Clavicus Vile, who stared at everyone with a hurt expression. "What? You think I'd do anything to upset this prophecized end of the era? We've all been waiting for it! Besides, I didn't actually grant any wishes that year. That's the year I met Discord...and..." His eyes widened, and he turned towards the Daedric King.

Discord gave up his attempts at seeming innocent. He couldn't keep his whistling on key, anyway. "Well how was I supposed to know that was important? I wasn't even a year old, relatively speaking!"

Mehrunus Dagon sighed gustily. "Well, so much for a big conflict," he grumbled under his breath. "Guess we're going to be biding time until the next era and hope we still get a Dovahkin after all this. Seriously, if Alduin sends a rain check, I am going to be put out!"

"You should join us for that O&O game that was my challenge," Boethiah offered, resting his hand on Dagon's shoulder. "Maybe Discord will even let you be Game Master, and you can try and conquer us."

"Maybe," Mehrunus Dagon offered grudgingly. "It's not like there's anything else to do around here in the meantime..."

"...I wouldn't be so certain of that," Discord spoke up carefully, once more drawing all attention to him. "You see...I've been feeling a niggling tug ever since I achieved Chim, as though something somewhere were trying to draw me to it. I'd been ignoring it, since first I was trying to take the Crown, and now because we were looking forward to the Oblivion Conflict. But with that not happening..."

"Is this about those dreams you told me about?" Vaermina asked curiously. "Dreams that did not come from my realm? Dreams of...ponies?"

"Maybe," Discord allowed. "I'm not entirely sure. However...I'm going to follow the tug. If it does lead there..." He grinned widely, rubbing his mismatched hands together. "Well, it'll certainly be entertaining for all of us. The world I come from...who knows? There might be more of me."

"Anui-El save us from that!" Sanguine joked teasingly, only for the gravy boat on the snack table to spray hot gravy up his nose in protest.

Discord calmly floated through the air, hidden from all sight physical and magical, as he took in the colorful landscape below him. While he was certain he'd never seen the world below, it was nonetheless familiar. Deciding to work his way from the top down, he flew to a castle that seemed to have sprouted out the side of a mountain.

Flowing through the halls, he found numerous ponies rushing back and forth at work, engaged in all sorts of activities. Two in particular, however, caught his attention...and not just because they were the biggest. One - a dark blue equine with wings and horn - had an aura that reminded him rather strongly of his beloved Vaermina...though a bit more domestically tranquil than Vaermina had managed yet. Still, he sensed she had quite the core of mischief, which could be entertaining...when she was awake. The other was a white equine with wings and horn, and a waving aurora of a mane and tail. He somehow knew her instantly, though not her name. He felt they'd fought before.

Confused, he made his way to a quiet hall...where several stained glass windows carried in them the memories of events he no longer recalled. Touching his staff to them - and specifically the one that bore his own image - he found the memories waiting for him. As he took them in, he grinned widely. This was the world he came from originally...and it was time to take it back.

It didn't take long to find his way. A small source of chaos in the form of three fillies guided him right to a statue garden as they argued over the meaning of something...as they left a familiar figure.

"It's confusion!" one was mumbling to the others as they walked away.

"Evil!" a second insisted.

"Chaos!" the third countered.

Discord waited just long enough for them to be out of sight...then crumbled the stone shell that had once contained him with the touch of his staff. "Watch out, Equestria," he chuckled darkly. "The King Has Returned."